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Episode III Opening Crawl Released
moggyf writes "The official Star Wars website has revealed the opening crawler text for Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, currently scheduled for a May 19th, 2005 release."
← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)
... click on this article and get "Nothing to see here, move along..."?
"Derp de derp."
....for the coffin.
47 49 46 38 49 61 35 02 DC 02 C4 00 00 E0 E0 E0
F0 F0 F0 10 10 10 D0 D0 D0 A0 A0 A0 30 30 30 20
20 20 90 90 90 60 60 60 50 50 50 70 70 70 B0 B0
B0 40 40 40 80 80 80 C0 C0 C0 00 00 00 FF FF FF
00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00
00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00
00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 21 F9 04
00 00 00 00 00 2C 00 00 00 00 35 02 DC 02 00 05
FF 20 04 8E 64 69 9E 68 AA AE 6C EB BE 70 2C CF
[Lameness Filter encountered. Post aborted.]
Obliteracy: Words with explosions
"it was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."
If brevity is the soul of wit, then how does one explain Twitter?
Maybe this means that I'll see the Opening Crawl for Episode III before that poor bloke who started camping out in front of the theatre about a month ago!
"There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all."
- Bob Dylan
I just pissed my pants from excitement.
Slashdot = ((Technology + Politics) / Trolls) % Grammar Nazis
*sigh*
Lesbian Nazi Hookers Abducted by UFOs and Forced Into Weight Loss Programs - -all next week on Town Talk.
My god, how fucking stupid can Lucas get?
but meesa wait for the broadcast.
"A witty saying proves nothing." ~Voltaire
"d'Oh!" ~Homer
Why does it sound like the story line to Episode I? Seriously, Kidnapped (Captured) Political Figure, Jedi go save her. They dont need to use the story line from Episode 4 all 4 times.
Is it just me, or does the whole "back to the future" approach somehow degrade the Star Wars saga? The new stuff has nifty effects and all, but it just doesn't have the "feel" of the originals.
Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever.
Episode III REVENGE OF THE SITH War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere. In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader, General Grievous, has swept into the Republic capital and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine, leader of the Galactic Senate. As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their valuable hostage, two Jedi Knights lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Chancellor....
Who wants to bet that the real name will be the Return Of The Sith, just like Jedi wasn't a "Revenge" movie?
Annikin becomes Darth Vader!!
Three men walk into a bar. They all got concussions.
Separatist Droid Army and not SEPARATIST DROID ARMY?
As expected, not very exciting IMHO...
Seriously, with the way the new crawl starts with the word "War!", Lucas just might have replaced it with "Ass!" or something else asinine.
--Chag
That's not true, that's IMPOSSIBLE!!!!
Episode III
REVENGE OF THE SITH
War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by
the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There are
heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere.
In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader,
General Grievous, has swept into the Republic
capital and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine,
leader of the Galactic Senate.
As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee
the besieged capital with their turgid hostage,
two Jedi Knights and a brave but clumsy Gungan
warrior lead a desperate mission to rescue the
captive Chancellor....
I guess that leaves the door open for whatever the upcoming Lucas Arts games.
Tyranny isn't the worst enemy of a democracy. Cynicism is.
And with that, the final raping of your childhood memories of Star Wars is now nearly at hand. Grab your wallet, grab your glasses, and grab your ankles.. May is coming sooner than you think!
Is Dooku good or evil? Which is the Empire and which is the Rebellion? Is Dooku on either one of those?
.Dooku) is the one that gets Darth Vader and the Storm Troopers?
Which side (Palpatine vs
Since Palpatine is the Emperor, how can he be on both sides?
I've seen Episode II a bunch of times, but frankly, I can't figure it all out. This isn't a troll, I'm curious. (Posted anon. out of attempt to maintain some geek cred.)
No, I am your father.
See. See.
Look. Look. Look.
See. See. See.
See Anakin. See Anakin turn. Turn Anakin turn.
See Jedis. See Jedis die. Die Jedis die.
See Palpatine. See Palpatine rule. Rule Palpatine rule.
Look. See Darth Vader. See Amidala. See Amidala give birth and hide children. Hide them Amidala.
See Amidala die. Die Amidala die.
There's so much to see.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
It did say "This isn't the story you're looking for" at which point I had an uncontrollable urge to say "Move along, move along". That was weird.
ugh, no wonder he is evil, what a terrible name "Hello Dooki...i mean dooku"
I mod down so you can mod up. Your welcome.
I just want to know what the twist is. Will GL make everything the way we expect like Annakin allies with Sith, becomes vader, get in a fight...etc. Gotta be something more. I hope.
Three men walk into a bar. They all got concussions.
Cash! The production house is crumbling
under attacks by the ruthless
Sith Lord, and Slashdot fanboys.
There are whiners on both sides.
Ennui is everywhere.
In a stunning move, the
fiendish droid leader, General
Lucas, has swept into the
Hollywood capital and kidnapped
famous movie critics, and leaders of
the big studios.
As the exhasperated Slashdot army
attempts to flee the onslaught
of PR pushed by bought-for flaks
two Jedi Knights lead a
desperate mission to rescue the
captive franchise...
Don't let the MPAA find out that you viewed the crawler text on-line. They'd freak!!!
So for someone who hasn't seen all of the Star Wars series:
Should I wait until this comes out, and then see the 6 in their intended order?
Or should I forget all the prequels, and just watch the original three?
Or watch the original three, then the prequels?
I'm curious what the general concensus is. I've just never watched them, except for the original star wars once. (Now that I've shocked everyone, what's your opinion?)
Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the Old Republic was
crumbling away, rotting from the corruption and treachery
within. Power-hungry technocrats and wealthy bureaucrats
maneuvered and bribed their way into office, while one am-
bitious senator plotted to destroy the Jedi and rule the
galaxy.
Hoping to restore virtue and the remembered glory of the
Republic, the High Council of Senators dispatched the Jedi
Knights - protectorate of justice in the galaxy - on a
quest to retrieve the lost Kaiburr Crystal. They believed
that the small diamond-like object (which intensified the
power of the Force) would unite the disaffected among the
people and would destroy the corruption around them.
