Slashdot Mirror
Playing Games While Not Ruining Your Relationship?
Silicon Mike asks: "A nice sized group of us here at work recently picked up City of Heroes, and started playing together. While all of us were gamers to some extent, now we're all pretty addicted and want to play together online all the time. The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time. Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other) I'm wondering how other people have deal with it? I tried installing Zoo Tycoon on my other computer and saying 'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."
Or obvious solution #3... Regular /.'s don't have to worry about this "problem", so why ask me^H^Hthem?
Hmmm.
Sorry if it sounds harsh, but the solution IS obvious: Cut back on the gaming. Perhaps way back. In a healthy relationship, you and your SO will give each other time to pursue your own interests, and you'll both sacrifice some personal time for the other. You can't be a compulsive gamer and have a healthy relationship.
If you have to be gaming all the time, as you say, it's time to grow up. And if you can't just do a little, then maybe you should give it up all together.
I've been married 15 years, and it's largely because my wife and I both make sacrifices. There's no getting around it. I hope you work things out for the best.
'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite."
You're lucky, I'd have bitten your head off after a comment like that.
tsk tsk... bears? should've used bunnies. Always gets them.
I just spent more than a grand on a new box so I can play Doom3 when it comes out. I'm already having this issue with my wife and the game isn't even out yet. =)
Unless you find a woman who can handle you playing games like that most of the time while ignoring her, you're out of luck. Most women (I've found) like to be paid attention to.
:D
Besides, women are more fun to score with.
Have you asked your wife/husband if they would like to play or join the group you are so involved with? If not that group, how about setting up a parallel group that plays the same game?
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours. -- Hunter S. Thompson
They both cost money, but I'd have to go with getting rid of the games (I know, blasphemy).
When you're 60 years old and remembering the great times of your life, no ones going to say, "You know, I should have dumped that old broad and played more video games..."
| - | - |
The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time.
How could people this addicted have found the time or inclination to have pursued and won over significant others in the first place?
The coolest voice ever.
From past personal experience, if your significant other has a pre-existing interest in video games, then it shouldn't be too much of a problem to find a way to work this situation out. But for those involved with somebody who has no interest in games, you're probably fighting a losing battle and eventually one side is going to have to give.
If the two of you can't work out a comprimise (spoken or unspoken), then you really don't belong in a relationship with one another. Gaming isn't the only thing that's going to eat into your life in the next few years -- work, children, clubs, friends, PTAs, softball games, etc. will all potentially require some kind of balance if you're going to continue a workable relationship. So look at this as a test run.
Relationships are about cooperation -- they're about *not* just considering your own needs, but taking the other person into serious consideration. I used to play hours of Quake each day in college, but when we moved in together I realized I was ignoring her and I cut way the heck back. Now, I play where I have a chance; it's not a set schedule, just something we worked out (you can't live together without having time alone, IMO). I'll play some GTA while she reads or watches a chick flick on HBO. She understands it's something I enjoy, but I understand that I can't blow the unhealthy amount of time I used to on it. Welcome to adult life.
Anyhow, my girlfriend (er, fiance... gotta get used to that before the wedding) is more important to me than numbing my mind in front of the Xbox. If yours isn't, well, maybe it's time to cut her loose and pursue your real interests.
Weirdly, I actually found myself on the other side of this one back with Girlfriend 1.0; she started playing MUDs our freshman year of college and got absolutely addicted. Our three-year relationship went right into the crapper because she *obviously* preferred being in character in her little fantasy world to me (or reality in general for that matter -- she flunked out of school because she wasn't bothering with classes). I suppose that gave me a bit more empathy in terms of this situation...
Every year during my review, I just pray the words "slashdot.org" aren't mentioned.
Luckily my gf is into the *Tycoon and Sims games. she'll play on her computer while i play battlefield 1942 on mine.
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
As far as I know, the most successful way to get your SO to accept that you're addicted to a game is to get her/him to play that same game, too.
If it really is a good game, s/he'll be hooked and may even end up playing more than you do.
I had the exact same problem, and for me the choice between my relationship and gaming was fairly simple: do both.
:)
I was involved in a competitive gaming league which held matches once a week. Even though our team played in a fairly low bracket in the league, we still took the time to practice before we played our weekly match. It got to the point where I was investing a significant percentage of my free time gaming and it began to wear on my significant other.
Eventually I said to my team "hey guys, I can practice once or twice a week for X hours and play in our match." That worked out fine and I had a lot of fun playing. But more importantly, I kept my relationship and gaming time well-balanced.
If you feel like spending significantly MORE time gaming than being with your significant other, then take a step back and decide whether one or the other is really worth it. I'd choose the gal, myself.
I've been fortunate enough to have a girlfriend who will accompany me to LAN parties and put up some respectable numbers on the fragboard.
Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other)
How about limiting your playing time each day to something you both agree on, and then spend your non-playing time together. You definitely need your free time away from your SI, everyone does, so just use it to play the game. It sounds like you may have a problem when you say "want to play all the time". Just do it in moderation.
My girlfriend is more adicted to Diablo than I am.
she may not be as good as me but still...she is mor adicted...
--meh--
It's obvious that you have priority issues. If you favor a game over someone who dedicates a significant amount of her time/emotions to you then you might want to re-evaluate the direction that your life is heading to.
Is this "Stuff That Matters" or is Slashdot just running out of articles?
What are they talking about? I've built plenty of meaningful relationships in the Sims!
Click for offensive t-sh
The secret is to find something they like playing. It won't neccessarily be obvious either.
My wife turned her nose up at the cute fluffy games that I thought she would like. At first blush I thought perhaps computer games were not going to be something she would like. Then she saw me playing Quake3 Arena one day and has become quite adept at it.
Most importantly is to talk about your game playing habits. Find out why it is a problem for them. This will prevent countless hours of arguing and pouting (on both parts!).
If the problem is "just" because your chores are suffering, then the solution may be as easy as finishing your chores quicker; not finding a game for her so you can say "You play too!".
Video meliora proboque deteriora sequor - Ovidius
there's always the run for your frickin' life option, in which you tell her that you have a business trip somewhere, and then spend a weekend hepped up on coca-cola, pop-tarts, and pizza, sitting in front of your computer with your friends, an optical mouse, and a keyboard in a lan party in a cheap hotel room...
Just play the game, man. Jeez, who the hell wears the pants in *your* relationship?
I think I speak for a collective 47.6% of all slashdotters when I say... WHA-PSSSH!!!
'When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.' -HST
Being an Everquest junkie I know how this feels. But my solution was to slowly get my significant other to play EQ too. This solves the problem nicely.
We did get in a fight one night, though, when I called her Aeris . . . .
Dude, that's a good sign.
The next step in the beta testing process is to try her out on one of the Half-Life 2 demo videos. "Look honey! No more cute bears. Gibs that splatter across half the playfield when you whack the hanging torso with a crowbar."
If she sits there with her jaw dropped to the floor while a small puddle of drool forms on the desk, propose to her. If you hear words like "w00t!" or "cool!" or "whoa!", don't just propose, for fuck's sake, marry her!
Ree-la-tion-ship? What kind of crazy, moon-man language is that?
...keep playing! If this is even an issue, you are such a clueless loser that we don't want to even risk the chance that you will ever breed.
</bitterness>
Seriously, you just need to budget your time. A few games, then some time together doing whatever, then another game.
Or you can always just wait until she goes to bed to start playing.
This is slashdot, it is most definitely implied that your "significant other" is virtual/not real, so just close the program or put it back in the closet. Problem solved.
--"The perfect example of the man of action is the suicide." - William Carlos Williams
It's called compromise. You don't have to spend all your time w/the S.O. and you certainly don't have to spend all your time playing the damn game. The S.O. will have to understand and so will your gaming buddies.
Things don't have to be as black and white as "stop playing" or "dumping the S.O."
I geocache a lot. My user account includes my gf's name but she doesn't participate nearly as much as I do. She doesn't mind when I go out and do it as long as she gets some "her time" too. YMMV.
but if you have to ask this question, members of the opposite sex will probably appreciate it if you just stay the hell away. Women (I'm assuming this question is being asked by a guy) want and need lots of affection. Plants need water and sunlight. Women need (at the extreme minimum) food, compliments, conversation, touching/sex, and the occasional pair of shoes. If you aren't willing to provide these, then your relationship will resemble a plant left in a dry basement for a few months.
That's not saying that you can't have time with your friends, but RPGing and relationships just don't mix (unless she RPGs too).
Help save the critically endangered Blue Iguana
If you are honestly sacrificing most/all of your time with your significant other in order to play a video game then it would seem to me that your relationship was not that strong to begin with. You really should enjoy being in eachothers company more than it appears you do. Time to to have a serious talk with your spouse in my opinion.
Don't listen to people who tell you to stop playing, that's not what you asked for right? With my girl what worked was no one lives forever, she just loved Cate Archer, in fact she uses that nick to this day. But i believe it's not just the character, the game is really great, and also a FPS, not easy to get girls to like that genre.
My girlfriend likes to quilt. I can get in a good amount of gaming while she's quilting... Watch a movie snuggled up on the couch (complete with blanket comfy clothes and popcorn) with your woman every once in a while, that should cheer her up.
You're asking the /. crowd for advice on how to manage a relationship with another human being ???
Put down the controller and talk to the girl once in a while.
In general, you don't want to make your girlfriend feel like she's 2nd place. For example, don't go straight to the computer after getting home. Sit down, chat with her, let the day kinda die down before going to a game. This alone will make a much bigger difference than simply cutting back the number of hours involved. Sadly I found this out the hard way once.
If gamming is such a big part of your life, perhaps you made the wrong choice with a significant other. Go find a girl / boy friend who will game with you!
/.er's know, simply finding any sort of female who will tolerate more then a few minutes with them is hard enough :)
Of course, as all true
rejected (19) accepted (0)
Is there a psychological term related to getting your stories rejected on slashdot?
A little over a year ago, my wife and I had a baby. She takes up the majority of my time now, but my wife and I made an agreement that we'd each get one night a week to ourselves. I typically play EQ (yes still addicted after 4 and 1/2 years) on my night, and she plays Quake 3 on hers.
Even with other things: I hate doing laundry, and she hates to cook. So I cook and she does the laundry (mostly because I'm a much better cook though).
It is all about compromise, but as long as you can both come to an agreement that works it would be an issue.
-i
There's nothing like a little bit of blood guts and gore shared between partners.
My wife and I make a really good team. She's the mistress of plasma grenades. She lobs them in, then I go in and clean up what's left.
Very thereputic.
She's also starting to get a lot better at deathmatch, a 3 to 1 kill ratio is pretty good, and is a lot better than 15 to 1 when she first started out.
There is no spoon
I am a recovering CounterStrike addict and I can definitely say that it hurt my marriage during the time I was playing. After that little episode, I learned that you have to MAKE time for your significant other. If you have to plan for it, then plan for it. You have to constantly work on your relationship or it will stangnate, whether your an evercrack addict or not. You can still play games, but you're gonna have to limit how many of those all nighters you pull. Oh, and learning how to put the toilet lid down doesn't hurt either.
There is nothing inherently safe about liberty. That's why so many people died protecting it.
Strike a balance!
/. asking, "I'm 30, fat, and balding how can I get a significant other"
Your hobby could be cars, computers, gardening, baseball, crack smoking, but as long as you manage to not let it eat up all your time you'll be fine.
Every relationship is a mixture of us time and me time, if you're no longer interested in the us time then why is there even an us?
Comeon now, unless you're under 22 it might be time to grow up a little. Unless you don't want to, which is fine, just don't come back to
-- taking over the world, we are.
Most significant others get upset when you spend more time on your hobbies (in your case, playing computer games) than on them. It's part of life, deal with it, be grateful you have someone!
Why not involve her in the game? You may be pleasantly surprised and she may like it. Get involved with some of her hobbies as well. This is called building a relationship.
If she's not interested, you're just going to have to respect that and limit your time playing games. I'm pretty sure your SO is more important to you than video games, in the long run!
I'm sure she occasionally wants to spent time away from you and be with her friends as well, how would you feel if this was all the time?
I'm married and I have the same problem as the poster. I am reduced to playing Super Street Fighter 2 for half an hour some nights and bemoaning my lost youth. Oh woe, youth!
My s-m-r-t solution is to get a job making games.
Play games for fun... ??? (Do lots of hard work) ... Profit!
Q: What did the comedian say to the crowd?
A: If I knew, this joke would be funny.
If you are considering dumping your significant other just to play a friggin game, I get the odd feeling your relationship isn't meant to be. If you take your relationship seriously you will get back on the damn gaming and find something mutual the both of you can enjoy. Luckily I don't have that problem... me and my girlfriend recently got into an argument over who was the bigger zelda fan.
I would think the obvious solution is to find a game that you can both enjoy playing together! If City of Heroes doesn't strike her fancy then perhaps The Sims would be more her speed.
After having over a year of my life sucked into Ultima Online I can tell you from experience that you want to stay away from the MMORPG genre.
These games are specifically designed to maximise addiction and require as much of your time as is possible. They are designed to make it impossible to just sit down for 15 minutes and have a fun little game.
There is a whole world out there with actual real things that games only exist to simulate. Computer games are great while they are augmenting your real life. They are good for a little off time every now and then.
When you reach a point where your wife/girlfriend/whatever feels neglected because of a video game, you need to question your priorities. Perhaps the proper question isn't how to get her off your back, but rather, is this game worth the time I am spending?
First, don't get addicted to too many games. I will only buy the very best games out there then go a couple months in between them once finished.
Second, arrange times that you are going to play a couple days in advance so you can warn significant other. Set a time limit like 2 hours or so. You will always run over the time limit, so you should aim toward the lower end of the spectrum that you really want to play for.
Third, it is ok to play once significant other has fallen asleep, but never...I repeat...NEVER let her go to bed by herself. If you do you are just asking for it. Now if you can pull off the cuddle for awhile bit until she is asleep and then get up and play you may get away with it, but that laying down till fall asleep time seems to be very important to women.
This has worked for me. I must admit that I don't play as much as I used to, but that is probably for the best. Just remember to spend at least as much time as you plan on playing with your significant other. I don't mean sitting in front of the tube time, but realy quality time. Also let them know you are going to play, so it does not come as a suprise.
One of the bonuses of City of Heroes is the lack of EQ or DAoC-style timesinks.
You don't have to level your character before leveling your clothes. You don't have to camp a spawn for seven hours. You don't have to do ML10.
The game is perfectly able to be played an hour or two at a time. In fact, it caters to casual gaming. If you're spending so much time playing City of Heroes that your girlfriend is getting pissed, there's probably a good reason.
A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.
Well right now i'm in a long distance relationship. That part sucks but I talk to her on average an hour a day(usually between 9-10pm) so anytime after or before I would be set.........
Don't know if this was supposed to be funny or what, but I'd start to feel bad about myself if the women I dated responded to such condescention with anything other than a slap to the head.
That said, while I am not much of a gamer now, when I was an undergraduate several years ago I stayed up four straight days playing Sid Meier's Colonization while my girlfriend of the time tolerated it with good humor (as a one time thing). Ah, she was an angel..
The problem some of us are running into is that our significant others aren't too happy with us gaming all the time.
Possibly about the only time you definitely do NOT want to imagine a beowolf cluster of something!
YIKES.
Video meliora proboque deteriora sequor - Ovidius
I upgraded her machine, got it to a level that she could comfortably play CoH in a decent resolution (at 800x600, everything's all clustered in), and then actually let her play on my account for a bit until she just said 'hey, let's go buy me my own'. Since then, she's playing it more than I do (I still like FPSs and RTSs as well as the one MMORPG I play), so it looks like that avenue is going well ;)
It's simple, get her addicted too. Think of MMORPGs as an infection. My best friend bought me Dark Age of Camelot to play with him, then I bought it for my father for Christmas, then my girlfriend decided to give it a try, then she got a couple of her friends to play it with her, etc. Seriously, I was/am a fairly hardcore Dark Age of Camelot player. My significant other was less than amused by this behavior, right up until the point when she decided to give it a try and got just as addicted to it. The family that plays together stays together, and all that. At times, I've played with my girlfriend, my best friend, and my father online all at the same time.
Several recent reports have come out noting the rise of female participation in MMUG's, I seem to remember Everquest being mentioned but I am not sure of the particulars. Anyways, there is a lot of growth in this area. While you did mention she is not into computer games, perhaps one avenue you want to explore is finding games that are popular with women and trying to introduce her to games that way.
Notice of full disclosure: I broke up with one girlfriend after the release of Warcraft II for the Mac, it was just such a cool game and she really did talk too much while I was TRYING TO DESTROY THE PUNY HUMANS.
M
For me it was Tribes 1, my first serious foray into online multi-player gaming. Evenings and weekends, and the wife got tired of it. The solution was to stop playing as much, and that's just the way it goes. Like the other poster said, adulthood beckons... can't have it all, gotta decide what matters.
I made the right choice, and it wasn't that hard in all honesty.
- Leo
You don't use science to show that you're right, you use science to become right.
As a recent newlywed (ok it's almost 1 year..:)), I would suggest talking it out with the SO. In counseling classes, they caught us that communication is the best way to solve a dispute. Ask your SO to voice her issue, such as "Your is making me feel . What can we do about it?" The importance is keeping the chain of communication open, otherwise your relationship is doomed.
