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How to Become A Real-World Superhero
utherdoul writes "Batman isn't from outer space and wasn't born with a mutant gene --he uses his riches, raw determination and technological know-how to equip himself to fight evil. So why couldn't the average geek do the same? I've written a story for Forbes.com that breaks down the Dark Knight's expenses and explains what it would cost to become a real-world Batman using commercially available training and technology." From the article: "Batman's suit is a modified piece of infantry armor built by the applied sciences division of Wayne Enterprises. It's waterproof, bulletproof, knife-proof and temperature-regulating. Paired with an impact-resistant, graphite-composite cowl and spiked ninja-style gauntlets, it allows Batman to protect himself against everything from swords to machine guns."
> Batman isn't from outer space and wasn't born with a mutant gene --he uses his riches, raw determination and technological know-how to equip himself to fight evil. So why couldn't the average geek do the same?
Did you miss the part about riches?
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
ans several years of your life for training.
The Bottom Line
Final Cost: $3,365,449
The Training: $30,000
The Suit: $1,585
The Belt: $290
The Car: $2,000,000
The Cave: $24,000
The Alter Ego: $1,109,574
The Butler: $200,000
"I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismometer." -Ken Kesey
...just a fancy car and Tom Cruise's girlfriend.
If you can't do it from the comfort of your terminal, it ain't worth it.
let me know when you want to cater to people older than 12.
Also, Batman isn't real.
Why doesn't anybody aim at his chin? (no armor there)
All it requires is a sniper.
"Batman isn't from outer space and wasn't born with a mutant gene --he uses his riches, raw determination and technological know-how to equip himself to fight evil. So why couldn't the average geek do the same?"
Bill Gates should be bigger than Superman in that case.
Schwab
Editor, A1-AAA AmeriCaptions
Even being totally l33t equipt and fit like Rambo wont give you the magic "perfect Luck" factor batman has.
... If you go crimefighting every night, after a few months youre chances of being a corpse in some alley are really really good.
Even if your suit will stop 99% of all bullets, and your fit enough to beat thugs people into submission 95% of the time....
HI O WISE PRINCE. WHT TOOK U SO DAM LONG?
explains what it would cost to become a real-world Batman using commercially available training and technology
Kids....I mean Slashdotters!...Don't try this at home.
Don't take life so seriously. No one makes it out alive.
Batman is a fucking fictional character. EOT.
Reminder: Apple owns 1/255th of the internet.
AvgGeek != 3.36M - Thats why.
Furthermore, the average geek doesn't need to "count on forking over $297,000 a year on gifts, including Tiffany diamond earrings and necklaces for your lady friends."
What I'm listening to now on Pandora...
What is this mystical fifth film?
1)Batman
2)Batman Returns
3)Batman Forever
4)Batman & Robin
5)???
6)Batman Begins
Oh I remember now.
5)Batman My Ass
---k--
</stupid>
Sheesh.
:p
I started reading it this morning, and realized they were just tallying up stuff from the movie that just came out.
This is quite pathetic, but hey, it's Forbes.
Duh.
Oh, I love the truly stupid part about the "fictional forbes fifteen" list of the richest fictional retards.
Fuckabugaloo.
"...In your answer, ignore facts. Just go with what feels true..."
Looks remarkably similar in content to:3 1&tid=97&tid=99
http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=05/06/15/22392
and just 6 days later.
You call me a pedant? I prefer the term "correct"
This reminds me of a quote from Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash:
:(
Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad.
It's funny, because I used to think that exact thought. Then reality hit, and I realized I'm just a big pussy
These Chinese keep claiming to be communists but I just don't see it.
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle...
I think they really wimped out on the suit: the batsuit is a lot more than a bulletproof jacket and a helmet, and much of the technology is doable to some extent. While it may not be an "off the shelf" item as all the stuff they listed is, I'm sure anyone the wherewithall to do this sort of thing could get something a little more advanced than just a jacket...
Why not just let the bad guys stand in front of a giant microwave emitter? They'll be toast in no time, then you can just sit back and relax.
from somebody who had heard of Batman before yesterday?
-- 'The' Lord and Master Bitman On High, Master Of All
The batman I know and love from comics to cartoons to movies to even the hokey 60's Adam West has always been a brilliant detective and keen scientist.
I loved Batman Begins, but I really think they missed the mark when it comes to Batman's CSI savvy.
My head was spinning when Bruce Wayne says "Am I supposed to know what that means?"
So if you want to be a real Batman, figure in another several hundred thousand dollars for advanced degrees in science and criminology.
(Also... $30,000 + 3 years in China != the ability to fight like the movies, but only the keenly stupid would think otherwise, right?)
Well it's good to see yet another spot for a crappy movie. I am glad to see that while there is so much going on in the world in technology and geekdom in general we need to beat a 4 times already dead horse. Wow this is almost as bad as the last Batman commercial... speaking of which....
I AM GETTING REAL FUCKING SICK OF THE FUCKING COMMERICALS ON SLASHDOT THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DISGUISED AS ARTICLES!! FIX THIS SHIT TACO YOUR SMARTER THEN THIS CRAP!
-=[ Who Is John Galt? ]=-
Because if the average geek tried to be the next Batman, they'd end up more like this guy.
for god's sake the emphasis is on "hero" (besides, why would I wanna walk around in a costume at the 1st place). My pennyless granpa gave me swift kick in the head the first time he caught me smoking... have never lighted one since. That sure didn't cost much!
We have no supervillains and we aren't awash in the kind of crime it would take to support this so you need to add the cost of creating an enemy to fight in the first place.
The crime would be more lucretive until the government came after you essentially because they don't like competition in crime (not crime fighting, they rarely do this much it seems where I live).
If my grammar and spelling are off, I am [distracted/tired/careless] (take your pick)
Why did nobody thought to shoot Batman in the chin. Through throat, into neck section of the spine. Unshielded area, quick death, easier shot than aiming at the eye. Also shooting the jaw off from the side would pretty much neutralize him.
