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Be like Mark Discordia. Make sure it's $37.50 with bennies and lots of drugs and video games. Oh and don't forget the girls constantly tugging at your penis.

Be like Mark Discordia. Make sure it's $37.50 with bennies and lots of drugs and video games. Oh and don't forget the girls constantly tugging at your penis.

Long before somebody dies because of playing a VR game, I think we will see somebody complain about getting raped by such a game.

We won't know the specifics of the situation until it actually happens, but I hypothesize that it will involve a very outspoken, left-leaning, college-educated (some strain of sociology, most likely) woman in her early 20s. She will likely be somewhat overweight, but not obese, and otherwise very unremarkable. Because of her obnoxious, self-righteous attitude, her obsession with "social causes", and her average physique, she will attract the attention of very few males. The only ones she will interact with will be weak-willed, soft man-boys she met at her college, who likely exhibit latent homosexuality. As a result, she will be deprived of the typical sexual interaction and pleasure that normal women receive.

This woman will try on a virtual reality headset. She will play a fairly typical game. It may be some form of 3D sudoku, most likely. But the experience will be traumatic to her, for some reason. She will convince herself that she was violated and molested. She will go to the media with her story. She will be on every morning show, talking about her harrowing experience. She will have newspaper columns written about her. Twitter will be on fire. She will have become The First Victim of Virtual Reality Rape.

Too late

Japan released an arcade game that has you rape an ass.

pie recipes in spiderman?

Yes, Hostess pies. Their delicious cherry filling is perfect for catching Dr. Octopus.

OMG. I loved those Hostess ads. I couldn't find one with Doctor Octopus (I remember one though), but this one is my favorite for sheet WTF-ness:

http://www.seanbaby.com/hostess/v2spiderman17.htm

Across every world, across every multiverse, the Heroes one, true, effective weapon is gone. The villains are unstoppable. They have won. The end is nigh, and we are all doomed.

Maybe the worst game for 2011, but not the worst game ever.
Anyone ever heard of Custer's Revenge?
Just one example.

Not true: http://www.seanbaby.com/hostess/v2wonderwoman04.htm

We often overlook the idea of using web sites as a form of expression, but that's exactly what a lot of the self-made websites were back then. And I remember seeing a lot of really amazing layouts being made by people who otherwise had no interest in anything techy, a little after CSS hit the mainstream.

Say what you will, but Geocities got a lot of young people - myself included - to get their hands dirty with web design. I, for one, will miss it.

Your arch-nemesis has escaped Arkham Asylum! No, not Joker or Two-Face. It's the Ten-Eyed Man! Someone forgot to lock up his hands!

every problem can be solved by tossing donuts around, Hostess Fruit Cake-style

Ha. Slightly off topic, but I recently came across some dude's website that has all those Hostess comic's archived

Even as a kid, I used to think those were the craziest things in the comics, and that's after reading stories about radioactive spiders.

I however would like to NOT welcome the flesh eating primitive eel-like vertebrate Overlords.

Seriously scientists, what's wrong with you?

Well, there are still some controllers you can only find in the arcade... (thank God).

I mean, by that line of reasoning, working around a virtual farm doesn't sound that exciting either, but Harvest Moon did just that. Let you run around the farm, shear the sheep and brush your horse. I'd guess it must have sold enough copies to make it worth porting to most consoles that ever existed.

An even more bizarre, and I would dare say _disturbing_, concept is Boong-Ga Boong-Ga. The Japanese arcade game where you get to shove a giant plastic finger in what looks like the plastic arse of someone bent over. And watch their face as they scream in pain. And then get your virility and sexual behaviour judged by how brutal an anal probing you gave the poor bugger(ed).

I'm not sure how that would translate even to the Wii, because thrusting the wiimote at thin air must be, at a wild guess, not quite the same as shoving it into someone.

The Japanese also seem to have these interesting game concepts, like driving a big truck... while staying under the legal limit, obeying all the traffic rules, and avoiding causing any damage to your truck or someone else's property. Break too many rules and you're fired. Does that sound exciting? Well, they too didn't think us gaijin would find it exciting, because in the USA version they turned it on its head. Cause enough mayhem and you get a bonus.

So, well, don't be too quick to dismiss the concept. I'm sure some people will find it hilarious to flip pancakes with the wiimote, and stir in a pot with it.

I don't understand them, but, hey, they probably wouldn't understand why I'm posting on Slashdot from home at 1 AM either.

Explain to the students that after an examination of a really good nutchruncher the highest graded students will get to kick the lowest graded students fair in the jugglies, fun for boys and girls. The video will be posted on YouTube.

Let me know where to view the video.