Try writing this down on a sheet of paper, suggest possible solutions, and apply a strict timeline for implementation. This "contract" gives you distinct goals, for instance in your case you could suggest that gaming will occur on Sundays and Tuesdays, while the rest of the time is hers. It will provide you an amicable way to solve your SO problems, while showing to her that you are dedicated to the relationship and willing to adjust to her needs. However, remember you can do the same back if she has any annoying habits. I should probably sit down with my wife about the rinsing of dishes.... Anyways, as the guy married for 15 years said, it's all about sacrifices.
I play Desert Combat, and let me tell you I don't play nearly as much as I wish I could :). However, sometimes it is better to sit down and talk about what happened in the paper than risk the wrath of your SO being angry :).
Good luck!!! Good luck!If your "SO" really is your SO you will always make time for them no matter what. I love playing Quake ET CoD(infact my gf got me that) but I love her more so I make time for her. Sometimes ill play while talking on the phone with her or chatting on my laptop while playing on my desktop.
I play games all the time, my wife has no problem with it. She knew when we met that I was into collecting and playing video games. Just like I knew she was into collecting shoes.
Of course I never say "I'm not going to your sisters wedding with you, I'm waiting for a Black Dragon to spawn so I can get more experience points!"
But I sit in my room playing whatever game I'm into, she sits in the living room watching reruns of shitty sitcoms. We meet in the bedroom. It's win-win.
You're just married to a bitch. It really is that simple.
Just remind her that plenty of guys prefer to get drunk and beat their wives in their downtime. She may see it different then.
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
I put my "office" with my gameing gear in the living room where my gf watches excessive amounts of Friends, Sex and the City, et al. So now "together time" means she's watching TV without me gripeing and me playing without her gripeing. Yay. -KS
I advise you to dump your current lady friend and find a geek girl who is into gaming and technology. ;) They seem to be a rare breed of woman, but they are out there.
I married a geek girl. She tolerates and sometimes even encourages gaming on our LAN or online, impulse tech purchases, etc. Most of our Valentine's Day presents to each other tend to come from thinkgeek.
Maybe I was just lucky.
SiO2
Hey, I play more games than anyone I know. Being a gamer is just like any other personal trait, you're pretty much stuck with it. So why expect yourself to change [or worse yet, expect to "change" your SO]? Find someone who's accepting of you, and everything that goes with it. Even being a gamer.
Games are great. Games aren't just for boys. You've heard of multiplayer, yes?
My girlfriend really dug Animal Crossing on the Gamecube. Not too surprising, I guess. BUT, now she is a Star Wars Galaxies junkie. And she hasn't even seen Star Wars!
You just have to show patience and openness, and let your SO find "the geek within". As for me, I'm building another box, so that we can both login to SWG together, and hunt Ewoks, hand in hand.
------ What's sadder than realizing you've filtered out your own comments?
I met her across the altar - I was the best man for her brother. We felt something there, but it wasn't until she asked me two crucial quesions before I was head over heel fallen for her: 1) Do you like Dumb and Dumber? 2) Who is your favorite character in Soul Calibur 2? Those are questions posed by her. Not me, man. If you can find someone cooler than THAT, let me know at lalaland@doesntexist.com
We made $2.15 per hour. Operators would wait for someone to call to have a disk changed, and we would mechanically change the disk and run the predecessors of fsck (icheck, ncheck, dcheck, etc.). The systems ran Version 6 Unix, and there were two VAXes which ran 4BSD.
There were several ways to entertain yourself while waiting for a call to do something. You could do your homework. You could try to learn more about Unix and C, which they didn't teach in the college because they had little practical application at the time in the eyes of the CS department. Or you could play rogue, an interactive computer game that ran with really primitive graphics on the VT100 terminal.
Most of my colleauges chose to play rogue. I read the Unix and C documentation, which was only one book and about a foot of papers at the time. I had some computer programming experience, including assembler, but no formal classes in programming, as I was a communication arts student. But once I had read all of the available literature on Unix and C, I was able to get a job as an assistant systems programmer and start moving up in the lab. That eventually got me to Pixar.
The folks who played rogue? They did OK, I guess. But I think they would have done much better if they'd taken the opportunity as seriously as I did.
Look around. There is probably something to do that would be much more important, and eventually more fun, than the game-playing. You only get one life. Start living it.
Bruce
Bruce Perens.
Have an infant with your significant other. You can be the hero for letting your SigO sleep while you hold the wide-awake baby in the wee hours, your friends don't need sleep anyways, and you can bond with your offspring.
man rtfm
I met my girlfriend 2.5 years ago, at that point she was using her computer only to send some emails, browse some sites and do stuff for school/work.
Now she owns a casemodded computer including a pretty state-of-the-art videocard and simular soundsystem and tft monitoy. When she is at my place in the weekends she brings her rig with her and we play lot's of lan-games together. And she also goes with me to a monthly lan party.
It's all a question of training my friend.. training....
Life starts at the end of your comfort zone.
but this question is just sad. CHERISH AND APPRECIATE EVERY MOMENT with your significant other. He/She doesn't have to sit there and put up with your quirks and intricacies. They aren't required to deal with you ignoring them in favor of a video game. They aren't there to be there when its convenient for you. You will get much more out of a healthy, loving relationship than you ever will from a bunch of hours sunk uselessly into gaming. Seriously think about this question and you will realize the answer is "Holy shit, I'm actually weighing my life partner against a video game! how incredibly selfish self-centered and utterly shallow of me!"
Its no wonder geeks are lonely. They have no interpersonal skills. Not that I'm so much better, I really screwed up my last relationship via 'harmless' personal time to dawdle and hack together various computer bits, only realzing too late that I could have spent that time on picnics or walks through the park or taking in a good movie or discussing a book or learning something about my ex that I didn't know before.
I'll say it again: CHERISH AND APPRECIATE EVERY MOMENT with your significant other. They are choosing to be with you and if you continue to debase them by ignoring them for video games, you'll get what you deserve: a broken heart and a bunch of uncaring unfeeling pixels staring back at you in your emptiness.
Since your co-workers/friends seem to be having the same problem, help them too. It might just be as easy to arrange to have the SO's get together for a weekly (insert common interest here) meet while you go gib your friends.
Still will probobly cut into your gaming time, but at least they are doing something as well and not feeling ignored.
Where are we going, and why are we in this hand cart?
When she brings up the issue...
1. Open front door.
2. Power down and unplug computer.
3. Toss out front door.
4. Listen to it, bang, crash, and splatter.
5. Turn around and say, "Now there! Happy?"
6. Walk away while she is still in shock.
She'll buy you a new and better one, let you play when you usually do. She'll also give you a schedule of her free time...instead of whining. And you'll be certain to take advantage of the hint.
=8-)
I cut down on gaming. To paraphrase Dave Chappelle in Half Baked, I love gaming, but I loves pussy more.
"My head hurts, My feet stink, and I dont love Jesus." -Jimmy Buffett
My Wife and I, have been together for 13 years (2 years married). When she meet me, she knew I was gamer...
/.'ers head.....
When you arrive at a point in your relationship, you understand what each other likes. Compliance....
She knows I like to play games after work, she likes to watch TV. So we give each other the space and enjoy the distance. Were only a few feet away from each other...I'm in the Den..She is in the living room...
When I'm playing a really cool game (Manhunt) I'll tell her to come here and watch....That's how you can include her into what your doing...
It's a 2 way street...I also put the game away and watch some TV with my wife or do something else with her....
But of course this might be over the typical
It's left blank because I have nothing to say to you punks!
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....and she's always
sound asleep."
nah. why all those guys are saying to stop playing games? This is crazy. You must simply find a game that your beloved likes.
:)
..but since our daughter was born, we don't play that much as previously.
My wife said she will never play adom, because she doesn't play games at all (except for glines). Few months later she plays adom more than me. Isn't it all easy? Just find a game that is addictive enough and you have won!
#
#\ @ ? Colonize Mars
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Depends on what "cut back" means. If cut back means going from playing many hours a night, every night, to playing a few hours a week, I agree. However if cutting back means going from playing a few hours a week to nothing, then I think it's time to have a talk with the SO and maybe break up.
Why? Well, as you said, relationships are give and take. Pat of that is both of you need time to do things that YOU enjoy, even if the other does not. Those should, of course, be limited, but people need time for their own fun even in a commited relationship. If your SO can't handle that, you probably are in an unhealthy relationship.
I know far too many people, mean and women, where their life is all about what the other person wants. If the SO doesn't like it, it has to go entirely. If the SO want to do it, then they do. Not a healthy way to be.
So if a woman wants you to cut back your gaming to not be the dominant activity in your life, that's a good thing. If she wants you to cut it out entirely, that's not and you need to talk about it.
I time shift. My wife gets up two hours earlier than me and goes to bed two hours earlier. She does stuff in the morning without me bothering her and I do my gaming at night after 10 when she's asleep. Works OK as some of my friends who game have children too and can't play until the kids are in bed.
Set up a reasonable amount of time that you can play - maybe while she's doing something else (I know - hard to set a schedule for all your friends).
on the other hand you can also look on this as a warning sign that she is co-dependent. When I was first single, I did a lot of bike-riding (50+ miles were the norm), worked out in Aikido, did Scuba Diving, volunteered in RACES and SAR (Radio Amaetuer Civil Emergency System, Search and Rescue), etc Then I started dating this one girl who started questioning why I did all those things instead of spending time with her. So I stopped doing everything and devoted all my time to her, and she kept demanding more and more attention. I got fired from one job because I couldn't work eight hours a day. (plus all the off-hours a build engineer needs to work). Until finally she found someone else who wasn't saddled with 2 kids and had enough money to buy her everything she wants and pay enough attention to her needs (I notice he doesn't play softball or volleyball anymore at work).
Didn't mean to dump my problems on you, but I think you should be warned of the danger signs.
Note: I am much happier now as a single dad, much less laundry to wash for one thing, less food to cook, etc, though I can't bike more than 10 miles now without collapsing.
Real SUV's don't have cupholders
It's 5:42 A.M., do you know where your stack pointer is?
Is this a rhetorical posting? I sure hope so.
"Me fail English? That's unpossible." - Ralph
Date a graduate student, like I am. Then she'll only have time to see you on the weekends anyway.
|>oug
I think that a good solution would be to ask her to join you in CoH. There are few games that are really female friendly. MMORPG have more than FPS's so you will probably have better luck with CoH than say CS or UT2004. Because MMORPG are very community based and have personal interactions, she may come to see the game as a live action, playable soap opera and join in.
Remember, if she is being honest about her intentions, her idea is to have you spend more time with her. Make sure you include her and play characters that can group so you two can go together to everything. Because of the sidekick feature in CoH, it is a lot easier to have her involved.
If you have only one computer, you are screwed. If you have a couple, than maybe you can game and still keep the gf/wife.
If she doesn't like games or computers, maybe you can coerce her into playing. Try doing something she likes, and then require an equal amount of time doing something you like. If you garden, scrapbook, watch a chick flick for two hours with her, require two hours of time on a computer play a game.
Ever considered that you may not be compatible? If she is opposed to playing games with you, and also does not like you playing them so much, maybe it is not about the video games at all.
I hit that roadblock a few years back and it wasnt easy to find a solution. Getting my wife hooked on a game has worked in the past but her attention span is not nearly as expansive as mine. The next attempt at harmony was getting her involved in the same game that I was playing but after pistol whipping her a few time in SOFII it became evident that I may need to sleep in the basement soon.
;)
What finnally worked was this - finding a way to keep her occupied and in the same space as me. I'll be playing what ever game I happend to be into at the time and she will be...
1. Watching tv
2. Using her laptop to search the internet
3. Reading
4. Working on projects for school.
For "us" the key is being near each other while we engage in our individual hobbies. Now dont get me wrong, I still get bitched at incessantly but we're still married.
"Capital punishment makes the state into a murderer. Imprisonment makes the state into a gay dungeon-master"
There was actually some good discussion on this topic in a slashdot poll about love a while back...
Really, this comes down to personal space. IMO a relationship isn't really all that healthy if you can't spend a certain amount of time alone without one or the other of you becoming unhappy. Women just need to realize that at certain times in a guy's life she is going to have to share top-priority, or even be runner-up for a short while. In other words:
Attention to all women: Guys fixate on stupid crap once in a while. Let us burn ourselves out on it and we will always come back to you happier and perhaps smarter.
The meek shall inherit the earth, in 3 by 6 plots. - Lazerus Long
You just have to give up sleeping.
Not that you were getting any in the first place, huh, tiger? RRROOOWWWW!!
A couple ideas. Have you thought of inviting her to join you? You didn't say if she dislikes video games, or just dislikes you spending so much time playing them. If that's not an option, cutting back on your game-time might be the only option. Work out an agreement like you can spend two nights a week gaming if you take her out two nights a week.
nah i just say find a SO other that works at the crack@ss of dawn so they crash out every night by 9pm. then off you go till the wee hours. Since none of us work before 9 or 10 am anyways.
Or, dare i say it, find a gamer chick. Okay, not easy (in theory and practice). But it worked for me. Met a girl who is obsessed with nintendo. She even let me install SuSE on her system (if you know what i mean... umm). And yeah... on top of beating my ass at Wario Ware, she also puts out.
Now granted, the ratio of female to male gamers is... not advantageous by any means... so really... abandon teh aforementioend strategy...
The Neo-Bohemian Techno-Socialist
oops... I meant cut back, not get back...
Well, obviously some sort of moderation is key. If you're playing 12 hours a day, or getting home from work, jumping on the PC, and completely ignoring her day in, day out, I can see her having an issue. But that's not the impression you give. If she can't tolerate you spending a few hours a day doing something you enjoy after you get home from work (for example), whether it's gaming, reading, watching TV, or any other sort of hobby, it's time to find a new SO.
Otherwise just frag her and wait for a new one to respawn---but be nice, no spawn killing
"Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change."
Each of you needs to ask how long this will go on, and make your individual decision accordingly:
If you'll just be into this for a little while, it shouldn't be a big deal. Ask for a compromise; you'll do this for 2-3 weeks or whatever, and next month you'll go on a long weekend getaway to do what s/he wants.
If it's long term, the onus rests on the other person. They should probably get a branding iron made up that says "I'm a stupid geek with no life" and brand you on the head, butt, and a few other places. Then they should sell you on ebay as a piece of modern art, and use the money to begin a new life on the beach or wherever they would rather be.
Imagine a beowulf cluster of significant others.
What worked for me, was when she got her own copy of City of Heroes. Now we both run around and obliterate the bad guys together. We just talk to each other while gaming, and it works out pretty well. Of course, the noise from the game begs the addition of a Teamspeak server in the apartment, but that's a different story altogether.
Raptor
"Procrastination is great. It gives me a lot more time to do things that I'm never going to do."
If she is not into gaming at all, you better learn to spend some evenings doing what she wants to do. Balance it out and it should work out.
For me it was easy, it just happens that she likes Zelda games. So I picked up a Game Cube and Wind Waker.. kept her glued to the TV for weeks while I played my games.
In the end you still need more together time away from the games. Go out for dinner or go out for a nice walk from time to time.
EA David Gardner -"... but the consumers have proven that actually what they want is fun."
Or you can try to bring them over to the dark side...
I must confess... I've tried it with my wife, but thus far have had no luck. Back in the day she was a relentless MUD'er, but now doesn't seem to have any interest in computer games whatsoever (I feel like Luke trying to drag Vader back to the Light side of the force... "there is good in him... I have felt it").
Still, sacrifices are what makes a relationship work. She's intelligent, beautiful, funny, a good cook, a great mom, and makes more money than I do. Her only flaw seems to be that she married far beneath her station... a flaw for which I am eternally thankful.
I'd give up the games for her... but she'd never force me to do that... give-and-take is a beautiful thing.
I agree with the parent poster... you don't end a relationship for a lousy video game... I don't care how 1337 it is.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
. . . that you must spend all your time doing one thing, and only that thing.
Perhaps you should game for a while, and then go out with your woman for a while, both in the same day.
That, or get a Sears catalog, and order a life.
Chances that you can offer her a substitute when she actually wants attention from you are not good. Chances that there will be times when she's checking email/websurfing on another machince, reading books, on the phone, watching TV, doing things with her friends (not sure what the modern, not-old-people equivalent of the bridge club is) are usually pretty high. I've had moderate luck playing games that can be picked up and put down easily while the girlfriend stops to smell the proverbial flowers (hm... providing actual flowers might work too).
The downside is that this method is better suited for single player games than cooperative play for obvious reasons. Coordinating schedules makes things more difficult. Of course, these things are all relative. Most reasonable girls would understand one games night a week and most would feel neglected if you wanted to play several hours a night, but YMMV. (Unfortunately, CoH's $15 monthly use it or lose it access makes infrequent gaming a terrible value - this is the reason I won't touch the game.)