However, within their Council, the evil Senator Palpatine
had other traitorous designs. Foreseeing that the Crystal
would secure his position as Emperor, Palpatine deceived one
of the Jedi Knights and sent him to acquire the Crystal.
Karma: Chameleon (mostly due to the fact that you come and go).
General Grievous is described on the star wars site basically as a cyborg, not a droid.
Or do they mean he's the general of a droid army?
These people need good writers, that's for sure.
Anakin gets even with Count Dooku - and cuts off BOTH of his hands - before cutting his head off
Obi-Won Kenobi kills the Jedi hunter, General Grievous - who can use three or more light sabers at one time, with the General's own blasters. The General's light sabers are trophies from Jedi he has slain in the past.
Anakin turns on Mace Windu when Mace goes to face Palpatine/The Emperor. Mace dies by falling out of a window after the Emperor fries him with lightning.
Yoda gets pwned by the Emperor
Qui-Gon Jin comes back as a ghost and explains the true nature of the force to Yoda after he loses his fight with the Emperor.
Anakin and Obi-Won fight each other with blue light sabers.
Obi-won chops off Anakin's other real hand and both of his legs.
Now there is some news about RotS!
HallmarkOrnaments.Com
It's not too hard to make your own SW crawl in blender, just make some 3D text with a stary background and run a camera pointed at an angle down it, render. S'fun.
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
But if one of us forks over ten bucks to see the end of RoTK +1 glowing sword, -1 ring of power and two gay dudes intead of hobbits I bet we can find out.
It may only be a crawler when you first look, but I've just ordered this wonderful image enhancer sticker from an online store - the sticker's only about 1.5" by 2" and according to the spec it's manufactured from "advanced, outsized nanoparticles fused with filings from real phase inverted plasma conduits", and when you stick it on the side of your monitor you can see a full length screener of the film.
AT&ROFLMAO
You will die alone!
Misspelled as "sith". Please correct ASAP.
Watch all three Matrices in order... you'll get better value.
... That is actually going to ignore this movie. I refuse to give lucas and other assorted madmen one more dollar for the previlage of being dissapointed. Any weakness will be shored up by howard the duck rentals.
Episode III
REVENGE OF GEORGE LUCAS
Profit! Skywalker Ranch is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Rust Lord. There are dorks on both sides. Money is everywhere.
In an all-but-stunning move, the fiendish droid director, George Lucas, has swept into the Movie realm and kidnapped anything vaguely interesting in the plot.
As the idiotic producers attempt to get away from the box office with their shameful plot, two Midiclorian Wh0res and an unfunny Gungan warrior lead a desperate mission to rescue the Star Wars series....
I would be remiss in my duties if I did not bring up the Cosmic Wars crawler text.
The Gathering Shadow
It is a time of uncertainty. The
empire's ambiguous tariff statutes
mandate close reexamination of
galactic import quotas. Interim
Princess Agoomba has co-chaired
a subcommittee to draft amendments
to existing trade policies
Meanwhile, regulatory agencies
are being heavily lobbied by a
consortium of mercantile interest
groups and their suppliers to
streamline loading restrictions for
class C cargo vessels. The shipping...
My other computer is a Jacquard loom.
In long, long time ago, galaxy far, far away. War was beginning. Obi-Wan: What happen ? Anakin: Somebody set up us the bomb. Yoda: We get signal. Obi-Wan: What ! Mace: Main screen turn on. Obi-Wan: It's You !! Palpatine: How are you gentlemen !! Palpatine: All your base are belong to us. Palpatine: You are on the way to destruction. Yoda: What say you !! Palpatine: You have no chance to survive make your time. Palpatine: HA HA HA HA ....
Yoda: Take off zig every !!
Yoda: You know you doing what .
Yoda: Move 'zig'.
Yoda: For just great.
Well it goes something like this...
...
Episode III
REVENGE OF THE SITH
Bore!
blah blah
Just crap...
I'm pissing my pants with anticipation.... ... this just MAY be the worst Star Wars ever.
The only proper way to experience Star Wars was to watch the original, unbastardized Trilogy in a movie theatre. Unless you can find someone that has squirreled away a properly maintained print, this will never be possible again.
Your next best option is to find someone with the original 3 movies on laserdisc.
Stay away from the remakes and the new movies like you would avoid a bus-load of MPAA attornies infected with the plague.
Each premise becomes more and more wacko.
Each character becomes more two dimensional.
Seriously, I'm expecting nothing but dramatically colored animation with lots of shocked expressions.
If the writing is like anime (not good anime, mind you), the sets are completely animated, the acting is like anime....
To quote somebody from the upcoming movie (you know somebody's going to say it):
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
You have it all wrong -- while the first two movies were pretty good, Lucas' stories and new characters are just getting progressively dumber.
Darth Sidious? General Grievous? What's next, Senator Poopyhead?
*sigh*
Why 'General Grievous?'? Because General Electric was already taken!
rimshot
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
What if Palpatine does not want to be rescued...
Or does anyone else think that Lucas should spice up Episode III with some breakdancing?
Whining, hell. Well-deserved mocking is more like it.
Yadda yadda
Just kill Jar Jar FFS!
Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why. -- Hunter S. Thompson
Thanks to the Internet, you'll see Star Wars Episode III before that sad git camping out in line for tickets. /Tom Selleck
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Thanks for reinforcing it!
Now with extra mitochondria, or mitichlorians, or mitten chlorine, or some dumb a$$ thing.
Geez lucas, how far you have fallen...
what a terrible name "Hello Dooki...i mean dooku"
You're not the first.
TURGID
[adj] abnormally distended especially by fluids or gas; "tumescent tissue"; "puffy tumid flesh"
Unless Lucas himself is playing Chancellor Palpatine I'm not sure how this description applies. Is it really necessary to point out that the guy is really fat in opening crawl?
Either that or "turgid" is sometimes used as an oblique reference to having a stiffy... and that REALLY doesn't need to be in the opening crawl, IMHO.
=tkk
Bill Gates - Creationist?!?
So, who else can already figure out exactly what's going to happen? It doesn't exactly take a phd in narratology to "predict".
