Slashdot Mirror
Robot Identifies Human Flesh As Bacon
Jearil writes "Wired's 'Table of Malcontents' blog links to an article about a wine-tasting robot that thinks humans taste like bacon. The Japanese robot is intended to act as a personal sommelier, suggesting wines, cheeses, and hors d'oeuvres based on its owners personal tastes. It also apparently thinks humans would be tasty as part of a sandwich." From the article: "Let the robot holocaust commence: robots think we taste like bacon ... Upon being given a sample, he will speak up in a childlike voice and identify what he has just been fed. The idea is that wineries can tell if a wine is authentic without even opening the bottle, amongst other more obscure uses ... like 'tell me what this strange grayish lump at the back of my freezer is/was.' But when some smart aleck reporter placed his hand in the robot's omnivorous clanking jaw, he was identified as bacon. A cameraman then tried and was identified as prosciutto." This is most distressing.
Bacon flavored soylent green
Politics is Treachery, Religion is Brainwashing
And that's all I'm going to say.
Was he supposed to know what human flesh tastes like? 'Cause once they get the taste, there's no going back!
If brevity is the soul of wit, then how does one explain Twitter?
This is most distressing.
No it's not. It's brilliant. The only thing putting me off cannabalism was a concern I might not like the taste. Best news ever!
http://twitter.com/onion2k
Well, I for one welcome our new human-eating robotic overlords
humans tasted just like chicken. (I haven't summoned the courage to ask my wife what she thinks I taste like.)
Dog is my co-pilot.
This is not news, oh this is /.
6 /09/robot_thinks_pe.html
http://www.collisiondetection.net/mt/archives/200
Common sense is not so common
Let's just hope these robots are orthodox religious types...
After calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning, E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.
Now that would be a truly distressing designation!
This message printed on 100% post-consumer recycled electrons.
If there are no Polynesian cannibals in your area, ask a soldier or fireman what burning human flesh smells like.
We smell like pork when we're well-done. The robot got it absolutely right. And I, for one, would like to remind the robot that I'm absolutely delicious when served with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Note to self: Change chicken-based recipes.
it looks like the Rise of the Machines will take place in the kitchen.
The higher the technology, the sharper that two-edged sword.
This does not surprise me considering that pork is the closest thing to human flesh that we eat.
I used to theorize that human flesh probably contains more of the same nutrients we need than any other food out there, so I had guessed in the past that in theory it would be pretty tasty.
Mmmmm..... Bacon....
What is mankind really? Well, it's just two words put together Mank, and ind.
One thing is certain, the repetitive jokes will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new "I for one welcome..."-joke-setting-up overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted Slashdotter I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground repetitive-joke-comment caves (as if they need it).
Read Pynchon.
Say, they didn't happen to give us that cameraman's name? Where to find him, perhaps? He sounds like the kind of guy I'd love to meat. Er, meet. He sounds like maybe he could use a comforting olive oil bath, and then relax on a bed of mozarella and fresh basil.
Where are the Soylent Green Jokes?
They like alcohol. And gambling.
when the robot said "I'm a friend of Sarah Connor. I was told she was here. Could I see her please?"
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Well at least now we know to pair human flesh with a darker, spicier red like Zinfandel or Shiraz / Syrah.
Phew.
In addition to tasting the male cameraman, a female reporter was smelled. The robot described her as having a pungent fish odor.
Why is this distressing? That just sounds *accurate*. Err, I mean by all accounts... I still remember my Design Tech teacher sternly warning us all to be careful with soldering irons as they are very hot, which he proceeded to demonstrate by pressing it against his fingers with a hiss, then sniffing and exclaiming, "Smells like bacon!"
"Yes, Virginia, there is a Great Cthulhu..."
...and now I know why. :(
Robots don't know it's not bacon!
Guys have sausage, ya know.
wolfbagging -- (NSFW) but you can look it up here.
This is seriously why I don't dine on swine. Back on the farm I grew up on from time to time we'd have to cut up a pig for whatever reason and the way pig's flesh looks when being cut open looks EXACTLY like human flesh being cut, and it's haunted me for years. Pigs are just too close to people in my mind.
adventure-today.com
"The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which."
Reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled.
He should have chosen a Burgundy, which is a fine match for prosciutto, instead of a Chianti.
Life is like a web application. Sometime you need cookies just to get by.
The robot probably isn't far off...
The Aztecs had a long legacy of cannibalism as part of their religious ceremonies. It was considered (I assume by those not experiencing it) an honor to be killed and eaten as a token to their god(s).