All that said, your question sort of misses the point. Time is the only limited resource that you can't get more of. If you want to spend your time one way and your girlfriend wants to spend it another, ultimately one of you is going to get what you want and one is going to have to settle for something else. In a good, healthy relationship the two of you are going to do your best to try and accomodate each other's wants equally, but at the end of the day you DO need to choose one or the other. (Unsolicited relationship advice: In the absence of any other information, my opinion is that if you have to think about it too hard, you're not with the right girl.)
it's simple. your woman, and even your life, can be viewed as a game. instead of working hard to score in a game, work hard to score with your woman... instead of exploring levels of some fake world, figure out what places you can take your woman to in the real world that get her in the mood. figure out how to get her to do x and y things that she would never think of doing.
making your woman happy and the resultant behaviors she will perform for you are infinitely more rewarding than any intangible, fictional reward a game might offer
trust me, evolution has made women the most challenging and addictive game ever, there's just a steep learning curve.
Try getting the SO involved in the game with you. That's what they want, you know, more time with you. I did that with my wife, she plays Doom and all the stuff that will run on our crappy machine. She keeps harping about wanting a Gamecube now... You can bring the SO with you to LAN parties, you can be together doing something fun. Nothing wrong with that at all, and remember the statistic that most online gamers now are females over 40 (or something like that.) So there's no reason not to try. I don't think there's anyone who doesn't like a good videogame. Spouses or girl-/boy-friends are no exception.
Girlfriends I have had, and known, often resent any but the most cursory time (pun - they don't like those, either ;) spent by boyfriends at the computer. They seem to envy the exclusive attention, and the intense touching, lavished on the machine. It's competition from something immune to their wiles! Which they usually don't understand themselves, or have a relationship with.
;). Maybe this is more social evolutionary pressure towards the new platform, and we shouldn't fight it - just try to enjoy it.
These same women, though, do seem to love their boyfriends to use their mobile phones. Especially when calling them. Calling other girls, not so much
--
make install -not war
Sounds like your women are too clingy. I can sit and play Zelda: Wind Waker while my girlfriend studies for her nursing school, we can not say a word to each other for hours. In short, sign the women up for school, or get them a hobby.
I hate sigs.
Promise to quit playing when Duke Nukem Forever comes out and you beat it!!!
I only look human.
My mother is a halfling and my dad is an ogre, so that makes me an Ogreling
The biggest problem for gaming (particularly with games like this or EverQuest aka EverCrack) is the obsession level. It is very easy to "forget" about important occasions or promises in the effort to finish a particular quest. It is also easy to be so social during this period that your time with your SO is spent wanting some solo, quiet time -- the exact opposite of what is needed.
/. readers).
The real question is which do you value more - your SO or your game. If you value your relationship, you can plan "poker nights" -- several hours scheduled in advance for your gaming -- then balance these with "couple nights" -- an equivalent number of hours of activities you enjoy sharing as a couple (sleeping together does not count). If you don't value your relationship, then the problem existed prior to the game and the gaming is simply making it stand out. In this case, the SO may have to take a walk -- leaving you the position of being a gamer who can't maintain a relationship (the supposed M.O. of most
I was taking one day at a time, but then several days got together and ambushed me. (from a Rhymes with Orange comic)
Quit playing video games and start playing the best game in the world.. SEX! Have sex, sex, and more sex. Become a freakin' sex machine! I mean, how can video games be more attractive than the feel and smell of a good woman?
I don't have time for video games and barely get to watch TV. Me and my girl are always randy and ready to go. Then, when she's sleeping 'cause of the thrashing I just gave her, I can play video games. She doesn't care what I do then. :-)
What is your penile percentile?
My solution:
1. Install a Wifi network that will allow you to play games in the same room where your SO spends time.
2. Get a laptop that can be used for the types of games you play.
3. Try to play games that are either pausable, or allow time for frequent breathers, so that you can periodically engage your SO in meaningful conversation.
Worked wonders for me!
1) doing a lot of chores around the house and being extra nice (croissant breakfast) with her may earn you a few extra credits that you can spend playing
"honey, I've cleaned the damn house and fixed the dinner! Gimme a break and let me rest playing my games for a while"
2) using gaming as an excuse for doing research... works best if you do have a real interest in graphics programming.
Hey, my wife is in the garment industry, and she does pretend that her shopping is research.
3) play at night while she's asleep (works best on friday and saturday nights). It works only if, the next day, you can get up at the same time as she does and be awake enough to give her the attention she deserves.
4) "would you rather have me going out with pals having beers and hanging out in strip clubs?!"
5) offer her a surprise plane ticket so she can go alone spend some time with her distant close relatives on long weekends and holidays.
Online Bounty Hunters, got a SO playing too many online games? Hire a hitman to take them out of the game. Expert players in various games that can attack and take out anyone the SO has in a relationship that spends too much time on games.
The story was, of course, voted down, when I posted it here.
My wife's half-sister has a husband in Thailand who plays online games all day and neglects her. This is a very common problem world-wide apparently.
When the game is over, who cares anyone? When the relationship is over, you'll care a lot!
Choose the SO everytime, unless you are having serious problems with the SO and want to dump him/her.
Remember, Slashdot does not have a -1 disagree moderation, and no, troll, flamebait, and overrated are not substitutes.
This reminds me of a long time ago when I worked with a guy who moved in with a girl for the first time in his life. We would work, we would play video games, and she would get pissed because he did not come home and be with her. Of course few people had cell phones and almost no one had at home cell phones, and we did not bother to call, so she had no idea what was happening. He never put her high enough on the list, so she left. He could not meet her expectations of him.
So, the point is to figure out why this is causing a problem and trying to find a solution. Yes the top symptom is time away, but this may be the biggest issue. It could also be that this gaming thing is part of a perceived reduction in intimacy or some other sort of threat. I think we have all heard the 'love your computer more than me' thing. I know I use my computer to limit real human contact. Ultimately, you are going to have become aware of all the expectations placed upon you and then decide if you can meet those expectations.
"She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not going to let it slide." Orphan Black
Just sit at home playing games not returning her calls, when she asks what you were doing, lie and say something like 'explosive diarrhea' or something and she'll leave it alone.
"Lie to her It's ok to lie to women, they're not people like us." - Peter Griffin's Evil conscience
I had this problem at first too. My SO didn't seem interested in any of the games I liked so I catered to her and asked what type of game she would like to play if she had too. The next day I went and bought Star Wars Knights of the old republic. After she got hooked and finished that game ( before I did I might ad ) she was more open minded to all other types of games. Now I think she plays more then I do.
Find games you can play with your SO. Currently my g/f and I are in the middle of Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance for PS2. Before that I was helping her through Zelda: Wind Waker. Other 2 player gmes that we have enjoyed together: Neverwinter Nights for PC (using teamspeak and some headsets), Cookies and cream PS2, Splashdown and Wave Race (PS2 and GC), DDR, and Super Monkey Ball (GC). Also, single player games that have short play-times to them are good too. Games that you can play for a few minutes, fuck up, and hand over the controller. Like Tony Hawk Pro Skater. This can cause problems if your skill levels are not very close, as one of you will end up hogging the controller (Ok, I admit it, it was me, I'M BETTER)
-- Having a Creationist Museum is like having an Atheist place of worship
Why do i continuously see the argument, which equates gaming to being "non-adult" This is just plane bullshit and denotes the proponent of such as being small minded. I am a baby boomer with a long-term (18year) marriage, avid gamer with all of my like minded buddies and have found the proper balance of gaming and "adult life". I find gaming relaxes me and puts me in the proper frame of mind to deal with the complex daily issues i'm confronted with. I'm an IT Validation Consultant, hence lots of crap being served up daily. That being said i consider myself all grown up and able to have a health R.L and be an avid gamer to boot !!.
*--- Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side. ---*
Find a significant other who likes gaming.
There are still compromises to be made, no question. The two of you still won't want to play the same games at the same time. (I've certainly played a lot more Diablo 2 with my girlfriend than I ever would have wanted if left to my own devices.) And there's still no excuse for neglecting your SO.
All of that said, it's a lot easier starting with someone who on some level likes your hobby rather than disdaining it.
Depending on the game, it might work or not. There are many couples playing with Sea3D, for example. I've heard of gals enjoying BZFlag too. I don't know if you can convince them for that game you're talking about, though. Worth a try.
"I'm never quite so stupid as when I'm being smart" (Linus van Pelt)
I got my wife a gamecube and a copy of Animal Crossing for her birthday. She now plays at least an hour or so a day (some times much, much more) on the TV while I play on the laptop next to her.
do you love your S.O.? Do you love the game? Which one is more important to you?
Limit the other one to whatever fits in with the primary priority.
the major advances in civilization are processes which all but wreck the societies in which they occur - A.N. White
I passively disagree. A relationship takes sacrifice but shouldnt take effort (there is a difference). If you're at a point in your life where you feel you have to choose between your gaming and your SO... Leave her.. you're not ready.. This is only the first of many sacrifices that you'll encounter later in your life. Its not about being immature (quite the contrary..an immature solution would be to try to juggle the two, or sneaking in a few hours when you should be watching the kids).. its about knowing yourself. Once you get to a point where you coudlnt imagine being without that special someone, you wont find yourself giving a second (or first) thought in regards to something as trivial as a gaming habit coming between you.
Besides.. its not like she's bitching about football..
-=TheRoadhog
Bitch you KNOW the side.. WORLD MAFUCKIN WIDE..
So I have two suggestions: either cut back on the gaming a bit - for example, set aside certain nights to not play - or tell me your username and what server are you are on. I'll tell my wife, you guys can hang out together online, and I'll take your SO to a movie.
Everyone knows that damage is done to the soul by bad motion pictures. -Pope Pius XI
...why not try City of Heroes, or some other multiplayer game that your SO might enjoy. I know my SO used to get bored when I'd pour hours into Final Fantasy X, but after a while, she realized it was fun to watch. Then she realized it was fun to discuss possible strategies. Then she realized it was fun to tell me what strategies to use. Then she took over my game. Anyway, all this was only after she had finished her own game that I had bought for her (Champions of Norath). The lesson I learned? Make gaming and spending time with your SO non-mutually-exclusive. Don't assume that she likes games with cute animals, get her to try Baldur's Gate and the like. Then sit there and watch her play it. Unlike us, a lot of the time women can play video games and carry on a conversation. Then, later, when you're playing some games, she will be much less inclined to demand you shut it off. She'll just sit down with you and assume that you're also able to carry on a conversation (good luck, there).
"Now gluttony and exploitation serves eight!" - TV's Frank
When I got married my video game playing died down quite a bit and I missed it. Then we had two kids and my video game time went to nothing, but I don't care. Instead of playing with my friends in UT, I play legos with my kids, or play tickle-monster, and other fun games.
Now I look forward to when they're old enough to school me in the latest FPS. Then I expect video games to start sneaking their way back in to my life. Some of my earliest memories of video games are playing with my Dad... and how he was the best gamer in the world, no one could beat him.
I can't wait to introduce them to the games I grew up with. I hope they enjoy playing them with me as much as I enjoyed playing them with my Dad.
Then they would have a pc right next to yours.
Obvioulsly the screen would be out of sight, can't trsut anyone in the high stakes worls of online gaming...
500 dollar reward for tip(s) leading to the arrest of the person(s) who stole my sig.
My girlfriend of over 4 years knows that I'm a gamer. And me being 30, I'm well aware that this relationship requires both of us to work.
I do have some luck in that I get home before she does. So I usually get to play about an hour of UT2004 before she gets home. Once she's home, I turn off the game and spend time with her.
On the weekends, she'll occasionally have her shopping days which gives me many, many hours of UT2004 (talk about massive adrenaline overload). So it works out for both of us.
I have a friend who's addicated to City of Heros and each and every night he's at the computer playing while she cleans up dinner and takes care of the kids. That's a marriage doomed to fail and it's all his fault.
YOU need to make sure that you spend more time with her than with the game. BUT...she also needs to understand your hobbies and what you enjoy and allow you to have your gaming moments.
You have a Kid old enough to play them with you! Then she won't even give you a second glance, she'll be so happy to have "a father who wants to spend time with his kid", ie, get some sleep herself!
SJW: a person who perceives an injustice, and while correcting it, commits a greater injustice.
Not so long ago, I went to a LAN Party and watched an acquaintance of mine sit through the entire thing playing "There" while the rest of enjoyed "real" games. Honestly, I couldn't believe he even bothered coming to the LAN in the first place.
After a while, he went on about how cool it was and showed us all his "flirting" with his "online wife". Knowing that he was married with a newborn child, I asked him, "What does your REAL wife think about all this?" He replied, "She does it TOO!".
I gulped and listened to him ramble on about the fact that his REAL wife was even planning to go meet her ONLINE HUSBAND. Obviously the guy had serious marital problems burgeoning, but he was alas unaware. I'm sure that by now he's either divorced or practicing online swinging (shudders)
Geeks all have this problem with balancing computer time vs. their relationships. It's hard, but that's why I end up staying awake into the wee hours of the night. Also, another rule: Play games you know you can put down. This is why LAN parties are good ... you go, play all night, and then it's out of your system (hopefully). Elsewise, join "Gamer's Anonymous" and realize that you're no different than a Crack Smoker.
I wrote an article in Issue 168 of ZZZ Online about some of this that may be of interest.
Video games don't whine (well, good ones). Video games don't call you at work and DEMAND you spend more time with them. Video games don't pull stupid dramatic stunts that even high schoolers would laugh at to get you to pay attention to them. Video games demand time and money, sure, but they're not guilting you with WE NEVER GO OUT!!! and WE'RE GOING TO VISIT MY PSYCHOTIC MOTHER!!!. Video games do not withhold sex over something as stupid as showing up five minutes late.
In short, video games are better than a bad relationship by orders of magnitude. I'd rather play Daikatana than spend ten minutes with my ex. Yeah, relationships are a give and take thing, but when you're doing all the giving and SheBitch, Queen of the Universe is doing all of the taking, well.... fuck that noise. GTA calls.
A good relationship, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Bad relationships drive me to video games. Good ones leave me with little inclination to pick up the control pad.
This is actually a current problem of my current SO (and avid slashdotter) with Ragnarok Online. Don't get me wrong, I am such a gaming chick. I've been known to spend long periods of time glued to my laptop til the wee hours of the morning. However, he plays during the day while I'm at work, then wants to play all night as well. It's a &*^%@&^%& battle to tear him away from the computer to do something other than slay anime monsters. It won't do anything to seriously jeopardize our relationship, but damn, it's annoying. I work for sometimes 10 hours days staring at a computer.. do I really want to drive an hour home, then stare at a computer RIGHT away til 5am? Not likely. And a previous poster then said making your girlfriend feel like 2nd place is bad.. they were dead-on. Compromise with her. Watch a girlie chick flick with her in exchange for some game time, or stay with her til she falls asleep, play for a bit, then return and sleep yourself. If she really knows you and your geeky gaming addicition, she can't get TOO mad.
Pay $15 a month, AFAIK 50% more than any other major MMORPG on the market, for a month of use-it-or-lose-it gaming time. If you're playing it for only an hour every other day, you're paying a lot more per gaming hour than you are when you buy a game like Baldur's Gate that doesn't go away after a month. Don't get me wrong, I realize it's a flaw of the whole genre (though those crazy kids at Guild Wars seem to think otherwise), but then I (as a casual gamer) won't touch the rest of the genre for the same reason.
>A nice sized group of us here at work recently picked up City of Heroes, and started playing together.
No way could I get away with that at work.Some mornings it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints to get out of bed.
People use the word "addicted" as if it is an OK thing. By definition, an addiction is not OK.
If there is something that you do a lot, and you enjoy doing it, it's a hobby.
If you enjoy doing something, you do it a lot, it causes problems in your personal or social life, and you sometimes wish you could stop doing it (but you always seem to keep doing it), then it's an addiction (yes, this is a simplification, but there isn't room here for an entire phych textbook).
Internet and gaming addictions are very real. If your gaming has gone beyond a hobby and it's a problem for you, then I suggest you honestly look at the problem and take steps to fix it.
There are good books on the subject of internet and gaming addictions, and any mental health professional can help.
I hate it when I make a joke and I get modded "+5 insightful". Mod the stupid comments "funny", not "insightful", pleas
I would say if you are having trouble limiting it, you may just need to cut it out all together. I had tried to balance school and gaming for a long time, and was never very successful at it. If a new game came out I was super interested in I would lose all control, and begin making bad grade again. After flunking a statistics midterm (which I hardly studied for) I finally decided that I just couldn't consitantly control myself, and so I just stopped playing. One of the things that helped is that I realized that games are just a time sink. You don't learn anything from them, better yourself in any way, or create anything of value. For all intents and purposes, you might as well not exist when you are playing games. When I really thought about it I decided I wasn't happy with spending all the free time I had (and some time I didn't have) doing something that had no results or meaning, other than taking time away from what should be my real priorities. I do miss gaming a lot. I'll read about new games comming out and want to play them, but I at least have the self control not to give into it. The upside is that it's given me a lot of time to focus winning the game of life, and I do stuff now that I didn't before, like work out and socialize more. Overall I'm just as happy as I was then, and I'm sure that will increase as the time I spend improving myself pays off.
Homer's Odyssey (which some claim may have been originally written by a woman [maybe the swineherd's daughter]) talks about women cheering for bloody fights. The bible talks about women getting right in on a fight by grabbing her man's opponent by the naughty bits! (This is a big no-no, girls.)
Clearly, women can enjoy the games which wouldn't be considered civilized or "pretty". Otherwise, what fun would women be?
A nice sized group of us here at work recently picked up City of Heroes, and started playing together.