He actually named a bad guy "General Grevious"???
What a breathtaking lack of creativity. I look forward to seeing his counterpart on the other side, Major Niceguy.
Read my blog.
Who will be killed off by the second reel.
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Check out this parody of Episode III. The guy did some nice work. Looks like everything is green screen. Funny as hell. http://www.sequentialpictures.com/moviestarwarsepi sode3.html
In case I was the only one that noticed:
This is the only episode thus far that does not have the word "galaxy" somewhere within the crawl text.
My comments may be crap...but they are my crap...and I am brave enough to stand by them...Never post as AC!
Wow, George Lucas is that lame that he has to go steal ideas from the Lord of the Rings?
Lets see:
One Ring--> Crystal
Saruman--> Palpatine
Mount Doom --> Lava pit?
does that make yoda gollum? "my precious they stoles, yes"
I would watch 4-5-6 first because if you watch 1-2-3 before 4-5-6, the big punch "Luke... I AM..." in ep5 will be spoiled because you saw ep3.
:)
Yes, SW should be more enjoyable in the 456123 order, or better in the 456 order.
Hey, why not trying 654321? It must be fun
perception is reality
...which would make the first line of the crawler SO much better (and sinister..):
"Ass! The Republic is crumbling under attacks.."
Here's a remix
I read an interview once where George said that he lets his kids name that characters...
Hence: Jar Jar, Dooku, Grievous, Elan Sleazebaggo (don't believe me? look it up), etc.
My mom says I'm cool.
Who, me, cynical?
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
It's cool to bash the prequels, but at the end of the day, geekdom is going to show up and watch them. You may be honest in not wanting to go, but I guarantee you that all 95%+ of these "SW prequel trilogy sucks" zombies is going to stand in line and watch them.
- sigs are for wimps.
Those aren't the correct lyrics. Here you go:
war
war never been so much fun
war never been so much fun
go to your brother, kill him with your gun
leave him lying in his uniform, dying in the sun
war
Belief is the currency of delusion.
The continuity betweeh 1,2,3 and 4,5,6 is OK, but from 3 to 4 is a huge breach.
The gap between the Queen of Naboo and Dookie and the Rebellion and Leia is jarring. Where did this 'rebellion' and civil war come from? 3 is mostly about a universal shift of alliances -- think NATO and Warsaw Pact -- due to trade inequity (1 & 2). Now we're at civil war? Who is rebelling against whom? Has the 1,000 solar system rift (2) oppressed the other 1,000's of systems?
There's no way in hell Ep3 is going to link to Ep4 with any shred of continuity.
https://www.accountkiller.com/removal-requested
LucasFilm has received a Cease & Desist letter from the MPAA.
There is one way the new episodes can be redeemed. If Jar Jar dies a extremely violent, painful and blood filled death. It would all be worth it then.
''As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their turgid hostage''
Turgid hostage!
Did Senator Palpatine get a woody while being held down ?
Turgid:
1. Excessively ornate or complex in style or language; grandiloquent: turgid prose.
2. Swollen or distended, as from a fluid; bloated: a turgid bladder; turgid veins.
On the other hand you can say that all the Lucas movies are turgid.
A droid, in the shape and likliness of a human, holding two lightsabers. I mean honestly!
Oops! You didn't study the picture closely enough. Gen. Grievous is clearly wielding not two but THREE lightsabers. Let's all raise our voices to congratulate Mr. Lucas for striking off in this radical new direction.
And the last part of the crawl is.
You'll laugh!
You'll cry!
You'll kiss ten bucks goodbye!
GET IN LINE NOW!
www.eFax.com are spammers
Anyone remember the Simpsons episode that basically trashed ep1?
Their opening text for the star wars film in the episode was incredibly obfuscated, and hilarious.
Another good part was when the AT-AT crashed through the conference, and then sat there like a dog, waiting for the roll call to finish.
Lucas just might have replaced it with "Ass!"
No point in giving away the film in the first ten seconds.
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
Linley's Dungeon Crawl http://www.dungeoncrawl.org/
or, of course,
Star Wars Asciimation http://www.asciimation.co.nz/
To all the morons whining about how bad this movie is going to be, remember it was made for children in the first place
He could just start it with
Suckers ! You guys fell for it a third time...
Completely Hilarious. I rarely seen a parody of this quality.
perception is reality
Colin Powell...
That's all I'm going to say....I'm sure you can all write your own jokes....
A goal is a dream with a deadline
Seriously, with the way the new crawl starts with the word "War!", Lucas just might have replaced it with "Ass!" or something else asinine.
OK, so you're joking some. But actually, in keeping with the sort of "newsreel" tone of the exposition in those crawls, which harken back to old cinema serials, that's pretty much dead on. It echos WWII newspaper headlines in succinctness punch. I actually kind of like it. Of course, after that first word, it goes completely downhill. General Grievous? Oh, man...
Don't disappoint your bird dog. Go to the range.
Note to Scroll Writing Staff:
Please rework Scroll to include the phrase "hot space-monkey nookie".
Please, no Wookie-Nookie jokes.
THX, GL
"A microprocessor... is a terrible thing to waste." --
GeneralEmergency
Count Dooku might realize the error of his ways at the last minute and try to kill the emperor?
In case I was the only one who noticed:
None of these episodes have the word "Titmouse" somewhere within the crawl text.
Many thanks to Mr. Pratchett.
...
Death
War
Famine
Plague
Grievous Bodily Harm
Cruelty To Animals
Things Not Working Properly Even After You've Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager
and, last but not least
Really Cool People
So, we have General Grievous....
Will we see Captain Cruelty? Maybe Lt. Things (alias Lt. Lager)?
What's the problem?
"Skill shows through where genius wears thin." -Wittgenstein || Religion: uniting aviation and architecture.
Star Wars has now become a parody of Space Balls...
I was referring to what is actually going to be in the movie, not the concept art. Looks like Lucas wanted an interesting-looking character, saw the concept and stripped it of both interest and innovation.
a commentary on the Iraq war.
Go George!
