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"How'd 'e know that was gonna happen?"
"The lithium-ion battery said so."

Nah...just doesn't have the same panache.

It must be the Monty Python chocolate then.
The one from: Whizzo Chocolate Company

See transscript if you have no clue
http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode06.htm

You are positioning a problem to be solved.

I think you mean "positing" a problem. But that's English, not Information Theory.

all the juicy bits of Xanadu

Hmm. Yes. [#insert The Argument Sketch.]

How about *you* keep the walled garden and we keep the crappy, non-visionary, hacked together WWW?

You're the one who's been proposing a walled garden. Which probably says more about your fears than about what I wrote.

"I mean, how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another he hasn't felt sexually attracted to mice. I know I have. I mean, most normal adolescents go through a stage of squeaking two or three times a day. Some youngsters on the other hand, are attracted to it by its very illegality. It's like murder - make a thing illegal and it acquires a mystique. Look at arson - I mean, how many of us can honestly say that at one time or another he hasn't set fire to some great public building. I know I have. The only way to bring the crime figures down is to reduce the number of offenses - get it out in the open - I know I have."

(from Monty Python's The Mouse Problem sketch)

Apparently, the parent's parent is a _bad_ chemist.

Superimposed Caption: "A Less Naughty Chemist's"

"Right, who's got a boil on his [liquid glass] Semprini, then?"

The cheapest per GB are DVDs at about 3.5c per GB. Hard drives are about 8.5c per GB. You might find it more liberating keeping your 1000 photos of uncle ted from every side of your house on a spindle of DVDs packed in a box behind the coal shed.

As central governments print more and more strings, the strings currently in circulation are devalued.

Ah, that's where advertising comes in.

Stop. Think. A Briton is in America, wanting American citizens - and only American citizens - to play with extremely dangerous explosives. There can be only one explanation. Revenge for The A-Team and Knight Rider.

Those darned Britons, huh?

There's a second explanation. The Briton was actually an unexploded and unemployed Scotsmen belonging to the Queen's Own McKamikaze Highlanders.

Expect a news story about a Briton cloning a man with three buttocks next.

From http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode15.htm#4

Third Official: If I might put my head on the chopping block so you can kick it around a bit, sir...
Politician: Yes?
Third Official: Well most things we do for pleasure nowadays are taxed, except one.
Politician: What do you mean?
Third Official: Well, er, smoking's been taxed, drinking's been taxed but not ... thingy.
Politician: Good Lord, you're not suggesting we should tax... thingy?
First Official: Poo poo's?
Third Official: No.
First Official: Thank God for that. Excuse me for a moment. (leaves)
Third Official: No, no, no - thingy.
Second Official: Number ones?
Third Official: No, thingy.
Politician: Thingy!
Second Official: Ah, thingy. Well it'll certainly make chartered accountancy a much more interesting job.

        Cut to vox pops.

Gumby: (standing in water) I would put a tax on all people who stand in water ... (looks round him)... Oh!
Man In Bowler Hat: To boost the British economy I'd tax all foreigners living abroad.
Man In Suit: I would tax the nude in my bed. No - not tax. What is the word? Oh - 'welcome'.

Obligatory Monty Python sketch:

Hello? Ah, Mr Victim, I'm glad to say that I've got the go-ahead to lend you the money you require. Yes, of course we will want as security the deeds of your house, of your aunt's house, of your second cousin's house, of your wife's parents' house, and of your granny's bungalow, and we will in addition need a controlling interest in your new company, unrestricted access to your private bank account, the deposit in our vaults of your three children as hostages and a full legal indemnity against any acts of embezzlement carried out against you by any members of our staff during the normal course of their duties... no, I'm afraid we couldn't accept your dog instead of your youngest child, we would like to suggest a brand new scheme of ours under which 51% of both your dog and your wife pass to us in the event of your suffering a serious accident. Fine. No, not at all, nice to do business with you. (puts the phone down, speaks on intercom) Miss Godfrey, could you send in Mr Ford please. (to himself) Now where's that dictionary. Ah yes, here we are... "inner life"... "inner life" ...

Call me a crazy fool, but once I verified the e-mail address was really his, I decided to risk sending him $10 without seeing a complete set of double entry financial accounts. I guess I'm just not as much of a merchant banker as you are.

