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Stealth Sharks to Patrol the High Seas
dylanduck writes ""Imagine getting inside the mind of a shark: swimming silently through the ocean, sensing faint electrical fields, homing in on the trace of a scent." That's what the Pentagon wants to do, says New Scientist. By remotely guiding the sharks' movements using a newly designed neural implant, the military hope to transform the animals into stealth spies."
meep
All the sharks need now is lasers, and we'll be all set!
Want to find other gamers to play board and role playing game
Bring on the laser beams!
-------
1. Enjoy your job
2. Make lots of money
3. Work within the law
Choose any two.
Let's nip this one in the bud...
Ah, man: never encumbered by second thoughts about exploiting animals for warfare. Sometimes, I really think "homo arrogans" would be more appropriate (and often quite literally, actually) than "homo sapiens".
quidquid latine dictum sit altum videtur.
"That team is among a number of groups around the world that have gained ethical approval to develop implants that can monitor and influence the behaviour of animals, from sharks and tuna to rats and monkeys."
Lovely. And in another 10 years they'll tell you that you can't travel abroad without one of those implants.
Who shells out these "ethical approvals" anyways?
"from the friggin-laser-beams-not-included dept."
No fair, the editor got in the stealth shark with friggin laser beams on head first post!
In Post Austin Powers Slashdot, Lasers frig up Stealth Sharks.
Saskboy's blog is good. 9 out of 10 dentists agree.
I can't add one of these new tags, but someone really needs to tag this article "jokebait"
with laser beams are in short supply these days? Seriously? I mean.. mind controlled sharks rampaging through the waters to.. ah.. warn of potential dangers seems a bit far fetched and scary all at the same time.
You're reading Slashdot. Of course you like Linux and pc hardware
"Newly designed neural implant"
Human model to follow soon?
Will they be effective against Yuri's boomer subs?
If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.
from now on I'm going to have to worry if my new puppy is secretly reporting back to the NSA. No wonder the little bastard is so inquisitive ...
Didn't that project failed when their top shark, Dick Cheney, missed the correct target and bagged a lawyer instead?
At the bottom of the page, there is a discussion of controlling the motion of farmed fish, which would allow them to be kept outside of cages. When it was time to harvest them, they'd assemble for harvesting. Otherwise they'd be free to swim around and spread their toxic fish waste, which would be better for the environment.
http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_law/when_to_
Not a smart move. Shark populations certainly don't need another reason for people to slaughter sharks. They should implant Bush administration officials instead .. we have too many of them, and their teeny tiny brains should be easier to figure out than a shark...
It might be interesting to teach the sharks some tricks, like jumping through rings and doing neat flips and stuff. Man, I just love it when the dolphins do that at the zoo. Real heartwarming stuff. Might help the shark image, I'd bet.
But it would be really interesting if the sharks could learn to communicate with us using the technology. Not sure how it would work, but it would be great if the sharks were more than just droids.
Raise your children as if you were teaching them to raise your grandchildren, because you are.
What will happen to these sharks if they can't eat? They have to have an off-button so that the shark can go back into normal shark mode.
Someone will jam the signals used to control the sharks and then you'll have an immobile shark.
This reminds me of that terrible movie "The Final Cut".
... on television. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0149261/ - Deep Blue Sea with Samuel L. Jackson.
Better hope Mr Shark is trained to return when deployed or he may end up being hauled out of the ocean by a drift netter or balloon caster :p
"Get off the cross - we need the wood" - Tori Amos
I wonder how the gun-toting dolphins will react to this....
Blog via SMS text messaging
Step 1: Lobotomize sharks. ...
Step 2:
Step 3: PROFIT!
Great first it was killer dolphins which were released when Katrina hit... next hurricane we will have to contend with killer sharks...
I really wish the US DoD would stop fucking up the world.
Excuses Are Like Assholes - Everybody's Got One
I am sure these are going to be great stealth spies, thanks to the sonar used to control them. HELLO SPY SHARK, PLEASE ENTER THE PORT AHEAD!
Stem Cells, no, that'd be immoral.
Mind control steal sharks? Sure.
It's all priorities.
I hope this new project is run with much stricter controls.
sheep.horse - does not contain information on sheep or horses.
