Do Programming Languages Affect Your Sexual Performance?

bLanark asks: "I've used a variety of programming languanges over the years, but recently started using Java commercially (as opposed to just playing at home). As soon as I was on that Java project, I became a rampant stallion, never left my wife alone, sexually. She even started sleeping in the spare room just to get some rest on some nights! Soon, I was back on C++ (due to a budget cut and re-org). I am no longer a stallion (I won't go into more details!). My theory is that java's so easy, so after conquering an API a day (JDOM, Swing,...) I just came home and carried on conquering. Now, I have to work for a living again, and it doesn't leave much energy. Do other slashdotters have similar experience? Is lisp tantric? Do assembler programmers favour wham-bam-that's-the-end-of-that-non-maskable-inter rupt-where's-the-remote-control-honey-can-you-get- me-a-beer? What's the best programming language for attracting sexual partners? What about Operating Systems? Does MS == S&M?" Does C/C++ dampen your love life? Does Perl please your partner? Can you jive with Java? Inquiring minds want to know.

Comments

I just like testing...

[mrpuffypants]

my input/output operators occasionally ;)

Re:I just like testing...

[wjlroe]

you sick bastard - no wonder you're an anonymous coward

Re:OMG, ANOTHER APRIL 1 JOKE?

[JeffMagnus]

I hate April Fools Day.

PHP . . .

[Selanit]

Well, in some circles PHP stands for "Push Harder, Please!"

Re:PHP . . .

[John Hurliman]

Oh yeah, PHP programmers know what's up.

Re:PHP . . .

[say]

PHP: PHP Heats Pussies is a programming language which actually makes you able to integrate sex into almost any other boring task.

It does, however, make you exceptionally quick and you do also connect very well with a huge number of partners. In other words, be careful with PHP.

Doh! Check the timestamp.

[XorNand]

After the toliet bit, now this... I was starting to wonder wheter it was just a *very* slow news day.

(Check the date.)

Re:Doh! Check the timestamp.

[Traxton1]

But it's not April 1 where I am! (West Coast)

Everyone knows that Perl

[Dancin_Santa]

Perl makes you hung like a camel.

How many more of these idiotic April 1 jokes do we need to wade through?

Would it make sense to simply forego /. today?

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Emperor Cezar]

If that is true then using Linux would make you be hung like a Pengiun, and I know I'm not hung like a Penguin. :p

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[mark_lybarger]

22 more hours worth, according to my clock.

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[dimator]

So what does Python do for you? ;)

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Spy Hunter]

Personally, I think Unix shell programming has perl/python/java/C++ all beat. Just look at the following chain of Unix commands:

unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; umount; sleep

(note: I didn't make this up, so don't blame me! I think early UNIX geeks had extremely dirty subconscious thoughts...)

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Anonymous Coward]

When I went to college, there was a girl named Teresa Watt who had an account on the RS/6000. My buddy Rob had tears in his eyes when he showed me that you can actually "finger twatt".

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[redhatbox]

"Perl makes you hung like a camel."

What's that thunder in the distance? Why, it's millions of pasty, lonely programmers the world over making a mad rush on perl.com . . . ;)

Allow me to introduce Larry Wall, "the new Ron Jeremy".

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[WhiteKnight07]

If your looking for a good April fools joke check this one out.

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[packeteer]

or like a Llama

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Peyna]

I don't think penguins are hung at all, since they're birds.

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[aoeuid]

I think I have a pretty firm grasp of all the C language constructs, but when I see stuff like this it just baffles me. I don't have a clue how the hell that works out. Is that what they teach you in those math classes I should have taken?

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[soupforare]

hmmm... Make you hemipene?

Have you f...errr, *hugged* a dragon today? ;P

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[EvlG]

Perl makes you hung like a camel.

Actually that is quite close to being true in my case. Now, I love my fiance, but she and I both know that Perl is my second love. I will always have this holy fascination for Perl, and it will always hold a special place in my heart (or head).

I have been known to be excited by Perl from time to time....I figure it just goes with the territory of loving something so much.

Fortunately my fiance never minds :)

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Col. Panic]

also:

talk, date, join, head, tail, split

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Mignon]

Where I work, we have a program called "MASK", which takes as a single argument the name of some other program, which it looks up in a database. If it can't find that other program in the database, it prints the following diagnostic: "SEVERE ERROR: CANNOT GET " followed by the program name.

So my little joke is to get other programmers to type "MASK LAID".

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Palarran]

Sophmoric, but a logical extension...

After fingering twatt, she'll tell you what her .plan is for the evening?

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Creepy]

Then there's the ones you really don't want to know about...

I learned Oberon, and I'm now "King of the Faeries..."

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[shaji]

You missed the crucial one, there is "core dumped", between yes and unmount

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[kstumpf]

Yesterday a guy at work asked me how to setup his Linux box for DHCP. I really hated having to tell him to type "man pump".

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[tumbaumba]

And think about SQL. You can allways rollback transaction.

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[MadCamel]

A camel eh? Hmm.

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[DirkGently]

don't forget to 'make clean' after you unmount, though that's not technically part of the Unix shell canon.

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Black Perl]

I rewrote it in perl:

for ($r=-1; $r!=38; $c++){print"\n"," "x(38-$r+++($c=0)) if ($c>$r); print ~$r&$c?" `":" #";}

Does that help you understand it?

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[brarrr]

where i go to school they take the first letter of the first name and the first 7 letters of the last name to make user accts. simple? ashley baldassi has a most excellent email address.

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Spy Hunter]

I learned about this in discrete math, where we had an extra credit assignment to come up with a program to print the pattern of odd numbers in pascal's triangle (which forms the pattern printed by the program, which resembles the Sirpinski triangle fractal). Pascal's triangle goes like this:

``````````1```````````
````````1```1`````````
``````1```2```1```````
````1```3```3```1`````
``1```4```6```4```1```
1```5``10``10``5```1``

It continues on down. Each number is the sum of the two numbers above it, and the sides are simply made of ones.

To find if the Kth number in row N of pascal's triangle is odd, you use the fact that this number is equal to "N choose K" (N choose K being the number of size K subsets of a size N set). To find out whether N choose K is odd, you can (for complicated reasons I don't remember at the moment) look at the binary representation of N and K (which is very convenient for computers!). Putting the binary representation of N vertically over the binary representation of K like so:

10011010 <- N
01101001 <- K

You can tell if N choose K is going to be odd by checking to see if any zeros in N are above any ones in K. If there are, N choose K will be even, otherwise it will be odd. The C expression (~N&K) therefore will be nonzero (true) if N choose K is even, and zero (false) if N choose K is odd. This gives an easy and fast way to compute the even- or odd-ness of a number in any location in Pascal's triangle. That's how the math works for this little hack.

I actually have an even smaller (106 characters) version of this code in C++, but due to funny sig size limits it won't fit in the slashdot sig box (too many <> signs).

for(int r=-1,c=0;r<65;c++){if(c>r){r++; cout<<endl;for(c=65;c<r;c--)cout<<' ';c=0;}cout<<(~r&c?" `":" #");}

And before you start thinking that I'm a genius or something, I didn't come up with that way of discovering the even- or odd-ness of numbers in Pascal's triangle (I wish I was a math wiz like that :-). It was showed to us in class. I only made the implementation.

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[DaveAtFraud]

... and as any perl programmer will tell you: "There's more than on way to do it."

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[popmaker]

Don't be hard on yourself, at least you can hack :)

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[popmaker]

And, just because I'm a sixteen year old f00l,
I'd like to paste this annoying little program:

double pi = 3.14159265358979323846;
int matrix[25][30];
double radius = 2;
for(double d = 0; d < 6*pi; d+=0.05) {
matrix[12 + (int)(cos(d)*radius)]
[15 + (int)(sin(d)*radius)] = '.';
radius += 0.03;
}
for(int i = 0; i < 25; i++) {
for(int j = 0; j < 30; j++)
printf((matrix[i][j] == '.') ? ". " : " ");
printf("\n");
}

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[Balinares]

Well... Snakes DO have two penises... =)

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[aoeuid]

Thats pretty neat too. I really need to learn some math one of these days....

To the others, if you see this, thanks for your responses as well. It's quite interesting what you guys can do..

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[popmaker]

Thank you! It's pretty simple really. I got obsessed with circles and spirals for a while and got the simple circle algorithm. Using an two-dimensional array it's quite easy to emulate a drawing program, where you just assign '*' or something to array[x][y] and pick a location for x and y.

To draw a circle you use sin() and cos(), to get the coordinates og a point in the ring. the functions take radians as arguments, opposed to degrees. 2pi == 360

Then you multiply the result with a number, that number is the radius of the ring. Keep it constant to draw a circle, add a small value to it to get a spiral. So here's a code to explain this:

double i;
int radius = 50; //pixels
for(i = 0; i < 2*pi; i+=0.01)
drawPoint(sin(i)*radius, cos(i)*radius);

I've also got the algorithms for sin() and cos() if you want :), though they come with math.h

Re:Everyone knows that Perl

[bryankemp]

Not to mention pump and tail.

Uh...

[Graymalkin]

Asking what operating systems you can use to attract a sexual partner is like asking which overalls you should wear on a date to get you laid. One is just not condusive to the other.

Re:Uh...

[Anonymous Coward]

Depends on what part of the country yall are from and how close a relative she is, I s'pose.

Re:Uh...

[groman]

Desperate geeks who ask about operating systems go for overalls. [grin]

Re:Uh...

[Anonymous Coward]

Heeyyy. That's not true. I'm female and one of my dating criteria
is at least computer literate - tho they probably won't get laid if
they only run windows.

Re:Uh...

[TheMostBob]

OSSlut ;-)

Re:OMG, ANOTHER APRIL 1 JOKE?

[JabberWokky]

How many pathetic see-thru attempts at an April Fool joke are we going to see today?

I hate to tell you this, but I have a bad feeling that the stories we are going to see that are absolutely wretched or dizzyingly stupid are all real submissions over the past month or so. I'm pretty sure they did this a year or two ago. It kinda almost makes you pity them for having to wade through the submission box.

--
Evan

sockets

[upt1me]

I personally like socket programming...

Hello

[Darkfred]

If you find that your sexual prowess is affected by what programming language you use maybe you need to spend less time at the computer and more time with your wife or girlfriend.

THere may come a point in your life when you are impotent without programming a small packet server.

Re:Hello

[doooras]

i don't know about him, but my girlfriend lately IS my computer. her name is Penty. she loves me. she always tells me that she wants me to ugrade my "hard drive" though.

Re:Hello

[SynKKnyS]

http://www.fu-fme.com/ :)

Re:Hello

[majestyk2000]

"...but my girlfriend lately IS my computer. her name is Penty"

Penty? I bet she's yummy. Get it? Penty-yummy? I'm here all week.

Re:OMG, ANOTHER APRIL 1 JOKE?

[Anonymous Coward]

I hope to god that they can blame this horrid crop of swill on submissions. I would pity them if this was made up by the editors. It would be a sorry fucking statement on humor.

Even if it is April 1...

[Restil]

This should have been marked as Funny. Its more appropriate that way.

-Restil

Perl philosophy: "There's more than one way ..."

[Seth Finkelstein]

From the a Perl glossary:

TMTOWTDI
There's More Than One Way To Do It - a major philosophy in the design of Perl. ...

Sig: What Happened To The Censorware Project (censorware.org)

Not a particular language but...

[thinmac]

I find the best thing to get in "stallion" mode is to have some sort of sucess with the computer. Could be programming, could be getting DSL or cable to finally work, could be even just getting X to work for the first time. Getting the computer to do something you only sort of belived it would do at all is the best love drug I've found. (also, coming home and saying "guess what I did today, honey" gets you lots of 'big strong man (or woman)' points, too :)

Re:Not a particular language but...

[Afrosheen]

Yeah, right. Try that with my wife. She's Thai, and halfway through the technical explanation she'll be flipping channels or talking on the phone.

Some geek victories gotta remain yours. Nobody else gives a rat's ass.

Sexual Performance?

[darkov]

What's that? Is it something to with girls? Eeeww!

Re:Sexual Performance?

[NanoGator]

You dont HAVE to have a girl there to have sexual performance. Some buys prefer Visual Basic because a good deal of it is mouse driven. That means they have a hand free. I bet those guys have improved sexual performance then!

Smalltalkers are the best lovers.

[crovira]

We make smalltalk and Smaltalk makes us.

Penguin Socks

[Krezel]

One of my friend bought my gf socks with PENGUINS on them because she thought it would spice up our sex life...

She wears them all the time, and we have a lot of sex, so I guess it works!

Re:Penguin Socks

[daeley]

Could have been worse. She could have asked for Penguins with socks on them. ;)

Re:Penguin Socks

[The-Bus]

Could be worse... his friend could be having sex with the gf... ;)

Re:Penguin Socks

[jonasj]

Could have been worse... the gf could be having sex with the pengu... uhm, never mind.

Re:Penguin Socks

[ibpooks]

My Girlfriend bought be boxer shorts with Penguins on them. They always seem to work for me!

Preferences

[justletmeinnow]

Well, after a long day at tongue++ I like to come home and give her my Perl...

(leave me alone, I'm tired...)

As for operating systems...

[Mt._Honkey]

As soon as I installed Win XP, I started chronically masturbating. Man, it just doesn't stop. I wore out my right hand and now my left is turning red. One that hand's through, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Switch to Linux I guess. Anyone else with the same problem?

Man my floor's crusty...

Re:As for operating systems...

[abnormal]

For me, it's not so much WinXP. It's more of the Nazi Bill Gates wallpaper that gets me off =)

Did I think that or did I post it to the world?

DAMN!

wait wait wait

[Profe55or Booty]

you're asking slashdot readers about their sex life? *chuckles*

Re:wait wait wait

[Anonymous Coward]

The sad this is you could generalise the question to
"you're asking slashdot readers?"
and still be chuckling.

Oh God

[Kryzon]

The last thing I need is to hear about the sex lives of a bunch of nerds.

Re:Oh God

[WhiteKnight07]

Actually, you probably wouldn't hear very much....

Re:Oh God

[Silver Rose]

Hey! Some nerds have lots of sex! (I do... My boyfriend does...)

