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Evidence of Historical Zombie Attack at Hierakonpolis
sertsa writes "A tongue-in-cheek article just published by the Archaeological Institute of America hypothesizes that the formation of ancient Egypt is linked to recurrent Predynastic zombie attacks due to outbreaks of Solanum virus. 'From the very beginning of Predynastic research, Sir W.M. Flinders Petrie reported several headless, but seemingly intact, burials during his famous excavations at Naqada in 1895. Further excavations at Gerzeh and other sites revealed more of these curious burials, but no satisfactory explanation could be proposed at the time. More recently, excavations in the non-elite cemetery at Hierakonpolis (HK43), undertaken from 1996 to 2004, have uncovered more of these strange headless burials in addition to 21 individuals whose cervical vertebrae bear cut marks indicative of complete decapitation. The individuals include men and women ranging in age from 16 to 65. The number and the standard position of the cut marks (usually on the second-fourth cervical vertebrae; always from the front) indicate an effort far greater than that needed simply to cause the death of a normal (uninfected) person. The standard position also indicates these are not injuries sustained during normal warfare.'"
The problem is that the scientist incorrectly classified these as zombie attacks.
Everyone with an ounce of scientific training can tell that these were actually attacks by ninja pirates, and that the vampire zombies were defending the inhabitants.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
I only wish it were real. I'm preparing for the zombie outbreak, anyhow. It is going to happen some day.
It reminds me of a classic The Onion story about evidence of a race of a skeletons found all over the world. I'm sure creationist would see evidence of a race of skeletons being proof that evolution was false since there is no way a race of skeletons could evolve.
Stop taking part in intrigue campaings for the next VideoGame/Movie/Book/TVSeries
Also, no inside jokes from scientists. After Gary Larson, none of that is allowed anymore.
Mod me as you like!
*** Suerte a todos y Feliz dia!
I don't know why everyone hates on zombies. I mean, zombies were people too.
The theory of relativity doesn't work right in Arkansas.
Sounds like its right out of Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628
Shop smart, Shop S-Mart.
Stupid Flinders...
We all know that zombies tend to gravitate towards malls, or high school proms and such. If they found headless remains outside a prehistoric shopping mall, then I'd be convinced.
http://blindscribblings.com - Tasty pop-culture in conceptual fashion.
this is a underground campaign for World War Z the Movie?
"Slashdot, where telling the truth is overrated but lying is insightful."
This lends new meaning to the phrase "walk like an Egyptian"
Only to idiots, are orders laws.
-- Henning von Tresckow
Was a mass distribution scrolls that promised a nude painting of Cleopatra, but was merely a tax bill infected with a virus.
soylent green, but people loved it
there has to be a connection
Hey, I bet this could also explain the heavy use of the guillotine during the French revolution.
Uhh, am I just missing something here? Is this article a joke? Why is this posted on Slashdot? Is there some kind of long-running inside joke about this fictional "solanum" virus? Plus the site TFA is hosted on is apparently a publication from The Archaeological Institute of America...?? What the fuck. Sure, zombies are cool and all, but if I wanted to read some fantastical BS about arbitrary urban legends and whatever memes, I'd just read The Onion or browse through peoples' blogs. Woot, let's write about a bunch of fictional shit and post it in a serious tone so as to mess with people, in the middle of an otherwise factual and educational publication!
"Remove the head or destroy the brain!"
Simon Pegg ftw.
Obligatory blog plug: http://www.caseybanner.ca/
Then he would have been modded DOWN.
Slash-tards attack all religions, except Islam. Probably because Islam bites back. Ask Theo Van Gogh. Of course, there's that big yellow stripe that permeates leftists and makes them afraid of offending anyone who fights back. So busting on Christianity is OK. Remember Piss Christ?
Although, now that I think about it, the Quran does call for decapitation of subhumans^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hnon-Muslims and women, which is why we see so many mujahadeen beheading kaffirs on YouTube.
So maybe these bodies are the result of sharia. Maybe they were gays or lesbians. Maybe they dared to have sex outside of marriage. Maybe - horror of horrors - they renounced Islam, leaving decapitation the only viable alternative.
