Slashdot Mirror
California Man Sues Penis-Enlargment Firms
Ronin writes "The DenverPost reports that 'A California man on Thursday sued a slew of international companies, including a Greeley distributor, alleging the penis-enlargement products they market and distribute do not work.' One of the highlights of the article is when the man says "I was wondering for a long time why no one has gotten around to suing these penis-enlargement guys, because it seems like a pretty blatant ... fraud." Probably cause people are too embarrased to say they've tried it."
It would be nice if at least the headline and the summary matched.
These things prey on people's desperation and feelings of inadequacy. I mean really, even a tiny dude can score if his head game is good.
I was wondering for a long time why no one has gotten around to suing these penis-enlargement guys, because it seems like a pretty blatant ... fraud.
Because they'd rather swallow their monetary losses than admit before a court that they have a small dick?
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" - Ogden Nash
Perhaps this will convince those spammers, that not everybody is stupid enough to buy their snake-oil. If they keep losing money from lawsuits, maybe they'll just crawl back in their holes and rot.
Hey! come on! try dividing it by anything!
It IS about time someone did this, what a freakin' scam this is...not that I tried it or anything like that :(
Boycott everything - they're all trying to fuck you one way or another
Perhaps one of the reasons is because many times it's hard to track down the guys actually this shit? If most of the time people can't even catch the spammers themselves, how can a simple guy who wants to make his penis grow find someone who's probably went to great lengths to mask their identity?
As silly as it sounds, if some people who've been duped could get a class action lawsuit going, they could simultaneously go after spammers.
...at first I read that as "Denver Man Sues Penis-Enlargement Farms".
FLR
A California man on Thursday sued a slew of international companies, including a Greeley distributor, alleging the penis-enlargement products they market and distribute do not work.
And the judge replied: "Duh, fucknut. Get out of my courtroom."
----
"Ours was a free culture. It is becoming much less so."-Lawrence Lessig
If I weren't such nerd hanging out on Slashdot all the time I might even get some chicks.
If your penis doesn't enlarge when you rub cream on it, maybe you're buying the wrong product.
If his lawsuit is successful and these penis-enlargement companies get put out of business, my inbox should become considerably less cluttered.
I am Sartre of the Borg. Existence is futile.
Takes some balls to do that..
;)
Gonna be a hard case to win mind
(That took far too much effort.. Must touch up on my wang referencing skills)
fortune -o
seems pretty uncontextual to me... does it have to do with linux? computers? bsd? or. what?
sigh.
"Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." -Jesus Christ The Lord's Prayer
Man, do we really want to know about this guys life??
I mean, why not just go switch on the telly and watch some reruns of neighbours.
penis-enlargement products
Now imagine a beowulf cluster of...
Um. What was this Natalie Portman joke?
I'll testify against that guy any day! My penis grew to 7 feet, just as promised! You should see the look on those animal's faces. :P
---- I'll take you in a Hunt deathmatch any day.
I'm amazed that they got a million people to sign onto the class action suit. Essentially that means 1,000,000 men are willing to stand up and say "hi, I have an abnormally small penis AND I was stupid enough to respond to spam".
1) advertise for sexual products of the kinky kind ...
2) charge $3 for the product
3) never deliver
4) when customer complains, mail a check for $3 with bold letters saying "RETURN FOR HUGE ANAL DILDO"
5) customer never has the courage to cash the check
6)
7) Profit !!
Who is this Karma guy and why is he bad ??
The DenverPost reports that 'A California man on Thursday sued a slew of international companies, including a Greeley distributor, alleging the penis-enlargement products they market and distribute do not work
...
I hope he doesn't plan on paying his lawyers with the money he's waiting for from his business associate and dear friend, Dr. Adelawe Johnson in Lago, Nigeria
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" - Ogden Nash
Man launches case against spammers after learning that Hot Lesbian Teens Do Not Want His Throbbing Cock Right Now!
Bancroft wrote that nothing other than testosterone can increase penis size.
hmm wonder if you can sell testosterone?
(This Sort of Thing Is My Bag, Baby)
.
.
.
by
Austin
Powers
that this gives a whole new meaning to the idea of being "pissed".
C|N>K
Wonder if calling him a Big Dick qualifies as Affirmative Defense
Help fight continental drift.
Up next. Woman sues penish enlargment pill seller for making her boyfriend's penis too large. Their response, "Why should my client be responsible if her eyes are bigger than her ..."
Fight Spammers!
... this hasn't been done before. More specifically, I wonder why a woman hasn't already devised a class action sexual harassment suit built around penis enlargement or viagra spam.
"Obviously, I'm not an IBM computer any more than I'm an ashtray" (Bob Dylan)
Too many jokes... must resist...
Free XBox, PS2
If we allwent out, suing and legally harassing these sam firms at each and every opportunity, we'd get somewhere. I have made it my personal goal to chase the bastards down on each opportuinty I get. Where I live, spam is in effect illegal and I have gotten four (4) spams from Norwegian companies since my main email address went up some six years ago. All of them were reported to the state consumer ombudsman (what you don't have one?) Three of them have resulted in reprimandes and none of them repeated the offence.
Get down from you high horses and start the hand to hand combat!
LOL! i guess he got to know that empirically. kinda embarrasing going to court with the evidence, don't you think?? :P
...from what I've read, a woman's vagina only has sensitivity in the first 3.75 inches, so big wang dang doodles don't really make a difference. However, if your cirumference is less than 3.75", you're measuring in at less than the necessary width to apply pressure to the walls of the vagina, and you might as well just stick it in the mud, 'cause its not going to do any good. So, really, wangular width is whats important.