For those who don't get the joke.

Voice Over Mr. and Mrs. Watson of 'Ivy Cottage', Worplesdon Road, Hull, chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we found that they had gone away on two weeks holiday. They had not left any forwading address, and they had bolted and barred the house to prevent us getting in. However a neighbour told us where there were.

The camera has come to rest on a very obvious isolated beach hut; it blows up. Cut to a building site in a suburban housing estate. There is a Gumby standing there.

Voice Over And here is the neighbour who told us where they were (he blows up) Nobody likes a clever dick. (cut to stock film of a small house) Here is where he lived (it blows up) And this is where Lord Langdon lived who refused to speak to us (it blows up). So did the gentleman who lived here....(shot of house: it blows up)... and here ...(ditto) and of course here.....(a series of quick cuts of various atom bombs and hydrogen bomb at moment of impact) and Manchester and the West Midlands, Spain, China ...(mad laugh)

Cut to a presentation desk. The film is on a screen behind. We see it stop behind him as the presenter speaks.

      Presenter Ah, well I'm afraid we have to stop the film there, as some of the scenes which followed were of a violent nature which might have proved distressing to some of our viewers. Though not to me, I can tell you.

(cut to another camera; the presenter turns to face it,)

In Nova Scotia today, Mr Roy Bent of North Walsham in Norfolk became the first man to cross the Atlantic on a tricycle. His tricycle, specially adapted for the crossing, was ninety feet long, with a protective steel hull, three funnels, seventeen first-class cabins and a radar scanner. (A head and shoulders picture of Roy Bent comes up on the screen behind him) Mr Bent is in our Durham studios, which is rather unfortunate as we're all down here in London. And in London I have with me Mr Ludovic Grayson, the man who scored all six goals in Arsenal's 1-0 victory over the Turkish Champions FC Botty. (he turns) Ludovic... (pull out to reveal that he is talking to a five-foot-high filing cabinet) first of all, congratulations on the victory.

      Mr Grayson (from inside filing cabinet) Thank you, David.

Anyway, very silly stuff, you get the point.

http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode24.htm#11

And have you been to every campus? They didn't sell lecture notes at the college I went to for my Associates Degree. Aren't you in fact a train spotter?
http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode07.htm

Episode 14, for you Sir Monty Python fanatics./I

This was previously reported by another British group here: .

Too late, Monty Python already beat you to that one !

For growth to continue, prices need to come down. $20/mo for 1-2mbps shared is the sweet spot IMHO. Cable companies keep the price high while adding bandwidth, they really need a lower tier.

And phone companies? They need to decide that POTS is legacy and offer similar plans, and instead brand themselves as reliable VoIP (bifurcate voice from data)..

(And next week, how to rid the world of all known diseases...)

T. F. Gumby My brain hurts!

Not quite true; a few are legally required to have it (EG: your bank, which is required to file tax forms with the IRS), but there aren't a lot. Government agencies entitled to ask are also required to provide the statute that says that they can.

in fact, on various forms, I give any of three different names (with or without my middle name, or with middle and first transposed) with my SSN.

You are in general legally allowed to use whatever name you want as an alias, save for purposes of committing criminal fraud. (EG; Johann Gambolputty de von...) I routinely give any of the 26 letter of the alphabet for my middle initial, in order to see where my junk mail comes from. A former freind of mine a few years back had secondary credit cards issued in the name of his SCA persona; he has a blast with telemarketers, since anyone asking for the persona gets to talk with someone extremely patient and polite... but utterly unfamiliar with anything that's happened since 1536. =)

But giving a false SSN (as opposed to a legal alias) is a different story, likely to be a headache for any living legitimate holder of that number (making Nixon's a good choice), and may be criminal fraud under some circumstances. If you're going to play games like that, be sure to check the law carefully first.

BBC Man: These are the words that are not to be used again on this programme.
He clicks the clicker. On screen appear the following slides:

B*M
B*TTY
P*X
KN*CKERS
W**-W**
SEM PRINI

A girl comes into shot.

Girl: Semprini!?
BBC Man (pointing): Out!

My backup key would be the joke that is referred to in Monty Python's Killer Joke.

Actually, for morse navel-gazing you want an Aldis lamp, as seen in Monty Python.