Off topic? Can't you remember back to when Dick shot that lawyer guy in the face, and he later apologized for getting in the way of the bullet? Only a zombie would survive a headshot then apologize. I love Dick as well, he's our #1 defense against the zombie plague.
welcome our new zombie underlings! . . . I feel kinda dirty now.
"There are four boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order." - Ed Howdershelt
Why do people even open there mouths sometimes. Way to get a PhD to study zombies. All acreddidation that they had just went down the drain.
Yes. Is the Colbert Report a joke? Because it is popular. Yes. Yes. And I am aware that only assholes answer questions with questions.
The young earth theory isn't even classic Christianity, having become popular in the US in the 18th century. The church fathers had a variety of theories, and literally counting the years was a 17th century invention. Augustine noted that time as we know it is itself part of this creation, and therefore the 6 days in Genesis 1 could not refer to time in this universe. He speculated that the 6 days were a 6 day "seminar" where the new creation was was presented and explained to the angels.
Rumor has it, they found some of them huddled in front of a Flintstones-style TV. I'd say that about cinches it. Which reminds me. This might be a good time to update the raptor & zombie plan to include raptor zombies. You can never be too careful.
Anybody want my mod points?
If you read into the "Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks, you will see that he points out that Zomified people derive from the spread of the Selanum virus, which is spread only by interchange of bodily fluids, without the possibility of airborne infection. Although Wikipedia classifies this as a fictional virus, multiple ensuing publications and productions regarding the Z-Day apocalypse have mentioned Solanum as the constituent responsible.
While there really hasn't been any hard evidence of such events occurring in the past, there are apparently many stories told by the ancients and now being supposedly researched by 'experts' that conclude multiple outbreaks of Zombiepeople have occurred involving some sort of Zombie type beings, victims of initial exposure to a stimuli or possible through interaction and conversion.
While I don't know if I can believe in such events actually occurring, there are those out there curious enough to seemingly explore it via actual scientific methods. Still no true evidence exist. It is just these speculative tales that seem to propagate stories like this into semi-recognizable media outlets, hence the running theme of the Zombie (joke?).
Regardless, I will always have my food supply in excess, an underground military bunker, shingle/Teflon coated armor , and a chainsaw-spike covered school bus on deck in case this ever occurs. God..er..science..er...human meddling...er..divine intervention...er....fast-food forbid.
'We are trying to prove ourselves wrong as quickly as possible, because only in that way can we find progress.' RPF
Well, just to get this somewhat straight. Solanum is a 'large' organism of a plant/vine/small tree, so we are basically talking about your run of the mill tomatoes and potatoes here (yes, I already hear those zombie biologists heaving stones towards me). So, the next question is what the solanum virus would be ... fiction, just have a look at 'The Zombie Survival Guide' by Max Brooks. I think I'll just have to get me some strong liquor and reread that story again ... kind of, hilarious.
"Nae Kin! Nae Quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna be fooled again!"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29976
I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm sure as hell ready for a zombie attack! I've got gunz, knifes, tanks, and lots of persons of a certain race for "Operation Human Shield." Lots of my friends as well are prepared. We even have a meeting place; The closest Bimart! :)
"I'm pretty sure this is a fake made up thing. Wikipedia says it's made up pretty much." - Fixed that for you.
"There are four boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order." - Ed Howdershelt
Grif:Let me ask you this Doc, Whats your zombie plan.
Doc: My What?
Grif:There are 2 kinds of people in the world those who have a plan prepared for when the zombies take over the earth, and those who dont. We call those last people dinner.
Doc:Nobody does that
Grif: In my plan I'm going to Alaska zombies have no body heat, they'll freeze like coprsicles. Its Brilliant.
My plan is to not notice anything that is wrong. I would try to save my family with a cricket bat then I would goto the Winchester bar and shot the zombies that try to hide quietly until I accidentally turn on the jutebox. Then I would wait for the calvary to charge in and shoot up the place.
You must be new here.
Time to pre-order Resident Evil Egyptian Chronicles !