:-), then get her a computer that can handle it and you can play *together*. CoH seems to appeal to a fair number of women from what I've heard (friends who log out with the excuse that they need to let their wife play for a while, etc.)
/sidekick a lower level player to let them be almost as effective as if they were the level of the higher character, but there are times when you really *need* to be compatible levels (Task Force missions, access to hazzard zones, etc.)
Yeah, this is the most fun I've ever had playing a computer game. I have level 20 and level 14 characters after nearly a month of play, and the game has continued to be consistently entertaining. The team play aspect is really what keeps it from getting boring, just as in most good MMO* games I think.
I tried installing Zoo Tycoon on my other computer and saying 'Look honey, cute bears' but she just didn't bite.
The problem is you gave her a dumb game. Try letting her play CoH for a while (and you can play Zoo Tycoon if it's so great
Try to find a group of friends to play with who put in the same amount of time per week that you do. That way you don't fall too far behind in terms of level if you've decided to put less of your life into it. Of course CoH has a "sidekick" system where a higher level player can
G.
I seem to remember that there was some watership down-ish PNP Bunny game from way back in the early days of D&D. Bunnis and Burrows? Anybody remember it or know of a modern incarnation?
1. Happiness at home
2. Happiness with your game
Remember the amount of #1 is directly related to the amount of #2. If you're just now figuring this out, or haven't witnessed the full fury of a woman scorned for computers, I don't recommend it.
And remember this, If Mamma ain't happy, nobody's happy.
Wu-Tang Name: Half-Cut Skeleton Get your own Wu-Na
As funny as this sounds my girlfriend plays more games then I do so normally it is me getting the controller/keyboard away from her so I can play.
;) That always seems to help.
After we play for a couple of hours we settle down have dinner maybe watch a little Slayers.
Thankfully though I haven't had to deal with an overly addictive game since I started dating again. I guess my solution would just be introduce her and get her hooked
...ruined one friend's marriage. That's right, she divorced him because he spent too much time on the game and waaay too much money on a high-powered gaming rig. Right after the divorce he still couldn't give up the game until he lost his job from showing up late for work too many times due to not getting enough sleep... playing until 3-4 AM every night, and getting caught playing it at work on his PC there. We all told him he was addicted and needed to cool it, but he was hooked badly. After his whole life crashed, he moved to Vegas and became a gambler. Haven't seen or heard from him in months now.
Huh? Has anyone actually tried this? I mean, unlike Leisure Suit Larry, the game you describe may have better graphics, but the gameplay itself is as boring as the Sims, and the speed-up key can only be used once a day, and in an astonishing display of programmer ignorance, the speed-up key only works at night when you're trying to game! At least the Sims design team got that part right -- you want to fast-forward during the day when you're at work and nobody's home!
> instead of exploring levels of some fake world, figure out what places you can take your woman to in the real world that get her in the mood. figure out how to get her to do x and y things that she would never think of doing.
And the list of defects goes on. Like, there's no fucking save/restore feature either! I mean, you spend six weeks of game time setting up a surprise menage-a-trois with you, your girlfriend and just *one* lousy goat, and if the persuade roll fails, all you can do is pull out the old .45 and restart.
No way, man, "RL" is teh suck. I wouldn't even warez it.
I'm right in the middle of the exact same situation.
..."
:)
For those of you who think compromise is out of the question... well, there's always going to be at least a little compromise.
If the girl is living with you, the only thing you can do is play late, late into the night and forego sleep entirely.
BUT...
If she's NOT living with you, there's some things you can do to maximize game time, and minimize relationship stress:
MAKING TIME
-----------
* Say "I'm concerned that you're not having enough fun on your own, away from me. You should really go out with your friends tonight. I don't mind, really."
* Pretend you have something really man-oriented and boring that you have to do, that she hates. Such as: Buying stuff for work at the electronics store, taking the car in for service, helping a friend fix his car, or building a spice rack for her. She'll leave on her own. Be sure to buy a spice rack in advance.
* If you play online games, try to get a friend to "prep" your account before you play to maximize your in-game time doing what you want to do (and not reequipping, etc.)
* Determine the minimum number of hours you can sleep. Obvious.
* Eliminate all of your friends and other unnecessary distractions.
* Buy the fastest motorcycle you can get. They're cheap and great on gas. This minimizes commuting time. Also, move closer to work.
* Buy groceries online. Shopping is a horrible timekiller. Buy foods that can be prepared quickly.
* Hire a maid if you can afford it for the cleaning.
* For the remaining chores: Many guys do chores and other boring stuff after the girl leaves. Screw that. Get that stuff out of the way while she's still there. When she leaves, you're not doing dishes/laundry, you're gaming!
* Feed her turkey and insist that you really want to see that three hour Senate lecture on CSPAN. When she falls asleep, game time!
* Find out the latest possible reservation you can make at a nice restaurant. Say, 8:30pm. Around 5:00pm, say, "I've got reservations to a great place. You'll love it. But I need to finish this. Don't worry, we have time." Works well. When she harasses you about it, say "soon... soon..." Easily stretchable to 3 hours.
GUILTING FOR TIME
-----------------
* I have actually used this line, and it has worked. "Babe, if I don't get at least 3 hours of gaming each day, I get really cranky. I don't want to take that out on you." It actually worked, she occasionally just says "why don't you go play your game for a while."
* Explain that since you dumped all your friends (for her of course), that your online buddies are "your real friends, who I've known for years. It's the same as if a friend asked me to go bowling or something, you can't ask me to cut them off. Besides, I promised earlier I'd help my friend learn
* Hooking the girl on her own game doesn't work. Period. If they're already a gamer, you probably don't have too much of a problem, assuming they like to play what you play, which is very unlikely. Such toys only hold their interest so long (usually a few minutes) to non-gamers. However, girls LOVE to chat. You may have luck hooking her into your buddies via IRC. She's somewhat "involved" with what you're doing, lessening the problem, yet, she's not gaming.
EXCUSES
-------
* Anytime she wakes up and says "why are you playing that again", three magical words: I COULDN'T SLEEP.
* Seeing a doctor to help keep up the insomnia charade is quite effective.
* My friend called before you arrived/woke up and asked me to help him with something really fast. It'll just be a few minutes.
* "A few minutes always turns into an hour on the computer babe!"
* "I just logged into to check something real quick, and my buddy desparately needed my help. I can't let him down! It'll just be a few minutes."
All of this stuff should get you an average of 3 hours of gaming per day. If you need more than that, you need to dump the girl.
# Erik
You admit you're addicted, that you want to play this game all the time, but the girlfriend is the problem?! Where's Dr. Phil?
Slashdot: Failed Car Analogies. Amateur Lawyering. Anecdote Battles.
your dating the wrong woman. date a gamer :)
Just get Animal Crossing for the Gamecube. It's the game to get if you have a female SO who doesn't play games, most women love it. It worked for me.
"Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door." - Emily Dickinson
Of course, I'm not blowing 20 hours a week on video games, I'm spending it in the myriad stages of graphic novel production. Time for it has to come from somewhere- out went video games, out went movies. I do those when I'm too burned out from writing, pencilling, inking, coloring to do anything else.
Oh yeah, and there's the day job. Combine that with the graphic novel and I have about six hours of free time a week. Broke up with the girl I was dating the week I started the project in earnest. I told her I had finally started work on the thing- which I have been planning since 1994- and her response wasn't "sweet!" or "nice!" or "it's good that you're starting to realize your dreams!", it was "I'M NOT TAKING A BACK SEAT TO SOME STUPID WEBCOMIC!"
And so, quite suddenly, she wasn't.
When I'm 40, my memories of my mid twenties will be a haze of production striving to pull together a story that has been taking shape in my head for ten years. I will have ACCOMPLISHED something, rather than suffering the tyranny of an ice queen who wanted my creative energies for herself.
Fortunately, the woman I'm half-dating now understands exactly where I'm coming from (she's a writer)- and has caught more than a few typos.
If you have to sacrifice something you love, then it's pretty obvious that there's a more compatible girl out there.
Your best bet is to schedule time once or twice a week to play with your friends. Try doing it the same day every week like Tuesdays and Thursdays. Spend the rest of your time with your SO.
If that doesn't work, smother your SO with kindness and follow her around constantly. Eventually she'll ask you to go away. Then you can play your VG. We she complains, repeat the recipe.
GeneralKael -- Slacker Extraordinaire
Why do i continuously see the argument, which equates gaming to being "non-adult" This is just plane bullshit and denotes the proponent of such as being small minded.
Thanks for the insult, but you aren't paying attention. I didn't say gaming was immature, I said compulsive "all the time" gaming is. I play video games. Where maturity comes in is realizing that you can't just play around all the time, whether it be video games or any other pastime.
Both!
I personally spend a lot of time playing Magic: The Gathering Online and at the same time, have a SO as well.
I find that in the long run, the SO is much more important to me than any game will ever be, no matter how powerful/how much money/how much time I spend playing it.
A game should be just that, a game.
I think when you find a game or virtual activity getting in the way of real life friendships (let alone relationships), you probably have an addiction problem.
...you try installing City of Heroes for her instead of Zoo Tycoon, and invite her to play with you and your friends? Don't automatically assume that your SO would not like to play/can't play a game that doesn't involve cute animals or not named Bejeweled.
Tell her that if she's willing, you'd like to turn this into a shared activity with her, and that while you're not looking for an excuse to play video games all day, it might be a good way for you two to spend time together while still doing something that you, and hopefully she, will enjoy. Tell her that if she doesn't like the game, fine, she doesn't have to play and you'll try to keep your playtime reasonable, but it would mean a lot to her if she would give it a shot.
Guys too often look at "shared activies" with women as hanging at Hobby Lobby or getting your nails done or some other ridiculously feminine thing, but it doesn't have to be. I bet you'll be suprised the reaction you get if you just act like you really care about spending time with her.
Finding video games more amusing than your partner is indicative of a problem. This is true of anything though, not just video games. The solution is not to distract her with games (unless the problem is that she's just bored, and not specifically craving more of your time) but to find out what the root problem is, and solve it.
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
Seriously, you need a better girlfriend.
Of course there needs to be a balance between time you spend with your friends doing fun stuff and time spent with your SO doing fun stuff, but it shouldn't take an enormous amount of effort to balance. It should come naturally, and when possible, the two worlds should overlap.
If gaming is important to you, than you need to find a girlfriend who enjoys gaming, too, and will join you. This is important, because later on, when you're married, this will cause problems. She could expect you to "grow up" and stop doing "childish" things.
An IT manager showed some obvious interest in me. I decided to pursue this for at least a friendship, because I can always use another gaming friend and movie buff to hang with. I later find out he thinks I'm perfect and never imagined a girl like me could exist. I'm a geeky hot chick who shares all his interests. He makes it obvious he wants more from me.
I THEN find out the guy is married! Turns out he's so smitten he was actually considering having an affair. Of course I put a stop to that dream.
My whole point is, the guy had no concept that a woman like me existed, so instead he settled for a nice woman who put up with him and lets him get laid every once and awhile. Obviously, he isn't happy with this, and his mind is wondering to other, seemingly better prospects.
If the girl you are with cannot handle your hobbies, and refuses to join you with your hobbies, than you are with the wrong woman for you. There is someone better out there.
(You may need to wait 10+ years before you can find her, but she's out there)
My boyfriend, jbrader, just read me your post. Uh, of course your girlfriend is mad. As the former girlfriend of many nerds, and now about to be the wife of one, I've learned quite a bit besides the basic, "I love my nerd". You have to engage your girlfriend in what you are doing. Explain the games to her, have her watch G4 with you, or even explain the /. site to her. Show her what you are doing in the game and why it is important to you. These things might seem like they won't work. But women are persistent aren't they? By being persistent that you're girlfriend understand the games that are important to you, she will begin to take notice, or possibly interest, in what you are doing.
In short, this is how to get her off your back. It's what jbrader did.
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.
Cut back on the gaming. One of the reasons I recently left my SO was because of her non-stop LARP'ing. (Oh, and the LARP'ers she fucked, off course.)
Anyways, don't patronize the SO with Zoo Tycoon. From my experience, girls are not all for that cutsey-wutsey stuff we think they are. They like to smash baddies and monsters with a giant sword just like the rest of us. And also, they like the social aspects of such games. So my advice is: cut back on gaming before she blows your non-gaming buddy, and test her on EQ, DAoC and the like...
(Hey, YOU asked...)
Sorry and I know it's not a game and it needs to be banned from every where ever but..
The sims... and DDR... (I already feel dirty for that). Both are easy to play and seem to have a large female following. I know alot of girls who play both and you could use them as a stepping stone. Theres DDR machines every where, just goto a cafe and after a nice day of shopping or something to bribe her round go "lets have a game honey". even if she says no go "come on, we did what you wanted all day 5 minutes won't hurt". Get her going and buy a dance mat etc. and she'll soon be hooked.
Just make sure you push her away from the DDR/Sims/etc market. Theres already enough idiot "Oh look we added a new room and chair!" style expansion packs for both. Waste your money on a good RPG and not some crappy expansion which has 6000 clones for free online.
--- [Insert intresting Sig here]
Sex > Games
Sex during games...now that's an awesome chixx0r.
Colin Dean Go a year without DRM
No, should have said "KITTENS".
Patronising her won't work. I'd recommend a site that serious about games for girls, Chickstop
http://www.chickstop.com
Suttree, a weblog about casual games development
I play video games when I'm too burned out to do anything else. The rest of my time is spent video editing (a skill I picked up slacking off, which is now my present means of earning a living), rebuilding old macintosh computers for people who can't afford their own machines, and working on my graphic novel.
I've realized over time that video games don't offer much ROI for the time spent learning them and attaining some level of skill with them. Yeah, the bus might be a good place for a game boy, but that's the only time of the day I have to write in my journal. I'm in a position where, psychologically, my paid work is entertainment and my "hobbies" are mentally demanding. Friends in my age bracket (consistently obsessed with GTA, NWN, Quake, BF1942, Final Fantasy, etc.) have repeatedly asked me how I'm so "productive."
The simple answer is that the time they're spending level-building in EQ is time I'm spending rewriting my script, thumbnailing panel layouts, editing video, or processing and coloring inks. I'm barely earning a living, but I'm happy doing what I'm doing... and I have very little free time.
This is exactly like the questions I see submitted to answer columns: the answer is obvious, and it makes me wonder why the submitter can't see it himself. Learn restraint and how to manage your time. If you describe yourself as "addicted," then you're likely putting in more time than even you'd like to.
But those answers are obvious, and frankly, you should have realized them. So my question is, why didn't you?
This write up doesn't quite describe my life, but close enough. I have been married now for over 5 years and my wife has just told me that she is going to leave me. We have a child that is two years old, and this turn of events is tearing me up inside. I love her very much, but she tells me that I am emotionally distant.
I work really hard, and I guess when I came home my mind was somewhere else. She wanted to do things together when I just was spent and tired. I wasn't into her hobbies, and she didn't care for mine. I did always ask her though before if she was happy, and she always said yes. I resolved to never touch the computer again when she was in the house, and I broke the CD of the game that I would play. We are getting counseling, but she pretty much said she doesn't care what I do, she is out of here.
I remembered when I was a kid I would always seek out a quiet corner away from my large family to be by myself. That doesn't work well when you are married. I am in the middle of changing my entire life, and it isn't comfortable. Find out "why" you like computer games. If it is because you like to avoid people then you have a real problem, and get counseling. I know many people like CS clans, but still games eat up SO MUCH TIME. Spend it with real people.
My advice? Don't use computer games as a substitute for real relationships. Not when you are a teen, not when you are an adult. They aren't good for anything except wasting time. The web is only slightly better than games. It is hard to make real relationships with real people, and they can hurt at times, but they are much much more fulfilling.
Quite frankly, I am not going to play a crappy Hamster Wheel MMORPG in spite of spending time with my loved ones.
It is not even about priorities. It all boils down to this: why are you playing a MMORPG?
ChozSun
ChozSun.com
Get their significant others addicted to the games too. Then everyone will be happy. :-P
si vis pacem, para bellum..."if you wish peace, prepare for war"
Last year I had a "relationship" that ended because I spend a lot of time "on the computer".
I had to do a lot of overtime to meet a deadline, I'm also visually impaired which means that my company gave me VPN access so I could work from home rather than commuting via transit after hours or on the weekend. She started to get really pissed off that I was spending six or more hours straight coding. I kept telling her that it was OT for work and that sales hinged on the completion of that project but she wouldn't have any of it. She had already complained that I spent too much time on the computer, I told her she knew that before we got together and that that was one part of my life that wasen't changing. (six hours a week of e-mail and web-admin is not a huge amount IMHO, I even quit playing games while we were together)
I guess the part that bugged me was the fact even with a crazy-go-nuts schedule peaking at 105 hours a week I still made time to be with her for a couple hours a day, that wasen't enough apparently. My thinking is that she was more upset that I am a computer nerd and that I wasen't going to change.
Don't get me wrong, between games and a relationship I'll pick relationship first, but a relationship is a two way street of give and take. If there is no understanding between partners the partnership will end.
crazy dynamite monkey
Kidding! Kidding!
As many other posters have noted, the parallels between gaming addiction and all of the other time sinks in life are numerous. All things in moderation!