I think that shark are way cool though, they just need lasers on their heads, and you can't beat that...
I liked it better the first time, when it was called The Day of the Dolphin", but I guess they'll call it the Day of the Shark. Still waiting for a sequel.
Hollywood Stock Exchange IPO Needed:
:))
Deep Blue Sea 2
(it is freaking SCARY that I was talking about that movie mere seconds before this popped up on RSS
"The Navy wired Jones up with all kinds of shit" -Ice T (and Bill Gibson)
Its a shark with a ice pick sticking out of its head.Evolution at its worst.
...the soldier that never runs from battle. "Engineers funded by the US military have created a neural implant designed to enable a shark's brain signals to be manipulated remotely, controlling the animal's movements"
Seriously, this is some freaky technology. Oh, and I can't wait to see the reaction from PETA.
...since war is a last effort thing, any action is justified. In reality, though...
"Umm, why does that shark have frickin laser beams on it's head?"
"For scale, you idiot!"
Can't have our RPS(wflb)'s* eyes too big for their stomachs, now can we?
* Remotely Piloted Shark (with frickin laser beams)
"attached to their heads" jokes is 20.
Its really gonna piss them off when the poor bastards get netted, fins removed and thrown back in. http://www.thailandlife.com/sharkfinsoup.html
/. bug #926803 - Why I can post.
The Navy has been training dolphins for years. Remote controlled sharks?? Seriously, can we get some freaking lasers installed on their heads?
Any fool can criticise, condemn, and complain, and most fools do. - Benjamin Franklin
But do they have freakin' lasers on mounted on their heads?
Perhaps we will get to see the ultimate showdown: Military Sharks vs. Armed Dolphins.
What sea-life won't the pentagon arm?!
Man, PETA's gonna have a field day with this one. However, it shows just how cool science can be. To actually be able to manipulate the mind of a shark for military purpose... instead of just to see what it does- it's kinda scary, however, it's also kinda useful. New movie idea... the world of the future... where man does not fight, but uses it's mind-controlled shark bombers (with or without laser beams) to nuke the new commies... whomever the new commies would be (prob the French) What fun.
The real question is, will these shark-mind control devices run Linux?
I don't get why posts are limited to 120 characters. Seems unreasonable to me. I mean, just because I like having a real
A Beowulf School of sharks?...
As an American, I don't want lower taxes, better public transportation, or *gasp* national health care. No, I want to connect to sharks with VNC. What a fucking country.
maybe we should start by trying to create human stealth spies, eh, miss plame?
go get it
Seriously.. "hollywood is able to guide pirates to the straight and narrow thanks to a neural implant in customer's brains"
This news just brings ghost in the shell to mind, where neural implants are expensive but normal, and it's not unusual for someone to HACK YOUR BRAIN!
To venture completely off topic and muse on the concept of neural implants---I don't care if jobs and linus breed the ultimate team of programmers in a eugenics program, I won't trust a chip in my head.
VLC FOR MAC IS DYING! IF YOU DEVELOP, PLEASE SAVE IT!!
Now if only Osama would get out of landlocked Afghanistan and frolic in an oceam somewhere
Ok, so if I get an aquarium full of these "stealth sharks", will I be able to watch them swim? Or will the fish I put in there just dissapear??
my gut feeling is telling me that Pentagon is more likely to succeed at making zombie sharks than NASA at launching three more shuttles this year.
I suppose if the shark has a friggin laser turret on its head and it gets hungry, we'll have to update the meaning of "fish fry"...
And, if the shark gets to THRASHIN' round and round while the beam's active, we could update the meaning of "fish n' chips"...
Now, if the FRENCH get in on this stupefying, hare-brained military idea, and THEIR shark tags your ass, you'd be "French Fried"...
But, the lameos in congress (the opposite of PROgress) will get an executive order signed to rename US laser kills as "Freedom Fries".
Well, when the sharks end up fighting each other cuz their FRIGGIN lazer beams keep fryin' up all the fish, then the sharks can REALLY get into Freedom Fries... fryin' each other.
AND, if these big fish do their thing in Catskills or Fishkill, it'll get even MORE interesting...
