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Ho, Ho, Ho
neutron_p writes "Every Christmas, calculations circulate that cast doubt as to whether Santa Claus could possibly deliver gifts to all the world's good children - and still remain within the laws of physics. To deliver gifts to all who deserve them, they assert, Santa would need to move so fast that he would vaporise due to air resistance, be torn to pieces by gravitational forces or suffer other terrible fates we wouldn't wish for Santa Claus. Now a team of four top researchers looked into the case and concluded: Santa can do the job and Christmas is saved! They concluded that Santa has an ion-shield of charged particles, held together by a magnetic field to solve the heat problem and he probably travels in more than four dimensions." jgaynor writes "Inspired by an old slashdot article , I decided this year to create a 'christmas lights frontend' to our Network Management System. It came out well and has had a definite impact on response times. Videos of the results are here: WMV, AVI, REAL." Mrs. Claus writes "The NORAD Santa Tracker is up and running and ready to track the Big Guy on Christmas Eve. They've got photos of 50 years of catching Santa in the act." And if you didn't listen to the Blizzard Christmas tale we mentioned in the previous post, you're missing out.
If we can tell people the truth about Santa Claus, they can be more immune to all the pseudoscience out there. It's not a big leap from that to astrology, or creationism. In a world where "martyrs" cause havoc in hope of reaching "heaven", what we need is stark reality.
With the cyberthalamus, the singularity will happen.
or santa could just use human cloning and defeat the laws of physics
did you forget to take your meds?
Okay guys... what's up?
Did Santa take away your Net connection or something?
I'm pulling 115k/sec on the video downloads and 200k/sec from Blizzard's ftp site...
Everyone knows Santa has a time machine.
Sorry, my karma just ran over your dogma.
worm holes, if he could open enough at once he could theorectically deliver all the gifts at once! though, he would nee to keep all the gifts in one spot...maybe a tempory black hole, then they would be a infintely small ingulairty and he could retrieve them whenever ... or maybe I'm a programmer who knows nothiing about physics :P (though it would be awesome if santa used worm holes...)
He knows when your are sleeping,
He knows when you're on the can,
He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.
You better not breathe, you better not move,
You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.
Santa Claus is gunning you down!
It's easy. There just aren't that many kids who deserve presents. Bah. humbug.
Shouldn't our top physicists be working on something more important that Santa Claus? Can their Ion shield protect us against this?
Look folks, can't we just let Santa be the exception where we don't bother applying rules of science! What's wrong with just believing in good ol' fashioned Xmas magic?!
/.
Well, I say the exception to the rule...I use the term 'magic' to explain to my parents how technology works.
Oh, and merry holidays
I'm not stressed. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.
Santa only delivers presents to kids who have been GOOD ALL YEAR.
That brings it down to like 4 or 5, so he really isn't all that rushed.
Santa really needs to consider selling that authoritative list of "naughty" girls. He could make a killing with that thing.
Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.
Then he could occupy all points in the universe simultaneously- the only way to deliver presents to all the little girls and boys in the Federation.
Give a man fire, and you warm him for the night. Set a man on fire, and you warm him for the rest of his life.
Give up the computer and do something useful today. Oh, wait, I'm on the computer...
Sometimes i wish i could travel in just 4 dimensions, not more then 4, well maybe 12 or 13 could be fun and allow for me to pass light in the 500 m dash.
If NORAD put as much effort into real Security as they did this nonsense, America would be a safer place.
I'm sure whoever did this had a lot of fun though.
-- DuckWing
it's called parents
Okay not to be anti-Christmas, which I'm agnostic about being neither from America or a christian... But am I the only one who thinks this Santa thing might not be in the best interest of a child? I mean teaching them that gifts come from some magic guy instead of the parents? Or is Santa just a scapegoat so the parents don't get blamed when the kid doesn't get the more outlandish presents he asked for?
my password is private, but unchanged.
PUNY Mortals!!
San-ta does not operate within the confines of your primative "fourth dimension"!
San-ta exists on as many levels of reality as are required to finish his mission!!
Time and space are but clay to his vast, overpowering will!
The answer to all of Santa's secrets is simply 42.
Santa has been outsourced. We had to do it. For the price of one Santa we got 3 guys from India. The elves have been outsourced, too, from China. Which is actually a good thing. Now we'll all get electronics.
He's actually a Q.
"It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful." - Anton LaVey
Um...adults...there is no Santa...sorry.
My theory involves robots (which automatically makes it better than yours) and Microsoft's Windows.
As we all know, FedEx won't deliver anything until Monday, that's because all of Santa's robots bluescreen and he has to contract FedEx to deliver all his presents.
Santa has been going fast ever since he installed warp engines on the back of the sleigh.
He also stops time, just for the heck of it.
He uses an RSS reader to update the naughty and nice list too!
Merry Christmas Slashdot !
-- +
It's because it's using the Intel 263 Codec... a brief Google search shows that you can download it from this webpage...
Here are coral cache links to the actual codec downloads:
Intel 263 Codec for Win NT/2K/XP
Intel 263 Codec for Win 95/98/ME
Informative?
(f/x: shakes head in despair...)
The NORAD Santa Tracker is up and running and ready to track
What sort of torrents do they host?
-------
Support Indy Music. Buy
I think not. I want my 8 minutes and 26 seconds back.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
"The appearance of hyperlinks does not constitute endorsement by the NORAD of the Web site or the information, products or services contained therein. NORAD does not exercise any editorial control over the information you may find at these locations. Such links are provided consistent with the stated purpose of the NORAD Tracks Santa Web site." Also, this isn't on a .mil site? Is this even endorsed by NORAD? The above disclaimer leads me to believe it's not.
Good god, have a drink and relax. Oh, and pull the stick out of your ass.
Aaarggh...
The background.... it.... burns....
Someone needs santa to bring them some vague sense of aesthetics.
