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So I must ask, should we spend all those billions on machines instead of education? I don't want to sound like a miss universe contestant but right now world peace, world hunger, and world education should be our top priorities.

Once we have these machines, we can turn them to the challenge of pacifying, feeding, and teaching the world.

Not to say we shouldn't stop our current efforts, but doesn't it seem logical that with an army of never-tiring robots to do our bidding, the jobs of policing, feeding, and educating would be that much easier to perform?

... And I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted software personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground manufacturing caves.

Fellow Slashdotters, prepare to be dazzled! [walks to the front of the room] Well, as timothy already mentioned, the name of the book that I read was Masters of Doom. It's about these... [describing the book jacket] games developers. Games developes... with patches over their code... and... shiny red ferraris... and long goofy hair on their shoulders... [pause] Did I mention this book was written by a guy named David Kushner? And published by the good people at Random House. So, in conclusion, on the timothy scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, one being the lowest, and five being average, I give this book... a nine. Any questions? [hands go up] Nope? Then I'll just sit down.

• Enough of your borax, poindexter! We need action --
• 
  [fires his gun six times through the wall]
  Take that, you lousy dimension!
  [the bullets fly toward Homer, but spiral around the widening hole and get sucked into it]
  

• Oh, there's so much I don't know about astrophysics. I wish I'd read that book by that wheelchair guy.

By the magic of Google, I think it's Brockman of The Simpsons... ...SNIP...

No idea about IN SOVIET RUSSIA though mate.

Strangely enough, that soviet russia joke originates from Yakov Smirnoff. He is performing now in Branson, Missouri, which was featured in an episode of the Simpsons, with Yakov himself making an appearance in the family's onstage performance with other Branson performers that "most people think are dead."

He even gets the last laugh in the production number, Ode to Branson, with a play on his 'in soviet russia' joke, but I can't seem to find the line at the moment.

Incidentally, the producer of The Simpsons, Mike Scully, used to write jokes for standup comics, including Yakov Smirnoff.

It's from the Simpsons, the episode entitled Deep Space Homer.

After Homer busted open the Ant Farm, Kent Brockman has an inteview with the astronauts:

Kent: We're just about to get our first pictures from inside the
spacecraft with "average-naut" Homer Simpson, and we'd like to
-- aah!
[Camera shows a close-up of an ant floating in front of the three astronauts]
Everyone: Aah!
Kent: Ladies and gentlemen, er, we've just lost the picture, but,
uh, what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft
has been taken over -- "conquered", if you will -- by a master
race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this
vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men
or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain, there is no
stopping them; the ants will soon be here.
And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to
remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful
in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar
caves.

It's a Kent Brockman quote. See this Simpsons episode.

It was all very two dimensional,

I guess you didn't see Treehouse of Horror VI... =)

My retirement grease!

That wasn't the Simpson family's only encounter with automated law enforcement, as I recall:

Bart of Darkness

Bart: [watching Flanders] An ax. He's got an ax! I'll save you, Lisa!
[tries to walk on his leg, falls back] Uh, I'll save you by
calling the police. [dials 911]
Voice: Hello, and welcome to the Springfield Police Department Resc-u-
Fone[tm]. If you know the name of the felony being committed,
press one. To choose from a list of felonies, press two. If you
are being murdered or calling from a rotary phone, please stay on
the line.
Bart: [growls, punches some numbers]
Voice: You have selected regicide. If you know the name of the king or
queen being murdered, press one.
-- Shockingly ineffective answering services, "Bart of Darkness"

In that price range, you'll probably want to look for a Panaphonics, Magnetbox, or Sorny.

If they're willing to put up with animated actors, why not animated games? I'm not saying that the nintendo games themselves aren't necessarily targeted at children, just that cartoon-looking games will still be accepted by adults depending on the gameplay and content.

Mr Burns could build a giant sun blocker then owls would deafen us with their incessant hooting!