1. Get the spamming community to use linux.
2. SCO sues spammers on copyright charges, drains spammers of funds.
3. Spammers destroy SCO's site permantly.
Steve
Sometimes I lose faith in Slashdot, and then a little gem like this story comes along to keep me going through the night.
Buy Steampunk Clothing Online!
Well done for having the gaul to go through with this and just remember...
Its not the size of your out of court settlement, its what you do with it that counts.
Yeah, you might have grabbed the Ben-Gay by mistake.
Rob Malda.
The field of anthropology facinates me... In one of the texts that I read, I found mention to the Topinama tribe of Brazil. These people lived as they were until the 16th century, and had a very interesting practice. The men would have a local venomous snake bite their penises, and after six months of mind-altering agony, their shlongs had become very long. Now, what I want to know is how this happened (and what type of snake was used)?
3 degrees of separation from Vladimir Putin
They do work my penis is up to 2 inches(5.08 cm).
Yours Truly,
Darl McBride
SCO Group
Veramocor
I don't think I'd want to buy a "Certified Pre-Owned / Factory Repack" one of these gadgets. I certainly hope they throw their returns away!
From the article:
The lawsuit, filed in U.S. District Court in Denver, seeks class-action status to represent an estimated 1 million people who ordered the products in response to advertisements on television, radio and spam e-mail.
I'd like to know how they arrived at this estimate of 1 million customers. How are the damages (after the lawyers' fee) to be distributed? Equally among all these people? How did the plaintiff learn their identities?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
> Become 10 times the man you are,
> increase your length by two inches!
Let's see, two divided by ten ... hey, I'm feeling offended!
i wonder if spammers can get away with the lawsuits if they include such disclaimer? after all, no two natural things are the same.
i grow cucumbers at home, and the seed package says "colour and length may vary from pictured".
This was a shiny dollar bill on the ground waiting to be picked up, and it didn't occur to anybody to do it. I mean, the claims being made are pretty blatantly falsifiable. Take someone's money and make their penis longer? How hard is it really to verify to the satisfaction of a court that these claims are fraudulent? This is blatant fraud, relying on the fact that nobody wants to file a suit on behalf of guys with small penises who respond to spam. This guy obviously doesn't care what anyone thinks of him and I can really respect that.
I have a question for all you Slashdot lawyers, who are always good for some creative interpretation of the law. Is it possible for me to form and sue on behalf of a class, and name another class as the defendant? Specifically, I would like to sue on behalf of everyone who has received a penis-enlargement spam and did not respond to it, and I would seek damages against the class of individuals who received this spam and did respond to it. And I would specifically like to include in my definition of this latter class those individuals who seek relief in this case, so that I can place a lien on any judgments squeezed out of Ron "Hedgehog" Jeremy for failing to lengthen the members of this class as promised. Part of that money is required to cover my email deletion charges.
If he can be in both Denver and California at the same time.
R3AL V@GINAL SHRINKING CREAM!
Men! Do your wives complain that your manhood just doesn't measure up? Slip your woman some VSC and in two to three weeks your woman will be wondering what she was complaining about!
SIZE DOES MATTER!
beowulf289028344street12
A winner is you!
As some that read the news might say, "No shit, Sherlock."
If he's clueless, at least he should read the news, no?
Information: "I want to be anthropomorphized"
It appears to me that people who are stupid (and insecure, but mainly just stupid) enough to buy these products seem for some reason unable to resist the persuasive tactics of modern marketing. Surely logically, the demographic spending money on such obviously fake products must waste vast amount of money on anything which appears in a slick television commercial, created by intelligent advertising execs who can speak English.
I suspect that even if penis enlargement pills and suchlike are taken off the market, those that will buy such products will simply spend their money on something else that they neither really want nor need (diet pills, viagra, naked teens in their email etc.) Although the advertisers are clearly doing wrong in this case, and suing them is a good course of action, this may not really help matter in the long term. There have always been products on the market whose effectiveness is dubious at best, and are often even harmful, yet some people clearly continue to purchase them. Perhaps the answer could be stricter controls over what products are allowed to be advertised at all. The crazy extreme alternative of course, is to take money away from the stupid people, but with adverts for personal loans and debt consolidation every five minutes during our mind-numbing daytime TV schedules, it seems unlikely that this will happen any time soon.
Food for thought, in any case.
Well, if you are stupid enough to believe that a PILL can enlarge your penis, your deserve to get ripped off. Otherwise, if you bought a pill to give you an erection and it did not work, then you would have a reason to be pist (figuratively, not literally, I mean.....) :)
"Jeremy, you need to get to an internet cafe and cut and paste some appropriate sentiments about me from the world wide
Suing over spam has happened before. See here and here.
I hope this becomes a trend, so spammers become discouraged, and find other means of living, like drycleaning or cemetery watchmen.
This guy might have a small penis but he does have big balls!
Excellent. I'm hoping it'll be easy to get a list of the people involved in the class action. Those are those jerks who have been encouraging spammers by replying to junk email. Get 'em!
Al Qaeda has ninjas!
it won't be long now...
Penis enlargement firm?
Heh, he said..."firm".
4. People make worms and viruses for linux, linux quickly becomes most hated OS by slashdot members.
There have been over a hundred comments, but no testimonials bragging about how great that stuff worked for them.
Come on, please share!
I've found it works pretty well for me. (Proof available on request.)
What is he going to do, drop his trousers for the judge?
I don't think this didn't happen before because people were to embarassed to admit they tried it, rather they were to embarrassed to admit that they were that gullible.
Wow. Stupidity actually *IS* more common than Hydrogen.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
Say it loudly, and proudly:
It's not the size of the dick,
BUT THE LENGTH OF THE TONGUE!