He's talking about his own dick. This makes perfect sense on /., since most of us will never get anyone else to love us.
Yeah, apparently I'm not the only one continuously thinking "what the f?" while reading this article, despite peoples' insistence that I just have no sense of humour. Sorry, it's just not funny when it's completely portrayed as some fucking factual scientific article, and is getting reposted in the Science section of other websites as though it's some worthwhile read. :P
"Just because I think everyone is trying to kill me, doesn't me they aren't." I am, in fact, an asshole. Just the same, I know "the first step in comprehension is interaction".
The first quote is from someone.
The second is from me. I said it out loud and then I typed it. So I can put that in quotes right?
If you enjoy understated, dry humor, go read the article. It's wonderful.
"While it is an attractive idea, no serious archaeologist would hang their fedora on it without further evidence." Sure; every serious archaeologist wears an Indiana Jones hat, goes without saying.
"Overall, those with cut marks represent less than 4% of the cemetery's population. Thus, one might suggest that the threat of zombification was relatively low, and those manifesting the disease were dealt with swiftly (though in some cemeteries evidence for cannibalism has also been found suggesting that one or two got a good meal first)." It goes on to suggest that the need for swift anti-zombie action may have led to the early invention of government by kings.
If zombies re-emerge as a threat in modern times: "Almost certainly the first sign of infection will come from the Hierakonpolis team. [...] The unfortunate side effect of the infection starting within this specialized group of researchers is that they are generally the least squeamish about decapitation duty. I know for a fact that Sean Dougherty, a physical anthropologist with extensive experience at the site, wouldn't hesitate to lop off the head of any member of the team at any time, and for any reason."
Go read it!
http://www.archaeology.org/online/features/hierakonpolis/zombies.html
steveha
lf(1): it's like ls(1) but sorts filenames by extension, tersely
The synopsis of TFA does say at the very top: "A tongue-in-cheek article just published by the Archaeological Institute of America". Some people just read the headline and then post "Why would they write this?!" I mean, I can understand not reading TFA, but at least read TF article synopsis!
Agreed that grandparent post was a masterful expression of intelligent thought, but you have to understand that the world at large may not be ready for such tremendous revelations.
Let's talk about a farcical article written about zombies, instead. That ought to satisfy the status quo.
In this case probably not mass decapitations by mujahideen, since the decapitations likely happened before Islam was invented. (Around 600 and something AD)
The references to the Zombie Survival Guide weren't enough?
OK, then look at the choice quotes of a poster just below:
http://science.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=354929&cid=21289339
Cough
Help Me! I'm trapped in the tubes! Oh noes! Here comes a internet!
Finally, valid scientific evidence surfaces! The plague is spreading. Hurry over to IfYouWereAZombie.com to tell your loved ones how you feel before they become a walking corpse. Because once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care...
I would like to offer the proposition that scientific humor is targeted for a limited audience and that the form of the publication often parodies that of field-appropriate journals. This later point often makes the joke difficult to translate. It's like having a punchline in a monologue where the timing is badly off. Other elements often depend on an understanding of subtle word play or field specific terminology. This is not to say that scientific humor cannot be understood by non-scientists, but merely that non-scientists are much less likely to find it funny.
One of my personal favorites was published nearly eight years ago. This was a study on diyttrium potassium which was published in Science. I don't have a link to the original (and more humorous -- at least to me -- article), but maybe this one will do.
Should the proposition above not resonate, let me offer this second theory. Scientists generally spend too many hours in the lab, in the field, or at the computer. This has resulted in an atrophied sense of humor such that anything beyond this level of funniness could prove fatal. Believe what you will.
Given one hour to live, the student replied: "I'd spend it with professor FP who can make an hour seem like a lifetime."
Solanum's a fictional viruses, in a real book.
The Zombie Survival Guide
Brains!
Brrraaaiiiinnnsssss!
"So I saw the fictitious Solanum virus in the missing brain of a headless mummy." Said the blind man to his deaf daughter standing in the corner of the round hut.
Excuse me, but please get off my Pennisetum Clandestinum, eh!
Cheeky sods.
Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.
