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The Definitive Episode 3 Spoiler Synopsis
An anonymous reader submits "Want to know who gets killed in the first ten minutes of the movie? How come Yoda runs off to Dagobah? Who will Darth Vader kill? Will the Clonetroopers become Stormtroopers? Will Chewbacca or Grand Moff Tarkin have a role in Star Wars:Episode III, and if so what is it? AgonyEngine of the Phatooine Network dares to answers these questions with a definitive timeline synopsis and character analysis, carefully compiled from the many spoilers and spy reports from the insiders and interviews."
i fail it. i fail it. i fail it. i really do.
What the hell?! Lucas shocks us again! This is bigger than Vader begin Luke's father, or Leia being Luke's sister.
00:00:03 Server /.'ed.
Spoiler: Phatooine Network gets /.ed in the first few minutes.
You are more than the sum of what you consume. Desire is not an occupation.
Thanks for ruining the movie...didn't even say the link contained spoilers.
/.'d
There are some people that if they don't know, you can't tell 'em.
Apparantly it is still over a year away, I bet a lot of these leaked rumours etc. will turn out to be quite wrong by the time the actual film comes around. Maybe a bit of Hollywood spin to get people talking?
is clouding my connection to the server. I heard a million requests and all went silent.
Vader's ship...mySQL....guess we finally know who would win..
On Usenet... in a phish group of all places. Still, matches up with the details of this linked story, and I think explains things better.
Look out the for a walk-on from Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. It's so awesome, Triumph walks up to Darth and asks him which button to press on his breather to call his parents to come pick him up! I'm pooping with anticipation!
You know they made a book out of those movies?? LAF
It's really too bad that you need a "Hyperspace Login" (read: Give-us-the-right-to-spam-you-into-the-next-age Login) to see like 99% of the content on the site.
Having a movie spoiled was never this difficult on AICN.
movies I know I'm going to like.
So I read the spoiler for Matrix: Revolution, and now I have absolutely no desire to see it. This technique also works for execrable movie adaptations like Timeline.
This saves me:
* a metric buttload of money;
* from disappointment;
* more time for my kids.
Laugh at my Lisp and I keeell you.
Want to know who gets killed in the first ten minutes of the movie?
That would be httpd, Bob.
Comparing it to Windows will be a moot point, since El Dorado is going to have a 40% larger code base than XP.
This stuff has been readily available for a while -- also condensed at theforce.net.
Being a former spoiler hound for episodes 1 & 2, I found that they sounded much better on paper than they were on screen. This one doesn't really even sound appealing on paper, beyond The Duel, which either means it's going to rock, finally (unlikely) or that it will be so mindblowingly bad that The Phantom Menace will look like Citizen Kane in comparison.
I am not Herbert.
This movie will suck ass.
Do you even lift?
These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.
is that it will be similar to episodes I and II and will be a rental, not a theatre excursion. Soon afterward the whole heresy that was I II and II can be forgotten.
Celebrities are like ads, if we all ignore them, they'll just go away.
All that research! If we could only focus that amount of mental power on piecing together other important issues, like where Saddam Hussein is, or what exactly Michael Jackson was doing with those kids...
stuff |
Today's Slashdotting has saved my weak-willed self from spoiling the movie. Hopefully the urge to click through has passed by the time the site is responding...
The Essential Episode 3 Character Summary Analysis:
***This Character summary and analysis is the companion guide to the Definitive Episode 3 Plot and Timeline Synopsis. It will also be subject to change as we obtain new information about Episode 3. This character summary will provide additional information that the 'timeline' will not. Together, both projects should provide a signifigant insight into Star Wars Episode 3. Sources include: HS Set Notes, Web Cam, Web Chats, SW Insider, Homing Beacon, and other various rumors/sources from around the net.***
Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader: In episode 3 Anakin will indeed be a Jedi Knight, and he will sport two very different looks. One rugged look, and one very rugged, scarred look. Rick McCallum confirms that Anakin loses more body parts. Anakin's light saber style is vulnerable on a slope. Anakin's turn to the dark side is TWO HRS LONG! Obi/Ani fight will not be about effects, but---betrayal! Anakin's downfall will make fans saddened, shocked, angry and betrayed! Anakin kills Dooku, and really early in the film as previously reported. And the former Jedi isn't officially named "Darth Vader" until after the lava bath. But don't take this to mean he doesn't do some very, very dark things before the duel takes place. A scene was filmed which echoes the Palpatine/Anakin discussion in Episode II. It also takes place in Palpatine's office, but the "assignment" being talked about in this situation is vastly different than that of the AOTC Palpatine/Anakin discussion. This assignment will likely be that of Palpatine's body guard... We will see why Darth Vader is named Darth Vader... All of Vader's injuries will be explained except one... We will see LORD VADER....choking could happen. Vader will be the most deadly character in the movie... There is currently no plan for Vader to be CG! It's true that Anakin will lose more of himself as the movie progresses and become more machine than man. One way in which this happens is that he'll lose his right leg after the 'duel'. Anakin knows Padme is pregnant... Anakin will attempt to rescue Obi again. JEJ won't record his dialogue for another year, if at all; he had been rumored to be recording 5 mins of dialogue for the final mins of the movie...
- Dialogue - Vader/Anakin: 3 words from Vader: "I don't fear... "
- Anakin meets Lava: (3 tests - one version will likely be used for the movie)
- Anakin Test #1: Anakin is burned black almost completely head to toe, except for his face. He is charcoal black and it honestly is sickening. The only burn marks on his face creep up along his right side of the face and the top and bottom of his eye. His ear is almost completely gone and around his lips there are several severe burns as well. This is really a sight to behold.
