Slashdot Mirror
Dvorak on Microsoft Confusing the Market
DigitalDame2 writes "With news of there being 7 Vista editions, PC Magazine Columnist John C. Dvorak takes a hilarious spin on the different Vistas with some recommendations of his own. How about the Vista Porn Edition? All the great porn sites would be pre-bookmarked. Gamer Case-Mod Edition? It can be ultraoptimized for games with a blinking hard-drive light. You can even go as far as the Microsoft Vista for Costco Customers: the Cheaper Edition."
An excellent description of all the various flavors of Vista and their respective features and intended niches can be found here.
I'm bookmarking this page...it's only a matter of time before I'll be required to know this information.
____
~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey
"How about the Vista Porn Edition?"
Go on....
"Derp de derp."
Then there would be the Microsoft Vista "Infect Me" edition with a special version of Outlook that automatically opens all attachments.
Add to that the "Miriam Abacha" edition which sends all your banking info to Nigeria.
My favorite would be the Vista "Office Gamer" edition which includes 25 variations on Solitaire.
- Greg
Start a happiness pandemic
According to who's sense of humour?
After years of fragmented Windows versions they finally made the one true merged OS that they had been praising for so long. Windows 2000 was really one OS to rule them all.
:)
But as soon as XP came out they invented a home edition, a professional edition, delayed the server and splitted up again. Why? And now this.
It seems it's really all about the money. Sad, in a way. Since, other than with Unix, the most exploits still work cross Windows platform.
It doesnt seam to me that all these different versions are much different than what has been done in the past. I just helped my girlfriend buy a laptop online, and she had the choice between XP Home, Media, and Professional. And that doesnt start to cover any of the current server operating systems.
If Microsoft is doing anything confusing with Vista, they have been doing the same thing with XP and Windows Server for years.
-- All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. -- Edmund Burke
Whenever I see "Dvorak", I can't help but think of the Dvorak Keyboard. I don't know what's gotten into me...
Just install XP w/o service packs or a firewall.
You'll have a computer loaded with porn (pop-ups) in no time.
The preceding message was based on actual events. Only the names, locations and events have been changed.
How about a Vaporware Edition?!
- Your stupidity got you into this mess, why can't it get you out? -Will Rogers
How about Vista Dual Boot Edition?
From the article, "If they want to sell different kinds of tweaks, this can be better done as one grand distribution, with tweaks within the code that can be turned on and off during installation (or whenever)."
Just imagine how fast that would be hacked. Lots of the most inexpensive version would be sold and a crack would unlock everything (assuming they don't just get a pirated version anyway).
Finance tutorials and more! Understandfinance
How many versions of XP are there? Aren't there already like 7 versions?
Why does it matter how many versions there are?
I thought having more choice was good rather than having some sort of be all end all version that takes extra time/space to install for features that most will never use.
When people step into a ford dealership to buy a car - I suppose they get all confused on what all the models are.
"So why is the f-150 bigger than that escort? Aren't they both Fords?"
"Do they all have 4 wheels or more?"
"Whaddya mean I get get it in diesal or Gas or Hybrid"?
_ _ _ Go for the eyes Boo! GO FOR THE EYES!
and not even funny
Microsoft should just release one edition Microsoft Vista Secure and Reliable Edition. Id be happy with that!
GL HF!
The submitter is right. Hilarious!!!
I'd almost be willing to pay for that.
For people without a valid activation key. It would come preloaded with everything posted to alt.binaries.pc.warez from the 6 months before the media went gold.
plain, salt and vinegar, barbaque etc.
or windows enlightenment? It's just another way of selling software to the public. Using year digits doen't work anymore so they use confusing non-descriptive versions now, nothing much has changed.
TFA isn't really adding anything to technology news, it's little short of being troll itself.
Why UNIX?
John C. "I Get No Spam" Dvorak.
Looking at the screenshots for Office 12, perhaps they could make Vista Uniform Edition, where all the programs look the same! :O
Too much to ask? :(
Windows Vista: Virus Free edition!
Oh wait, that's not possible, is it.
What am I not getting here?
* How about Vista Dvorak edition, automatically spouting bullshit every few days?
Man is a slave because freedom is difficult, whereas slavery is easy.
Actually there is fully featured eight version and it's codename is Tiger.
Does anyone actually know if there are going to be seven editions or is it just hear-say ?
I mean -- seven versions means seven different designs for box packaging, seven different manuals (although they aren't too big anymore)...
So far Vista (Beta) has been nothing but disappointing from speed to memory consumption to the rather awkward UI. Before I see any real improvements I don't want to hear or read anything further about Vista. In fact, I'll probably switch to Linux like so many others who also have enough already of that Vista hype.
Has there actually been any confirmation from Microsoft about these various editions of Windows Vista? Whoever made the list seems to be including server versions, and there are several current server versions of Windows not on the list. Also, there is no Tablet or Media Center edition, and last I heard, Microsoft hadn't decided if these should be separate SKUs or rolled into the mainstream version(s) of Windows.
My best guess is that this whole story is a hoax. Which would totally explain why Dvorak picked up on it.
Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult;
whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.
--Proverbs 9:7
Its not funny.
