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However, the audience for video games seems to keep getting older and older, and I suspect we'll have video games for quite awhile.

But ask yourself why you REALLY like to play video games. What's fun about these things? And how do you feel about those reasons?

Is it because you want to face new challenges, socialize, and observe a new fantasy world? I doubt think anyone can argue these things are unhealthy, in moderation.

Or is it because you want the sense of accomplishment that comes from the level-up hamster wheel, which rewards you primarily for playing longer rather than playing better? Is it because your seeking an escape from reality?

(One could argue that these games give us the detachment from self that eastern religions advocate. I suspect otherwise, but that's far too complex to think about here.)

There was a scene from Minority Report in which someone was spending time in a virtual reality simulation of his peers praising him for receiving an imaginary reward. How much of the attractiveness of these MMORPGs comes from the very same desire for false success?

Things shouldn't be banned because they are unhealthy, but you shouldn't defend the healthiness of something just because someone is trying to ban it. The worth of an activity is in the eye of the beholder, but you shouldn't discard your own judgment just to spite people you disagree with.

Free yourself of all prejudice and bitterness, then ask yourself whether a desire for pre-programmed, treadmill success is healthy? Are you a better person after you have finished, or are you just older?

And, if any games developer happens to come down with an odd case of misplaced utilitarianism in capitalist world, maybe you should ask yourself what effect your game has on people. There are certainly MMOG games that lack any explicit level treadmill. Second Life comes to mind.

The human desire for fun exists in order to stretch our mental and physical abilities. Yet so many things we call "fun" actually contract these abilities. Worse, things we do to "relax" like watch television or smoke leave us even more stressed out and tired than when we started. The Taoists encourage us to be relaxed and alert, yet so many times we Westerners are entranced by our anxieties. We've grown so used to that state that for "fun" we invent new anxieties to entertain us on our computer and television screens.

Trying to stop it with lawsuits and laws is laughable, of course. But that does not stop my mourning.

I had this the other day with Progress Quest. I just kept expecting things to happen all by themselves. Too bad the dishes just kept staying there, and not being cleaned automatically just by watching at it. It is the most addictive game I've come by in recent time.

But have you checked out the 3D mode in Progress Quest?

http://www.progressquest.com/faq.php

I was, briefly, a Wish beta tester. Everything about the game was highly derivative; there were no compelling features to be seen. It was Progress Quest with a GUI.

These days, it's all about point and click and there is no more typing "look east", "east", "throw midget east".
Bah you don't even have to point and click anymore, its all automated now

Oh joy! Now I can pay a monthly fee for better graphics on what are essentially implementations of Progress Quest coupled with a chat room of some sort.

At least Progress Quest automates the leveling treadmill.

I mean, yes! I killed enough blue slimes to buy the red sword. Now I can.. kill red slimes! With larger numbers of hit points and damage!

You two are both wusses.. I mean, seriously.. Level 48, 56?? What, have you been making progress for only a month?? My Dung-Elf Tickle Mimic would wipe the floor with both of you, and then have enough time to do her nails with your lifeblood.. Her Seasick MMCCLXII will make you wish you stayed on shore, for sure!!

And not to mention that our guild Golden Rat Killers is one of the best around.. We are fast outdistancing all competition in the Bands list.. Roofed, I say, Roofed!!

You two are both wusses.. I mean, seriously.. Level 48, 56?? What, have you been making progress for only a month?? My Dung-Elf Tickle Mimic would wipe the floor with both of you, and then have enough time to do her nails with your lifeblood.. Her Seasick MMCCLXII will make you wish you stayed on shore, for sure!!

And not to mention that our guild Golden Rat Killers is one of the best around.. We are fast outdistancing all competition in the Bands list.. Roofed, I say, Roofed!!

Come to Spoltog, wuss. My Demicanadian bastard lunatic will...do...something...nasty, I suppose...with his level CXXXII Slime Finger. You will cower as he curses your family (level V), and tremble with fear as you go under the knife for a tonsilectomy (level III)!

I love this game.

Plus you can't level up.
Oh yeah? What about progress quest?

What? I won't stand this unfounded adulation towards these "Dark Elf Shadowknights" and what have you. Let them match their worthless warriors against DocutronXP, my level 48 Hunter Strangler, hailing from the Land of Enchantment & Good Prices on Leather Sofas. You have never met a more brave and stunning Enchanted Motorcycle. Foes cower at my Level XXXVIII Clever Fellow. Those not vanquished by my level XXII Lockjaw will succumb to the one-two punch of my level XIX Animate Nightstnad and/or a Rabbit Punch from my +25 Custom Studded Titanium Gauntlets.

