Slashdot Mirror
Playing Games While Not Ruining Your Relationship?
Silicon Mike asks: "A nice sized group of us here at work recently picked up City of Heroes, and started playing together. While all of us were gamers to some extent, now we're all pretty addicted and want to play together online all the time. The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time. Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other) I'm wondering how other people have deal with it? I tried installing Zoo Tycoon on my other computer and saying 'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."
Or obvious solution #3... Regular /.'s don't have to worry about this "problem", so why ask me^H^Hthem?
Hmmm.
Sorry if it sounds harsh, but the solution IS obvious: Cut back on the gaming. Perhaps way back. In a healthy relationship, you and your SO will give each other time to pursue your own interests, and you'll both sacrifice some personal time for the other. You can't be a compulsive gamer and have a healthy relationship.
If you have to be gaming all the time, as you say, it's time to grow up. And if you can't just do a little, then maybe you should give it up all together.
I've been married 15 years, and it's largely because my wife and I both make sacrifices. There's no getting around it. I hope you work things out for the best.
'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."
You're lucky, I'd have bitten your head off after a comment like that.
tsk tsk... bears? should've used bunnies. Always gets them.
Unless you find a woman who can handle you playing games like that most of the time while ignoring her, you're out of luck. Most women (I've found) like to be paid attention to.
:D
Besides, women are more fun to score with.
Have you asked your wife/husband if they would like to play or join the group you are so involved with? If not that group, how about setting up a parallel group that plays the same game?
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours. -- Hunter S. Thompson
They both cost money, but I'd have to go with getting rid of the games (I know, blasphemy).
When you're 60 years old and remembering the great times of your life, no ones going to say, "You know, I should have dumped that old broad and played more video games..."
| - | - |
From past personal experience, if your significant other has a pre-existing interest in video games, then it shouldn't be too much of a problem to find a way to work this situation out. But for those involved with somebody who has no interest in games, you're probably fighting a losing battle and eventually one side is going to have to give.
If the two of you can't work out a comprimise (spoken or unspoken), then you really don't belong in a relationship with one another. Gaming isn't the only thing that's going to eat into your life in the next few years -- work, children, clubs, friends, PTAs, softball games, etc. will all potentially require some kind of balance if you're going to continue a workable relationship. So look at this as a test run.
Relationships are about cooperation -- they're about *not* just considering your own needs, but taking the other person into serious consideration. I used to play hours of Quake each day in college, but when we moved in together I realized I was ignoring her and I cut way the heck back. Now, I play where I have a chance; it's not a set schedule, just something we worked out (you can't live together without having time alone, IMO). I'll play some GTA while she reads or watches a chick flick on HBO. She understands it's something I enjoy, but I understand that I can't blow the unhealthy amount of time I used to on it. Welcome to adult life.
Anyhow, my girlfriend (er, fiance... gotta get used to that before the wedding) is more important to me than numbing my mind in front of the Xbox. If yours isn't, well, maybe it's time to cut her loose and pursue your real interests.
Weirdly, I actually found myself on the other side of this one back with Girlfriend 1.0; she started playing MUDs our freshman year of college and got absolutely addicted. Our three-year relationship went right into the crapper because she *obviously* preferred being in character in her little fantasy world to me (or reality in general for that matter -- she flunked out of school because she wasn't bothering with classes). I suppose that gave me a bit more empathy in terms of this situation...
Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
I had the exact same problem, and for me the choice between my relationship and gaming was fairly simple: do both.
:)
I was involved in a competitive gaming league which held matches once a week. Even though our team played in a fairly low bracket in the league, we still took the time to practice before we played our weekly match. It got to the point where I was investing a significant percentage of my free time gaming and it began to wear on my significant other.
Eventually I said to my team "hey guys, I can practice once or twice a week for X hours and play in our match." That worked out fine and I had a lot of fun playing. But more importantly, I kept my relationship and gaming time well-balanced.
If you feel like spending significantly MORE time gaming than being with your significant other, then take a step back and decide whether one or the other is really worth it. I'd choose the gal, myself.
I've been fortunate enough to have a girlfriend who will accompany me to LAN parties and put up some respectable numbers on the fragboard.
Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other)
How about limiting your playing time each day to something you both agree on, and then spend your non-playing time together. You definitely need your free time away from your SI, everyone does, so just use it to play the game. It sounds like you may have a problem when you say "want to play all the time". Just do it in moderation.
What are they talking about? I've built plenty of meaningful relationships in the Sims!
Click for offensive t-sh
The secret is to find something they like playing. It won't neccessarily be obvious either.
My wife turned her nose up at the cute fluffy games that I thought she would like. At first blush I thought perhaps computer games were not going to be something she would like. Then she saw me playing Quake3 Arena one day and has become quite adept at it.
Most importantly is to talk about your game playing habits. Find out why it is a problem for them. This will prevent countless hours of arguing and pouting (on both parts!).
If the problem is "just" because your chores are suffering, then the solution may be as easy as finishing your chores quicker; not finding a game for her so you can say "You play too!".
Video meliora proboque deteriora sequor - Ovidius
Just play the game, man. Jeez, who the hell wears the pants in *your* relationship?
I think I speak for a collective 47.6% of all slashdotters when I say... WHA-PSSSH!!!
'When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.' -HST
We did get in a fight one night, though, when I called her Aeris . . . .
</bitterness>
Seriously, you just need to budget your time. A few games, then some time together doing whatever, then another game.
Or you can always just wait until she goes to bed to start playing.
This is slashdot, it is most definitely implied that your "significant other" is virtual/not real, so just close the program or put it back in the closet. Problem solved.
--"The perfect example of the man of action is the suicide." - William Carlos Williams
In general, you don't want to make your girlfriend feel like she's 2nd place. For example, don't go straight to the computer after getting home. Sit down, chat with her, let the day kinda die down before going to a game. This alone will make a much bigger difference than simply cutting back the number of hours involved. Sadly I found this out the hard way once.
A little over a year ago, my wife and I had a baby. She takes up the majority of my time now, but my wife and I made an agreement that we'd each get one night a week to ourselves. I typically play EQ (yes still addicted after 4 and 1/2 years) on my night, and she plays Quake 3 on hers.
Even with other things: I hate doing laundry, and she hates to cook. So I cook and she does the laundry (mostly because I'm a much better cook though).
It is all about compromise, but as long as you can both come to an agreement that works it would be an issue.
-i
After having over a year of my life sucked into Ultima Online I can tell you from experience that you want to stay away from the MMORPG genre.
These games are specifically designed to maximise addiction and require as much of your time as is possible. They are designed to make it impossible to just sit down for 15 minutes and have a fun little game.
There is a whole world out there with actual real things that games only exist to simulate. Computer games are great while they are augmenting your real life. They are good for a little off time every now and then.
When you reach a point where your wife/girlfriend/whatever feels neglected because of a video game, you need to question your priorities. Perhaps the proper question isn't how to get her off your back, but rather, is this game worth the time I am spending?