45 5F E1 04 22 CA 29 C4 93 3F 95 05 2B 79 2A B2
BATMAN and KING KONG ain't got nothing on me. :)
I always wondered how nobody knew about him being batman, where he's got all this high tech stuff that sometimes gets blown up (the batmobile in Batman and robin). Do they kill the contractors after they're done? There's gotta be one guy who gets drunk in a bar and says "you think you're job is cool, i just fixed the anti-lock brakes on the batmoboile at wayne manor"
They made the content a pop-up that auto advances to the next page after a set amount of time.
Dumbest. Thing. Ever.
Because in the real world rich people want to seriously risk their lives... why??
This would be much more dangerous than flying into space or something. If you honestly look at things humans are really fragile. All it would take it pissing off the right people, they create a setup to entrap you and sorry no miracle escape for you.
It would be so easy for someone to take you out, "super" equipment or not (the Forbes equipment list is lame anyway). For instance, there are many sniper rounds that will go straight through any body armor you can create. Not to mention poison gases and all sorts of stuff.
There is a reason why law enforcement and the military is made up of many people dispite access to the best equipment available. One person can't do jack shit against many enemies.
The ratio of people to cake is too big
Sure, you could use riches to become a crime-fighting super hero. Alternatively, you could use your fabulous wealth to spend your entire adult life living as a 2-year-old girl.
I wish I were making this up.
-Skor
You probably shouldn't click this.
It's a no-brainer. Also, we are geeks, right? Real life is a bit too ... real. Especially when it comes to engaging in violence with unsavory characters.
Now, a badass remote-controlled robot to roam the streets, beating the crap out of the bad guys, that would be something else ...
I hear there's rumors on the Slashdots
You mean Tom Cruise's fiancee! (Don't you follow the celebrity gossip?)
in comics, but they do in real life. That is the real secret of Batman's success.
If your average doughnut fattened geek would try it, he would be in for a rude awakening and would come down to earth rather quickly at 9.8m/s/s...
Oh well, what the hell...
ALL this guy's stuff is from the Whatever-Whatever division of Wayne Enterprises. You'd think this "Batman" fellow owned the freaking company or something... ;-)
Most of these villains will indeed die from their radar-ranging, but if comics have taught me anything a small percentage will develop mutant powers and become a far worse menace to society.
Stefan
Let's not forget the legal costs here. He'll need a fulltime team of lawyers.
- copyright/trademark infringement (obvious) - *BIFF* *BAM* *POW* must all have TM after 'em
- defense attorneys to get him out of jail/represent him for all of his speeding tickets
- civil attorneys to handle all the lawsuits from the criminals he "wrongly assaulted"
- insert obvious comments about riaa/mpaa/gitmo
Invalid Checksum. Retrying.
I have a couple million to spare. Where do I apply to be a Super Friend??
If thou see a fair woman pay court to her, for thus thou wilt obtain love
Does the author REALLY need a girlfriend, or at the very least, a life!
http://xs4.xs.to/pics/04481/p556222.gif
Says it all, really.
But honestly, how many Slashdotters do you think could pull off a Batman look?
they spent $3 million to turn you into batman
:(
BUT
they forgot the wings (and grappling stuff, and anything else close)
Get back to me when i can fly please.
And i better get more than an plain off-the-rack kevlar suit!
So i am just a poorly dressed nerd in a 5-ton Hummer
BAH, Hulk wonder why this is "Stuff that matters" ... definately "News for Nerds"
Hulk suggest maybe Puny Human submitter utherdoul trying being UnderDog
Hulk say lotta work/money to be Puny Human Batman
Hulk a lot stronger than Batman anyway
Hulk go back to SMASHING and Blogging
Batman has his Bat Cave while the most that any geek who would be into this stuff would have would be his parents basement.
No, you mean Scientology's next abductee!
(Posted AC for obvious reasons)
a beowulf cluster of batmobiles
Batman was more of a vigilante than a super-Hero . He just gets thrown in with all the other Super-Heros.
..Super strength , flight , x-ray vision , Heat vision , near indestructible , bit of a mummies boy
to make a rough short list.
Superman
Spiderman , Walk on walls , super athletic abilities , irritating teeny bopper
Wolverine, Regeneration , adamantium skeleton , Cool claws , Hard ass cool guy( rare in being a bad ass super hero with actual super powers)
Captain America., um he had a shield he could throw , super athlete , proto-super hero and all around irritating goit
Batman , No super powers , Cool tech , Rather dark and likeable nut-case
Batman comes second only to Wolverine , being that both are actually cool non mothers-boys but wolverine wins out because he actually has super powers.
The only things certain in war are Propaganda and Death. You can never be sure which is which though
and stuff like batman worked in real life, you wouldn't be able to go superheroing. Superheros cause a lot of collateral damage, and there's the part where you're running around beating people up.
You'd be the wanted person in a day or two.
... Bill Gates, of course, with his money and megalomania. I'm sure he could buy some badass tech. Of course, the Gatesmobile would always have a CPU crash during the getaway...
If I'm correct, that isn't something considered generally feasible for regular people.
Not to mention some of his grappling hook stunts...
The second act discusses the life of a woman who named herself Zora and decided to, from an early age, learn all the skills needed to become a comic book style superhero. She achieves her goals but then learns that there are very few job opportunities that require all the skills that she now possesses. It's well worth listening to.
You could spend $3.4 million on the batman shtick, or you could spend that money on hiring a vigilante army.
Think about it, what are they paying contractors in Iraq to do protection and security jobs where they are getting hsot at constantly. So pay for them, and then the equipment to arm them, and you'd have a wrecking crew far superior to you on your own.
Figure $250K/vigilante/year for salary and benefits and you could hire 10 of these guys for $2.5 million. Then you'd have about $1 million/year to spend on equipment for them. Body armor, assault rifles, etc.