- Anakin Test #2: This test involved Hayden getting made to look very close to the unmasked Vader from Return of the Jedi. His skin is very dark tan in color and he has that huge gash in the right side of the top his head and other marks you may recognize. There are many small burns and scrapes on his face, with the most substantial burns appearing on both cheeks and then burned to a black crisp the rest of the way down.
- Anakin Test #3: In this final version, Hayden was made up to be burned, but not NEARLY as severe. He has massive bags under his eyes and his hair is almost completely singed off - but not quite, some stubble still remains. The left side of his face is in terrible condition, extending down his neck then to an entirely burned body as well. The others look more over the top, where this one looks more like just terrible 2nd degree burns.
Obi-Wan Kenobi/Ben: Obi-Wan's actions are important to the events that end the Clone Wars; he will become General Kenobi, THE great hero of the Clone wars! Obi-Wan will fight droids under water in Episode Obi-Wan will get the living crud beaten out of him in Eppy 3! Obi-Wan will become a fugitive and change his name to Ben... The reason
jer
We may be human, but we're still animals
- Steve Vai
I hope this movie leaves us speechless.
I joked with my friends on Lucas watching "Lord Of The Rings" and "Matrix" and saying "Man! We have a lot of work ahead to surpass these people!!"
You'd think a Jedi could handle a little slashdotting.
He should have joined the Dark Side.
If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem
I read some of it. Sounds quite plausible, but I stopped reading about 25% of the way in to not ruin the entire movie.
Quick summary: Sounds like there's going to be a lot of action. That's a good thing, considering Lucas couldn't write a single line of dialog to save his life.
Big suprise there, mix two things with huge followings and you get a downed server.
"Help me Obi-Wan your our only hope!"
-Certified TechnoWeinie
Thanks for...
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SELECT * FROM phpbb_smilies
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Or how about...
"Warning: mysql_connect(): User luminou_phpbb@ has already more than 'max_user_connections' active connections in
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Love it.
I wanna know if Lumpy will be making an appearance. And if so, is he gonna have that cool holographic television do-hicky.
--I'm not talking about dance lessons. I'm talking about putting a brick through the other guy's windshield.-
You have ruined the ending for us all. At least we can all look forward to being suprised at the end of The Passion and Return Of The King.
The Definitive Episode 3 Plot Timeline Synopsis:
... Rumored paraphrase of the opening crawl: Supreme Chancellor Palpatine has been captured by the Separatists. Two Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker have found out where Palpatine is being held and lead a Squad of Clonetroopers to rescue the Chancellor...
***This is an effort to put all existing news and current rumor together in such a way that we (the fans) can visualize what Star Wars Episode 3 will be like over a year before hand, in a more entertaining manner than simple lists of unorganized facts; sources include: Star Wars Hyperspace, Set Notes, Insider, Homing Beacon, SW web chats, and current rumors that fit well with the facts from TFN, T'Bone, Eppy X, and JediNet***
Star Wars Episode 3 - Revenge of the Sith (rumored title)
Rated PG - Rumored to push the PG envelope
Film time - Approximately 2hrs
Film Style - Sci-Fi adventure; reported to have more action & adventure than the 1st two prequels
Plot timeline and synopsis (keep in mind that the order and detail of scenes will be subject to change as new information becomes available; this is a living and breathing document):
- Opening Scroll: Episode III takes place 3 years after AOTC and is very important because the film opens up in the middle of things (like ANH).
- Giant space battle: Supposedly the clone wars end at the beginning of the film and a huge space battle is taking place above the planet of Coruscant. It looks that the battle will be focused around a 'kidnapped' Palpatine. Windu will be in some sort of space action... Anakin will be impressive in the opening battle as he shows us all why he's known as the best star pilot in the galaxy. R2 will be part of a space battle between proto-type Ties and X-Wings. R2 will be flying in the back of a small fighter (new Jedi Starfighter) in Eppy 3 (likely with Anakin). The opening battle is strictly a SPACE battle, but land battles will occur later on in the film! We will see gigantic fleets of starships. Choreography of E3 space battle will supercede the ROTJ space battle.
- Giant space battle - Jedi Starfighters: Anakin, Obi-Wan, Plo-Koon and other Jedi will fly Starfighters. These scenes include a Jedi being destroyed by enemy fire from behind, high-energy scenes of Anakin and Obi-Wan piloting a rotating Starfighter cockpit. Anakin will be wearing a similar headband seen used by Obi-Wan in the Jedi Starfighter in AOTC...
- Giant space battle - Trade Federation Cruiser Bridge: The shooting is on the fully-constructed Trade Federation Cruiser Bridge set which is one of the largest built for Eppy 3. The Neimoidian characters in the scene will show them working the controls of the ship and looking up with alarm at a new development. Sounds like someone is about to go kablooey!
- Giant space battle - Anakin Rescues Obi-Wan, Kills Dooku, and saves Palpatine: Dooku is supposed to die within the first 10 minutes of the movie... Christopher Lee shot a pivotal confrontation scene as Count Dooku which will have action and powerful dialogue. It's rumored he will be beheaded by Anakin due to a conversation between Nick Gillard's and Christopher Lee. While Lee was chatting with Gillard, he jokingly talked about decapitation. It's also rumored that Dooku will lose some limbs and Anakin will hack him up with two sabers...