The opening crawls in the original trilogy served as a method of allowing the movie to open in medias res without the audience having a sense of disorientation. In the latter two movies this included an aspect of establishing that time had passed since the previous movie-- but, no meaningful or potentially interesting-to-watch events were in this way "skipped", it is simply made clear to us that what we expected has occurred in the intervening time (the war continues, Luke continues to train, Vader turned Solo over to Jabba the Hutt) with perhaps one or two little bits of information that alert us as to the movie's focus (the Imperials are known to be building a weapon capable of destroying an entire planet).
In the prequel trilogies the crawls have served two purposes. The intentional purpose is to allow George Lucas to weasel out of characterization, establishing setting and place, and moving the plot along. Unlike the original trilogies, where the Star Wars universe's background and nature was established incidentally, through subtle details of what we see and hear during the movie, in the prequel trilogies they just use the opening crawl to say "plop, there it is", and disorientingly slam down the characters and setting they wish to put the movie in. After this point, since they seem to consider themselves thus freed from explaining themselves, they completely refrain during the movie from elaborating on the things the opening crawl sketches or filling in details beyond the crawl's bare outline (where is Naboo and why, if in any obvious way, are they important? who is the Trade Federation and why should we care? who is "count dooky", why would someone have heard of him, what does he claim he wants, and why does this all appear to be important to someone who does not know his true aspirations? who is "grevious", how and why is he starting a droid army, and what are the implications of this? most importantly what would the answer to these questions appear to be to someone within the movie-- not us the viewer, to whom the answers are "he's the bad guy and he wants to rule the world", what would an average citizen of the Republic think Dooku to be?) and so use the time freed up within the movie in this way to concentrate on roller-coaster-style but otherwise long, boring and irrelivant action scenes.
The unintentional purpose of the prequel trilogy opening crawls is to bash you over the head with how stupid all these character names are ("Grevious"? "Dooku"??? I mean come on!), just in case the majesty of John Williams' opening score might otherwise distract you from the suspicion that the entire plotline to the prequel trilogy was written by Lucas's 4-year-old child in a single sitting some years ago in crayon on a napkin.
Irritable, left-wing and possibly humorous bumper stickers and t-shirts
Major Payne!
myke
Mimetics Inc. Twitter
What's the deal with everyone using ellipses? You only use an ellipsis when you quote someone and leave something out that isn't contextually needed. So, George Lucas, who the fuck are you quoting when you end your opening crawl? Where people got the idea that it implies "there is more shit involved than i'm revealing" is unknown to me. Just a pet peeve of mine...
A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct. This every member of the Jedi order knows. To begin your study of the life of Darth Vader, then take care you first place him in his time: born in the 18th year before the reign of the Galactic Emporer, Palpatine I. And take the most special care that you locate Darth Vader in his place: the planet Coruscant. Do not be deceived by the fact that he was born on Tattoine and lived his first eight years there. Coruscant, the planet known as 'The City Planet', is forever his place.
Understanding is a three edged sword. - Ambassador Kosh Naranek, Babylon 5
The actual text of the last paragraph is
But the scary thing is, I actually believed the part about the "brave but clumsy Gungan warrior" until I read the source.
Does that say something about me (and everyone else who believed it), or something about Lucas?
"A microprocessor... is a terrible thing to waste." --
GeneralEmergency
You heard me! They should just rename the movie to reflect what it REALLY is.
They're the correct lyrics - to a different song. Did you not get that, or were you trying to be funny?
Electric Boogaloo?
Read my blog.
He should have substituted "EXTREEEEEEEMEEEE!!" for "War!" to give it more appeal to the 16-25 demographic.
"...a brave but clumsy Gungan warrior..."
Jar Jar Binks is back. And since he's mentioned in the freaking crawler, he'll probably get more screen time than any other character. Meesa thinks it best to be not going.
Ah yes, another fabulous star wars movie is coming out. yay huzzah wuhoo. I'll just be wandering over to my prefs and filtering out future slash articles on them. That will allow discussions to be filled with the insight of fans who are even more die hard than me. Over and out.
because that's where they mine spice! wait...
-
Poll discussions are way better
Note: This sig contains nine S's, nine I's and five O's which... means absolutely nothing.
Epi I's stress on Maul can be redeemed if the droid General Grievous is actually darth Maul saved from death.
He has biological looking eyes, and otherwise it would make no sense to have a droid that can use the force. Why not make the entire droid army have force powers?
I guess making 0 sense hasn't stopped Lucas in the past.
Robo-Blogs of the world: UNITE!
was the scene where Anakin turns to the dark side and Ben Kenobi gets served.
Please stop stalking me, bro.
I tried:
google.com
urbandictionary.com
dictionary.com
None of the above gave any definition that involved movies.
So what does this word mean, where did it come from, and why are we assumed to know wtf it is since none of the standard online means of defining terms comes up with anything useful ?
Ummm, no. I won't waste my money.
It sounds like you're going to waste yours, though.
Is it just me or is the resoltion of that .gif particularly bad? I'd be prepared to swear I see the line "There are herpes on both sides."
Do not touch -Willie
Elan Sleazebaggo
He is the death sticks guy. Also, he is Mouse from The Matrix.
Never argue with an idiot. They will just bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Yes.
Belief is the currency of delusion.
Bush and Thatcher are hardly power-grab dictators with evil schemes. You sound a little bitter to me. 9/11 was the most shocking event since Pearl Harbor. You didn't think we were going to let things go, did you? Even in Iraq? I mean, that worked so well for Clinton- letting Al Qaeda attack the WTC and then not capturing them, not going to war, not increasing security. Lincoln and FDR are closer to your examples, btw.
The (Old) Republic becomes The Empire. The Rebellion hasn't started (because it has nothing, yet, to rebel against). Dooku is on the side that will become The Empire.
;-)
Minor Clarification - Dooku is on the "rebels" side, even though he's evil and working for Palpatine / Sidious. There's a few people duped into being on the "wrong" side, or who are playing someone else, so you can't really say Dooku is on one side or the other all the way.
In summary:
Senator Palpatine is Darth Sidious, the Big Baddie Boss. While they haven't officially announced this or made the conneciton in 1 & 2, it's clear from watching 5 & 6.