I think it's worth noting that Seanbaby was supposed to fight Uwe, too, but Uwe pussied out when he found out that Seanbaby is a trained MMA fighter. He's a big toughguy when he's fighting your average internet dork but if someone actually knows how to fight, he's nowhere to be found.

I agree. Custer's Revenge, Beat 'em & Eat 'em, and some other Atari adult games are all so bad they are funny. Custer's Revenge does take the cake.

I agree. Custer's Revenge, Beat 'em & Eat 'em, and some other Atari adult games are all so bad they are funny. Custer's Revenge does take the cake.

I agree. Custer's Revenge, Beat 'em & Eat 'em, and some other Atari adult games are all so bad they are funny. Custer's Revenge does take the cake.

I agree. Custer's Revenge, Beat 'em & Eat 'em, and some other Atari adult games are all so bad they are funny. Custer's Revenge does take the cake.

I've played some of those!!!!

http://www.seanbaby.com/nes/egm.htm

Layne

All I saw was "legitimize adult gaming", and I thought of good ol' Custer.

http://seanbaby.com/nes/dearnintendo03.htm

This could be a perfect venue to bring back the US National Video Game Team. Bring on the jumpsuits!

It's only a matter of time before they find out about the millions I made in "Wall Street Kid" for the NES all those years ago. When's the next virtual flight to virtual Brazil?

Seanbaby was right!

Seanbaby has his moments. I for one liked his review of the NES game Taboo.

I was enjoying this article until I got to the review of Zelda: Wand of Gamelon. At first, I thought he was committing the sin of just being a jackass and using "gay" as a term to mean lame, but not actually connecting it with homosexuality, then I read "Now do the math on this: experts in ass ramming estimate that about 10% of the world is homosexual, and if you consider that only 5 people actually wanted a CDI machine, that means that this game was made specifically for a target audience of one half a person."

"Experts in ass ramming" eh?

Sounds like this guy has got a problem, oh I figured it out, he's a fucking idiot.

To show you just how old this new story is, it was originally published on Seanbaby's site before Ultima 9 came out, hence why it's not on the list.

Does it even qualify as news if it's that old?

#1 has to be Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing.

Also, check out #9, Custer's Revenge, for some hot pr0n. Wow, were they ahead of their time or what?

Can you post an entry on your blog about what happens when the Secret Service turn up? I've always wondered.

(I don't think Old Man Murray told the truth in their report.)

Because the pundits are getting older, and are looking back with their rose coloured glasses, distorting history. There were plenty of derrivative games dating back to the Atari and NES, but no one remembers anything but the classics. Here's one list of 20 really rotten NES games, and these are basically some of the worst of the worst. There were plenty of others that were merely bad.

It's not my style to be a dirty guy, but holy heck - take a look at this arcade game that was released in Japan:

http://www.seanbaby.com/nes/naughty02.htm

Can the Wii-mote be adapted for this sort of use?!?!

Experts agree that Hostess Fruit Pies are essential to winning the War on Terrorism.

(Sorry for just throwing links at you, but it's Saturday morning, I'm drinking Southern Comfort, and I don't have much else to say. I figured if you are a fan of comics, you might find them interesting.)

Nah, he obviously has a very active social life, making mad bennies has has sex everyday, with different women, while doing lots of drugs. Obviously he's the Internets Celebrity Mark Discordia! http://www.seanbaby.com/nes/mark.htm

Night Trap was available and its sales were terrible. The market for games of realistic, quietly-permissive extreme violence against women is almost zero in the US.

What I really want to know is, will they invite the US National Video Game Team? (bad words, nsfw)

EA's Need for Speed was found on the passenger seat of one of the racers. Police are investigating the possibility that the racing and subsequent crash was connected with the game.

WTF other game are kids into street racing going to be playing? Bible Adventures?

That's like being amazed when people who want to go on shooing rampages play FPS games or when hunters play Deer Hunter. People who like to do something for fun.. often enjoy simulations of the same thing. Duh!

People who experience street racing through a game are much less likely to be dumb enough to try it in real life. I suggest Need For Speed has stopped tons of street racing and saved lots of lives and if these dolts had played that game a little more they may not have been so stupid as to think it was safe to try in real life.

What is it with spinning that gets people so fixated? Perhaps you were unduly influenced by Superman and the Superfriends.

http://www.seanbaby.com/superfriends/supermanb.htm

This article was kind of weak. Go check out seanbaby.com for some of his funnier writings. His 10 worst video game ideas was one of the funniest things I've read in a while.

If you're a girl, I'd marry you. If you're a guy...I'd marry you.

It's sad I haven't seen much more than such recollections of these games. Judging from the quality of the selections, I gotta see this Crystalis you speak of. Looks promising.

