Slashdot Mirror
Google Moves Into Drink Market
atrader42 writes "Google has announced on its main page a mysterious new product called "Google Gulp". Featuring qualities such as "autodrink" and brain optimization, Google Gulp promises to be the drink of the future. Although one may be concerned about the fine print, which includes provisions such as "Google Gulp will send packets of data related to your usage of this product from a wireless transmitter," we should be able to trust them on this. What's next? Yahoo Yoohoo? MSN Munchies?"
It looks like they might have used this to comment on some of the issues brought up in yesterdays article about prefetching...
4. What if I don't want to use Auto-Drink(TM)?
No problem - simply turn off Auto-Drink(TM) on your Google Gulp preferences page.
5. Well, shouldn't Auto-Drink(TM) be default-off?
You mean we should cripple a perfectly useful feature just because of a little bad PR?
Now we are moving in the right direction...reporting others' joke artcles...
Murder should be legal if it serves the greater good. Discuss.
If they can combine this with AdWords in the bathroom...they'll make millions!
I think Yahoo has them beat, though - their acquisition of Drinkr has really upped their cred in the blogosphere.
concrete5: a cms made for marketing, but strong enough for geeks.
...how many "not another one!" comments this story recieves, it still beats work.
Netcraft confirms it.
As a great april fools joke, how about when the NEXT dumb joke-story gets posted, all the trolls who would normally whine "BORING" or "STOP ALREADY" or whatever simply DON'T post anything?
THAT would be unexpected and hilarious!
I don't know the meaning of the word 'don't' - J
April Fools?
In soviet Russia, Linux compiles YOU!
a Fool of April you are.
I'll stop the Yoda nonsense now.
.: Max Romantschuk
What the subject said! Good to see that Google has a sense of humor! Not like other companies which shall M$ not be named.
...is my birthday - do you think I'm going to be an April Fool with that story?
You heard it first here.
Pick up a cap on Ebay!
m =5181692476&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&rd=1
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ite
Vincent J. Murphy
Spandex Justice
... somebody has a bottle cap for sale:
m =7146537131
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ite
The thing that I think is great about this is that Google is basically willing to poke fun at themself. There are obviously tons of people that freak out about Gmail's method of showing ads when you view your emails and such, and here we have Google cracking jokes at their own practices. Just classic.
Unstable Apps: Our Android Apps Don't Suck
Good thing you posted this before lunch...
shens
Gee, do ya think? ... Apparently not.
I could see people buying Google drinks simply because the company has an aura of being able to accomplish the impossible. Google could package some water, dye and label it as the most healthy drink in the world and people (sadly enough) would believe it.
Thats a good one.
Q When will you take Google Gulp out of beta?
A Man, if you pressure us, you just drive us away. We'll commit when we're ready, okay? Besides, what's so great about taking things out of beta? It ruins all the romance, the challenge, the possibilities, the right to explore. Carpe diem, ya know? Maybe we're jaded, but we've seen all these other companies leap headlong into 1.0, thinking their product is exactly what they've been dreaming of all their lives, that everything is perfect and hunky-dory and the next thing you know some vanilla copycat release from Redmond is kicking their butt, the Board is holding emergency meetings and the CEO is on CNBC blathering sweatily about "a new direction" and "getting back to basics." No thanks, man. We like our freedom.
Yes it's an All Fools day joke. Their is no official Press Release nor any SEC filings yet.
... you fail it.
So long, so hard.
In Soviet Russia, Fools April YOU!
Today I almost find myself hoping for a Roland Piquepaille article, just to relieve the pace....
Cheers,
b&
All but God can prove this sentence true.
Of course it is, now where do I go get one of these drinks? :P
It's traditional to play one April Fool's joke, not several each...
Roll on tomorrow, when the site will return to being nearly (but not quite) a useful source of information.
It's official. Most of you are morons.
You're wasting my day just posting other people's crappy April 1st jokes. Now what am I going to do at work - actually work??
Hi, Slashdot.
Listen, I understand the need to (try?) be funny on April Fools day. But the problem is, the whole spirit of "April Fools" is to fool the person into actually believing the joke.
Posting random bits of joke material over and over is not a very good April Fools.
Might I suggest next year that you post a story amongst a bunch of real runes, that is somewhat believable..
Have a nice day.