Speaking of how Santa can do the impossible, how did you hear Santa can keep track of how children are naughty or nice? (The old Rankin/Bass Christmas movies had him using a magical crystal snowball that the Winter Wizard taught him how to use.)
GRINCH!!!
Am I the only one who figured that Santa probably uses nondeterminism? Any time he has a choice between two houses to deliver to, he delivers to both of them at the same time.
"Evil will always triumph over good, because good is dumb." - Dark Helmet (Spaceballs)
It's privately sponsored, and completely staffed by volunteers. On a side note, you may want to bend over and remove the stick from your ass, you goddamn grinch.
how about we do a gift swap, and get eachother a gift from our list? here's my list.
I knew Slashdot catered to a younger audience, but this is ridiculous...
353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.
The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
Although he is not considered a threat per se (he is not known to display overt malevolent intent), the dangers inherent in Santa'a technologies (RTFA) and his use of nearly all of the planet's airspace warrant tracking by NORAD, IMO. This peaceful use of US military assets is also valuable politically, as it is freely shared and relied upon throughout the world for re-routing of commercial air traffic, alerting air defense systems, etc.
Lest we forget the budget-minded suspension of US Army protection of the Easter Bunny in 1997 and the horrific tragedies that followed!
If my parents bought me my last [every] christmas present what does that say about Santa's opinion of me?
:( :( :(
;)
YOU'RE PROMOTING THE DEGRADATION OF BEHAVIOR AS WE KNOW IT
YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK I WANT TO DIE
haha just kidding
Merry xmas
there are only a few country he needs to deliver.. :)
mostly western.. where a few gets visits by baby jesus or he visits early on december the 5th (I got no idea why he switched to so late in december.. it only get colder and darker outside..)
in countries like china, japan, india? afrika, south america he doesn't even visits or he delegates if it all.. this saves loads of time..
the question is could he visit all the kids in the US, canada, new zealand, france?, UK, in one night.. it's hardly the world.. just that small egocentric part
I just hope he's well equiped for when Mars is colonised :)
I still like my Dad's explanation on Santa much better:
"Son, there ain't no (expletive) Santa."
I must've been in kindergarden when I was told this. And it's no surprise that I picked up science as my career choice.
-h
ps. though I do not encourage anyone or myself for that matter to use my dad's answer. I'd prefer telling older kids that Santa Clause does exist in every one of the people who believes in him. The belief would magically turn the persons into Santa Clause on the night of Christmas Eve and bring you presents and happiness in your house....or some sentimental bullcrap like that.
technically, don't we all travel in 4 demensions?
space=3 of them
time is the 4th.....so....whats the big deal santa....
mat
"He knows you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake..."
Santa OBVIOUSLY has the help of Government, so I woudln't be surprised if they provided him with a teleportation machine along with this 'all-seeing' device he has.
Forget Santa, can someone explain the Easter bunny? He is a giant rabbit that delivers chocolate eggs to the children of the world. As a firm believer in evolution I have difficulty accepting that a rabbit (giant or normal size) can produce a large number of eggs on a regular basis, especially those made of chocolate. It would surely crush or melt any egg it produced.
So, what's the deal? Is the easter bunny a random mutation that has gained a fortunate advantage from the capitalist need for an April holiday? If eggs are part of the natural reproductive cycle, we have to question its purpose. If eggs come wrapped in multi-coloured paper, as opposed to their natural chocolatey (ewww!) state, do the colours play a specific role that help it to propogate?
We demand answers!
I use Quicktime!
The same article was published with pictures here!
Like most of my thoughts, this essay will not make most people very comfortable. Unlike mainstream media, I have stopped trying to make you feel good. Rather, through my writing I am trying to get you to face the uncomfortable reality of what is really going on.
Christmas means different things to different people. Some people take it as simply a break from work, other people see Christmas as a religious time. However, the prevailing story we all have is the one our parents told us growing up: Christmas is when we all come together as a family and Santa comes and leaves presents under the tree.
Santa does not exist. There, I said it. He is a fictional character we have created and one that perpetuates a complex lie presented to our children. This story involves reindeer, presents, chimneys, and the North Pole. That part of Christmas is all a big fat lie. Any kindergartener could tell you that, if you were just honest with your kids.
Lets talk about trees. Another tradition most people have is killing a tree and bringing it into our house, you know, for decoration. Why are we killing trees? Is it so that for two weeks we can enjoy the smell and sight of something natural in our lives? What happened to going for a walk in the woods? I would say that arbitrarily killing a tree so you can see it in your living room is not really the best use of trees.
But there are far more disturbing issues surrounding Christmas then what happens to the trees. Lets talk about the children, and that lie. What does it tell your children that you intentionally and repeatedly lie to them? Gee, when people lie to me, I dont trust them any more. As an adult, I choose not to keep those people in my life. That question is a softball compared to what some families do with Santa: How many of you have heard, Be good, or Santa wont bring you any presents How do you react when people threaten you?
Im not going to discuss the obvious lies and blatant contradictions in Christianity. Ill save that for another essay, save one thought. How could any good Christian stand by idly and watch the most holy of their holidays turned into a commercial circus? How is it possible that a whole nation full of Christians who say they believe in the holy status of Jesus feel comfortable with Christmas of today? And if you are not comfortable, why do you play the game? Where are your essays? What keeps you from saying what you feel?
Lets talk about commercialism. Christmas is simply buying laid bare. Buying is expected, encouraged, and assumed. Christmas and consumption are synonymous. Sadly, it is understandable. Buying is a choice. But like most choices, the actions people take that perpetuate commercialism are not completely conscious. Typically people feel bad and make choices to feel better, and for most people, those feels are completely hidden from their consciousness. Sadly, most people are so unwilling to examine what is really going on in their lives; they simply keep buying to try and feel whole, important, and O.K. This is a much larger essay, but Christmas brings it out like no other time.