I know funny. Its not funny.
Its funny I guess in the way that "Prarie Home Companion" is funny; that is to say, its not funny and you aren't sophisticated because you listen to it.
An excellent description of all the various flavors of Vista and their respective features and intended niches can be found here.
Do you mean all of the beta versions that 3rd parties are guessing will exist, or did they actually go into the future to get this information?
As of this point, "Vista" is still very much in early Beta. It hasn't been released to the public as a finished product, and hasn't come anywhere near being finalized, I'm sure. What's the point of punditizing something that doesn't even exist, and will probably still change substantially between it's current beta and final release? That's like critiquing next year's pop bands today.
I don't respond to AC's.
7 doesn't seem so high when you think of all the XP versions. Professional Home Media Centre Starter (something like that, the one for developing countries) Server (or rather 2003)
not that funny
I'd like to see versions of Windows that target specific religions. A Windows Vista Christian Edition which includes a file of the Biblican texts, and tools to help one analyze such writings. Perhaps even Christian-themed backgrounds and screensavers and such. There could also be versions for Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Wiccans, you name it.
Cyric Zndovzny at your service.
You know, the OS that will DEACTIVATE everytime I open the case? After all, aren't us homebuilders supposed to be all pirates?
..., if you are Microsoft. The world is screaming out for choice when it comes to operating systems, this is Microsoft's way of giving it to them.
Thanks, DigitalDame2 (www.pcmag.com) for purchasing a "story" to herd readers to such an informative site (www.pcmag.com)!
Besides, haven't we had enough Dvor-crack stories posted here already?
...than the multiples of Linux distros out there?
People get lost sifting through the distributions trying to figure out what is right for them, and yet the Linux people are now bashing Microsoft's Vista? I don't get it.
...How about slashdot, ridiculously disinteresting story edition. Oh wait, that's the one we have now!
BeauHD. Worst editor since kdawson.
He for got the cheezy porn music as the startup sound. Oh yeah! Random moans, grunts, and screams of exstacy are the sound events. Clicking the "M Spot" butt would make the start menu shot 2 legs straight up and have them part for the menu display.... (the logout button would be that place women always say "oops??!?!? YEAH RIGHT!" when you "accidentally" slip). Just some thoughts.
Cliff Claven
K.E.G. Party Chairman
Founding Leader of: Koncerned for Egalitarin Governance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dvorak_Simplified_Key board
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_C._Dvorak
not only it confuses the consumer, so is the anti trust law. I bet the server edition doesn't come bundle with media player or anything that MS want the consumers has by default.
MS can always say, 'look, they do have a choice. server edition is not for server only, it just more expensive with less features the consumer want. But we are giving the consumers choice.'
And each new release will have minor 'tweaks' to add new features, and as an added bonus, it will encourage you to upgrade because it will be slightly incompatable with all the earlier versions.
Oh wait, doesn't MS do that anyway ??
Art Makers Just an excuse to show photos of naked women !!
Are we supposed to like Dvorak now that he is making fun of microsoft?
Please sign petition to restore sanity to our banking system!!!
http://financialpetition.org/
Is a boob. That is all.
It looks and works EXACTLY like Mac OS X Tiger. Breakthrough search technology, stunning graphics and media, unparalleled connectivity, an intuitive user interface and a virtual toolbox chock full of cleverly integrated features -- all atop a rock-solid UNIX foundation -- give you the most innovative, stable and compatible desktop operating system on the planet. Period.
You can get it at 1-800-MY-APPLE, hurry while supplies last!
He who knows best knows how little he knows. - Thomas Jefferson
Surely people aren't so stupid as to be confused by 7 different types of Windows Vista. If someone had done a similar article about the number of Linux distros out there, would it have been posted on the front page of slashdot? Sure, Microsoft is a power-hungry greedy company convicted of monopolistic activities, but this is going a bit far.
I hereby propose some legitimate reasons to bash Microsoft:
1) They refuse to play nice with Open Source developers.
2) They actively seek to destroy any competition, regardless of whether the competition is actually helping the computer community or not.
3) They are promoting legislation that will change patent law from "first to invent" to "first to file."
Those are all (I think) legitimate complaints against Microsoft. Calling Microsoft "nutty" for releasing 7 versions of an OS is rather stupid and petty. I have no doubt that the average person can simply read a chart that has little checks next to "features" and decide which of the 7 they want. This will actually help people, I think, because it will prevent people from getting extraneous software that might increase their risk of attack.
People often complain about Microsoft bundling too many things in their OS and how there's a lack of flexibility, and now they complain because Microsoft is "too" flexible and might "confuse" the poor ignorant user who is incapable of choosing between 7 different forms of Vista.
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
Hi, I'm Clippy. I see that you are trying to write a column. Would you like to troll the Linux fans?
FreeSpeech.org
Be ashamed editors you shills. That was the worst article I've ever read. The guy could have trawled slashdot's comments when the 7 editions story was first posted and he would have come up with a much funnier story.
In an age of freely available OS, and the threat that Google will pose with their eventual OS, I want the Windows 10% version - which is guaranteed to cost only 10% of the cost of the system hardware (one off fee). You get, and can use, whatever functionality you want.