OK, I'm fried...
Hehehe... image word: dreaded
Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
They'd give us advance notice of impending Earth destruction, while the sharks would simply keep chewing on tourists and sucking down chum from the latest Discovery Channel's Shark Week produced extravaganzas.
0- Eamonman Proud member of DNRC
Enemy of US: Who is it?
Stealth Shark: Flowers.
Enemy of US: Flowers? From whom?
Stealth Shark: Plumber.
Enemy of US: I don't need a plumber. You're that stealth shark, aren't you?
Stealth Shark: Candygram.
Enemy of US: Candygram, my foot! Get out of here before I call the proper authorities. You're the stealth shark, and you know it.
Stealth Shark: I'm only a dolphin.
Enemy of US: A dolphin? Well.. okay.. AHHHH AHHHH AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Joke used to be if you were an expert fisherman, you were a master baiter.
Now, when these sharks get equipped with lasers and get really good at laser tag, who'll be the master baiter? The human that trained them, or the shark? Or, the generals strokin up and down the deep corridors of the pentuhgun?
Previously: "Linux... Toward the Sunrise..." Now: "Linux... Toward the-- No, now, part of Every Sunrise"
We've already proven that tinfoil hats won't help the sharks fight the government mind control radio waves. They're totally screwed. Poor sharks.
Although, I wonder if shark bite victims can sue the government? Huh, interesting.
7h3$3 4r3n'7 7h3 Ðr01Ð$ ¥0 4r3 £00|{1n9 f0r. M0v3 4£0n9. --OB1
I find this article rather creepy, only for the fact that it shows what desperate measures people have come to. On the other hand, a scientist playing with a sharks mind is sort of like a man playing with his ferarri isnt it? I'm just waiting for the day science wants to tackle the minds of something more important then fish.
Apparently the mods have insightfully given this thread up to the "laser beam" jokes. After almost 90 comments and 1.5 hours, it looks like only 2 mod points have been expended so far.
God bless the military industrial complex. :-)
That almost beats the radio control planes accessorized with Hellfire missiles.
Now where is that power armor already? We're waiting, Pentagon!
I guess it's just beyond most human beings intellectual capacity to just get a fucking clue. This ranks right up there with the rest of the dumb fucking things our military does with innocent animals. I could go on endlessly about the things humans do to animals, but then, most of you out there would label me as some wacko animal rights terrorist.
It's beyond bad enough the industrial farming institutions have most people brain washed to believe that eating animals and animal products is "good" for you. When I kick the bucket, I sincerely hope I'm not judged by what the rest of the human race does to animals.
"I bow to no man" - Riddick
..or stealth murderers. although i suppose that would mean making sure everyone you wanted to kill was in the ocean. And thats just silly.
Threshold: 1:55
So far, 54 of the 55 existing comments seem to be about Frickin' Laser Beams, or some variation.
Man, doing that to a small helpless animal (cat), in the name of some really screwed up (screaming monkey) patriotic, robotic, cold-war/christianity holier-than-thou mentality makes me really sick...if they really wanted to see the jerks that could end the world with their partiotic mumbo-junbo bible-thumping pradigm, all they had to do, is: LOOK IN THE MIRROR sometime!.
No wonder we have tons of wars and we can look forward to group(a) screaming monkeys launching their spaced-based quantum particle/string field palanatiod disruper against group(b) islamic fundementalist states of the middle east in say, circa 2095 and we can all have a really cool blast of a time!! (remember to bring spf 9 million sun screen)
Maybe we can re-design the human race (tranhumanist future) so that we can engineer out all the aggressive/competitive/religious crap, things would be better and we would have no wars and no 911 etc, by believers agains non-believers. (religions such as islam really get me by essentially saying " belive in allah or die unbelievers".
This eally show me how primitive and intellectualy bankrup/stupid these religions are, can't anybody think for themselves any more? You do have a brain, you should use it from time to time.
Then maybe we could smarten up and not be so "god has given me the keys to the kingdom" and anthing/being who does not worship my certian imaginairy friends is not worthy of existience or entreance to my ideal fantasy world etc. etc.