Foam at the mouth and fall over backwards. Is he foaming at the mouth to fall over backwards or falling over backwards to foam at the mouth. Tonight 'Spectrum' examines the whole question of frothing and falling, coughing and calling, screaming and bawling, walling and stalling, galling and mauling, palling and hauling, trawling and squalling and zalling. Zalling? Is there a word zalling? If there is what does it mean...if there isn't what does it mean? Perhaps both. Maybe neither. What do I mean by the word mean? What do I mean by the word word, what do I mean by what do I mean, what do I mean by do, and what do I do by mean? What do I do by do by do and what do I do by wasting your time like this? Goodnight

I own an ABS Mayhem G1 [...] The BIOS chip falls out, the machine occasionally overheats and shuts down, the power brick smoked itself, and the case on top of where the hard drive is has the imprint of my palm burned into it because the drive isn't cooled right. Screws rattle about in the case. Battery life is a cool 72 minutes.

What did you expect with a name like that, then?! I bet you have 'Neverpay' motor insurance as well...

Another reason is that, despite the cultural differences between the 1970s and today, there are still a lot of similarities. It's a Tree is similar enough to current talk/variety shows that it still makes me laugh. And even some of the digs at the BBC are applicable to American TV networks.

http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode12.htm

Imagine the enormous commercial possibilities...

What, a BALLOON?!

It's not a balloon! You stupid little thick-headed Saxon git! It's not a balloon! Balloons is for kiddy-winkies. If you want to play with balloons, get outside!

- - Ferdinand von Zeppelin "The Golden Age of Balooning"

Was anyone else thinking of this when they saw the headline?

Aw crap, now look what you've gone and done!

Here is an excerpt of a recent Monty Python audio blog from one of the peaks of Kilimanjaro:

GEORGE: Now, uh, let me fill you in. I'm leading theis expedition, and we're going to climb both peaks of Mt. Kilimanjaro.

ARTHUR: I thought there was only one peak, sir.

GEORGE (covers one eye and looks at his map): Well, that'll save a bit of time. Well done. Now, the object of this expedition is to see if we can find any traces of last year's expedition.

ARTHUR: Last year's expedition.

GEORGE: Yes, my brother was leading that. They were going to build a bridge between the two peaks.

the the "what's your shoe size" is a reference to monty python...

Mervyn Hello, hello, operator? Yes we're trying to get the fire brigade ... No, the fire brigade. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, what? ... (he takes one of his shoes off and looks in it) Size eight. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no of course not, Yes... ...

Mrs Little (into the phone) Hello, I'm sorry to keep you waiting, It's just that... (she takes her shoe off and looks inside) size three, yes it's just - we've lost a dear one and my son was ... yes, that's right, size eight, yes and... Oh I see... yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I see, yes, yes, I, I ... Yes, yes. No ... no... yes, I see. They can't get the fire brigade Mervyn - will the Boys' Brigade do?

http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode31.htm

...we send you over to the west country on Dorset.

Commentator: Hello, and welcome to Dorchester, where a very good crowd has turned out to watch local boy Thomas Hardy write his new novel "The Return Of The Native", on this very pleasant July morning. This will be his eleventh novel and the fifth of the very popular Wessex novels, and here he comes! Here comes Hardy, walking out towards his desk. He looks confident, he looks relaxed, very much the man in form, as he acknowledges this very good natured bank holliday crowd. And the crowd goes quiet now, as Hardy settles himself down at the desk, body straight, shoulders relaxed, pen held lightly but firmly in the right hand. He dips the pen...in the ink, and he's off! It's the first word, but it's not a word - oh, no! - it's a doodle. Way up on the top of the lefthand margin is a piece of meaningless scribble - and he's signed his name underneath it! Oh dear, what a disapointing start. But his off again - and here he goes - the first word of Thomas Hardy's new novel, at ten thirtyfive on this very lovely morning, it's three letters, it's the definite article, and it's "The!"

(continues)

p

semprini

I don't know, "Sempron" comes awfully close to one of the Words Not To Be Used.

Am I the only one that saw the name and immediately thought: "Semprini!?" [Google cache]

Well, how very interesting, because I'm now made entirely of tin.

WTF? Whois Eric Idle?

This has nothing to do with age, this is ignorance, pure and simple.