Problems I've had

[Etrigan_696]

Didn't have any problems with my sex life being affected by my programming until, while in college, I learned about recursion. Everything went fine until the bed ran out of stack space and it all fell over.
I figured it was a pointer problem, and it took a while to get it all worked out, but now it's kinda fun.

Everything went fine till my junior year and I started in on concurrent processing. Now I can't tell if it's a hardware limitation that's keeping me from performing more than 4 operations simultaneously, or if it's a problem with the OS...
Most likely that problem is in my firmware. Probably something is flashing my firmware and causing me to reboot.

Maybe during grad school we'll learn about distributed computing....Then I'll need a bigger bed! But I hear it's hard to keep all the process communication under control, because the ports are so busy....

Re:Problems I've had

[kEnder242]

Ever read "Diamond age"?

Re:Problems I've had

[Matthaeus]

Rod logic has got to be the best performance enhancer. Except perhaps rod logic on a laptop...

Assembly

[Nashirak]

If Java makes you a stallion...and C++ lowers your sexual prowlness.... then Assembly makes you impotent. :)

i asked my GF

[rosewood]

I said to her, sweety - I feel like im less of a man. I do not understand programing. I can not write Perl even. She told me it was okay... she still loved me anyways

geeks?

[ljaguar]

Most geeks don't have a love life. Besides, this is an absolutely idiotic April fool's joke. That Qt thing was great, tho.

Re:lame...

[Emperor Cezar]

I think someone needs to calm down. With all due respect, some people take things of little consequence way to seriously. There are plenty of things in the world more importent than arguing if some April Fool's article does not live up to "standards"

Once Again ZZTop Has Wisdom To Share

[FrankDrebin]

... she wanna Perl Necklace ...

Re:Once Again ZZTop Has Wisdom To Share

[fooguy]

I'll let me .sig be my comment on this.

Hrumph

[Com2Kid]

For those of us on the west coast it is still another 54 minutes to go. . . .

Time to start checking the east coast sites though. :)

Re:wrong section! :)

[ThatComputerGuy]

Nothing is in the wrong section on April Fools' Day, fool.

YHBF. YHL. HANAFD.

ASP & .NET ?

[sh0rtie]

only brings.

ASP
Average Sexual Performance

.NET
.Never Enough Titties

Re:I use Commodore Basic 2.0

[danielrose]

but what is:

POKE 53280,0
POKE 53281,0

?? The true test!

Don't know about you...

[DennyK]

...but spending too much time working in VisualBasic seems to make me BSOD more often. Sometimes I can't even get it to boot up!

;-)

(Sorry, couldn't resist... ;) )

DennyK

wha?

[npietraniec]

Do Programming Languages Affect Your Sexual Performance?

I don't know why I bother reading slashdot on April fool's day... Most of this drivel isn't really that funny. I'm making a commitment to skip reading for the rest of the day. Who's with me?

brainfuck

[Daltorak]

Feeling masochstic? Try the Brainfuck language. It's every bit as good as it sounds.

Re:brainfuck

[Rhinobird]

Some have pointed out that Java makes you a stallion and c++ makes you tired. Then they figured that Assembly must make you impotent. Dude, if you program with brainfuck, it's just gonna fall off...

You know what assume does...

[Soluxx]

You're assuming that people here actually have sex.... with another human being!

Re:Dear Slashdot

[XBL]

What is your password? The trolls will make good use of your +1 status.

When I'm in the boudoir,

[mstyne]

my baby shouts Haskell! Haskell! Haskell!... but my name is Mike...

this much

[metalhed77]

hmmmmm, the linux-gay conspiracy trolls will have a field day with this. I can just imagine what they'll say about RMS's love of "open" systems and they reduction of "backdoors" and the sort.

c definitely decreases your sexual performance

[dotgod]

Last semster, when I was in a C programming class, I tried to sleep with the teacher for extra credit. To my dismay, I found it difficult to sustain an erection. This semester I'm in a java class, and when I slept with this teacher, she gave the whole class A's just because of how "studly" I was.

It's all about 64 bit C programming...

[curunir]

chicks dig long pointers...nuff said

Re:It's all about 64 bit C programming...

[daeley]

As the old saying goes, it's not how big your hard drive is, it's how much RAM you have. ;-)

Java made me a Virtual Machine

[Bo Vandenberg]

With a little luck I can get loaded and fulfil my commands ANYWHERE! My Girlfriend doesn't like all this objectification, she wants a functional relationship, but I tell her everyone is doing it now.

She's really just insecure because she knows my last girlfriend was into BSD. I've tried to give her some pointers on her bad memory and tell her thats just not the garbage she should be collecting.

Re:Java made me a Virtual Machine

[bilbobuggins]

I once had a girlfriend who was into BSOD, I couldn't have sex w/ her for more than five minutes at a time before she just froze mid-act and stopped moving.
She had other weird habits to, like she kept saying 'call me bill and say i'm your daddy' and 'wear this DOJ outfit and bend over'.

Re:Java made me a Virtual Machine

[jred]

With a little luck I can get loaded and fulfil my commands ANYWHERE! My Girlfriend doesn't like all this objectification, she wants a functional relationship, but I tell her everyone is doing it now.

I first read that as a *financial* relationship and was struck by her honesty. Then I reread it & was crushed :(

The most important Lesson of the Day

[parliboy]

It's not about extensibility -- it's about functionality.

It's gotta be...

[long_john_stewart_mi]

... the cross-platform compatibility. Java lets you do it anywhere. =)

Re:It's gotta be...

[Silver Rose]

but only if you're careful...

Functional programming?!

[noz]

I've been learning Haskell for my Computer Science degree (it's a purely functional language).
Having no looping structures (other than recursion) and embedded IFs has transferred to my sex life.

I get in fast, achieve my goal, and get the hell out...

Re:Functional programming?!

[Panu H�llfors]

Purely functional programmin must be the thing I need in my sexlife - no side effects, you know.

Re:Functional programming?!

[Panu H�llfors]

> What about lazy evaluation? It transformed my sexlife too

How do you apply that paradigm?

You get in the bedroom but never touch you wife since you can find your way to the shower without?

This reminds me of a sig I saw once...

[errorlevel]

It went something like this:

"The thing I want to see most is for Larry Wall to give Bill Gates a perl necklace."

Laugh! It's supposed to be funny. :) Sorry if I screwed it up. :)

I'd like to leave you with this: for i in /her/* ; do touch "$i" ; done

Some might encourage you to "embrace and extend"

[Tom Veil]

Someone had to say it.

import javax.sex.*;

[sterno]

See the thing is that Sun, being the wise company it is has taken java to a new level by adding the JSAPI (Java Sex API). Some of the new packages include:

• javax.sex.bondage
  
• javax.sex.beastiality
  
• javax.sex.toys
  
• javax.sex.masturbation
  

Fortunately the Java sandbox makes the sex API's perfectly safe. It explicitly blocks execution of the getPregnant() method of the Woman class which is a definite plus. It's this sort of well thought out architecture that really puts Java light years ahead of Microsoft's initatives, despite Microsoft's long history of screwing people.

Re:import javax.sex.*;

[burtonator]

you joke...

but there already is a JSAPI

Re:import javax.sex.*;

[marcovje]

Looks like it directly allows touching the hardware,
which isn't entirely Javaish.

Re:import javax.sex.*;

[GigsVT]

Even worse, it allows you to cast your pointer directly into the private section of an object!

Re:import javax.sex.*;

[Tackhead]

> See the thing is that Sun, being the wise company it is has taken java to a new level by adding the JSAPI (Java Sex API). Some of the new packages include:
>
>javax.sex.bondage
>javax.sex.[...]

Java? Pshaw! We had that during the golden age of USENET, and didn't need no steenking packages!

The obvious:

• alt.sex.bondage.sco.unix
• alt.sex.bondage.female-admins.nntp
• alt.sex.bondage.particle.physics
• alt.sex.bestiality.barney
• alt.sex.bestiality.hamster.duct-tape
• alt.sex.sheep.baaa.baa.baa.moo

Because some old servers evidently couldn't just mdir "foo/bar/baz", they had to "mkdir foo", "cd foo; foo/bar", and "cd bar; mkdir baz" when creating a directory from a news spool, countless freshmen started their USENET careers being asked if they wanted to subscribe to...

• alt.sex
• alt.sex.aluminum
• alt.sex.aluminum.baseball
• alt.sex.aluminum.baseball.bat

My faves were from earlier censorship efforts. (IIRC, some of these were originally used when university administrators cut off alt.sex - the affected people posted to alt.sex.[subgroup] and crossposted to alt.sex to get propagation.)

• alt.sex.fetish.cost.benefit.analysis
• alt.sex.fetish.head-librarian
• alt.sex.prevost-derbecker
• alt.sex.senator-exon
• alt.sex.unnatural-acts.jesse-helms

There's a lot of history in a list of old newsgroups. (Ah, the series of newsgroups containing strings of dashes and asterisks to spell a message in ASCII-art in your .newsrc - now that was genius. Sick, twisted genius, but genius nonetheless...)

Re:import javax.sex.*;

[passion]

So... this is how they implement those embedded internet enabled applications for tele-dildonics.

Re:import javax.sex.*;

[T5]

Another excellent design decision is that JSAPI blocks any attempt at viral activity by disallowing execution of the transmitSTD() methods by both the Man and Woman classes.

Re:import javax.sex.*;

[curunir]

There's also the competing JXXXAPI which does things a bit differently.

- everything is combined into javax.xxx. Extremely large packages are in keeping with the JXXXAPI philosophy.
- In every class, everything is declared to be public (lots of exposed members). This does have an impact on security as it increases the chance of transmitting a virus.
- All socket code is multi-threaded. This allows programs to use multiple sockets concurrently.
- SNMP integration. All JXXXAPI programs are designed to be monitored closely.
- Includes some music support. So far, it's only midi-like music with a few basic voices and a couple of drum loops. This is scheduled to be upgraded when demand warrants.

Standard ML of NJ

[ill_conditioned]

Typesafe, so once you get it to compile you can rest assured that you won't run into any of those dreaded "type" errors once you start "executing code". Unlike other languages where its quite possible that you won't find out that she's a he until runtime...

In retrospect...

[dotgod]

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that my C teacher was a guy...

Re:In retrospect...

[dotgod]

it was a joke ha ha

Ever since my girlfriend started programming in C.

[errorlevel]

she keeps asking me why I want to free my null pointer in the sex routine.

I don't know much about sex...

[PsyQ]

... but I know she likes my Python.

Lisp?

[Anonymous Coward]

I gueth if you're of the homothexual perthuathion you use lisp?

my fav language and it geth two thnap up!

to quote Johnny 5

[oo7tushar]

nice software

Perhaps a direct correlation can be made between speed of compiled code and sex life. Maybe after Java you need some sp33d/action to liven up your life. Perhaps C++ is such a harsh mistress that you can't handle anymore.

Myself, I'd like to test that theory with any available test subjects. Please, it's for Science.

Sex according to apt

[jordancapps]

sex is probably updatedb; locate blonde; talk; date; cd; strip; look; touch; finger; unzip; uptime; gawk; apt-get install condom; mount; fsck; gasp; more; yes; yes; yes; more; umount; apt-get remove --purge condom; make clean; sleep

Re:Sex according to apt

[kaiidth]

You'd get more variety if you went out first:

cd /pub; find /pub -iname 'blonde'

And you might get more results if you tried the old T-shirt trick

cd /pub; more beer; find /pub -iname '*blonde*'

You can probably ignore the 'talk' command in this case - it won't increase your chances after all that beer.

Re:Sex according to apt

[masteroveride]

Just one more reason to get a debian box running! B/C any good RPM packages that Redhat makes, they're keeping for them selves!

I-was-piss-ass-drunk-and-i-could-not-see-straight- i386.rpm

Re:Sex according to apt

[Tackhead]

> sex is probably updatedb; locate blonde; talk; date; cd; strip; look; touch; finger; unzip; uptime; gawk; apt-get install condom; mount; fsck; gasp; more; yes; yes; yes; more; umount; apt-get remove --purge condom; make clean; sleep

Hey, whatever floats your boat is OK for you, but I'll skip the "cd" step. I'm only targeting one platform and not into the cross-compiler scene ;-)

Re:Sex according to apt

[Cadre]

ObMandrake Joke

I-was-piss-ass-drunk-and-i-could-not-see-straigh t- i386.rpm

And if it was Mandrake they'd also have:
I-was-piss-ass-drunk-and-i-could-not-see-straight- devel-i386.rpm

Move along now, nothing to see here...

Losers.

[bentini]

While y'all are fooling around with java...
I went the original root. I've been playing with self.
J/K. We al know that functional language users are so well hung that sometimes they have to use a lisp.

News for nerds, perhaps,

[Zeus305]

but stuff that matters?

Never had sex on the beach then?

[KNicolson]

Fortunately the Java sandbox makes the sex API's perfectly safe

That damn sand gets everywhere! Ouch!

Real programmers

[popeyethesailor]

do it on the bare er.. metal :)

Well,

[Anonymous Coward]

My girlfriend appreciates a good TCL every now and then...

Re:OMG, ANOTHER APRIL 1 JOKE?

[CRAssEsT]

i take it you program in C

Re:Note to posters: Not April 1 everywhere yet

[Anonymous Squonk]

If you're going to be like that about it, there's always going to be some portion of the world where it's not April 1st. As soon as the last section moves out of March 31st, so other section of the world will be beginning April 1st. So I say that, when it's midnight April 1st on the East Coast, let the shit fly!

it's python

[demian031]

python is named after the british comedy series 'monty python'. i was watching an interview with one of the original monty-python guys (yeah, i should know his name) and he admitted to the interviewer that when they used 'python' they were kind of tounge-in-cheek making a reference to the one-eyed trouser python.

Actually, I wrote my thesis on this.

[Bowie J. Poag]

Here's the general breakdown for how languages affect sexual performance:

BASIC - Slow, but good for beginners.
COBOL - Tends to make you rigid.
FORTRAN - Almost nobody does it.
ASSEMBLY - Too short, and too fast for most people.
JAVA - It will cause your Object to be extended.
C - Sometimes you just wanna do it for the helluvit.
C# - Dont worry, it'll clear up in a few weeks.
Korn Shell - Quick and dirty.
Perl - Allows you to do it any way you want, anywhere, anytime!