After the Spanish came and forcefully converted the native American survivors to Roman Catholocism, the Aztecs adopted the stigma attached to cannibalism. However, they couldn't get enough of that porcine protein brought over from Europe. When asked about their focused consumption of pigs, the former people eaters replied with a simple answer: pigs taste like you and me.
We would be good on a sandwich.
... we are flesh and bone just like any other mammal, and it seems reasonable to believe that animals which are similar anatomically would have similar compounds that generate similar tastes.
Humans and pigs are actually fairly close anatomically, which is why high school students dissect pig fetuses every year and why pigs are a promising species in the field of Xenotransplantation. And it's really not distressing at all, after you get over the ick factor. We're not made of magical fairy dust
For security, the MD5 hash of this message and sig is 09f911029d74e35bd84156c5635688c0.
What it really said is that you smell like a pig.
Deleted
Here I always thought PASTRAMI was the king of the smoked meats.
Cool! Amazing Toys.
What does robot taste like?
Engineering is the art of compromise.
Roberto is one crazy robot... but seriously, bacon? Not "ugly bags of mostly water?"
Well at least we don't taste like Spam
Really, there's nothing to worry about, since as Asimov pointed out in his story "Reason" (1941), the robots are not likely to find pork appealing: "There is no master but the Master, and QT-1 is his prophet." ;-) (My friend is a Muslim, so I can make this joke ... I think.)
Shop as usual. And avoid panic buying.
Erm... What does brains tastes like?
If I clone myself, can I call it a thread?
If a girl winks to us, can I call it a race condition?
I bet the tongue tastes like tongue.
Eloi are stupid, throw morlocks at them!
I'm relatively sure that the robot may have been "tasting" the soap and other hygiene products the two had used that day in combination with their skin, we'd probably have to use it in a clean room to see what we really taste like.
I guess the bacon eating robot got Taco and Cowboy Neal.0 4&threshold=0
There will be no threading today
http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=06/11/09/15342
Oh You POS
True story. I was having radiosurgery to remove a birthmark a couple of years ago. Essentially it burns off the skin in a way that allows it to heal with no scarring. I'm dosed up with Novocain and am lying down trying not think of whats going on a few inches from my eyes. Suddenly it smells like burning pork. I think to myself "What the hell is burning." A moment later I realized it was me.
it makes perfect sense that the robot would think this. we use pig skin graphs on burns victims, so pig skin and human must be very similar.
If you mod me down, I will become more powerful than you can imagine....
We're a lot closer to swine than most would imagine, pigskin has been used for xenografts for human burn victims and of course pig heart valves have been implanted into people. Rumor even has it that we taste about the same, ever heard the saying, "humans, the other pork" or the term long-pig?
Apocalypse Cancelled, Sorry, No Ticket Refunds
As a vegetarian, I'm going to stick to hufu, the "tofu-based product that is meant to resemble, as realistically as possible, the taste and texture of human flesh"!
This robot is smarter than people think. It can also tell a person's nationality by taste!
Not if the robots are vegan.
I'm not at all concerned about getting eaten by Asimo or TMX Elmo.
If the Matrix , the Terminator, and Futurama have taught me anything, is that robots would be more likely to farm me, shoot me, or steal from me first.
I'd be more worried about getting eaten by *you*, should the robo-apocalypse ever come to pass...
Only build Jewish robots.
What will the robot say Kevin Bacon tastes like?
At least we're not identified as SPAM and just tossed away.
I have a feeling that we won't survive
We'll be eaten alive by robots!
-Lemon Demon, "When Robots Attack"
Sounds about right. Most cameramen I know (including myself) are just big hams!
...at least the last time I zapped myself with 1200 watts of RF the was a definite smell of bacon coming from my finger...
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
...that the reporter might be best servered with fava beans and a nice chianti, followed it's suggestion with a quick slirping-hiss sound.
Demented But Determined.
Also humans are too fat like bacon.
/ 110106dnbusskulls.2e2231f.html
"Villemarette said eating chips, in a roundabout way, presents a problem when a human skeleton is being processed. The [dermestid] beetles don't like to eat human tissue, he said, because of the volume of grease in human bones and meat."
Source: a Boston Globe article that was widely distributed in October.
http://www.wfaa.com/sharedcontent/dws/bus/stories
Off topic, I wish this would slot under "The Robot Got it Right"
Thanks,
Jim Burke
Hey... at least we don't taste like spam.
So if Japanese people taste like bacon, what do Canadians taste like?
http://outcampaign.org/
Human, the other, other white meat....