First, don't get addicted to too many games. I will only buy the very best games out there then go a couple months in between them once finished.
Second, arrange times that you are going to play a couple days in advance so you can warn significant other. Set a time limit like 2 hours or so. You will always run over the time limit, so you should aim toward the lower end of the spectrum that you really want to play for.
Third, it is ok to play once significant other has fallen asleep, but never...I repeat...NEVER let her go to bed by herself. If you do you are just asking for it. Now if you can pull off the cuddle for awhile bit until she is asleep and then get up and play you may get away with it, but that laying down till fall asleep time seems to be very important to women.
This has worked for me. I must admit that I don't play as much as I used to, but that is probably for the best. Just remember to spend at least as much time as you plan on playing with your significant other. I don't mean sitting in front of the tube time, but realy quality time. Also let them know you are going to play, so it does not come as a suprise.
One of the bonuses of City of Heroes is the lack of EQ or DAoC-style timesinks.
You don't have to level your character before leveling your clothes. You don't have to camp a spawn for seven hours. You don't have to do ML10.
The game is perfectly able to be played an hour or two at a time. In fact, it caters to casual gaming. If you're spending so much time playing City of Heroes that your girlfriend is getting pissed, there's probably a good reason.
A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.
Several recent reports have come out noting the rise of female participation in MMUG's, I seem to remember Everquest being mentioned but I am not sure of the particulars. Anyways, there is a lot of growth in this area. While you did mention she is not into computer games, perhaps one avenue you want to explore is finding games that are popular with women and trying to introduce her to games that way.
Notice of full disclosure: I broke up with one girlfriend after the release of Warcraft II for the Mac, it was just such a cool game and she really did talk too much while I was TRYING TO DESTROY THE PUNY HUMANS.
M
As a recent newlywed (ok it's almost 1 year..:)), I would suggest talking it out with the SO. In counseling classes, they caught us that communication is the best way to solve a dispute. Ask your SO to voice her issue, such as "Your is making me feel . What can we do about it?" The importance is keeping the chain of communication open, otherwise your relationship is doomed.
Try writing this down on a sheet of paper, suggest possible solutions, and apply a strict timeline for implementation. This "contract" gives you distinct goals, for instance in your case you could suggest that gaming will occur on Sundays and Tuesdays, while the rest of the time is hers. It will provide you an amicable way to solve your SO problems, while showing to her that you are dedicated to the relationship and willing to adjust to her needs. However, remember you can do the same back if she has any annoying habits. I should probably sit down with my wife about the rinsing of dishes.... Anyways, as the guy married for 15 years said, it's all about sacrifices.
I play Desert Combat, and let me tell you I don't play nearly as much as I wish I could :). However, sometimes it is better to sit down and talk about what happened in the paper than risk the wrath of your SO being angry :).
Good luck!!! Good luck!I put my "office" with my gameing gear in the living room where my gf watches excessive amounts of Friends, Sex and the City, et al. So now "together time" means she's watching TV without me gripeing and me playing without her gripeing. Yay. -KS
We made $2.15 per hour. Operators would wait for someone to call to have a disk changed, and we would mechanically change the disk and run the predecessors of fsck (icheck, ncheck, dcheck, etc.). The systems ran Version 6 Unix, and there were two VAXes which ran 4BSD.
There were several ways to entertain yourself while waiting for a call to do something. You could do your homework. You could try to learn more about Unix and C, which they didn't teach in the college because they had little practical application at the time in the eyes of the CS department. Or you could play rogue, an interactive computer game that ran with really primitive graphics on the VT100 terminal.
Most of my colleauges chose to play rogue. I read the Unix and C documentation, which was only one book and about a foot of papers at the time. I had some computer programming experience, including assembler, but no formal classes in programming, as I was a communication arts student. But once I had read all of the available literature on Unix and C, I was able to get a job as an assistant systems programmer and start moving up in the lab. That eventually got me to Pixar.
The folks who played rogue? They did OK, I guess. But I think they would have done much better if they'd taken the opportunity as seriously as I did.
Look around. There is probably something to do that would be much more important, and eventually more fun, than the game-playing. You only get one life. Start living it.
Bruce
Bruce Perens.
I met my girlfriend 2.5 years ago, at that point she was using her computer only to send some emails, browse some sites and do stuff for school/work.
Now she owns a casemodded computer including a pretty state-of-the-art videocard and simular soundsystem and tft monitoy. When she is at my place in the weekends she brings her rig with her and we play lot's of lan-games together. And she also goes with me to a monthly lan party.
It's all a question of training my friend.. training....
Life starts at the end of your comfort zone.
but this question is just sad. CHERISH AND APPRECIATE EVERY MOMENT with your significant other. He/She doesn't have to sit there and put up with your quirks and intricacies. They aren't required to deal with you ignoring them in favor of a video game. They aren't there to be there when its convenient for you. You will get much more out of a healthy, loving relationship than you ever will from a bunch of hours sunk uselessly into gaming. Seriously think about this question and you will realize the answer is "Holy shit, I'm actually weighing my life partner against a video game! how incredibly selfish self-centered and utterly shallow of me!"
Its no wonder geeks are lonely. They have no interpersonal skills. Not that I'm so much better, I really screwed up my last relationship via 'harmless' personal time to dawdle and hack together various computer bits, only realzing too late that I could have spent that time on picnics or walks through the park or taking in a good movie or discussing a book or learning something about my ex that I didn't know before.
I'll say it again: CHERISH AND APPRECIATE EVERY MOMENT with your significant other. They are choosing to be with you and if you continue to debase them by ignoring them for video games, you'll get what you deserve: a broken heart and a bunch of uncaring unfeeling pixels staring back at you in your emptiness.
*bedeebedeebedeebedeebeep*
He: (boom, zzzot, blam) HELLO?
She: Hi, hon-hey, what's that in the background?
He: (boom, *boooOoom*) (whispering) dudes, turn it down or put on some pr0n or something, quick! -- NOTHING, HOney!
She: Don't you lie to me...
He: (ooooh, baby, come back to bed nooowww...) Look, I know I'm on a business trip, this sorta thing happens.
She: Don't you LIE to me, you worthless bastard!
He: (slurp, groan) Sometimes these things happen, I'll make it up to you, honest!
She: BULLSHIT! You're not ON a business trip! You're not even in a HOTEL ROOM with some CHEAP FLOOZIE!
He: Bu-but, I can exp-
She: You're at one of those FUCKING LAN PARTIES AGAIN, AREN'T YOU?*click*
nah. why all those guys are saying to stop playing games? This is crazy. You must simply find a game that your beloved likes.
:)
..but since our daughter was born, we don't play that much as previously.
My wife said she will never play adom, because she doesn't play games at all (except for glines). Few months later she plays adom more than me. Isn't it all easy? Just find a game that is addictive enough and you have won!