How do you prove that your penis is the same size after treatment? Well, you have to have a before and after shot. To paraphrase "Red Dwarf"
Is it normal?
What? Taking photos of it and showing them to your friends? No, it's not.
Or you could have a material witness. Considering he is using the stuff I think it highly unlikely that there are many of those around.
You call me a pedant? I prefer the term "correct"
Problem is, most of Darl's friends are probably spammers. Of course, that probably wouldn't stop him from suing them and them from seeking revenge on him. Professional ethics or, should I say, a lack thereof.
And even if you do have a small weener, would you really buy an "herbal supplament" for the problem?
I guess people really will buy anything if you get your message across to enough people of the correct (i.e. low) intelligence.
There must be thousands of cops, feds and all kinds of law enforcement people getting this kind of spam every fucking day.
Don't they have an obligation to do something about this kind of fraud when they see it in their own mailboxes?
Why is it constantly up to civilians to take action against fraud committed via the internet when it's happening in plain view for everybody to see, including al kinds of law enforcement people?
An oldie, but goody:
After a long makeout session, a man and his girlfriend are about to have sex for the first time. Dude starts undressing, shoes and socks come off first, and the girl asks: "What happened to your feet? They're all messed up!"
Guy says, "As a kid, I had tolio".
She shrugs it off, but when the pants come off, well, there's something odd there, too. The guy notices the look on her face, and says, "As a kid, I had the kneesles".
The rest of the clothes come off. When the girl sees his package, she gets exasperated and says, "Let me guess, smallcocks, right?"
Not that I've tried them, however, I was taking zinc supplements among other things for body building. Zinc is a precursor to testosterone, and when you take zinc supplements, it increases your production of it. One of the things I noticed, and my girlfriend noticed, that it seemed bigger. It doesn't actually increase the size of it persay, but the added testosterone in your body makes you have much firmer erections. Like, we're talking rock hard, morning wood type erections, any time of the day.
Penis enlargement pills are mostly zinc compounds. When you stop taking the zinc supplements, the effect will be gone also.
But, "add 2 inches in 30 days"??!?! Maybe if your erections are not that hard to begin with. Sometimes when I'm not that hard, but still enough to have sex, it's still around 6". But when I get really hard, it's more like 7.5-8. I'm not exaggerating, I'm posing anonymously so I have nothing to prove here. But even at 7.5-8 inches, if there was a pill that would magically add a couple of inches, I'd buy it. So it's not just guys w/ small penises buying this stuff, it's all guys. Guys have a fascination with having a huge dick.
This guy tried a penis enlargement pill and blogged about it. Take a look at his conclusion.
I meta-mod all positive moderation Unfair, because it's abuse of the system.
Advanced Botanicals Inc's contact page can be found here. They're listed on this page as having different products refused entry to the US for false labelling.
Carousel is a lie!
Lawyer: So how can you prove it doesn't work? Man: (Drops pants) Lawyer: I see...
Creative Demolition
a guy and his newlywed wife are on their honeymoon, getting ready to have sex for the first time.
before getting any further, the guy warns his wife: "i just want to let you know, i'm like a baby down there."
the wife responds: "it's okay. i love you no matter what."
the man then takes off his clothes and the wife falls off the bed and exclaims: "i thought you said you were like a baby down there!"
he responds: "i am. it's 12" long and weighs 9 pounds."
dumbass. if you want to sling around the homophobic comments, why cant the other guy?
I was wondering when Austin Powers would finally sue.
my guess this is: ...stuff that matters?
-- Free software on every PC on every desk
fucking loser
FIRM
Get it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ok...not that funny.
See, when Ben-Gay is applied, it causes a tingling numbness sensation. If it were applied to the penis, you would lose feeling. If you can't feel your penis, you'd probably won't get it up.
I hate having the urge to explain things to trolls, but it's a weakness I have to live with. Every day is a struggle.
I can hear the woman crying where do I sign up for some money from this lawsuit??
Right after his honey moon, Bill Gates' wife tells him: "Now I understand why is it called Microsoft".
"There is no teacher but the enemy."-Mazer Rackham
IANAL, but from what I know, every lawsuit has to have a cause of action. That is, someone or a group of people has to do something wrong to you that you can sue for. The people who respond to an ad aren't doing anything illegal nor are they the people who are sending you advertisements. As for suing spammers, you may as well try and sue companies that advertise on TV, magazines, etc... for wasting your time.
21" would be more accurate. :-)
but it figures that penis enlargement schemes would be news for nerds. Desperation trumps common sense.
Did this actually happen, or was is just a line in "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels"?
Excellent film by the way.
excellent job dude - THANKS !!!! LOL
Lock Stock just recycled the idea. The cam probably wouldn't even be that successful these days as banks are more faceless. In the old days when you actually had to queue up and physically hand the check to a girl at the counter it would be much more intimidating than simply shoving it in a hole in the wall for some unknown person to deal with.
Boffoonery - downloadable Comedy Benefit for Bletchley Park
Judging by past class action suits, about $10.00 per member of the class. And a few million each for the lawyers.
So every woman in Denver will know that this guy has a small cock, AND no money!
Why is he doing this, again?
until some doc at Johns Hopkins discovers stem cells for penis then we'll see who's bigger
In practice, many, many natural statistics are normally distributed, and it would be a reasonable guess that penis length is. Therefore, the mean and the median will be the same.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
--Andy Finkel (J. Klass?)
From a social engineering point of view, selling penis enlargement pills can bring a very limited amount of loss. Just imagine, you are a guy who is concerned about his manhood. You buy tons of expensive pills to find out that none of them work. Would you advertise it to the rest of the world? Would you have enough balls to tell a sweet young lady on the other side of the phone that your penis is still small despite that four hundred dollars that you have spent in the past six months? Probably not.