Palpatine / Sidious is playing both sides. He's a nice senator with the best intenitons for the Republic on one side (Palpatine), and the hidden threat (the "Phantom Menace") that is getting everyone to seperate from the Republic on the other (Darth Sidious). End result - with the war, he can grab more power. He forced the vote (through Amadala) that bumped the old leader from the senate, and got himself installed in the spot. Meanwhile, he's aiding the "rebels" (Trade Federation & Seepratists) that are breaking away from the Republic as Sidious.
Count Dooku is evil, but is being played. He thinks he's bringing down a bad thing and helping the good guys by leading the Seperatists, but he's being tricked by Sidious / Palpatine. There's a scene in Ep 2. where he tries to convince Kenobi that he's doing the right thing, and it's clear he's confused. He's a bad guy because he works for Sidious and is attacking the current government, but he thinks he's doing it for the right reasons.
What's coming up (Minor Spoiler if you haven't seen 4, 5, and 6 yet):
Senator Palpatine has already become the leader of the Senate. He will eventually rename it the Empire, and declare himself Emperor. This is backed up by Vader in Episode 4 early on when he says "The Emperor has just dissolved the Imperial Seante, the last remains of the Old Repuplic have been washed away," (or something close) while talking to Leia.
The Clone Army that was made to help the Republic will eventually become the Storm Troopers that serve the Empire.
The Seperatist Movement, once led by Dooku & Grevious, will become the Rebellion. The current Bad Guys will become the Good Guys in 4 thru 6, when it's revealed that the Emire went from good to bad under Palpatine / Sidous.
That should clear it all up.
hey, it worked for the second Matrix movie!
Given that this is a story of the fall of the Republic and the Rise of the Empire, Lucas' literary allusion here seems to have all of the subtlety of a high-speed halfbrick to the cranium.
Come on, everyone-- ripping off Shakespeare is a noble literary tradition !
//Information does not want to be free; it wants to breed.
Tonik health care plan RUULLLLLLEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!!!!
fucking lameness filter is so... lame.
As in grief-causing.
Then you'll really be in BIG trouble.
they won't really be, will they.
You forgot the See Amidala's hotness part.
I, for one, welcome our beautiful Harvard-attending Queen- & Senator-playing overlord.
You can hold down the "B" button for continuous firing.
I am not convinced by your arguments. Dooku says a few things in favour of destroying the Jedi (hardly the actions of a good guy), and knows about things such as the Death Star. At the end when he talks to Palpatine/Sideous it seems clear that he understands the overall plan. And don't forget that he is a Sith - he has accepted the `power of the dark side,' which seems incompatible with `good' motives. Rather than being played, he is actively involved in playing the other participants in the separatist movement.
I am TheRaven on Soylent News
Private Thread
I think the "Art of Revenge" caption at the top refers to Lucas exacting revenge on Star Wars fans.
Can anyone tell me how to set my sig on Slashdot?
My first thought was, "In AD 2101, war was beginning!"
... bad.
It kind of reads like a bad translation of something
"It doesn't take a rocket scientist" -I guess I should leave then
He appeared in the Cartoon Network Microseries. He is a Cyborg that leads the Droid Army. He was able to fight using up to 3 (yes 3, even with his feet) Lightsabers killing many Jedis in the process.
"There is no teacher but the enemy."-Mazer Rackham
http://www.starwars.com/databank/character/elansle azebaggano/
Seriously.
Sad thing is, that's probably better than episode III is going to be.
"And don't forget that he is a Sith - he has accepted the `power of the dark side,' which seems incompatible with `good' motives."
that's how the dark side get's ya! it says: "i'm way more powerfull than the light side, but you don't HAVE to use me for evil... use me to do good! it won't hurt....."
observe Vader tempting Luke on Bespin, he basically gives this speech, or Annakin telling Padme how much he wants a great leader to come and make the senate stop infighting. His heart is in the right place, but the dark side seduces you with evil means that don't justify the righteous ends. (and of course when you come to that end, its no longer the good and just one that you started out with)
May you be touched by His Noodly Appendage. RAmen.
Actually, it's Sleazebagganno.
^_^
Note to self:
Never use Roman Numerals when writing in the first person.
Mr. Lucas, is that you?
Fool me once (Ep I), shame on me.
Fool me twice (EpII)... uh... can't get fooled again.
That twit isn't getting any more of my money. For Ep II he only got the rental money, this time he isn't getting squat.
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
Private Parts?
Count Dooku is evil, but is being played. He thinks he's bringing down a bad thing and helping the good guys by leading the Seperatists, but he's being tricked by Sidious / Palpatine. There's a scene in Ep 2. where he tries to convince Kenobi that he's doing the right thing, and it's clear he's confused. He's a bad guy because he works for Sidious and is attacking the current government, but he thinks he's doing it for the right reasons.
I agree with the GP or GGP or whatever it was - this stuff just doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
And, for the sake of comity, I'll give you credit for trying your best to make sense of it, but what you've written is every bit as nonsensical as Episode II: Dooku is an evil character who purposefully joins with the evil Sidious to create the evil rebellion [or is it a good rebellion? - in Episode I it started as a tax revolt] that will eventually [and magically] evolve into a good rebellion that will bring down Sidious some twenty years later?
I'm sorry, but that's just plain nutso.
The absolutely awesome Episode III wrap-up of this would have been as follows: The Jedi, in their arrogance, follow Palpatine's lead and crush the good rebellion [killing the good Dooku in the process], only to learn, to their horror, that Palpatine was the evil one all along. As soon as Palpatine feels confident in his position, he and Anakin/Vader turn on the remaining Jedi, and kill them in a Pearl Harbor/9-11 holocaust, with only Kenobi & Yoda escaping their wrath.
But that possibility was ruined by the very last scene of Episode II, where Dooku is clearly portrayed bowing to Palpatine/Sidious as his master.
This is worth reading:
http://www.brightlightsfilm.com/38/clones1.htm
Or Solo.
Or Chewie.
At least he never used "The Starkiller Kid", from an early draft of The Star Wars.
...Dooku sounds like "from the asshole(do cú)" I just can't keep a straight face...