"Lucky for you, this stuff doesn't work" -- Cashier at nutrition store as grossly overweight Homer buys Weight Gain powder (episode 3F05)

From [9F04]

Doll: Guess who, Fat boy!!
Homer: [blinded, bumping around, with the doll strapped to his head]
Marge! Marge! Look!
Marge: [from the kitchen] Oh, my God!
Homer: [staggering into the kitchen] The doll's trying to kill me and the
toaster's been laughin' at me!

Homer and the Killer Doll roll about the floor and Homer has his face dunked
in the dog dish (``Eeeew! Dog water!'') Marge calls the number on the
Krusty doll box (1-900-DON'T-SUE).

Marge: Your doll is trying to kill my husband! [pause] Yes, I'll hold.

Marge lets the Krusty Co. repairman into the kitchen, to see Homer on the
floor, the doll yanking at his tongue. Picking up the doll, the repairman
identifies the problem.

Repairman: [pointing to a Good/Evil switch on the back of the doll]
Yup, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to ``Evil''.

M@

Is it just the geek in me? When I visited the Pressroom link, noted in the article as "other sample applications", I expected to see pictures of things I could poke. I got:

* A floating keypad in the driver's window. Located right where my vehicle is located when I merge onto the highway. Great, now I don't know if the guy pointing at me is letting me merge or calling dial-a-porn.

* A doctor viewing what appears to be a movie -- note the VCR-style buttons. It reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Lisa yells to Doctor Nick from the gallery: "Hey! The incision should be made below the blockage! Below!"

* And finally, the smiling face and very, very glossy head of "HoloTouch President and founder R. Douglas McPheters". This, folks is the guy asking for your Venture Capital dollars. Of all the holograms on this page, this one is the one that makes me want to reach out and poke something.

*honk* Gotcher nose!

You are an idiot, and so are the moderators who got this up to +4.

News flash - you don't need to be a trial lawyer to be an expert in a legal issue. Maybe you should try reading his resume before you go off sounding like a moron. He is professor of law at Columbia University and the FSFs general counsel, but you would rather listen to some Lionel Hutz when it comes to a legal opinion about copyright issues. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.

Heh, I was just trying to remember which episode that was ...

Radio Bart

YS

> What's to prevent me from putting this special marker on a copy of a game?

The Green Lantern, Thundra, or possibly... Ghost Rider.

When I read that, the first thing I thought of was the Simpsons episode featuring Tomacco where Homer is offered $150 million and says he won't take anything less than $150 billion.

You've gotta be careful about using double negatives, but triple negatives are OK.

ObSimpsons:

Bart: Dad, are you licking toads?
Homer: I'm not *not* licking toads.

Could that then be called an mono^H^H^H^H escalator to nowhere?!!!

Computer 1 <displays a BSOD>
*nix user <pointing at computer> "HA-HA!"
Computer 2: "User Nelson logged in".

The most frightening thing about your post is the fact that you have bred.

Don't worry, little boy. Despite what your friends have told you, it won't rot off if you kiss a girl.

"Milhouse, we're living in the age of cooties. I can't believe the risk you're running!"
-- Bart Simpson, "Bart's Friend Falls in Love"

Yeah, "I used to be rich. I owned Mickey Mouse Massage Parlors. Then those Disney sleazeballs shut me down, I said look, I'll change the logo, I'll put Mickey's pants back on. You just can't reason with some people"

-Ted

The Nobel Prize in kickboxing!

Money Fight!

Air holes, or speed holes?

Perfect! Then the Japanese living in France can watch "The Happy Smile Super Challenge Family Wish Show." Do you remember this episode? I wouldn't want to miss a show that punishes ignorance instead of rewarding knowledge!

Linare will try to offer better technical support than do current $200 PC makers by outsourcing technical support to employees in India who don't cost as much to hire.

ObSimpsons: "Thank-you-come-again."

Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for
squealing, but then I realized, it was _I_ who wronged _you_. So
I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're...selling _what_, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the
cosmos. [slams the door]
Apu: He's got me there.