Additionally, you cannot argue when it comes to shady products such as penis enlargement and dieting pills. Usually when you get those items, you get many disclosures that state "Not approved by FDA" and "results may vary." How are you going to argue against that? If you do not believe me, go to any GNC store and get a bottle of any *magic* pills that promise to turn you into a pro-bodybuilder with an eleven-inch manhood. Then read what it says on the bottle... then, if you dare, go and use it. Then go and complain about your results if you find them to be unsatisfactory. At best, everybody is going to laugh at you.
Damn it, they don't work!!
I Was looking forward to buying Mega Doses of Penis Enlarger treatments for Darl's Cellmate when he lands in the pound-me-in-the-ass prison!
Quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit, occidentis telum est
trouser snake-oil
Gets in and out, and she never knows he was there.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
my Penis Handheld just went open source!
To-do List: Receive telemarketing call during a tornado warning. Check.
Well, he may have a little penis, but I guess he has big balls.
I'd like to mod "+1 Funny" the user who modded this post "+1 Interesting"
The IT section color scheme sucks.
I wonder how he's going to prove this in court. Did he take a before and after picture or something?
in girum imus nocte et consumimur igni
Psychic hotlines been doing that for years.
OTOH, I've heard those penis pumps (with prolonged use) actually do make your penis slightly larger, but that they also turn it into a big numb sausage hardly fit for peeing out of, never mind sex.
They say the first thing to go is your penis. Well, it's either that or your brain. I forget which...
In particular, Finbarr Saunders (and his double entendres). If you have no idea what I'm talking about, FIND OUT!!! You'll be glad you did ;-)
Denver Man Sues Penis-Enlargment Firms
A California man on Thursday sued
I know the answer, but what happened to editorial review of titles and articles?
Appended to the end of comments you post. 120 chars.
It's how you use it...
To which the ladies reply, "Yeah, right."
We apologise for the fault in this post. Those responsible have been sacked. -- Signed RICHARD M. NIXON
I mean really, even a tiny dude can score if his head game is good.
That's a lie and you know it. Even if he manages to find a woman drunk and/or stupid enough, he won't get any repeat business unless he's got lots and lots of cash. Even then, she will cheat on him every chance she gets.
These things prey on people's desperation and feelings of inadequacy. I mean really, even a tiny dude can score if his head game is good.
People like you and "California man" mess it up for the rest of us. Doesn't work...HAH! I went from 6 inches to over 15 cm. in just under a year. . . . sarcasm
Astroturf.
Yeah ok I used it. It didn't make my penis any bigger, but my hands are now huge.
In the Slashdot moderating system, humourless based offenses are considered especially heinous.
There was something several years ago about a company with a money back offer if you weren't pleased with their porn / product (I forget which) and they issued a check from something like "Anal Rape and Masturbation company" and they made a bunch of money because everyone was too embarassed to cash the check. I think it might have even been on Slashdot.
Am I the only male reader of slashdot who takes offence at the implication that "Penis Enlargement Pills Do Not work" (and now someone has sued alleging fraud) is actually in any way relevant "stuff that matters" to me?
Just because I'm a geek of the highest order and a frequent slashdot poster doesn't mean I'm any less of a man (the fact that I don't have a girlfriend is neither here not there).
Visit CryptoGnome in his home.
...for increasing the amount of Spam I receive by actually ordering something in response to Spam. I can't believe anyone here is actually rooting for this guy. Maybe I should order that $39 copy of Photoshop and then sue the sellers when I don't get an authentic copy.
666-607: 6th floor apartment of the beast
..norwegian spammers aren't all too bright either, or well depending on how you look at it. Every Norwegian spam (or at least every one in Norwegian, 2-3 or so) has been directly from Norwegian servers with a clear and tracable path.
The day I start getting SPAM in Norwegian "from" China, is the day I worry. Then the advertised firm will claim innocents and outsourcing it to a third party in a foreign country, I'm not so sure how effective the anti-spam laws will be. Time will tell....
Kjella
Live today, because you never know what tomorrow brings
But since the penis size probably follows a normal distribution, 50% are below the average.
What a silly slashdot category for this article- it really needs to be in the humor section.
"The California man paid $160 for an order of VigRx Oil after receiving an unsolicited e-mail touting the product, according to his declaration." Wow. Are you kidding me? No, seriously. He just thought sending off $160 to someone he had gotten an unsolicited email was a GOOD idea? If this is the case, spam will NEVER die.
The Kinsey Institute for Sex, Gender and Reproduction is located at Indiana University, not the University of Indiana.
1. Your penis is small.
2. You thought LONGitude was a worthy investment towards solving #1
3. Your penis is still small.
4. You are fscking cheap and willing to swallow the embarassment of admitting all of the above just to reclaim your sixty bucks, even tho any male with one drop of self respect would simply forget the 60 bucks to save himself the embarassment of admitting that he is stupid, cheap and has a small dick.
- Taco
Etiquette is etiquette. He kills his mother but he can't wear grey trousers.
The vaginal opening in a petite woman varies in size and depth. And that goes with any woman regardless of size mind you.
Same thing applies to men. Even the shortest, skinniest man can be well endowed.
Life is not for the lazy.
yep
...and keep in mind that this is about as unofficial a statistic as you can get, given that it was given as the "out-of-the-blue questionaire" for an underground newspaper (readme) at Carnegie Mellon University. The sample size is probably quite small as well.