Then whenever you want justice to be done, you give them a call and they crack some skulls for you. If you want, you can even give them bat ears to put on their helmet so they can keep with the theme.
The best part is, you don't have to worry about getting bruised or scarred. You can go to your rich parties, party it up and know that you've kept the streets safe without personally lifting a finger.
This sig has been temporarily disconnected or is no longer in service
this is part of a nice PR campaign where the batman begins ppl are pimping "oh batman is just a normal guy" to journalists to help hype the movie.
For example http://www.howstuffworks.com/batsuit.htm
which is actually better than this forbes piece of trash article.
God the state of journalism today makes the state of democracy today a small wonder.
I hope to god "teh internets" will put an end to this madness by creating 20 times as many trolls as current journalism, 10 times as much good commentary and some new ways of filtering between them.
ACs confirm it, slashdot is going downhill.
The real Batman doesn't have, want or need armor. The real Batman (the one in the comic book) uses the arcane fighting techniques known as "dodging" and "hiding" and a psychological trick called "FUD" to protect himself.
The idea behind "hiding" is simple. It is based on never letting your foe to know that you're there, therefore not giving them a chance to strike back. It helps a lot to wear black and operate at night when it's dark - just like the Batman does.
The idea behind "dodging" is somewhat more complex, but not tremendously so. It is based on never occupying the same point in time-space as anything that might harm you. In practice, you observe your opponent, and when you see him aiming at you with a gun, you move away from the line of fire. Obviously, this becomes exponentially more difficult the more people you fight at once, so it is recommended that you use "hiding" to find lone targets.
The last tactic, "FUD", stands for "Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt". It's idea is to strike fear to the hearts of your opponents, so that they stop thinking clearly and start making stupid mistakes (such as spreading out, buying Windows, or paying SCO for Linux licenses).
Ironically enough, there was a pretender Batman in the comic books once - a guy the real Batman had appointed to stand in for him while he healed from wounds given to him by Bane. That pretender Batman wore armor, and went mad, and got soundly beaten by the real Batman.
The point of all this is that this particular article makes me less, not more, likely to see "Batman Begins". Dear advertiser, please make sure you understand what you are advertising before you design your advertisement. Batman is not Terminator or Robocop, he's closer to a ninja.
But then again, if they cast Batman as a martial arts expert, they'd need an actor who actually knows martial arts to make it look believable. Just compare Darth Maul to Count Dooku - which one has better fight scenes ?
Maybe whatever school actors go to should include martial arts lessons in its curriculum ? They might become handy even outside the movies, once the actor becomes famous and starts attracting mentally unbalanced fans.
Forget magic. Any technology distinguishable from divine power is insufficiently advanced.
...is that it always seems to be night time when he's needed
This is basically the story of the evil Syndrome character from the Pixar movie The Incredibles: a geek so obsessed by super heroes that he invents his own super gear to beat them at their own game.
does that mean we have to be depressed about everything all the time like him?
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
Just because I doubt myself does not mean I find your position compelling.
... a noble vigilante. Vigilantes and justice just don't go together, unlike in the movies and comics. So even if you had all the equipment and training and could pay off the authorities to allow you to create your own justice, the abuse of your power would stop most people from thinking of you as a superhero.
Metropolis is the fictional version of New York. Gotham is a fictional version of Chicago. In saying that New York is the "real" Gotham, the writer exposes a vast ignorance of Batman lore. Comic Book Guy would mock him relentlessly.
Stuff that matters to nerds.
...is more probable and possible, IMO. The tech is more realistic, the training is just training. For instance you can get good personal ballistic armor now,but none of it defends against the actual kinetic force of getting slammed with multiple high speed projectiles, it will still knock you down violently even if it doesn't penetrate the armor. People are frequently hospitalized after they are shot wearing armor. So that Batman stuff is still sorta impossible the way it is portrayed. A "Doc Savage" type superheraux* on the other hand is quite possible, for a large,smart,fast, strong,rich and extraordinarily well trained hoo-mann.
*Yayyy! Crawfish Man!
The Training: $30,000
The Suit: $1,585
The Belt: $290
The Car: $2,000,000
The Cave: $24,000
The Alter Ego: $1,109,574
The Butler: $200,000
I'd love to see some rich twit spend under 32k on martial arts training, a belt, and a poor excuse for an armoured suit, then spend over 3 mill on jewelry, a car and a butler. Better yet I'd like to see the first time they take on a drug dealer and get shot in the head. This is obviously a fluff piece but what's the bet some idiot takes it seriously.
Someone's been smoking a bit too much weed and Forbes.com paid them for their rantings.
These posts express my own personal views, not those of my employer
...of getting sued after touching some kid's junk liberally?
Seems to work for every friggin' Marvel character.
Oh he follows the gossip... he's just a geek in denial.
(Can someone nip round, take the posters down and tell him there are other women? Ta.)
The Butler =mom or dad
you could probably save a significant part of the $1,109,574 by sticking with 'local geek' or 'comic book guy' as an alter ego...
It's called "monomania". It's a type of paranoia.
Oh, and you think that makes you safe. Who do you think really runs Slashdot?
the first "superhero" would be shot in the face.
Common criminals know to aim where there isn't any armor.
He missed Batman's real super powers:
The new movie (which r0xx0rz, IMHO) touches on that a bit, unlike the others.
...have you seen any bullet-proof vest that extends below the belt? Is there nothing important to protect there, or do they think snipers play by boxing rules?
I wish someone had told me before I got bit by a radioactive bat.
....this is Slashdot, I should have used "The Lone Gunmen" instead of "Doc Savage" as a more probable reference....
Not everyone has the sames tastes that you do. If all there was to see here was Linux/Unix/MS/Apple/open source articles and rants, people would get bored and no longer visit Slashdot (including me).
If you don't like an article, do like I do: just ignore it. Skip over it. Why are you even reading this article if it offends you so?