- Rumored action: Obi-Wan and Anakin are flying new Jedi Starfighters that have a strange similarity to TIE fighters in the original trilogy. It's a very exciting scene with lots of action. Obi-Wan and Anakin try to get a lock on Shaak Ti's tracking device (she was captured along with Palpatine) and find that she and Palpatine are in the most heavily guarded ship. Obi-Wan and Anakin call for backup from the Clone troopers just as 20 or so droid fighters leave the ship and attack.
- The droid fighters look like smaller Imperial shuttles. The battle continues and one of the droid shuttles deploys a bunch of sphere shaped droids
And to be frank, the worst part about /.'s otherwise commendable policy of allowing every post to stand is that we have idiots who will come in here and post spoilers with the deliberate intention of ruining the movie for everybody else.
I remember when we were days away from Matrix: Reloaded, and some idiot posted with the title Trinity Dies. Of course, Trinity didn't die, but the suggestion that she might acted like a splinter in my mind--if I might borrow a phrase from Morpheus--during my viewing of the movie.
goatse.cx by comparison is relatively innocent, at least in my book.
WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW HOW A MOVIE ENDS BEFORE THEY SEE IT?
This drives me crazy! I mean, I even get pissed off at these stupid DVD's that show you previews of the movie you're about to watch before they even let you at the fucking PLAY BUTTON.
And then there are idiots like MATT DRUDGE who will happily spoil a movie using his 48 point type headline if it somehow offends his laughable moral point-of-view.
The great hope here is that some day we'll have the bandwidth so that when a movie is released, we'll have the opportunity to see it, live, before anybody gets to make their day spoiling it for the rest of us.
Thank you for sitting through this diatribe
Is this truly the only Earth I can live on?
Umm...if you can get through to the site you'll see:
Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2003 9:01 am
Last edited on Thu Oct 23, 2003 8:12 am
Yeah...behind the times we are
Will it suck as badly as the 2nd movie (which sucked even more than the first movie (which none of us thought to be possible))???
Porbably. Pablum for the masses. Nothing to see here - please save your money and move along. Give it to a literacy charity or something.
The heat from below can burn your eyes out
25 comments in and its /.'d already. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, this is Slashdot afterall. Its not like there are any Star Wars geeks here.
"The quality of life is determined by its activites."--Aristotle
Nine freaking hours....
Unless they pull that whole "talking about stuff while we see interspersed clips indicating it happenned" thing that they did in Matrix: Reloaded.
Seeing his recent track record, I'm sure George Lucas took care of that already.
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
That sound you hear is ten of thousands of 35-year-old men padding off to "be alone" for a bit.
Comparing it to Windows will be a moot point, since El Dorado is going to have a 40% larger code base than XP.
Mirrored the spolier synopsis here
it will still blow chunks and make the least of all three prequels.
How dare they!!! I clearly saw in the Star Wars Christmas special that Chewbacca's family was alive and well, and enjoying some wookie p0rn to boot.
For shame!
Press any key to continue, any other key to quit.
from the is-anakin-her-first dept.
Best... Slashdot... Dept... EVER!
I'm a fan, but not a fanboy, so I haven't kept up with Star Wars 'canon'. But for some reason, I've always remembered hearing that Darth Vader would become the Man in the Iron Lung in a battle with Obi-Wan in some sort of volcano-like setting.
Was that alluded to in one of the SW novels, did Lucas say it back in the '80s, or am I psychic (as opposed to psychotic)?
(BTW, easy decision whether to read the spoiler synopsis. I know the story outline will be far superior to the movie itself, so there's nothing lost.)
Stressed? Me? Of course not. Stress is what a rubber band feels before it breaks, silly.
Please God, let it be Jar Jar. Three hours of "Faces of Death"-like gore footage of Jar Jar getting digested by that big sand worm would get *MY* ten bucks.
I'm not normally an irrational zealous dickhead, but I figure "When in Rome..."
I think you are on to something. Maybe actual flesh? Not just her pure form through a gossamer mist? My God! Lucas how can you torture me so?
And, are these leaks actually a marketing ploy of Lucas?
Here's where I'm coming from. There's this story of a restaurantour (sp?) who wanted to drum up business for his band new restaurant. So, for the first month of business, he would tell people who called for reservations that he was booked for a month - even though he had no business at all! This generated a buzz, and increased the popularity of his restaurant many times over even though he wasn't even in business yet! And when he finally opened up, he had more business then he could handle!
Don't forget folks, Lucas is a brilliant marketeer!
There is no spoon or sig.
Movie trailers practically tell the whole readers'-digest version of the story. The worst offender recently was Matrix: Revolutions, where I didn't see a single thing that wasn't alluded to in the trailer. Especially bad was the scene where Neo meets with the machine god, and the only word he says which isn't in the trailer is "peace"!
Free your ecomony and enact the FairTax
You bastard!
I guess I was most surpised to learn that Chewbaka is gay.
[FromTheMorning]
how after episode 1 came out, people said that episode 2 has to be much darker in order for the prequels to have continuity with the originals? And remember how light and fluffy it was? George Lucas isn't necessarily going to wrap up all plot points for a cohesive story. Sure, stuff has to happen, but that doesn't mean it will happen on-screen.
the movie would get really better if Chewie rips off the arms of Jar-Jar Binks?
Well... maybe that's not PG, but what the hell
May the source be with you!
The new bad guy has been described as a 'BAD motha.'
Is Samuel L. Jackson REALLY going to be in the movie?
There's a 68.71% chance you're right.