It seems the progressquest authors were to first to streamline the gameplay enough to remove the tedious parts and remove the tedium from the user that cames in this category suffer from.

If you want to play a MMORPG and make progress while still having a life, you'll probably like Progressquest. Best of all, it's free.

That's the ultimate do-nothing game. The game's website likens it to installing an operating system as it requires the same attention span and commands the same respect for the "player" (read: none).

"Finally, hit the Sold! button to begin the game. The game will start immediately and you can safely familiarize yourself with the game's single interface screen as the game progresses on its own. Soon your avatar will will be seeking and destroying an exotic panopoly of beasts while you gaze proudly on. Missing, you will notice, is the tedious march from town, the bewildering maze of cookie cutter streets hiding some specific merchant or NPC, and the repetetive hunt for just the right beast to execute. Progress Quest supplies your character with an endless series of victims, as well as exciting quests which keep your quest log full to the brim at all times."

Monsters practically everywhere, all bend on attacking you, and spawning after some time have pasted.

If you find such attacks tedious, you might enjoy a game which automates much of that process: Progress Quest. Windows only, but after rolling up your character, you can even minimize to the system tray and you'll keep progressing.

People who enjoy that sort of thing should check out progress quest a freeware RPG without all that irritating moving, fighting, talking, and questing that gets in the way of the true RPG experience

how about the astronomical number of Progress Quest players??? there must be millions of people out there with Double-Wookie Mu-Fu Monks, or Enchanted Motorcycle Bastard-Lunatics... ;-)

found it!!! Progressquest is a great little game, esp for fans of Diablo 2 or everquest. This really brings game playing into perspective and is perhaps what the author is suggesting taken to the extreme.

It's canceled out by Progress Quest of course!

Bah! http://www.progressquest.com/ is the only way to go!

That seems like it's a little too much like Progress Quest

IMHO ProgressQuest does a beautiful job at taking all the tedium out of this style games.
They have all the coolest monsters/quests/etc. but fortunatelly they automate the boring parts so well, you can even play while doing other stuff.

("Make every moment count. I don't play games to punish myself. I play them to be entertained, rewarded, and challenged"), 'Curiosity Killed The Cat...' ("Constant death was a necessity in the days of video arcades... Now, in the comfort of our lounges or offices, what reason is there to keep dumping us out of the game we bought with our hard earned cash?") Difficulty and death are in games for a reason. A game just isnt fun if "every moment counts". Without a little punishment from a videogame it doesnt really feel like youre even accomplishing anything - because anyone else would be able to accomplish the same thing easily. No one wants to sit down and play http://www.progressquest.com/ Challenges and a little "S&M" often make a game more interesting.

Computers last much longer than vacations. For that swanky vacation, think how much time you could spend vacationing in the land of Progress Quest.

> What's the point of the game?

For a game with a point, you must try Progress Quest! Ah, the tales I could tell...

> What's the point of the game?

For a game with a point, you must try Progress Quest! Ah, the tales I could tell...

Game controls
Progress Quest belongs to a new breed of "fire and forget" RPG's. There is no need to interact with Progress Quest at all; it will make progress with you or without you.

You can quit Progress Quest by using the window close box, or by hitting - (hold down the key while hitting ), but there is really little need to ever do so. Please note that your character will not make any progress except when Progress Quest is running. Your character will make no progress once you quit the program, until you start Progress Quest again.

they already have the game screensaver, check here: Progress Quest

Why is puzzle pirates being neglected so much?

So far, every MMO I've seen (and I've seen most of them) is just a glorified chat room. It's IRC plus fancy 3d graphics and sound. Sometimes there is also a progress quest included as well. No MMO that I've seen actually has skill based gameplay, which is what makes something no longer a chat room, but a GAME.

Puzzle Pirates is the only MMOish thing I play. Why? Because success is almost entirely skill based. Theoretically someone who has a trial account and has never played before can defeat the person who has been playing the game since day 1 if their skill is great enough. Not only that, but the major factor in any victory is always skill. Not only that, but the people in puzzle pirates actually role play and aren't asshats. What started as random people on the net became my crew and now me hearties, arrr! You don't get that anywhere else.

Give puzzle pirates the attention and respect it deserves. It's probably the most original and well designed game to come out in a long time.

Now I'm addicted to Progress Quest. and play it often - but the neat part is that it takes all the time-consuming grunt-work out of EverQuest while keeping the fun.

...ProgressQuest!
Windows only, but the gameplay is riveting!