Why do children want presents so much? Well, most kids just want love and security. First off, people teach them the story that more is better. This underlying assumption in western thought is pervasive, and underlies most peoples core assumptions about security and success. Material wealth leads to security. Second, most parents translate love for their children into buying them stuff. Its much easier to buy toys then to make time to really understand and accept your children as complete people. The substitution of material things for parental love is another core theme in Christmas.
Why do people accept the contradictions? Why do people perpetuate a blatant lie to their children about Santa? Mostly people accept lies because its easier to do that that to address the more disturbing conclusions hidden underneath that lie. In this case, lying to yo
Look, they're already there, they already have the equipment and resources, and I'd bet they get it all set up on their own time. What does it hurt?
--- Asking inconvenient questions for over 30 years...
I saw a sad thing the other day while shopping at Wal-Mart. There was a dude in a Santa Suit sitting in a chair up front near the check-out stands, and _no one_ was paying him any attention. No mothers shoving their kids up to see Santa, nothing. He just sat there, watching the reality of it all: One goes to Wal-Mart, buys your Xmas stuff, and passes the Big Man right on by. No asking the dude if you were a good little boy or girl, and having him instantly call up your record, and relate that to your chances of getting the gifts you want.
My question is, when, just when, did the "establishment" have Santa run those pesky background checks on the little ones right before Christmas? Was this an invention of the
Elementary School Marms Union? Sure smacks of something your old maid third grade teacher would come up with.
Perhaps the Santa - Database check was dreamed up by depression-era parents too tired to put up with overactive children, so they tied Christmas Presents to Behavior, all
kept on "Santa's List", an impossible database to hack, let alone find.
Anyway, Santa does have a Time Machine, and he has traveled to a place he really does not want to be now...
OK, next time put *SPOILER* in your title, sheesh.
Now that's funny.
Ceciliantas says,"your free to undon your armor if you so wish =) to cool off of course."
Ceciliantas says,"mm? you wish for me to take it off for you?"
Ceciliantas kisses her sweetly, as he helps her remove her armor for her slowly
Ceciliantas kisses her sweetly, as he helps her remove her armor for her slowly
Ceciliantas smiles at her as she flirts for him, pulling him over to the bed, he then helps her with the rest of her armor, setting them aside as well as her weapons.
Ceciliantas smiles and begins to remove his own armor, kissing her along the shoulders as he does so.
Ceciliantas his armor removed he lets her gaze as his naked being, he allows her to stratle him down to the bed.
Ceciliantas returns the kiss as she lays down upon him, both without any clothing, he reaches a hand and places it on her slit, rubbing it gently.
Ceciliantas smiles and begins to rub harder their with his hand, pressing his fingers inside now and then.
Ceciliantas strokes her back, he then listens to her whispers, and gently spreads her legs a little, taking his dick and slowly pushing it inside of her slit, going in all the way deep.
Ceciliantas keeps it inside of her, letting it stay in their until he knows she accepts it, or wishes to let off for now.
Ceciliantas thrusts a bit harder, going in deeper and a little faster , placing a hand on her cute butt patting and grabbing it gently as his other hand rubs her clit, he kisses her neck gently
Ceciliantas goes faster inside of her, now moving it inside of her clockwise to explore her with his dick as he continues to rub and manipulate her butt and clit as her breasts harden against his chest.
Ceciliantas starts to go deeper and harder, fast as he can as he spreads her legs a bit more and slaps her butt, keeping his other hand pressed onto her clit, he kisses her sweetly her breasts rubbing nicely against his chest.
Ceciliantas smiles and thrusts it all the way in deep, holding it their and then cums directly into her hot wet tight pussy
Ceciliantas continues to cum into her as she tries to catch her breath, holding on to him
Ceciliantas says,"^^ sweetie its very late and I got 4 hours before work. is it ok if we finish for tonight? hehe thought youd be all done with that"
Ceciliantas says,"Ill see you later angel, I got to get a delivery done for a crafter real quick then off to bed."
Ceciliantas says,"oh and stay in here as long as ya wish."
Maybe santa claus is really an Open Source movement that uses the people power of the parents of the world to spread its goal of happiness to children. The final stage of each christmas is when the children get to open source their gifts to be able to enjoy them. Such gifts that your aunt sends you a year in advance with a big "do not open till christmas" label on them, so called closed-source gifts, are looked down upon by the Santa community.
You yanks always complain about everything... what are you some PC freak that insists everyone says, "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas". Calm down.
Besides, I'm pretty sure it's all voluntary labour on behalf of the officers.
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
...so I could add you to my friends list. Good job.
According to the NORAD Santa tracker, Santa's position is where today changes into tommorow (I don't know what the exact name of the boundry is). By precisely between today and tommorow, he falls into a rift in time that allows him to do his thing!
Sheesh. get a life and learn how to enjoy it. When I was much younger I systematically scanned evry reciept and list and verified every itemized purchase my parents made against actual presents under the tree. You know what good that did anyone? Absolutely none.
But now that I got my head out of my rear end it's much more fun to play Santa. So what if Santa outsources to my parents, he outsources to me as well, and I'm happy to help out. The spirit of christmas - and of love and generosity - is sometimes embodied in anonymity like Santa et al. I know of countless times that I'd rather go mow the lawn for the old crank next door than mow my own lawn, because one was service, and the other was a chore.
The spirit of Christmas is also that of proactive interference for good. But to some people that is a grave offense against the infalibility and inevitability of fate. Humbug to them. If you choose to seek misery and grumpyness, all the presents in the world will get you nothing. Giving you a lump of coal or a potato is pointless as well, because your heart is too frozen and hardened to recieve or warm it.
My little sister bugged me for over a month for what I wanted for christmas. I have most everything I need, and what I want she can't afford. I also want to make sure I appreciate and will value it. So here before Christmas Day she has already given me the greatest present of all, the reminder that she loves me and cares about me.