It seem to me barbaric to let human (American?) warlust spill over to the manipulation of our beautiful natural world. Sticking transponders into the brains of sharks for nefarious ends? Sick.
Zen tips: Pay attention. Don't take it personally. Believe nothing.
Can't wait till they retire them, for the newer anti-grav whale tanks.
Then I can pick the sharks up cheap from army surplus, add on after market laser cannons.
Then ebay them for a tidy profit!
Really, you can tell the Pentagon is getting smarter.
a rk/catch2.htm so DOD could just full up one of these remotecontrol-sharks with a full belly of fat every few years or so.
While there were probably many different sea animals they could have chosen (namely mammals), they selected the most repulsive and potentially horrifying animal with which to perform their research and development. If these were cute cuddly dolphins, the US media would go apesh.t with Flipper Reruns and talk of barbarism, not to mention the eco-outcry. Instead, most of us had the ominous Jaws theme repeating in our brains as we read the article, so most people will be quite apathetic to the plight of sharks.
On second thought though, perhaps the selection of sharks is not such a bad idea after all. Great white sharks for instance, are nearly apex predators, but not quite http://www.cnn.com/EARTH/9710/08/whale.vs.shark/ They are also very efficient http://www.elasmo-research.org/education/white_sh
Better keep these things out of Chinese waters though, would hate for one of these things to get defin'd for soup.
Lasers ?. No, implanted mini-nukes, swim right into a harbour from the other side of the world. Some technologys should just never be invented :-(.
Chaos - everything, everywhere, everywhen
So if I am bit by a government controlled shark, I can sue right?
I guess they'll probably find a way to use the patriot act to defend the shark's actions as necessary to fight the war on terror and that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time...
Do they have any fricken lasers?
...when you transplant Hitler's brain into one of the (giant) sharks!
do they have fucking lasers on their head?!
:)
(Had to be said
DYWYPI?
Oh for crying out loud! Chum the waters, kill the sharks, hazard avoided by the enemy. Stupid government been watching Austin Powers again haven't they.
Won't somebody think of the poor shark's right to privacy?!?!
But seriously, we all know they're gonna use the sharks to spy on hot girls at the beach. And get them to bite fat guys to sell the videos to Fox.
1. Put control chip on shark.
2. Put control chip in monkey.
3. Put computer interface chip on man.
4. Upgrade computer interface chip with control chip.
5. Profit.
Emacs is good operating system, but it has one flaw: Its text editor could be better.
Presumably the same body that granted ethical approval for that fine effort in Guantanamo Bay.
that the sharks will welcome their new remote-controlling human overlords.
More like "Deep Blue Sea".
...now would be a good time to give up surfing.
welcome to missing the joke, brainthrust.
have a nice day
my password really is 'stinkypants'
They want to use lawyers!
arming our shark spies with laser cannons mounted on their heads.
frickin' lasers!
The question is will these sharks run Linu... I mean in Soviet Russia, do sharks get spie... huh no will they be equipped with freaking lasers ?! Damn it becomes harder and harder to keep track of the Slashdot subculture's memes.
There's a Belgian comic book author who has prior art on this: cover picture ! It was a pretty daft idea back then too, though :-) .
Attach the freakin' lasers to their heads.
will they have blue teeth?
Don Knotts is spinning in his (fresh) grave.
The moment another big power learns of such an effort (say China or Russia), sharks would quickly go extinct, as they would start killing sharks indiscriminately around their fleet bases and fleets at sea. It would in effect make sharks a military target that could be attacked at will in times of peace. That would be horribly unethical. Many shark species are already facing extinction.
Another option could also be to use seagulls.
Once they have genetically modified them and have the neural implant stuck into their brains, the DoD can have a good aerial view and even drop chemically aggressive shits from the skies!
Maybe Computers will never be as intelligent as Humans.
For sure they won't ever become so stupid. [VR-1988]
I've just got visions of G. W. bush sitting in his office, demanding fricking sharks with fricking laser beams attached to their heads.
whales would probably be better suited for the tasks.
When a shark gets close to land people panic but when dolphins or whales do they all gather in a crowd and watch.
Sure, I'm being pessimistic, but how long do you think it will be before the first fatal "shark attack" is proved to have been a remote-controlled shark assassin?