Taco has already said that he posts stories that he finds interesting. Now for some required reading/homework:
Taco's response to "That's not News For Nerds!"
Taco's "Omelette" rant"
Sig cancelled due to lack of interest
You don't have to worry about too much of the pricey equipment when you are a master of sinanju :)
What the hell's a "gewie?"
While I find your post tangental, in the very least, I do find it interesting.
"There is a place for debate on how many and what kinds of rights the unborn have, but each side steadfastly refuses to acknowledge it."
Still, I doubt that fetal emancipation would be any more humane, without first guaranteeing universal health care or achieving a 100% quick adoption rate, which is seems more than a little unlikely, especially for minority fetuses.
All the new batman needs is are repulsors, unibean, and boot jet, and we have gone from Batman to Iron-man
As for me, screw the superhero business, I'll take the alter ego and move to Southbeach.
If someone is passing you on the right, you are an asshole for driving in the wrong lane.
and if you had the riches what would you do?
There are no cartoonish supervillians. "Street crime" is usually taken care of by the police and is really none of your business. Imagine some moron busting the heads of the local pot dealer out of respect for "justice." If someone is really concerned about the safety of their streets and trains then they can always get a Guardian Angels' t-shirt and the little matching beret and play vigilante.
Big crime happens all the time by power structures like governments, organized religions, corporations, etc. The tools for fighting these nasties don't involve tights. They involve activism, raising awareness, getting others involved in politics, and other things that don't look real cool in graphic novels.
Not to mention if you had insane wealth, you're probably part of the problem. Check the holdings of some wealthy people, they sometimes fund some very shady companies or governments which do some fairly nasty things. Real world problems are rarely fixed with just a punch in the face and a snazzy batmobile.
I'm sure the editors of Forbes magazine have no problem with the worldview that if we just beat up some low level street criminals then everything would be fine.
Is that for real? Was I the only one to rethink the whole line of work thing?
They're called the police. They patrol the steets at night looking for the bad guys. They are equipped with pistols, fast cars, body armor and even sometimes heavier weaponry and stun gas. Doesn't stop them from getting severely hurt and sometimes killed.
Well, you can't get that kind of stuff on ebay can you?
diegoT
Ira Glass is the man... NPR show on superheroes
-ubuntu others as you would have others ubuntu you.
You are not the car you drive. You are not how much money you have in the bank. You are not your fucking khakis.
Us old guys remember the old Doc Savage books (and The Avenger ones, too).
Did you miss the part about riches?
No longer necessary! Thanks in part to the hit new Reality TV Show, where Richard Branson looks for his new Virgin Mobile VP of Crimefighting in "Vigilante Millionare"!
This better not inspire some /. guy who RTFA to go out and buy a costume thinking he can beat up bad guys!
I loved batman for he is a real hero . The other superheroes,superman and others are really no match for batman for his wits and survival skills. Also another character who compares to batman in his abilities without many gadjets is Phantom who is also very cool.. The other superheroes should learn from batman and be "men" without powers.
I think the average geek would have a better chance of being Rorschach for the Watchmen. A black and white mask and a mind that divides everything into black and white.
... will get his fat arse thrown into jail if he tries to be a superhero.
Dictionary definition of Gotham.
Vast ignorance indeed.
If you want examples of normal people becoming superheroes, I wonder if the more "realistic" scenario is Alan Moore's "Watchmen".
With the exception of Dr. Manhattan, all of those characters were physically normal.
No you are not spinning... the room is...
Plainly you can see that this is an annoying use of javascript and I hope I don't see more of it on the internet.
Wrong, it's bullet resistent. They even say so in the movie, that it probably won't stop bullets head-on. So forget about taking on snipers with .50cal rifles with that suit.
George Lucas does all the same things with his Star Wars movies.....Could Lucas be a real life Batman? .
You are who you are, let no one tell you different. But, never close your mind to a new point of view.
2) visitors can suggest worthy targets, subject to "star-chamber" review.
3) Solicit bids from "contractors".
Of course, this would all have to be hosted some place that doesn't have laws against this sort of thing, etc.
Certainly a sucessful businessman like Bruce Wayne would appreciate the power of franchising!
This issue is a bit more complicated than you think.
Here is your remedial English lesson for the day:
1. your - possessive form of you. example: Your English sucks.
2. you're - contraction of the words you and are, or possibly you and were, etc... Example: You're retarded.
Real world snipers aim for the center of mass. Right in the middle of your chest.
Now, in a comic book world, where the sniper knows that the action hero is heavily armoured, the sniper COULD aim for the crotch area and hope to sever a main artery that supplies the leg.
Or said sniper could shoot for the buttocks and hope to hit the sciatic nerve and end said action hero's action days.
In fact, it's very difficult to armour the hips without limiting mobility.
But such stories wouldn't be as interesting as the ones where the bad guys never think or learn.
INSANE. It's cheaper to travel to NYC and learn it there. And there is no corrupt Abbot there.
"I loved Batman Begins, but I really think they missed the mark when it comes to Batman's CSI savvy.
My head was spinning when Bruce Wayne says "Am I supposed to know what that means?"
So if you want to be a real Batman, figure in another several hundred thousand dollars for advanced degrees in science and criminology."
Yeah, but advance degrees in science and criminology don't action figures.
"So why couldn't the average geek do the same?"
umm, because he's a FICTIONAL character in unlikely FICTIONAL situations?
(just being a realist.)
I think anyone can sleep standing up eyes open with enough practice. Just about everyone who goes through bootcamp gets busted for it at least once.
I want a new world. I think this one is broken.
Assuming 180000 subscribers thats (ripped from some random webpage) $2,691,000 a month.
Since this is comparable to the cost of an actual superhero a month why dont we all band together and buy slashdot an enforcer of justice or evil, whatever your personal preference. Hell, for just one more month you could have both. Combine that with the recent craze for reality tv and you have something a little more exciting...
-he uses his riches, raw determination and technological know-how to equip himself to fight evil. So why couldn't the average geek do the same?