At least give the context! :^)

Doctor: It's nothing serious; just lay off the chili and you
should be fine.
Castro: [sitting nearby, snickers]
Pope: Don't you laugh, Fidel. I've been in the car with you.
[pan to Burns, who is filling out the admissions form]
Burns: Let's see, social security number ... naught, naught,
naught ... naught, naught ... naught, naught, naught, two.
Damn Roosevelt. [continuing to read] Cause of parents'
death ... got in my way.

I say the FSF should team up with Redhat and SUSE, and make a hostile buyout of the company, then sue the CEOs.

Nah, Bill gates should buy them out, boys.

Homer: I reluctantly accept your proposal!
Bill Gates: Well everyone always does. Buy 'em out, boys!
[Gates' lackeys trash the room.]
Homer: Hey, what the hell's going on!
Bill Gates: Oh, I didn't get rich by writing a lot of checks!
[insane laughter]
-- Bill Gates buys Homer's Internet company ("Compuglobalhypermeganet"), "Das Bus"

The key scientists behind this project are Dr. Bartholemew J. Simpson and Dr. Dennis "The Menace" Mitchell.

Mike

Bart: Gimmie. I want more. [grabs back the tomato and eats it]
Lisa: I thought you said it tasted terrible.
Bart: It does. [grinds out the remains of the first tomato] But it's smooth and mild. [grabs another] And refreshingly addictive.

Why would a money-losing company cheat any more than a money-making company? Afterall, the money-making company is more likely to have succeded at cheating...

Homer: 30 Seconds? But I want it now!

Actually, it's 40 seconds... from SNPP.com:

Moe: Oh, boy! The deep fryer's here. Heh heh, I got it used from the navy. You can flash-fry a buffalo in forty seconds.
Homer: Forty seconds? But I want it now!

Mark

Oohh, I've wasted my life...

Homer: 30 Seconds? But I want it now!

Actually, it's 40 seconds... from SNPP.com:

Moe: Oh, boy! The deep fryer's here. Heh heh, I got it used from the navy. You can flash-fry a buffalo in forty seconds.
Homer: Forty seconds? But I want it now!

Mark

Oohh, I've wasted my life...

You're thinking of [1F12] Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy

Interestingly (or maybe not), that episode is about the doll's original creator working with Lisa to try and compete with what the heartless organization has turned the doll into.

No, I guess that isn't interesting, or strictly relevant, but maybe snpp.com is.

Actually, it is the Navitron Autodrive from Episode AABF13.

Hello, I'm Kent Brockman, and welcome to another edition of `Smartline'.
Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say, ``No, of
course not, what kind of stupid question is that?''
-- The value of objectivity in reporting, ``Itchy and Scratchy and Marge''

% His guests are Marge, Roger Meyers (CEO of I&S, Intl), and
% Krusty (``Hi, kids!''), and ...

Joining us live, via satellite from Vienna, home of Sigmund Freud, the
world's greatest psychiatrist, to give us an insight into the human mind,
Dr. Marvin Monroe.
-- `Smartline', ``Itchy and Scratchy and Marge''
[Does that make Freud or Monroe the world's greatest psychologist?]

% After a brief clip of I&S, the debate begins...

Meyers: I did a little research and I discovered a startling thing...
There was violence in the past, long before cartoons were invented.
Kent: I see. Fascinating.
Meyers: Yeah, and know something, Karl? The Crusades, for instance.
Tremendous violence, many people killed, the darned thing went
on for thirty years.
Kent: And this was before cartoons were invented?
Meyers: That's right, Kent.
-- `Smartline', ``Itchy and Scratchy and Marge''

% Dr. Marvin Monroe adds his two cents...

Well, Kent, to me, the hijinks of a few comic characters absolutely pales
in comparison to the crippling emotional problems a psychiatrist runs into
every day. I'm referring to women who love too much, fear of winning,
sexaholism, stuff like that.
-- Dr. Marvin Monroe on `Smartline', ``Itchy and Scratchy and Marge''

% Krusty is next...