... who in WWII trained dogs with explosives to run to tanks and detonate their charges. When they deployed them against german tanks, the dogs immediately made U-turns and headed for the russian tanks quite a distance away, and managed to destroy quite a few of those.
... talk about explode in your face.
The russians had obviously underestimated the dogs intelligence. The were able to distinguish the differances between a russian and a german tank, and had been trained with russian tanks
---
"The chances of a demonic possession spreading are remote -- relax."
I am familiar with this research project and turned down an opportunity to have worked on it. The thing is the pentagon wants to develop these shark brain implants so that they could one day be used in humans. Congress shut down the BMI section of darpa (brain machine Interface). It got renamed to something fluffy like neural interfaces research group. The whole purpose of it is to be able to implant a device in someones brain so that the pentagon can read a signal on what they are thinking. I would rather work for NIH on a brain implant to help restore neural activity for the disabled instead of making tools for war.
check out the best blog ever:
http://oehlberg.com
Circumcision is child abuse.
Ok, initially I see the whole thing with Bin Laden dipping his toe in the Black Sea for his early morning swim and then getting eaten by one of these things - munchity crunchity.
But then....
Other countries are gonna want them and these things aren't like Nuclear submarines - if you blow one out of the water it's not going to spark off an international incident or anything. So it will be a real you ate my shark so I'm going to eat yours. At which point it will probably become an Olympic sport.
Then, as with the nature of all things, it's going to get really cheap to buy your own remote controlled shark.
Forget Robot Wars! I want one of these... Or what about Robot vs Shark Wars, or even Robot Shark Wars, with cyborg Sharks, or nuclear submarines and pirates and hats and sharks and robots and more sharks and that little fish of Finding Nemo...
Overstimulated, overstimulated... Deep breaths......
Genesis 1:32 And God typed
So, if I have this right, the second version of these should either include laser death rays, or some kind of exploding mechanism?
(It is the predator that start out unarmed and now carries missiles, right?)
Scott Swezey
Will they have friggen laser beams attached to their heads?
Let's think about it. If the Pentagon REALLY wanted to do this, would we hear about it before-hand? I doubt it. Look at the SR-71, Stealth Bomber, and Stealh Fighter. We found out about those AFTER they were done and in use. Something tells me this is just a ploy to scare the baddies. Oh, they might actually do it, but is their goal intimidation, or actual stealth snooping.
"The best laid plans of mice and men gang oft agley..." - ROBERT BURNS
OK, what happens when russian or islamic hackers take over the control of these zombied sharks and instruct them to swim to Florida and eat swimmers, especially the smallish, loud ones (whom we call children)?
Similarly, the USA nowadays likes to attach missiles to unmanned drones to hunt terrorist and civilians nearby. What happens whn the enemy hijacks the control and sends the drone back to hit the GIs?
As Isaac Asimov has said, the laser pistol is powerful but its barrel can be turned against any of the dueling parties.
I was going for funny, actually. Sharks doing flips. Sharks not doing flips, but eating the podium instead.
... or at least, up to the wrist." I guess I should have.
I wanted to end it with something like "You'd go through a lot of trainers that way
Raise your children as if you were teaching them to raise your grandchildren, because you are.
Especially in the deep, as oceans are 70% shark free.
I guess, that will mean that the Chinese will hunt sharks not only for their fins anymore.
Take for example this poll, ...of the troops surveyed...85 percent believe a major reason they were sent into war was "to retaliate for Saddam's role in the Sept. 11 attacks." Granted this poll was conducted by Stars and Stripes, one can't take unpatriotic bleeding heart liberal media like this too seriously.
When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.
I can't wait till they make two geneticly altered snakes, on a Boa and one a Python and then set them loose in an generic underground facility, then set a group of Hunters on one, and on the other they have this group of military testing mind controll on the other one...THAT would be a good experiment
Mr. T carries a postage stamp in his wallet at all times on the back is a list of all the fools he doesn't pity
So now opposing militaries will devise chemicals or biologicals to rid the oceans of sharks during wartime. World War III may not just destroy all land life (except ants), it may also destroy all sea life.
Are those Sharks with Laser beams attached to their heads? Scotty, that is the best gift!