I haven't found one yet that allows real-time combat; it's always "click on the guy you want to fight and press the 'attack' button", then sit back and watch.

Yeah, that's always bothered me too. Why do you have to click to attack? Surely the computer can take care of the attacking all by itself. I'd rather just sit and watch, or maybe go grab a pizza and sit in front of the TV while my Half-Halfling Organist decapitates some Hair Elementals in the Killing Fields. Good times.

I love it when my "RPGs" get reduced to math exercises in max/min-ing, so it's even better if the game does it for me.

It's hard to get any less representational than nethack ... in some ways it's not all that abstract though, given all the distinct objects with clear and obvious effects, unlike the more nebulous forms of board control in Chess or Go. Abstract would be the D&D combat system. Really abstract would be ProgressQuest.

I really wish I could still get excited about roguelikes though. I had this idea a while back to make a roguelike game using unicode characters to expand the tile repitoire without having to be an artist, but I just can't imagine anyone besides myself playing it. It's not for some idea of popularity or glory, it's that I'd really like to entertain and interest people. I guess unless I come up with something that totally breaks the mold instead of advancing the art, it's just never going to fly without 10K+ man-hours in 3D art at least..

The flaw in a lot of RPG's is that you have to wander around killing random monsters in order to level up. Sometimes you have to spend several hours killing monsters in one area just so you'll be strong enough to survive the random monsters in the next area.

Fallout did it much better. There were random encounters, and there were scripted encounters. As you progressed through the story your character got more powerful, and you didn't have to worry about "leveling up" at all.

I quite enjoyed wandering around killing random monsters in Dragon Warrior III, but only for the nostalgia factor. As a roleplaying game, it largely fails. ProgressQuest ought to have put an end to that whole mechanic.

I pay to play, mainly because I got to try it.

Unlike Everquest, or DAoC, or any of the other MMORPGs I've never heard of, I was able to download the ATITD free trial, and then wanted to keep playing to explore the rest of the game. The fact that it runs on Linux helps. I can play it on my laptop, rather than just on my home Windows box (which isn't allowed to talk to the internet much).

I don't explore much these days. Most of the more advanced tech (paint, thistles, gearboxes) requires more effort, exotic materials, and thought than I'm willing to spend. I'm not willing to do experiments with materials that represent hours of "work".

The game does have some flaws (what game doesn't) in that it's mostly boredom based. There are many tasks in the game that revolve around clicking on a menu option every 60 seconds or 180 seconds, or repeatedly selecting the same option from a menu on 12 different identical buildings. The most stinging indictment is that I often watch TV while I'm "playing" and then get irritated when the game requires me to pay attention to it. Why do I want it to turn into an expensive screensaver?

I think the most spectacular failure in the game is the test of fireworks.

If it weren't for the community aspect and my feeelings of responsibility to the various guilds that have helped me, I'd be playing Halo, or C&C Generals.

Hopefully once they've gotten through the first telling they'll have time to go back and make the various "mini-games" fun. Mousing a menu every 60 seconds is the second-stupidest premise for a game.

Still, this game deserves your attention, and I'd be happy to give you pointers if you drop in.

- DarthBobo

I can't believe no one has mentioned Progress Quest. It's MMORPGs, distilled down to it's basis. No nights wasted mindlessly squashing spiders to gain XP, no 10 year old w1z3Rdz bugging you. No nothing.

If spending all that time doing drudge play gets you down, then try Progress Quest.

You are thinking of Progress Quest

Sounds like it would be right up your alley.

Well, quite. Early reports indicate that robot clients for SWG have been raising an EInsultToIntelligence error and executing sleep(10000) after half an hour of "play". Might be simpler just to port some of the names to Progress Quest and save having to buy a GeForce 4 Ti card to play SWG.

Now someone needs to write an electric monk that will believe things for you. I suppose the alpha version would believe that everything was pink. And on the topic of further automation, there is also Progress Quest, a RPG that plays for you.

But Dungeon Siege is to Diablo II what Quake was to Doom.

Naah...

Dungeon Siege is to D2 what a retard is to Einstein.

Even Diablo II: The Point & Click Adventure look amazingly complex when compared to the DS Auto-Play System. It's a great sleep pill though and half-way to Progress Quest.

Seriosly, I find DS to lack character and atmosphere. You just kill and get the combat and magic skills distributed for you depending on how you kill the guys, with even the killing more automated than in D2, and with less innovative features like gambling and crafting. But damn, the graphics are totally awesome. Like if that would help. :-P

GET REAL GET SMART GET A BREASTPLATE OF THE VOID

We now return to the tavern where respected psychologist Dr Bloom Eternal helps everquest players through their personal difficulties:

TODAY'S SHOW: When having your pants stolen by your friends after you're dead hurts.