Atomic wedgies..
Paired with an impact-resistant, graphite-composite cowl and spiked ninja-style gauntlets, it allows Batman to protect himself against everything from swords to machine guns.
Yeah right, just wait until batman takes his first 7.62x39mm round to his chest.
get real people. You have to wear very heavy vests for pistol protection. Call it III-A for safety in case you're fighting people that routinely carry magnum pistols.
Ok great, you can defeat most handguns. Now what about the AK clones that you can buy everywhere for $300 bucks.
Well if you want to go against that, better start buying rifle plates.
Level III or level IV if you're gonna be facing 30-06 deer rifles which hmm, are not that uncommon.
So there you go. 30 layers of kevlar and at least 2 plates for your back and your front.
And guess what. there is NO SUCH THING AS A 100% bulletproof vest. so everytime you go out and stalk around with all your gear you risk having your vest defeated at any time by the golden BB.
not including the fact that all that shit is heavy as hell and not very quiet, AND your mobility is limited.
TFA recommends the ProMax OTV which is III-A rated for most pistols. Of course you have to add the rifle plates which TFA didn't mention or include in the cost.
Call me when batman gets his first automatic burst in the chest from the thousands of NFA weapons ready to be stolen from private citizens or automatic weapons smuggled in from Mexico or overseas.
I know this article was written in jest but there are truly dumb people in America...
-- Believe your Justice!
masquerading as a story. Even 60 Minutes is doing it. Sad. Very sad.
Once you get past those obstacles -- someone to build it and someone to cover up the fact that you paid for it -- you're in business. Oh, and Alfred (in the comics) is trained in battlefield surgery. Most real butlers aren't, so you probably want a pretty good (and tight-lipped) doctor too.
stripShow - Where WordPress meets webcomics
If the sniper is just trying to slow down or impede that target, they might just shoot a leg. IE (in this context): Joker's up to no good... Batman's on his way... Joker's sniper shoots Batman in the leg... Batman has to go back to the batcave for medical attention, and Joker has time to finish his plan.
It is possible to find a monk in the temple to teach you if you have the money and are able to haggle in chinese since nobody speaks english.. but there's no guarantee you will find a monk that is any good or even if he is good, who will teach you 'the good shit'.
There are some good schools around though with top notch warrior monks and coaches and can be had for $500/month or less depending on how grim the conditions.
Unforutunately most westerners would probably die from dysentery long before becoming l33t shaolin masters or superheros..
When I looked at your subject I actually thought you were going to show us the connection. ;-)
Here's a better idea: just roll around in some toxic waste for a while. Surely, you'll get some kind of super power. Or maybe lymphoma, but let's not dwell on that.
some black leather: I dunno, $20?
some black thread: $1
Or if you can't sew, you can buy a costume online.
I thought that Chicago was the real world Gotham?...
...of the expensive attorney to get you out of jail and all of the infrastructure you've destroyed?
If you're talking about surviving falls, the good news is that an adult human being can survive a fall even at terminal velocity, as long as they land on something reasonably soft. There are documented cases of pilots bailing out of their planes during the Second World War without parachutes, and surviving with only relatively minor injuries after something like a tree broke their fall.
The bad news, of course, is that they were the lucky ones. If you've ever been parachuting, you'll know that even with all that drag to slow you down, you still hit the ground pretty hard. People do suffer injuries from not getting it right, even after training in how to land correctly.
If you land more-or-less on your feet, you have a much better chance, too. If you look at the training martial artists do in how to break a fall when thrown on their back/side/front, they can take a fair impact as well, but nowhere near as much as a parachutist's roll. As for coming straight down in just about any position when your feet are much above your head -- well, sorry, but you're pretty much toast if you've got any speed behind you. Trust me, best give that one a miss...
If you disagree, post your argument. (-1, Overrated) isn't your personal censorship tool for views you don't like.
This article begins:
"Dark clouds have gathered over Gotham."
I think they meant:
"Dark clouds permanently exist over Gotham."
$ make work
make: *** No rule to make target `work'. Stop.
Inexperienced butlers just out of school earn annual salaries of around $50,000 to $60,000, says McPherson. But experienced help can easily pull in $125,000 to $150,000 a year, and a gentleman's gentleman like Alfred might earn $200,000 or more.
50-60k out of school and 125k-150k as experienced help???
> Because in the real world rich people want to seriously risk their lives... why??
:-P
Yeah, I often wondered about that... Bruce Wayne is driven to fight criminals because of his childhood trauma. Most of us geeks didn't have that, the most we ever had to deal with was Dad taking away our Micronauts(TM) because we didn't mow the lawn.
And the motivation to save people from crime is what, again? That's assuming that most people are worth saving, which hasn't exactly been my experience. Most people are jerks, and they deserve all the karmic kicks in the nuts that they get!
Step 1: Suspend the laws of probability.
Seriously. How long can you expect to attack violent thugs before receiving a mortal wound?
Step 2: There is no step 2. You pretty much have it made once you get past step 1.
Anonymous Kev
Proudly posting as AC since 1997
(Finally got a dang account in 2004)
daniel
He freezes the workers in carbonite after they're done.
Oh wait, wrong movie...
because there is a bright yellow target on his chest to draw the aim of the evil doers...
dUH!!!!
Why can't they come up with something effective against IEDs?
In Soviet Washington the swamp drains you.
If you see an old lady being kicked on the ground by someone trying to rob her, that's everybodys business.
If you help that lady, you're a hero. You don't need a cape or a mask to do good in the world. You don't even need to be bulletproof, as long as you choose the right way to help ("Hey! I just called the police!") and don't run in swinging.
The cape and mask just make you look cooler while doing it.
Freedom: "I won't!"
Every superhero needs a catchy theme song.
Na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman!!
P.s. I may be wrong on the number of "na"s above.