Layne
"All Your Flesh Are Belong to Us"
I mean this is pretty accurate... modern human flesh ARE bacon. It's not like it think human taste like banana or skunk.
Does that mean we can fend off Cthulhu with bacon?
Are we not ham?
Heh.
DrE
Eric Aitala
www.f1m.com
All your base are belong to... ...hmmmmm crackling!
Is to convert all robots to Judaism.
Then we'll be fine until we hit the Y5K crisis.
...back in high school. I wasn't actually on it, but I had several friends who were. I used to write bills for them.
One in particular mandated that all executions were to be done via electric chair. Since that had the effect of cooking people, we tried to tie it to a feed the homeless person bill.
At one point in the debate, my bill's sponsor said, "And whereas human flesh tastes like pork..." and was promptly interrupted by another of my friends saying, "Point of order, tastes like chicken" (because that was the joke going around then, that everything tasted like chicken).
That started the whole congress off on an argument.
They later passed a resolution that I wasn't allowed to author any more bills.
Good times.
So what would a police officer taste like considering that your average "joe" and "jane" taste like Bacon to the Robot?
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board -- Mark Twain Look for http://Thebar.steelbeachca
For the vegetarian cannibal.
Was this joke in poor taste? ;)
I always knew I was hot. Now I know I am hot AND delicious!
I judt got a nre Kinesis keybiartf so please excusr ant egregiou typos.
The obvious question is whether the people in question had just touched a pork product....
Check out my sci-fi/humor trilogy at PatriotsBooks.
This is /., you don't have a wife!
http://www.TheGamerNation.com/Forums
enough said
Anyone here read Farnham's Freehold?
In walking, just walk. In sitting, just sit. Above all, don't wobble.
-- Yun-Men
I just wondering how a robot managed to figure out that bacon tastes like humen flesh. Did they kill someone and feed it to the robot?
Although battling them will always be dangerous, take care to avoid engagements during breakfast hours.
For all intensive purposes, "whom" is no longer a word. That begs the question, "who cares"?
I mean, uhh, that's what my, uhm, cat has been saying all these years. Yeah, cat...
// file: mice.h
#include "frickin_lasers.h"
Am I the only one who thought that the robot probably tasted whatever crossed the journalist's hands before putting them inside the robots mouth? It's not like the robot chomped off a finger and said "Hmmm, can I have eggs with that?".
- Carnun, Son of Danu -
"Existentialism lead to nihilism. Nihilism lead to dancing"
My BMI is 31% fat. Would this mean that I taste like sausge or do I fall in between it and bacon?
There's a reason cannibalism is called eating "Long Pig"....
"There are laws that enslave men, and laws that set them free. " - Sean Connery as King Arthur
Score one for the humans. Fijians had the longest history of documented cannibalism of any society on earth. (They're completely over it now. Incredibly friendly people. Honest.) And the Fijian name for humans who were on the menu was "long pig."
Why are they feeding robots humans? Have things gotten that bad already? We didn't even have time to welcome our new overlords!
Journalists ARE pigs.
And they write cheap spam.
What's your point?
Richard Steven Hack - This sig is TOO GODDAMN SHORT TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL WITH! MORONS!
Humans are quite similar in anatomy to pigs, so much so that it has been proposed that pigs be used to grow fake organs for humans. The fact that the robot monster would identify two pork products is logical considering that it has not actually been trained to taste humans.
"The idea is that wineries can tell if a wine is authentic without even opening the bottle."
How does that work? If it has to be given a sample, then they would have to open the bottle...
/* No Comment */
As far as I can tell, this is the best evaluation of the various evaluations of human flesh, and it turns out it's like veal. Not pork.
demi
Being a savory pork flavor and all, I figured calling tasty human steaks "The Other Other White Meat" would be the perfect catch phrase to start the Marketing kickoff for the North American Human Meat Producers Alliance with. But, then I realized that Africans, Asians and Native Americans would get upset because it's so "white-centric".
See how polarized we've become on the race card?
So I guess we'll just have to play into it.
Humans: The Black, White, Red and Yellow Meat, Taste the Rainbow Next to Your Potatoes
There, I hope you're all happy.
Anyone care to speculate on the Old Testament prohibition?
If your're eating human chops I'd recomend a Grande Estude Grenache Merlot 2002, its fruity complements well the flavor. If you're having a human ass roast beef, I'd prefer a Sauvignon Blanc 2001, the appleness quality goes well with the pork taste of human meat.
Obviously, if we taste like pork, he should have used a white instead of Chianti.
Humin' Strips®. Robots don't know it's not bacon!