Dan. -- So what if it's spelt wrong, nobody's perfect
LASER!
GENERATION 25: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social exper
"Hmm, how much can I charge my client per hour this time..." or "Damn you I.B.M.!!!!" or "That Darl fucker better pay us for this..."
Fighting over religion is like seeing whose imaginary friend is best.
Nice job guys. Way to think ahead.
There is nothing so silly as other peoples traditions, and nothing so sacred as our own.
hmm, this just seems not right, but at least they should install some device that blows the shark finning boat up in case they catch one of these brain controlled sharks ...
Well, this story sure makes quite a number of really awful sci-fi/horror flicks much less retarded in hindsight.
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken - Tyler Durden
Check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acoustic_Kitty
Didn't I see this movie already? It ended badly for the lead scientist and the money guy. To say nothing of a number of innocent people that were in the water at the time.
Has TV gotten so bad that now the government has to do remakes of bad movies instead of leaving that to Hollywood?
...the military doesn't tip its hand and say, "Hey all you Americans, we want to build some secret technology! Let us tell you all about it!"
If they're going to do it, they just do it and then utilitze the technology for 50 or so years. Only when the technology has been surpassed does the old technology start becoming visible in non-secret areas. That's my opinion anyway.
My guess is the military knows everything it needs to from satellites and other methods and doesn't in any way need sharks. The story is just crass propaganda. Perhaps the military wants a badass animal abusing image. The reality is women are in the military and women don't like killing people and their influence is being felt.
Can you imagine a military woman killing people by day and then breastfeeding her infant child at night? I cannot.
And somehow, I see the animal rights activists having a field day over this one...
Give me a productive error over a boring, mundane and unproductive fact any day. ~Anon
Your days of struggling like a wounded or dying fish are over. If you so much as take one more bath in a chum bucket - BAM! You won't evven know what hit you.
Ha!
We've got you now. Bastards.
if george W controlls a shark, it is the rebirth of the dopefish
seriously, samzenpus, this "sensing faint electrical fields, homing in on the trace of a scent" is ridiculous! or do you feel actual pain if you get hit by a bullet in a videogame?
just because you control a sharks brain, using a joystick, you don't automatically receive his feelings...
The MAFIAA is a bunch of mindless jerks who will be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes
instead. They're environmentally safe, as Dr. Evil can attest.
For those of you who may remember....
This is certainly no new idea. I believe we have seen this kind of tactic used once before on a small animated series called "Dino-Riders." Of course, it was the bad guys that resorted to the mind control of the dinosaurs.... hmmmm
recall your inner-child. question everything.
But the practical use of this technology seems to evade me. I'm pretty defense minded, but virtually "sniffing" the water for chemicals and currents, etc seems kind of moot. A lot of chemicals are naturally occuring in nature and could probably be miscontrued as something totally different.
It just seems like a waste of project money. Sharks aren't really even considered intelligent, are they? This could explain why they're using them for such a test; less outside factors. But really, can someone explain what you would look for? "Here is my drug-sniffing... shark..."??
I can hear PETA activists screaming already though...
Xserv
"I love lamp."
Great, now there's only 7.999.999 to go...
Instead of investing untold millions in some fantasy war games, how about the US govt puts some muscle into protecting sharks, which are rapidly declining thanks to scumbag nations like China and Japan who routinely "fin" millions of sharks every year because they're stupid enought to think it's a sign of prosperity or an aphrodesiac. Meanwhile, they're destroying the oceans and are nearing a point where a top predator is going to be eliminated and unleashing who-knows-what on the oceans' ecosystems. Then we'll have to listen to these nations bitch about their declining fish catches and jellyfish swarms....
Sorry, but sensitive topic for me.
mod parent up +6
if someone living in America doesn't understand why that is a very proud honor and a privilege then it needs a lobotomy and a kick in the ass to expel its sorry ass out of here...see what it'll say in a few years when trying to crawl its way back
Tyranny on the go. Double order please. Enough with this "Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed..." The US government has for decades now been telling us that it has the right to govern those who don't give their consent. Why stop with humans?
After 3 wrong passwords you get eaten
I recognized right away that you're not too intelligent.