That would ensure that the Windows tax was affordable, and its simple to implement as well.
The people I REALLY feel sorry for are the poor fucktards supporting applications on Windows. As it is, you already have to ask through multiple generations of Windows OSes. Plus you have to differentiate between two forms of Windows XP. Now imagine chucking SEVEN VERSIONS of Vista into this as well!
God! It's going to be fucking carnage!
Chas - The one, the only.
THANK GOD!!!
Gosh! You sure do think different!
Is it just me, or is Dvorak sub-par when compared to most of the other bloggers out there cracking wise about tech issues?
He was so much more interesting before there was Livejournal.
Even Jesus hates listening to Creed.
ZONK: They see through your market segmentation strategy. I'm quitting.
Ballmer: Anybody but Dvorak. Just tell me it isn't fucking Dvorak who sees through my segmentation strategy.
ZONK: Yes, it's Dvorak. He sees right through it. And he says your Kung Fu is shit.
(chair flies through air) CRASH!
Ballmer: Dvorak is a fucking PUSSY! I will kill Dvorak. I've killed all the other media bitches and will so fucking kill Dvorak!
http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_law/when_to_
How was that even remotely hilarious? Sarcastic for sure, but I guess I have higher standards for "hilarity" than this.
It's funny in the way British humor is funny. That is to say, it's not.
If you take Dvorak's Kiddie Edition, and bundle it with the Porn Edition, do you call it the... no... wait... I just can't go through with it.
"Let's not overlook Microsoft Vista--Kitchen Edition. People are putting computers in the kitchen, aren't they? Well then there should be a rugged kitchen edition with a file system specifically suited to storing recipes and videos of Jacques Pepin cooking his way."
They are? Hmm. You mean like this?
Meh. Nothing to see here. Just Dvorak being useless and snarky... again...
110100 1101000 1101000 1100110 0 1101111 1101000 1100011 1
Why don't you fuck off with your bogus spam links, pal?
Mcirosoft Windows Vista - Pirate Edition
Available from www.packetnews.com or your favorite warez net soon.
Sauer
Ignorance is never a benefit. That is kind of like a Windows user that says then don't need to know anything about Linux or OS/X.
How do you know that you are using the best tool if you do not know a bit about them all.
I we are talking about a tool not a religion. Knowledge is better than blind faith, even when we are talking about religion.
See my blog http://ilovecookes.blogspot.com/ for light hearted technical information.
Okay, from there we go to Microsoft Vista for Desperate Housewives.
/. profile of the week.
Where everyone's homepage is linked to a different
"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door." - Paul Beatty
I've always dreamed about installing windows which will work the way most computer literate people set it:
auto-hiding toolbar
no animated menus/windows
no creepy begginners popups or wizards
PDF reader
notepad in 'send to' submenu
plus obvious things like button in file manager to start command line in that dir
etc etc
Just because it is anti-Microsoft doesn't make it funny. I mean... that article just isn't funny. At all. Seriously.
This version moderates your documents and has a Zonk process that dupes your files needlessly.
This is my opinion. To make sure you don't steal it, it's covered by the DMCA.
Can I get one customized for my wife... pre-bookmarked with links designed to spend my money
Or maybe one pre-bookmarked with sites I wished she would visit more often.
Victoria's Secret... I approve
Flora Lee... Get smelling good and soft.
Think Geek... Gift ideas for me...
Meesa thinks the Republic needs DRM and the 101st Airborne DRM-cloned-lawyers Division!!
And the DoD could order Vista Death Star Edition, with a screen-saver that updates the costs of current war operations.
Disclosure: I'm stupid
To combat Linux Microsoft wants to offer task oriented solutions to its user base. Why? Simply because Microsoft doesn't trust the end-user to form a useful variant on their own. It also has to do with marketing and the english language. When people have a problem getting something to work on Windows they say, "Windows can't do X". Instead of taking responsibility with, "I can't figure out how to make Windows do X". The same thing happens with Linux, "Linux crashed. Linux didn't recognize my joystick. Linux doesn't have good support for my video card." Microsoft wants to offer more finely grained solutions without allowing the end-user to configure the software in such a way that it reflects poorly on their brand image. Is this a good solution to the problem? No. Is it what the user expects or wants? No. It is, however, what is happening.
What if it changed versions based on your usage!
Imagine: You order Vista Premium Home Edition. You're excited to have the newest version so your young high school lad can do essay research, send email, and do homework. However, inexplicably it morphs into Vista Premium Porn Edition within just a few months! Young Timmy is grounded and his Internet cable removed. You know he still needs the computer for typing up Word documents so you leave it on. Only to have it morph again into Vista Premium Gamer Edition!
Comes with a free copy of Duke Nukem Forever, cept M$ won't tell us when its coming out.
"Some fight for law. Some fight for justice. What will you fight for? One day, you will see."
Vista Pimp - Looks fabulous, does absolutely nothing but threatens to beat the crap out of you if you don't get off your ass and go make bank.
Vista Trump - Has serious performance problems, files bankruptcy then fires you.
That's our life, the big wheel of shit. - The Fat Man, Blue Tango Salvage
For those that want to have a mental breakdown.