I say Christmas has done me good, and I say God Bless it. Whether you accept that or not depends on whether you sewed your own stocking shut.
Norad is a joint effort between the US and Canada. The Canadians are in on it, Eh.
-- Having a Creationist Museum is like having an Atheist place of worship
Perhaps Santa has a way of dropping out of the
normal space-time continum, as to appear to him
that time is standing still (it's really not, but
for him it is). This would also explain how he
can deliver gifts to good little girls and boys
without getting jacked, blown up in an
unfortunate accident, shredded by rottwielers
guarding the premesis, getting beat up, bound,
and tortured by some psycho-sexual nutcase for
months on end, etc.... That's also why you never see his sleigh, or hear him go "HO HO HO",
because he's moving so fast (in our preception).
I'm sure it takes him years, or even
decades (in his time pocket) to deliver all
of the toys each Christmas eve.
Sorry, kids, but NORAD will not be tracking Santa this year. A suit filed in federal court on Tuesday by the ACLU and the People for the American Way alleges that any use of government computers to aid the fat man this year constitutes a clear violation of the separation of church and state.
In a related filing, the ACLU and PFTAW are bringing a class-action lawsuit against Santa, citing numerous cases of unlawful entry, breaking and entering, trespassing, as well as a civil complaint alleging illegal operation of a flying craft without proper inspections, piloting without a license, and flying through restricted airspace without proper security clearance and prior authorization.
Sorry, kids, Christmas is cancelled this year, and for the forseeable future. It looks like Santa will be spending the rest of his life in the pen, making big rocks into little rocks.
It must cost millions to play around with the buttons and have someone make a .rm file showing arbitrarily "where Santa is." T is for Troll.
Click here for a free picture of an iPod!
I think Santa really uses a Beowulf cluster of himself to distribute all the presents in time.
In his spare time he compiles Gentoo.
Game! - Where the stick is mightier than the sword!
nt
OK it's magic... Christmas magic that is.
Rumor has is it that Saint Nick lives in a black hole so with the subtle maneuvering of his molecules he can come out anywhere in the galaxy delivering items stolen from Toys R Us. However, once in a while he goofs and pops out of a quasar. Dr. Who would be impressed.
We are more and more giving music, movies and software as gifts. In this age of digital content Santa simply delivers his gifts via Bittorrent. The Redhat ISO downloading tests certainly show that it is possible to deliver his presents to all children of the world who have suitable upstream bandwidth capabilities. Perhaps someone should re-brand Bittorrent as "SantaTorrent" and rename all the internal classes to "reindeer", "sleigh", "chimney", "jolly old elf", etc.
Well, taking in account Santa works at night, I think I can offer a easier explanation.
This particularity makes possible a Quantum Physics explanation: actually Santa is very very small and travels so fast that what we have is a lot of different small Santa Claus, all of them working hard. Of course, no one can see him, the wave function does not collapse.
Beware this behaviour could be destroyed by a foolish kid, hidden in the dark, watching Santa at work. This would collapse the wave function, rendering the other quantum-Santa Claus impossible. Moral: be sure your children are sleeping tonight!
And, we're damn proud of it, eh.
The elves spend most of the year compiling data on all children. School records, criminal records, first hand surveillance and the like. It was becoming increasingly clear that no one was being good, and Santa was losing his primary asset, that of the ultimate arbiter of good behavior. To solve this, he restructured his parameters and created a system in which every child would be assigned a normalized value. This allows him to simply, a fairly, decide who is naughty and nice. The closer the normalized value is to one, the more nice.
Next Santa throws all children more than two standard deviations out into the naughty pile. This may sound harsh, but if you are nice enough to get above a 0.95, you probably just playing the system, and Santa does not like players. Either group is without merits.
Next Santa takes those in the center, that is one SD out, and subcontract to Wal*mart or Amazon. Since these are just average kids, they can live with average presents.
Finally there are the kids between one and two standard deviations. These are the ones that merit personal, or almost personal, reward or scolding from Santa. The good kids gets a personal visit and a personal gift from Santa. The naughty kids get a Santa branded piece of coal delivered by the special class of santa-like elves.
This system keeps the number of trips that Santa much make to aroud a few hundred million, assuming only about half the world celebrates christmas. This is the most that he can make, which is around five deliveries every millisecond. The implication of this system is that every child must be on their guard to be exactly good enough every year. Any mistake could bump you into the larger class of no Santa visit. This is going to be more important as the world population grows, even if the Christmas celebrating population declines. Certain cost cutting measure have already been instituted, the most significant was in the 1999 season when Santa stopped visiting those that were in the first SD of being 'good'. As the world economy falters, Santa may no longer be able to afford a full night of support, or the gear that allows him to visit all the houses. Any season now, cost cutting and unfair taxes on corporations might force him to visit only those areas in that are friendly to the independent spirit.
"She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not going to let it slide." Orphan Black
When I was a mere child I believed in Santa.
Then I grew up and no longer believed.
When my children were young, I was Santa.
After they got older, we had no Santa.
Now that my grandchildren are young, I am Santa again.
If there were no Santa Claus, we'd have to invent one because it's such a great tradition for families and children. Don't throw cold water on something that is wonderful. You don't have to believe; just don't spoil the good times for everybody else.
Children are not harmed in the least by believing in something/someone they can't see. The most important things in life are things that can't be seen. When you invent an instrument that can measure love, get back to me.
i'm a physicist. on one hand, i think these items are an amusement to present to young children... i must admit i can see the nobility in that... but, on the other hand; what a waste of time. i hope there is no one alive with ANY formal physics training and a need to rationalize "Santa Claus."
n/t
Grow Up.