Cheers,

i'll be honest

[MoceanWorker]

I'm awful at programming.. and I constantly will have problems with any program I compile. In fact, 90% of the time.. programs I finish and compile will end up crashing (seg faulting) most of the time. I wasn't born to be a programmer.. but anyway, I guess this explains my failure to ever get ass.

Cheers

Interesting...

[Michael McIntyre]

Ever since I've started using Flash I have had the urge to buy a trechcoat and run throught the park.

Anyone else here use Rexx? The Restructured Extended Executor? Try it for comparison.

Just don't use Pascal. You will not be able to do half the things you want to.

Okay, got that out of my system I'll let other people prattle on about 5 1/4 in floppys and the like.

OS's

[AresTheImpaler]

I have experienced something similar... when I use any M$ software, I could only have one girl.. after I changed to an open source OS, I been able to have more than 1.. This is great..

I can steam with Scheme

[carnageonline]

infix is for MFM
gimme some prefix lovin anyday!

Real News, rejected. Microsoft and Patents.

[Alsee]

InterTrust Disputes Microsoft Ownership of Important Trusted Computing Technologies.

InterTrust press release announcing "action to assume ownership of key Microsoft operating system patent claims."

At issue are Microsoft's two Digital Rights Management Operating System patents, discussed in this previous article. The patents are viewable here and here. Microsoft's idea of "trusted computing" is to secure the computer against the owner. If we're lucky this will get tied up in the courts for years.

The press release may be two months old, but I haven't seen it mentioned on slashdot. Instead we get these stupid April fools day articles and this gets rejected.

-

Re:Real News, rejected. Microsoft and Patents.

[Alsee]

Oops, you're right! That post was offtopic. It was actually news, on April fools day. All real news is offtopic today.

-

Collecting garbage

[Kirruth]

My boyfriend likes objects, but I told him if that was his orientation, he might as well use a virtual machine.

The Jargon File...

[kubrick]

has something to say on this matter:

bondage-and-discipline language n.

Languages and Sex

[erc]

When I first wrote Escapade three or so years ago, my sex life was in the crapper (no pun intended). Now, I use Escapade all the time, and the women just won't leave me alone! I've had more sex in the last three years than in the previous 20 or so, so I would say that the choice of a programming language really helps!

C#

[NeuroKoan]

Well, since a '#' symbol is technically called an "Octothorpe", and C# would then be a Coctothorpe . . . then I guess . . . . <mumbles>

Well, I guess this joke really tells itself...

Advantages of Scripting Languages

[repetty]

This is exactly why I like scripting languages:

Few or no declarations.
Weak or absent typing.
Indecipherable if I'm lazy.
Quick and dirty.

--Richard

Technical Matters (Shame on you /. )

[MadFarmAnimalz]

The article is sadly biased against the geek culture. I really hope /. refrains in the future from using culturally loaded terminology which no geek will ever have had the opportunity to become familiar. The amount of jargon I had to wade through was simply horrific.

I've put together a few links to help fellow geeks make more sense of the article. Call it a jargon file. Feel free to contribute.

sex

girl

wife

Hope this helps. Try reading the article again now.

Re:Technical Matters (Shame on you /. )

[Draoi]

There's an entry for 'sex' in the Jargon File; http://tuxedo.org/jargon/html/entry/SEX.html

SEX /seks/ [Sun Users' Group & elsewhere] n. 1. Software EXchange. A technique invented by the blue-green algae hundreds of millions of years ago to speed up their evolution, which had been terribly slow up until then. Today, SEX parties are popular among hackers and others (of course, these are no longer limited to exchanges of genetic software). In general, SEX parties are a Good Thing, but unprotected SEX can propagate a virus.

And so on ..... :)

When all else fails...

[Joe Jordan]

Looking for that perfect programming language that really gets your "mojo" pumping? Give one of these 227 programming languages a try... I'm sure one of them is bound to turn you on.

I could be wrong...

[MSG]

I don't know for certain, but the fact that I program in a dozen languages probably explains my polyamory.

More Amusing....

[boris_the_hacker]

...if these got placed at random through out the year....

The current state of research

[Inzite]

The inevitable influence of programming language choice on sexual performance is, unfortunately, a reality that the medical and psychological communities have yet to recognize or even fully come to grips with. It is undeniable that any regular behavior (such as programming), which becomes so large a part of any slashdot reader's life, will have a tangible affect on sexual performance and stamina. And it is pitiful that the medical community has thus far failed to research programming's affect on both the male and female sexual drive.

At present, a multitude of medical questions revolve around the various aspects of programming, ranging from the blatant influence of language and platform choice, to the more mundane and subtle influences of development environment and debugger choices. Preliminary research has proven only that the more we try to solve the mystery of coding's influence on the human psyche and man's most primal urges, the more questions we uncover.

For instance, with researchers from Prague, Moscow, Buenos Aires, and various sites in the USA working in concert, irrefutable evidence has recently surfaced illustrating the drastic sexual differences between vi and Emacs programmers...with vi programmers tending to prefer a more simplistic, hands-on approach to sexual activity, and a general distaste for experimentation in the bedroom. Needless to say, missionary is the overwhelming favorite among vi users. Conversely, Emacites (as they've been lovingly called by researchers) tend to be more liberal and focused on the visual aspects of lovemaking. Studies have found them much more eager to pursue menage e'toiles and exotic sexual positions. Their only potential sexual drawback, however, is their insistence that size does matter, and that bigger is better.

The striking differences between open source and closed source programmers are also being explored. Among the questions posed to researchers:

Are closed source programmers more likely to charge money for sex, while open source programmers eager to give it away for free?
Are debugger-reliant programmers more prone to STDs?
The phrase "wrap it up, everytime." Is it being misinterpreted?
Massive Yellow 5 intake as a potential male birth control?
Sex as a possible treatment for carpal tunnel, in much the same way marijuana can lessen the pain of glaucoma?

Obviously, the irrefutable link between programming and sex will continue to be explored and explained in the upcoming years. One day soon we may see an age where programmers become the sexual icons of society, and where lovers moan recursive algorithms under their breaths in the throes of ecstacy. The future does look good.

hrm.

[Anonymous Coward]

why? this is a waste of my bandwidth..
is this supposed to enhance morale?

id be interested in seeing the percentages of sexually active users who read this site

C == single

[The trees]

I programmed C for a bit about 3 years ago, and had programmed in several different languages until last fall when I began programming C again. During that same time, I had a girlfriend. Not for a year before, and not since.

OS SEX

[nycdewd]

OS X (OS SEX).

Definitely.

My wife walks around with a dreamy smile on her face, every waking hour.

Shell Programming

[CaptCanuk]

#!/bin/bash
date ; unzip ; strip ; touch ; grep ; finger ; uptime ; head ; mount ; fsck ; more ; yes ; umount ; nice ; sleep; expect; fork

#Sexy programming with words like that

Re:Really lame

[kju]

Oh my god. If you aren't interested in sex, don't try it at home.

Its the 1st of April, time to laugh. You know how to laugh, do you?

Re:OMG, ANOTHER APRIL 1 JOKE?

[wheany]

Well, coming up with april fools jokes is not easy, see this link for a brief history of successful and not-so-succesful april fools jokes by the media.

He he...

[SoupIsGoodFood_42]

APRIL FOOL!!!! Hehehe...

You should really be more carefull following links you find in /. comments on April Fools day.
No hard feelings I hope? :)

Re:He he...

[teardrop.ca]

Imma hurt you.

I suggest you don't become a Quicktime Developer

[kraksmoka]

Your wife might never forgive you :) gs

Languages of Love

[binaryDigit]

Java
+ Sex is the same no matter who the partner is
- Sex is the same no matter who the partner is

+ Never have to explicitly clean up/no wet spot
- Automatic cleanup can occur at the most inopertune times

+ Easy to get decent sex without years of practice
- Have to go outside your "protective layer" if you want to get down and dirty

+ Quick foreplay, slow execution
- Slow execution, though with underwhelming performance

Re:Languages of Love

[Glock27]

+ Quick foreplay, slow execution
- Slow execution, though with underwhelming performance

You need a virtual machine upgrade to JDK 1.4. Then you'll be able to make many more connections per second(!), and will possess nearly the same performance and stamina as the legendary FORTRAN and C.

Hell, I can't believe some of the pornos those two made together... And with Java you'll be much, much bigger!

Memorable quote

[binaryDigit]

"This stuff will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannasaurus, like me!"

Name the movie, the character, and what is the stuff (no, it wasn't Java).

Re:Memorable quote

[Treeluvinhippy]

I don't even think they mention what it was, just some stuff in a flask the Ventura carried in his vest pocket.

Re:Memorable quote

[clacke]

Predator, Blain (played by Jesse Ventura), tobacco

Oh my, I misread the title

[LadyLucky]

as

Ask Slashdot: Do Programming Languages Affect Your Sexual Preference?

I thought it was going to turn reeeaaal ugly.

Re:Oh my, I misread the title

[waltmarkers]

If that was the case then it's a good thing apple doesn't use that rainbow colored apple logo now, isn't it. And it's even better for my girlfriend!

Re:Oh my, I misread the title

[Linux_ho]

Actually, that's why the religious right have been pushing to remove LISP from the CS curriculum of public universities.

My take on it..

[MAXOMENOS]

I also find myself having sex more often when coding Java for a living. That's primarily because Java leaves me rather ... unsatisfied. OTOH, C++ is better than sex, once you get everything working just right.

Perl is great for quickies. Python is great for quickies where you don't want to experiment too much. OCaml is great for fetishists. FORTH is perfect for masochists. And of course, then there's playing with LaTeX. Pity the poor Visual Basic programmer .. that's got to be like masturbating in the shower.

Maybe we geeks should be happy just to make it at all.

Re:My take on it..

[Tackhead]

> I also find myself having sex more often when coding Java for a living. That's primarily because Java leaves me rather ... unsatisfied. OTOH, C++ is better than sex, once you get everything working just right.
>
> Perl is great for quickies. Python is great for quickies where you don't want to experiment too much. OCaml is great for fetishists. FORTH is perfect for masochists. And of course, then there's playing with LaTeX. Pity the poor Visual Basic programmer .. that's got to be like masturbating in the shower.
>
>Maybe we geeks should be happy just to make it at all.

Only one thing to add - you forgot one language: APL is for those 16-orificed critters from Proxima Centauri ;-)

Re:My take on it..

[Vulture_]

Personally, Java makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and borders on giving me a woody, too. (Only language to ever do that.) That's my opinion as to why Java coders are such, er, "stallions".

So slashdot has surrendered.

[blair1q]

And now the trolls are posting stories.

--Blair

Re:So slashdot has surrendered.

[YellowBook]

And now the trolls are posting stories.

Ah, so Slashdot has finally caught up with Kuro5hin, then.

14m3

[themusicgod1]

actually honestly... i dont really see this as news either... and i'm wondering whether it is more important than ananything else they could have posted..but.. that they could have put but you have to admit it is a good question... but more importantly i do not see this as sexist at all. Women have sex too you know... and sex in itself is not an immature topic. Sure, it seems to be presented in a sort of immature sort of medium-intelligent-male point of view but it also asks a question that i'm sure like many other /.'ers i did not know the awnser to. but sex, in itself, is not immature, nor rude.
the real lameness would be refusing to post such an oddball unnexpected topic

Re:14m3

[Anthy]

It's not really the sex part that's the problem. It is as you say the way they present is as crass immature teenage male toilet humour. I mean look at the original article, it's not even clever. They could have done something like word play or take lines in manuals out of context or something like that. That is basically clever humour which just happens to be about sex. Basically however the article is just "Sex - how funny. Let's all laugh." presented in a immature teenage male toilet humour fashion which *is* sexist. The former is comedy which just happens to be about sex, the later is just a bunch of highschool boys in the toilet snickering about something they can't get. I disagree with your last line that the real lamenes would be refusing to post such an "oddball unexpected topic". This would be true if it was actually clever sexual humour. However refusing to post crass high school toilet jokes is known as good taste.

How to Repel Attractive Women

[CodeBuster]

The surest way to repel 99% of the women out there is to speak with them about programming. At least give yourself a chance before you admit to working in a cubicle at Initech.

BSD or BDSM?

[Queer Boy]

look talk sync date touch expand size whatis nice unzip grep head leaks whereis find open finger tail mount rm fsck whoami man uptime more group biff perl ed cc tim join merge yes spray dump halt heap umount leave sleep

Easily offended

[Spy Hunter]

Since when is merely talking about sex sexist? I don't see what specifically would offend you, as a woman, in the article. If you're simply offended by the mere mention of sex in a humerous context, then I suggest you grow up.

Re:Easily offended

[brendano]

No, it's the immature obsession with sex so prevalent among male, adolescent-minded geeky community that's offensive. Only an overwhelmingly male subculture will be so disgusting across the board. While making dirty sex jokes isn't always bad, the fact that EVERYONE here is making them, and laughing at them (all +5 funny), the environment becomes intimidating and hostile towards women. The all-male reinforces the sexism of the computer science world.

Re:Easily offended

[DarkProphet]

Oh pish-posh! Let's see a show of hands, who here is between 18 and 46? Uh, huh. Mostly legal adults, I'd guess. The 'male, adolescent-minded geeky comminity' has no more a immature obsession with sex than any other demographic. You find this everywhere, not just in the geek subculture, as it were.

Besides, being a geek certainly has nothing to do with the fact that I often crack sexually-related jokes. I'd guess it has more to do with the fact that I'm a 20 year old male, and the testosterone still flows in full force.

I'd also like to point out that acknowledging and providing a reaction for this type of 'sexism' only compounds the percieved problem and contributes to a truly intimidating and hostile environment, for men and women alike.

When I am bullshitting with my buddies about my nympho ex-girlfriend and all the freaky shit she wanted to do, I sure as hell don't need anyone (male or female) telling me that I am offending them. If you don't like it, ignore it, or if you're up to the challenge, do one better than me.