#
#\ @ ? Colonize Mars
#
Depends on what "cut back" means. If cut back means going from playing many hours a night, every night, to playing a few hours a week, I agree. However if cutting back means going from playing a few hours a week to nothing, then I think it's time to have a talk with the SO and maybe break up.
Why? Well, as you said, relationships are give and take. Pat of that is both of you need time to do things that YOU enjoy, even if the other does not. Those should, of course, be limited, but people need time for their own fun even in a commited relationship. If your SO can't handle that, you probably are in an unhealthy relationship.
I know far too many people, mean and women, where their life is all about what the other person wants. If the SO doesn't like it, it has to go entirely. If the SO want to do it, then they do. Not a healthy way to be.
So if a woman wants you to cut back your gaming to not be the dominant activity in your life, that's a good thing. If she wants you to cut it out entirely, that's not and you need to talk about it.
Really, this comes down to personal space. IMO a relationship isn't really all that healthy if you can't spend a certain amount of time alone without one or the other of you becoming unhappy. Women just need to realize that at certain times in a guy's life she is going to have to share top-priority, or even be runner-up for a short while. In other words:
Attention to all women: Guys fixate on stupid crap once in a while. Let us burn ourselves out on it and we will always come back to you happier and perhaps smarter.
The meek shall inherit the earth, in 3 by 6 plots. - Lazerus Long
A couple ideas. Have you thought of inviting her to join you? You didn't say if she dislikes video games, or just dislikes you spending so much time playing them. If that's not an option, cutting back on your game-time might be the only option. Work out an agreement like you can spend two nights a week gaming if you take her out two nights a week.
Imagine a beowulf cluster of significant others.
Or you can try to bring them over to the dark side...
I must confess... I've tried it with my wife, but thus far have had no luck. Back in the day she was a relentless MUD'er, but now doesn't seem to have any interest in computer games whatsoever (I feel like Luke trying to drag Vader back to the Light side of the force... "there is good in him... I have felt it").
Still, sacrifices are what makes a relationship work. She's intelligent, beautiful, funny, a good cook, a great mom, and makes more money than I do. Her only flaw seems to be that she married far beneath her station... a flaw for which I am eternally thankful.
I'd give up the games for her... but she'd never force me to do that... give-and-take is a beautiful thing.
I agree with the parent poster... you don't end a relationship for a lousy video game... I don't care how 1337 it is.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
Chances that you can offer her a substitute when she actually wants attention from you are not good. Chances that there will be times when she's checking email/websurfing on another machince, reading books, on the phone, watching TV, doing things with her friends (not sure what the modern, not-old-people equivalent of the bridge club is) are usually pretty high. I've had moderate luck playing games that can be picked up and put down easily while the girlfriend stops to smell the proverbial flowers (hm... providing actual flowers might work too).
The downside is that this method is better suited for single player games than cooperative play for obvious reasons. Coordinating schedules makes things more difficult. Of course, these things are all relative. Most reasonable girls would understand one games night a week and most would feel neglected if you wanted to play several hours a night, but YMMV. (Unfortunately, CoH's $15 monthly use it or lose it access makes infrequent gaming a terrible value - this is the reason I won't touch the game.)
All that said, your question sort of misses the point. Time is the only limited resource that you can't get more of. If you want to spend your time one way and your girlfriend wants to spend it another, ultimately one of you is going to get what you want and one is going to have to settle for something else. In a good, healthy relationship the two of you are going to do your best to try and accomodate each other's wants equally, but at the end of the day you DO need to choose one or the other. (Unsolicited relationship advice: In the absence of any other information, my opinion is that if you have to think about it too hard, you're not with the right girl.)
it's simple. your woman, and even your life, can be viewed as a game. instead of working hard to score in a game, work hard to score with your woman... instead of exploring levels of some fake world, figure out what places you can take your woman to in the real world that get her in the mood. figure out how to get her to do x and y things that she would never think of doing.
making your woman happy and the resultant behaviors she will perform for you are infinitely more rewarding than any intangible, fictional reward a game might offer
trust me, evolution has made women the most challenging and addictive game ever, there's just a steep learning curve.
Try getting the SO involved in the game with you. That's what they want, you know, more time with you. I did that with my wife, she plays Doom and all the stuff that will run on our crappy machine. She keeps harping about wanting a Gamecube now... You can bring the SO with you to LAN parties, you can be together doing something fun. Nothing wrong with that at all, and remember the statistic that most online gamers now are females over 40 (or something like that.) So there's no reason not to try. I don't think there's anyone who doesn't like a good videogame. Spouses or girl-/boy-friends are no exception.
The biggest problem for gaming (particularly with games like this or EverQuest aka EverCrack) is the obsession level. It is very easy to "forget" about important occasions or promises in the effort to finish a particular quest. It is also easy to be so social during this period that your time with your SO is spent wanting some solo, quiet time -- the exact opposite of what is needed.
/. readers).
The real question is which do you value more - your SO or your game. If you value your relationship, you can plan "poker nights" -- several hours scheduled in advance for your gaming -- then balance these with "couple nights" -- an equivalent number of hours of activities you enjoy sharing as a couple (sleeping together does not count). If you don't value your relationship, then the problem existed prior to the game and the gaming is simply making it stand out. In this case, the SO may have to take a walk -- leaving you the position of being a gamer who can't maintain a relationship (the supposed M.O. of most
I was taking one day at a time, but then several days got together and ambushed me. (from a Rhymes with Orange comic)
I had this problem at first too. My SO didn't seem interested in any of the games I liked so I catered to her and asked what type of game she would like to play if she had too. The next day I went and bought Star Wars Knights of the old republic. After she got hooked and finished that game ( before I did I might ad ) she was more open minded to all other types of games. Now I think she plays more then I do.
So I have two suggestions: either cut back on the gaming a bit - for example, set aside certain nights to not play - or tell me your username and what server are you are on. I'll tell my wife, you guys can hang out together online, and I'll take your SO to a movie.
Everyone knows that damage is done to the soul by bad motion pictures. -Pope Pius XI
...why not try City of Heroes, or some other multiplayer game that your SO might enjoy. I know my SO used to get bored when I'd pour hours into Final Fantasy X, but after a while, she realized it was fun to watch. Then she realized it was fun to discuss possible strategies. Then she realized it was fun to tell me what strategies to use. Then she took over my game. Anyway, all this was only after she had finished her own game that I had bought for her (Champions of Norath). The lesson I learned? Make gaming and spending time with your SO non-mutually-exclusive. Don't assume that she likes games with cute animals, get her to try Baldur's Gate and the like. Then sit there and watch her play it. Unlike us, a lot of the time women can play video games and carry on a conversation. Then, later, when you're playing some games, she will be much less inclined to demand you shut it off. She'll just sit down with you and assume that you're also able to carry on a conversation (good luck, there).