How?
This
"lower taxes"
and this
"national health care"
Nice troll though
How pathetic are you that you follow me from topic to topic and waste all your mod points at once modding me down?
... is what the US government spends annually on spying: obviously way too much. I mean, do we really need zombie sharks? A real hair-brained idea if I ever heard one. It'll never work. Most likely it's just a way to keep a couple of unimaginative researchers from loosing their jobs. I say leave the poor animals be; with the shark fin industry and everything they have it hard enough as it is these days.
"It's not *just* that people are dumb. They are."
Leave PETA out of this.
"But they also don't *want* to know what they do to animals (or causes others to do to animals on their behalf)."
No, you nitwit, it's that most people realize the benefit of using animals in place of humans. As in "using sharks for this purpose will help SAVE HUMAN LIVES".
Animals lives aren't as important as human lives. Period, end of discussion, save your retort, it doesn't change that.
How pathetic are you that you follow me from topic to topic and waste all your mod points at once modding me down?
Judging from the rate that sharks are being fished to their limit I'd say the most likely thing the DOD will get data on is a fishing net. Once again when April 15 passes it will be with a sense that my government is pissing away my money.
"General, we have reason to believe that Al-Queda is recruiting lobsters!"
It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning
So you watched a video of some people abusing an animal, and you decided that
A) that was representative of the industry as a whole and
b) you'd stop eating meat because of it
Why are people like you so easily manipulated?
Oh wait, I know it's because you watch a video of some people abusing an animal and decide that
A) that was representative of the industry as a whole and
b) you'd stop eating meat because of it
"It was the most disgusting thing I ever saw"
Well, if you were able to watch a video of your life, I imagine the part where you decided to stop using your fucking brain and allow yourself to be manipulated by some assholes with an agenda would disgust you far more.
How pathetic are you that you follow me from topic to topic and waste all your mod points at once modding me down?
Why should we suddenly have qualms about sharks?
In Soviet Washington the swamp drains you.
What happens if one of these sharks goes rogue and attacks some hapless US citizen (e.g., surfer, swimmer, diver)? Wouldn't the US government be on the hook for a massive civil suit?
As I read the teaser and made way to the story, I thought "the fanatics will be all over this one". And naturally, the press pull one tidbit out of a science update and wrap it in a way that will get the greatest response - manipulating YOU. Do you feel manipulated? Niether do the sharks... Billions and billions of plant and animal life are manipulated and KILLED daily to sustain your stinkin' life. As you head to your last dying breath, you and your loved ones will be grasping for technology pioneered by animals - and then SUE the medical and corporate entities that tried to extend your life when the technology doesn't function to your liking. Hyopcrites... every last one of you whiners...
Gillian: You're not from the military are you? Trying to teach whales to retrieve torpedoes or some dipshit stuff like that?
Kirk: No, ma'am. No dipshit.
Gillian: Well, good. If that was one thing I would have dropped you off right here.
Spock: Gracie is pregnant.
At my age I find coming up with a witty signature too exhausting.
So now rouge undersea vessels will simply release large amounts of bloody meat periodically to distract sharks that may be pursuing them? These implants may provide stimulus sufficient to alter the course of a roaming shark but I seriously doubt they will have sufficient influence to deter them from an easy meal.
"There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it's all dark."
...welcome our new stealth shark overlords.
Is this what Bush meant when he was talking about animal human hybrids in the state of the union addess?
I don't remember why exactly the idea was scrapped (other than being totally pointless and stupid). I think I read that there was fear of the bats prematurely detonating or something like that.
In any case, this controlling sharks thing is just as stupid as the bat bombs plan. This seems like a case of someone saying, "Hot damn, that's a cool idea. Let's do it!" rather than, "OK, we need stealth underwater spies... what's the best possibly way we can accomplish this?"
matthewmeyer.net
Mister, do you not recognize any difference at all between training a dog to do what comes naturally to any social animal and planting electrodes directly into a shark to control its mind? Please re-read at least the summary, if not the article, and consider the contrasts here. We're talking about remote controls to "guide" them, altering their natural behavior with electrical impulses. Consider how exactly this is similar in any way to bonding with them (as a handler to a service dog).