Over-generalizing the 'geek community' is just as offensive as any sexist statement I could make. Most sexism is taken as such, but generalizations often get mistaken for truth.

Re:Easily offended

[Grax]

1. The first computer programmer, Ada Byron, was female.

2. "Everyone" is not making these jokes. From your attitude I assume you are above such things, which means that, even if all the others are there's still one person who isn't.

3. Sex isn't hostile towards women. Some of them, believe it or not, actually enjoy doing it. Sometimes with immature childish males who spend the rest of their time competing for the nicest car, biggest house, fastest compiler, or, sad to say, the largest comic book collection.

One word

[SkewlD00d]

Int er face.

If the current rate reflects C/C++ drag...

[scsirob]

..then my wife will never allow me to pick up Java ;-)

Re:Really lame

[Deadric]

Ill bite... its been a long tradition to post april 1rst jokes on slashdot, you might as well take the day off, by the looks of it, there wasnt an ontopic informative story last year, so dont have your hopes too high.

Some examples can be found here. Including a *gasp* "ESR's Sex Tips For Geeks".

Its unfortunate, people will stop feeding the bears after they loose a hand, if only we could figure out some consiquence for feeding all these darn trolls.

Browser Problems !!

[Loranze-Da-Playa]

There seems to be a big problem with my IE. I keep on typing in www.slashdot.org and it keeps on sending me to www.sleazydream.com !!

As a big shot of a big company said :

[Uzull]

life is a big dll

WTF?

[jesdynf]

Is there anything like a Time Bank I can save my mod points in? I'm willing to save up to fifty or so -- or even a 100 -- if I could have the privledge of getting a front-page story saying "a moderator just spent 100 mod points to inform you that Cliff in general and the story "Do Programming Languages Affect Your Sex Life" in particular are (-1, Permitted To Fellate Me)."

Oh great..

[NanoGator]

.. now we're going to hear a bunch of people claiming to have sex on a regular basis.

Listen: No matter how many times you've done it, you have to have had a PARTNER to claim you're an expert on it, k?

Re:Oh great..

[langed]

OK, fine. You asked for it.

In my 23 years of life, I have had 2 girlfriends. I slept with but did not have sex with the first one. The one I'm with now claimed my virginity, we've been together just over 2 years, and we've done it 304 times.
Yes, I'm counting. I still have trouble believing I'm getting any. She thinks it's cute when she asks and I can tell her how many times we've done it. My policies:

• I count only full cycle encounters. Either I, as the male, am going to cum, or we'll have to consensually stop because we've been going on too long and got tired.
• If she's really wet and I slip out, putting it back in doesn't change the count.
• Oral sex doesn't change the count, although it theoretically could if it were one long sustained blowjob that didn't involve penetration and eventually ended in orgasm.
• If she cums I count that separately -- I keep various counts going. But the whole lovemaking session counts as 1, no more.
  To date, I've only successfully gotten her off about 27 times. Yeah, that's kinda unremarkable, I think, 27 into 304 is less than one in ten times. But she seems to be happy with it when it really happens..

I don't claim to be an expert, but I've always got something new I want to try. She's a little suspect of the new toys, but she wanted them bought--we just haven't used them yet.
We've tried 37 unique positions, and often end up in one of a few tried-but-true positions.
I took a sex class here at the university -- she was eager to look over my books.

And that's about all I have to say about that.
I'm assuming this is germane to the discussion. Check my info -- I don't post trolls...

Re:Oh great..

[NanoGator]

Thanks for proving my point.

Re:Note to posters: Not April 1 everywhere yet

[NanoGator]

"Not all of us are on the east coast.. d'oh! :)"

You're trying REAL hard to get karma points arentcha. Anybody wanna mod this guy down as 'Obvious' or even better 'duh!'?

Doh, your pun's better than mine.

[NanoGator]

That's better than the cum-pile joke I was about to make...

If size mattered...

[Suburban nmate]

When it comes to software, if size really mattered, Microsoft would have a mon... Nevermind. :)

Well this one had to be done sooner or later. Apologies if it's already been done, gf kept me up all night. (sex, and cos I can't sleep with only half a duvet.)

shell

[sewagemaster]

a little bit of tcl (tickle) is always good foreplay... but to me JAVA just keeps me awake and stay interested.

i like clams and oysters. hence SHELL programming would be best for me :)

Re: Re:~1

[themusicgod1]

where on earth is the sexism of this topic shining through? please englighten us all.

if the author had not mentioned "wife" and instead used "partner" perhaps we would nto even know their gender (although, i'd guess everyone else would assume male).
What if sexual arousal and language were related? "romance" languages of the computer age.

Sheesh!

[Anonymous Coward]

Can the marketing department at Sun stoop any lower?

C# gets me horny

[droyad]

C# gets me really rilled up, It just makes me think of good old Billy boy getting of on it and it makes me horny too.

"One the Seventh day Sun betgotten Java from the earth, and he was please. Bill was pissed off so he took all of Java except the rib and begott C#"

If this isn't an April 1 joke...

[bryan1945]

I promise to kill this guy. Actually, I promise to kill anyone who relates programming languages to sexual performance, just on principal.

If this is a 4/1 joke, I'm still inclined to smack him around for using stupid anologies and such.

If some woman related her stove cleaning prowess to sexual powers, I'd kill her, too.

(Note for repressive government, all mentions of "Kill" or "killing" is made in a fictitious manner to be funny.) (Welcome to unlimited liability.)

and you'll have to excuse me

[themusicgod1]

as i was one of the "hung around with girls at that age and ignored the immature underdeveloped males" types...(although they[immature males] got sex and i did not...not that it really matters). it is discussion of sex...not the humour of sex which would have made this post good...i do not see how you are expecting it TO be a humorous post...and still expecting it to be clean of sexist, immature comments.

If slashdot is to be a major player in the world mabye it would be better off for us all if they shook up the old-white-male dominance and authoritative style of news coverage (With the cute vuluptious bimbo reading things she does not understand)... you know why they sit behind a desk right? because they want to look like they have authority. if we had any reason to believe that mabye the people at MSNBC may not know everything there is to know about important news issues such as the variuous open source movements, consumer privacy and new scientific findings, then in their idea they would not be seen as important and people from indymedia would become more widespread, and they would lose their job. but what is more important, having one person keep a job or to have the entire world know what's going on in the world?

screw reuters, burn AP, destroy MSNBC...slashdot and other alternative news sources are all thats keeping us from living completely in an americanized media / propeganda driven world state.

i knew that :D

[themusicgod1]

thank you for pointing it out AC.

Re:Girls

[Suburban nmate]

Up to you, mate.

And if you can't find another host, just loopback, close your eyes and fire up the VM. :)

Of course, you'll wanna keep a port listening for sysadmin/partner/mother; one non maskable interrupt you can do without...

So...

[quigonn]

what you want to is that Java sucks (you know what I mean,eh? ;)

Re:So...

[quigonn]

Sorry, s/to/to say/

well done

[themusicgod1]

you summed up most of what i had to say in less words(someone mod this up plz)...and did so earlier to boot!

Lisp

[1%warren]

Thex life! You don't have a thex life when you talk like thith! Not with girlth anyway.

It is *not* the sex that is the problem

[Anthy]

The boasting about how well he shagged his wife isn't sexist? This kind of talk does offend girls. I mean would you feel uncomfortable if gay males started cracking jokes about how good a shag this guy was, or this guy wasn't at the watercooler at work? What if girls start talking about two hot guys they saw kissing and how sexy this was in front of all of their male coworkers? Or start talking about how this guy they went out with who you know has such a small penis and can't take it. The standard you have to apply is, if you turned the tables around, would you feel uncomfortable? This is basically the whole thing about the remark that if males could get pregnant, abortion would be a constitutional right. Males hardly ever have to bear the brunt of such behaviour and so have no idea about what is offensive and what is not offensive. I find it significant that all the people writing back saying it is "nothing" are all guys who have most likely *never* had to endure such remarks about their gender before. It is *not* the sex I find offensive but rather the crass immature toilet humour way it is presented and the remarks about being a "stallion" and fucking his wife senseless (yes, I am aware it is a joke). However I agree that one cannot be too fussy. So whilst such talk is not appropriate say around a water cooler at work, it may be say at a pub having a drink with the boys. Which is what I am saying here. The frontpage of the most widely read computer news site is not the appropriate place to put such "humour". The fact that the editors and most of the (male) audience seem to think so is a sign of how deeply entrenced the problems are in the IT industry. I mean take for example, as soon as I complain, the boys here all assume it is the sex when I am not complaining about the fact that it is about sex but the appropriateness of this type of toilet humour in this forum. "Oh, she is a typical female bitch, who can't stand the talk of sex." That in itself is also sexist behaviour. I wonder what type of remark they make if a girl gets sexually harassed at work?

Re:It is *not* the sex that is the problem

[jonasj]

Males hardly ever have to bear the brunt of such behaviour and so have no idea about what is offensive and what is not offensive.

As a male, I consider that an extremely sexist statement.

Re:It is *not* the sex that is the problem

[Grax]

Maybe I live in a bubble but I hear more of that type of talk from the female side than the male side (I'm male). and I don't find it offensive.

I've had to listen to many conversations between women complaining about men. They usually say something like "men are such pigs. oh sorry, except for you." To which I usually say, "No, I"m pretty much a pig too."

Re:It is *not* the sex that is the problem

[Elwood P Dowd]

I mean would you feel uncomfortable if gay males started cracking jokes about how good a shag this guy was, or this guy wasn't at the watercooler at work? What if girls start talking about two hot guys they saw kissing and how sexy this was in front of all of their male coworkers? Or start talking about how this guy they went out with who you know has such a small penis and can't take it.

First of all, none of these things would begin to bother me in the workplace. Yes, I have endured exactly these things. I can see how they might bother other people.

Slashdot is far, far from the workplace. Can you imagine any forum in which you would not be offended by this sort of humor? Taking issue with the forum indicates that you believe *someone* reading here would be offended by the talk of sex. I don't really understand your distinction between being offended by talk of sex and the location of the forum.

Nur. Iduno if I've brought anything worthwhile to this discussion. Does anybody follow me?

Re:It is *not* the sex that is the problem

[Elwood P Dowd]

Nur. And I meant to close those italics.

Some required reading

[Faux_Pseudo]

If you have emacs installed do the following on the command line
man $(locate condom)
This is one of those things that proves emacs really is a great OS because it can supply all our needs.

Re:Girls

[darkov]

Actually, I think of girls as 3 port routers*. And I like to use the full bandwidth on all ports.

* You have to be Australian to fully get this pun.

Interesting

[t_allardyce]

Did Java make you better in bed or just hornyer? For example Coffee (Java) would probably make you more alert/hyper and it maybe that early sun developers found this was also true with (programming) Java. I know that when I code HTML, or tweak CSS, its so easy and generally problem and bug free that it puts me in a very good mood. If however your solving tedious problems all day in some obscure language then you will feel bad.

Also, creativity and imagination would likely play a big part, with, i suppose lower level languages allowing you more freedom, which could be good or bad? higher-level languages are slightly more restrictive but force you to come up with some really imaginative work-arounds. I suppose there would be a balance somewhere. (We don't want to start programming VBasic now do we! :)

Re:Don't be an idiot Anthy

[Anthy]

They'd probably have more luck with the mares. Most of them are ugly anyway and probably never fucked a human girl before in their lives anyway.

Re:Really lame

[MullerMn]

You really need to read the FAQ.
If you think that Slashdot is a respectable news source, good for you, but that's not what it's meant to be. It's a community forum for discussion of things that appeal to us geeks, and while this is simple, inane humour it's also amusing.

Perhaps the fact that you're the only one complaining in this story amidst all the people joining in on the joke should tell you something?

--
Andy

Functional languages?

[cookd]

Ideally, you would use a purely functional language to take care of business. However, when you really get down to the heart of things, there it really can't be done. No matter what you try, there are always side effects. No amount of protection is 100% guaranteed.

For this reason, I have to advocate loyalty to your API. Take your time, get to know a few, but don't do the deed until you are ready to commit. Otherwise, the rest of your life will be utterly confusing -- the side effects of previous programmer-OS releationships will come back to haunt you.

You have been warned!

Re:Really lame

[Anthy]

That's why I put "kindof" respectable. However no matter what slashdot says or does not say, it *does* have a reputation for being a semi-reliable source of info in its articles (let's ignore the comments part altogether) and it is the most well-known geek news-source around. I would put more weight in the fact that I'm the only one complaining, if all the people who are saying I shouldn't be complaining weren't guys.

Re:Really lame

[Suburban nmate]

Well, first off Anthy, i see exactly what ur sayin, and i 50% agree :) I don't discuss (I wont say 'argue' since its kinda confrontational, and this certainly aint a flame) things unless I could put a case for either side.

Here's the other 4 8ths: The brain is the most energy hungry organ in the human body, so maybe thinking less/easier does leave more energy for sex.

I somewhat doubt that /. was named so that Rob gould have a cheap giggle. He also has a fiance (sp?) / wife, or at least he did on Feb 14th.

I dont mean to offend anyone, but generally its guys who have to put the most physical effort into intercourse, hence our "obsession", for want of a better word, with performance.

Lastly, I fail to see the sexism in the story: where does it say anything about men being superior to women or such like? It's a post by a guy, aimed at guys; male oriented, but not sexist IMHO.

Ali

P.S. I know what women talk about! :)P

I do not know about you but...

[sboss]

This is probably one of the famous /. april 1st jokes but it does make sense to a degree. It probably was/is not the languages that he was programming but it was what he was programming. In the C++ world, he was doing the 8-10hrs/day coding where when he was doing the java he was doing 8-10hrs/day of conquring something new. Once he mastered all the APIs and the actual coding becomes a little more standard for him, then the sex drive would go to.

I am far from an expert but I feel much better as a person (happier, energetic, etc) when I get do to things that extend my mind or chanllege me. Doing the "punch-the-clock and work at my desk" crap does nothing for the geek. But trying to get Your linux box to administrer the Win2k/XP boxes without having admin rights (and being able to do it) is more geeker and more interesting to the local geek.

But your opinions may very...

April fools?