"Now gluttony and exploitation serves eight!" - TV's Frank
When I got married my video game playing died down quite a bit and I missed it. Then we had two kids and my video game time went to nothing, but I don't care. Instead of playing with my friends in UT, I play legos with my kids, or play tickle-monster, and other fun games.
Now I look forward to when they're old enough to school me in the latest FPS. Then I expect video games to start sneaking their way back in to my life. Some of my earliest memories of video games are playing with my Dad... and how he was the best gamer in the world, no one could beat him.
I can't wait to introduce them to the games I grew up with. I hope they enjoy playing them with me as much as I enjoyed playing them with my Dad.
You have a Kid old enough to play them with you! Then she won't even give you a second glance, she'll be so happy to have "a father who wants to spend time with his kid", ie, get some sleep herself!
SJW: a person who perceives an injustice, and while correcting it, commits a greater injustice.
Not so long ago, I went to a LAN Party and watched an acquaintance of mine sit through the entire thing playing "There" while the rest of enjoyed "real" games. Honestly, I couldn't believe he even bothered coming to the LAN in the first place.
After a while, he went on about how cool it was and showed us all his "flirting" with his "online wife". Knowing that he was married with a newborn child, I asked him, "What does your REAL wife think about all this?" He replied, "She does it TOO!".
I gulped and listened to him ramble on about the fact that his REAL wife was even planning to go meet her ONLINE HUSBAND. Obviously the guy had serious marital problems burgeoning, but he was alas unaware. I'm sure that by now he's either divorced or practicing online swinging (shudders)
Geeks all have this problem with balancing computer time vs. their relationships. It's hard, but that's why I end up staying awake into the wee hours of the night. Also, another rule: Play games you know you can put down. This is why LAN parties are good ... you go, play all night, and then it's out of your system (hopefully). Elsewise, join "Gamer's Anonymous" and realize that you're no different than a Crack Smoker.
I wrote an article in Issue 168 of ZZZ Online about some of this that may be of interest.
Video games don't whine (well, good ones). Video games don't call you at work and DEMAND you spend more time with them. Video games don't pull stupid dramatic stunts that even high schoolers would laugh at to get you to pay attention to them. Video games demand time and money, sure, but they're not guilting you with WE NEVER GO OUT!!! and WE'RE GOING TO VISIT MY PSYCHOTIC MOTHER!!!. Video games do not withhold sex over something as stupid as showing up five minutes late.
In short, video games are better than a bad relationship by orders of magnitude. I'd rather play Daikatana than spend ten minutes with my ex. Yeah, relationships are a give and take thing, but when you're doing all the giving and SheBitch, Queen of the Universe is doing all of the taking, well.... fuck that noise. GTA calls.
A good relationship, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Bad relationships drive me to video games. Good ones leave me with little inclination to pick up the control pad.
This is actually a current problem of my current SO (and avid slashdotter) with Ragnarok Online. Don't get me wrong, I am such a gaming chick. I've been known to spend long periods of time glued to my laptop til the wee hours of the morning. However, he plays during the day while I'm at work, then wants to play all night as well. It's a &*^%@&^%& battle to tear him away from the computer to do something other than slay anime monsters. It won't do anything to seriously jeopardize our relationship, but damn, it's annoying. I work for sometimes 10 hours days staring at a computer.. do I really want to drive an hour home, then stare at a computer RIGHT away til 5am? Not likely. And a previous poster then said making your girlfriend feel like 2nd place is bad.. they were dead-on. Compromise with her. Watch a girlie chick flick with her in exchange for some game time, or stay with her til she falls asleep, play for a bit, then return and sleep yourself. If she really knows you and your geeky gaming addicition, she can't get TOO mad.
I would say if you are having trouble limiting it, you may just need to cut it out all together. I had tried to balance school and gaming for a long time, and was never very successful at it. If a new game came out I was super interested in I would lose all control, and begin making bad grade again. After flunking a statistics midterm (which I hardly studied for) I finally decided that I just couldn't consitantly control myself, and so I just stopped playing. One of the things that helped is that I realized that games are just a time sink. You don't learn anything from them, better yourself in any way, or create anything of value. For all intents and purposes, you might as well not exist when you are playing games. When I really thought about it I decided I wasn't happy with spending all the free time I had (and some time I didn't have) doing something that had no results or meaning, other than taking time away from what should be my real priorities. I do miss gaming a lot. I'll read about new games comming out and want to play them, but I at least have the self control not to give into it. The upside is that it's given me a lot of time to focus winning the game of life, and I do stuff now that I didn't before, like work out and socialize more. Overall I'm just as happy as I was then, and I'm sure that will increase as the time I spend improving myself pays off.
As funny as this sounds my girlfriend plays more games then I do so normally it is me getting the controller/keyboard away from her so I can play.
;) That always seems to help.
After we play for a couple of hours we settle down have dinner maybe watch a little Slayers.
Thankfully though I haven't had to deal with an overly addictive game since I started dating again. I guess my solution would just be introduce her and get her hooked
Huh? Has anyone actually tried this? I mean, unlike Leisure Suit Larry, the game you describe may have better graphics, but the gameplay itself is as boring as the Sims, and the speed-up key can only be used once a day, and in an astonishing display of programmer ignorance, the speed-up key only works at night when you're trying to game! At least the Sims design team got that part right -- you want to fast-forward during the day when you're at work and nobody's home!
> instead of exploring levels of some fake world, figure out what places you can take your woman to in the real world that get her in the mood. figure out how to get her to do x and y things that she would never think of doing.
And the list of defects goes on. Like, there's no fucking save/restore feature either! I mean, you spend six weeks of game time setting up a surprise menage-a-trois with you, your girlfriend and just *one* lousy goat, and if the persuade roll fails, all you can do is pull out the old .45 and restart.
No way, man, "RL" is teh suck. I wouldn't even warez it.
I'm right in the middle of the exact same situation.
..."
:)
For those of you who think compromise is out of the question... well, there's always going to be at least a little compromise.
If the girl is living with you, the only thing you can do is play late, late into the night and forego sleep entirely.
BUT...
If she's NOT living with you, there's some things you can do to maximize game time, and minimize relationship stress:
MAKING TIME
-----------
* Say "I'm concerned that you're not having enough fun on your own, away from me. You should really go out with your friends tonight. I don't mind, really."
* Pretend you have something really man-oriented and boring that you have to do, that she hates. Such as: Buying stuff for work at the electronics store, taking the car in for service, helping a friend fix his car, or building a spice rack for her. She'll leave on her own. Be sure to buy a spice rack in advance.
* If you play online games, try to get a friend to "prep" your account before you play to maximize your in-game time doing what you want to do (and not reequipping, etc.)
* Determine the minimum number of hours you can sleep. Obvious.
* Eliminate all of your friends and other unnecessary distractions.
* Buy the fastest motorcycle you can get. They're cheap and great on gas. This minimizes commuting time. Also, move closer to work.