Dr Bloom Eternal: ...And you have to come to a point where you can say "I steal pants because I am too lazy to buy them on e-bay."

Gorak_munchkin: I'm sorry Regolath! You were dead and I needed your pants. I couldn't just buy some because I only earn a pittance an hour at Chuck-e Cheese. I can't believe it's come to this. Me, over 19 and playing everquest for more than 50 hours a week as a woman even though I'm male and I still can't earn enough pp to get pants of my own! Bwahhaaaa!

Regolath_the_third: I accept that you need pants. You could have just asked for them. After all we were going on that quest to find Baldric Slezaf, or kill Baldric Slezaf or something so that you could get some platinum to cover your bare behind. I mean, waiting till I got killed by a barnacle bones was pretty low.

Dr Bloom Eternal: So you feel you're a victim?

Regolath_the_third: I HAD MY PANTS STOLEN!

Gorak_munchkin: If only I could kill some monsters. You'd think that after sacrificing so much simpsons watching time I'd be ok at combat.

Regolath_the_third: I should have stuck to progressquest

Dr Bloom Eternal: Now we're getting somewhere!

Gorak_munchkin: The bottom line is I just suck.

Dr Bloom Eternal: You do need to step up you guys need to negotiate. Obviously you're a good guy....I think you're just lazy, and you like to do things that feel good... I wouldn't care if you had 50,000 hours behind you if you could actually stay alive long enough to start the first part of a quest and you were taking care of your responsibilities as a party member. Isn't that the issue?

Regolath_the_third: Damn straight.

Gorak_munchkin: Hey! I resent the lazy tag. I'm not going to wear it.

Dr Bloom Eternal: In summary - it's not about the pants. It's about why are you not being any good.

BUY Dr BLOOM'S BOOKS AND TAPES: :CHARACTER MATTERS
Change your life with Dr Bloom's step by step advice.

Next Week:

Party dynamics: Could your party makeup be affecting your questing life? Maybe you shouldn't be entirely composed of bards.

Sounds like you should try playing Progress Quest :

Progress Quest belongs to a new breed of "fire and forget" RPG's. There is no need to interact with Progress Quest at all; it will make progress with you or without you.

Progress Quest is a next generation computer role-playing game. Gamers who have played modern online role-playing games, or almost any computer role-playing game, or who have at any time installed or upgraded their operating system, will find themselves incredibly comfortable with Progress Quest's very familiar gameplay. Progress Quest follows reverently in the footsteps of recent smash hit online worlds, but is careful to streamline the more tedious aspects of those offerings. Players will still have the satisfaction of building their character from a ninety-pound level 1 teenager, to an incredibly puissant, magically imbued warrior, well able to snuff out the lives of a barnload of bugbears without need of so much as a lunch break. Yet, gone are the tedious micromanagement and other frustrations common to that older generation of RPG's.

At least it's not as bad as Progress Quest.

Diablo2 meets ProgressQuest but with the programmability of Robocode!
I love it! I can't wait to try it.

Diablo2 meets ProgressQuest but with the programmability of Robocode!
I love it! I can't wait to try it.

I wanted to say this though. My PC running Windows 2000 at work has been up for 45+ days (running ProgressQuest). Prior to that, it was up for 60+ days before it was rebooted by someone else (not by a crash). Windows 2000 is incredibly stable. An OS need not be based on Unix in order to be stable.

In addition, that comment about Jaguar booting in twenty seconds is false. One of the art directors who works in the ad department got a brand new, top of the line G4 with all the bells and whistles. It still takes over a minute and a half to load up. And another minute for Classic to load up. And the whole thing still runs slow.

Anyway.

It's a fully automated version of Everquest. Just start it up and watch your character advance.

..The cool thing about it is that you get to execute boyscouts and your character can be an enchanted motorcycle, a panda-man, a talking donkey, and MANY other things...

How can you not love that?

No kidding. If we want to just level up, we have Progress Quest for that.

However, because games and gamers have become more sophisticated, it's going to take an even better story to impress people nowadays. I mean, I remember when I first played Phantasy Star on the SMS years ago, I was gripped by the environment and the characters and it seemed like such a cool story at the time. But now when I fire it up in an emulator, the story seems kind of weak. Don't get me wrong, I still love the PS series, though.

If I see another game using the tired old cliche of collecting gems/crystals/whatever and combining them to defeat some evil dude, I'm going to scream.