I'm not going to check the website since I don't want anything to be spoiled. But I'm wondering about one thing: Does it give an answer why certain Jedi's fade away when they die and why other don't?
What's so bad about being lazy? What if there was a war and nobody showed up?
their webservers will be /.ed... and you'll die alone
I have not seen many of these when the database behind the site is Postgres.
As the matter of fact, have not seen many exception pages from Java/JSP coded sites recently either.
Wow. Thanks for posting this here! There was one author (and I wish I could remember who it was) who proposed that the only way to fix George Lucas' total screw-up of the story was to have the real blockbuster in episode 3 as follows: Darth Vader and Yoda are actually conspiring together to hide Luke and Leia from the Emperor... Because they would give the Emperor too much power for a Jedi-free universe to withstand. It's a great idea because it's the only way (I mean the ONLY way) to make the whole Luke's growing up on his Dad's home planet! thing stop sucking.
"Wow. Now THAT'S a lot of angry Indians." - Lt. Col. George Armstrong Custer
LUKE: What's going on?
HAN: Our link is correct, except...no, Website!
LUKE: What do you mean? Where is it?
HAN: Thats what I'm trying to tell you, kid. It ain't there. It's been
totally blown away.
LUKE: What? How?
"Wow, who would have thought that Han Solo was Anakin Skywalker's half-brother."
Oh, say does that Star-Spangled Banner entwine / The myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's vine?
Character Synopsis here
"Christopher Lee shot a pivotal confrontation scene as Count Dooku which will have action and powerful dialogue"
AS powerful as the crappy line to Yoda about settling things with the lightsaber?
Everything in EP3 ends up the way things are when EP4 begins.
Slashdot: Failed Car Analogies. Amateur Lawyering. Anecdote Battles.
Today's Slashdotting has saved my weak-willed self from spoiling the movie. Hopefully the urge to click through has passed by the time the site is responding...
If the last two movies were any indication of how the next one will play, then the spoilers will be far more entertaining.
Does anyone really care about this series any more? Lucas couldn't have ruined any more than he already did. Who was that moron that got to play Anakin in the 2nd movie? My dog does better acting.
It still amazes me that George Lucas so completely fails to understand what made the first movie a success.
I remember hearing this as far back as 1984, and it could go farther than that (if only my memories would :). It was either some fan magazine or the Fan club magazine itself.
It wouldn't surprise me if it was in the original Star Wars script. He had a LOT of stuff in that at first.
Endless arguments over trivial contradictions in books written by ignorant savages to explain thunder in the dark.
But, "Charles Foster Kane" was a very thinly vieled model of William Randolf Hearst.
"Rosebud" was rumored to be Hearst's pet name for his wife's vagina. Needless to say, Hearst was incensed that Orsen Wells made that the character's dying word.
I won't even start to drag in the Rosicrucian links.
Know you know... the rest of the story.
That script needs to be criticized, however. We should not see Darth Vader in Ep III at all. That would preserve suspense on who Darth Vader is until the end of ESB.
BTW, I still like the plot idea talked about on Usenet a while back. That would be more of an emotional scene between Anakin and Padme.
He gets the girl. (And graduates too!)
on the planet endor, of course.
They used walkie talkies to communicate.
Ooh, I know! He'll have a laser gun that shoots three rays instead of one, arranged in a triangular fashion! He's the first in the Star Wars Galaxy who will have thought about this!
Episode 2 was pretty dark for a Star Wars movie, man. Instead of "Yippee!!" every 5 minutes, we had Anakin hack up a bunch of Sand people. Lots of Jedi dying. Less Jar-Jar. Anakin losing an arm (note that the only other time this happens to a "hero" is in the other dark SW movie, ESB). Jango Fett dead, in front of his son. The Empire starting to form.
Take out that idiotic love scene (thank you Imax!), which is kind of important when you think about it, and there's hardly anything light in the whole movie.
Sure, it wasn't Natural Born Killers. Did you really expect that from Lucas?
Endless arguments over trivial contradictions in books written by ignorant savages to explain thunder in the dark.
Michael Jackson did not have sex with those children...
He made love to them.
AC
...Episode IV was titled "A New Hope".
"Finally! A Star Wars movie that doesn't suck!"
--R.J.
Electric-Escape.net
Anyone who is still a fan of star wars after episodes 1 and 2 is a complete, utter loser :)
Hmmm... Maybe a Christopher Lee death scene will be cut out of ANOTHER epic multi-part movie series.
Why would a Wookiee--an eight foot tall Wookiee--want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!
But more importantly, you have to ask yourself: what does that have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!
Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense.
And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation--does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.
If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
"Begun, this Spoiler Season has."
As the matter of fact, have not seen many exception pages from Java/JSP coded sites recently either.
That's because we catch them.
The movie will suck more than episode 1 and 2 combined.
;)
Oh wait, everyone already knew that!
...to be "spoilers," I'd have to still give a shit. I stopped caring about the new Star Wars movies long ago. :)
WWJD? JWRTFM!!!
I hate to say this, but I will....
Like I care anymore?
LongTail SSH Brute Force analysis tool is here!
Personally my highspeed skim of that suggested to me that it has the potential to rock.
/. announces the 9 disc DVD boxset with 3 discs of extra features, and go and buy the thing anyway.
However since we are naturally in one of the most cynical places in the multiverse here, evrybody is professing to think it'll suck.