* Buy groceries online. Shopping is a horrible timekiller. Buy foods that can be prepared quickly.
* Hire a maid if you can afford it for the cleaning.
* For the remaining chores: Many guys do chores and other boring stuff after the girl leaves. Screw that. Get that stuff out of the way while she's still there. When she leaves, you're not doing dishes/laundry, you're gaming!
* Feed her turkey and insist that you really want to see that three hour Senate lecture on CSPAN. When she falls asleep, game time!
* Find out the latest possible reservation you can make at a nice restaurant. Say, 8:30pm. Around 5:00pm, say, "I've got reservations to a great place. You'll love it. But I need to finish this. Don't worry, we have time." Works well. When she harasses you about it, say "soon... soon..." Easily stretchable to 3 hours.
GUILTING FOR TIME
-----------------
* I have actually used this line, and it has worked. "Babe, if I don't get at least 3 hours of gaming each day, I get really cranky. I don't want to take that out on you." It actually worked, she occasionally just says "why don't you go play your game for a while."
* Explain that since you dumped all your friends (for her of course), that your online buddies are "your real friends, who I've known for years. It's the same as if a friend asked me to go bowling or something, you can't ask me to cut them off. Besides, I promised earlier I'd help my friend learn
* Hooking the girl on her own game doesn't work. Period. If they're already a gamer, you probably don't have too much of a problem, assuming they like to play what you play, which is very unlikely. Such toys only hold their interest so long (usually a few minutes) to non-gamers. However, girls LOVE to chat. You may have luck hooking her into your buddies via IRC. She's somewhat "involved" with what you're doing, lessening the problem, yet, she's not gaming.
EXCUSES
-------
* Anytime she wakes up and says "why are you playing that again", three magical words: I COULDN'T SLEEP.
* Seeing a doctor to help keep up the insomnia charade is quite effective.
* My friend called before you arrived/woke up and asked me to help him with something really fast. It'll just be a few minutes.
* "A few minutes always turns into an hour on the computer babe!"
* "I just logged into to check something real quick, and my buddy desparately needed my help. I can't let him down! It'll just be a few minutes."
All of this stuff should get you an average of 3 hours of gaming per day. If you need more than that, you need to dump the girl.
# Erik
You admit you're addicted, that you want to play this game all the time, but the girlfriend is the problem?! Where's Dr. Phil?
Slashdot: Failed Car Analogies. Amateur Lawyering. Anecdote Battles.
Just get Animal Crossing for the Gamecube. It's the game to get if you have a female SO who doesn't play games, most women love it. It worked for me.
"Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door." - Emily Dickinson
Of course, I'm not blowing 20 hours a week on video games, I'm spending it in the myriad stages of graphic novel production. Time for it has to come from somewhere- out went video games, out went movies. I do those when I'm too burned out from writing, pencilling, inking, coloring to do anything else.
Oh yeah, and there's the day job. Combine that with the graphic novel and I have about six hours of free time a week. Broke up with the girl I was dating the week I started the project in earnest. I told her I had finally started work on the thing- which I have been planning since 1994- and her response wasn't "sweet!" or "nice!" or "it's good that you're starting to realize your dreams!", it was "I'M NOT TAKING A BACK SEAT TO SOME STUPID WEBCOMIC!"
And so, quite suddenly, she wasn't.
When I'm 40, my memories of my mid twenties will be a haze of production striving to pull together a story that has been taking shape in my head for ten years. I will have ACCOMPLISHED something, rather than suffering the tyranny of an ice queen who wanted my creative energies for herself.
Fortunately, the woman I'm half-dating now understands exactly where I'm coming from (she's a writer)- and has caught more than a few typos.
If you have to sacrifice something you love, then it's pretty obvious that there's a more compatible girl out there.
Your best bet is to schedule time once or twice a week to play with your friends. Try doing it the same day every week like Tuesdays and Thursdays. Spend the rest of your time with your SO.
If that doesn't work, smother your SO with kindness and follow her around constantly. Eventually she'll ask you to go away. Then you can play your VG. We she complains, repeat the recipe.
GeneralKael -- Slacker Extraordinaire
Why do i continuously see the argument, which equates gaming to being "non-adult" This is just plane bullshit and denotes the proponent of such as being small minded.
Thanks for the insult, but you aren't paying attention. I didn't say gaming was immature, I said compulsive "all the time" gaming is. I play video games. Where maturity comes in is realizing that you can't just play around all the time, whether it be video games or any other pastime.
I personally spend a lot of time playing Magic: The Gathering Online and at the same time, have a SO as well.
I find that in the long run, the SO is much more important to me than any game will ever be, no matter how powerful/how much money/how much time I spend playing it.
A game should be just that, a game.
I think when you find a game or virtual activity getting in the way of real life friendships (let alone relationships), you probably have an addiction problem.
Finding video games more amusing than your partner is indicative of a problem. This is true of anything though, not just video games. The solution is not to distract her with games (unless the problem is that she's just bored, and not specifically craving more of your time) but to find out what the root problem is, and solve it.
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
Seriously, you need a better girlfriend.
Of course there needs to be a balance between time you spend with your friends doing fun stuff and time spent with your SO doing fun stuff, but it shouldn't take an enormous amount of effort to balance. It should come naturally, and when possible, the two worlds should overlap.
If gaming is important to you, than you need to find a girlfriend who enjoys gaming, too, and will join you. This is important, because later on, when you're married, this will cause problems. She could expect you to "grow up" and stop doing "childish" things.
An IT manager showed some obvious interest in me. I decided to pursue this for at least a friendship, because I can always use another gaming friend and movie buff to hang with. I later find out he thinks I'm perfect and never imagined a girl like me could exist. I'm a geeky hot chick who shares all his interests. He makes it obvious he wants more from me.
I THEN find out the guy is married! Turns out he's so smitten he was actually considering having an affair. Of course I put a stop to that dream.
My whole point is, the guy had no concept that a woman like me existed, so instead he settled for a nice woman who put up with him and lets him get laid every once and awhile. Obviously, he isn't happy with this, and his mind is wondering to other, seemingly better prospects.
If the girl you are with cannot handle your hobbies, and refuses to join you with your hobbies, than you are with the wrong woman for you. There is someone better out there.
(You may need to wait 10+ years before you can find her, but she's out there)
Cut back on the gaming. One of the reasons I recently left my SO was because of her non-stop LARP'ing. (Oh, and the LARP'ers she fucked, off course.)
Anyways, don't patronize the SO with Zoo Tycoon. From my experience, girls are not all for that cutsey-wutsey stuff we think they are. They like to smash baddies and monsters with a giant sword just like the rest of us. And also, they like the social aspects of such games. So my advice is: cut back on gaming before she blows your non-gaming buddy, and test her on EQ, DAoC and the like...
(Hey, YOU asked...)
This write up doesn't quite describe my life, but close enough. I have been married now for over 5 years and my wife has just told me that she is going to leave me. We have a child that is two years old, and this turn of events is tearing me up inside. I love her very much, but she tells me that I am emotionally distant.