-- Cheers,
-- RLJ
In college I played a lot of D&D, all sunday, every sunday(except sometimes I would take a midday break to watch football). So my girl and the other girls who us nerds were dating hung out on sunday, talking, shopping, homework ... whatever. That seemed to work pretty well.
Capitalism: unequal distribution of wealth
Socialism: equal distribution of poverty
'Cause sunday is, you know, the Lord's day.
Unfortunately, if you have one of those non-deflatable ones, you're really gonna have to consider getting one.
Though my problem has less to do with games and rather with computer in general. Evidently, I spend too much time programming or tinkering. At least with the computer, I can shut it off if it annoys me... HAHAHA.
Yep, been there done that. I almost lost the hottest woman I've ever been with when Red Faction II came out. (--killing spree!--)
;-)
I don't know if you have the same setup as me, but me and my partner have almost identical schedules and live together in a studio. And because we spend most of our time at work/school there is this unspoken pressure to spend that time we do have together as "quality time."
While that's nice and all, I can't spend all of my free time hanging out with just one other person. (Hell, being a slashdot'er I can barley spend it with other people in general
And not to sound new-age-self-help-pop-pysch-ish about it all, there is a balance between getting off work at 6:00 each night, heading to your buddies house and coming home at 3:30 in the morning smelling like cigarettes and Mountain Dew, and just spending all of your time with that with one other person.
Relationships are important. And they require a lot of work. However, chicks have a tendency to come and go, and it's going to be your friends that are going to be around for the long haul. All I'm saying is don't throw one away for the other.
What I do, is I have two/three nights a week where I go and play video games till whenever. I go out, have my fun, and she goes out with her friends and goes clubbing, bar hopping, whatever. She spends time with her friends, I spend time with mine. We spend time together. It works out great for the both of us, and neither of us feel like we're being smothered or ignored by the other.
HTH
unraveled
The path of least resistance is what makes the river crooked.
She makes me play games so she can quilt and watch TV without interruption. Granted, she's right behind me while I'm fraggin, but we consider it quality time.
-- Stu
/. ID under 2,000. I feel old now.
There's going to be a rift, there just is. The trick is to manage it according to your core values.
.02, and so on. We play these characters until he logs off at 11:30 or 12, and I might log off then and I might play my own solo Controller, Phritz, until 1 am.
(I've been married 18 years and counting, so my solution may or may not be germane to your situation.)
Here's what I did. I'm co-founder of a City of Heroes SuperGroup called the Spandex Avengers on the Infinity server. My parter-in-crime, Chump, is single and freely admits that he has no life. I have a wife, two kids, two dogs, two cats, and too many things to juggle to even hope to keep up with Chump. We looked at this early on and came up with a solution: multiple characters.
My buddy gets home and hops online at 4:30 pm CDT. He may or may not eat. He plays his primary character and either soloes or finds team-mates and levels up his character.
I get home around 6:30. I make dinner and do the dishes while listening to my son read to me and ask homework questions. If I'm grilling or baking something that doesn't require supervision, we'll go outside and shoot some hoops or throw the ball around. We sit down and eat and then I finish helping him with his homework. We're all finished with family stuff by 8:30, at which point my wife sits down in the Living Room to do crafts while watching TV. I sit down at my gaming rig in the Dining Room, don my headset mic, and log on to TeamSpeak and CoH. I'm close enough to my wife for her to get my attention and far enough that I'm not afflicted by TV and she's not afflicted by my games.
Chump logs off his main character and we grab our team characters based on a second, themed SuperGroup, TK421 (why aren't you at your post?). He's TK421.01, I'm
By playing two characters, we allow for times when he's playing twice the hours that I am while allowing us to keep a second character at roughly equal levels, thus preserving the experience.
It's possible to play an addictive game and maintain a relationship, but it takes a very solid understanding of all the variables. This arrangement works for me - ymmv.
Regards,
Phritz / TK421.02
Get a life. A real one. Your own. Not the pretend game life. Real World.
When you are old and gray, or when the game loses its luster, you will want the woman in your life to still be interested in you, not some other guy.
I think you need to evaluate your priorities for life. Choose instant gratification (the game) or long term comfort and satisfaction (the woman, with a little luck and a little more effort.)
Gah! Slashdot.
there are 3 kinds of people:
* those who can count
* those who can't
...dump 'em. If they won't let you have a little fun with your friends, they probably aren't the right one.
Get your S.O. to start playing?
Seriously, the world needs more girl gamers.
~ lilibat gamer geek goth girl
'And fill in the blank with any habbit except maybe "flowers buyer"'
Nope, sorry. Once you get to about 100 orchid plants delight turns to the "where do you plan to put that" look. "Oh look honey, I bought a greenhouse" is not considered a good answer either.
PS: I hope a "habbit" isn't some sort of freakish cross between a hobbit and a cabbit.
-- your Web browser is Ronald Reagan
Stop playing online games with others. Local games tend to be less addictive thus allowing you to play less often. This also lets you be more flexable about when you can play because your online buddies aren't depending on you. I found this to help manage my game addiction. Now I even play some adventure games with the SO.. (Syberia as of late)..
I married a woman and put her through medical school. For 4 years it was all the game time I needed for just $13,000 a year. Man what a deal that was.
And now she's a first year resident and I've only seen her once or twice in the last year. But now she's getting paid by someone else to leave me alone at home playing games in the evening.
But seriously, if you like to have a lot of free time to yourself, then date someone who doesn't have much free time of their own.
If you are already with someone who expects to spend a certain amount of time with you, then you can probably only cut back on that amount of time by a small amount. Finding a replacement for the person she loves spending time with is not easy to do for the long term.
I have been an avid gamer since the Atari 2600 first graced my home when I was a kid. Since then, I have gotten married, become a doctor and had 2 kids...so, my time is a little stretched.
What needs to be realized is that your time does not all belong to you. It is divided up into things like: work time, family time, couple time, etc, and last comes personal/alone time. Different people will place different priorities on these categories. What is important is knowing that you have to budget all of them into your day. Some days have more of one type than others, but at the end of your week/month/whatever, the majority of time should not fall into the alone category. If you wanted to be alone most of the time, why be in a relationship?
As for me, I tend to be a night owl and my wife is not. So, the solution came pretty quickly...I play when everyone else is in bed. That way I maximize the couple and family times while everyone else is awake and everyone wins.
-A
From my own personal experience, I once had a girlfriend who left her previous boyfriend because he spent far too much time playing games and too little time paying attention to her. A relationship means committment (at least a mature one does), and it means that both of you have to be in it together and spend a lot of free time together. That's sort of the point. If you're spending all of your free time playing games online instead of with her, then that pretty much is telling you something, isn't it -- you prefer gameplay over having a conversation or doing something with your SO.
Of course two people aren't going to spend all of their free time together and my wife doesn't particularly understand or care for my game playing (until I explained it to her in her terms, "Oh, it's like going shopping, but on the TV and you don't buy anything? Cool.")
I think a lot of geeks (guys especially) go through game-playing phases in their lives. I went through mine in my mid-20's. But I grew out of it, as the game was virtually the same thing every night and one night, I just realized it. Staying up til 3am playing just wasn't as fun anymore. So I went to bed and now play when I have some free time or feel like doing something different. It makes for a far better experience overall.
Typically when you're going through that game playing phase, being in a good, healthy relationship isn't always possible. The best thing to do is accept it, accept your priorities in your life right now, and either dump the SO or reduce the game playing to reasonable levels. Your choice.
My girlfriend just turns off the computer!? how do you guys stop that?
This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
It may have been said before, but...
The Sims has a huge female following and possibly one of the biggest fanbases of any game. There is absolutely loads of user made content available on the internet - I know, my significant other has downloaded literally gigabytes (when compressed!) of it.
If you are suffering from bored-girlfriend syndrome introduce her to the sims (+ expansion packs) and notice the difference.
It's all about budgeting, really. Communicate to her that this is something you enjoy doing with your friends, much like other guys might go to bars or whatever. Work out time to play, and time to be with her. Let her know that if she really needs some together time, that she should let you know, and then you'll need to be aware of her needs and give where appropriate. Relationships are more about giving than taking - if she can give you time to play, and you can give her time to be together/talk/communicate, things'll work out rather well.
I have a girlfriend of almost 3 years now, and she's very much not a geek. Try as I might, I just can't really get her interested in games and such (well, she loved Kingdom Hearts, but that was it). However, she knows that I love gaming and such, and I know that she loves spending time together, so we just communicate our needs to each other and make allowances to each other, and everything has worked out wonderfully so far.
Like any relationship issue, communication and giving is often the key.
You are making it sound like all gamer girls play is Sims. Some of us play the same games boys do.
~ lilibat gamer geek goth girl
I come home eat dinner with my wife and my 4 yr old and 8 yr old son. Help with homework put the kids to bed interact with my wife then put her to bed, THEN I play my games. The best way it worked for me is that I play my games from about 9pm on (I am a night owl). :)
it helps if I get the dishes done too.
(three computers in the house and one in the garage!)
I can't use my sig - my computer can't read my handwriting.
Well, some of us will burn out and come back. I'm not a big marathon gamer, and every so often I set a goal to finish all the single-player Starcraft campaigns, and I always get bored and quit somewhere in the Protoss missions. Most of my non-gaming hobbies are the same way.
But, there are people who, if left to their own devices, will not only drown themselves in a MMORPG for years at a time, but they may even have an affair within the game, and leave their current mate. We've all heard the stories, and we all know someone who's either ended or started a relationship in this way. So, it's definitely not true that people always burn out before it becomes problematic.
I consider myself a veteran gamer (having been along for the ride since the first pong clones). I play games nearly daily, but certain considerations keep me from touching mmorpgs.
.. but what really keeps me from mmorpgs is the fact that computers take a big enough part of my time away as it is. I work as a webdesigner next to my studies. I design and program for fun (and profit) at home. I play SP games and the odd MP game online (battlefield mostly).. but I have dropped all "clan" activity.
Being a student, I have a minimum income and I dont want to pay a monthy fee to play a game.
I used to play ActionQuake for at least 3 hours a day a couple of years ago. Then CS came along. I realized I wasnt willing to invest the kind of time into a game, that was required to be able to do well. Sure, you could play less - but there's a virtual minimum weekly playtime, to be able to do fairly well CS server.. and a lot of the servers where inhabited with kids that spent all their sparetime perfecting their "mad skillz". I pretty much dropped MP fpsing (except for BF (because it counteracts 'ramboism'/lonewolf rules everyone).
All in all, I play a lot less these days than I used to; due to my studies, my job and the fact that I want some sort of social life outside the virtual world.
I was in for a surprise when my (now X) girlfriend forgot about our online meetings (We were living in two different countries at the time), because she got caught up in some trail-client for a mmorpg.
Once I'm going steady again*, I might pick up an mmorpg.. but for now there's waaay too much geek-time as it is.
*Look out Århus. My X-Girlfriend
- Mad, ingenous - they've both left you puzzled -
Got girlfriend to play City of Heroes...
:)
She bought her own copy, now we play together.. everyone's happy.. I come home from work sometimes and she's already stuck in front of her computer, killing Clockworks....
--Less Thinkin', More Drinkin'...
Why give her a cute bunny type game? who wants to play that? not even lots of women.
find a similar game that you can train her on.. play one on one with her against the computers...
then have her join up with you and your buds.
Do it TOGETHER
don't just shove her away with some offensively cute game..
Please use [ informative / summarizing ] SUBJECT LINES
Flame me here
Why not invite her to play along? My wife didn't even want me to buy Halo (gee, honey, why the hell did we buy an Xbox if you don't want Halo?) but we started playing in co-op mode and now it's her guilty pleasure. She's even started playing alone at difficutly level 3 (geeze, I've played enough that you'd think I could remember what the levels are called). The only problem is you can't save in co-op mode; you have to finish each level or you lose all progress. So sometimes we stay up way too late on weekends.
If all this should have a reason, we would be the last to know.
My sweeite enjoys games only when we can play together against a common foe. For example;All allow you to play cooperatively against a computer foe. Fixes the gamer itch and makes for some good bonding time. "Hey, stop shooting at me!"
Find her (or him) something they like to play, that appeals to their sense of style or whatever.
My ex plays Planetside and strikes fear and anger in the hearts of everyone she puts a couple of sniper rounds into. Hell, most of my SOs have become gamers once exposed to the right game, whether it was a RTS, a Sim, a RPG or even a FPS. You've just got to find the right combination.
Mod me down and I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine...
Actually i wasnt trying to insult you. Far from it. I agree with your comments about "compulsive -all the time- gaming" but if you read MY comments i never mentioned compulsive gaming. Just gaming in general. I have had friends lose their SO over Mercs, Quake, EverQuest etc. Its like anything else, the ying has to equal the yang or your life has no- balance young grasshopper.!!
*--- Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side. ---*
Like all the other respondants, it's all about finding a game that you will both enjoy. My gf was Battlefield 1942 BONKERS for about half a year and more so with the expansion packs. Then we played Syberia 1 and 2 together. It was great going through the interactive story...
like visiting the movie theater and not getting yelled at for saying "NO! Don't go in there!!"
I said "AFAIK" and now stand corrected - a quick search and I see that Star Wars Galaxies also charges $15 a month, meaning the MMORPG industry has undergone significant inflation since I decided it was overpriced at $9.99 a month and stopped paying attention. (A Slashdot games post on CoH's release gave me the mistaken impression that the $15 price point was high.)
:-/
And we're both agreed that it's more than possible to play games casually, in a relationship or otherwise. I just maintain that a game that gives infinitely better gaming value per dollar spent to the crowd that spends, say, 4 hours every day in one month, 120 hours for $15, than someone who plays that same 120 hours over the course of SIX months for $90, is inherently unfriendly to the casual gamer. The fact that other games are EVEN WORSE to casual players isn't really a good defense to that point.
The key to meeting my game-addiction needs, first formed around the time Space Invaders was new, has been the GBA I bought a while back. I can keep it with me wherever I go and whip it out whenever I have a five minute break. It usually* doesn't invade the time I'm spending at work or when I'm supposed to be hangin' with the Significant Other.
*Metroid Fusion and Metroid Zero Mission being exceptions. Not because there aren't enough save points -- there's one every couple of minutes if you need it -- but because they're just so damned addictive!
This isn't a recommendation, just an anecdote of my current situation...
My wife and I just had our little girl last Monday. It's been a week now, and for those of you who have gone through these first few days/weeks, there really isn't any sleep. I just got Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic last weekend. As addicting as that game is, it's a great distraction for my wife so she can sleep. While I am playing, I have my little girl in my lap fast asleep while my wife tries to catch up on some much neglected sleep. Since she normally sleeps for about an hour or so, I try to keep our little girl asleep or distracted as much as possible. And what better way than to play a game that can get you sucked in for hours on end AND also act as a relief mechanism for your SO?
If you want to see my little girl, go here.
Help populate the human race, it is one of the most rewarding, amazing experiences. Ever.
You are not root, go away.
I can't believe anyone would even CONSIDER putting computer games before people.
Other then the two obvious solutions (quit playing or dump the significant other)
The 3rd obvious solution, is to get your GF into the game also.
I'm wondering how other people have deal with it?
Or, you could just "treat her mean, to keep her keen"... like, "If ya don't like it bitch, just fucken leave me, aight?".
(She won't leave, you will however get a slightly tearful blowjob).
Disclaimer: I rarely ever play games and am addicted to social contact, especially the contact of my girlfriend.
;)
Spend most time with your girl and put game time in the time you cant be with her, so game when she wants to do something for herself, or during her work hours. (if your off work that is) If shes sleeping might seem like a good idea at first but I'd rather be sleeping with my girl in my arms than do anything else in the world. But if you rather play games than spend time with your girl you should check your priorities and maybe break up. Personally I'd choose for the girl, playing with her is much more fun than playing with the computer...
The way to corrupt a youth is to teach him to hold in higher value them who think alike than those who think differently
There are plenty of woman to choose from in this world and unfortunately not enough good video games 8) If a girlfriend complains i game too much, then she can find the door and don't let it hit her on the way out. Why? Well.. hell i can find another one on an online dating site fairly easy 8)
but does she speak english?
Maybe you should have found an S.O. that plays video games?
blog |
I use sex to make the girlfriend to sleep. ;-)
Then I can play all night long
Bruce
Bruce Perens.
No wonder those wifi bicycles came out. We just need now one with two seats. Put your GF/wife in front, you in back with a laptop and let them do the pedaling while you get kicked by console cause you're owning in CS. Yep, the perfect life!
Thanks
Bruce
Bruce Perens.
I'm sure that your SO likes to do her fair share of shopping or window shopping. If you each find yourselves a time-slot for "alone-time," it will work quite well.
...I am proof that intelligent beings are not always intelligent...
Will Trade Gaming for Sex! :) Make your time!
Tell them if they want your attention they need to get it...
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips
Unless your SO happens to enjoy everything that you do, chances are good that she has things that she likes to do, but you hate.
:-)
For instance, I am a gamer but my wife isn't. She likes American Idol, I think it is stupid. The fix, play games when American Idol is on (ok, bad timing I'll admit, but you get the idea).