Seems to be pandering to the "no one is ever wrong" crowd. The beauty of SW was that good and evil were so well defined. The Empire BAD - Rebellion GOOD.
It is better to be the hammer than the anvil.
Drill baby drill - on Mars
Will this suck more than phantom menace or attack of the clones? I'm going to say its going to be better than menace but crappier than clones. kind of like how jedi was for the first trilogy, but in reverse.
For a moment, I thought maybe he let his kids write the scripts too - but then I realized, even kids couldn't come up with something *that* bad.
Ever!
and the whole Amidala giving birth to Luke and Leia thing
... Can't be!... Nooo! Luke and Leia aren't Jar-jar's children!! Nooo!"
And the world waits to find out if the caesarian is done with a lightsaber. Or the episiotomy, if they go that way.
You know what'd rock? If the babies pop out and they're half-Gungan.
That'd rock. You'd hear fanboy heads explode all over the world. "Noooo! That's not
September 2011: Looking for Cocoa/iOS work in Boston area Cocoa Programmer Quincy, MA
As possibly the only offense against creativity more dire than naming a bad character "General Grievous" is naming one "Elan Sleazebaggano".
Read my blog.
I think the previous poster is -mostly- right. I think he's wrong about the trade federation becoming the good guys of episode 3-6, though. (That would mean the trade federation becomes the rebels, basically)
I think the trade federation will have nothing to do with the rebel alliance. They're just a convenient pawn for Palpatine to use to start a Civil War. Dooku is with palpatine, but pretending to work for the trade federation mainly as the "stirrer up of shit." His role is to help start the war.
Once the war is in full swing, Palpatine can essentially take power as emperor.
Those who realize they've been had (current members of the republic) will disband and form the rebel alliance. (Jimmy smits (Leia's adoptive father.) being a prime example.)
When dooku reaches out and tells Kenobi this information, I don't think he (Dooku) is confused at all. I think he's purposefully giving the truth (even though it implicates his master) because he knows it will breed doubt in Kenobi's mind, and mistrust. (Bad for a Jedi.) Also, as Kenobi sees Dooku as the bad guy, he won't necessarily buy his statment about Palpatine anyway. It's the classic, tell the truth to service a lie.
It is, however, correct that the clone troopers will eventually form the Empire's army. They basically have no will of their own, and are order takers, not thinkers.
My guess is that the prophecy was never that Anakin was going to balance the force in a good way. The prophecy was that he would royally screw people over and balance the force through the downfall of the Jedi order. I think Yodo (and possibly Mace Windu) know this, and therefore were reluctant to let Anakin in. However, they now know that the prophecy is true and cannot be avoided. Therefore, he IS the chosen one, it's just too bad for Anakin that this means he has to essentially become evil, until his Son can somehow redeem him.
I'm most eager to find out why Qui-Gon doesn't dissapear.
He's been locked into this series, in some directorial equivalent of typecasting.
So in a passive-aggressive attempt at getting even with the damn fanboys who won't let him be, he's self-sabotaging the movies.
September 2011: Looking for Cocoa/iOS work in Boston area Cocoa Programmer Quincy, MA
Yeah, because, you know George W. Bush is Senator Palpatine. Let's look at the similarities.
* Bush invaded Afghanistan to bring the war to our enemies, establish a democracy in a backwards country, and to overthrow the Taliban, which oppressed women.
* Palpatine helped the Trade Confederacy invade a world to overthrow a free, peaceful democracy, and depose their duly elected leader.
* Bush invaded Iraq to overthrow a tyrannical dictator and establish a free democracy.
* Palpatine overthrew a free republic to establish a tyrannical empire.
* Bush is working domestically to turn our renting society into an ownership society by extablishing Social Security as a long-term investment.
* Palpatine chases down Jedi knights who are supposed to protect the common man and ruthlessly kills them.
* Bush appointed the first black woman to be Secretary of State in our nation's history, opening up a good possibility of having a black woman president in the next decade, given historical precedence.
* Palpatine turns an honest yet naive boy against his own friends and brings him into his dark circle of evil friends.
I mean, the similarities are undeniable! George Lucas obviously made these movies at this time to parody George W. Bush!
The radical sect of Islam would either see you dead or "reverted" to Islam.
There's an old saying on Tatooine -- I know it's on Naboo, probably on Tatooine -- that says, fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.
- Darth Doobyu
http://www.flickr.com/photos/daveward/
Incidentally, he researched this very carefully and the type face is exact (found interviews with LucasFilm folks where the font are discussed.) He also did very meticulous work getting the perspective of the text, the color and the leading correct. It's not the real thing, but it sure looks like it.
--Rick "If it isn't broken, take it apart and find out why."
Rebellion, evil empire, both ingredients to historical soup.
When a power comes to be, there is always a rebellion. I fail to see what makes the rebellion good and the empire bad in star wars. It is for the benefit of all the speciesin the 1000's of systems involved for the political/culturally dominant landscape to change and grow. the rebellion is clinging to the old ways that harbor and almost nurture the impending doom of corruption. absolute power corrupts absolutely. this is the underlying meaning in the starwars trilogy. There must have been hundreds of thousands of jobs created to get the rolling space fleet up and running. not to mention maintenance and reconstruction efforts (clerks reference - Episode V) Think of the thousands of people that died on the deathstar that were innocently there, not aware of the intent of the leaders. And what of this intent? control by fear. fear of destruction of planets. we are controlled by fear in our societies here on earth, but it is only the destruction of this planet that we worry about. If we are the only intelligent species ever, and we self destruct, then the universe loses its only hope of life anywhere. (who really believes that is walking around with eyes closed.)
The larger an empire becomes the better it is for all life! no, no, its true. So what if a few hundred or thousand people are inconvenienced in their short little lives. The amount of productive work that can be the output of a large empire outweighs our little "i want my personal freedoms back" complaints. hail the empire. kill al queda.
1. Mace Windu gets killed.
2. Boba Fett kills him.
We find out who Anakin's father really is.
In the brazilian portuguese version of the movie, they changed the name of Count Dooku to Count Dookan, because the original name sound like "from the ass" (do cú - which is quite appropriate, considering the new episodes).