Santa, Ha Ha I know this Jewish guy who, every year goes to the movies and then orders a roast duck from a chinese restaurant, all on Christmas day... I find this hillarious... Merry Christmas all you /.'ers
-- +
The NORAD santa tracker is a complete waste of taxpayer money
For one, I doubt it costs much. For another, it's probably a great morale booster. A world run by accountants might seem cost effective in the short run, but long term nobody would want to live there and the effectivness would be lost to dismal morale.
Is your network travelling at > c ?
But I still believe in Santa... you insensitive clod!
Oh if only this annual outpouring of scientific expertise could be channelled into something worthwhile, rather than this bilge.
after all, it is snowing in Houston Texas right now...
No one cares what your captcha was
Houston TX, USA
L0l0rz!1 roffle my waffle!!!1111eleven1!1!!one
It is interesting to see how Santa Claus is becoming more and more a part of Christmas. He has become the icon of secular Christmas. Christmas has religious origins though the celebration of the birth of Jesus for many, if not most, Americans has been pushed aside to the place of irrelevance. The politically correct replacement has been Santa Claus. I find it to be a poor replacement.
Reprinted here this morning.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
Before the suprnova-collapse there were DivX or XviD-versions in good quality out there.
If you hate Quicktime and Real as much as I do, it may be wise to check your local p2p (or ftp, whatever) for something. The good versions are out there.
Not Buzzword 2.0 compliant. Please speak english.
Remember people, Santa's payload and speed are nothing we haven't seen and debated at our bi-mon-sci-fi-cons before. These figures are quite close to those for the starship enterprise or a dozen other sci-fi show equilivilents entering the atmosphere. We've already debated these so I guess old St Nick is just a subset of these discussions.
Replace Toys with Tritanium Hull and Reindeer with impluse engines and viola!
May the Maths Be with you!
NORAD still has serious questions to answer over it's inability to track flight 77 on 11th September 2001.
NORAD lost a hijacked plane for 45mins, after which it apparently avoided all radar then dropped in on the pentagon, regardless of:
* an "plane hijacking" exercise on that day.
* its ability to remote fly any 747
* the other planes being hijacked and knowledge of
* months of security warnings
Will Santa go ahead with his promise to not drop presents off to the george 'naughtly boy' bush household?
Will Santa "go missing" from the NORAD radar over Washington while Santas protest takes place?
Go on then, determine the optimum Travelling Salesman problem for Santa Claus.
Now where's the spirit?????????? It is Christmas eve.
He did go to Afghanistan once, in case you forgot :)
Not Buzzword 2.0 compliant. Please speak english.
I bet there won't be an iPod for me then tomorrow, with all those Windows-friendly video file formats listed up there.. Is Santa even in touch with realtity? I bet he uses Explorer 5.5SP2, too..
Santa Claus is REAL! ..and he's BLACK!
irc.enterthegame.com #linux
the lead gnome in the blizzard mp3 sounds a lot to me like the scientist in hl2. did anyone else notice this too? lamarr? oh, where'd he go off to...
- chuck.
Giving a child that happiness and excitement is probably one of the best things about being a parent. At least for the first four or five years.
...as if a 1000 freshman English majors decided they were great writers and started posting the first thing that streamed out of their bong-addled consciousness.
For Christ's sake (no pun intended). The dude has reindeer that fly and one with a nose that "glows so bright". Do we really need to question whether he can fly his sleigh around the world????
Merry christmas the Limited Edition DVD release of Willie Wanker and the Fudge Packing Factory you wanted is on its way.
Happy Holidays !
People who bite the hand that feeds them usually lick the boot that kicks them
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_Improbabilit y_Drive
Word has it that Santa's Ion Shield (tm) is running Linux. This year he's upgraded to the 2.6 Kernel, allowing him to process your cookies more efficiently.
" after all, it is snowing in Houston Texas right now..."
:>
Well I'm locked in. Snow emergency and all that keeps me from traveling home for Christmas.
Anyway. Bah Humbug to all the Santa haters. The point of Christmas will escape them, just as it did last year.* And Merry Christmas (or equivalent holiday for everyone else) to the entire Slashdot community. May the new year bring many more arguments.
*No I'm not going for the cynics answer "consumerism".
This just goes to show one and all, the power of an idea over all things. Yes, Virginia, there is and let us start anew this season with positive ideas and ideals.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Eid and may God, Who ever and when ever, bless us one and all,
Ed
"For one, I doubt it costs much. For another, it's probably a great morale booster. A world run by accountants might seem cost effective in the short run, but long term nobody would want to live there and the effectivness would be lost to dismal morale."
Shame I can't make this a signature. I guess the OP just didn't have the courage to say "Bah Humbug".
Circular arguments, hasty generalizations, straw-man arguments....it's a logical fallacy cornocopia!
Wow. Who would have thought trying to prove that Santa can do all that he is proported to do could rest on logical fallacies. The article looks like something that you would have found in the 1980's Pravda. But I guess this is what you get when you have to prove something. Oh well.
The views expressed are mine own and do not express the views of my employer.
Here is the real Santa...., http://www.samsungexplore.com/playing/games_arcade /AdventCalendar/day24.html
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/53/
Fuking cool....,
Reclam the wasted time from the NORAD crap...,
----------
"Clutch my testes, bloody squirrel humpers!!" -Happy Noodle Boy
Santa gets the job done the same way most Slashdotters do: Through distributed networking.
By that token, his personal existance is irrelevant, as the network continues to exist and operate without the central hub.
Happiness is relative, Based upon the way we live.
It's all about a distrbuted model. A seemingly impossible task can be completed by distributing the workload.
Okay, his ion shield explains how Santa doesn't get fried by air friction, and maybe it also protects him when he plops from the chimney in the furnice, which is going full blast on this cold night.
But, how the heck does he get out of the furnice, and once he gets out of the basement, why doesn't he set off my motion detectors?
Slow down, cowboy! It has been 4 hours since you last posted. You must wait another few hours.