Better yet, treat it like everything else. Set aside a few hours a week that you will be gaming. If you are gaming as opposed to going out to bars with the boys then she really can't complain too much about it. You have a life as well. Of course if you are gaming more than a few hours a week (ie. you can't get your time in in one good day) then this won't work either. You'll have to find her a hobby, or send her to visit with her parents
2. Once your SO understands the games importance to you, agree upon a reasonable schedule for you to play and for him/her to do something s/he likes. If you spend 3 hours Tuesday night playing CH with your buds, then she can spend 3 hours at a spa, or at the mall, or out with the girls, or whatever else she wants.
3. Cut back on your other hobbies to compensate for the time you spend gaming. Just because you played CH for 5 hours straight doesn't mean you can now log out, start reading blogs, posting on /., or tinkering with your hardware. The time you spend away from you SO is lost regardless, so make it count and use it to its maximum.
4. Take time off from the game at least one day a week and go do something TOGETHER with your SO. What's going to last longer? City of Heroes or your relationship? Go for longevity.
I've been playing UO for nearly 7 years and an assortment of other games off and on. I'm fortunate that my wife enjoys playing computer games, too, so when she sits down to play, I can sit down and really play.
Balance is the key.
On one hand, I brought home "Animal Crossing" and "Tony Hawk 3" when I bought our GameCube, and my wife dug both games -- for months, we beat on each other every few evenings in TH3, and for months, we burned so much of our time in AC (each trying to be the first to the console to play while the other gnashed their teeth waiting for their turn) that we finally had to stop lest we go crazy. So in that case, MP gaming just made us closer. We also occasionally fire up the old copies of "Worms World Party" and sheep each other's worms to death (sounds dirty if you've never played the game, doesn't it?)
On the other hand, I used to love playing Nascar 2002 online, until my wife (who evidentally posted an article on "Ask Not-Slashdot" on how to stop her husband from playing online games) started scheduling social events for the same evenings as my organized online races, each time claiming she "forgot". I finally gave up.
So get 'em into the game, or find a game that you both enjoy.
I decided to post a link to this article on the CoH LiveJournal community I'm a member of. Check out these other replies! Xenzirril
== Lots of gaming at work, lots of snuggling at home.
Wow, I should not post when knackered.
Just a word from a female.. Women should really like this game in many ways. I mean you can create a super hero character the way you want, the outfits are amazing, you can play in a team, and you can be just as powerful as anyone else. I have seen (I believe) quite a few women playing. Get that significant other to sit in front of the computer and create a female character - she will love the variety and the imagination that goes into creating a character. Then let her see the gameplay. For some it might be too much kiling and fighting, but really you are fighting the bad guys and making it a better place. On another note, gaming is a hobby and all people have hobbies. You should not have to decide between a significant other and a hobby unless the hobby consumes your life. You should be able to work out a schedule where say certain days are for gaming and other days are for spending time together. My husband and I both play City of Heros and love the game so it is easier for us but we dont play it every day 8 hours a day, I mean come on that will kill you! You have to have a real life as well. The other day we played from 10pm to 6am because we did one of those task force missions so it is addicting, but we dont normally do that. Talk to that woman, let her sit in that chair and create that character and try it out. If they refuse to allow gameplay and only want your attention, then it wont work. If you play all day long every day, well that wont work either! Netkat "Positronn" on Pinnacle
OK. I just assumed that since you wrote this in a reply to my post, it was addressed to me.
The Sims... My girlfriend and her friends LOVE the game to death.. It's like playing dollhouse. I don't argue, it keeps them away when I play Warcraft3 or CS.
Slashdot.. Land of nerds, trolls, and FlameBait..
It doesn't take much experience with Creative Types to learn that when we're in the zone, we are In The Zone. Some people have varying tolerances for distraction- mine's extremely low (I've wrecked two vehicles because I can't do something as simple as find a decent radio station and drive straight), so if the phone rings while I'm shading a comic panel, I don't answer it- I unplug it. The distraction pulls me out of The Zone, and being yanked out of the Zone instead of voluntarily stepping out of it is Very Bad. Makes me angry.
A compatible SO will understand The Zone and allow for a Creative Type to go nuts on his/her project... but the Creative Type needs to understand that that isn't really time given so much as time moved around- you might burn an all-nighter on a project you've gotten a sudden breakthrough on, but if you don't make up for it by spending some time with the SO later in the week, well... it ain't gonna last.
So, obviously no one cares about your stupid game, but if you aren't interested in her phone call, you're an asshole.
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" -- HST
Um, part of your problem is crappy games, apparently. Give her games she'll enjoy. (Hint: POPCAP) Find out what she likes. My wife's playing Zuma next to me right now, and the plan is to play Thief later - I "drive" (she gets motion sick playing FPS), and she suggests strategies and places to go.
And we have agreed "alone time". Saturday nights are NWN. My wife & I will do dinner Saturday, hang out for a bit, then I go upstairs and NWN. Likewise, she has alone time, for whatever she wants to do. And (hint) if you don't have them at the same time, you might be able to game during BOTH.
(and yes, all my friends can now sub-post and say "yeah, but where are the kids, eh bucko?")
"Sometimes a woman is a kind of religion, she can save your soul & set you free from all your sins" - Bad Examples
Get her pregnant. For a while she'll sleep 20 hours a day.
Your balls called... they said when you're ready to play CS again they'll be waiting
Seems to be another dilemma...do you sacrifice your balls to save the relationship, or do you hang onto 'em despite the fact you'll not be using them anyways.
My guess is that you and most of your CS buddies are in posession of several pairs of balls in pristine, hardley-or-never-used condition...heh heh...
At any rate...perhaps the solution is to find a clan or whatever that has a single woman in it and date her. She's right over there next to the hen's teeth. You'll be so happy gaming together that you won't even mind that you still aren't getting any sex...
You are obviously an amateur. Try getting her one of the following (ordered by cost):
1. Atomica Deluxe and/or Bookworm
2. The Sims (+ all expansions)
3. A Gamecube and "Animal Crossing".
...Fallout and Fallout 2 :)
:)
:)
:)
She got jacked with me spending hours glued to UT(insertyearhere) and randomly yelling "stick your head out, I'll cure all your ills" and "dont run, you only die tired"... so I went out and bought her fallout, fallout2 and nwn for her iBook. She was bleh about nwn, but she cacked herself over fallout/fallout 2; the humor and turn based gameplay got her hooked
So she camps in the chair next to me and chortles in her headphones whilst I slaughter thousands... ok, get slaughtered
detant is a wonderful thing (and dont even bother correcting my spelling, assuming its wrong, I just dont care that much
err!
jak
Get your significant other to play too!
-R
yes, it was beautiful sunny day in March. Lazy afternoon on Sunday, she gazed over and denied me of some good loving. ...
....
She got up, walked over to her desk to her new P4 3.2 Ghz machine and started
FINAL FANTASY Online
OH WHY WHY WHY!!! It's been 2 months and hell putting up with her 5 AM indulgence to play that stupid ass game all night!!!
WHY ME, LORD! WHY!
We went our seperate ways after I've unplugged the DSL line right out of the wall... I've heard she's still playing that good for nothing game... FINAL FANTASY!!! YOU SHALL PAY~!!!
"Don't let fools fool you. They are the clever ones."
From the X-chromosome POV, and a former non-gamer, I suggest trying to play games with her. I hadn't touched a video game console since the first Sega Genesis when I was 10 till my current boyfriend bought me an X-Box. He then taught me the basics in playing and got me games that I was interested in - mostly the Buffy the Vampire Slayer pair - and now I actually like playing video games. I still suck, but I get the enjoyment. Maybe get a multiplayer game, or if she'll tolerate it, help her play one of yours by teaching her. Though if you are spending an extremely high proportion of your time playing the game, I might recommend toning it back some or scheduling some time specifically for your girlfriend. There's a difference between a hobby and an obsession, and from my personal POV, I'm a hell of a lot less tolerant with obsessions.
i'd imagine if you're in a relationship, then it should be common sense that all you need is to manage your time.
it's just like anything else you do. just find time for your game, and find time for your girl, and you'll be fine.
i live with my gf (soon to be fiance), and when i wanna play an online game she usually just watches tv or reads. we each have our own hobbies and we have hobbies we do together. when i do one that she doesn't really like (like playing a game), she'll go do one she likes.
The greatest experience we can have is the mysterious.
- Albert Einstein
I am married. My wife does not game. She has tried some games. Neverwinter nights, she just wanted to use as a graphical chat engine. Asherons Call, she used for the same. We have an arrangement now. I come home, do the dinner, chores, family play time till 8 or 9. Then I can play. At 10 PM I get off line and we spend an hour together. That gives us each some time to do our own things, and still get some time together. I think the trick is your wife/other has to have a life/hobbies of thier own in addition to the one they share with you. Have you time and us time.
No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style.
This backfired badly on me. I spent weeks trying to convince my girlfriend to play Animal Crossing, and now she's so badly hooked that I can't get 5 minutes on the GameCube. It goes something like:
ME: "Honey, could I possibly have a wee go at Metroid?"
SO: "Just let me re-arrange the furniture again and I'll be right with you..."
Most nights I end up curled on the other couch with the GBA and a dry martini, chewing on an olive and muttering to myself.
Vino, gyno, and techno -Bruce Sterling
Ive been a gamer all my life, raised on Atari and NES. My Girlfriend hates gaming with a passion. But i wouldnt give it up, its my vice. Her solution to my gaming problem was an interesting one, now when i start playing a game she comes over and rubs her tits in my face and often times will start giving me oral sex to "distract" me from the game. Now how much better can you get then that, gaming with tits in the face and a blowjob, and yes im 100% serious!
... couples that play together stay together.
And that's not just games, if you know what I mean.
i love to play games too. my favorite is currently silent hill or (my evergreen) worms.
but, if my boy-friend gets home i QUIT my game-session and spend time with him. i don`t do that because it's expected.i do that because i want to. i think this is the jumping point: it's a sign of attention.
of course your significant others are going mad if you spend the whole evening playing games.
perhaps your problems could be solved if you first talk about nonsens in which she`s interested and then play your lovely games? try it!
(sorry for my bad english)
Cheat codes.
This might be slightly off topic, but... ;-) and we use a considerable amount of long distance to Japan. I have a long distance plan with worldxchange (not affiliated except by being a customer) for, get this, 6 cents a minute to Japan. HTH
My SO is Japanese (I'm not
PS. Here is their plan.
-- The morphemes of your disquisition are ascertainable, but they have eschewed an ambit of transpicuous exposition.
I'm not saying that City of Heroes is addictive at all, but prior to buying it, my wife used to call the computer my "mistress". Now she calls it "THAT SLUT!!!!!"
All of the boys are currently having problems with the SO's about CoH. Except the one lucky b*stard whose fiancee plays more than he does.
We might have to resort to a scheduled "CoH night" or something.
Let me get this straight, you have a steady woman and you would rather spend your off time playing a computer game?
Assuming your SO is not a vengful Rosanne Barr - like cow your problem is NOT time management.
It is perspective and I don't mean the kind that can be improved from drawing classes.
Steve
Isn't there something better that you and your sig. other could be doing than playing video games? =)
-Vendal Thornheart
How do you keep up a relationship without ruining your game-playing?
Seriously. Anyone?
Glog!
-Lucas
i find it extremely funny that most of the posts, in fact, all of the ones i've read, come from the gamers, an none -- from the significant others the posts refer to
you will probably say that that's because SO's aren't geeks and don't read slashdot
well, you might be right, however then you're implying that the concepts of "geek" and "gamer" are being equated
can i not be a geek if i am not a gamer?
but, i'm getting slightly off topic...
i am that significant other who had to deal with the boyfriend-gamer...we went through many stages in our relationship (with respect to videogames): when i did not care at first, when it went way over the limits because every possible free-from-classes-and-work moment was dedicated to gaming, when we were on the edge of breaking up, when he stopped playing completely because he was afraid of ruining the relationship (i guess), to me pre-ordering Half Life 2 for his birthday
i don't know if i am ready to deal with the gaming issue completely: i don't care right now, but maybe i will later
i am afraid it will get out-of-hand as it once did
my major issue with gaming is how unreal and impersonal it seems to be...the most i could ever handle playing is tetris, for about 10 minutes, and then i would just get sick of it
and because i value personal interactions so much, i get very upset when my SO does not seem to do that as much as i do
i have high standards, and he knows about it
so, i was very glad that there are still gamers who, through getting to know their SOs better, start to value personal interactions over the "unreal" ones
I'm [female and] in a relationship with a geek guy that not only likes to game from time to time but also likes model airplanes. His current love is a flight simulator, of course.
I've found that it does take a bit of effort to find a balance between gaming and spending time together, but I would never ask him to give up his gaming or his airplanes--he enjoys them too much. It would be like him asking me to give up reading voraciously while he games.
One thing that helps us is that we definitely have time set aside to spend time together without other distractions. That makes the time pursuing individual activities a bit more balanced. I also like to go out with him to fly the planes...that definitely helps.
A few things that have helped me out...
1. Make sure your gaming computer is in the same room as the TV. Whenever she turns on "American Idol", you can get in an hour of complaint-free play time.
2. Buy a Gamecube and every game with "Party" in the title (Mario Party 5, Warioware Party, etc...). This can turn gaming into a social activity which will help remove some of the negativity around the subject. (What female can resist the charm of the "Protect the cat" mini game on Warioware??)
Seems like I scare them away cause I want to spend too much time with them. Maybe I need to game more when I am in a relationship :|
Seriously- if your gaming habbits are eating away at your couple time, I think you need to evaluate your situation...
My girlfirend dose not like action games, she likes the sims, she likes chatting on the computer, she likes littel flash games, she kicks my ass in soul calibur 2 (Though my constant picking of yoshimitsu might have something to do with that), and we both enjoy smash brother's meele- That said we spend a lot more of the time we spend together, together.
We also enjoy time by ourselves; she has a liking for musicals and historical peices at the theater- she can go see those herself, it woulden't be any fun for her to have me there sleeping on her shoulder anyway. Likewise goes for me and action games (first person shooters and the like), and predominantly action movies (Unless it's a bond movie- she loves those) Several famous and not so famous psycologists(sp), psycatrists(sp) have said 'relationships do not exist in a vaccume'- So you can't just cut your girlfriend out of your relationship because you want more 'me' time without upsetting the balance of the relationship.
Get out of your self-centric shell and look at it from another angle, lets just say, for the sake of argument, that your girlfirend likes insect taxadermy (completely random thing, that should seem interesting, but not 'let me join in' to a gamer), and because the monarch butterflies are in season she wants to spend upwards of 6 hours a day, catching, preserving and mounting them- 6 hours that you two normally spend doing 'couple stuff' like going for walks holding hands, or cuddling, or having sex, or whatever it is you do in your couple time- How will you feel, would you not feel dijected that some monarch butterflies are ranking above you in her life right now?
-Millions of Monkeys, Millions of typewriters, 6 hours of sorting through faeces encrusted pages to find: This post
Ok, lets first look at the options:
Signifigant other
Sex
Genital Stimulation
Minutes of Enjoyment
Games
Fun
Visual/Mental Stimulation
Hours of Enjoyment
So what's the solution? Ditch the signifigant other. Then buy one of these for your computer. Now you can play games, and get everything you would from a signifigant other.
Many need a better computer, or a serious upgrade to get it all...
but hey... think there's a 'signifigant other' who will pleasure you while you play a game? I think not. But I know a certain computer that would.
And it doesn't ask you to return the favor.
And despite needing a powerful computer that can multitask well... the money you save from dinners, and jewlery... will mean better framerates, and orgasms.
What more do you want?
As a girl (and engaged, at that), I think that it's a little unreasonable to ask a SO to quit gaming entirely.
My future husband (can't spell fiance(e?)) plays Diablo II. Compulsively. He'll stay up from the time I go to bed (~12 AM) to ~6 AM, playing. I don't care, I'm sleeping. So, there's an option.
Another is to get her a game she'll like. There aren't really a lot of chick-centric games, but the ones I really enjoyed were the ones with PLOT. It's all very well and good to blow shit up, and kill everything that moves, but sometimes, I want something a little deeper. I'd say, Final Fantasy. Actually, any kind of RPG, as they're not hard to catch onto, and you don't have to have lightening-fast reflexes.
Hope it helps.
* http://www.office-humour.co.uk/items/media/images/ 1284.jpg
I guess the key their is that you enjoyed reading UNIX and C documentation, and then enjoyed applying the knowledge you've learned.
If you happen to enjoy something that will "get you ahead"(tm) in life, that's wonderful. It's my experience that the vast majority of people prefer passive entertainment - like games (or TV, or movies, or drinking with friends) over studying unix documentation. Or, spending 4+ hours a day playing a musicial instrument, or sculpting, or whatever other "active" hobby out there... the unfortunate reality is, not all these active hobbies equate to "getting ahead" anyway.
So what's "doing OK" mean? I suppose you mean you've achieved greater notoriety and financial success, good for you and your ambition. In the end of course, that doesn't matter at all, it's simply a matter of happiness. And if playing Rogue between phonecalls instead of studying C documentation, advanced physics, or playing your backpack guitar is more fun for you, what's the problem? A lack of ambition isn't a bad thing in my book - indeed, many of the most unhappy people I have met are the most ambitious, as they never quite have enough.