[nordicfrost]

Sorry, but this got to be a April fools story...

Re:Really lame

[WildBeast]

1) This is an April fools joke
2) There's a common misconception that girls are as interested by sex as boys
3) Slashdot is simply a source of Linux news for anarchists, open source fanatics and script kiddies.

Re:Really lame

[Anthy]

Which is the point I was trying to make in my original post. If you were a female trying to get into an industry where this sort of the behaviour even if it is not outright sexism is the norm, would you even want to? IT has a bad rep for being unfriendly to women, and now I can see why. I am not talking about the comments here which the slashdot editors have no real control other, but the actual articles which have to be chosen ie. go through some sort of editorial process. Shouldn't the /. people be trying to encourage women to get into IT, rather than encouraging behaviour which scares them off?

Re:I use Commodore Basic 2.0

[Wild Wizard]

it sets the backgorund and border to ?black?

It's not just programming languages...

[vjzuylen]

...it's Slashdot as well. I go limp with frustration every time I read about the latest DMCA lawsuit while waiting for the porn to load in my other browser window. Recently, I've even begun to recall articles on Microsoft security leaks while having sex with my girlfriend, just so I can prolong orgasm. I'm telling you, that Plug&Play issue from a while back left us both raw and dehydrated.

Re:Late Night Linux Binge

[Treeluvinhippy]

I always play an orc, so tje only thing I get is that damn dog.

What about the Spectrum ...

[Flossymike]

Randomize User 54321 ???

B*tch programming

[Knacklappen]

Dunno, but I always found batch programming to model my sex life most correct... ;-))
Ehhh... OK, you got me there... It's Assembler and all those NMI's... damn... ;-)

Re:F(irst) P(ost)

[fenix down]

*Ahem.*

Three limp dicks,
Three limp dicks.
See how they flop,
See how they flop.
They're just hanging down when they should be up,
So take three Viagra to perk them up,
Those three limp dicks.
Three limp dicks.

Thank you.

At last a media outlet which has funny april fool!

[aepervius]

I really got depressed after cnn.com and bbc.uk.com. Thanks god there is slashdot!

Re:lame...

[borislav.nikolov]

huh? it is just saturday joke post.
dont read if you dont like the subject.

Re:I use Commodore Basic 2.0

[Spunk]

POKE 53280,0
POKE 53281,0

Sounds like hot Black-on-Black action!
And don't forget to PEEK while you're at it.

Re:lame...

[WhiteKnight07]

How much lower can slashdot sink?

Isn't that a rather redundant question?

You're Talking Way Too High-Level...

[jejones]

Everyone knows that it's 6809 assembly language programmers who have SEX.

Re:Girls

[boxie]

Does this mean that if you have 2 girls then you get double the band width? or do you get the performance evened out of the 2 three port routers?

hehe. its a communication problem

[themusicgod1]

we both know what the other is saying...we just cant say anything appropriate to reply :D are you sure i havnt dated you for 14 months or something? lol j/k. seriously though... i do understand and am unsure how to reply to that.

as for stallion i really dont think that deseverves to be picked on for as being as cliche and lude as it was...it was also some form of a metephor...while not artistic...it is getting there...and banning words is walking on a fine line...

so in other words the idea that his wife is a sex object is the sexist part? notice that he said his "wife"...isnt the entire mairrage thing based around the idea of sex?? if it wasnt would there truly be a 'no sex before mairage' thing in the bible, koran, popular culture, whatever else comes to mind???...honestly...we know they are having sex... we know some days are better than others...what makes this so wrong to talk about it? would it have been different had this been his wife being told that he had stopped working on java and now was back to C and so now she's experiencing 'less' of him in the bed(or shower or whever else for that matter?)?

Part of the problem i think is that i dont actually talk to anyone anymore really that much so that if girls wanted to talk about how sexy those gay guys were i dont think it would even matter. honestly when i used to...they talked like that!!! that was a large portion of the conversations i've been in vacinity of by women were on thoe lines... some of them anyways. others were just as intelligent...
...i mean a few of them used to talk about how sexy those gay guys were (as gay guys are the perfect men...except that you cant have them!)...and it never bothered me. i'm not usually one bothered by any of that...unless i just broke up with someone recently (but you would have said that by now if you have...right?)...but i have not..so it makes no dfference.
i mean it also depended on the girl, some of them were far more englightened than others...but this is in all things

no you are not the "typical female bitch", because no such thing exists...at least to my observations. the entire "cant stand the talk of sex" is not healthy, and i would suggest you look into it... but it is none of my business so that is the end of that.
actually if you want MY opinion i think you are fekin sexy, because anyone with a mind that can stand up to even 250 000 slashdotters including me must be worth something... and its the mind that matters...right???

Assembly

[mirabilos]

Real Programmers use Assembly.
I, not a Real Programmer of THAT time (referring
to the Jargon Book), due to my late (1982) birth,
however, favour BASIC in combination with ASM.

And sometimes, when I am done coding some things
in this combination, done debugging (which is one
things I really liked on MS-/DR DOS and hate on
GNU/Linux and OpenBSD), _then_ I have some sexual
feeling right down...

This is no April Joke, because I do not belong to
the culture holding it. I have even a different
date than 01-04.

heh....

[WhiteKnight07]

News for nerds, stuff that splatters.

brainfuck sex : an explanation

[stud9920]

> : in
< : out
+ : faster !
- : slower !
. : don't come yet
, : I'm coming !
[] : do this to me again !

because you'll soon drop out of the que

[themusicgod1]

mail shadows_of_ink@hotmail.com if you want to discuss this so that it isnt a slashdot forum (and will be winked out of existance once your modded down to points by all those other males)...

All I know is....

[KewLinux]

...that without Microsoft we wouldn't have VD....erh....VB

Re:Girls

[ignavus]

You have to be Australian to fully get this pun.

I can only guess that you meant "rooter". But all the techies I know in Australia pronounce router as "rowter", not as "rooter". Although they do pronounce route as "root", not "rowt". (No one said the English language had to be consistent).

Or did I miss some other pun?

Perhaps the guy was good at C...

[themusicgod1]

figured a way so he only had to work a little bit to do the task he needed to...and spent the rest of the day looking at porn and jacking off or something...came back at the end of the day utterly spent... and thus sucked in the sack. am i that far off?

wow you have me turned on.

[themusicgod1]

only your probly a male and your male jack wouldnt fit in with my male plug :p

Re:OMG, ANOTHER APRIL 1 JOKE?

[borft]

Just check freshmeat :)

LMAO!!!!

[themusicgod1]

Ascii art?!! wtf (response to reason why this couldnt be posted) hm..........

Re:I use Commodore Basic 2.0

[danielrose]

Yes yes, good work! Unfortunately since i am a poor lil unemployed person your grand prize is.....
""

My personal favorite...

[fabiolrs]

10 IN

20 OUT

30 GOTO 10

Easy, fast, reliable!

Re:Really lame

[Suburban nmate]

Shouldn't the /. people be trying to encourage women to get into IT, rather than encouraging behaviour which scares them off?

Yup! My idea: Programmers + Soap = More women in IT. Maybe. (BTW I'm a programmer, with a limited vocabulary)

My gf hasn't a clue what to do for a career, I've suggested programming seeing as she's great at languages. She's aquainted with HTML, which is a start :)

Ali ( @t london d0t c()m)

Re:I use Commodore Basic 2.0

[danielrose]

Yes! Correct you win!

Does MS == S&M?

[Per Wigren]

Does MS == S&M?

Nope. I'm into BDSM (IRL even) and I only run Linux! :)

April fool, but

[marcovje]

Of course it is an April fool.

OTOH, if I have to use C++ or VB instead of my beloved Delphi, I do get frustrated because it is so
akward.

And maybe one does ventilate such frustrations in their sex lives. I'll ask my girl-friend :_)

There's only one language....

[i_want_you_to_throw_]

that can enable you to give a PERL necklace....

Well it would be true...

[active8or]

...NEWS FOR NERDS, would it not?

Sorry. ;)

Mvh:
- Knut S.

Re:I use Commodore Basic 2.0

[Wild Wizard]

hehe i cheated and looked it up in a commodore 64 programmers referance book

Re: 2 Girls (from experience)

[Suburban nmate]

Speaking from experience, if one or both routers are unable to handle 100% of your bandwidth, its best to alternate, therefore sharing the load, and leaving both properly saturated, swapping when you recieve an ICMP Source Quench Error.

If you can get full bandwidth into one, constantly, then the other can be taken offline for servicing (cleaning out, diagnostics, supervised self-test, etc...).

If you've broadcast all your data, you can just lie back and watch them synchronise. Most satisfying. :) Ali

an oldie

[esper_child]

Type new password:
penis
Your passowrd isn't long enough.

side effects of CRT radiation...

[geoswan]

Visual Basic made me IMPOTENT! *sob* On the bright side, thanks to 7+ years of hard CRT radiation, I now have 3 penises!

Did you hear about the guy with five peni?

His undershorts fit him like a glove.

April 1st eh?

[liloconf]

Im all about BASH.

Re:Girls

[darkov]

You're correct. The reason Australians say "rowter" is that it's not really possible to pronounce it "rooter" in polite company. They may as well have called it a "fucker". So we call it as the Armericans do. Of course, the pun still works, it's just a little more hidden.

What Sun should do....

[mjk8ball]

Maybe Sun should use this as a means of selling Java to the developer community, inorder to squash the C#/.NET Microsoft initiative - just think of the advertising possibilities...

Python helps me...

[742Evergreen]

Python helps me choke the snake

Even though it's a joke....

[f00zbll]

Work satisfaction can impact a person's sex life. If you love using a particular language at work, then you're more likely to go home happy and feel energetic. On the otherhand, if you're using a language you hate to solve a problem because you're forced to, then it's going to be pretty tough. Programming languages aside, your sex drive is just another victim of the economic down turn.

Boy was that a bad pun.

Re:Girls

[damien_kane]

I'm Canadian and I got it...

The problem is I usually get overflow errors when I use those subroutines.

Why of course...

[ICE_LAZER]

It's windows baby. Where else do you get asked to give commands (command prompt), ability to change face (interface) at any time, mutability of sound, and put it to sleep or shutdown anytime you'd like?

Common Lisp is the way to go

[Xenophon Fenderson,]

In CLOS, a GF supports multiple methods with fast dispatch times, and you can use them without having to go through the whole bondage-and-discipline routine forced on you by other "high level" programming languages like C++. And don't get me started on "before", "after", and "around" methods or garbage collection. Needless to say, GFs are pretty sweet.

Maybe Flash?

[TheBoll]

I really think that programming languages have all that power - as well as ALL things that may excite you up on your workplace. I remember my early conquests in Flash, which let me very excited and made me work a lot better those days...
I think not only the languages, but everything that can make your humor better would have a positive effect in your days. Or Nights.

Re:Really lame

[Beliskner]

Besides this kindof humour is basically immature teenage male "I'm a virgin and really want to find anyone remotely female to shag" humour

Oh.... my... God... How do you know so much about us? You must be a CIA agent monitoring us, you are the Indymedia spy... We've found you agent 17, you've blown your cover, your licence to kill is revoked.

Nice April Fool's Day Joke

[blues5150]

I had to check the date on this story. I was wondering what the prank was going to be this year.

LISP recursion

[Anonymous Cowturd]

LISP Programing makes me want to do myself.

stoopid

[yzquxnet]

that was by far the dumest joke I have ever heard

Farmer Jim?

[Aloekak]

is like asking which overalls you should wear on a date to get you laid

You wear overalls on dates?!?!?!

PHP, hell yeah...

[ubiquitin]

I program in PHP. I have four children. I've been more productive programming in PHP than any other language. Ask my wife... :)

Seriously...

[Beliskner]

Why is nobody taking this post seriously?

Good sex:
Java especially with Swing unless like most people you ignore "Swing is NOT threadsafe"
Python for text parsing (as opposed to Perl)
Haskell, especially as a language to code up compilers on
HTML I honestly think artisic web designers have the best sex in the world
*Cringe* <HateMicrosoftOverride> VisualBasic </HateMicrosoftOverride>

Bad sex:
Java RMI/CORBA
C++ you'd be constantly thinking "should I kill those segfaults using double-free()"
Assembly - if you thought C free() was bad....
Perl writing 1 line takes a couple of days, debugging is more difficult than sex, advice: USE PYTHON.
Machine code nuff said

1. april...

[active8or]

...it has to be a good day at the Slashdot office. I'm ceritanly glad I'm not hired to read trough the submissions today ;)

Regards:
- Knut S.

Re:FIRST NATALIE PORTMAN TROLL !!!

[quiklilo71]

we're all biting our nails in anticipation...

COBOL

[constantnormal]

I suppose this explains why you don't see many young COBOL programmers.... like the Shakers, they've failed to reproduce and are slowly, verbosely, coding themselves into extinction.

Re:Really lame

[technomom]

Get over it...really. It's April Fools Day. Have a laugh.

The posting made this 40 year old mom of two kids and software engineer (...and Java/XML/XSL guru...just imagine the possibilities) laugh her socks off.

Thanks guys!

JoAnn

Master your Python and you're in like Flint

[hillct]

First is pays to master Python. Make sure you own both of these books all about Python. Mastry of Python will lead to long satisfying enguagements where lerge sums of money may trade hands. Your expertise will serve you well in your travels, as lonely women seek out those who can best satisfy them. Remember, Python is not known for speed, but for flexibility and power, so go fourth young Python masters and spread the wealth.



--CTH

PS: And although some are better endowed than others, the longer the Python the better.

Re:Master your Python and you're in like Flint

[Afrosheen]

Nice spelling there champ. If you're a master of python, by proxy does that mean you're the master of your own snake?

April Fools Day

[agentk]

I'm sorry, but every day is Fools day on Slashdot.

Re:April Fools Day

[GuNgA-DiN]

You know it beeotch!

"is" is for booleans

[junkgui]

if (w.isPregnant()) {
throw new CondomMalfunctionException("Check the condom for problems");
}

Re:"is" is for booleans

[Matthaeus]

if (w.isPregnant()) {
\\It's too late to check the condom for problems.
}

Re:"is" is for booleans

[Bodrius]

if (w.isPregnant())
{
man.pack();
man.setName("John Smith");
man.setAddress(null);
town.remove(man);
}

DO I GET MORE KARMA....