Kent: For another opinion...
Krusty: [laughs] Hi, kids! [laughs]
Kent: Krusty, please. We're giving you the opportunity to participate in
a serious discussion, here.
Krusty: Oh, I'm sorry Kent. Just that when the camera gets on me, I just...
Hey! [throws a custard pie in his own face] [honks horn]
Kent: Krusty!
Krusty: [honks horn] [cowers]
-- `Smartline', ``Itchy and Scratchy and Marge''

% Marge get to make her concluding statement, in which she asks all concerned
% parents to write to I&S and express their feelings. In his office, Mr.
% Meyers goes through the tons of angry mail he's received... ``The
% screwballs have spoken...''
%
% [End of Act Two. Time: 13:00]

Just thought I'd quote that.

Don't like violence? Let's start with the worst offender of all time: The Bible. I've never seen a TV show where a baby gets cut in half yet, nor one where live animals are sacrificed.

Maybe in Bhutan they have some different TV shows. Beats me.

Good reference, but lazy. How long would it take to plug a couple of phrases into google against snpp.com? In about 7 seconds I found this page, which clarifies the section as:

Oh, Captain Janeway... Lace -- the final brassiere!
-- Comic Book Guy downloads porn, "Das Bus"

% Despite having found what he wants, his modem is very slow and he's
% impatient.

Ugh, this high-speed modem is intolerably slow!
-- Comic Book Guy, "Das Bus"

% The picture slowly appears, line by line, but as soon as it gets to the
% cleavage, an ad for "Internet King" (Homer) appears and covers any nudity
% on the screen.

What the-- the Internet King... I wonder if he can provide faster nudity.
-- Comic Book Guy sees one of Homer's ads on a porn site, "Das Bus"

Burns: "Since the beginning of time man has yearned to destroy the sun."

First, we sent mice to Mars. I have no idea why, maybe it was to eat the red cheese.

Next, we sent cats to take care of the mouse problem.

Now, we have to send dogs like Rover to take care of the cats?

What next? Will we have to send gorillas to eat the dogs, and hope that the Martian winter then kills the gorillas? Skinner: "When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death"

might I also recommend "Trucker's Choice" Stay-Alert Capsules

Mike

From here

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That's specious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?
[Homer thinks of this, then pulls out some money]
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.
[Lisa refuses at first, then takes the exchange]

When people get used to the current level of security, and stop worrying as much about terrorists, they'll back off security little by little to save money. I hope.

Nonesense. It's a perfectly cromulent word.

% Ned sees Moe being chased by an alien. (``Kneel before my slingshot,
% puny earthling!'') So Ned wishes that the aliens would be gone. Moe
% chases the alien with a board with a nail in it. The aliens flee.

Alien 1: It seems the earthlings won.
Alien 2: Did they? That board with a nail in it may have defeated us.
But the humans won't stop there. They'll make bigger boards
and bigger nails, and soon, they will make a board with a nail
so big, it will destroy them all!
[both aliens laugh evilly, for quite some time]
-- `The Monkey's Paw' in ``Treehouse of Horror II''

Kent: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack-beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?

Homer: Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that.

Homer the Vigilante

DON'T TOUCH IT! HACK THEM ALL INTO PIECES!

The plants are from OUTERSPACE!!!!!

It's a conspiracy! The "people" involved make you believe that the pod is really a big flower, but really it's a HUMAN BODY REPLICATOR! It'll suck the LIFE out of you WHILE YOU SLEEP! The site even shows how the pods are human size! That child was just hatched!

[shouting] That doll is *Evil*, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!

Marge: I'm Marge Simpson, and I have an idea.
Everyone: Aw, no. Marge is going to say something. etc.
Marge: Now, I know you haven't liked some of my past suggestions,
like switching to the 18 cent piece--
Abe: [stammers a little] The 18 cent piece is the tool of the
devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the
way I likes it.
Quimby: The old person's remarks will be stricken from the record.
Abe: Who said that?

[2F31]

M@

no no, that's "Blisstonia", not "Blisstopia".

Also, All Hail the Leader!