I am a gaming chick and love playing Counterstrike. However I have a similar problem to the original poster. My boyfriend wants to spend all his time in the Garage tinkering with stuff. So we allocate time when he does his garage thing and I go do something else. That way we are both happy. Then later we talk about what we got up to in our own time eg. how many times he dropped hot solder on his foot etc. Some time apart is a good thing as it can get stifling if you are always together.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast... - AJ Rimmer
Most of the guys I know are playing City of Heroes with their girlfriends or their wives. (unless they're still playing gunbound or some other game) The only people I know who aren't are the husband and wife couple who only own a single computer, so they basically take turns playing. If she doesn't like it when you play video games, dump her and go find a woman who shares your interests.
[o]_O
Mod parent up!
It's all just tonguework, after all...
SB
It's old. The more humans I meet, the more I like my cats. At least they are honest.
Don't forget somebody set up us the dead horse
Have your wife find a hobby. If she games also, great! Otherwise when you get home from work talk with her about her day If your wife cooks, help her. If that means loading up the dishes and she's cool with just that, fine. Play your game for a couple of hours per night. Not every night. Limit your time spent gaming, make a schedule. She might want to read a book, go for a walk, whatever.
It's not like you have to spend ALL your free time with her, but she'll still like to know that you're there and that you think about her.
You might not be get a great score in Unreal Tournament 2004, but you'll win at the game that really matters.
if CoH is online multiplayer.. why not just set up a box with the damn game and have her play as well?
I know my significant other would, well, she'd prolly have me play Ragnarok Online with her. (she's the gaming nut, I'm a casual gamer, play only when I'm bored.)
there are some girls, me among them, that do enjoy a rousing game of command and conquer. i also had a level 40ish necromancer back in the day. i've got two full gaming workstations on my lan at home (which i built, thank you)--me and my SO play against 5 or 6 brutals til the wee hours of the morn. we find this much more entertaining than watching TV....nothing like destruction to get the blood circulating ;)
Frankly, I'm the only one in the house who ever finishes our games. My husband buys them, for the most part, but I'm the one who actually plays them all the way through. Personally, I can't stand The Sims - I'm up for just about anything else though. We met in-game, and we've played together consistently over the years - started in EQ, went to DAoC, now City of Heroes... and all the off-line games in-between. He can beat me on some of the fighting games (I still rule DOA though), and I kick his ass in strategy. I think, counting back, that I've actually been playing games longer than he has. My whole family played together (ok, minus my Mom) and so I think we got an early start on being able to balance games with life.
:)
Admittedly, it's not like you can expect whoever you fall for to have the same interests... so for the standard reality-check - make sure your girl's getting enough time, and that your gaming isn't taking away from your relationship... then Hero away. A couple other things to remember:
1) The game will be there when you go back. If life's calling, hang up on the game... so maybe you lose some exp, or you annoy your group - there are far worse things to lose than that.
2) Try to make sure that you're not losing time - telling someone you'll be home (or will meet them, pick them up, etc.) "in an hour" and coming home three hours later is being an ass no matter what you were doing. I used to be terrible about that.
3) Take care of your responsibilities out-of-game. The game is more likely to be the focus of anger for your partner if you're not doing your share of housework, food prep, dog feeding, all that stuff. (It also means that your gaming time is much less likely to be interrupted with timed demands to do chores.)
Good luck, and it is possible.
~ Leilah
Other then the two obvious solutions ...
Please, it should be "than" here, not "then."
Anyway, you should do what I do... save all the computer goofing around for work. It sounds like your fellow players are there already, and probably a nice LAN. Just blow a good 5 hours or so a day playing games, and put in a few hours of work. You'll get your gaming taken care of, and it'll be totally guilt-free, as you won't be taking time from the SO. Unless your SO happens to be your boss, of course.
"Would it kill you to put down the toilet seat?" -- Maya Angelou
This reminds me of that little country song... I'm gonna miss her!
Got Code?
Ok you guys that are having problems because your wives don't like you playing video games can just be quiet...
My wife stole my World of Warcraft beta, AFTER she declined my offer to apply for her too.
On a similar note, she plays as much or more City of Heros as I do.
I've been a hardcore if it bleeds it leads gamer since the original wolfenstein games (and I aint talking the 3d one, this one was nice and flat and 2d)
Geek grrls and gamer grrls exist, we just tend to be rather independent and not terribly needy of male companionship...and when we do seek it out yes (at least a good chunk of us anyway) seek fellow geeks. It is hard as hell for a man to understand any techy female if he ain't into it too...I think it hurts the male ego if a girl out-techs the guy...
In another game, I played Protoss and he played Zerg. Again we were out of our league, and were preciptiously balanced on the ledge of victory or defeat and we were both teetering toward defeat. I thought his economy was screwed, and he thought the same of me. Somehow, he pulled out a batch of mutas while I launched a Reaver/Dragoon drop that I thought would be useless. We met, surprisingly, at the same location, and devastated out opponent.
Yeah, we talk about old girlfriends and such. But it's not quite the same as those intense Starcraft games. We talk about many other things too, but not with the same gleam in the eye.
Now neither of us play; he likes poker, I like reading and other things. If I had to do it all over again I don't know if I'd still go for Starcraft, but to deny videogames their rightful place along other forms of entertainment like movies or books is wrong.
I play Ultima Online and have been for 6 years. My fiance' plays too. Most weekends you find us pounding away on our keyboards adventuring together. Since our computers are in seperate rooms, it is not uncommon for us to talk to each other in-game.
I have been gaming for years and years, started on an Atari computer... anyone remember Qix? My first husband never understood the love of gaming. Now, much to his dismay, both his adult children are gamers. My son is more into the fighting games and my daughter, sadly, is addicted to Sims.
"Honey look at the cute bears"? No wonder she's pissed! Find her a game she really likes instead of insulting her intelligence and gender.
Karma, We don't need no stinkin' karma!
For females (which is most likely who we are talking about here), buy a nice necklace or earrings for every 10 levels that you advance in the game. ;-)
Seriously though, your significant other most likely just feels left out or that they are not getting enough time with you. Just show them that you care more about them than the game and they will most likely "play along".
I had a perfect situation with my exso (Winky Pops). She's an intelligent, vivacious, caring, honest, randy, payroll manager for a rather large brewery. She brought me home a case of beer every week. She managed my finances and I always had money to do buy the best hardware and games. We travelled and took holidays together. Her job required her a good nights sleep, starting at 9pm on weeknights. She would kiss me good night and so long as I hadnt been ignoring her libiduos needs, she would leave me alone to drink beer and play World War II Online till all hours of the night. She loved and respected my inner geek. Upon deciding that this wasnt good enough for me, I moved out and invited an old flame exso and her jubilant 5 yo offspring to move in with me. Shes turned out to be a judgemental, selfish, emmotionless cow. Whos laughing now!
In any case, there's a VERY big world out there. I'm sure you can find somebody who is suited better for you than a dime-a-dozen computer game junkie.
Though, a gamer like the one you describe is probably a lot less expensive than dating an alcoholic.
Your call. Your life.
Good luck.
-FL
I'm lucky; my SO loves playing The Sims while I play DAoC. I'll never understand, but I certainly won't complain.
When I was in the City of Heroes beta test I had to set out set times with my girlfriend that I'd play while she went out and did something else. And she had to leave the house for sure because CoH is one of those turn on Auto Attack mmorpg's and so I'd be responding to her with a 2 minute delay. I try not to get into mmorpg's but if I want to I can just buy her another gba game. I went out and got her a gba, a bunch of classic nes games for it and a gamecube to boot so she could display the games on tv. She's way into too and oddly enough way better at mario bros and contra than I ever was. There's a suggestion for you. Target her youth filled hobbies.
also kinda OT, but hey, /. is to help each other right? If you don't mind using a long distance (calling MA) calling card, it costs 1Cent a minute to Japan, and a bunch of other countries.
RNK Tel I am NOT affiliated in any way w/ this company other than being a very loyal customer for many months. They are excellent (never had to call customer service so can't answer for that), and the rates are impecable.
--sig fault--
A man marries a woman and expects her never to change. She always does.
"
why would you rather be playing video games than seeing your girlfriend? man, i would much rather enjoy the presence of a woman than that.
/.er, but i'm not blind.
i mean, i'm a
Shortly after starting DAOC when it came out, I let my wife start a character on my account. Before I knew it I was buying another box and paying for a second account. She made it to level 43 before getting tired of it. Try turning your SO onto a game by letting them make a toon and giving it a spin. Chicks dig MMORPGs.
The solution is simple: Love your wife/SO/whatever while they are awake, and get some executive justice in Paragon City at night while they are asleep.
Game in moderation when possible, but accept the fact that relationships = compromise. If you love your SO you gotta give them some of your time. If it means that you are a little tired tomorrow morning at work because you had to get 3000 XP to hit level 22, SO BE IT.
My wife's comment is: "At least you hang out with me FIRST."
My response: "EXACTLY!"
I hang out with her FIRST, she feels the love, and I play City of Heros SECOND, so that I can save some innocents and get my gaming time in for the day.
The devil's in the details: Be with the SO FIRST, plays games SECOND... point this out to your SO, and they'll think you're super sweet for thinking of them FIRST.
I'm telling you, being a gamer and in a relationship is cake... you just have to know the system.
"We're gonna need a bigger boat." - Jaws
Even she needs alone time. Schedule certain days each week where you each get alone time (2 or 3 weekdays, but keep weekends as together time). Not only will it do wonders for the relationship but it will also make the times together even better.
All the Koei Dynasty Warriors games have interesting characters and plots, and at the same time are easy to pick up and play.
I got my wife totally hooked, now we play co-op all the time. Last time we went to the store, I casually noted that Samurai Warriors had just come out and she made me buy it. Yes, my wife MADE me buy a game. =)
I'd like a few more two-player coop games like them, with a similar play mechanic but different settings, for once we get sick of medieval Asia. I think my wife likes playing together on the same team best -- we've bought Jeopardy and some other board game adaptations, and rented a couple of games she wanted like Harry Potter, but none have captured her fancy quite like DW.
"There are some people who, if they don't know, you can't tell 'em." - Louie Armstrong
Knowing that I am easily addicted to games, I carefully addicted my future wife to UO back in 97. It was amazing how patient she was at building my virtual riches by spending hours*months mining. Now, some years later, she quit her job, takes care of the bills, and plays games all day while I work (at least thats how I like to tell it to this private slashdot croud). Not that I am complaining, I am just saying 'it works both ways', when it works.
Now I am just fairly afraid to say anything about her work habits for fear that she might become more interested in something more than paying bills and games.
Yes, its very sad, but we like it that way.
I think you underestimate just how much I just dont care.
Whatever.
You can say the same about anything. Find a woman that has similar interests. If not, treat it like anything else you or your significant other might not be interested in (sports/music/etc) and spend time doing your own thing and find time to spend together on similar interests.
"Get a life? A real one?" What, exactly constitutes a "real" life?
======== In the future, everything will be artificial. ========
In short, cue the, "Man, you don't know me!" à la trashy Springer-talk-show-style. heh. ;)
I let my girlfriend create a COH character and play it for a while...
...I'm getting way less sleep lately because instead of telling me it's time to go to bed, she stays up late playing with me. I guess I can learn to deal with that!
Then we ended up going to the store and buying her a copy of her own...
Her usual idea of computer gaming is Flash puzzle games and stuff. Now she plays COH more than I do (In fact, she's playing now, as I sit here posting on Slashdot).
I'm in danger of her SECONDARY character passing my primary's level... If that happens I'll never hear the end of it!
So try letting the SO create a character and mess around and see what happens.
I must warn you though, there can be a downside
Hey, here is a good solution to gaming in college. During the term, you promise your girlfriend no gaming and your free time, that way your studies and your relationships blossom, then during the summer you get it all out of your system with all your free time. Its worked for 3 summers now at MIT and our relationship is great... plus my gpa doesn't suffer. Goodluck and good gaming
Here's a pseudo-tmesis for ya: Time Fucking Management
Let me reiterate the most insightful line I've seen in this whole topic from the parent:
Communication will get to the bottom of your issue.
PS: was personally a fan of nvc, but simple honest talking is a great way to start.
I am a girl gamer, and I have been dating a guy for the last three years now who does not like to game at all. Sometimes I can persuade him to play a quick game of Civ 2, Starcraft or Halo, but he's really not interested. Whereas gaming is one of my biggest hobbies.
;) He puts up with my ramblings about the theories I have about the game I am currently playing, I put up with his ramblings about the new power converter he bought. Actually, that is kinda interesting, but he's a poor conversationalist ;)
And as many have said, compromise is the thing. I've had this relationship for three years now, and all the success comes down to us sometimes doing things he likes, and sometimes doing things I like - and a lot of the time, doing things we both like
It bugs me when otherwise funky geeks pigeonhole women into the "oh look, cute fluffy bunnies" games. sure there's a market for them, but a lot of us find it really condescending.
I started playing StarCraft almost the very day I broke up with my last girlfriend, and haven't had one since. Granted, I went through a period of 2 years without playing, but, I wonder if they're linked...
Get your GF to play.
It doesn't matter how, take her through the char creation if you must. Chicks dig that. Thats how I got my SO into DAOC. Once she saw the cute little elf girl she just had to play. YMMV
If she ends up playing it she loves you. Otherwise, dump her she's not worth it lol.
Lousy facepalm.
is a big shot of 'get off your ass and do something productive while with the significant other!'
:(
;(
Or at least that's what my wife has been telling me for the past 2 years...and admittedly my mudding has dropped about 4hrs a day
and while everyone and their mother(literally) xp's and lvl's like crazy...I'm stuck with a honey-do list to keep me busy from the time I get home til "bed time" roughly 3hrs before I ever went to bed prior to marriage...
I even tried to tell her that I'm practicing my coding with my immort...bah...no luck there either...set her up a computer and said "look, we can play together..." no luck there...
Hooked up the GameCube with a variety of multi-player games...no luck there...
reverted to the N64..with mario kart!!!..
AH HA!!! GOTCHA!...now she kicks my arse on a nightly basis
"Just Smile and Nod." --Huck
Find her a game she really likes instead of insulting her intelligence and gender.
YES! I would be insulted if my boyfriend said something like that to me and actually meant it. Then I'd go play Halo to work off my aggression ;)
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Just say: "Listen wench, if you weren't such a dead fuck maybe I would spend more time with you. And you could swallow once in a while. Now bitch get in the kitchen and make me some pie!"
Seriously, if you have to ask this question then it's time to reevaluate your relationship. It's less interesting than a computer game for god's sake!
So the parent poster finds Japanese people attractive? Big deal. It's a fine line between seeking out someone who you find attractive, and choosing someone based on their race, I agree, and trying to find a partner based on physical characteristics is a pretty pointless plan. However, I don't think it's your place to judge.
Also, your post begins by attacking overly generalized statements about groups of people, then ends by stating that "Japanese women are a bit immature". True, that's just your opinion, but if you want people to respect your views you may want to give a little ground yourself, rather than badgering the parent poster about being arrogant.
I can certainly see what you are saying, and I think it's completely true that relationships can't be based solely on physical things. Nevertheless, I don't think you have any right to criticise the parent poster's views though, or his alledged "showing off" (which I interpreted as simple pride about having an attractive SO!)
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
-- Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
Scared of women!
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
-- Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
"Too much words" this early for me.
Why don't you try to get the girlfriends together for a girls' night out or something similar? Fund it the first time, and then less and less funding until they're doing things on their own.
You could try getting 'the girls' into some of the GameCube multiplayer games (Mario Party, Super Smash Brothers, Mystic Heroes, etc.), and they could have "game night" while "the boys" are playing.
Those are games that we play when we have friends over, and even our non-hardcore-gaming friends can get into beating each other up.
Luckily, I don't have this problem. My husband and I like the same types of games, especially the multi-player ones. We're both NOT PC gamers, both NOT FPS gamers, etc. Console gamers, both, usually GC, usually from the couch with the wavebird.
The other alternative is to curb your gaming some to spend time with the girly. Compromise some. Spend one night you'd normally game doing something nice with her. "Honey, I thought that we could go to a movie or dinner (or stay in with a video) instead of me gaming tonight." would probably do wonders. I'm not saying quit, just cut back a bit if you want to keep the girl.
No girl likes to be ignored, and it's easy (as a geek) to get tunnel vision. If you focus on the games too long, though, you'll have the game, and lose the girl without too much effort.
It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable. It's a lot wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.
actually i've found that you can read/program/game while your sigfig is on the fone with you, and STILL manage to do both well... just keep going uh-huh.. and keep an ear out for certain key words ("pregnant" is a major one) and just let it buzz past you. practice and you'll actually manage to get to the point where you can game and carry on a "significant" (at least to her it will be) convo with her at the same time.
Suchetha
learn from yesterday, plan for tomorrow, party tonight
or one out of three ain't bad
Our bi-weekly league races online are a different matter though; both my kids and my wife know my room is off-limits during the actual race which lasts an hour or so on Saturday afternoon. I told them that "other hubbies might go out to watch a football game and return drunk, while I'm sitting in my chair pretending to drive a racecar" which has to be better in their books
Our racing league has been racing together for over six years now, and quite a few friendships and meetings in RL have resulted from our hobby, so there's another upside to present to my better half.
Ever wondered whats wrong with the world? http://www.ishmael.org/
I have stopped playing computer games and my life is better and fuller now. Really.
And I have played games excessively for more than 20 years. Until it cost me a woman which I loved very much.