[El Camino SS]

Do I get more karma when I detect the obvious, hilarious, APRIL FOOLS ARTICLE IN SLASHDOT?

AM I THE FIRST?

GIMME SOME CAAAAANDY!

Punchcards

[Ukab the Great]

Punch card coderse do it real slowly and in as many holes as possible.

Chicks dig Macs!

[mbbac]

It doesn't matter what language you're hacking -- be it Java, Objective-C, C++, or even Basic -- as long as you're doing it on a Mac, you'll attract chicks.

In an unrelated story

[stinky wizzleteats]

Sales of books on java briefly soared today according to officials at Amazon.com.

Investigations into the recent run on java books using "customers buying this book also bought" listings yielded inconclusive results, leading to a dead end of books on masturbation.

Re:Really lame

[Fiver-rah]

I would put more weight in the fact that I'm the only one complaining, if all the people who are saying I shouldn't be complaining weren't guys.

Bing! Your wish is granted. I'm a girl. There's nothing wrong with sex. There's nothing wrong with talking about sex. There's nothing engendered about the activity either. Sex is something that should be fun for both men and women. It seems to me that the more sexist attitude is that women don't/shouldn't discuss sex.

*flush* - Re:14m3

[yther]

With all this talk of "toilet humor", I find it ironic that immediately following the sex post on my Slashdot front page was an article about toilets.

PHP: Techno-Viagra!

[smagruder]

PHP is so easy to setup and use, and simultaneously quite powerful, that I often find myself spent before I can make it to the bedroom! :)

PHP: Helping Developers World-wide Cream Their Shorts.

Re:FIRST NATALIE PORTMAN TROLL !!!

[Jagunco]

She likes cereals

OO...

[Anonymous Canadian]

My wife believes in Object Oriented sex. She objects every time I bring it up.

OH YEAH!

[TwinkieBoy]

I would love to see this type of thing seeded randomly through out the year. I went to my first class this morning (ugg 8:30 discrete math), professor started doing a proof, cracked open my palm and started reading Slashdot... I just about $#!+ myself as I worked my way through some of the comments... I love it!

Java is boring for me

[riru]

It's like playing with Lego... you have all the building blocks and just build something...it's not that createive...

And naturally, there is S&M if one's into MS...specifically the M part...

Re:Really lame

[Tackhead]

> [as part of a truly spectacular troll (/me applauds), Anthy wrote that] ... there is a time and place for everything and all this shows is a total lack of taste and crassness

And Slashdot, especially on April 1st, and even more so on a thread about programming languages and sex, is that place!

Hell, Slashdot, on any day, on any thread, is that place, and that's what we love about it.

Anyone for a menage-a-trois with Anthy and Natalie Portman, naked and petrified, in a whole vat of hot grits? I'd volunteer, but there's this ASCII-art bird clamped onto my wang.

(No, I don't mean the dedicated word-processing computer of the early '80s. Wish I did. My g/f gives me no end of hassle about that damn bird... loves the feathers, but the beak's in the wrong place.)

Does C/C++ dampen your love live?

[d-man]

Of course it does! Only your friends can touch your private parts!

Intercal? Brainf***?

[Improv]

I think Intercal must be for sexual criminals...
and Brainf*** is probably for people with
necrophilia :O

I wouldnt frigging know !

[steveoc]

My 'wife' insists on enforced celibacy, regardless of what language I have coding in that day.

That is why I am up at a loose end a 2am with nothing better to do than to post inane comments on /. to silly stories.

Ask me again, and I will shove your teeth down your throat ... not happy !!

Why April 1st ?

[hs81]

Slightly off topic I admit but does anyone know why April 1st is the day for this sort of thing?

Re:Perl philosophy: "There's more than one way ...

[alanh]

In my experience, it's more accurately written as:

TMTOWTDIW

There's more than one way to do it wrong.

Ummm, nooo....

[WinterSolstice]

I had heard that the Perl motto was:

"There is always more than one way to shoot yourself in the foot"

Which explains things like the Schwartzian Transform and the Orcish maneouver...

-WS

Microsoft systems are great!

[Ctrl-Alt-Del]

After all, they're always going down on you.

Mind you, with the amount of viruses you can get with an MS system, you should always surf with plenty of protection.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re: 2 Girls (from experience)

[Random Feature]

You really have to take into account whether they're full or half duplex... A misconfigured port will definitely mess with your bandwidth, so remember, proper configuration before plugging in is important!

And we won't even discuss the possibilities of different sized MTUs black-hole/gray-hole hops.

Perl...

[Tom7]

All I know is that perl programmers tend to be greasy and undershowered.
I don't think that helps much in bed...

Disgusting!

[Chacham]

This is a perverted article. And I am amazed that slashdot had the indecency to post it.

If they want an adult section that's one thing. But playing to the immature teenagers is another. I hope they stop this downward spiral.

We've already lost polls from being serious to be jokes. (Started with a joke now and then, now its jokes all the time.) Lets hope the stories don't go away.

Sheesh, just after I bought a subascription. I wonder if I can return it.

It's all about assmebly, baby!

[Tom Rini]

I think idea that asm programmers are "wham-bam-that's-the-end-of-that-non-maskable- interrupt-where's-the-remote-control-honey-can-you -get -me-a-beer" is completly backwards. Assmebly people have to know just how to push the buttons on a computer, so to speak, and it extends quite well into the bedroom (or living room, or dining room, or kitchen really).

Depends on the interfaces.

[booch]

I think the quality of your sex life depends more on the interfaces you choose to use than the language you choose to use.

I'm... fully functional

[Aaaaaargh!]

I've never gotten as much head() and tail() as when I program in Lisp or SML. You procedural guys just don't understand the give and take: sometimes you get the head, other times you have to eat the tail. Some people say Lisp and SML are too strict. If you're just looking for a good time, I'd recommend Miranda...

Classic Unix humor

[UnknownSoldier]

Who needs a programming language, when a shell will do ! (Can't believe no one has posted this yet... ;-)
(I'd post the jokes, but the blood lameness filter prevents it.)

http://www.lns.cornell.edu/~pvhp/perl/unix.html

Sex and programming

[Hoi Polloi]

Unless you consider abusing yourself to www.mit-nudies.cs.edu to be programming related then I'd have to say no, programming tends to decrease performance.

Re:Really lame

[Soko]

Ummm... did your socks have Penguins on them? ;-)

Soko

Oh dear gawd!

[junkster191]

Throwing out an ask slashdot that involves the combination of sex and programming languages?? This is akin to asking a bunch of pimply middle schoolers to make their best farting noises. I'm terrified at the severe display of depraved ubergeekness, and will avoid reading the comments :)

Side effects...

[Creepy]

Yeah, it works, but the side effects suck -

I started to stink like a camel and spit like a camel, so I had to give it up to save my marriage.

Lighten up, man!

[cduffy]

C'mon... what's so disgusting about sex? If /. were to become refocused (or even make it a regular section), I'd be a bit annoyed. An occasional joke, on the other hand... where's the harm, other than tweaking those too stodgy to appreciate them?

If you don't like it, ignore it -- don't read the offending articles; don't waste your precious ad-free page views. Trying to force your views of what's appropriate viewing on others, though -- that's something I can't support.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[Chacham]

where's the harm

The status quo is to warn of such things when they are not the norm. Slashdot does not (yet) have such things as the norm.

don't read the offending articles;

Umm.. I didn't know what it was about until I read the title. I didn't actually read the article.

don't waste your precious ad-free page views.

I didn't buy a subscription to view them ad-free. I bought a subscription as a tribute to the great work they have done in the past. It is that tribute that I now somewhat regret.

Trying to force your views of what's appropriate viewing on others,

You don't force views by not showing an article. You force your views by showing it! And you don't force your views by commenting. Which is what I did.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[cduffy]

The status quo is to warn of such things when they are not the norm. Slashdot does not (yet) have such things as the norm.

Should Slashdot have had a warning before its first article regarding anime? How about the Columbine shootings? Weapon-related research? If not any of those, why is this special? More particularly, what leaves you "disgusted"?

...And you don't force your views by commenting. Which is what I did.

Granted. The (admittedly somewhat tenuous) connection I was using there is that by encouraging suppression (at least within this forum) of any content which doesn't fall within your norms, you encourage the supression of communication of which you disapprove. Admittedly, though, I was going out on a bit of a limb -- after all, your argument (disregarding the bit about "disgust") could be taken as a plea for topicality, an entirely reasonable request. That admission made, however, I disagree that merely showing an article forces views -- after all, information which is shown can be ignored by will; no recourse as simple exists with regard to information which is not shown. My argument does work both ways, though -- if you could ignore the article if it offends you, I could ignore your comment if it offended me. The danger (as I see it) is if your comment were used by the Powers That Be to regulate future content, establishing a precedent of modifying content so as to offend no-one. Not that I'm trying to paint this as morally wrong (after all, /. is privately owned, and the owners have every right to do as they wish with it)... but I, personally, would consider it a loss.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[Chacham]

Should Slashdot have had a warning before its first article regarding anime?

Not unless the article had a full description of something considered disgusting.

How about the Columbine shootings?

Certainly off-topic, and possibly disturbing. But not disgusting.

Weapon-related research?

Even the people who created the most devastating weapons seemed to work on it for reasons other than its destructive power. If a story was posted regarding which bomb killed more people, then there might be a complaint.

If not any of those, why is this special?

Because the norm in most publications is not to talk about "adult" related topics without giving fair warning.

More particularly, what leaves you "disgusted"?

The point that Slashdot has come this far with real articles, and now, with that base, it changing its content for the worse. Had these stories been posted originally (on a usual basis), I doubt slashdot would have come this far.

I disagree that merely showing an article forces views -- after all, information which is shown can be ignored by will;

Well, it forces the view that you don't need to *choose* the read this, since you don't know what it is until after you have read it. Simply because it is not known until after reading it what it was. And given the norm is not to have these, one may rely on precedent.

establishing a precedent of modifying content so as to offend no-one.
No precedent by *not* showing it, because noone knows what wasn't shown. Although showing shows a definite precedent of no boundaries.

but I, personally, would consider it a loss.

So, just post it in its own section. Or maybe, they should just add a checkbox to block such stories.

I am not against the stories being posted. Just it being posted with no warning.

It is interesting, however, that I was modded down for flaimbait. I wonder how much pleasure that immature moderator got when clicking "moderate". :-)

Re:Lighten up, man!

[cduffy]

I think the issue here is not with regard to interpretation but rather differences between the assumptions we work from. To be explicit...

Yes, the norm is to give fair warning before talking about "adult" topics. Why should I respect your norms? Surely there must be some reason beyond their very existance. Why is an isolated instance of this "adult" content inherently more offensive than the drawn-out discussions of the Columbine shootings?

If there were many of these stories, I'd understand and appreciate the need for a separate section, or a checkbox to block them, or such -- I'm not particularly interested in such content, just as I'm not much interested in anime. To my knowledge, however, this one has been isolated -- and I saw no calls for a Columbine section when Katz was writing those.

Convince me to respect your norms and I'll do so -- but such convincing may be difficult indeed.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[Chacham]

Why is an isolated instance of this "adult" content inherently more offensive than the drawn-out discussions of the Columbine shootings?

I don't like Katz's articles. So, I removed them from being shown. I couldn't do that with this one.

If there were many of these stories,

Actually, a single incident is bad because people do not expect it. Had it been expected, than without a checkbox, people who don't want it would ignore it.

Let's say someone reads the newspaper. In order not to see nude women, he does not read Playboy. Then, in a single isolated incident (in its one-hundred-year history), the paper decides to shown a full nude on the front page. Would you also play that down as an isolated incident? Would you also claim free-speech?

The real problem is a norm. Norms are set, usually unintentionally. People are them "comfortable" with that very norm. Changes from that _especially_ in isolated incidents are highly disturbing. Yes, and even with a *new* norm it first starts off as isolated.

There are certain things that most of the world finds disgusting. Whether logical or not. As a society, people usually let others know whether they comply with that norm (they do not have to) or not. Breaking with that norm, is rather disturbing. Besides the content itself, it sends a message that the owners (authors) can no longer be trusted with associating with a norm.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[cduffy]

Let's say someone reads the newspaper. In order not to see nude women, he does not read Playboy. Then, in a single isolated incident (in its one-hundred-year history), the paper decides to shown a full nude on the front page. Would you also play that down as an isolated incident? Would you also claim free-speech?

Did I claim "free speech" here? I don't recall those words leaving my mouth (or, in this case, my keyboard). While I have a great deal of respect for free speech, I don't confuse private control of media by those who own it (that being entirely within their rights) with "public" control exercised through force of government (of which I'm far more skeptical).

Here's the thing, though: I don't "not read Playboy" because I don't want to see nude women. I don't read Playboy because I haven't made an affirmative choice to see its content. It doesn't disturb me -- like (almost) any content, I can ignore it if I don't like it; rather, I'm simply not interested -- but certainly not offended. As an extension, I can't understand why anyone would be offended -- why, if they did so while remaining true to their mission, the local News & Review couldn't put a full nude on the front page without offending people (and ending up on the wrong end of the law). I certainly realize that people would indeed be offended -- but understanding that offense is simply beyond me.

Perhaps being particularly well-read as a child (including electronic sources -- I grew up making heavy use of BBSs, and, when it became available in my late teens, the 'net) has had some influence on this -- perhaps the ability to filter information exercised by myself and others like me is substancially better than that of the general populace due to the quantity of information to which we've been exposed. On the other hand, I know of at more than a few folks (authors, mostly of science fiction) who grew up long before the current glut of readily available information and who largely share my views.

I don't dispute the factuality of your discussion of how people can be disturbed by breaking norms; how the act of breaking a norm informs the reading populace that the owners/authors are potentially inclined to break such norms again -- but I still have yet to see why one should seek to be "trusted" to comply with these norms, or otherwise what their value is. That is to say: If I'm producing content aimed at myself and my peers, I'm not much inclined to comply with norms not accepted within said group. Producing content aimed at a more general audiance does indeed result in practical considerations which may include striving not to offend -- but that doesn't necessarily mean that those who take offense are right to do so.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[Chacham]

Did I claim "free speech" here?