Excuse me, I don't mean to impose, but I am the ocean
combined this story with the one about Paris being a shill for Linux. Then the use of the word 'gulp' would be more applicable.
Of course, the part about brain optimization might also be useful in her case.
To see some of the stories you've been missing, see my Journal.
We will bankrupt ourselves in the vain search for absolute security. -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
From the page ...
Google Gulp and Your Privacy
From time to time, in order to improve Google Gulp's usefulness for our users, Google Gulp will send packets of data related to your usage of this product from a wireless transmitter embedded in the base of your Google Gulp bottle to the GulpPlex(TM), a heavily guarded, massively parallel server farm whose location is known only to Eric Schmidt, who carries its GPS coordinates on a 64-bit-encrypted smart card locked in a stainless-steel briefcase handcuffed to his right wrist. No personally identifiable information of any kind related to your consumption of Google Gulp or any other current or future Google Foods product will ever be given, sold, bartered, auctioned off, tossed into a late-night poker pot, or otherwise transferred in any way to any untrustworthy third party, ever, we swear. See our Privacy Policy.
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be
In Korea, only the elderly fool April.
Is it April 2nd, yet?
trollicus-Trollicus the origional troll , commenly refferd to as a bottom feeder or idiot troll
No worries. I'm sure it'll use the evil bit RFC added last year.
I've got bad karma, so I don't care what my post is rated.
I submitted an article on another site and it got rejected.
The article reviewer is WEAK!
I was lucky enough to be a member of the Google Gulp Alpha Testing Team, and I can say that it made my penis larger by 10%. I was also irresistable to the female species (including small, female dogs and Homosexual Pelicans), and I had a bald friend who tried some and grew hair so thick that he looked like Josef Stalin. Things may have changed since going to Beta, however, so use at your own risk.
porp
I normally like April Fools Jokes but many I've been seeing are pretty poor at best. And the good ones aren't even really April Fools Jokes. Thier parodies (like the ones you've listed above).
Here's a few hints to tech sites and online magazines who want to write jokes:
1. If you're going to make April Fools Joke, don't make it obvious! A good April Fools Joke is subtle and manages to trick people.
2. If it is obvious, at least try to be witty and imaginative.
3. Not everyone can do comedy. There is a line between funny and lame.
4. Just because you're co-workers laughed when you showed them it, doesn't mean you're readers will.
This brings up a good point. Is a liquid hard or soft?
I'll turn into a supernova and burn up everything. Well I'll turn into a black little hole and you'll turn into string.
This is priceless :
When will you take Google Gulp out of beta?
Man, if you pressure us, you just drive us away. We'll commit when we're ready, okay? Besides, what's so great about taking things out of beta? It ruins all the romance, the challenge, the possibilities, the right to explore. Carpe diem, ya know? Maybe we're jaded, but we've seen all these other companies leap headlong into 1.0, thinking their product is exactly what they've been dreaming of all their lives, that everything is perfect and hunky-dory - and the next thing you know some vanilla copycat release from Redmond is kicking their butt, the Board is holding emergency meetings and the CEO is on CNBC blathering sweatily about "a new direction" and "getting back to basics." No thanks, man. We like our freedom.
Thank you Captain Obvious!
Given the April Fools' backlash that's begun to develop, I was starting to worry that they'd put up the story that I submitted about Google Gulp.
...But come on, is there even one legitimate news story on the front page? Enough is enough, guys.
Not just MSN Munchies. Also, there's the all new Butter Toffee FAT Clusters. Available in 12, 16 and 32 bite sizes.
Additionally, Campbell's ammounced today that they are releasing a Unicode version of their famous Alphabet Soup.
Unknown host pong.
Give us some credit - will ya? It's April 1st after all! Please try again...
I think slashdot owes an apology to the guy who sarcastically predicted this story coming here in the satellite story. Really. (I believe his exact words were "What next, a story on Google Gulp?")
I am trolling
The beer industry has been on to this forever. When I drink beer I'm smater, cooler and have the moves to hit on chicks. The beer makers must have a feedback mechanism built into the product as they know what the chicks I want look like and how cool and how much smater I want to be... just watch the commercials.
"Academicians are more likely to share each other's toothbrush than each other's nomenclature."