I work really hard, and I guess when I came home my mind was somewhere else. She wanted to do things together when I just was spent and tired. I wasn't into her hobbies, and she didn't care for mine. I did always ask her though before if she was happy, and she always said yes. I resolved to never touch the computer again when she was in the house, and I broke the CD of the game that I would play. We are getting counseling, but she pretty much said she doesn't care what I do, she is out of here.
I remembered when I was a kid I would always seek out a quiet corner away from my large family to be by myself. That doesn't work well when you are married. I am in the middle of changing my entire life, and it isn't comfortable. Find out "why" you like computer games. If it is because you like to avoid people then you have a real problem, and get counseling. I know many people like CS clans, but still games eat up SO MUCH TIME. Spend it with real people.
My advice? Don't use computer games as a substitute for real relationships. Not when you are a teen, not when you are an adult. They aren't good for anything except wasting time. The web is only slightly better than games. It is hard to make real relationships with real people, and they can hurt at times, but they are much much more fulfilling.
There's going to be a rift, there just is. The trick is to manage it according to your core values.
.02, and so on. We play these characters until he logs off at 11:30 or 12, and I might log off then and I might play my own solo Controller, Phritz, until 1 am.
(I've been married 18 years and counting, so my solution may or may not be germane to your situation.)
Here's what I did. I'm co-founder of a City of Heroes SuperGroup called the Spandex Avengers on the Infinity server. My parter-in-crime, Chump, is single and freely admits that he has no life. I have a wife, two kids, two dogs, two cats, and too many things to juggle to even hope to keep up with Chump. We looked at this early on and came up with a solution: multiple characters.
My buddy gets home and hops online at 4:30 pm CDT. He may or may not eat. He plays his primary character and either soloes or finds team-mates and levels up his character.
I get home around 6:30. I make dinner and do the dishes while listening to my son read to me and ask homework questions. If I'm grilling or baking something that doesn't require supervision, we'll go outside and shoot some hoops or throw the ball around. We sit down and eat and then I finish helping him with his homework. We're all finished with family stuff by 8:30, at which point my wife sits down in the Living Room to do crafts while watching TV. I sit down at my gaming rig in the Dining Room, don my headset mic, and log on to TeamSpeak and CoH. I'm close enough to my wife for her to get my attention and far enough that I'm not afflicted by TV and she's not afflicted by my games.
Chump logs off his main character and we grab our team characters based on a second, themed SuperGroup, TK421 (why aren't you at your post?). He's TK421.01, I'm
By playing two characters, we allow for times when he's playing twice the hours that I am while allowing us to keep a second character at roughly equal levels, thus preserving the experience.
It's possible to play an addictive game and maintain a relationship, but it takes a very solid understanding of all the variables. This arrangement works for me - ymmv.
Regards,
Phritz / TK421.02
Get a life. A real one. Your own. Not the pretend game life. Real World.
When you are old and gray, or when the game loses its luster, you will want the woman in your life to still be interested in you, not some other guy.
I think you need to evaluate your priorities for life. Choose instant gratification (the game) or long term comfort and satisfaction (the woman, with a little luck and a little more effort.)
Gah! Slashdot.
there are 3 kinds of people:
* those who can count
* those who can't
From my own personal experience, I once had a girlfriend who left her previous boyfriend because he spent far too much time playing games and too little time paying attention to her. A relationship means committment (at least a mature one does), and it means that both of you have to be in it together and spend a lot of free time together. That's sort of the point. If you're spending all of your free time playing games online instead of with her, then that pretty much is telling you something, isn't it -- you prefer gameplay over having a conversation or doing something with your SO.
Of course two people aren't going to spend all of their free time together and my wife doesn't particularly understand or care for my game playing (until I explained it to her in her terms, "Oh, it's like going shopping, but on the TV and you don't buy anything? Cool.")
I think a lot of geeks (guys especially) go through game-playing phases in their lives. I went through mine in my mid-20's. But I grew out of it, as the game was virtually the same thing every night and one night, I just realized it. Staying up til 3am playing just wasn't as fun anymore. So I went to bed and now play when I have some free time or feel like doing something different. It makes for a far better experience overall.
Typically when you're going through that game playing phase, being in a good, healthy relationship isn't always possible. The best thing to do is accept it, accept your priorities in your life right now, and either dump the SO or reduce the game playing to reasonable levels. Your choice.
It may have been said before, but...
The Sims has a huge female following and possibly one of the biggest fanbases of any game. There is absolutely loads of user made content available on the internet - I know, my significant other has downloaded literally gigabytes (when compressed!) of it.
If you are suffering from bored-girlfriend syndrome introduce her to the sims (+ expansion packs) and notice the difference.
You are making it sound like all gamer girls play is Sims. Some of us play the same games boys do.
~ lilibat gamer geek goth girl
I come home eat dinner with my wife and my 4 yr old and 8 yr old son. Help with homework put the kids to bed interact with my wife then put her to bed, THEN I play my games. The best way it worked for me is that I play my games from about 9pm on (I am a night owl). :)
it helps if I get the dishes done too.
(three computers in the house and one in the garage!)
I can't use my sig - my computer can't read my handwriting.
Got girlfriend to play City of Heroes...
:)
She bought her own copy, now we play together.. everyone's happy.. I come home from work sometimes and she's already stuck in front of her computer, killing Clockworks....
--Less Thinkin', More Drinkin'...
Why not invite her to play along? My wife didn't even want me to buy Halo (gee, honey, why the hell did we buy an Xbox if you don't want Halo?) but we started playing in co-op mode and now it's her guilty pleasure. She's even started playing alone at difficutly level 3 (geeze, I've played enough that you'd think I could remember what the levels are called). The only problem is you can't save in co-op mode; you have to finish each level or you lose all progress. So sometimes we stay up way too late on weekends.
If all this should have a reason, we would be the last to know.
I use sex to make the girlfriend to sleep. ;-)
Then I can play all night long
Bruce
Bruce Perens.
2. Once your SO understands the games importance to you, agree upon a reasonable schedule for you to play and for him/her to do something s/he likes. If you spend 3 hours Tuesday night playing CH with your buds, then she can spend 3 hours at a spa, or at the mall, or out with the girls, or whatever else she wants.
3. Cut back on your other hobbies to compensate for the time you spend gaming. Just because you played CH for 5 hours straight doesn't mean you can now log out, start reading blogs, posting on /., or tinkering with your hardware. The time you spend away from you SO is lost regardless, so make it count and use it to its maximum.
4. Take time off from the game at least one day a week and go do something TOGETHER with your SO. What's going to last longer? City of Heroes or your relationship? Go for longevity.
I've been playing UO for nearly 7 years and an assortment of other games off and on. I'm fortunate that my wife enjoys playing computer games, too, so when she sits down to play, I can sit down and really play.