Eric Idle is Harry the Haggler, Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-as-Sir Launcelot, and many more. He even met Adolf Hitler.

One more reality show like "Wife Swapping" and I'm going to kill my TV..

Wasn't that originally done by Dave Chapelle as a SPOOF on reality TV? Ugh...

Monty Python did it first.

Schwab

Link for your convenience.

I'd say it's inappropriate to have people (paying subscribers, even) have their entire subnet get knocked off Slashdot, just because of three downmods in 24 hours. (Then have an impertinent "meh, wait out the ban period" as the response.)

Hmm...kinda like shooting mosquitos with bazookas.

HANK
Well, I've been a Slash developer all my life. I love Slashdotters. That's why I like to kill 'em. I wouldn't kill an Slashdotter I didn't like. Goodday Roy.

Pull back to reveal he is walking with his brother in fairly rough server farm. They pull a small trailer with 'high explosives' written in large letters on the side. The trailer has modbombs in it. Hank takes a bazooka from the trailer.

VOICEOVER
Hank and Roy Spim are tough, fearless Slash developers who have chosen to live in a violent, unrelenting world of nature's creatures, where only the fittest survive. Today they are off to hunt Slashdotters.

Big close-up Roy Spim. He is obviously searching for something.

ROY (voice over)
The Slashdotter's a clever little bastard. You can mod him for days and days until you really get to know him like a friend. He knows you're there, and you know he's there. It's a game of wits. You hate him, then you respect him, then you kill him.

...

Just a little humor to save the day!

Cheers,

Ethelred (a fellow subscriber)

This is the average gamer let's not forget. So, because we can only age 1 year every year, this means that there are more gamers entering the market. If the average age is going up by approx 5 years per every year, this means that more and more pensioners are entering the gaming market, not more youth. If these games are truly targeting the 'mass market' then we have some really odd pensioners.

[Mozart] Hello again, and welcome to the show. Tonight we continue to look at some famous deaths. Tonight we start with the wonderful death of Genghis Khan, conqueror of India. Take it away Genghis.

[Cut to Genghis Khan's tent. Genghis strides about purposefully. Indian-style background music. Suddenly the music cuts out and Genghis Khan with a squawk throws himself in the air and lands on his back. This happens very suddenly. Judges hold up cards with points on, in the manner of ice skating judges.]

[Voice Over] 9.1, 9.3, 9.7, that's 28.1 for Genghis Khan.

[Mozart still at piano.]

[Mozart] Bad luck Genghis. Nice to have you on the show. And now here are the scores.

[Scoreboard with Eddie Waring figure standing by it. The scoreboard looks a little like this:]

29.9 St Stephan
29.3 Richard III
29.1 Jean D'arc
29.0 Marat
28.2 A. Lincoln (U.S of A)
28.1 G. Khan
3.1 King Edward VII


By Monty Python

Python

Nah, he's talking about the Hell's Grannies episode.

First, an article about the shape of the universe, quoting a researcher from the University of Ulm. Then the University Lifestyle Manager (ULM).

I wonder if all this is somehow connected to Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern Schplenden Schlitter Crasscrenbon Fried Digger Dingle Dangle Dongle Dungle Durstein von Knacker Thrasher Apple Banger Horowitz Ticolensic Grander Knotty Spelltinkle Grandlich Grumblemeyer Spelterwasser Kurstlich Himbleeisen Bahnwagen Gutenabend Bitte Ein Nürnburger Bratwustle Gerspurten Mitz Weimache Luber Hundsfut Gumberaber Shönedanker Kalbsfleisch Mittler Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm...

It needn't be a little penguin. It can be the biggest penguin you've ever seen. An electric penguin, twenty feet high, with long green tentacles that sting people, and you can stab it in the wings and the blood can go spurting psssssshhhh in slow motion.

Especially Long John Silver Impersonators...

I have no sympathy for people who have so many good choices that they have trouble choosing just one.

And no one is asking you to. This is not an appeal on the behalf of rich people with absolutely nothing wrong with them, it's an observation of a phenomenon. For those paralyzed by such indecision, it offers possible self-help techniques. For those who might have to face the consequences of said phenomenon, it offers insight in how to work around it.

Speaking of that Monty Python skit, Microsoft might as well change their argument to "Remember, buy MS Office, and go to heaven!"