Here is the real Santa...., http://www.samsungexplore.com/playing/games_arcade /AdventCalendar/day24.html
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/53/
Fuking cool....,
Reclam the wasted time from the NORAD crap...,
----------
"Clutch my testes, bloody squirrel humpers!!" -Happy Noodle Boy
After some careful examination a team of scientists has determined that it would be impossible for Santa to carry all the presents to be delivered in his sleigh or for an army of elves to have the manpower to create them using traditional methods. It has also been determined that his bag of gifts does not in fact hold a rip in in space-time opening to an alternate "santaland" universe.
So how does he do it?
Spy satellites that used to monitor the Soviet Union have determined that instead of carrying the mythical bag of presents on his sliegh he instead carries a highly advanced fusion reactor which is used to create gifts from pure energy. But where does this leave the elves? They are in fact nuclear scientists and engineers that keep the whole show going. Radiation exposure during the early years resulted in the physical deformations in their genetic line.
You gotta find first gear in your giant robot car
They're not only on it, they're also giving him an F-18 escort... ;D
Click here. Taken from my site. ;)
Ant(Dude) @ Quality Foraged Links (AQFL.net) & The Ant Farm (antfarm.ma.cx / antfarm.home.dhs.org).
Fry:
[1] This is disturbing to me somehow while contributing to Slashdot.
You'd think with an ion-shield of charged particles, and that he probably travels in more than four dimensions, he'd at least have the latest and greatest stealth tech to avoid tracking by NORAD.
But might the child's disillusionment with the existance of santa be traumatic? Isn't it selfish to lie to children so you can briefly, vicarously experience hope? Are you also willing to be the one to tell children Santa doesn't exist, or maybe you really enjoy disillusionment of "older" kids. "HaHa- we can make you kids believe anything we want!"
I really enjoyed this article from Scott McNealy (CEO of Sun Microsystems). Pokes fun at some of our favourite companies (IBM, Microsoft, HP, Red Hat, Intel) and the IT business in general.
:)
Good stuff.
People that believe in their opinions don't post AC.
The Japanese love Santa and Christmas, spending a lot of money and effort into celebrating it. So it has to be good thing, right?
History of Santa Claus
1689--Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.
1691--Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him.
1692--Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703--Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact.
1704--Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.
1705--Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.
1716--After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar artifacts, as well as the phony ones making charlatans rich. Seeing this decline, Claus decides to invest his money by starting a toy company in his native Germany.
1720--Claus Toys becomes the largest toy company in Germany, but only because of Claus' underhanded business dealings. (It was also rumored that Claus was dealing with enemy countries as well). Competitors urged government officials to begin an investigation.
1721--Enough evidence is found, and charges are drawn up against the Claus Toys Company. Claus himself refuses to release his records.
1722--The German Supreme Court finds Claus guilty of tax evasion and of treason. When news of this breaks, Claus' employees all turn against him and his company.
1723--Claus is exiled to Sicily, and shortly before leaving, he absconds with all of the company's funds.
1724--A search party is sent to the Mediterranean to recover the funds, however, Claus hears of this ahead of time, and he and his Sicilian wife flee for their lives. (Some say he went into Northern Africa, but it is generally assumed that this was only a ruse to lure the searchers off course. He is believed to have returned to his North Pole base).
1725--Claus II is born en route to the North Pole.
1725-1734--The Claus' lay low at the North Pole. Claus teaches his son the arts of toy making and business dealings.
1735--Rumor has it that Claus has hired Scandinavian builders to construct a castle for him at the North Pole, making use of almost half of the company funds.
1739--The castle is finished, and is one of the largest in the world. Claus II reaches his fifteenth birthday, and in the same year, Claus' wife dies, accidentally falling from a balcony in one of the castle's great halls.
1740--Claus, mourning his wife, becomes increasingly ill.
1745--Santa Claus II becomes of age, and begins taking care of the castle and of his sick father.
1747--Using the remaining company funds, Claus II builds a small city around the castle to attract workers and craftsmen.
1748--Word of the North Pole settlement reaches Europe. The Elves of Eastern Europe, quickly becoming political outcasts and striving for a better life, begin immigrating in waves to the North Pole.
1753--All the elves have left Eastern Europe and have become firmly established at the North Pole. Claus II begins his father's toy company once again, with an estimated 30,000 elves employed. Claus I dies, at age 89.
1755--The North Pole officially becomes a nation, and Claus II and his wife take the throne. The toy business continues to flourish, and the elves enjoy prosperity. Claus III is born.
1757--The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by Claus II to begin an ambitious
Buy Steampunk Clothing Online!
Santa told children in most countries of Africa he wouldn't bring any gifts, since santa does not gift bad children who does not eat.
Dear Editor, I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, "If you see it in The Sun, it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus? Virginia O'Hanlon.
Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds.
All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.
Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus!
It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight.
The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus.
The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart.
Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real?
Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus!
Thank God he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
What's scary is I could see your first paragraph coming true. The ACLU hits hard against Christianity whenever they can. Anti-Christian Litigation Union, as some might say.
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
As you all know, it's really God's own country down here, hence Santa starts here and works around the globe.
;-)
I'm sure it's no accident that the US gets the stuff that falls towards the bottom of his sack
You can have Santa if I get to use my countermeasures. _Anyone_ with annually updated intelligence dossiers on billions of people poses an unacceptable security risk in today's world, no matter how carefully he handles this information. Entering the residences of so many people, unescorted no less, leaves him vulnerable to capture and other human intelligence issues.
Plus "Santa" has the ability to send unscreened packages to anyone with arbitrary contents without attracting attention. Which terrorist wants to be "Santa" today?
Remember, he is SAINT Nicholas. When you have God and all his angels to help you, delivering presents to 33%+ of the households in the world is no big feat at all.
If you look at the About Us page, you'll see lots of "Corporate Sponsors," including Akamai.