Anybody want to take bets on everybody who thinks it'll suck going to see it anyway? Of course they'll all go, and come out saying it sucked. Then reiterate the 'it sucks' comments, when
Lucas has every one of us by the nose, we can bitch all we like.. But we'll still watch it. We even complain that the other three films sucked, and we still love them.
Catch-22: You won't see the film because it sucks, but you can't be certain it sucks till you see the film...
(Yes, a crappy Catch-22, I know, I know..)
fortune -o
A shirtless Anakin, a pregnant Padme, and a curious C-3PO have a scene together.
Sounds like a synopsis of some of the worse fanfic out there. There's "pushing PG" and there's just plain wrong.
Now, science fiction can go on to something else.
(And what are we getting? "Battlestar Galactia, the Next Generation")
HAHA KILL JAR JAR uh... eh... zzz...
That is all I need, along with the nifty Dark Side and Empire. "I love it when a plan comes together" is what Palpatine should say at the end like Hannibal Smith.
This is not your beautiful wife. This is not your beautiful house. My god, what have you done?
Now I can barely bring myself to skim the synopsis for ep 3.
Thanks George Lucas for showing me just how meaningless most of my childhood was.
I'll probably download ep 3 anyway...
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle...
Michael Jackson IS Saddam Hussein, or rather Saddam is Michael.
You see, Saddam needed a place to hide. A new identity, as unlike his current one as possible.
So, he had Michael killed (by dropping him in plastic solvent), located the same incompetent plastic surgeon Michael has been using, and had himself made to look like Michael.
www.eFax.com are spammers
Lucas seems to havea real problem managing his villians. He establishes a powerful villiain in Ep1, capable of killing senior Jedi, only to finish the film by cutting him in half. So in Ep2 we have to get introduced to Dooku, who happily kicks Annakin and Obi Wan around, only to be summarily killed at the very beginning of Ep3, so we get a new all powerful villain General Grevious (where the hell does he get these names, just looking through the dictionary?!) who has apparently killed many jedi. So um, exactly how good are these Jedi. There are apparently not that many of them, but there seems to be a large supply of villains who can kick them around.
Lucas really needed to do better than "no, I don't like him anymore, lets' make another villain" approach to things.
Jedidiah
Craft Beer Programming T-shirts
all i know is that if i see chewbacca and he is some fake looking computer rendered model and not some tall dude in a costume i am gonna walk right out of the theater.
I feel a great disturbance in the force. It is as if a thousand TCP connections timed out and then were dropped.
Shop as usual. And avoid panic buying.
Jar Jar lives? Please God, NO!!!!!
Wait a minute. I got it. You could play with your magic nose goblins.
Episodes 1-3 never had to be done, but once Lucas decided to do episode 1, he had to finish the other two. Otherwise, we'd all be sitting here wondering what happened along the way, and wondering when we'd see a movie-of-the-week adaptation of "Splinter of the Mind's Eye".
So really, the question is whether the much rumored - and denied rumored - episodes 7-9 ("the rebuilding of the alliance", or whatever happens after everyone's all happy again) will ever be made.
There's a big difference between a wookie and an ewok. Just ask Leia for her opinons on this matter.
What the hell?! Lucas shocks us again! This is bigger than Vader begin Luke's father, or Leia being Luke's sister.
Vader is Luke's father?!?!!
Leia is Luke's sister!?!?
Man, talk about a bad day for me to wake up from a 26 year coma and immediately log onto Slashdot...
--
Was it the sheep climbing onto the altar, or the cattle lowing to be slain,
or the Son of God hanging dead and bloodied on a cross that told me this was a world condemned, but loved and bought with blood.
Indeed, it seems that Padme is likely killed by Anakin. He uses the force 'choke' on her and goes a little too far. He doesn't mean to kill her.
Christensen now has shoulder length hair and is wearing more black leather underneath his Jedi robe.
It's the tabloidization of news sources, the way Michael and OJ before him (and Kobe) displace real news, that freaks me out. Entertainment and true crime basically belong to a larger category -- distractions. SWIII is for fun, right, but let's not let it push the real news off the front page.
Heck, this Star Wars story could easily run on the front of my local papers. To wit: On one of the two locals today the "U.S. Bars War Foes from Iraq Contracts" sidebar is considerably smaller than the one about, and I quote, "Garlic Bulb Meets the Jetsons in Public Art." Big news, that. It got a color picture, too. (Maybe there just wasn't a keen picture to take of the various figures from Canada, Germany, France, Belgium, Russia, and so on, all fuming at the US policy and threatening to cut us off for future money, restructuring of Iraqi debt, and so on.)
Did I mention the big front page story? It's framed in a giant color photo of apparently abducted college student Dru Sjodin, with all the usual trappings of speculative "true crime" stories, including details about the knife used, her car, the suspect's car, her shoe (to be used as evidence), the DNA match, and so on. We pissed off the known world and threw untold money at Halliburton after killing the anti-war-profiteering laws with respect to our latest war.
Take a look. Sigh. If only Paul Wolfowitz would dress like the Sith Lord he is, maybe we could get him some attention.
"Fundamentalism" isn't about divine morality. It's about human authority.
Google cache of Phatooine.net
Seppuku: Your solution to my problems!
> A shirtless Anakin, a pregnant Padme, and a
> curious C-3PO have a scene together
Dude, that's just sick!!!
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." -- Ambrose Bierce
A shirtless Anakin, a pregnant Padme, and a curious C-3PO have a scene together.
I'm already getting all hot and bothered.
Please tell me that, in the years since, you have somehow managed to get a life.