Agreed that is disgusting. But think about this logically.
I'm not suggesting that it's not a well-done propaganda piece but think about this logically. And then think about who produced it and what their intention was towards you. Then thing about if you feel used or you're happy to go along with their agenda.
My God, it's Full of Source!
OUTSIDE_IP=$(dig +short my.ip @outsideip.net)
... need tinfoil hats.
But seriously. Shut those hippies up whining about abuse of animals. Would I watch an animal slaughterd for my food? Hell, I'd slaughter it my self (and I have). Sure there are some depraved people out there that do sick things to animals, but it is not the meat industry that causes it, and getting rid of the meat industry will not stop it. They are sick bastards who will do it anyway. In the end animals are property. Beware of anyone who trys to convince you otherwise because they do not value human life above animals.
"It's because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything." -Homer Simpson
So, let's bring animals into our spy missions cause we're not smart enough to build technology stealth enough to do it on our own. Riiight, so then our enemies find out and start blowing up every shark they see. Oh, now sharks have gone the way of the dinosaur.
=*^.^*=
The biggest issue I'd have with this is the fact that if we start using sharks as spies, all sharks will become suspected spies. So, other countries will do what they can to keep sharks away, not knowing which ones are "wired," including killing any they see. Sharks have enough problems with keeping up their natural populations without being summarily shot/netted/etc. by people who suspect them of spying!
You mean the exact same joke that's made every fucking time an article mentions sharks or lasers? At least sometimes people get clever with the "In Soviet Russia..." jokes.
"We believe we are the first to record neural activity from a monkey doing a somersault"
You, Sir, would also be the first to have bothered.
I swear to God...I swear to God! That is NOT how you treat your human!
Looks like someone over there has been reading Larry Niven and Steven Barnes' book: Saturn's Race! Hopefully they got to the end and realized it didn't end well...
I've read the article, and there seems to be no mention of weaponising the creatures. I hope that never happens, it would truly make me ashamed to be a member of the human race.
Does the implant cause pain? Can it be removed after a few 'missions' so it can go back to a natural existence?
The article mentions that the research may lead to breakthroughs in paralysis research which shows there is value there, but remotely controlling an animal for military use...
What's next, dropping elephants from high altitude?
The Pentagon has finaly jumped the shark....
Hi,
I'm a Canadian. Just wanted to prove to you that the Canadian Health care system is very popular here. Nobody in their right mind wants your system. Here's my proof:
Q.
When was the last time a Candian politician ran a platform that included the removal of Health Care?
A.
Never.
We wanted neural implants for use with politicians!
[Now, I'm off to lift my le... Um, visit... at another place.]
in a spate of mysterious attacks around the world, the leaders of Iran, North Korea, Syria and France were eaten by sharks while swimming at the beach.
If my call is important, why am I talking to a recording?
Yup, now we get fish and chips. Lets not stop there. The knowledge gained from
this is supposed to aid in controlling new prosthetic devices. That means humans are
the ultimate target animal for this 'stealth'. Now who is kidding who!? Who is 'stealthing' who? What is the military really up to? Are they really interested in zombies or armies
of zombies that move like schools of fish to attack without mercy or any self preservation, berserkers on a nightmare battlefield. Of course the next question is who is going to 'volunteer' to become one of these zombies? Or are they going to be 'sentenced' to it?
For what? Jaywalking? Being a Democrat? Being black? Being black and democratic in New Orleans?
PETA won't go near this one, mark my words, on account of sharks not being cute.
Any sufficiently well-organized community is indistinguishable from Government.
So Japan controls cockroaches, then women/people, and now we have sharks and a number of groups around the world that have gained ethical approval to develop implants that can monitor and influence the behaviour of animals, from sharks and tuna to rats and monkeys.
It is easy to decry the abuse of the animals in question.
It is equally easy to see the potential benefits to the relatively small number of humans (globally) who have nerve damage.
But why no hue and cry on the potential abuse of this technology on humans?
Guns, germs, and chemicals may kill you. This can enslave you.
"Consensus" in science is _always_ a political construct.
read "Saturn's Race" by Larry Niven and Steve Barnes. (i think it was Barnes)