Disclosure: I'm stupid
With news of there being 7 Vista editions...
There will be more than 7. This doesn't factor in the versions tailored to other nations. Microsoft is just working out the details of an effective price discrimination scheme.
Why make people wait to have their PCs turned into spam-zombies when MS can load up the spyware to create the perfect Windows Vista ZombiePC Edition?
eg... Thats funny, this article wasn't even mildy amusing.
On a side note, Now I have 9 different Windows OS, 10 Office Suites, not to buy.
Many Linux Distros = Good
You miss the point entirely.
Choice is a good thing, unless the choices are Evil, Hobbled Evil, Crippled Evil, Evil for Tykes. Corporate Evil, or Mom & Pop Evil.
OSGGFG - Open Source Gamers Guide to Free Games
Isn't Windows confusing as is in Windows of Deception. Instead of a solid well-designed system, they market crippleware in candy flavours. Criminal... I feel for all windows developers out there. Some suggestions for alternate packs Windows Vista Totally Insecure But *Free* Edition Windows Vista Utterly Useless Edition with *NEW* Instant Failure Windows Vespa Version for Italian Fans Windows Ueber Version for people thinking they just bought access to heaven
Nobody I am currently working with has any plans whatsoever to migrate to Vista; most are still in the motions of moving to XP, if they even went that far. I'm not sure what huge features Vista is supposed to offer people, but I believe Microsoft may have themselves a real problem there.
Fragmenting it doesn't seem like a great strategy.
..don't panic
The 8th and final version of Vista will be Windows Vista EXTREME, and for the next 10 years people will argue over whether it's EXTREME or 8th. If you don't get it, you probably shouldn't mod it.
TLoM: Nerds + DDR + Rednecks for the win!
I've read somewhere that MS are making just one version of Windows because people thought Home and Starter were crap and that Media Center and Tablet Edition aren't for desktops and simply bought Pro.
Now, with seven versions of Windows they will be experiencing what most people bash about Linux: distro forking. Most users are too confused to make the right choice.
So now we have 5 versions of Win95 (classic win95,OSR2, 98,98SE, Me), four versions of Windows 2000 (Pro, Server, Advanced Server and Datacenter Server), about 5 versions of Winxp and SEVEN versions of Vista. Pre-Vista versions won't be for sale, but still I think that 7 are a bit much. That's about the number of BSD distros avaliable!
I'm wondering if this is a (dubious) way of avoiding anti-trust issues. Each version will have its own product number, UPC code, etc. It won't be Windows Vista having 94% of the OS market; the percentages will be split between the variations.
Another idea: MS could be trying to make more money from developer tools. Will the executables for Home Premium run on the "El Cheapo" versions? Keep in mind that all games for the XBox are licensed, and MS gets a cut right off the top.
(I know, there's no mod for -1 Conspiracy Theory)
something stripped down, zero flash and optimized for games, it could even be CLI to actually launch the games. It's all I use XP for anyway...
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle...
Yet, there are 2 worse evils: Google and Yahoo!. Google has assisted the Chinese government in banning certain phrases from its search engine. Yahoo!, lead by the pro-Beijing Jerry Yang (founder of the company), has even assisted the Chinese "police" in finding a reporter and imprisoning him for 10 years for the crime of revealing "state secrets".
I now set Microsoft search as the default search engine on my FireFox browser.
Hmmm... Seven versions. I think it was done purposefully to harmonize their marketing with the product. See, that way their product marketing could be as confusing as the Windows user interface, which means both would send a unified message of ineptness to the consumer.
Gotta hate these brilliant minds over there !
It appears that Dvorak is already working with Windows Vista : Desperate Journalist Edition.
One that doesn't crash.
Can anyone tell me how to set my sig on Slashdot?
No matter how many versions there are, M$ should make it easier (possible) to upgrade to a different version at a fair price. I know, this is asking *a lot*.
When I bought the upgrade to XP I purchased the $99 upgrade to Windows XP Home Edition because I really didn't need remote desktop abilities, etc. Later I decided I wanted XP Professional. I called M$ and wanted to pay the $100 difference (XP Pro was $199 at the time I originally bought XP Home). I was told that was not an option and that if I wanted to upgrade to XP Pro I would have to pay the $199.
Just something that Microsoft should consider - fair upgrade paths if they really do not want pirates on their hands.
"A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned." - Shepard Book Quoting Malcolm Reynolds
The gaming version of Vista will supposedly have "gaming optimizations." I can't think of a reason I should have to buy a more expensive version of the same operating system to get these supposed optimizations. It sounds to me like the other versions are deoptimized intentionally to get people to pay extra if they want to play games.
These different versions are going to be, IMHO, largely a farce.
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken - Tyler Durden
Can't we finally have a /. standard of NOT listing articles by Dvorak on the front page (no I didn't RTFA, not do I care to).
DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS!
Buy Text Processing in Python
Same price, but comes in a much bigger box.
Linux already has this kind of variety. It's called distributions.
I guess now Windows is going to be confusing in the same way - except without the variety. Sounds like a losing situation to me.
You'd have a few sub editions:
Vista Reformed Edition: once saved, always saved.