Cohen
Come on, you guys fucking suck. Your April Fool's posts are moronic, unfunny, and embarassing. The only good thing to come out of this might be a one day increase in IT productivity numbers.
Quit while you're way fucking behind, you worthless sacks of fuck.
I think slashdot should be more open to creating new categories as this one clearly shows.
Drinks are not hardware...
Yes the wireless chips and the nanobots that would be part of the drink and packaging are, but they are used in comination with a fluid medium.
All future Slashdot 04/01 jokes should now include an appropriatly created category for their placement.
JC
On Arrakis: early worm gets the bird. Magister mundi sum!
I'm concerned about the prospect of Microsoft getting into this business. In the past, they've tended to overpromise, and under-deliver. If/when they get into the adaptive food business, I suspect that they'll start serving Chinese food, leaving you hungry for more in an hour. The impact on the US economy would be significant. Money diverted into this type of cyber-food would mean less money spent on essential things like gas. Perhaps we should put a consumption tax on adaptive-cyber food to make up for the lost fuel tax revenue.
Best regards.
I don't see why this belongs in the hardware section :?
- Teja
All this banging my head against a wall trying to make April Fool's slashdot go away gets real sore after a while.
The hard part today is figuring out which story is for real.. stay tuned
-ashot
As I understand Google will be sued by MS on this idea as the former company has a patent granted regarding the information transfer technology involved with google pulp.
Skin data transfer technology has existed since when the first life forms started crawling around and feeling things (data signals sent to brain).
However the prospect of a judge ruling in favor of google depends on whether the data signals from his skin are sent to his brain and whether or not he those signals where correctly interpreted by the patent office.
Just the latest PC fad, with a lot of empty calories. Always in search of the next thing, never questioning how real the pages on the Net that Google finds are, just like this drink.
But, more importantly, will it come in a BSD-compatible version?
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
... that let's me disable April Fools day stories.
Jumpin Jesus on a Pogo Stick. there's been at least 10 April Fools Day stories.
...that I find this pretty hard to swallow.
Agreed. This is ridiculous. They might as well just shut down Slashdot on April 1st if this is what things are going to be like.
I mean, I wouldn't mind it so much if some other site managed to fool the slashdot editors... but they're being complicit in all of this, and turning Slashdot into "Poor Parodies for Nerds".
You don't exist. Go away.
Slashdot readership at an all time low after people realized that the only stories posted today are april fool jokes!
For fucks sake, I come here for good, interesting news - and just because some Yahoo decided that people played jokes on this day, every fucking website out there has these silly frigging stories.
/. today you can't tell the real from the idiotic.
It's not funny, it's annoying. One might have been humorous. But with all the bullshit on
That Taco guy should have his keyboard shoved down his throat.
You're forgetting about this: II Kings 2:11
"And as they still went on and talked, behold, a chariot of fire and horses of fire separated the two of them. And Elija went up by a whirlwind into heaven."
Now, can you imagine the Pope riding the PopeMobile like that?
April Fools!
Slashdot does this every year. I mean, it's not like it's a surprise or anything.
(Although they actually fooled me a few times quite some time ago, but we won't go into that)
The fun game that's sweeping the nation. . . .
.
.
Educational and entertaining. . . .
Enjoyed by kids of all ages. . . .
Yes folks - the "Slashdot - sport the real story" game! Find the real story deftly hidden amongst all the April Fools jokes and win a prize*!
Try it today! You too could be a winner!
* Prize may not actually be real. Objects in the mirror may appear more ugly than they actually are.
okay i get it, its april fools day. enough already with the bs stories. every damn time i look theres a new story, and upon closer inspection, its just a retarded joke that nobody could possibly fall for. getting madder. i can see doing one or two of these, but cmon. i am going to stop looking today, i havent had quite enough to drink to find this amusing, but more than enough to piss me off.
...Fools everywhere taken in by April 1 pranks, mass hilarity ensues.
I'm working a nightshift... if there aren't any real stories soon, I'm gonna have to do some work!!!
If I drink that, can I find my clean socks faster?
If you mod this up, your slashdot background will turn into a beautiful sunset!
The joke in the whole thing is, of course, to bug the crap out of people; but I really wonder if it was hatched before hand or it came about from the not funny comments. It's very second-gradish, which is probably why I got a smirk out of it. I've never been much for cultivating and maturing my sense of humor.