Is it okay to cry "Movie!" in a crowded firehouse? --Steve Martin
SAUSAGE
I spend most of my time in bed, darling.
God Be Gone
In some sections of Hawaii, white people are called "Long Pig"... this is for a reason...
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips
Maybe the Jews had it right all along? Eating pork is bad!
Genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad.
Cooked or raw?
This sig will self destruct in 5 seconds.
Without RFA: Probably a graduate student doing research in their lab... :)
Occam wagers that the reporters probably just got finished with lunch and didn't wash their hands afterwards. It's probably a good thing that one of the reporters didn't cup a fart in their hand for the robot.
I was always hungry after the anatomy and dissection labs..
used to go to Uni. Chinese at Broadway for Sweet & Sour Pork or Pork Spare Rib on Rice.
This wonderful discovery finally explains why:
a). I always craved those particular dishes after the cutting labs.
b). it was only those particular dishes that would make some of the "gentler-folk" in the class look a bit ill... (hey, everyone gets hungry in dissection labs... *everyone*) about 1/4 of the class turned vegetarian for a bit that year.
Robotic cullinary revelations asside.. I'm sure that pork would be a leaner meat than ppl-flesh.
Bots don't know it's not bacon.
...welcome our human-salting overlords.
Table-ized A.I.
...they taste like clickin'
Table-ized A.I.
You have offended ALL my super senses. By god, I can TASTE the air around you. It's like bacon gone bad. Credit where credit is due
Unlike porn, which yada yada rimshot hey-ooh!
This IS bad. I think the Italians have some rules about what can legally be referred to as "prosciutto".
The revolution will NOT be televised.
Any word on what it thought what other parts of itself was(w/o any added intelligence that it is probing itself)?
Twitter supports and protects racists - by smearing their critics with the "Hate Speech" label.
"I'm delicious!" -Dib
The robots are only here "To Serve Man".
[Insert pithy quote here]
Thats why I'd prefer to stick with being an animal rather than a vegetable.... :)
DEAD DEAD DEAD DELETE ME
Where the hell did theese people get human flesh ?
Wanna fight ? Bend over, stick your head up your ass, and fight for air.
I think the person who put his hand to the robot probably ate bacon previously.
That's why you don't confuse 'How to Cook for Forty Humans' with 'How to Cook Forty Humans' as a reference text for AIs, overloads, robots, or NES Gyromite ROB units...
...world hunger AND population growth!
What are you doing now, you lazy drunken obscene unsayable son of an unnameable gipsy obscenity?
robots don't know it's not bacon.
Yum.
RS
Shoes for Industry. Shoes for the Dead.
..if it were from a certian part of the female anatomy, i'd have be identified as fish
*snicker**snicker*
I love TV. Infact, the only reason I goto work is because daytime TV sux..
Then we could solve our population problem: Cannibalism!
Perl, n. A language spoken by Eskimos.
Wineries that are still using real corks might be able to tell if a wine has been tainted with trichloroanisole (cork taint) before shipping the wine. About 5% to 10% of wines with corks get cork taint, and wineries would rather that bad bottles not make it into the hands of the consumer.
Also, though wineries might not need to authenticate their own bottles, the counterfeit alcohol market is very large. Something to the tune of $400,000,000 per year. Being able to determine the authenticity of a bottle of Petrus, Opus One, or Canadian icewine without opening the bottle would come in very handy for any wine reseller.
Life is like a web application. Sometime you need cookies just to get by.
That's not particularly surprising. Pigs and humans have similar dietary tendencies (omnivorous, like the robot), and most likely, fairly similar proteins. We're not that distantly related. The concern is that living humans aren't cooked, and so shouldn't smell quite the same as bacon. Interesting.
Though I could see someone tying in an Animal Farm reference, if they wanted.
Because like us, Pigs are omnivores. As they say, you are what you eat.
It's on wikipedia... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hufu
IANAL... But I play one on
"despite scientific evidence."
Do tell.
I went to see a human body exhibition (real dead humans plasticized ) some peices could easily be mistaken for pork chops
Your'e all thinking it, I just said it for you
The attack of the bacon robots is near!
USE HOT GRITS WITH STATUE OF NATALIE PORTMAN (NAKED AND PETRIFIED)
> Only build Jewish robots.
;-D
Like Optimus Prime!
That too many humans are too close to pigs.
1) Will eat anything
2) Will eat anything
3) Will eat anything
D
http://davesboat.blogspot.com/
...That robots keep kosher.
mmmmmmmm bacon
Penny Arcade knew it all along !