Vista Millenial Edition: never saves in preperation for the end times.
Vista Catholic Edition: you need to perform your penance before you can save.
Vista Jabez Edition: once you save, you get rich.
Vista Eastern Orthodox Edition: you never know whether you've saved.
Vista Watchtower Edition: you have to save all your neighbors' files before your files are saved.
That's like critiquing next year's pop bands today.
Yeah, and just like the new software, we know they'll suck.
-Valiss
Possible themes: Dyslexia - word processors jumble words instead of correcting them Tourrets - random errors and popups containing obscenities ADD - programs constantly lose/change focus
...Windows Vista Ultimate Security Edition. This Windows release will be very compact (easily fitting in 512 bytes of storage). It will issue a STOP command to the system CPU resulting in a halted machine that is more secure than any pervious OS on the planet. Uncrackable.
-"...bad old ideas look confusingly fresh when they are packaged as technology" - Jaron Lanier (Digital Maoism on Edge.o
Will the bias and double standards against Microsoft ever stop?
While I am no fan of MS, I get tired of the constant default criticisms aimed at MS everytime they do something.
First, look at how many versions of XP MS was forced to implement.
While MS started off with an ideal Home and Pro versions, then the OEM Media Center and Tablet Edition, they were forced by governments and the European Union to implement a stripped down version (N) version for both Home and Pro, as well as pretty much been forced to implement a stripped down version of XP for developing countries. This means there are 8 versions of XP around.
Mostly this was FORCED on MS by governments and consumer backlash.
So, MS takes the initiative to try and please ALL the special interest groups and take a pre-emptive stike against future government hassles by offering a range of products that MS are ALREADY FORCED to impelement in XP. The difference is the MS is doing this WILLINGLY!
Also, confusing the market? Every try and pick out a Linux distro? 30+ versions, multiple GUI interfaces, which Kernel to run, 2.4 or 2.6 and which subversion is stable or powerful. Countless number of GNU shareware plauging Linux with cryptic names starting with G? If MS is confusing end users, then what hope does Linux ever have of becoming a mainstream OS.
If anyone will shine above all this will be Apple. With there limited choice in hardware and 2 flavours of OSX (Server and Not Server), if anyone is confused by MS and Linux, then they will flock to the Apple platform.
Hey, I think it is dumb that there needs to be 7 versions of an OS, but the EU and consumers pretty much brought this on themselves with all the countless numbers of lawsuits and government pressure. Microsoft is just giving you what you want!
I haven't thought of anything clever to put here, but then again most of you haven't either.
We already have five editions of Windows XP. I don't think adding two more to this already large number will matter anymore.
Windows XP Home Edition
Windows XP Professional Edition
Windows XP Media Center Edition
Windows XP Tablet PC Edition
Windows XP Starter Edition
"Microsoft Vista for Costco Customers: the Cheaper Edition."
Sure it's cheap but you can only buy it as a beowulf cluster.
-----
Pretty Bad Privacy (PBP) Public Key
6
A Berman and Braga edition? Uggh.
Look, I hate microsoft as much as the next slashdotter, but nobody deserves that. I work in a mixed env, that means at some point I will have to use it. This is just what I don't want. A Data (the Android) version of Clippy? XP is already bloated and nearly useless, can you imagine what Rick Berman will do to it?
I feel a post-work alcohol-induced coma coming on.
Sorry about the writing. Robot fingers, you know? Cliff Steele in DOOM PATROL #23
...is the one that simply installs, behaves, doesn't need patches, and does its job well for over ten years... like MS-DOS 6.22.
About the word "if": If bullfrogs had wings, they wouldn't bounce around on their little green butts.
The fact that Vista Home/Premium and Vista Home/Basic will have different UI's (one with Aero, one without) is an incredibly shortsighted decision.
What happens when grandma learns how to use Vista Home/Premium at the local community college, but ends up confused when the shiny new Dell that she just bought (with Home/Basic) has a different-looking UI?
Why cant MS *add REAL value* to each version of Vista instead of arbitrarily crippling various chunks of the OS?
Slashdot: come for the pedantry, stay for the condescension.
Although, I guess people aren't tooooo confused by the 2 (3) versions of XP, right? They are just oblivious to the fact that there are different versions.
"You are required to have XP Pro"
"Okay. I have XP Pro."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes - it says right here, 'Office XP Professional'"
"No, no, I mean your operating system. Is it Professional or Home edition?"
"I don't know...is there a difference...?"
Most people just go with whatever comes with their computer and don't really care/pay attention until something doesn't work because it's the wrong edition.
Everything I need to know about copyrights I learned from Slashdot.
Of course you neglected to tell us this is your site, and you post this link for EVERY windows story.
Such is the life of a Karma Whore
Apparently Mr. Dvorak has never heard the saying "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit".
... and ask him or her to start (1) a car with an automatic transmission, (2) a car with a manual transmission, and (3) a car with a manual choke. And then ask that average driver to explain what the differences between them are. Quite a few people wouldn't get very far past saying, `well, this one has a strange little doohickey, but I'm not real sure what it does...'