Just kidding. I've always wondered how anyone, even students (I'm assuming you were a student at the time), could put their lives on hold for that long. And not just because of a movie premier. I don't think I could find anything worthy of three weeks of my time.
I mean, Lucass totally and completely destroyed the Star Wars fantasy with his last two feeble attempts to make a fortune, er, to make a Star Wars movie. Considering it costs about $10 to get in the theater, $3.75 for a small coke, $4.00 for a small popcorn, and $3.00 for a small box of Butterfinger Bites (yummy)... I'll wait and rent the damn thing on DVD and watch it on my 45" Flat Screen with the Bose Surround. Between me and my kid, $50 bucks to see a movie.
The first time we got hosed by Lucass, shame on him. The second time we got hosed by Lucass with the latest Episode, shame on me. I'll be damned if I'll let that fairy hose me a third time.
Hell, with any luck I'll be able to leech it off EfNet before it even hits theaters (like I did the last one). I'll burn it to DVD and invite all my non-famous friends over to my house for the Southern California Premier and it won't cost me a dime... except for the 50 bucks worth of Steak, Beer, Popcorn and Butterfinger bites for me and my friends.
"It is essential that justice be done
Queen AgonyEngine: I was not elected to watch my website suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a committee! If this body is not capable of action, I suggest new leadership is needed. I move for a vote of "no confidence" in CowboyNeal's leadership.
CowboyNeal : What?...No!
REM Old programmers don't die. They just GOSUB without RETURN.
Get over it!!! I for one am tired of people whining about "how bad Phantom Menace sucked" and "George Lucas is a talentless hack". Is the magic that the original trilogy instilled in you gone in the prequels?? Guess what nerd boy? You're not seven anymore!! Star Wars magic is much easier to digest when you're flying through your living room in your Boba Fett underoos.
Was TPM perfect? No, far from it. The dialog was campy and the acting was occasionaly wooden. But AFAIC, the story was rock solid! It set the stage perfectly for what was to come: The galaxy in decline, and Palpatine subtly moving into position to declare himself emporer. The sith reappear for the first time in 1000 years, and we see the boy-who-would-be-Vader as innocent and vulnerable. For this, I can forgive the few jar-jar-isms that get on my nervs.
Episode 2: George gives you what you want, and *still* you bitch!!!! For 20 frickin years, fanboys have wanted to see Boba Fett's arsenal in action, and we finally got it! The darts, the rocket pack, the flamethrower, Slave I; it's all there! We see stormtroopers that can actually hit something. We are exposed to a very film noir Coruscant. Yoda opening a green can of whoopass. You want to whine about Hayden's acting as Anakin? Watch the scene again where he returns carrying the body of his mother, and his following confession to Padme'. Brilliant!! We get to see the Empire born before our eyes with JW's Imperial March resonating in the background. Ohh, but there were a few awkward love scenes that distracted me for 5 minutes THIS MOVIE SUCKS!!!
You want to talk about crappy dialog??? How about:
There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser!!
You want crappy characters that do nothing to the story but sell toys??
one word....Ewoks
You want to whine about GL? If it wasn't for him stepping up to the plate in the early seventies, SCI-FI in film would be DEAD! His work paved the way for Alien, the Star Trek film franchises (and spin offs), and countless other films of the eighties and nineties. You think I'm wrong? Name the last successful "fantasy" film franchise prior to Peter Jackson.....
In closing, both the magic and the weaknesses of the Original Trilogy are present in the Prequels. If you want to be a bitter-thirty-something whose Boba Fett underoos don't fit anymore, fine! You're entitled to your opinions. But there are millions of us fanboys out there who are damn sick & tired of you constantly pissing on our popsicle!
Xenon, where's my money? -Borno
whether or not this movie manages to be even worse than the last one.
Will Greedo be in Episode III? And will he ever get the drop on anyone?
You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
After I saw the first movie (epsidoe 4, and in theatres I might add) I was so damned happy! But then came the spoilers: every other movie lucas made.
I thought Legolam and Gimlet start going around changing how people dress and serve dinner?
I drank what? -- Socrates
That depends what aspects of the book you liked. If you liked the medieval story in the book, then the movie was OK. Forget about the movie if you are looking for anything else from the book: the mystery and slow buildup at the begining, the detailed descriptions of what life was like back then, the jousting (I just realized they removed that completely), the quantum phyiscs mini-lessons, and lots of other things I can't think of right now. Hardly any of that is there at all. They even managed to take all the wonder out of the prospect of time travel. It's not like, say, Jurassic Park, where at least they were able to awe us with the dinosaurs.
Now I can barely bring myself to skim the synopsis for ep 3.
Thanks George Lucas for showing me just how meaningless most of my childhood was.
I'll probably download ep 3 anyway..."
And the media companies probably think people like sTalking_Goat are their problem, rather than people like George Lucas.
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Why a Jedi Master as great as Yoda shows all the decision making skills and insight of a being with Jar Jar's brain throughout the films -- and then cowers away in hiding at the end. In eps 4-6 I always attributed it to his age....But he seems to be pretty much in his prime in eps 1-3...Yet still is a dunce in matters that really matter.
(+1 Funny) only if I laugh out loud.
=========
Together, we will drive the rats from the tundra.
You know what's funny? It's been almost thirty years since the original Star Wars movie (ANH, whatever), and all of the quotes in this thread are from that one.
Where are the Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones quotes? "I don't like your Windows server. It's coarse and rough and irritating--not like you. Your linux server is soft and smooth." Or whatever.
Carthago delenda est!