Anyway, the questionaire showed that, at least in terms of conscious sexual appeal, a pretty large proportion of women interviewed on campus found large penis girth to be significantly more highly valued than long penis length.
This matches up with the claim here. I suppose there's probably someone that's done serious studies in this field, given the marketing power of sex.
May we never see th
So I see this story, juxtaposed next to the latest
Someone clearly has a sense of humour...
-- This
Back in my day when you had a small penis, you bought a Corvette, or collected big rifles and pistols
... and the less said about the endowment of those who drive Hummers, the better ...
Nowadays, some folks fearful of modern snake oils content themselves with their SUVs de jour
The Future of Human Evolution: Autonomy
It's probably open sores.
Infuriate left and right
This is a picture of my penis before the treatment and this is a picture of it now! Gasp!
I don't know if this will be a big story or not.
Hmmm, apparently Norwegian law has some teeth. Where can I, a Dutch citizen, file a lawsuit against a US based spammer who advertises a web site in China with a French domain registrar, spammed through a hacked cable modem in Germany, if the product is shipped from Canada? Do I just call Oslo directory information and ask for the spam court?
Oh, and in case you wondered, I wrote to all of the ISP's involved and got zero cooperation from any of them, so tying the US based spammer to a specific violation of Norwegian law might pose some... issues.
Bert Driehuis -- All I asked was a friggin' rotatin' chair. Throw me a bone here, people.
Quite a while ago I posted a comment to a spam article about trusting to buy from spammers, asking "Who would put in their mouth and swallow something from a spammer."
Well, it's old news (Haven't seen an opportunity to post this since then) but I was more correct in asking this than I had imagined.
Well, it turns out some folks at the Wall Street Journal did a laboratory study of these pills, and "analysis of a composite sample of 10 Performance Marketing pills and turned up significant levels of E. coli, yeast, mold, lead and pesticide residues."
So among other nasties, there is a significant amount of fecal matter in these pills.
I'm actually suprised this isn't bigger news.
Maybe we should all put it in our signature files until the spammers go away: "Penis Pills have Poop in them!"
Maybe some idiot that is stupid enough to buy from a spammer will die of E. coli and get a Darwin Award. Those sure get forwarded around a lot. Even my mom forwarded me the nominations for the 2003 Darwin Awards. (Which suprised me.)
Maybe I should submit it for a Front Page story, but it was originally reported on August 13, 2003.
This signature used to contain a cute kitty virus with ansii art. Please set the slashdot editors on fire. Thank you
Someone standing up for the little guy....
How's the plaintiff going to prove it didn't work? Did he have an independent party measure him before he started with the product? And afterward? Erect?
I did a little Googling, and found several references to "Technipak" in Greeley Colorado. Most were folks like www.pheromones-attract-women.com who state something like "discreetly shipped in a plain package with a shipping label from Technipak Delivery Service"
The corporate website
Looks like they're a full service order fulfillment company. It'll probably be easy enough for them to claim "reasonable ignorance" if they're just doing the order fulfillment. It might be more difficult to make those claims if they're doing website maintenance, customer service and raw materials procurement. Either way, they're probably the wrong folks to go after with accusations of fraud. Going after the international businesses won't be easy either. I hope Mr. Horton has enough financial backing to pursue it, 'cause it ain't gonna be cheap.
Ive been rubbing that vig Oil on my thingie for months.....nothing...still have a 1 inch slong.
But my hand is HUGE!
This should be a class action suit!
Uh, for all the other people that ordered that stuff, too.
They were selling PILLS to make your snake bigger.
paintball
Because of an experience I had with a girl under less than ideal circumstances, there are some unflattering (and mostly false) rumors going around a certain circle regarding my anatomy. I was at first a bit dismayed to discover this, until I was informed by a friend of hers that the publicity is actually good for me, since her friends take the rumor with a grain of salt, and are curious to determine its truth personally.
Posted anonymously, for very obvious reasons.
"No reasonable person could have believed that these advertisements were true."
paintball
I am not sure about the products advertised in the spam. But, reading through all the different forums on the internet, it seems clear that something is successfully turning men into dicks and women into boobs.
Just one of Timothy's personal grudges.
paintball
whoops, didn't RTFA. It IS a class action...
When a suit gets class action status, everyone who meets the criteria is *AUTOMATICALLY* included in the class unless they SPECIFICALLY elect not to be.
That's why you see all them class action and settlement notices in big papers and the like - legal requirement to "get the word out" so people in the class have a "reasonable" opportunity to remove themselves and thus preserve their ability to sue on their own.
paintball
If this suit succeeds, then one of the staple items of spam content potentially disappears.
On the other hand, one million (according to the article) dumbasses are rewarded for their bad judgement. It's likely they'll continue to think there's nothing at all wrong from purchasing junk from a spammer--if not penis pills, then something else just as shady.
Those who can, do. Those who can't, write technology blogs.
nobody is going to be flirting with Denver Man during this trial.
Table-ized A.I.
Most natural statistics are artificially distributed there.
paintball
> But since the penis size probably follows a normal distribution, 50% are below the average.
probably is the operative word there. How many studies have been done on penis size? My guess: none, although I believe Kinsey named an average size but I've no idea what his methodology was.
If any studies had been done wouldn't you just get the guys with the big todgers showing up for the study and the little guys staying at home, hence skewing the results?
Average penis size looks like it might remain a mystery and lets not even get into measurements being taken when the aforementioned member is flaccid or...ahem...aroused
So trying to sell penis pills/potions by telling somebody they are smaller than average doesn't make sense because the mean is unknown (and probably unknowable).
The Machine stops.
Well, if you are stupid enough to believe that a PILL can enlarge your penis...