The 7 flavours of Microsoft(arrgh!) Windows(arrgh!) Vista(arrgh!) will be as follows: 1) Windows Vista (codenamed "Beta") 2) SP1 3) SP2 4) SP3 5) SP4 6) SP5 and finally 7) Malicious Windows Removal Tool
vista blue screen..... "blue screen of death all the time"
Microsoft has right now:
-Windows XP Home Edition
-Windows XP Professional
-Windows XP Media Center Edition,
not counting the Tablet PC Edition and the AMD64 Edition, because of the different hardware platform. On the server side, there is
-Windows Server 2003, Standard Edition
-Windows Server 2003, Enterprise Edition
-Windows Server 2003, Datacenter Edition
to list only the obvious ones. I'm leaving out the Web Edition and the Small Business Server, because I'm not sure if the OS is actually different.
That makes six versions of Windows right now. Going to seven versions is only a moderate increase in flavoritis.
C - the footgun of programming languages
All your files always get saved whether you click on save or not.
Hilarious? What, precisely, was hilarious in that article?
Well, duh, all you have to do is read the marketing sheet...
Stop the Slashdot effect! Don't read the articles!
What MS is doing is sealing their coffin. For so many years they have used FUD to blur the lines between them and their competitors now they are actually providing a metric their OS can be compared upon. Now the starter edition can be blown away with a distro that allows "Unlimited Resolution". Or builtin CD-Player.
The it is not the features any longer, one software can say in the same lingo as MS's marketing dept we will give you the (equivalent of) starer edition + home ed. for 1/2 the price. The person buying it will look at it like 2 DVD players they can buy $100 SONY but they WANT the $500 SONY. Now with MS marketing showing us in black and white (and warm earth tones of course) just let them convince the customer what the customer needs and then steal them before they buy.
A loop, by its nature, continues. If that didn't make sense, start reading this sentence again.
XP Embedded
XP 64
And that's not counting various OEM versions. I suspect that the OEM version of XP is quite different than the retail version of the `same' edition of XP.
Why does a keyboard layout have a full name and the capability to think?...
I'm still waiting for Microsoft Windows Working Edition. Hopefully it would come bundled with Microsoft Windows Virus-Free edition, and maybe even Microsoft Windows with Applications edition.
"I know the competition can do this, this and this NOW, but just wait another year for Windows Q35 where it will do this, this, this and THIS as well"
I'm not sure what huge features Vista is supposed to offer people,
What, draining your system resources isn't a feature anymore? After all, XP is too kind to my RAM.
-Valiss
In this edition Windows Vista would have a relatively small impact on the system's resources. The GPU usage would be dominated by games and media processing. 1GB of RAM would push more than the latest edition of spider solitaire. To top it all off, you wouldn't need 256mb+ of VRAM to alt-tab.
Of course, I jest, but is the KISS rule beyond big brother bill?
I'm just looking out for all you lusers who are stuck in the microsoft mindset. If you're getting a hardon over how visually appealing or "innovative" vista is (or will be), you need to open your eyes and re-evaluate your views. Microsoft's new window graphics toolkit shouldn't be called Glass... it should be called SMOKE and MIRRORS.
You program using Visual Basic on a PIV running Windows XP don't you?
See my blog http://ilovecookes.blogspot.com/ for light hearted technical information.
everytime we slashdot him, his salary goes up and he can then pronounce that Linux is dead in his next article.
sigh.
even if he is right about the silly multi-version Vista variants from Microsoft.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
Windows XP also comes in Starter (mandated by the EU anti-trust suit) and Embedded editions.
But to be fair, most retail consumers won't be seeing the Starter, Embedded, Media Center, Tablet PC, or Professional x64 editions on the retail shelves or even as pre-load options for most consumer PCs. That's what makes this amusing is that Best Buy is likely going to carry 2 editions (both upgrade and full pack) of each of Vista Home Basic, Home Premium, Professional, and Small Business. In addition, MS might sell upgrades from one to the other.
At the Vista release, Parker Brothers should release a Monopoly Vista Edition board game, and Microsoft a Vista Monopoly Edition OS. It'd be so fitting.
People get paid to write this crap?
something stripped down, zero flash and optimized for games, it could even be CLI to actually launch the games. It's all I use XP for anyway...
... SO I COULD PLAY MY FRICKEN GAME!
Me too. In fact, it's a royal pain trying to set up XP so it will boot differently if you have a laptop and set up two admin accounts.
The problem is that it "discovers" all the hardware you try to tell it to ignore, loads the drivers, and then won't play Sims 2 as well as before.
I mean, I wanted it to NOT:
a. turn on the wireless;
b. turn on virus protection (see a);
c. turn on antispyware;
d. turn on the printer;
e. turn on the my yahoo radio and sign me in;
f. and change my resolution from the 800x600 to the full 1024x768 or whatever.
That's why I made a different account and tried to make a different profile
So, a stripped down gamer's edition would be really useful, IMHO.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
MS should publish a story about how Dvorak confuses the computing public with his bouncing back between Ms shill and MS watchdog.
Tell me BHB will take anything less then the full blown version at inflated prices.