From the looks of things, the bandwith and servers necessary to deliver the site are not being paid for with your precious tax money.
What database does the North Pole use for the Naughty or Nice list, and for that matter how many terrabytes is it?
Ubiquitously - A Ubiquity Developer Community
If this article isn't /. in a nutshell, I don't know what is..
-- jimmycarter
is the secret to Santa's success...
And compute it to make him as efficient as possible.
http://saveie6.com/
Actually Santa's offical postal code is H0H0H0
That's like H zero H zero H Zero, U know Santa 1337 speak.
...he probably travels in more than four dimensions
This sure solves _one_ old problem.
Child: "I just saw Santa in that store. How can he be in this store too?"
Parent: "Well, it's simple. Santa is a higher-dimensional being. You're just seeing the projection of his higher-dimensional form onto our four-dimensional universe."
Child: "???"
Parent: "Also, Rudolph's red nose actually generates a ion-shield which allows Santa to travel faster than lightspeed..."
Child: "Uh, can I have a cookie?"
See, problem solved!
He delivers all the gifts at the same time. Why didn't you nitwits think of this? Am I the only Quantum Mechanics Genius around here?
I mean have you seen kids these days? Spoiled little brats they are. They get toys and games every week and most are just forgotten or thrown away in a few days. They have no respect for parents or teachers. All they care about is themselves.
So Santa isn't very harding working these days you know.
OMG please don't say that about Christmas !!! grrrr take that back!!
Angelic Carrie 0:-)
No, he isn't. He's a renegade Time Lord and the sleigh and reindeer is his TARDIS (but with a working chameleon circuit).
Karma: Frotzed (mostly due to the Frobozz Magic Karma Company)
Comment removed based on user account deletion
I still can't believe that people are trying to figure this out. This is one of the easiest problems in history.
Okay, so Santa delivers his presents on Christmas Eve which is the night between Dec. 24th and 25th. Christmas is a Christian holiday so we can narrow down our amount of households to only those that are Christian. Not all Christians celebrate Christmas on this date. Orthodox Christians, for example, celebrate Christmas in January (the 9th if I remember correctly.) So this cuts down the household number down more.
Now not all of those households have children. This cuts down on even more households.
Finally, not all of the children were good. In fact probably most of them don't deserve presents. So this leaves us with about 20 households. 10 of which think that Christmas has become too commercialized and so they don't set up a Christmas tree. Another 5 households don't have a Christmas tree set up due to the fact that it's a Pagan tradition. So, in the end, Santa has to deliver his presents to only 5 households around the world. Pretty easy job I must say.
-=I-baLL=-
Write a traveling salesmen problem but instead of avoiding the same airport twice the variables would have to be dependant on making sure Santa does not stop at the same house twice.
/. article about it. Gotta go, G'nite, all...
While it's not too hard to get "good" solutions to airports, it's much harder to get an optimum airport solution. There are many times more houses (even limiting it to those where at least one good child lives) than airports, and the computational time of this problem increases with the square (or perhaps it's the factorial (!)) of the number of points, so this is practically impossible, even with all the world's computers working on it for a year (and remember, some bad children become good, and some good children become bad, some children grow up, others are born, so the problem changes every year). Thus, there is no Santa Claus.
And compute it to make him as efficient as possible.
Of course I'm totaly wrong about there not being a Santa Claus, and I must go to bed within the hour, but first leave out some milk and cookies.
But think of this: The existence of Santa Claus shows he has solved this problem, so he must have access to something Really Cool such as Quantum Computing!!!
Maybe we can get Mr. Claus to write a
Tag lost or not installed.
Isn't it obvious.. Santa is the master of quantum mechanics.. he can be everywhere at once watching everything (naughty/nice). After that feat delivering packages is a trivial exercise for him
How How how?
no no no it
Ho Ho HO.....
a text file and Edlin on an old MSDOS system. It seems crude by today's standards, but it's a vast improvement over those 800,000,000 3x5 cards he used before. Just think of the number of trees he saves...
Tag lost or not installed.
Good god people! I had this Santa Claus thing figured out by the time I was 24! What is your problem? Don't get out enough? Sheesh!
I guess "Christmas Spirt" is out of the question Mr. Scrooge.
"It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance." - Thomas Sowell
STFU
May as well post something informative...
I grew up in Japan, and we celebrate Christmas pretty much like in the west, except we don't have the christian religious meaning to it. To us, it's just a fun holiday that's an excuse to give toys to kids. Parents tell their kids about Santa, and they do believe in him until they grow older.
The more traditional Japanese holiday is new year's, for which the family gathers around to have a feast on new year's eve, much like the American thanksgiving holiday. The day after, most people go to a shrine to greet the new year with blessings, and some still dress up in traditional clothes to do this.
On new year's day, relatives will often travel to visit one another and give gifts of money to young children. This is called "Otoshidama", and it can be as much or more than what's spent on christmas gifts.
Anyways, I usually liked christmas, but Japanese new years was a bit more fun, since I got to see my cousins and stuff. Japan tends to have a lot of fun holidays for kids, check out the wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_festivals
an unexplained event causes the white house to be filled with coal..
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
your parent spent all the Christmas money buying an Apple computer...
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
This is stupid. He doesn't need to travel. All he needs is a complicated manifold where all the fireplaces in the world are sewn to portals inside a huge factory in the north pole. He can have the elves throw presents into the holes all night; if each elf can throw one package per ten seconds, he can get stuff to each of the, what, billion children in the world, in 10 hours, with like 300,000 elves.
you could have a Yule Tide!
Like a great blue salmon of justice, the mighty Tick courses upstream to the very spawning grounds of Evil!
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
"Then who gets the credit? Not the parents, but a MYTHOLOGICAL man!"
yes, the lesson which becomes apparent(pun intended) later is that the parents gave just to give, not to recieve anything, including praise.
who tells the stork story? I know of no one who was told that story. The only stork reference I can remember are from dumbo, and varies jokes.