Either way, it has absolutely nothing to do with the section of the Software Project Plan I should be writing because we're trying to become CMMI Level Useless certified. I think I'll read some more.
I nearly shit myself.
KEEP THE FUNNIES ROLLING IN. APRIL 1ST WITH SLASHDOT IS LIKE XMAS & BIRTHDAY ROLLED INTO ONE.
This clearly isn't an April Fools joke because I got one in the mail yesterday.
On a completely unrelated note, wouldn't you agree that it's better to take someting and run with it rather than just shout "I got the joke!"
xkcd.com - a webcomic of mathematics, love, and language.
The thing is that I had searched for this before. But I guess its Google PR* wasn't very high. I couldn't find it.
* Birds!
Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.
Googledot more than ever on April 1st.
Stay tuned for the fifth Google story...
They should rename the Google drink to the Big Gulp, because it's really hard to swallow.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
I for one enjoy the tradition of reading the many articles and new Google product roll-outs posted on April Fool's Day and wondering whether they are actually true. Gmail anyone?
Yes, I know it's just one day of the year, but...
/. eds take the day off. :)
take one innovative company...
make up "crazy" stories that seem plausible...
Enough with the Google AF stories!!!
Macs as a fetish property
100,000 servers $50 million 50 round trip tickets to the rain forest $50,000 30 cans of super strength bug spray $20,000 Putting one over on your boss who does realize that your actually going to South America for cheap prostitutes. Priceless
"Those that start by burning books, will end by burning men."
I guess Google is going to be the do-all of the future, ala "Demolition Man" and not Taco Bell..
Hey, I'm hungry, let's all get dressed up and go to eat at Google tonight! Yea!! (friends cheering)
Shouldn't GoogleGulp be SOFTWARE?
obviously, the April fool was on fire.
First time I've seen two upcoming stories. Anyhoo, one of these is a dupe:
Mega Mags, Life Sized Magnetic Toys
Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
from the to-large-for-dwarves dept.
A random user noted MegaMags , a life size version of the popular MiniMag toys available at ThinkGeek (TG is owned by OSTG, the parent company of Slashdot, so activate all conspiracy theories now). You can also look into the new iPod accessory iCopulate which allows intimacy between mp3 players never before fantasized. And for the suit that has everything, Executve Pong.
See any serious problems with this story? Email our on-duty editor.
Heh, it's a dupe, but given that the on-duty editor seemed to have died three years ago, why bother with emailing?
Developers: Microsoft Porting SQL Server To New Platforms
Posted by Zonk in The Mysterious Future!
from the dept.
FuzzyGuru writes "Hot on the heels of the 'Most Important Ever' MySQL reaching Beta status, Microsoft is finally taking the Linux plunge. Microsoft has decided to release a version of MSSQL2005 for Linux, Unix and XBox." From the article: "We thought it was important to address the Linux/Unix marketplace, providing a key database for their use on that platform as applications are developed and deployed...In addition, with the Xbox development opportunities, it's clear that SQL Server is the database platform that can now be used in the full customer lifecycle - from business-related applications support to consumer and gaming applications, the full line of SQL Server offerings will be available to support those needs."
See any serious problems with this story? Email our on-duty editor.
Okay, now this one isn't even remotely clever. Please stop the insanity already!
Want to improve your Karma? Instead of "Post Anonymously", try the "Post Humously" option.
I never thought I'd see the day- especially in April.
They should ship some over to the Vatican City -- I reckon the Pope could do with a bit of brain stimulation right now...
*ducking and running*
What kind of /. reader are you if you can't spot the real story.
I cannot STAND when otherwise generally reputable news sources buy into the retarded pranks of April Fools.
I want to read tech news on Slashdot. If I want humor, I'll go a joke site. And I do.
THEN we'd also need all the people that bitch about the people that bitch to stop bitching, too!!
HAHAH GOOD IDEA AHAHA.... THAT would be HILARIOUS!!!
- It's not the Macs I hate. It's Digg users. -
Yahoo Slacker is next, not Yahoo Yoohoo.
A computer makes it possible to do, in half an hour, tasks which were completely unnecessary to do before.
the Pope walks out with Terri Schiavo... FOOLED YOU!!!!!
that would be great
"... much the way buses travel between stations, or MP3 files travel between felonious suburban teenagers."