Oh, the ironies...
That twit isn't getting any more of my money. For Ep II he only got the rental money, this time he isn't getting squat.
It'll be on Fox for Christmas 2006.
I caught that latest Star Trek on a free movie weekend on Starz or something. I'm not sure if I saw the ending or if I fell asleep, but I lost interest with Patrick Stewart prostituting himself on a nonsensical SUV chase. I paid the appropriate amount of money to see that one and SW3 will be the same.
There could be some neat special effects worth seeing.
My God, it's Full of Source!
OUTSIDE_IP=$(dig +short my.ip @outsideip.net)
Put all six of the crawls in order (by episode number) and read it as one long continuous story...Then ask yourself one question:
Would I really care about seeing this story on film?
GET FREE APPLE STUFF!
And I thought I had too much free time!
The Separatist movement has nothing to do with the rebellion. It is a ploy by Sidious and Dooku to give power to Sidious.
don't get me wrong, but they are all losers
It already sucks.
Why Why WHY!?! Why are you writing "political drama"?
Why is that good?
I can't help reading the clearly written, simple crawlers from the 4-6 trilogy and wondering how on earth the same person could have written the confused, uninteresting plots of the 1-3 trilogy.
Considering I spent decades of my life being a Star Wars freak
------ The best brain training is now totally free : )
How Ironic that 25 years later I find myself once again thinking: "God its really incredible that Battlestar Galactica might have a more compelling storyline than Star Wars, and they spent a fraction of the pricetag."
Actually, it wasn't really true back then. Star Wars ultimately proved to have a far more enduring and compelling storyline. This time around however -- things have changed. There's no comparison. BG's storyline is infinitely superior to episodes 4-6.
Just goes to show you George, all the special effects in the world can't top a well written script.
------ The best brain training is now totally free : )
I would think, even in a hugh robotic biosuit, he would still need the force on his side to beat jedi. Or is he just killing jedi with sheer might? Can't recall if they showed any force powers from him in the toon, but I don't think so.
Stop wasting your money on Lucas' wayward comical views of the StarWars universe. These guys really know what they're doing. Great story and great characters... Sure, it's a game that will take 40 hours to extract the story instead of 2 but at least you'll enjoy yourself.
At this point I'd rather see a movie about Revan and Malak than the misery that will be Episode III.
LilMikey.com... I'll stop doing it when you sto
It's not in the clip, but I've always wondered what life would be like in the death star's cafeteria.
"I'd like a hamburger and fries, please"
"Would that be all, Lord Vader?"
"And some chocolate milk. Yummy!"
I loved the "From the office of the Emperor" stationary. Nice touch!
What's coming up (Minor Spoiler if you haven't seen 4, 5, and 6 yet):
Damn you! I've been holding off on watching episodes 4,5 and 6 until I saw 1 through 3. Twenty five years I've been avoiding all Star Wars movies, games, toys and books. Twenty five years I had to leave the room when the discussion turned to Star Wars. ALL RUINED BY YOUR CARELESS SPOILER!
Reminds me of the fake headline from "The Onion" of a WWII era newspaper. The headline in giant font covering the width of the paper was "WA-" followed by a small sub-heading "Headline continued on next page"
Lucas' literary allusion here seems to have all of the subtlety of a high-speed halfbrick to the cranium
I must haved ducked... English geeks are the worst kind of geeks.
Mr. Lucas, is that you?
Fool me once (Ep I), shame on me.
Fool me twice (EpII)... uh... can't get fooled again.
That twit isn't getting any more of my money. For Ep II he only got the rental money, this time he isn't getting squat.
I couldn't agree more.
I watched a half hour of Ep II downloaded from the internet, and promptly deleted the file (posted anonymously for obvious reasons). Thankfully I was spared the long lines at the cinema, and sitting through two hours of the horrible crap.
I will not be buying any more Star Wars sets (I have two different LaserDisc sets of the first 3 movies made, IV, V, and VI, so while I never was one to watch star wars "thirty-eight times!," I did enjoy the movie and prior to Ep I looked forward to their releases. Despite VI's rather disappointing storyline.
Ep I sucked and I resented the money spent to see it. Ep II sucked even worse, and I rejoiced in filesharing for having given me the heads up. Ep III will be neither downloaded for preview purpose nor seen at the cinema. I'll probably switch away from it when stumbling over the tripe channel surfing, as I do eps I and II.
That twit won't be getting any more of my money, either.
The way to tell if Dooku is evil:
Check his pad for a Palantir.
If it's got a flaming lidless eye, the Dark Lord has turned him to evil.
These are my friends, See how they glisten. See this one shine, how he smiles in the light.
Shit...and I made a typing error, too. OK, let me have it.
War! What is it good for?
These posts express my own personal views, not those of my employer
The characters have always been named with blatant reference to their looks, their role in the story, or assorted literary allusions. Han Solo the roguish cowboy, Greedo the green criminal, Darth Vader the Dark Father. In a sense, the names are a big element of the story, because they convey additional background for the viewer in what are generally fast-paced movies.
Promote civility: mod down any post starting with 'ummm'.
You're sort of close, but PPG wasn't created by Genndy Tartakovski, it was created by Craig McCracken. Genndy created Dexter's Laboratory, which McCracken also worked on however. Personally, I find that Grievous is more closely related to Samurai Jack anyway, another Tartakovski show.
EPISODE III
REVENGE OF THE SITH
War! The Republic is crumbling
under attacks by the ruthless
Sith Lord. Count Dooku
There are heroes on both sides.
Evil is everywhere
In a stunning move, the
fiendish droid leader, General
Grievous, has swept into the
Republic capital and kidnapped
Chancellor Palpatine, leader of
the Galactic Senate
As the separatist Droid Army
attemts to flee the besieged
captital with their valuable
hostage, two Jedi Knights lead a
desperate mission to rescue the
captive Chancellor....
Perhaps not. "Some fellows need to be hit with a brick. Some fellows you need to hit with a big brick." Martya Koudekelda in Lois McMaster Bujold's "Memory".
English geeks are the worst kind of geeks.