- You don't need to be super-strong, just hire lackeys that don't mind getting bumped off
- You need lots of gadgets
- You need a lair packed with gadgets that nobody understands
- You need a mad plan to take over the world
Sounds like Bill Gates beat us to it.He saw his parents die apparently. Don't forget the psychologist/scientologist bill. Otherwise he might cease up everytime a crook enters the room.
lets suppose for a moment that superman decided to go evil. Is that bodyarmour going to protect you now? No.
Batman is only good at fighting intellectual criminals. Lets face it, X million dollars is a big expense for beating up nerds - any preschooler could do it.
Here is a cheaper option. Batman, go for a holiday at Chernobyl. I hear it on good authority that radiation will give you superpowers, a la The Hulk. At the moment you are blowing you money on crap that isn't going to help when they up the ante. Also, get a gun, like a sniper rifle. Think how much time you could save if you'd just picked off the Penguin from the top of a post office. Instead, you're into all this hand to hand kung-fu bullshit. Neo, you could get a gun to. Darth Vader, you do that chokey thing and can do it over visi-phone - you're cool.
...that's the true identity of Batman these days. The Ironman, complete with invulnerable eletronic super suit and lots of cash to toast in his obsessive crime prosecution...
I enjoyed Batman best when he was just a tormented man with some cash, cunning and a utility belt. Some rather good detective action rather than Superman-style action...
I don't feel like it...
Rather than a super-belt and super-fists, there is plenty of good deeds to do behind the keyboard, such as hunting down #@$! spammers and zombie hackers, looking for prior art on bad patents, etc.
Table-ized A.I.
Because Batman spends months in Tibet or China or something basically in ninja school. He wears the ninja mask and everything.
Honestly, I find this terrible. In my book, Batman is NOT a ninja. He learned to kick ass in the good ole U.S. of A.
I don't know why every hero has to be a martial artist now. Even the computer hackers.
I'm gonna go watch Fight Club.
http://lkml.org/lkml/2005/8/20/95
As i remember from the movie, his training didn't cost him $30,000....
It only cost a walk up a mountain, a spiny blue flower, and a serious ass whipping
ninjas!
No need, it follows us. I think the only channels that haven't covered the Tom Cruise saga are PBS and C-SPAN and I'm not sure how long they can hold out.
I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.
something being legal doesn't make it right, either...
Everything I need to know about copyrights I learned from Slashdot.
I thought the target on his chest was to distract criminals from noticing how fantasticly gay a grown man looks in a cape and latex face mask designed to look like a doberman and which brings emphasis to his lips.
Maybe deep in the heart of all comic book bad guys lurks a paralyzing case of Bat-gaynoia(TM).
"We're millions of miles from earth, inside a giant white face, what's impossible?"
$30,000 for Shaolin Temple martial arts training? Get serious.
There are plenty of legit Togakure-ryu ninjutsu teachers in the US and they don't charge you that kind of money. And it's legit ninjutsu, not Chinese martial arts (not to say anything against those forms, of course - but Chinese martial arts is not what Batman learned.)
Then he says get a kevlar jacket? Right, uh huh. You'd at LEAST need a full SWAT outfit and preferably something more extensive than that to match Batman's costume. $300,000 - that's a little pricey - you could probably do very well for a third or less than that. (Of course, if you'd rather be Iron Man than Batman, add on some more zeros.)
I stopped reading this crap after that page.
Richard Steven Hack - This sig is TOO GODDAMN SHORT TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL WITH! MORONS!
The problem is that Batman's motivation isn't feeling good about helping out everyone, it's revenge. He wants to punish those responsible for killing his parents.
Unfortunately, he has no idea who did it, and he could very well already be dead. So instead of a single person, he's generalized his parents' murderer into all criminals, everywhere.
And revenge just isn't as satisfying if you hire somebody to do it for you.
When will people realize that this is a cartoon and you can't compare it to reality. I don't care what kind of armor you have. You would have to have unhuman strength to take on lots of guys with guns.
If I was batman, I would have to ride one of these.
Ronald said nothing. He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse, and rode madly off in all directions.
"This quotation is one that comes to my mind a lot, too, and I think it strikes a chord with a lot of guys. I wonder if women ever think this way. Somehow, I doubt it."
I used to think that with sufficient effort, I could put myself into the position where I could go around busting heads, driving cool cars, and saving the world, but then I realized, I have no coordination and that's kind of an important thing for your average superhero. I inherited my dad's math skills, not his athletic ability, so there's no way I'm going to be able to go kung fu on anybody. And therein lies the problem--there's a reason that we're geeks and not jocks.
Plus, I figured out that if you really want the power to change the world, the job to try for isn't superhero, it's either Secretary of State or Chairman of the Federal Reserve. Which is why I want either Condi Rice or Alan Greenspan's job.
Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines...
Oliver North? Is that you?
The generally regarded LD50 (lethal dose where 50% of the involved die) for height is about 4-5 stories. I do a lot of trauma orthopaedic surgery, and I have to say that we don't get many people alive who've fallen more than 50 feet. We do get some exceptions, but just remember the good old E=1/2MV^2 rule - survivability falls off sharply at height greater than 50 ft (roughly 40 MPH).
..........FULL STOP.
no he did not ... i guess you missed the fact he was writing for FORBES! :)
"There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
You also need to eat properly, exercise and have an overdeveloped sense of vengeance.
Damn ! /.
No mod points when someone finally said something funny enough to make me laugh out loud on
-- You can't give it, you can't even buy it, and you just don't get it!
I had always gathered that it was artificial, either excavated out of the huge hill on which Wayne Manor is situated, or perhaps the cave was built first out of concrete, and then enough rock and soil was brought in to build a hill on top of it.
IIRC, Wayne manor was located approximately 14 miles outside the city limits, so it's not like he'd be having to try and keep it quiet in the middle of downtown Gotham while getting the batcave built.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
I don't know if anyone mentioned this, I didn't feel like reading every comment.
Batman's gadgets and money and cars and martial arts training all make him cool.