Microsoft is playing the Boss's ego. Telling them you could have the small limited version but for just $100 more you get the full super deluxe version and the envy of the geeks. (IE you can buy the small dick or the large one)
My Sig indicates the end of the comment I posted.
Remember, kids, the man gets no SPAM!
Not a Twitter sockpuppet... but I wish I was.
They could release a version of VISTA that is susceptible to all kinds of viruses, worms, and other security exploits--VISTA Honeypot Edition...
...oh, wait...they already have that...
...It's called Windows XP!
I use irony whenever I can, but my shirts are still wrinkled...
The 7 flavours of Microsoft(arrgh!) Windows(arrgh!) Vista(arrgh!) will be as follows: 1) Windows Vista (codenamed "BS-OS" which stands for "beta-stage operating system") 2) SP1 3) SP2 4) SP3 5) SP4 6) SP5 and finally 7) Malicious Windows Removal Tool
I have no doubt that the average person can simply read a chart that has little checks next to "features" and decide which of the 7 they want.
Well, they can... but they won't. Buying something as basic as the OS for your computer shouldn't involve anything more than ensuring your system meets the requirements on the box. (Something many average buyers still don't do.)
While those of us with some level of intelligent computer use probably won't have any issues, aside from the gouging we'll take for a good (uncrippled) version of Vista, the average user isn't going to have the experience or the insight to know what features they'll need in advance of their purchase... assuming they even understand why there are seven different boxes on the shelf.
You'll likely get two classes of buyers in a setup like this. People who buy the cheap copy, only to get pissed they can't play the great new game that just came out, because their OS can't support it.... or... people who'll unnecessarily buy the most expensive version simply because the name on the box sounds bigger (meaning better), even though they'll just use their computer for email, web browsing and word processing.
If anything, Microsoft is probably expecting to profit from confusion this is going to cause less experienced users.
8==8 Bones 8==8
William Shatner in his latest, greatest role: Windy IT pundit John C. Dvorak!
--
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
Windows Vista Starter Edition
Windows Vista Home Basic Edition
Windows Vista Home Premium Edition
Windows Vista Professional Edition
Windows Vista Small Business Edition
Windows Vista Enterprise Edition
Windows Vista Ultimate Edition
Windows Vista Kiddie Edition
Windows Vista Porn Edition
Windows Vista Kitchen Edition
Windows Vista Multimedia Edition
Windows Vista Gamer Case-Mod Edition
Windows Vista for Desperate Housewives
Add yours to the list...
Maybe they should create one version called Windows anti-geek version.
If you try to uninstall Windows or to install any other operating system, it would do everything it can using DRM and similar to prohibit.
It would also prohibit you from repairing or tweaking your computer or removing spyware/virus.
Oh wait! that's already in all 7 vista versions!
Sorry!
Let's not overlook Microsoft Vista--Kitchen Edition. People are putting computers in the kitchen, aren't they? Well then there should be a rugged kitchen edition with a file system specifically suited to storing recipes and videos of Jacques Pepin cooking his way.
At Frys, they sell a refrigerator with a computer built in to bring up recipes, check your email, etc. I believe you can also use it to keep track of your groceries. It runs Windows XP.
A strain of paranoid prevention can be worse than the disease, whate'er the intention.
Sure is a good thing that Linux doesn't have this problem.
I might buy Microsoft Windows DRM-free, patent-free, open formats, open API, open standards, open source edition... if I could get over the nausea of buying a Microsoft product.
I think they should release a blue screen edition. Oh, wait... Nevermind...
This is the Microsoft way since a long time. Hell, I remember that with windows 95/98 (or maybe it was 2000) different features got installed (see unlocked) according to which serial number you typed at the install. A corporate SN would install corporate stuff ie: more networking feature or more concurrent connections. This is not new at all.
This is a stolen sig.
Somehow, I think that the Windows Vista Pirate edition is the only one that will be released on time...
The way monopolies Maximise profit...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Price_discrimination
Those are about as funny as an episode of whos the boss.
Personally I beleive it is the King of the emerging market not the the King of the existing market. The US government might be happy pandering to MS but I can not believe the rest of the world enjoys this idea. If you can not see this 800 pound Guerrilla it is because it's hiding in the jungle until the time is right.
Gizmos Gagets For Ninjas
My other crazy wish is to ditch the different x86 processors families and just focus on making the best one as cheaply as possible. How much more does all that Celeron nonsense cost Intel anyway?
"It's the height of ridiculousness to say for those 9 lines you get hundreds of millions."
This article isn't funny. I'm sorry, it's just weak, which is pathetic given how easy the target is, but given how little actual content the article actually has, it's unsurprising that it fails to accomplish anything. So, why post it at all? Well, it's pretty obvious that PC magazine has sunk to the level of posting things that might get slashdotted just to sell ad impressions. I'm using Firefox on a 1024x768 monitor. With prefbar and the tab bar, the first page of the article doesn't quite fit within one screen, and the second fits in one screen comfortably. That's only by putting the whole page inside a column that gives everyone the 800x600 experience, ostensibly for consistent user experience, but really just to hide how little is actually there. Inside that column is the column of ads on the right, and the gigantic ad in the middle of the article that makes it annoying to read. How much space do the actual web pages take? Well, the first page takes 8 screens, and the second takes 7.5 screens. The article is so short that the only possible justification for breaking it into two pages is to show the extra 6.5 screens twice. There's really only about 1 screen of actual content, out of a total of 15.5 screens between the two pages.