Someone is wrong on the Internet!
All my victims tasted like pork. And when left to be dry-cured in my cellar, the most exquisite bacon.
So what is new?
Which Bacon are we talking about here? I bet it's Kevin, cause it's probably not Michael or Sir Francis. Assuming it's Kevin, should he be served at 6 degrees?
The view was horrible and the smell was even worse; Julie severely regretted becoming a proctologist.
...the flesh sample came from a cop???
Not necissarily. Maybe they were eating sausages by hand?
Waiter! I'll have a human, lettuce, and tomato sandwich! On toast. And a glass of 30-weight Pennzoil, no ice. And snap it up, the service here is terrible! Move those gears, you slackerbot !
RE:#16789835
Sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know, because I'd never eat the filthy motherfucker.
Uncopyrightable: The longest word you can write without repeating a letter.
Coming to a supermarket near you Locally grown and imported from 3rd world nations, its the newest taste sensation I Can't Believe Its Not Bacon
To avoid criticism; Say nothing, Do nothing, Be nothing.
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the very funny SF short story "They're Made Out of Meat" by Terry Bisson. Only 4 pages, and utterly hilarious. You can find it in his collection "Bears Discover Fire."
Soylent ( any of the varites ) didnt taste like bacon, Its far too (over)processed. It tastes more like white bread, or plain crackers. Perhaps a bit like plain tofu even.
---- Booth was a patriot ----
I can't believe it's not bacon!
. . . they only want "To Serve Man."
Yea but a human is a dirty animal!
When the posters fear their moderators, there is tyranny; when the moderators fears the posters, there is liberty.
Anybody know anty good Robot Insurance companies? My rates just shot through the roof! http://www.robotcombat.com/video_oldglory_hi.html/
OMG, people have the weirdest fetishes....
This is the sig that says NI (again)
to compare against bacon? Has someone disappeared lately? Hello? Hello?
I just hope robots don't try to learn ruby throught Why Poignant's Guide to Ruby
ilex paraguariensis for all
if this is true, why don't sharks like to eat us?
This is a most cynical discussion. Will someone pleas think of the children! Oh wait, I know what you'll say next: mmmhhh, children. I like children...
Quick, get that thing to a mohel!
"Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past." -- George Orwell
Bacon is not so bad, at least it does not think we taste like Chicken. That would be to human.
cd pub
more beer
How about "In the future, there will be robots"?
Just make sure the advanced robot's nanobot repair team knows not to "fix" the robots circumcision!
I only look human.
My mother is a halfling and my dad is an ogre, so that makes me an Ogreling
it's a cookbook. it's a cookbook.
Open Source and Computer-aided Design (http://ossandcad.blogspot.com)
This is most distressing.
I would have been much more concerned if the robot immediately reported Tasty Human Meat.
Hey that's a just PaPeRo r100 with an added arm, the spectrometer and a little hat!
e r_e.html
Proof
Link: http://www.incx.nec.co.jp/robot/english/robotcent
will now only have one page:
Human, Lettuce, Tomato. And maybe a shchmeer of Mayo...
"If god did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him" --Voltaire
That means we're toast!
Guess the term "the other white meat" will have to go.
Have you read my journal today?
More Bacon!!!
"A few great minds are enough to endow humanity with monstrous power, but a few great hearts are not enough to make us w
Bacon? Prosciutto? Fatty mammals taste like othe fatty mammals! Film at eleven!
I mean, there are reasons why we use pig organs in transplants.
humans tasted just like chicken. (I haven't summoned the courage to ask my wife what she thinks I taste like.)
You know, you *could* always just see what *she* tastes like yourself... not that that really has any reflection on what you taste like.
-Forrest Cameranesi, Geek of all Trades
"I am Sam. Sam I am. I do not like trolls, flames, or spam."
When Kevin Bacon put his hand in the robot, it said "chicken".
"I have as much authority as the pope, I just
don't have as many people who believe it" - George Carlin
(It would've been embarrassing for the reporter to have just come out of the john and have the robot say "shit".)
"I have as much authority as the pope, I just
don't have as many people who believe it" - George Carlin
The reporter is actually Manbearpig.
Dammit, /.! I was eating lunch!
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
Seanbaby was right!
This is why the Bible says to not eat pork (besides the rampant parasites in them at the time)?
American Scientists would have just made a spectrometer with data capture in a laptop. The Japanese have to go and put it in a frikkin robot!! Any good invention needs to be in a robot! Next, coffee making ROBOT! MP3 playing ROBOT! Sock washing ROBOT!! Imagine the future!