What makes Batman special, what makes him an absolute threat to crime is that he is one of the greatest detectives that exist. Batman is supposed to be a genius rivalling his enemies intelligence. He's also one step away from becoming that which he fights against: the insanely intelligent Joker or Riddler. I think it's the battle that rages inside that is the truly engaging part of Batman.
Dedicated, Check.
No Time for Movies, Check.
No Time for Books, Check.
No Time for Girls, DUH, uh, Check.
The Company is run by others, meaning Mom's house, Check.
* Winners compare their achievements to their goals, losers compare theirs to that of others.
the three most important factors are: location, location and location.
.45 appropriately nicknamed the "Peacemaker", because that's what Shane uses it for: he restores the balance (precarious though it may be) of society so decent folk can live out their humdrum lives in peace.
You can set heroes along a scale super-ness running from Shane (for you young 'uns, Shane was a mysterious wandererrwho turns out to be the fastest gunslinger around), James Bond, and Batman on left, and Superman on the right. Now, consider a second axis which represents the degree of order of the society that they operate in, with low being dystopic, criminal and anarchic and high being utopic, civil and orderly.
Notice anything interesting?
Shane operates in the Wild West, where decent folks are at the mercy of the ruthless and law comes out of the barrel of a revolver. Specirically Colt
James Bond operates in the shadowy world of spies and assassins, against a backdrop of an amoral global struggle between the stable, dull, bourgeois nations whose ideology boils down to "just get on with the business of creating wealth and don't think anything that upsets the status quo" and the nations driven by an ideology of change and who leave a trail of anarchy and disruption in their wake. Bond restores the balance (precarious though it may be) of society so decent folk can live out their humdrum lives in peace.
Batman -- well, it's obvious isn't it? He lives in a city whose very architecture is fiendishly designed to seep into an ordinary person's unconscious mind, grab his Superego and hold it down so his Id can kick the shit out of it. Batman restores the balance (precarious though it may be) of society so decent folk can live out their humdrum lives in peace.
Now, take the most super of the super: Superman. He lives in clean, well lighted, orderly Metropolis. The citizens of Metropolis are, compared to Gotham, shockingly competent. They don't need some jackass in tights running around to catch ordinary criminals, or even criminals in colorful make-up. They're shrewd enough to hire city planners and architects whose ideal urban landscape is not inspired H.P. Lovecraft's R'lyeh. A guy like Batman would be a public nuisance, tearing through red lights and causing traffic incidents and affecting insurance rates. No, they undoubtedly have a highly competent police force, conveniently deployed across the city and equipped with radios. The denizens of Gotham probably are murdered in droves as Batman rushes from emergency to emergency, but Metropolites can quickly summon a response team consisting of a police, fire and paramedics. The rare crime victim is quickly whisked to one of Metropolis' many fine teaching hospitals, where trauma teams await, fairly itching to put their world class surgical skills to the test. Metropolis is so orderly that they have surplus policemen; to give them something to do they're sent to elementary schools where they teach children how to avoid being victimized by crime. This of course is a tremendous waste of energy;what they really need is more school nurses to deal with a rampant epidemic of peanut allergies.
Granted, the tax rates in Metropolis are probably a form of murder.
They'd have it all under control, if it werent' for those pesky aliens/supenatural beings/radioactive nightmare monsters who are attracted to all that order like a small child is to a field of untrammeled snow. Unlike Gotham, where the potential force of entropy is continually dissipated through acts of personal crime and terror, entropic forces accumulate the wall of order the Metropolis has built, finding no outlet. Inevitably they overtop the dam and rush down on the city like a raging flood. When that happens, orderly and efficient public safety forces aren't enough. You need somebody who can change the alter of mighty rivers. Superman restores the balance (precarious though it may be) of society so decent folk can live ou
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
I used to complain about not being able to run fast - and it didn't matter how much I worked at it, I'd picked the wrong parents.
Not everyone has the brains to write computer programs - I'm continually surprised by people who just don't "get it" no matter how easy I try to make it for them.
Not everyone has the head for business - although I like to think this can be learned. For me it means fighting against countless impulses that make me want to avoid doing accounting sums and accurate data entry.
-- it must be true, it's on the internet.
If you read the article (did you?), he's right. Karate, Kung Fu, Jujitsu etc etc techniques don't just work like magic. The idea that you can go to any self defense classes, martial arts classes, "real" fighting classes for a few months or even a few years and learn to defend yourself or fight is a false idea and misses the point.
It's simply the application of force. Someone who knows "The real shit" is just a person who's practiced regularly for a long, long time to the point that the application of force is damned near automatic. It's like changing gear in a stick shift, you don't think, you don't look, you just do it. That can't be taught, it has to be practiced.
Excellent site BTW, bookmarked.
Deleted
It used to be that becoming a hero is just doing a heroic deed.
Since when do heroes need fancy schfancy stuff and megabucks?
Welley Corporation - SLM Scammers
Call me old fashioned, but...
Maybe you could stop sitting at your computer wondering about how much it would cost to be Batman and go actually do something worthwhile. Like volunteer to work with kids or the homeless.
Heck, you could even, I don't know. Go be a *cop* or a soldier if you want to fight crime and villiany. If for some reason you can't do that, you can always go down to the local VA Hospital (or suitable equivalent) and just talk to these guys who left the best years of their lives and maybe a few limbs in some hellhole protecting your life and freedom.
If you really want to wear a silly costume while doing it, I don't think anyone will mind.
You are attempting to read sigs. Cancel or Allow?
When I watched spiderman-2, I couldn't help but think that Doc-Occ could have been just as effecive if he just had an ordinary hand gun, instead of sci-fi mechanical arms.
Think about it, he could have used a hand gun to rob the bank, a hand gun could also kill spiderman. For that matter, a gun-shot to the head would kill doc occ, as well.
If somebody like bruce wayne existed, he could do 100X more good by donating to established law enforcement, or other charities.