Wow.. enough said.
If you drink too much of this stuff does it give you gSpots?
An emrgency shipment of Google Glup has been sent to the Vactican, to see if it can save the Pope!
In America, you spam computers In Soviet Russia, computers spam you!
And "I'm Feeling Drunk!" already.
You've not been a member very long have you...?
Moderated off topic? I think it's hilariously on-topic.
If you're sick of the April Fools Day jokes, stop reading. I'm sure CNN is a better place for those of you who only want serious news.
Anyone realize today is gmail's first birthday? It was on April 1st, 2004 that the concept was put forward and tricked so many people into thinking it was a joke. Maybe this Google Gulp thing is for real too :)
Yeah, and we should have seen this coming because His Holiness loves to try to pull a prank like this each year...
Some how I don't think so. While your comment was creative, perhaps a bit of respect for a dying leader it more in order.
obviously not :-)
1. Go to www.slashdot.org
2. Close eyes
3. Point
This could easily be an April Fools joke as google is known to usually do that when April 1st rolls around.
Munchies...
Sheesh.
"Win treats sysadmins better than users. Mac treats users better than sysadmins. Linux treats everyone like sysadmins."
It's been like this since I started reading slashdot ('98 I think) and I assume before, get over it. It's Friday and it's April Fools, stop being a curmudgeon.
You can be an atheist and still not want to succumb to some weird cross-over sheep disease -- AC
Did you know Google Gulp sits in your stomach until 2038??? Nobody has bothered to challenge them on this. There is also evidence that it will burn a unique number on your hard stools during this time. Fact: every flush will go through Google's sewage processing and they'll be able to track everything you eat.
And next year, don't buy the Google Fedora(TM). It's spyware.
Sincerely,
Google-Gulp-Watch.org
.. Rich text format?! Coloured e-mails?! Coloured spam?! Please tell me it's an april fools joke!
They should be calling it 'Gargle' or 'Gorgle' or something like that....
OS Software is like love: The best way to make it grow is to give it away.
Google's other stunt is on the Gmail page. They've got a funny looking graph proclaiming Google will give you infinity +1 storage space. The graph is accompanied by a ticker that shows the increasing storage space for GMail users.
Well, they're not kidding.
Go ahead, login. Take a look at the current usage text.
Now sign out and take a closer look at the numbers ticking by. Do some calculations. What size will your GMail account be by midinght EST?
That's right. 2 GB.
Yeah, go ahead. Steal my anonymous post and give someone else the credit. ITS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE.
Geez.
What's new in Canada however is that not only does beer make you cool and get lots of hawt chix, BUT now they are releasing BEER WITH CAFFEINE - so when your driving home drunk, you won't fall asleep at the wheel.
Google Galactic Gargle Blaster rolls off the tongue much better. Leave "Pan" out. People just associate it too much with the words pancreas and pandemic.
From their FAQs:
11. When will you take Google Gulp out of beta?
Man, if you pressure us, you just drive us away. We'll commit when we're ready, okay? Besides, what's so great about taking things out of beta? It ruins all the romance, the challenge, the possibilities, the right to explore. Carpe diem, ya know? Maybe we're jaded, but we've seen all these other companies leap headlong into 1.0, thinking their product is exactly what they've been dreaming of all their lives, that everything is perfect and hunky-dory ? and the next thing you know some vanilla copycat release from Redmond is kicking their butt, the Board is holding emergency meetings and the CEO is on CNBC blathering sweatily about "a new direction" and "getting back to basics." No thanks, man. We like our freedom.
Pragmatism as an ideology is not particularly pragmatic in the long term. Keep it in mind when you dismiss Free Software
What's up? I submitted this story at 7:36AM PST and it was rejected. My karma points are going to hell in a handbasket.
This is not here.
now it's US $99,999,999.00
And can I drink anywhere I want?
So that's what's been up Google's sleeve with the hiring of all those .PHDs!
me: "honey, take a look at this Google is
introducing a soft drink"
wife: briefly looks at page and says "I'll try it,
I like those gooogle guys"
No more news for me today. Don't know what to believe.
it's April Fools day.
official holiday of geekdom.
I saw the Google Drink link at Google and I... wait no, I don't have to admit that.
-pyrrho
It should have been Google Gulp Beta.
nice try troll