This leaves two possible conclusions:
1) They actually believe that there's some utility to putting that much annoying crap around the article, and even so far below it that nobody will ever see it, in which case someone needs to be fired.
2) They don't care if a human ever sees it, and are just throwing it up there to generate ad impressions, in which case their advertisers all need to dump them, or move to pay-per-click ads.
In either case, I'm ignoring PC Magazine from now on.
There's no failure quite as dissatisfying as a complete and total solution to the wrong problem.
Oh my goodness! How'd you know!? You must be watching me with them evil cookies! AUGH! **Grabs tinfoil hat**
Stop the Slashdot effect! Don't read the articles!
You know you're on Slashdot when you realize that you've just read "Dvorak on Microsoft Confusing the Market" and then get slapped for recalling that Linux had countless distributions that serve all sorts of consumers, ranging from the minimalists, to the home users, to the gamers, and to whatever else is potentially desired. I guess I'm just saying I'd like to read "Gates on Linux Confusing the Market" except of course, that wouldn't make sense, since Linux has little enough share of the PC market to even cause any confusion .
Me, too!
Tequila: It's not just for breakfast anymore!
I see a company on the way down and out. They are patenting stuff just to stay alive. Now their next great hope is the proprietary codecs and drm and trusted computing - hoping to lock people in to the hardware so you can't do anything with it except pay them for features you want unlocked.
They probably think that the versions are a good marketing tactic. After all they are a pretty marketing company.
Just go learn open source now and save yourself a bunch of headaches down the road. I did years ago and now I just sit back and LOL at microsoft.
You can live without Windows - they just don't want you to know that.
> How about the Vista Porn Edition? All the great
> porn sites would be pre-bookmarked.
What's funny about that? A sad indictment actually.
I don't think we share the same definition for hilarious. Dvorak's sugestions are lame, lame, lame.
MS pays the senator, representative, mayor, councilman, judge, governor, president-or whatever $1 for everone in the relevant district if he/she uses VISTA. Very rewarding for Senators, the Supreme Court, Prez & VP.
If you want your life to be different, live it differently.
Duke Nukem Forever Edition!
First thing I've laughed out loud at on Slashdot for about 3 years. Damn I am sad.
"at least they got SOMETHING working crossplatform"
The Microsoft definition of "portable" is "runs on more then one version of Windows".
I wish I was kidding.
dragonhawk@iname.microsoft.com
I do not like Microsoft. Remove them from my email address.
What we need is Microsoft Vista Point that provides a 1x1 screen resolution (coupled to the new advanced security) that offers a view of your system status:
Red: Severe risk of virus attack
Orange: High risk of virus attack
Yellow: (Elevated) Significant virus of network attack
Blue: (Guarded) General risk of virus attack
Green: Low risk of virus attack
Does that mean that we'd expect hourly updates from Windows Update with bookmarks to the new greatest porn sites?
Nope it is the GPS RFID tag that was in your Bawls.
See my blog http://ilovecookes.blogspot.com/ for light hearted technical information.
Windows Vista Pirate Edition.
A sure-sell!
I comes with older search technology. Discaimer: I haven't used altavista in years.
MS Vista hacked & cracked warez edition
Where it will install in a couple of clicks.
Better, Stronger, Smaller, Cleaner, & Faster, than
the editions MS releases.
Didn't Microsoft go to a great deal of effort to like . . . combine two previous OS's that looked similar but ran with different feature sets into one OS that ran stuff pretty consistently but had the security of the other one?
I seem to recall hearing about this somewhere.
Pug
Microsoft - no longer innovating new and different mistakes, just exacerbating old ones
An Invisible Entity of Vast Power whose existence must be taken on faith alone: Liberal Media
>a blinking hard-drive light
No need to swear!
.
They will never know the simple pleasure of a monkey knife fight
don't you think that when a customer comes into the shop and sees all these choices, he will assume that he can pick and choose? Like getting Home Basic but with 1-2 features from Home Pro. When he is told he can't have that, he will realize that he can choose whatever he wants "as long as it's black".
This situation is the opportunity for Linux with it's pick-and-choose mindset. Let's hope Linux advocates can see that and exploit that.
my2c
A shared open project to create the various desk tops; system administration, educational, business, gaming, media, government interaction (localised of course) etc. Hit the button and it changes to present the user with a readily recognisable range of options (much the same as a shared digital equivalent of traffic signs).
An open and licence free range of digital desktop interfaces standards. Maybe cool?
Chaos - everything, everywhere, everywhen
surely, people are aware that Muddy Waters and whoever else used the phrase were referring to the aphorism "a rolling stone gathers no moss" it predates all of them.
Will all those little games be removed from the editions intended for business consumption?
mandated XP N, which nobody is buying.
-- "I never gave these stories much credence." - HAL 9000
Which means that I left out at least one version of XP. Although, I don't think Starter or N will be showing up on most retail shelves.