The games we can play with the other sex are more fun and more meaningful in the end. Don't try to convince your girl to play, stop playing yourself.
Moritz
In my case, she did bite, just not the game... My arm for being an insensitive boyfriend :P
Thankfully my significant other plays more games more often than I do. I'm very lucky in this respect. It's great to have a digitally aware relationship.
At least my soon-to-be wife does.
Only recently came to that conclusion. Bought her 'Black Mirror'... The funny thing is the first hours she played that game, she didn't even know a right-click performed an action while a left-click examined an item. And than she thought she was stuck... imagine her enthousiasm when she accidentaly found out about it.
Maybe I can even keep her busy with those old Sierra games...
Next thing you know, I'm in laying in bed all alone shouting 'AREN'T YOU TIRED YET HONEY?'...
How hard is it to sit down and figure out your priorities.
Sig-o - can lead to marriage and a lifetime of hell on Earth.
Game - leads absolutely nowhere.
Hurm - um - nevermind, not so easy.
Judge: Why?
/.ers beg disbelief sometimes.
Me: I can't play Legend of Zelda in peace.
Judge arghhhhh.
The solutions of some
IANAL but write like a drunk one.
"Do this, but I warn you, it did not work for me!"
I am rushing to follow your insightful advice....
IANAL but write like a drunk one.
Yes games spoil relationships !
Chris ,
Php Programmers.
My wife records 4 hours of soap operas every day via TiVo. While I'm gaming, she's watching soaps.
There's no hope of getting her involved in gaming. She doubles over laughing every time she sees me wearing my PS2 or Xbox Live headset. It's hard to concentrate on a game when your wife is always calling you "Linda, the Time-Life Operator" every time she passes through the room.
What if the Hokey-Pokey really is what it's all about?
.... you have got your priorities right:
....
1.Work
2.Gaming.
3.WIfe.
4.The thing crying over there.
IANAL but write like a drunk one.
Help your S.O. to a more full life and you should have no problems getting time for your own activities. Many people believe this to be one of the primary tasks of a S.O. - to help live life to the fullest.
-
sig sig sputnik
I solved this issue with my wife by being sneaky. I left out my gba sp with a certain game in it that happens to rhyme with hokemon. She is now so hooked, that I had to buy myself a new gba sp and am looking into getting a gc with coliseum on it.
Thing is, she is into horses. I do not ride - something about two bad experiences with horses. Therefore, normally I get to sit and watch her ride; watch the horse eat grass, etc... I just game then. I helped the owners hook up WIFI (with WPA thank you very much) all over their land. You can pick up a signal any were. Therefore, I do my gaming in the middle of a grass pasture watching a horse eat grass.
If you get a woman that wants all of you free time and will not give you any 'useless' gaming time, you need to sit her down and talk with her. It is your hobby. Point out her 'useless' hobbies that she drags you along on. Be honest but fair with her. If she still throws a fit, I would guess it would be time to start shopping for a new one.
In God we trust, all others require data.
to have more than one computer. And for goodness' sake, make sure those computers are more-or-less equal in capability!
Otherwise, make sure you spend some time with her every day (the current psych wisdom is to spend at least 20 minutes a day with her, talking or doing some activity).
The more things you can find to do with your spouse (besdies screw and/or take care of the podlings) the better off you'll be in the long run.
Good Luck
"If god did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him" --Voltaire
I got a lot of grief for a long time until I installed Gunbound (www.gunbound.net) on her computer and now she's hooked bad. Now she gets mad when I won't play gunbound with her.
First your interpretation of my comment is completely messed up. I was not even going to reply until I considered that other people would read your comment and might take part of your interpretation with them.
;-) I'm not" I could understand why you might have taken that point of view. My whole point was that I am not Japanese, which implied that my long distance rate was not based on intra-country rates but rather inter-country rates.
If I had written "My SO is Japanese
The fact that you wrote such a long statement about interaracial issues based on your misinterpretation and your past "experience" suggests to me that you really need to get out more. Passing judgement (these women couldnt be trusted) on a whole culture from your isolated experiences is both wrong and... well f*cked up.
I love my wife dearly, she is one of nicest and most considerate people I know (if it means anything she has a BS in nursing and works as a registered nurse at a hospital) and is neither immature nor untrustworthy. If I had to say, it is you who need to not only think outside the box, but actually get outside of your cultural box.
-- The morphemes of your disquisition are ascertainable, but they have eschewed an ambit of transpicuous exposition.
My SO actually had a playstation herself before we met. So now we've got 2. I've thought about selling on and getting an X-box or something, but every once in a while we need two. Typically I play on weekends. With 2 playstations, I can play on the big screen, or move up to another TV if she wants to watch TV or play games herself. This way, when she is otherwise occupied, I can play, when she isn't, we can do something together. I've found that having the 2nd machine other than on the main TV works great, since that is the TV she'll most likely be watching, especially as that is where the Tivo is.
Oh, I'll check it out thanks.
"Piter, too, is dead."
Man, that can really chew you up...
Um. You know you don't have to play Warcraft III (or most games like it) one on one, right?
I've had a lot of fun playing Starcraft with matchups like: 2 more highly skilled players taking on 3 less good players. Obviously, the bigger the skill disparity, the more you have to kick up the ganging factor -- but you can always split the better players between teams as well.
It's all about compromise. I get game time in allotments. So far I've gotten 2 hours a day in exchange for.
:)
1) Allowing her and her girlfriends to use the living room on Sunday afternoon for her candle parties.
2) I get a few hours for each complaint free chick movie excursion.
3) I got a month worth of time for the diamond bracelet I bought her.
4) She'd been wanting me to try something I never particularly cared to try in bed, so...
5) Flowers, just because (you want more game time) sometimes work.
6) And the best one of all, take a day away from the game and pamper her all day long.
My S/O actually loves the game. She said she's never gotten her way more then since SWG came along. I guess it all depends on how much you want to play the game and what you're willing to give up for that game.
AlbyCorp Bio-Components New Coventry, Corellia, Intrepid (-701, 324) for all your tissue and pet product needs.
-Al
Fun for all ages, for either gender. Seriously, I've seen kids and adults of either gender get addicted to this. It doesn't take a huge amount of skill and it's pretty easy to pick up the basics of gameplay.
Wat? So fa I ha'ent no'iced any bad sid' effets of being a compolsuv cunilingus giver!
This last semester I was dating, working 40+, and trying to finish my Master's. What became crystal clear to me was the amount of feldercarb in my life that doesn't mean anything. Television was dropped (with two exceptions that I taped and watched at odd hours). Gaming was something I did only for an hour to break the tension of writing my thesis. The things that truly matter are the things you give your time to, without reservation.
That said, if you have to ask how to juggle an SO and your game time, you aren't ready to have an SO.
"Here endeth the lesson." Sean Connery The Untouchables
... then you won't even have time for Snood, much less any fricken MMORPG.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. - Mark Twain
I have gamed on/off most of my life, and wasn't really gaming much when I met my wife (although 6 months previous, I was on EverCrack). Last year for Xmas I wanted to get back into some video gaming systems on console... I did my regular homework to get up to speed on pros/cons of the platforms but took some other things into consideration.
I ended up getting a Nintendo Gamecube for a few reasons. My wife likes Mario Kart, so I got Double Dash and it's an instant gratification that's great for multi-player. The controllers are relatively small - my wife's hands are smaller, and it'll be good for when our son is old enough to play. Also, there's almost no connectivity - mainly considered a big con on the system but the upshot to me is that while I can play games I love (e.g. Metroid Prime) it's always where I left it when I shut it off and I don't miss anything.
There are also more games that aren't about gore - if you feel women don't tend to gravitate towards those games you can consider that a pro, but also there are plenty of games to balance out violent games when my son is playing it. Realistically he will see/play games that are bloody, whether at friend's house or on my GC, but at least this way there's some balance.
I also love the abundance of single-room (multiplayer maybe, but not online) strategy games so he can play games that involve persistence and concentration and actually develop that little noggin rather than just feeding it frags all the time. I can't wait to tell it's possible to beat Splinter Cell with 1 actual kill in the whole game.
The only thing more dangerous than a file named -rf is renaming it -rf\ /
I could almost agree with those who say "turn your partner into a gamer", but then again...
;)
I managed to get my girlfriend hooked on Counter-Strike. The problem is that we live together, and there's only one gaming PC in the house.
So rather than enjoying a nice gaming sesh with her, we end up having to take turns to play. And of course, when I 'forget' about her turn and play for hours she gets all upset.
Still, even if I got another gaming PC there would be problems, as she doesn't like EverQuest, or other strategy games (can't win them all).
In the end I guess you can never expect your partner to like exactly the same things as you do, and when you spend hours doing those things you can expect a very annoyed partner waiting for you.
But here's a tip, this line normally works well: "Well at least I'm not spending all this time with another girl"
Use this line garuanteed to work, "Honey I love you, but you have to go!"
Seriously though, I have dealt with this issue for 9 years both in the console area and online. The thing I have found, is that you can talk to her and play. You know those times, where you are waiting for that last guy so you can load out and start the game. Well 5 or 10 minutes of uninterupted her time (by listening to her intently I mean) will do wonders. Also a few nights or a week off spent with her is sure to score you some heavy quality game time later on. I also make it a point to take my wife out at least 3 times a month. With one of those times bieng a coat and tie affair. This has kept my ass from getting fragged IRL.
A relationship is much more difficult than a game. There isn't a reset button and god knows I haven't found any cheat codes yet!
I am Bennett Haselton! I am Bennett Haselton!
You can't have 24/7 gaming and any kind of relationship (outside of the game). Don't even try.
You have to balance the gaming and your relationship if you are going to have both. This means: don't forget important dates - actually use your PDA; changing the topic from gaming now and again; remembering to get the little gifts and the big gifts; and dropping the game from time to time when your honey wants to do something else.
Seek balance.
Duh.
--Fac Iustum Nec Time-- --Veritas Prevalibit--
but, I recommend Mario Cart Double Dash. Fun for the whole family. There is also Mario Party.
My wife only likes Mario games...
Yeah, we talk about old girlfriends and such. But it's not quite the same as those intense Starcraft games. We talk about many other things too, but not with the same gleam in the eye.
;.)
Yeah right, Starcraft games
My mistake was actually letting my SO try the game in question, City of Heroes. Now it actually her sitting and playing on my computer until 5 am, while I want to sleep....
To me, women are the things with long hair and big boobs that I play with on Biko 3.
Starbucks, Harbuckle of Breath.
Now guys, im a girl and i know what it feels like. Im addicted to games and my bf (who was supposedly also a gamer and a nerd when we met) bitches and moans when i dare to play with my pc more than with him! Its driving me NUTS !! We almost broke up because of this. I want my GAMMEESSS !! dammit ! but of course in all relationships you gotto give stuff up. I still ly awake in bed fantacising about playing my games (and no, its not solitaire or sims!). WHY CANT THEY JUST PLAY WITH ?!?! you know, there is such a thing as LAN !! HELLO !!
My boyfriend spend hours and hours playing that thing, he always got excuses for playing "i got a match with the team" "i got a training with the team" "im stressed", etc...and then when he plays he shout like a mad man, i cannot even watch tv. we live together and i hate that game...sometimes he make me feel like that game is more important than me because when he plays he dont even listen to me most of the times because he is too focused into that thing. I sometimes think its my fault or because we cannot go out much because its too expensive here and we dont have lots of money...but i believe we could do other stuff together rather than me watching him play (i get really bored to see him play specially when i want to do something with him i have to wait for hours) I like some games too i admit i am a geek but not to the point of fragging all night while my dear one is sleeping. If you want my advice, try to give some atention to your girlfriend i believe its more important than just a game. Dont make your girlfriend feel this way...its just not nice and sometimes it makes you feel really bad.
Does this run under Wine?
Is there a linux version? If so, are there RPMs for it? Too lazy to mess with compiles...
Intolerance for ambiguity is the mark of the authoritarian personality.
Hah! Reread your own post. Doesn't that sound a bit racist yourself? (Not that you meant it.)
And don't you think that you are being a little too subjective about your parent post? He very well could "[love] her for who she is" and you just felt like bashing on him for using a winking smily face emoticon. That meant he was being racist when he said it? That he was taking advantage of her?
(I AC to flamebait so that I won't encourage an entire flaming thread.)
Let's go Hurricanes!!! 2006 Stanley Cup Champions!!!
Oops. I forgot to AC!!!
Let's go Hurricanes!!! 2006 Stanley Cup Champions!!!
first off being racist and discriminating in the literal sense(not the typical), are two diffrent things. i never said he diddnt love her, he might indeed be racist, if you think that japanese are cutest, that is being racist. i dont know that he is taking advantage of her. but i would like that you think about what i write a little more.
ATTN: anyone who claimed tha i was being racist should look up the defintion of being a racist and a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=dis criminate">discriminating. notice that there is nothing wrong with discriminating as long as it has basis. every day you discriminate, what suit looks better, what car you want to drive. discriminating is: To perceive the distinguishing features of; recognize as distinct; To distinguish by noting differences.
there is nothing wrong with anything i said, except maybe that he was being arrogant for being even slightly racist. also, just because you dont like what i have to say, doesnt mean its wrong. moreover what it probably means is that its something that you dont want to hear, you may identify with what im saying. and if so, you probably codone it (quite wrongly, because racism is wrong). but alas its the TRUTH, and the truth hurts. america at large acts (especially politicians) too diplomatic, instead of facing problems , they accomidate to them.
if everyone faced the truth, faced the problems, we could start to fix all the things wrong in this country
Using the definition you provided, I don't happen to believe that the way a person looks = character or ability. And it is hard to discern between a person who likes women with smooth cheeks or fine hair or brown eyes versus one who strictly prefers a given race. If a person likes A, B, & C and it turns out that lots of people of X have A, B, & C, that doesn't mean that he is racist toward people X or that he takes advantage of people X.
But, of course, in usual
Let's go Hurricanes!!! 2006 Stanley Cup Champions!!!
the point i was trying to prove was that i wasnt being racist, but rather i was being discriminatory (with merit). while someone who emphasizes on the importance of someone's race(from looks i believe) is racism. for example, the paraphrased quote " my SO. is japanese, (im not ;-)"
but your generally right about the point on seperating race and facial features
im just pissed because people misread and misinterperated what i said. and i got modded down.
but i wonder if some point in the future the human race will become so mixed there will only be one race. i think i saw a south park episode about that.
anyways i dont have anything against you, you seem like a smart guy, and even more offtopic, is that i got an xbox, and im wondering what mods you did to it.
I've found that the best time to play on the pc (games or otherwise) is to get her to call a friend. That'll normally buy you 1-1.5 hours (or more if you're lucky).
She has fun, you have fun - it's a win-win situation!
Oh, I don't know if you should have been modded down or anything. Except that we may have been off-topic. I don't think it was flamebait or troll, but I've never had mod points yet. Such is life. I wasn't trying to attack you personally (but sorry, I think I did), but I respond to the 'r' word sometimes.
Let's go Hurricanes!!! 2006 Stanley Cup Champions!!!
modpoints are a funny thing. they are based upon how your comments are modded, your meta-moderations(people who meta moderate unfair too often seem to get no mod points), and how often you visit slashdot. in fact if you visit slashdot too much, you wont get mod points. anyways i read one of your posts on xbox modding. ~$200 isnt bad for a computer, but i bought mine second hand from a organization that recycles, and donates computer for needy families. they use debian on all of their boxen, and i bought my 800mhz 256mb 20gb, for 45$. but one thing i would like to do with the xbox i have is put a large hdd inside, and copy dvd's onto it. and use it to replay them at a moments whim. with good xvid encoding, i bet i could get about 225 hours of video on a 100 gb drive.
Yeah, I visit /. too much. Plus I am too new. You have to be in the older 92.5%. As you can see by my /. id#, that will be awhile.
As you may have noted from my XBox posts, I don't know very much about modding an XBox. I definitely wouldn't do it myself.
Let's go Hurricanes!!! 2006 Stanley Cup Champions!!!
damn, i cant remember exactly when i made my slashdot username, but it seems alot older than most of them out there. i think what happened was that probably 6 years ago i might have made an account at my middle school, and just forgot about it, then tried to sign up again, realizing i had an account. anyways, if you care to chat sometime, starworks5@yahoo.com. is my mail and instant messenger address, and occasionally i use MSN, starworks5@hotmail.com. but i hate using MS products because im afraid that black helicopters are going to raid my house eventually, and mr gates will walk up with a 45 auto and put a hole in me. just so happens me and my father wrote the first opensource software legislation. the oregon source/open standards bill (hb2982). and as a funny coincidence, someday in the future i may meet linus, because he too, is also moving to oregon.... just my luck
anyways me and some friends have this idea of starting an army and massing around gate's house on lake washington. and yelling our techno-related war cries, before pulling out laptops and old ibm keyboards(mine is circa 1984, i was born '85), in an all out melee on the gates manor.
Yeah, yours is pretty old. Your id# is 139327 and mine is 773870. It looks like mwmitton (788014) is the newest user. Apparently, you are in the oldest 20%.
(To find the newest user, just keep changing the id# in the link until it's not valid, then back up. Do kind of a binary search.)
Let's go Hurricanes!!! 2006 Stanley Cup Champions!!!