That all depends on where you put the pills and how big they are.
paintball
Are you saying that this Bud Light isn't going to get tremendously hot women to talk to me?
If so, I can tell you from personal experience that you're wrong. The more Bud Lights I have, the better the women that talk to me look.
paintball
I have responded to all of the spam in my inbox over the past few years.
I have four thousand, two hundred and fifteen higher education degrees.
Sir Edmund Hillary wants to climb my boobs.
And between all the penis enlargement and viagra spam, I'm so long and perpetually hard that NASA wants to use my dong as a space elevator.
-JDF
A lot of these junk products remain legal because they very narrowly escape making outright false claims. My local radio stations are currently inundated with "star registry" commercials in time for V-day. The particular company claims that "the star name is registered in book form in the U.S. Copyright Office." Very clever. Name-dropping a government agency gives their claim an appearance of legitimacy, when in fact all they are doing is taking your $50 and writing down someone's name in a book. Hell, I can do that for $25. Another product claims to regrow hair, and "is so effective that it was awarded a patent." The truth, of course, is that a patent only says a particular party has claim to an idea or method, not that the idea or method actually does something useful.
My personal favorites are the suggested-physician scam products. These companies try to suggest that a doctor is/was involved with the product, and we are supposed to make the mental leap that this means the product has been proven to work through rigorous medical trials. The cheapest scammers use the words "doctor" or "physician" in the product name. Next are the doctors that speak to you on television, but hold a doctorate in some totally unrelated field (most likely business). Some of these guys manage to get a real M.D., but he only says something like "I use it", or perhaps "it worked for me", which really isn't making any legally-binding promises.
But, scammers can claim damn near anything they want, as long as they can make you keep it for [at most] 30 days, they have your money and you can't do a thing about it. (I love it when they claim a 60 or 90 day "guaranteed" refund -- as if they are required by law to honor that) The only thing the scammers have to worry about is if the product hurts you, so it's in their best interest that the product does nothing at all.
Fred
"A fool and his freedom are soon parted"
-RMS
Bill Gates wife on first encounter with him.
" Now I know why you call your company Micro Soft "
--
If Microsoft is the solution, I want my problems back
They can have the sandwich. It wasn't very good to begin with, anyway.
I must find it amusing that someone actually believed the claims these companies were making. :)
GJC
Gregory Casamento
## Chief Maintainer for GNUstep
...that there's a big OSDN Personals ad at the top of the comments on this article?
May I suggest using the money to buy mega cartons of Marlboros for Darl's cellmate when he lands in Pound-Me-In-the-Ass prison? While you're at it, make sure to mention that you're a "friend" of Darl's and it'd be such a "shame" if anything "unpleasant" happened to him...
:)
Given that Darl is bound to wind up married to the man with the most cigarettes, the trick is to make sure the right man (or in this case, the most "oh dear Lord have mercy God NOOOOOOOOOO!" man) has the most cigarettes.
Cigarettes: Viagra for the penal system!
Hello,
I'm eager to join this very intellectual thread on the male anatomy, but first I need to know how the penis came to be known as "DICK".
I am always forced to look down whenever I meet a person whose name is "Dick". Is that why?
I ordered a penis enlargement system. It consisted of a 3 pound weight, string, and a fish hook. I ended up having to get a tetanus shot and nobody will stand next to me at the urinal. This has become utterly humiliating.
Why would they have small penes? Why not normal guys who want a bigger dick?
We also feel cheated out of a useful legal system because of sue-happy jack asses such as yourself.
This guy is a real treasure.
Is this really Expanding a Geeks Head..? No pun intended..(ok, yes it is..)) Being a faithful follower & reader of '/.' , this subject here just don't feel right. Is this is a place for 'News for Nerds / Stuff that Matters' or a place for 'Fiends w/ little Wienies / Stuff that Splatters'. Times a changin'~..
...from what I've read, a woman's vagina only has sensitivity in the first 3.75 inches, so big wang dang doodles don't really make a difference.
That's just something little people say to make themselves feel better.
(Common sense though, a girl *can* tell if you're hitting the back. It's not like there's an infinate amount of space in there.)
Yes, but will his evidence stand up in court?
"You saved 1968." - Ms. Valerie Pringle to the crew of Apollo 8
Also with the lawsuit, Corsello filed a written declaration from John H.J. Bancroft, a doctor at the Kinsey Institute for Sex, Gender and Reproduction at the University of Indiana. Bancroft wrote that nothing other than testosterone can increase penis size.
:)
And you know what natural product contains most testosterone?
MARE URINE!
Yum
They don't call them SUPs for nothing, you know... That's "Sport Utility Penis".
Slashdotters have small penises and they have tried these products, but this guy is the first among them to voice their collective anger at the penis enlargement products not working.
You can see an example of this here:
http://www.cmdrtaco.net/rants/penis.shtml
One of the highlights of the article is when the man says "I was wondering for a long time why no one has gotten around to suing these penis-enlargement guys, because it seems like a pretty blatant ... fraud."
The defense is gonna claim the cocky bastard's gotta lot of balls to sue, so something must have worked.
(May Newton stop spinning in his grave)
1) The angle of the dangle is proportional to the lust for the bust.
2) The mass of the ass is proportional to the sag of the bag.
3) Motion produces lotion.
Does this mean I can sue /. for fraud for claiming to be about "stuff that matters?"
According to this reliable site no penis enlargement system works but theirs.
They wouldn't lie, would they ? After all, it's written on the web, so it must be true.
-
Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, find / -name '*base*' |xargs chown -R us && mv zig greatjustice
He apparently bought the penis enlargement cream from an unsolicited email.
I think I'll sue him for being responsible for spam companies continuing existence.