Got this before the server went down:
... Rumored paraphrase of the opening crawl: Supreme Chancellor Palpatine has been captured by the Separatists. Two Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker have found out where Palpatine is being held and lead a Squad of Clonetroopers to rescue the Chancellor...
The Definitive Episode 3 Plot Timeline Synopsis:
***This is an effort to put all existing news and current rumor together in such a way that we (the fans) can visualize what Star Wars Episode 3 will be like over a year before hand, in a more entertaining manner than simple lists of unorganized facts; sources include: Star Wars Hyperspace, Set Notes, Insider, Homing Beacon, SW web chats, and current rumors that fit well with the facts from TFN, T'Bone, Eppy X, and JediNet***
Star Wars Episode 3 - Revenge of the Sith (rumored title)
Rated PG - Rumored to push the PG envelope
Film time - Approximately 2hrs
Film Style - Sci-Fi adventure; reported to have more action & adventure than the 1st two prequels
Plot timeline and synopsis (keep in mind that the order and detail of scenes will be subject to change as new information becomes available; this is a living and breathing document):
- Opening Scroll: Episode III takes place 3 years after AOTC and is very important because the film opens up in the middle of things (like ANH).
- Giant space battle: Supposedly the clone wars end at the beginning of the film and a huge space battle is taking place above the planet of Coruscant. It looks that the battle will be focused around a 'kidnapped' Palpatine. Windu will be in some sort of space action... Anakin will be impressive in the opening battle as he shows us all why he's known as the best star pilot in the galaxy. R2 will be part of a space battle between proto-type Ties and X-Wings. R2 will be flying in the back of a small fighter (new Jedi Starfighter) in Eppy 3 (likely with Anakin). The opening battle is strictly a SPACE battle, but land battles will occur later on in the film! We will see gigantic fleets of starships. Choreography of E3 space battle will supercede the ROTJ space battle.
- Giant space battle - Jedi Starfighters: Anakin, Obi-Wan, Plo-Koon and other Jedi will fly Starfighters. These scenes include a Jedi being destroyed by enemy fire from behind, high-energy scenes of Anakin and Obi-Wan piloting a rotating Starfighter cockpit. Anakin will be wearing a similar headband seen used by Obi-Wan in the Jedi Starfighter in AOTC...
- Giant space battle - Trade Federation Cruiser Bridge: The shooting is on the fully-constructed Trade Federation Cruiser Bridge set which is one of the largest built for Eppy 3. The Neimoidian characters in the scene will show them working the controls of the ship and looking up with alarm at a new development. Sounds like someone is about to go kablooey!
- Giant space battle - Anakin Rescues Obi-Wan, Kills Dooku, and saves Palpatine: Dooku is supposed to die within the first 10 minutes of the movie... Christopher Lee shot a pivotal confrontation scene as Count Dooku which will have action and powerful dialogue. It's rumored he will be beheaded by Anakin due to a conversation between Nick Gillard's and Christopher Lee. While Lee was chatting with Gillard, he jokingly talked about decapitation. It's also rumored that Dooku will lose some limbs and Anakin will hack him up with two sabers...
- Rumored action: Obi-Wan and Anakin are flying new Jedi Starfighters that have a strange similarity to TIE fighters in the original trilogy. It's a very exciting scene with lots of action. Obi-Wan and Anakin try to get a lock on Shaak Ti's tracking device (she was captured along with Palpatine) and find that she and Palpatine are in the most heavily guarded ship. Obi-Wan and Anakin call for backup from the Clone troopers just as 20 or so droid fighters leave the ship and attack.
- The droid fighters look like smaller Imperial shuttles. The battle continues and one of the droid sh
You would eat the delicious Butterfinger Bites whether or not you went to see the crappy movie. So you really shouldn't include that in the expense of seeing such an abject failure of a film. Granted, they are still overpriced.
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
I mean, anyone who cared to, knew the entire story of Lord of the Rings years before they even started making the films. Does it screw up the movie knowing that Boromir dies, Aragorn triumphs and Frodo Nine-fingers is successful?
Everyone knows that Romeo and Juliet die, Peter Pan escapes, and Oz is a sham -- yet adaptations of these stories never cease, and they're some of the most rewatched/retold stories around.
Any movie that revolves around a single surprise for cinematic weight isn't that good to begin with.
Sure, surprises have their place and they can be really great. but no good film is -ruined- by a spoiled surprise. part of why people like the surprises they do, is because they give you something you enjoyed getting. people -loved- that vader was luke's father. but knowing that before the end of Empire Strikes Back doesn't remove the fact that it's a good addition to the story.
hell, twists that aren't good are made fun of worse than if the plot item they reveal was understood from the beginning.
The Neverending Story was pretty much shown to have been a cliche dream-sequence from the beginning, and it doesn't get half as much crap as other stories with a 'but it was all just a dream' 'twist' at the end. because the others try to -surprise- you with a bad cliche.
so spoiling the surprise doesn't truly ruin anything, unless the surprise is good anyway -- which means the story is still good.
which is why you didn't care if Trinity's death was spoiled, but would have if Bruce Willis' was.
// "Can't clowns and pirates just -try- to get along?"
and that turned out a better movie for it.
if they're not gonna cover the scouring due to time constraints, what's the point of 9 minutes of sarumon and grima in orthanc for the theatrical release?
it'll be in the extended edition -- so pull your panties out of your crack.
What about Lando?
As if millions of slashdotters suddenly accessed a webserver, which was suddenly silenced.
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. -Frederick Douglass
...Attack of the Clones sucked more!