No. My mistake. I equated freedom to do with what is yours with free-speech. You actually explained my mistake with your next statement. Good catch.

As an extension, I can't understand why anyone would be offended

And I can't understand why people force themselves not to be. Same difference.

but I still have yet to see why one should seek to be "trusted" to comply with these norms,

Noone should be forced to be. It's just that trust need be broken only once. Then the people can never be truly trusted again.

If I'm producing content aimed at myself and my peers, I'm not much inclined to comply with norms not accepted within said group.

You are not inclined. But it would be nice to mention that the norm is being broken. And rather understandable at why others believe it to be a bad thing. A person is only worth as much as they can be trusted. Trust being very closely related to reliability.

but that doesn't necessarily mean that those who take offense are right to do so.

Noone is "right" to do anything. But any has the right to do anything (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else). People have the right to be offended at anything, for anything. And expressing displeasure is reccomended in most cases. In fact saying that people do not have the right to be offended is probably a minor form of oppression.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[cduffy]

And I can't understand why people force themselves not to be. Same difference.

You imply that the natural state of affairs is to be offended by such things -- an implication I dispute. I don't "force" myself to be offended (or not to be offended) by anything; my reactions simply are what they are. I have no doubt that, taken at this instant, your responses are similar -- but suspect (strongly!) that their cause lies somewhere in your training, upbringing or other environmental causes.

It's just that trust need be broken only once. Then the people can never be truly trusted again.

You (intentionally, perhaps?) confuse one very specific and isolated variety of trust with the general case. I may trust you not to eat peanut-butter and jelly sandwitches until I observe you eating one -- does that mean I should trust you less in business matters? Similarly, while violation of norms may break others' faith in the conformity of the individual violating said norms, there is absolutely no reason to view that as a reflection upon trust in the more general case.

In fact saying that people do not have the right to be offended is probably a minor form of oppression.

I entirely agree with you! You have every right to be offended as much as you like, just as I have every right to proclaim 2+2 to equate to 5. We each are, after all, entitled to our own wrong opinions, and to any efforts we may make to broaden the acceptance of those opinions.

Just because you have a right to be offended, however, doesn't make taking offense always (or even usually!) the right thing to do.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[Chacham]

You imply that the natural state of affairs is to be offended by such things -- an implication I dispute

Based on most people I have observed, the ones who are not offended, have to force themselves not to be. Although it comes naturally after a while.

That, however, is beside the point. The point was that you said, "I can't understand why anyone would be offended". In as such I can't understand the opposite. Regardless of how the situtation came to be. I am merely pointing out that at works both ways.

You (intentionally, perhaps?) confuse one very specific and isolated variety of trust with the general case.

No, I did not. You said,"but I still have yet to see why one should seek to be "trusted" to comply with these norms,", to which I replied, "It's just that trust need be broken only once.". Talking specifically about a specific norm, when trust (about that norm) is broken, the trust is gone.

Just because you have a right to be offended, however, doesn't make taking offense always (or even usually!) the right thing to do.

It depends. If taking offense just because one can take offense, it is probably better not to. However, if taking offense so as not to let the offensive thing affect you (as if might if you don't take action againt it) then it is the "right" thing. Further, if taking offense to show to others how offensive it is (when they may not otherwise know, or it make affect *them* as mentioned in the former reason) it is also quite a wothwhile task.

It is just a hunch, but I do believe that in most cases, taking offense is appropriate.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[cduffy]

Based on most people I have observed, the ones who are not offended, have to force themselves not to be. Although it comes naturally after a while.

Might I suggest that the sample you base this conclusion off of is biased by some shared social or cultural upbringing? I've seen no animal offended by the actions of others -- no animal but man. This seems to suggest that taking offense at the actions of others (as opposed to anger, fear or other "built-in" responses) is a learned reaction, lending credence to the thought that it could be done without.

No, I did not.

Frankly, that doesn't seem to be the case. When you state that "A person is only worth as much as they can be trusted.", this makes it quite clear that you're referring to the general purpose of trust -- or would you say that your worth is in some way related to how well I can trust you not to eat peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches?

Further, if taking offense to show to others how offensive it is (when they may not otherwise know, or it make affect *them* as mentioned in the former reason) it is also quite a wothwhile task.

How so? Like most forms of prudism, taking offense at actions which others consider perfectly acceptable does nothing but alienate yourself from them (and/or visa versa). Would you really care if I considered eating with a fork a barbaric act? Would you even consider changing your ways?

As for "taking offense so as not to let the offensive thing affect you" (that is to say, trying to change others' actions by being offended by them), let me note that I've seen no more individuals change their lifestyles due to strangers being offended than people changing religions because of shouted threats of hellfire -- that is to say, none at all. If you think your lifestyle (or your religion) is superior to that of others, the most effective way to spread it is unquestionably by quiet demonstration of its impact on your wellbeing -- that being the means by which I adopted my present (mostly) live-and-let-live philosophy.

How taking offense can be "appropriate" when in almost all cases its only effects are negative is a difficult thing for me to see.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[Chacham]

Might I suggest that the sample you base this conclusion off of is biased by some shared social or cultural upbringing?

That is quite doubtful. People who I know that have worked on themselves to not be offended, are generally people I have met in the workplace. Usually from the same state though.

I've seen no animal offended by the actions of others -- no animal but man.

Firstly, that considers "man" to be an "animal". Something I disagree with. Secondly, offense takes two things. Intelligence and morals. Animals, generally, have little social intelligence. And they certainly don't have morals. (You can disagree on whether having morals is a good thing to have or not, but that would be a different discussion because many people have morals, and it is something that all societies have dealt with to some extent.)

...is a learned reaction,

Or just a complex reaction. That is, I have a standard. I expect(ed) you to follow the standard. You broke the standard. I recognized you breaking the standard. Other reactions are much more simple. Neither is necessarily "learned".

lending credence to the thought that it could be done without.

Even if offense is a reaction that is "learned" (to which I disagree) that lends credence to being done without? Let's see. Living with other people in a society is learned (those not raised in society cannot deal with society and generally disrupt it). Does that mean that since all the social skills are "learned" we would be better off without them? Surely, you have not thought this through.

it quite clear that you're referring to the general purpose of trust

Ah. I thought you were troubled with a different point. Now I think I understand. Let me try again.

I was referring to trust in general. Think of it this way. (Any names used herein are purely fictional. Any resemblence to the handles of slashdot editors is purely coincidental.) Hemos is in need of some pizza, but he has no money. So, he asks his friend CmdrTaco (who happens to run a wildly successful website and so has some spare change) if he will pay when the food is delivered. CmdrTaco, being a generous soul, agrees enthusiastically. Not only that, CmdrTaco points to his long history of paying for Hemos' pizza. As it so happens, the delivery-boy arrives and CmdrTaco is nowhere to be found. He left for whatever the reason.

Two people lost trust here. One Hemos lost trust of the pizza shop who fears another lost pizza when they suspect that he won't pay. Two, CmdrTaco lost the trust of Hemos because Hemos can no longer order pizza from his favorite shop.

This trust of CmdrTaco extends to his worth. He could be the richest guy in the world, but it won't help. Simply, because he cannot be "trusted" to be there when it counts. As such he is only "worth" as much as he can be "trusted".

Here too as well. Editors are worth in their stroies only insofar as they can be trusted to deliver specfic content.

You may be inclined to disagree on the one difference in these cases. In the example, the person whose trust was lost was because he did *not* provide. In the case of editors it is because they *did* provide.

While I applaud your keen insight, it is irrelevant. The issue would be whether a reader would continue to ask for the news anymore (requesting HTML pages). Or, for that matter, pay for a subscription.

As far as applying to other areas, it may or may not, depending on what reason the person had for his actions (or inactions) when the incident occurred. Although there is some slight overall loss of trust when it is the first time.

Like most forms of prudism, taking offense at actions which others consider perfectly acceptable does nothing but alienate yourself from them (and/or visa versa).

Unless you hold of certain morals. Then not taking offense degrades your belief in those morals. The result being you taking less offense the next time it happens, and thusly not have the same morals as before.

Would you really care if I considered eating with a fork a barbaric act?

As an aside, someone was telling me that he read a(n old) book where the author was complaining about the barbaric act of shoving a pronged stick into meat before eating it. Ergo, I found this comment somewhat amusing. :-)

Anyway, if you considered it a barbaric act, and had good reason for that (such as long held morals) I would probably not use a fork in front of you, out of consideration for you (as a fellow human being). Though, since this is not widely held, had you come to my house (or a common place where I had little choice but to be there) I am not sure that I would take great effort therefore.

Would you even consider changing your ways?

Certainly! Provided you provided a good reason that I agreed with.

let me note that I've seen no more individuals change their lifestyles

That's fine. Though I was not referring to strangers. I was merely displaying an example of where taking offense would be a "good" thing. Not that it was applicable in this case.

the most effective way to spread it is unquestionably by quiet demonstration of its impact on your wellbeing

Actually, removing democracies, threatening peoples lives if they do not accept, and enforcing the laws with special forces is much more effective. Throughout histroy it has worked, and the quiet demonstrators rarely got anywhere. If they were lucky they got a small sect.

If that is the best way, it has yet to be proven on a large scale with many different people or different backgrounds submitting.

How taking offense can be "appropriate" when in almost all cases its only effects are negative is a difficult thing for me to see.

Considering it keeps your own belief in your morals to a certain standard (as aforementioned) and helps others realize that they broke a norm (unless that is what they want to do) I consider it a good thing.

Should someone offer you to enter his house so you can see things and be offended, and then you entered and become offended. Then, yes, it is stupid.

Re:Lighten up, man!

[cduffy]

I don't have the time to answer all your points, so I'll hit on the ones that strike me as high marks. Call me on it if I ignore something important.

People who I know that have worked on themselves to not be offended, are generally people I have met in the workplace.

They're from the same country, mostly? Even if not, they were brought up by parents who enforced what were then the current norms in whichever environment they were raised?

That's a shared upbringing; practically everyone has such. Show me a feral child who is capable of disgust, and then I'll be convinced that it's an intrinsic portion of humanity.

Secondly, offense takes two things. Intelligence and morals.

Okay, I can grant that. I don't see how the fact makes me more inclined to accede the appropriateness of the specific morals involved.

Does that mean that since all the social skills are "learned" we would be better off without them?

No, not all social skills are learned. Nonverbally communicating ones' emotions, for instance, is hardwired; individuals have to spend years learning (consciously or otherwise) not to do so. Protectiveness towards family is hardwired. Quite a few others are also "built-in". Take a modern brain physiology class; they discuss such things.

The issue would be whether a reader would continue to ask for the news anymore (requesting HTML pages). Or, for that matter, pay for a subscription.

If you're viewing this as a strictly pragmatic issue (ie. assuming that a large number of individuals already are prone to offense, and so prone to act negatively when their trust that a person will not offend them is broken), you're absolutely right. On the other hand, I have no trust that some content provider will avoid "disgusting" content -- because I simply don't care about such content; if I don't like it, it doesn't exist.

I'm also concerned about your "slight overall loss of trust" -- why would you consider someone a less reliable programmer or business partner for openly advocating something that offends you (say, to take a guess, open marriages)? No doubt he's violated your expectations ("trust") of conformity... but what reasonable justification do you have for considering any person less reliable on such a basis?

Unless you hold of certain morals. Then not taking offense degrades your belief in those morals.

This has two issues: First, it implies that your beliefs are so fragile that you'll discard them if you fail to practice their outward ramifications. Second, it implies that you maintain your morals for their own sake -- for if not, there would be some better reason to follow their strictures than simply preventing their degredation. Further, if all that these morals do is tell you to consider certain things "disgusting", then what I'm arguing is that you'd be better off without them!

Would you even consider changing your ways?

Certainly! Provided you provided a good reason that I agreed with.

Ahh, granted -- but would that reason suffice were it simply that "people here expect you to eat with your hands and will trust you less if you don't"? If you're so easily swayed by peer pressure as to adopt some new behaviour simply because it is considered the norm where you happen to be at the time, we've exposed a fundamental difference right there.

threatening peoples lives if they do not accept, and enforcing the laws with special forces is much more effective.

Granted -- I was talking small-scale, effective, personal persuesion (and by "effective" persuesion I don't refer simply to changing the actions of those being persueded but additionally their internal beliefs -- something it generally takes at least a few generations of force to alter with any reliability by more draconian means). Sorry for not better outlining my assumptions.

Considering it keeps your own belief in your morals to a certain standard (as aforementioned) and helps others realize that they broke a norm (unless that is what they want to do) I consider it a good thing.

Once again, I'm unconvinced that maintaining such moral standards which impel you towards offense is a Good Thing in and of itself; and additionally, I doubt very much that many individuals don't have at least some knowledge of the norms of the society they live in, whether or not they accept those norms for their own use.

Re:Really lame

[$uperjay]

Shouldn't the /. people be trying to encourage women to get into IT, rather than encouraging behaviour which scares them off?

No. It's a bit of a stupidity filter, see. We don't want to have to deal with the types of people who be offended by something as completely inoffensive as this article. Like you.

For the record, I was offended by your attempt at a joke concerning the Slashdot administrators' sexualities. After a long-winded post on how we should all be sensitive and politically correct, why did you have to tack on a little 'fag joke'? Christ, shut the hell up. Your trolling skills would be better spent on things that are at least moderately funny.

turing

[blackbeaktux]

i program in turing. i don't get any

Only SOME Americans pronounce it that way.

[Ungrounded Lightning]

The reason Australians say "rowter" is that it's not really possible to pronounce it "rooter" in polite company. ... So we call it as the Armericans do.

Actually, that pronounciation is regional, and one of the canonical examples of the techniques of mapping of pronounciations for analysis of prevalance, prevalance change, likely origin, etc. (At least it was a canonical example at the University of Michigan in the late '60s, because the rOOt/rAWte isogloss ran through Ann Arbor at the time.)