Balance is the key.
== Lots of gaming at work, lots of snuggling at home.
Wow, I should not post when knackered.
Ive been a gamer all my life, raised on Atari and NES. My Girlfriend hates gaming with a passion. But i wouldnt give it up, its my vice. Her solution to my gaming problem was an interesting one, now when i start playing a game she comes over and rubs her tits in my face and often times will start giving me oral sex to "distract" me from the game. Now how much better can you get then that, gaming with tits in the face and a blowjob, and yes im 100% serious!
i love to play games too. my favorite is currently silent hill or (my evergreen) worms.
but, if my boy-friend gets home i QUIT my game-session and spend time with him. i don`t do that because it's expected.i do that because i want to. i think this is the jumping point: it's a sign of attention.
of course your significant others are going mad if you spend the whole evening playing games.
perhaps your problems could be solved if you first talk about nonsens in which she`s interested and then play your lovely games? try it!
(sorry for my bad english)
Let me get this straight, you have a steady woman and you would rather spend your off time playing a computer game?
Assuming your SO is not a vengful Rosanne Barr - like cow your problem is NOT time management.
It is perspective and I don't mean the kind that can be improved from drawing classes.
Steve
-Lucas
i find it extremely funny that most of the posts, in fact, all of the ones i've read, come from the gamers, an none -- from the significant others the posts refer to
you will probably say that that's because SO's aren't geeks and don't read slashdot
well, you might be right, however then you're implying that the concepts of "geek" and "gamer" are being equated
can i not be a geek if i am not a gamer?
but, i'm getting slightly off topic...
i am that significant other who had to deal with the boyfriend-gamer...we went through many stages in our relationship (with respect to videogames): when i did not care at first, when it went way over the limits because every possible free-from-classes-and-work moment was dedicated to gaming, when we were on the edge of breaking up, when he stopped playing completely because he was afraid of ruining the relationship (i guess), to me pre-ordering Half Life 2 for his birthday
i don't know if i am ready to deal with the gaming issue completely: i don't care right now, but maybe i will later
i am afraid it will get out-of-hand as it once did
my major issue with gaming is how unreal and impersonal it seems to be...the most i could ever handle playing is tetris, for about 10 minutes, and then i would just get sick of it
and because i value personal interactions so much, i get very upset when my SO does not seem to do that as much as i do
i have high standards, and he knows about it
so, i was very glad that there are still gamers who, through getting to know their SOs better, start to value personal interactions over the "unreal" ones
A few things that have helped me out...
1. Make sure your gaming computer is in the same room as the TV. Whenever she turns on "American Idol", you can get in an hour of complaint-free play time.
2. Buy a Gamecube and every game with "Party" in the title (Mario Party 5, Warioware Party, etc...). This can turn gaming into a social activity which will help remove some of the negativity around the subject. (What female can resist the charm of the "Protect the cat" mini game on Warioware??)
I am a gaming chick and love playing Counterstrike. However I have a similar problem to the original poster. My boyfriend wants to spend all his time in the Garage tinkering with stuff. So we allocate time when he does his garage thing and I go do something else. That way we are both happy. Then later we talk about what we got up to in our own time eg. how many times he dropped hot solder on his foot etc. Some time apart is a good thing as it can get stifling if you are always together.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast... - AJ Rimmer
Have your wife find a hobby. If she games also, great! Otherwise when you get home from work talk with her about her day If your wife cooks, help her. If that means loading up the dishes and she's cool with just that, fine. Play your game for a couple of hours per night. Not every night. Limit your time spent gaming, make a schedule. She might want to read a book, go for a walk, whatever.
It's not like you have to spend ALL your free time with her, but she'll still like to know that you're there and that you think about her.
You might not be get a great score in Unreal Tournament 2004, but you'll win at the game that really matters.
there are some girls, me among them, that do enjoy a rousing game of command and conquer. i also had a level 40ish necromancer back in the day. i've got two full gaming workstations on my lan at home (which i built, thank you)--me and my SO play against 5 or 6 brutals til the wee hours of the morn. we find this much more entertaining than watching TV....nothing like destruction to get the blood circulating ;)
Frankly, I'm the only one in the house who ever finishes our games. My husband buys them, for the most part, but I'm the one who actually plays them all the way through. Personally, I can't stand The Sims - I'm up for just about anything else though. We met in-game, and we've played together consistently over the years - started in EQ, went to DAoC, now City of Heroes... and all the off-line games in-between. He can beat me on some of the fighting games (I still rule DOA though), and I kick his ass in strategy. I think, counting back, that I've actually been playing games longer than he has. My whole family played together (ok, minus my Mom) and so I think we got an early start on being able to balance games with life.
:)
Admittedly, it's not like you can expect whoever you fall for to have the same interests... so for the standard reality-check - make sure your girl's getting enough time, and that your gaming isn't taking away from your relationship... then Hero away. A couple other things to remember:
1) The game will be there when you go back. If life's calling, hang up on the game... so maybe you lose some exp, or you annoy your group - there are far worse things to lose than that.
2) Try to make sure that you're not losing time - telling someone you'll be home (or will meet them, pick them up, etc.) "in an hour" and coming home three hours later is being an ass no matter what you were doing. I used to be terrible about that.
3) Take care of your responsibilities out-of-game. The game is more likely to be the focus of anger for your partner if you're not doing your share of housework, food prep, dog feeding, all that stuff. (It also means that your gaming time is much less likely to be interrupted with timed demands to do chores.)
Good luck, and it is possible.
~ Leilah
Other then the two obvious solutions ...
Please, it should be "than" here, not "then."
Anyway, you should do what I do... save all the computer goofing around for work. It sounds like your fellow players are there already, and probably a nice LAN. Just blow a good 5 hours or so a day playing games, and put in a few hours of work. You'll get your gaming taken care of, and it'll be totally guilt-free, as you won't be taking time from the SO. Unless your SO happens to be your boss, of course.
"Would it kill you to put down the toilet seat?" -- Maya Angelou
I play Ultima Online and have been for 6 years. My fiance' plays too. Most weekends you find us pounding away on our keyboards adventuring together. Since our computers are in seperate rooms, it is not uncommon for us to talk to each other in-game.
I have been gaming for years and years, started on an Atari computer... anyone remember Qix? My first husband never understood the love of gaming. Now, much to his dismay, both his adult children are gamers. My son is more into the fighting games and my daughter, sadly, is addicted to Sims.
"Honey look at the cute bears"? No wonder she's pissed! Find her a game she really likes instead of insulting her intelligence and gender.
Karma, We don't need no stinkin' karma!
A man marries a woman and expects her never to change. She always does.
"
Had it occurred to you that throwing a bunch of women together who may have nothing in common other than the fact that their guys play games together and expecting the conversation to keep them riveted might not work?
To use a totally stereotypical example - exactly how happy would you be at the chance to sit around while your SO makes a quilt with a bunch of other people? Or scrapbooks? Or gardens? If you're not interested in what's going on, having other uninterested people there isn't going to make it any more fun.