"All I know is what I read in science fiction." It might count for less in that I remember the speech mainly from Sparky's bathtub scene in John Varley's "The Golden Globe." Now that book was an example of ripping off Shakespeare with class!
//Information does not want to be free; it wants to breed.
Wow, and to think, just yesterday I was talking to someone about finding meaning in crappy works where there is in fact no meaning whatsoever.
I completely fucking agree. Knights of the Old Republic was excellent. I mean, the story wasn't the greatest and there were some really fucking far fetched plot devices, but it was an outstanding game. In relation to these "prequels", Bioware came up with a decent story.
Mod the parent up, because he's right on.
And Alderan was really a computer trying to find the question to 42.
Yes... that's why Shakespeare ripped off Plautus for his comedies. Julius Caesar is derived from Plutarch.
"Courage!"
(except that was at the end of the broadcast...)
Super ninja monkeys will one day rule the world!
When dooku reaches out and tells Kenobi this information, I don't think he (Dooku) is confused at all. I think he's purposefully giving the truth (even though it implicates his master) because he knows it will breed doubt in Kenobi's mind, and mistrust.
Or...maybe he's giving Kenobi the truth so they can join forces and overthrow the emporer. (Like Vader's first offer to Luke upon revealing WhosYerDaddy.) I guess these No. 2 baddies are always plotting to become No. 1.
Best. Comment. Ever. Enjoy!
"War. War never changes" would have been much better than a simple "War!"
(cue bad-ass march of the Imterials)
...is Dooku.
(cue deep, airy voice-over guy)
He's coming for you. He's powerful. He's agile. He can twist your teat just by thinking about it.
His name...(cue giant ripping record sound)
They won't even have to rename the parody, I tell you. Jeez.
I'll just say one thing about that link you just provided: It's a trap!
Bill Clinton: Pimp we can believe in. - The Shirt!!!
Um, you are joking right? Since someone modded this 'insightful', it's hard to tell.
..a noble ship of Venice Hath seen a grievous wreck..
Why is 'grievous' capitalized in your quote? It's not a name, it's an adjective, 'grievous' means 'regretful'.
A single common (albeit not as common in modern english) word hardly qualifies as a 'reference' by any stretch of the imagination. And hardly as an unsubtle one.
But if we were to assume it is a reference to the Bard, what makes you think it's a reference to Julius Ceasar?
It could be "Richard II": Old John of Gaunt is grievous sick, my lord or perhaps:
The commons hath he pill'd with grievous taxes..
or "Richard III": By Christ's dear blood shed for our grievous sins.. and also A grievous burden was thy birth to me..
or Sonnet 3: Then can I grieve at grievous foregone..
or "Two Gentlemen of Verona": If lost, why then a grievous labour won..
or "Henry IV": He cannot come, my lord; he is grievous sick.
or "Henry VIII": Heard many grievous, I do say, my lord..
or "Othello":
It's a quite common word.
Given that this is a story of the fall of the Republic and the Rise of the Empire, Lucas' literary allusion here seems to have all of the subtlety of a high-speed halfbrick to the cranium.
So, besides the fact that a single word doesn't qualify as a reference, it's also worth noting that the Shakespeare play 'Julius Caesar' isn't 'the story of the fall of the republic and rise of the empire' at all.
Major Asshole
learn from yesterday, plan for tomorrow, party tonight
or one out of three ain't bad
So you'll be getting it off BitTorrent then?
. . .
:)
forgive me what is likely a dumb question,
i agree models look more convincing. if that really is the case, is there a real cost advantage for CGI? I mean so much of an advantage that actors have to imagine their whole environment which numbs performance because of the intellectual overhead?
As much as you can say about ham - acting in the Trilogy, nothing bored me more than the stultifyingly rigid acting of the prequels to date. I think this is a real byproduct of the CGI environment sets. What i am speculating, albeit wildly, is an analogy with how LOTR was imagined by kids before any film ever came out. I mean, everyone thought differently. So, as so much CGI happens in Post, and actors have only storyboards and sketches to work from, do they compromise by defaulting to a static interpretation, rather than risk being wildly at odds with another's take on the imaginary set? I don't doubt Lucas et.al. have contemplated this at some point in time, but can anyone point me to any public discussion of this issue?
On a less serious note. Imagine this - getting seriously rich only to find out all your toys have dematerialised. That wold make _me_ want to build more models at any rate
or, rather, someone thought it would.
Frankly, I think there's more to it than just "Palpatine" == "Sidious" I think one is a clone of the other... Sidious is a foot shorter and much older than Palpatine...
I'm open to the possibility that Palpatine != Sidious, although I'd be shocked if that were to prove to be the case.
The goal is that the Emperor will have wiped out the Trade Federation, and depleted the Old Republic of it's forces. The Trade Federation will wipe out all means of cloning, the Republic army will wipe out the droid armies, leaving the Emperor's loyalist in charge with no opposition. It's a "classic" plot, but George just doesn't have the writing chops to pull it off like it should be...but it will LOOK cool!
But that's just WAAAAYYYYY too Byzantine a plot for a single movie, or even a series of three movies.
I mean, hell, that's too Byzantine for something encyclopedic, like War and Peace. A movie [or series of movies] can withstand at most about one subplot, and the more you strengthen the subplot, the more the movie becomes unwatchable. Scripts need to be simple, forceful, and to-the-point.
Even a relatively plot-driven movie, like Pulp Fiction [which weighed in at very nearly three hours], had basically one plot [Travolta/Vincent's loyal relationship with Rhames/Marsellus], and one subplot [Willis/Butch's disloyal relationship with Rhames/Marsellus]. If Tarantino had tried to throw in some further twist, such as Rhames/Marcellus playing off Travolta/Vincent against Willis/Butch in some sort of a Machiavellian uber-text, then the whole thing would have become unwatchable.
Besides, I like my idea of the Jedi's arrogance being their downfall [and Yoda certainly has become one damned arrogant little muppet in these prequels]. Furthermore, introducing Machiavellian themes into Star Wars ruins the appeal of its original premise, which was that it purported to be nothing more than a simple tale of an epic battle between the forces of good and the forces of evil.
It's the turtle wax, man.
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.