I grew up on that isogoloss, and tend to use rOOt for the noun (the path) and rAWte for the verb (to chose the path), and thus the box that performs the operation.

One of the texts on IP by some of the pioneers claims that the two pronounciations are interchangable when it comes to networking gear.

I suspect the rAWte pronounciation appears to be the "American" one because it's prevalent in the part of California where the major IP equipment manufacturers are headquartered. So when you hear an American talking about routers on TV you're probably hearing someone who is working on them in California.

Hmmm...

[zm]

So it's not just a coincidence that this Java-coding neighbour is laid off and the wife being so happy recently...

Re:Girls

[DemiKnute]

Gee, I guess I shouldn't wear my "Got Root?" tshirt when I go down there, eh?

How did this slip through the junk/trash filter?

[hyling]

After reading this sexist(I just came home and carried on conquering) trash my opinion of slashdot for a reliable daily news source just went through the floor.

Completely off topic, surely?

[Tim Ward]

You expect us to believe that slashweenies have real relationships with real people??

Ah, sorry, just spotted the date.

C programmers...

[wedg]

...are probably so complex and obfuscated that their partners are so confused they don't know where to begin, much less what to actually do. Without written instructions, that is. :)

It's True!

[Shuh]

I knew this guy once who was getting too involved with EMACS and one day he decided to learn LISP. The next day he was gay. True story.

Re:It's True!

[mlk]

I heard this too, but I heard after he used Vi, he jumped of a tall building.

Whatever You Do...

[Shuh]

Don't program in any language made by MICRO SOFT unless you read the Sexual-Enhancement EULA.

Re:Whatever You Do...

[josepha48]

Personally I got turned on this weekend by NetBSD. It was so slick. I installed from a cdrom in a second computer through my ftp login account on my other system. The boot loader just recognized my Windows boot sector and all I had to do was name it. It was soooooo easy, that I actually got turned on to it. The only thing I don't like is that my freebsd machine seems to boot faster, and the freebsd is a p133/32M and the netbsd is a 266/64M. Hell both are faster than windows on either box.

I do think that the 'newness' of Java for a C++ programmer and the ease of moving from C++ to Java would, assuming you like Java when you start using it, make you more excited about your job. Most programmers like to program and the newness of a new language that makes things that you used to do so easy can get you hipped up and excited. NetBSD did that for me and I have been a long term Linux user. Before that I was a windows user. I think it is the whole learning thing and the 'I feel so good cause I learned this so quick'. of course after using Linux for so long BSD and other unies are so easy to move to.

I know it's a joke, but

[endquotedotcom]

True story: Code makes my girlfriend hot. Sometimes she'll just ask me to talk to her about the code behind the projects I'm working on, explain object inheritance, database design, looping techniques, etc. This will often get her all warmed up, causing her to jump me. I told my boss this, and he said "marry her immediately."

Ruby: Principle of Least Surprise

[jimm]

Ruby's "Principle of Least Surprise" means I never have to worry about premature ejaculation!

69 beneath my current threshold

[jimm]

When I first loaded this article page, at the bottom I read, "69 beneath your current threshold". Good; that means I'm on top.

Some Advice

[jcsehak]

so after conquering an API a day (JDOM, Swing,...)

There's the problem. You're all energized from your day at work, and your wife's just been sitting around bored. Try getting her a virtual machine.

It also helps if you have a fast/wide SCSI array. Some girls even like them striped. And the more RAM the better. Try importing Swing packages, but always make sure to examine the package contents first.

hmmm....

[wbav]

I had something similar when I switched to linux. I guess it's all that mounting hard drives, and fingering users.

It's easier when ...

[muck1969]

you use a simpler language. One can crank out code faster and get that domineering feeling more often ...

Sub HeteroInter(PerPartner)
Do Until vRESISTANCE = "Futile"
Call Foreplay(vTOYS)
Loop
Do Until vSTAMINA = "Spent"
Call vPOSTION(vKAMASUTRABOOK)
Loop
End Sub

Re:Really lame

[Internet Stranger]

"2) There's a common misconception that girls are as interested by sex as boys"

Really? Could have fooled me. Take a look in the current Marie Claire, Cosmo and the like.

They are just interested differently.

(OffTopic, I know. Im going to Karma hell)

So what about penguins...?

[dargaud]

Emperor penguins at play...

here's why we need better CS schooling...

[denshi]

Didn't have any problems with my sex life being affected by my programming until, while in college, I learned about recursion. Everything went fine until the bed ran out of stack space and it all fell over.

Silly luser! You should be using tail recursion to convert your funcalls to have O(1) space requirements.

As for me, I tried a lot of continuations after leaving college, but grew disenchanted because you could never be sure if they were GC'ed or if you would be interrupted at an inopportune time....

Re:Really lame

[sclatter]

Hear, hear!

Let's not perpetuate some Victorian notion that women must either be sluts or virgins. Personally I thought the article was hysterical. :-)

Sarah (another girl)

Well you can't go wrong with "Flash" "actionScript

[sachemcst]

Need I say more?

For best results, use...

[mojosan]

...no programming language at all.

Theory

[surfcow]

My theory is that java's so easy, so after conquering an API a day (JDOM, Swing,...) I just came home and carried on conquering. Could be. Or perhaps it was just spring and you are too young to notice these patterns. I wonder what Occam's Razor would suggest? =brian

FYI - CS world is integrated with female geeks too

[StringBlade]

I've got at least five female CS geek friends who play Netrek every Friday night on campus with a group of guys that range in size from 10 to 20 on a week-by-week basis.

The conversations carried on there are no better or worse than the postings on this board and believe me...the women in our group sometimes come up with the raunchiest comments/jokes of them all!

Moe: Call this an unfair generalization if you want, but old people are no good at everything.

What about OSS and FSF?

[sglane81]

only brings.

ASP
Average Sexual Performance

.NET
.Never Enough Titties

Possibilities:

OSS
Ornery Satanical Sex

FSF
Free Sexual Favors

Watching my fingers while feeding the troll

[StringBlade]

if this is the type of behaviour that exists in a typical IT geek gathering, no wonder no girls want to go to them

What impresses me so much about you is the fact that you're complaining about the supposed sexism of the editors while making broad (no pun intended) statements about what all other women think and like. I highly doubt you are their elected representitive, and if you are, you may consider hiring some PR people through which to do your male/CS geek relations.

Re:Really lame

[daoine]

Ya know, generally I'm all for standing up for the girlies (being one myself) Equal rights, equal salaries, equal whatever -- rah rah and all that.

But puh-leaze. It's April Fool's Day. It's funny (well, that might be pushing it -- worth a chuckle maybe? -- but it wasn't offensive) Furthermore, for someone who keeps pointing out that she doesn't care about all the "crass sex talk" you're certainly leading an attack.

There's many reasons why women don't go into IT (hours, lack of schedule flexibility, lack of interest, lack of natural light) To blame it all on the merits of Perl over Python as the sexiest language is shortsighted at best.

Besides, I like the geek guys the way they are. They are least likely to get offended when I belch.

Intro To Trigonometry

[aoeuid]

Perhaps you'd share a brief introduction to trigonometry or which ever math makes it possible, instead of trying to impress us with your mad perl skillz.

(Damn you Taco, its times like these when you need to post anonymously).

Re:Intro To Trigonometry

[Black Perl]

Trigonometry? Nah. It's simple binary logic. The key is the part:

printf(~r & c)

This takes the binary inverse (one's complement) of the row number, and performs a logical AND with the column number. When the result is zero (such as when the column number is 0 or when row=column) you get a "#". When the result is non-zero you get a "`". The rest is just spacing trickery to make it look like a pyramid instead of the triangle it really is.

Re:Intro To Trigonometry

[Black Perl]

The rest is just spacing trickery to make it look like a pyramid instead of the triangle it really is.

Doh! What I mean is it's still a triangle, but the spacing just makes the top centered like an equilateral triangle.

true story

[consumer]

No one will believe this, but I swear it's true. My girlfriend loves hearing me talk about programming. She has a sort of fetish for smart men, and when I use a bunch of programming jargon it gets her all hot and bothered. When we're in bed she'll ask me to talk to her about Perl or Java while we fool around. I have recently explained the principles of encapsulation and inheritance to her, as well as the binary system, and how the color settings on her Macintosh relate to the number of bits per pixel, all with my hand between her legs. And she loves it!

I never would have believed it if it hadn't happened to me. We used to joke about finding a woman who thought programming was sexy -- now I have one! I am a lucky boy.

Java == GREAT Sex Life

[javacowboy]

Before I learned Java, I was a virgin. As soon as I got my first Java programming job, I got laid for the first time.

I almost got another woman afterwards, but then I got laid off from my Java job, and my sex life dried up. As soon as I found out my job search was over after 3 months (a Java programming position) I picked up again. I got laid again within a couple of weeks of starting my new job.

I had varying degrees of success over the course of that job, but when I got my new Java job, my rate of success got even higher. Now I'm in a situation where I'm getting some on a consistent basis.

Re:Girls

[biobogonics]

Actually, I think of girls as 3 port routers*. And I like to use the full bandwidth on all ports.

* You have to be Australian to fully get this pun.


1. This gives new meaning to the term "rooting" a box.

2. Friend of mine in the navy regularly struck out while on shore leave in Australia. It seems the ladies didn't like it when he introduced himself with "Hi, I'm Randy".

Java

[Jack9]

Java leaves me lots of free time and I spending it screwing my gf's brains out. Sometimes I take a Pepsi or bio break.

your absolutely right

[themusicgod1]

but your references suck. those magazines to my knowledge are bought mostly by males.

ROTFLMFAO

[themusicgod1]

w00t brainfuck! how about Quickbasic for those who just dont have the attention span?

Story Headline

[4of12]

...looks a lot like spam I see in my inbox or on usenet.

What's the next headline:

Do Nerds Generate Their Own Viagra?

wrong career for a sex life...

[neoevans]

I think most programmers would testify that no matter what language they code in, programmers STILL don't get laid.

Well...

[popmaker]

Isn't there a library I code in C, is there hope for me yet? Can't I just include sex.h or something?

VB

[timdorr]

If I program in Visual Basic, does that mean I'm going to buffer overflow early in bed?

What?

[gabeman-o]

WHAT? Programmers have sex?

Re:Girls

[darkov2]

It's good that friend didn't want to express support for some reason, otherwise he might have said "Hi, I'm Randy and I'm rooting for you."

For the last time, it's not the sex

[Anthy]

...it's the appropriateness of the article part of slashdot in posting toilet humour. As I said, I have no trouble with guys making such jokes in front of me, when we are out clubbing or having coffee ie. in social situations. However what is basically being done here is akin to the CEO of a company sending out ribald jokes in his monthly newsletter to his employees as opposed to ribald jokes from co-workers. The point is the article part of slashdot proports to be a news site "News for nerds". The community part comes from the comments that people respond to. Still, I find it funny how people who respond to me keep on fixating on the sex part and totally ignore the "appropriateness of having it in the news part of slashdot part". I mean does anyone actually *read* posts here?

Re:For the last time, it's not the sex

[Scudsucker]

I'd take you more seriously if women weren't every bit as sexist, crass and immature as men are.

Damnit

[Spacejunior]

My lover just told me he doesn't know any of the prog. languages, so its no spice in my boudoir... ;)

I'll have to stick to doing all the work myself...

A girls life is always interesting

SJ

Re:Damnit

[Spacejunior]

PS: I also have a fetish for smart men, fuck who wouldnt!

Chapter 2 - Choice of Weapons

[Great Literature of]

This is part of the Great Literature of Slashdot Series

[Part 1]

Three weeks later, in London, March came in like a rattlesnake.

From first light on March 1st, hail and icy sleet, with a Force 8 gale behind them, lashed at the city and went on lashing as the people streamed miserably to work, their legs whipped by the wet hems of their macintoshes and their faces blotching with the cold.

It was a filthy day and everybody said so - even M, who rarely admitted the existence of weather even in its extreme forms. When the old black Silver Wraith Rolls with the nondescript number-plate stopped outside the tall building in Regent's Park and he climbed stiffly out on to the pavement, hail hit him in the face like a whiff of small-shot. Instead of hurrying inside the building, he walked deliberately round the car to the window beside the chauffeur.

"Won't be needing the car again today, Smith. Take it away and go home. I'll use the tube this evening. No weather for driving a car. Worse than even one of those PQ convoys."

Ex-Leading Stoker Smith grinned gratefully. "Aye-aye, sir. And thanks." He watched the elderly erect figure walk around the bonnet of the Rolls and across the pavement and into the building. Just like the old boy. He'd always see the men right first. Smith clicked the gear lever into first and moved off, peering forward through the streaming windscreen. They didn't come like that anymore.

um, right.

[Lord_Pryo]

Ok, that was funny, i laughed, then i laughed some more..

one thing to say

[abdulla]

keep riding that pony

Re: 2 Girls (from experience)

[Gorbie]

heh-heh...

He said "load"

Heh-heh...

Yeah...Load...in the port...

heh.

But Women prefer nice HARDWARE!

[Gorbie]

and THAT, my friends, is why Mac users get more tail! "Oooh! What a Solid G4 you have, Mr. Gorbie. Can I give that nice mouse a click?"

Heh...argue cheap hardware now!

Hidden Wisdom....

[suicidal]

So my child, you have come to know the true nature of Micro Soft. M$-Visual Languages are directly linked to teeny-weenie. I think it's an inherited attribute, direct from Billie Bob.

-Sorry, that was pretty lame..

What something kinky??

[popmaker]

Try Makefiles! :)

speaking of input/output operators....

[linuxChique]

perl helps my love life. my boyfriend was a perl programmer long before i got into it, and for the longest time i'd go to him for help when i was just learning. it turned him on so much to hear me talk about perl, and even linux, that on several occasions he'd have to run out of the room and take care of his business before he could even answer my question! [this would only happen on those occasions when we weren't together. when we were, i'd be detained from my task also.] he still gives me these funny little looks when i start talking about my machine, programming, etc.

i realize this was just a funny april fools joke, but its kind of ironic that it really has relevance in my love life :-)

grep love /dev/null /tmp /mnt/floppy

[Twitch42]

Looking for love in all the wrong places.
*sigh*