That has to be the hardest I've ever seen someone work to fit an anti-religion message into a post.
Don't worry. Since civil society has put an end to churches burning people at the stake, there is no need to be surreptitious about anti-religious messages.
Religion is irrational, it's immoral, and it's the single largest cause of human suffering.
Clear enough for ya'?
for slashdot, great story guys
Who are you, The Sphinx?
Can you be Even More Awesome?!
Hey, this brings up a thought.. Why is it specifically brains zombies want, anyway? Was that never explained or was I just left out of the loop?
:-P)
(posting anonymously because somewhere out there there's a mod who wants to punish be for being ignorant and uninteresting
I can't remember the exact name of the condition, but there is one that causes an extreme reaction to sun, as well as other symptoms such as receding gums (making teeth appear longer etc). Those who "die" are actually sometimes just torporous, and have recover to some extent for awhile. This explains many vampire myths. I've head supposition that the lack of certain key blood cells also may have led those suffering from this syndrome may also find a taste for blood to replace their own lack, but this may be just hearsay.
There are also people who suffer from extreme hair-growth, leading them to appear animalistic and wolflike. These may be the source of werewolf legends. I thought this was clinical Lycanthropy, but that appears to be more of a delusion of being able to shape-shift, so again I'm not sure of the actual name of this condition.
Given the above and many others, it could be possible that zombies were early day sufferers of some disease. Perhaps some form of leprosy... as it would attack the nerves early on, deadening the victims to pain, while the putrification of flesh would make them appear to be the walking dead?
http://www.cracked.com/article_15643_5-scientific-reasons-zombie-apocalypse-could-actually-happen.html/
Actually, there are girls on Slashdot. Most of them pretend to be guys.
Please, for the good of Humanity, vote Obama.
No, there was a documentary made about it not too long ago. 'Resident Evil' or something like that. Watch it, you'll learn a lot.
This makes Slashdot anti-IRC. If Slashdot and IRC ever collide they will annihilate emitting enough raw productivity to cause the Internet to collapse.
I am TheRaven on Soylent News
They were immortals! Everyone knows they can only be killed by decapitation.
I wonder... did said PowerPoint presentation have the obligatory last slide proclaiming "WALLA!" ?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
I mean, back up a little and think about how severe and outlandish is the effort people have put into rationalizing this silly 6000 year old mythology. It's really silly. The values are good, but the stories really strain credibility, you know? We keep trying to make it all fit into our modern perception of the world...we keep trying harder and harder to reconcile two very different sets of concerns and understandings. Just let it go.
it was global warming.
Great Old Ones, obviously.
Its the name of the virus in World War Z. It's a reference to max brook's zombie books.
"Religion is the source of all evil!"
"But what about all the atheists who murdered tens of millions of people?"
"Clearly they were religious, because they were evil!"
If you look at the biggest mass murderers in history- Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Pol Pot- only Hitler claimed to be religious. Mankind's real problem is that we're a race of assholes, and we like to claim that we're being a asshole for some greater purpose. No one says "I'm killing these defenseless people because it's convenient and profitable" they say "God told me to kill them all" or "I'm killing them all for the greater good" or "They aren't real people anyway, this book I have says so". What did you think Stalin was going to say?
I'm now going to give you this equally unsound counter-argument, also done through mangling definitions to suit my needs:
True religious people are never evil.
Therefore, all evil is done by people who aren't truly religious.
You are reading a copy of my copyrighted post.
I congratulate you on referencing two of my favorite shows. You, sir, earn a gold-geek-star.
Skiffy is Spiffy, but Ort is tort.
Comb your mullet.
Hahaha I love how the moderation for this post has gone up and down so drastically. It started out at my usual 2 points, went up to +5 insightful for a short time, down to +1 insightful with a bunch of "flamebait" and "overrated", went back up to +4 insightful this morning, and now just got a bunch of "overrated", so it's back down to +1 insightful. I'm anxious to see what happens next! :D
This is just not as interesting as it should have been!
Beautiful women killing monsters, it just doesn't get any better.
I killed da wabbit -Elmer Fudd
Mushroom mushroom!