Look at my karma - I'm bad, just like Michael Jackson!
Since the site is /. let me give you the answers to all the scintilating questions which were posed in the teaser . . .
Who cares.
Read any good sonnets lately?
As explained here: If you want to become a Force ghost, die while Luke is watching you.
Mostly we were there only in the afternoon and night. I was there some mornings because the morning shows (Good morning America etc) like to come by and make fun of us in their smug way, and I figured it was my duty to disapoint them in their search for the fat, pale stereotype. I was interveiwed by at least 6 different news companies, including one from Japan and Argentina, and it was fun even if they did try their best to make me look foolish.
No one actaually slept over until the last week before the premiere and contrary to popular belief we all showered regularly. A couple of the people who had flown in for the lineup (one guy from Denmark)had hotel rooms in the hotel next to zeigfeld. So even if we were total rabid geeks, we weren't unwashed losers, even if the media maintained that stereotype.
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle...
Now if we got to "see" Anikin and Padame get together, that'd be worth sitting thru the rest of the movie! But shucks! Lucas is only making PG movies...but it's "key" to the plot George...
. . . does the PLOT matter in a Star Wars movie? Actors recite cheesy dialogue, things blow up, everyone's happy. The only plot point in a SW movie was the hole "you're my dad?" thing in SW:ESB.
"We shall party like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean." - HedonismBot
Therefore, we must acquit!
Horaay for fem-bots.
Good god, if they put all of that stuff in, the movie will be 10 hours long. Not saying that's a bad thing, just saying.
Anyone else notice? Star Wars episode III is a year and a half away, and here we are getting significant spoilers. Sure, we know the storyline for LOTR, but specific spoilers about Jackson's film changes did not really appear until two months prior to ROTK release. Guess who keeps a tighter reign on his project?
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Kit Fisto.
You see this aquatic Jedi for the first time in the Genndy Tartakovsky "Clone Wars" shorts. One of the shorts includes an underwater duel.
Knowledge is power. Knowledge shared is power multiplied.
I've got a bad feeling about this.
"I'm not impatient. I just hate waiting." - My Dad
What won't be a surprise: It will suck. (Is Jar Jar coming back?)
While trying to prove how brave he was by waterskiing behind a bongo and jumping over a shark, a big gooberfish ate the bongo, and Jar Jar... well, most of Jar Jar.
"I'm not impatient. I just hate waiting." - My Dad
Romeo and Juliet die? Thanks a lot, man.
Where is your server farm?
Outside the main building in the Data Center
You'll never make it in time!!! Slashdot is very... *very*... dangerous
Xenon, where's my money? -Borno
If my memory serves me correctly (and it has been a few years since I've been there), the Zeigfeld is on 54th Street (right?). Wouldn't that be next to the Hilton in Midtown? I've stayed at that hotel. Nice place.
...I don't care. No, seriously, I really don't.
When I saw the first movie in '77, the timeline was to be a new movie every 3 years ...
It's amazing in this day and age that has taken so frikken long to get through the last movie - 3 years? Compare and contrast to LOTR, Matrix, etc ad infinitum.
It's embarassing to Lucasfilm and the fine folks at ILM that the rest of the movie making world has figured out how to get through a significant trilogy of films in much less time.
Episodes 1-3 is proving to be 6 long years of "yes, we're still somewhat interested, but fucking finish it already!"
I find your post a bit too bitter, and a bit too severe.
It's not breaking news that GL has mastered marketing better than anyone else. This is not new, since SW had some success, toys shops are filled with Luke's figurines for sale at 50 USD. Because they know people will buy it. Ok.
But this is not mixed with SW plots. I mean, whether he is a good manager or not doesn't have anything to do with his writer skills. One can be a good fellow on one side, and a bad motherfucking merchant on the other. There is no problem with that, life is full with this kind of people (me, you, him, Obi-Wan, etc.)
Apart from that, what's wrong with the will to sell a product. If GL had not been such a huge merchant, SW would be something like BladeRunner ; a incredible movie (3 for SW, ok), but not the myth it is today.
And do you really expect a guy who wrote three movies 30 years ago to remind every little details ? It's of no use ; SW is not a diehard fan trilogy anymore, it is a good recall of the old days. Who here believes that fashion in SW is going in the opposite sense than here ? That you can wear some sexy shirts, and 30 years after, fucking bad disco pants ? That you fight at lightning-speed, and 30 years after, you became a fucking parkinson-motherfucker with a dusty saber in the less shaky hand ?
GL wanted to make himself happy with rerecording some movies, and putting the SW world to a new birth. Come on, he deserves it. It made SW, no ?
Regards,
Jdif
Let's overcome our weakness.
...the only white man ever made you wet?
For those that would die defending it, Freedom
has a sweet taste that the protected will never know.
Valuable historical information appreciated.
I mean really. It's obvious from the really bad first 2 movies that it's all a ploy just to make $$$. No one can say that they were actually "good" with a straight face.
It was bound to happen - the card had to happen somehow!
Copyrights, Patents, Trademarks: temporary loans from the Public Domain, not real property ("intellectual" or otherwise)
Is out on PC now. Former Star Wars fans might consider trying it out - the plot, while not all that great, is certainly better written than the last two prequel movies. It might just give you 'a new hope'.
*reaches out with his senses and finds many people groaning right now*
From the looks of it there is potential for it to be really good. But most likely it will be as crappy as the last two.
-- Karma Karma Karma Karma, Karma Chameleon - Boy George