Without guys like him, there wouldn't be any spam...
I stand corrected. Thank you for pointing that out!
No Inflation Taxation without Representation
I sure would like to enlarge the title of this story by one letter!
I used to work for NextCard Visa and one time I got a call from someone disputing a charge on their bill.
It was a pretty cryptic iBillCS.com charge or something, so I asked what it was. He said it was an e-mail for penis enlargement he got. So I asked if they billed him without his permission or got his account information somehow, but he said nope... he ordered the penis enlargement but it just didn't work.
So I sent him his dispute form.
But I put the guy immediately on hold and called everyone on my team over to look at my screen and see what this guy was disputing. Everyone had a good laugh.
So I guess some people are shameless and admit to it, anyway.
neither is important the only thing that matters is that you're in love and if that's true then she'll enjoy herself no matter what and maybe if you swing your small axe very well or the motion in the puddle is pleasing it helps some but really its all just myth women don't care lalalalalalalalalalalalal i'm not listening lalalalalalalalala
This is a first time in awhile that a comments section in Slashdot has had enough spunk to cause me to spit a load of Mountain Dew all over my nice flatscreen monitor. You tools should be ashamed.
Well, now that my monitor is clean, it's time to go back to repling to the e-mail from the grammatically challenged lesbian teen to see how I can "make women gasp when pants go down".
Eastern esoteric traditions that are not requiring celibacy (such as Tantric or Daoist) have special techniques for women that teach them how to use their vaginal muscles properly.
h tml
One uses little vaginal balls to do the training, and the results are that they have not only more plesure for themselves and their men, but also have less problems during childbirth and better tonus. As the result of this training, these women can become satisfied with smaller dicks among other things.
You can find the techniques in this book: http://www.universal-tao.com/amazon/healing_love.
Tigers respect lions, elephants and hippos. Maggots respect no one. (C) S. Dovlatov
"Denver Man Sues Penis-Enlargment Firms"
..."
"The Denver Post reports that 'A California man on Thursday sued a slew of
What they had done is set up their own business, buying the cheques off the original recipients at reduced value (eg. buy a 15 cheque for a tenner).
The geezers would turn up with a handful of cheques, all signed on the back by the real recipients, and deposit them.
It doesn't work now, as the society only accepts cheques that are account payee only.
I'm just hoping that the trial won't involve rulers at all...
Talking about suing is all very well but the man's still going to have to see if it stands up in court.
Give them the Slashdot effect? ;)
From an online poll
Erect Penis Size Survey
3.0 - 3.5 inches 2.2%
3.5 - 4.0 inches 1.8%
4.0 - 4.5 inches 3.3%
4.5 - 5.0 inches 6.2%
5.0 - 5.5 inches 12.1%
5.5 - 6.0 inches 21.4%
6.0 - 6.5 inches 18.9%
6.5 - 7.0 inches 13.3%
7.0 - 7.5 inches 8.9%
7.5 - 8.0 inches 4.7%
8.0 - 8.5 inches 2.4%
8.5 and above 4.2%
Total Votes: 328792
Even the ones hawking these things tell you that the average size for a human is something like 6.1 inches. And that the vast majority of humans have "only" that size.
So basically guess what? Anyone who "only" has 6 inches -- or is within, say, +/- 10% of that -- is just a perfectly normal member of the human species.
Why, in Odin's name, would anyone feel desperate and inadequate for being perfectly normal? WTH? Since when it's inadequate to _not_ be a mutant?
I mean, what next? Spam for pills to grow a 6'th finger on your hands? Or to grow an elephant trunk instead of a nose? Or to grow a giraffe neck?
The whole thing seems stupid beyond belief to me.
A polar bear is a cartesian bear after a coordinate transform.
"...Ok, that'll do for the moment."
For twenty-five cents more. You can supersize that.
"Probably cause people are too embarrased to say they've tried it."
Um, no. Embarrasing is whipping out what you presently have, and going "You should have seen it before the pills.".
Greeley has the best feedlots in the midwest, they have years of experience in fattening them heffers up So someone finally caught on to those guys selling the cow steroids out the back door of Monforts .. heh ... there goes my *enlargement* supply :(
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
"Woman sues penish enlargment pill seller for making her boyfriend's penis too large."
No wonder your hands are sore.
Or is that contempt of court?
----------------------------------- My Other Sig Is Hilarious -----------------------------------
I have a 1.1 Litre Citroen Saxo (small shopping cart of a car)
it takes time and dedication, but has a lot more potential (and it's free):
o fsize.com
http://www.cheekycherry.com
http://www.matters
What I don't understand is why anyone would want this product in the first place. Nature, generally speaking, is proportional in dimension. So a 6ft guy should have a longer penis than a 5 ft guy. Anything outside that, ie. a 5 ft guy with a 9 inch penis, should be looked at as abnormal. Now because we place so much emphasis on performance in all aspects of our lives (0-60 times for cars, drive seek speeds for disk drives, etc..) we want a big penis because we believe this will enhance our performance. A better idea would be to become a master of cunnilingus or read some of your girls romance novels to see what they think is exciting. Then use that information to enhance your performance. But what else can you expect from a morally bankrupt society where 13 year olds are getting breast implants and liposuction to make them look older than they really are. Or where their idols are Britany and Christina. Guy's are just catching up to women in the vanity department, what with pec implants and such. I'm sick of reading about these frivolus lawsuits. No wonder lawyers like John Edwards are worth 70 million dollars, but relax folks, he's one of us! Well, according to him anyway. But I digress. I'm 5ft 5, my penis is about 5in long and my wife of 23 yrs hasn't complained to me about it yet. That's about it for me.