"Not to mention the fact that it's a bit disconcerting for a child to find out that the whole thing is a big lie."
Not really. most children figure it out anf question it. Thats where the rubber meats the road. do you continue with the myth, or explain santa is a way to teach children about giving? Also an opportunity for people to give, just to give.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
How does he taste?
And what wine should i use?
-- f00!
burning for a week. . .
how about God?
I have always truste my parents, and we were raised with Santa. Most of my friends trust their parents.
es, Santa, the original, is based on a real person who gave toys to shildren, just cause.
teaching children to give just becasue it is a good thing is an important lesson.
"My parents have always told me the uncensored truth about everything. "
uh-huh.
daddy, how are babies made:
"well son, first the mom gets on her knees and talks like a 1000 dollar hooker, then she is flipped over and..."
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
and to all a good night!
Don't forget, Christmas is coming, and I check my list twice!
Back in the mid 60s, my dad was officer of the watch
on Christmas Eve, in a U.S. "over the pole" radar
installation in Nova Scotia. (He was single at the
time and figured he'd give a break to all the married
officers to spend Christmas Eve with their families.)
At some point in the evening the radar officer
reported;
radar officer: "We have a bogie on the screen."
My dad: "What does it look like?"
radar officer: "It looks kinda like a sleigh and 8 tiny
reindeer."
My dad: "He's in restricted airspace, shoot his ass
down."
So, my dad shot down Santa. (Or at least, he gave
the order. I don't know whether it was carried out.)
AC because I'm too lazy to register for a slashdot account.
Doesn't seem much point in it anymore.
The NORAD tracker for a bittorrent one and had it shut down.
The ACLU hits hard against Christianity whenever they can.
So the christians can mobilize a political machine, and that's okay.... but when somoene reacts they're evil. Cute.
THEIRS!
I will never forget the time that I sat down to Christmas Eve dinner with my family and their church friends. One of them really irritated me because she was always into the latest fads, and.. well, she was a church lady. Don't ask me how she managed it.
So her latest kick was "Santa is a lie. No more Santa for anyone." Well, after grace was said and we all sat down for dinner, the conversation started innocently enough, but along about dessert time, well, she said it...
"...but he is a fiction..."
me: "...there are so many fictions that people believe in, and it improves their lives."
her: "Are we just going to let children go on believing like that? It is lying! Christmas should not be about fictional characters, should it?"
me: "You mean like Jesus Christ?"
And you could have heard a pin drop... I was just home from college then, but well... you can guess that I am not a safe dinner guest... even though I do get people thinking a little. I swear this is not a troll. Go ahead and debate whether Christ was real... and whether this is his real birthday. In my book, Santa is an important symbol in the same way that Jesus is... and I am happy with that.
Magic Sand. It was available at Toys R Us many years ago (though its origins are much more obscure), and Santa knew what it was really good for. Magic Sand creates a time bubble around its target, i.e., Santa's sleigh and those eight feisty reindeer. Time goes by for everyone else, but santa travels 3600x faster than us, give or take 5% for anomolies.
-- juggling flaming chainsaws --
he visits only good children.
Santa doesn't need any of that technological nonesense; as any kid who lives in a house without chimneys knows, Santa can do it for the simple reason that he's magic.
Only three things are certain; death, taxes, and apocryphal quotations - Ben Franklin.
By franchising his gift delivery logistics to local licensees and shifting his backoffice operations (primarly the implementation of his merit determination database) offshore, Santa is able to focus on his key value-adding activity of saying "ho ho ho!" a lot.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
...but if I had to give up Christmas to get rid of monuments to the 10 commandments, school prayer, abortion clinic bombers and all the other crusaders and proselytizers out of my life, show me where to sign.
ho ho ho
Even with the military adaptation, engineers could not work out the "Christmasseyness." Note the Christmas angel appearance.
Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever.
... but he's not a person.
Last night, my father and I spent an hour setting up 2 little bikes from kmart, and they were pieces of crap (made in china, no less), but my sisters didn't seem to think so when they woke up Christmas morning to find 2 pink bikes sitting infront of the tree. They believed that Santa had come that night and left 2 bikes, 2 helmets and 2 pink baskets for them. He even drank the milk and ate the cookies (but we told the little ones he actually enjoyed coke and chocolate, so they left that out). I'm sure a ton of posts like these are listed above (but it's christmas and I don't want to read them) but Santa is the personification of the work and love the older members of families around the world put in to make the little ones happy. I mean, face it, if Santa only gave gifts to good little boys and girls, I could count the number of kids receiving presents on one hand.
But we continue to lead them on by telling them Santa is real, until they turn 10, and we ruin the fantasy, as mine was, all those years ago...
Remember children, all generalizations are wrong.
come on, admit it, Santas an Asgard, who else can hyperdrive their way round the planet with shielding and instantly visit places? and take the mince pies..
Where do you think Genetic Savings and Clone got the idea?
And when you have that many cryogenic freezers to run, it's much cheaper to locate somewhere really cold.
Maybe our understanding of time is less than that of the mighty Claus. Perhaps the merry ol' Saint Nick can expand time in front of him and compress it behind him so that while he moves at extrordinary speeds due to our relative time frame. He will see us in near stationary movement. THEREFORE, the number 4 proves that Santa can do it in about 1 hour in relation to our relative time frame.
10-4
I believe that in this contemporary globalized world, santa should create a south-pole base, to help distribute his gifts. Of course, the slay would be carried out by *flying penguins*!... This way children fron the south hemisphere could start creating their own christmas folklore. It's sad to live here where christmas is in the summer, and see all that snow and furry coats when it's hot as hell...
Nicolau Werneck - NIC1138
"The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of childhood into maturity" -- Thomas Huxley