If you want to bring them to the LAN party and keep them happy, provide some alternate form of entertainment for the folks that don't feel like watching/playing the games. Maybe a movie, maybe card games, board games, probably some decent food... but sitting around complaining about how their partners play games is only going to hold someone's interest for so long. Try to think about what they find interesting, too - just throwing something at them all without considering what they like most likely won't be successful either.
~ Leilah
All the Koei Dynasty Warriors games have interesting characters and plots, and at the same time are easy to pick up and play.
I got my wife totally hooked, now we play co-op all the time. Last time we went to the store, I casually noted that Samurai Warriors had just come out and she made me buy it. Yes, my wife MADE me buy a game. =)
I'd like a few more two-player coop games like them, with a similar play mechanic but different settings, for once we get sick of medieval Asia. I think my wife likes playing together on the same team best -- we've bought Jeopardy and some other board game adaptations, and rented a couple of games she wanted like Harry Potter, but none have captured her fancy quite like DW.
"There are some people who, if they don't know, you can't tell 'em." - Louie Armstrong
Knowing that I am easily addicted to games, I carefully addicted my future wife to UO back in 97. It was amazing how patient she was at building my virtual riches by spending hours*months mining. Now, some years later, she quit her job, takes care of the bills, and plays games all day while I work (at least thats how I like to tell it to this private slashdot croud). Not that I am complaining, I am just saying 'it works both ways', when it works.
Now I am just fairly afraid to say anything about her work habits for fear that she might become more interested in something more than paying bills and games.
Yes, its very sad, but we like it that way.
I think you underestimate just how much I just dont care.
In short, cue the, "Man, you don't know me!" à la trashy Springer-talk-show-style. heh. ;)
I let my girlfriend create a COH character and play it for a while...
...I'm getting way less sleep lately because instead of telling me it's time to go to bed, she stays up late playing with me. I guess I can learn to deal with that!
Then we ended up going to the store and buying her a copy of her own...
Her usual idea of computer gaming is Flash puzzle games and stuff. Now she plays COH more than I do (In fact, she's playing now, as I sit here posting on Slashdot).
I'm in danger of her SECONDARY character passing my primary's level... If that happens I'll never hear the end of it!
So try letting the SO create a character and mess around and see what happens.
I must warn you though, there can be a downside
Hey, here is a good solution to gaming in college. During the term, you promise your girlfriend no gaming and your free time, that way your studies and your relationships blossom, then during the summer you get it all out of your system with all your free time. Its worked for 3 summers now at MIT and our relationship is great... plus my gpa doesn't suffer. Goodluck and good gaming
Get your GF to play.
It doesn't matter how, take her through the char creation if you must. Chicks dig that. Thats how I got my SO into DAOC. Once she saw the cute little elf girl she just had to play. YMMV
If she ends up playing it she loves you. Otherwise, dump her she's not worth it lol.
Lousy facepalm.
Find her a game she really likes instead of insulting her intelligence and gender.
YES! I would be insulted if my boyfriend said something like that to me and actually meant it. Then I'd go play Halo to work off my aggression ;)
"Too much words" this early for me.
Why don't you try to get the girlfriends together for a girls' night out or something similar? Fund it the first time, and then less and less funding until they're doing things on their own.
You could try getting 'the girls' into some of the GameCube multiplayer games (Mario Party, Super Smash Brothers, Mystic Heroes, etc.), and they could have "game night" while "the boys" are playing.
Those are games that we play when we have friends over, and even our non-hardcore-gaming friends can get into beating each other up.
Luckily, I don't have this problem. My husband and I like the same types of games, especially the multi-player ones. We're both NOT PC gamers, both NOT FPS gamers, etc. Console gamers, both, usually GC, usually from the couch with the wavebird.
The other alternative is to curb your gaming some to spend time with the girly. Compromise some. Spend one night you'd normally game doing something nice with her. "Honey, I thought that we could go to a movie or dinner (or stay in with a video) instead of me gaming tonight." would probably do wonders. I'm not saying quit, just cut back a bit if you want to keep the girl.
No girl likes to be ignored, and it's easy (as a geek) to get tunnel vision. If you focus on the games too long, though, you'll have the game, and lose the girl without too much effort.
It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable. It's a lot wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.
actually i've found that you can read/program/game while your sigfig is on the fone with you, and STILL manage to do both well... just keep going uh-huh.. and keep an ear out for certain key words ("pregnant" is a major one) and just let it buzz past you. practice and you'll actually manage to get to the point where you can game and carry on a "significant" (at least to her it will be) convo with her at the same time.
Suchetha
learn from yesterday, plan for tomorrow, party tonight
or one out of three ain't bad
I solved this issue with my wife by being sneaky. I left out my gba sp with a certain game in it that happens to rhyme with hokemon. She is now so hooked, that I had to buy myself a new gba sp and am looking into getting a gc with coliseum on it.
Thing is, she is into horses. I do not ride - something about two bad experiences with horses. Therefore, normally I get to sit and watch her ride; watch the horse eat grass, etc... I just game then. I helped the owners hook up WIFI (with WPA thank you very much) all over their land. You can pick up a signal any were. Therefore, I do my gaming in the middle of a grass pasture watching a horse eat grass.
If you get a woman that wants all of you free time and will not give you any 'useless' gaming time, you need to sit her down and talk with her. It is your hobby. Point out her 'useless' hobbies that she drags you along on. Be honest but fair with her. If she still throws a fit, I would guess it would be time to start shopping for a new one.
In God we trust, all others require data.
I have gamed on/off most of my life, and wasn't really gaming much when I met my wife (although 6 months previous, I was on EverCrack). Last year for Xmas I wanted to get back into some video gaming systems on console... I did my regular homework to get up to speed on pros/cons of the platforms but took some other things into consideration.
I ended up getting a Nintendo Gamecube for a few reasons. My wife likes Mario Kart, so I got Double Dash and it's an instant gratification that's great for multi-player. The controllers are relatively small - my wife's hands are smaller, and it'll be good for when our son is old enough to play. Also, there's almost no connectivity - mainly considered a big con on the system but the upshot to me is that while I can play games I love (e.g. Metroid Prime) it's always where I left it when I shut it off and I don't miss anything.
There are also more games that aren't about gore - if you feel women don't tend to gravitate towards those games you can consider that a pro, but also there are plenty of games to balance out violent games when my son is playing it. Realistically he will see/play games that are bloody, whether at friend's house or on my GC, but at least this way there's some balance.
I also love the abundance of single-room (multiplayer maybe, but not online) strategy games so he can play games that involve persistence and concentration and actually develop that little noggin rather than just feeding it frags all the time. I can't wait to tell it's possible to beat Splinter Cell with 1 actual kill in the whole game.
The only thing more dangerous than a file named -rf is renaming it -rf\ /