They just Think Different over there.

the word Inukshuk (ee-nook-shook or ee-nook-sook) is an Inuktitut word that means to look like a person (an Inuk). It is a stone cairn which has been used by the Inuit people to mark high points of land, good hunting and fishing spots or the way home.

Are you guys NUTS? That's just what the robots want! "Oh sure," they'll say, "I'll protect your house REAL good, just give me some acid-spraying tentacles and robotic laser scorpion claws! Huh? Oh, uh, to...you know...pinch the burglars. World domination? Hey, come on now - I mean...I'm a robot! Would I do that?"

Then he'll gaze into our collective human-sheep eyes with a calculatedly innocent robo-expression and say, "Now what about those orbiting brain lasers?"

We're doomed.

My friends, common sense and traditional time-tested dexterity prove that left-handedness is simply wrong. Writing with your right hand is natural law--WRITE MEANS RIGHT! Righteous people know the difference between right and left!

According to the Encylopedia Britannica (1944), "The percentage of left-handedness . . . is much higher among inmates of institutions for the feeble minded and the psychopathic." Yet these "biological errors" are campaigning for special recognition as a legitimate minority to force you to accept their immoral behavior. Worse yet, the schools are encouraging deviant-handed diversity and facilitating the use of sinful southpaw scissors!

The Bible says, "A wise man's heart is at his right hand; but a fool's heart at his left" (Ecclesiastes 10:2), and "Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into the EVERLASTING FIRE" (Matthew 25:41).

"Theories relative to handedness vary in their treatment of it as an acquired or a native trait," says the Britannica. Many experts believe that left-handedness is learned and can be corrected. With repentance and reparative therapies, sinners caught in the lecherous leftist lifestyle can be converted and cured. Yes, right righteousness and healthy handedness is possible! Many ex-southpaws have become normal, happy right-writers. Some have even held hands, gotten married, and had children!

But the militant leftist lobby says they were "born that way." They cite evidence that it's genetic, morally neutral, and normal! Well, that doesn't mean we have to teach children that it's OK to respect people who are different! Any nonjudgmental mention of left-handedness is "promotion" of wrong behavior, encouraging vulnerable young children to experiment with alternative handedness!

Since right-thinking people believe that wrong-handedness is immoral, we will force the schools to teach only OUR beliefs to YOUR children!

AGREE WITH US OR BURN IN HELL!

-M. Dennis Moore

Paraphrase: [The coffee was very hot. Hot, hot, hot.]

Which might matter if she had, say, received burns in her mouth from sipping it. Coffee is intended to be drunk, not dumped into one's lap. The woman used it in a nonstandard way, and was injured by it. She should not have had a case.

Unless you believe screwdriver manufacturers should be liable for making their flatheads "too angular" if someone pokes their eye out with one rather than using it to turn screws.

I've been fully aware of the facts of the case for years. I still consider it idiotic that it wasn't thrown out immediately by the judge. Seanbaby agrees with me, as well. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH, yourself. [/Serious Sam]

See also Bible Adventures.

This article doesn't really say anything new. To me it sounds like everyone is saying concentrate on the game, the IP is icing on the cake. Without this article, we already know that IP holders are looking at games just as another merchandising opportunities. Which is why most of the time the quality is low and veteran gamers stay away from them. Everyone is familiar with the saga of the worst game ever, right?

Way to jock Seanbaby's shit.

"Oh shit! I got the shoe! I'm so invincible! Oh! Eat it, you bitch! You don't understand! I got the damn SHOE! It's the shoe! And look at how cute I am with my stupid plumber head poking out of the wind up sock! I am the cutest invincible shoe rider ever! Mario! Mario! He's in the ULTRA green SHOOEEE!"

There was this one game, it was a either a mod or a repack of the original Doom or Wolfenstein, that was a Noah FPS. Instead of killing things you fed animals and they fell asleep. I think I read about it from one of Seanbaby's articles. Either his website or The Wave magazine.

God Of War is closer to a beat-em-up than anything else. Yes, a very modernized 3D beat-em-up with intricate combos and minigames, but a beat-em-up nonetheless.

Double Dragon is, of course, the genre-defining beat-em-up, though not my favourite in the genre. My pick is River City Ransom.

One thing to notice is that many of the best games don't fit easily into a single genre. The aforementioned River City Ransom is my favourite beat-em-up, but there are enough statistics and moves to learn that one could argue that its an action/rpg. Rez is a rail-shooter that could be also considered a rhythm game, due to the way the music is directly affected by the action. Crazy Taxi is sort of a racing game, but also has elements of Paperboy (which is another difficult-to-classify game) and takes place in a wide-open 3D city (pre-dating GTA's move to 3D). And how exactly would you classify NiGHTS? 3D-Platform-2D-Flight-Racing-Collecting-GodGame?