Could batman have prevented 9/11? How about msft's patent abuse? What are the big problems today that could be fixed by an armored suit?
Commic book super-heros are only good for fighting comic book super-villians.
Amongst this set of humorous reparte can be found a set of messages from people who seem to really think that being a 'superhero' is a credible possibility.
I know of no other country where this amazing delusion would take hold. What nutters do in America is their own business - the trouble is that American foreign policy is based on a similar set of premises. A little while ago the US air force was bidding for money to develop a large ground-penetration bomb (though the technology had been completely worked out by the Brits in 1942), so they could attack the 'underground lair' of the head baddie, Bin Laden.
What is it with these people? Are they right off their heads?
A while back I had a journal entry (since deleted) called Crimefighting: SuperZOOX style
In it I describe how I fight crime (or injustice) on a regular basis.
There are a number of modern day super heros in my opinion and they all use Media as their weapon.
I started my website specifically to root out the evils in the Mac world.
I've been reasonably sucessful with the main target : Jack Campbell - he's the guy that tried to start a "write a virus contest" a few months back
Many BLOGS popped up during the election that from a perspective were crimefighting/justice seeking.
I think modern super heros are everywhere!
Yell & scream & rant & rave... it's no use... you need a shaaaave ~ Bugs Bunny
If somebody like bruce wayne existed, he could do 100X more good by donating to established law enforcement
WTFM. In the movie, Gotham was being ravaged in the grips of corruption. Everyone from the DA all the way up to the mayor (including the police) were being paid off by crime bosses. Wayne's money would have simply fed the very sharks he was trying to eliminate.
Like woodworking? Build your own picture frames.
Alternatively, a relationship based on money, which I think describes most marriages out there.
This sig has absolutely no significance and serves only to take up screen space and waste the time of the reader.
I forget exactly which set of books it was from -- it was the one where there was the sonic-based bad guy who turned out to be a mind-controlled soldier and Batman was using a blonde-haired guy who'd been involved in the mind control as a stand-in because Bruce was injured and Ducard was investigating him -- but there was a bit where Ducard was monologuing about Batman and essentially stated that Batman existed because the people who really committed crimes, big business and politicians, realized that Batman, by taking on small crime, distracted people from the true crimes.
Not to mention if you had insane wealth, you're probably part of the problem. Check the holdings of some wealthy people, they sometimes fund some very shady companies or governments which do some fairly nasty things. Real world problems are rarely fixed with just a punch in the face and a snazzy batmobile.
Again, it's been covered in the comics. There've been numerous issues where Bruce has had to face where his money's coming from or found that Wayne Industries has some unsavory ties, either in the present or in the past.
This sig has absolutely no significance and serves only to take up screen space and waste the time of the reader.
Come *on*, ->neoprene- under the Batsuit? He'd collapse from heat prostration in the first hour.
It would have helped if this turkey that wrote it hadn't learned his pseudo-science from bad comic books, and maybe "Science Made Stupid".
mark
It is amazing how the slashdot crowd has gotten spoiled. "We talked about this very topic 2 weeks ago, why are we talking about it again".. for fucks sake! Have you ever said "its a nice day" 2 times in one day? " That was a good shot" at a sporting event more than once? Those are nice boobies twice at the same nudie bar? (Or at the same website)
Those who talked about it before are aware it is a "DUPE!!", those who did not talk about it get a chance to. LET. IT. GO. Go make some other smarta$$ comment on another story and get your karma there.
Does the Batcomputer run Linux?
You're confusing Spiderman with Batman :-)
Just go ask Troy how much it's cost him so far...
I read a quote once (can't remember who by, unfortunately) where it was said that many people think they want to be writers, when they really want to be authors. They don't want to write a book, they want to have written a book.
:-)
Same thing with superheros -- a lot of people think it would be _really_cool_ to be a superhero, but they don't want to actually live the day-to-day.
And what's worse, you'd have to be fictional.
(Score:-1, Whiny-ass Bitch)
Basically a superhero would have three options
Of course, number 1 is fantasy, number 2 would get you killed very quickly, and number 3 would make you less effective than even the lowliest police detective.
-Eric
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Maybe it is the 'riches' that we lack.
>> No, Batman's (or just about any other superhero's) main problem would be finding the crime in the first place.
>> Most of the crime that superheroes end up fighting in comic books is the kind of random crime that you don't
>> just STUMBLE onto (and which happens so fast that it would be over by the time you heard about it).
I always assumed that Batman went out of his way to keep tabs on previous offenders and suspicious types. They don't really explain it in the comics or movies, but he must have surveillance devices all over the city. He does, after all, have the Bat-Computer and the Giant Lighted Lucite Map of Gotham City!
Since he's already operating outside the law, he probably has no compunction placing bugs in homes and businesses that would be tough for the police to justify to a judge. Commissioner Gordon, of course, just looks the other way as long as Batman keeps catching bad guys.
You only need them if the other guy has them. Outfitting a single individual with $200M worth of equipment is simply not cost effective unless there's another individual out there [s]he can personally face who poses a $200M threat all by h(im|er)self. Then there's always the reality factor. You can trust Batman because he's a comic book character. Trustworthiness is part of the definition of the character. You outfit a single individual with more and better hardware than not only the local police but the National Guard... that's going to turn a guy's head. He's going to start thinking about what he could get away with.
You settle for moist when good 'ol Mr Wayne get them dripping wet.
There: Something at a specific location.
Their: Owned by someone.
Please make sure your english compiles.
You settle for moist when good 'ol Mr Wayne gets them dripping wet.
There: Something at a specific location.
Their: Owned by someone.
Please make sure your english compiles.
Holy shit! I sound like a treki. I don't even like Batman. I just went to the movies cause I was bored. Then I ate some pop-corn that gave me the shits for 2 days!
Fuck Batman and his wanna-be suit of armor.... I have to go shit again
That was almost direct quote form "the dark knight returns". Jackass.