Ah, it's twoo, it's twoo!
It's a shame nobody advertises penis reduction pills, I'm fed up with carrying this bloody great thing around
I received some email with "face it your penis is too small" while my partner tells me it is too big ...
..
How demotivating is that ?
Anyone has received spam to DEcrease the penis size ?
Maybe that might work
--- I am known for the ones who want to find me on the net. Is that a privacy risk or a privilege? One might wonder..
I've often wondered why the internet is fascinated by:
* Getting a larger penis
* Using chemical pheremones to motivate the opposite sex
* Porn
Then I remembered that the internet is was created by geeks for geeks and funded by a government that knows that large numbers bored smart people would eventually get tired of large numbers of stupid people making the rules.
-- $G
The class jock immediately said "no wonder I drive a 10-speed bicycle"...
Although these products have been advertised for a long time, way before the time of internet, the problem gets bigger these days when the average man can easily compare his genitals with the top performers of the porn industry. Its funny though that sex product sellers go to extreme lengths in order to gain potential customers!!! I've seen men on one page having huge penises, while on the other page to be normal. I guess the availability of tools like Photoshop enables many to fake reality.
And a joke:
A white guy goes to the bar at a nudist beach, and finds a black man with an enormous penis drinking a cold beer while gazing at the sea. He is so much impressed, that he tells the black guy:
"Woa man!!!How did it get so big ? i'll pay you 10000 green ones if you tell me the secret."
The black man responds:
"It's easy. I'll tell you the secret that an african magician told me. Get a 20 pound weight and hang it from your cock for 10 days."
The white man was impressed:
"It is that easy ? I couldn't imagine it. And it will get just like yours ?"
And the black guy:
"Definitely so black!!!"
....how deep is your love.....
So does this article have anything to do with Slashdot's sig today?: Small things make base men proud. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
It wouldn't work nowadays, because, you can just pay the check in at an ATM machine
The whole scam relies on you having to hand the check over to a blushing cashier.
I've never shoed a horse, but I once told a donkey to piss off!
Small things make base men proud. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
Fortunately...I have far too much class to tell it ;)
.
A goal is a dream with a deadline
Steve
If your penis doesn't enlarge when you rub cream on it, maybe you're buying the wrong product.
Ahh, so many penis jokes...
Guy goes to the doctor and says "Doc, my penis is small, is there anything you can do for me?"
Doc says "Go home, and every night rub butter on your penis. Come back in a month."
So the guy comes back in a month, and is very upset. "Doc! My penis didn't get any bigger, in fact it got smaller!"
"Did you rub butter on it every night?"
"Well, we didn't have butter, so I used Crisco."
"No no no! Crisco is shortening."
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
Q: Which enterprise is the biggest user of Viagra?
A: MicroSoft.
...I must just be naive. I see the subject and I'm like, wow, 600+ comments for THAT? What could possibly be so legally significant here as to produce 600+ comments?
So I read it. Ah! Dick jokes.
Corruptino- That's what Ken Lay drinks at Starbucks
Will the new standard become a 12" median with 10" considered small? If suddenly everone is larger than 10" then size will become a cultural oddity no different than Chinese foot binding, African tribal scarring or American breast augmentation.
It all evens out in the end.
Yeah, that is because she was so injured because I took those penis enlargment pills.
"those bruises? well, I was knocking down a wall yesterday....."
Title says it all.
You'd see a lot of men running around with huge hands from applying the creme!
Excessive drinking is fine...in moderation.
This was obviously written by someone who had never fathered a baby before... Therefore also questioning his manhood:
A healthy baby should be 18 to 21 inches long. a 12 inch baby at 9 pounds would be grossly misshappen (Fat! and stout) and would never fit through the birth canal. It wouldn't be a baby, it'd be a round ball...
At some point in this trial, this guy will have to provide proof that his penis did not grow. I wonder how they'll deal with that? Testimony from current and ex-girlfriends?
Nope, but I've heard that it's a popular drink at the Starbucks near the SCO offices and certain political buildings...
What did Spock find in the Toilet?
The Captains log!
- Star Trek - William Shatner
Number one I order you to take a number two!
> a pretty blatant ... fraud."
Don't be so sure! I went on vacation and set my email account to auto-reply with "I'll be out of the office for 2 weeks. If you need tech support, please contact Tim or Brad."
Well... I auto-replied to penis enlargement ads 12 times in one week! Now I keep tripping over my penis. :(
Astro
Admitting that you spent $160 on penis enlargement cream shows that you are very desperate to fix your bad small dick problem. Is telling the world that you have a small dick and are willing to try anything worth getting your $160 back? You be the judge.
This reminds me of Liza Minelli's ex-husband, who is sueing Liza for spousal abuse. Imagine telling the world that you were beaten up by Liza Minelli, is that really worth $10 million. I don't think so.
- Kill Yourself, spare us all! -
I think other people don't mention it since the rabid PA butt boys will mod you down for saying so.
The -1 overrated mod is there for a reason, and this post is one of them.
The most credible studies done in this area have been conducted post-mortem. Everyone dies, and when you're on the coroner's slab it's not likely that you're going to object to a quick measurement.
Why is it that the proponents of "one nation under God" are so eager to get rid of "liberty and justice for all"?
I thought that's why you put notches on the headboard of your bed.
Why is it that the proponents of "one nation under God" are so eager to get rid of "liberty and justice for all"?
Hi, I don't use BSD because my webcam won't work with it. (No I'm not going to tell any of you the url)
-Natalie
Hey, I've seen lots of well-endowed women give hummers. It's not just the ugly chicks, honestly. You can get hot ones to do it too.
Usually you have to go down on them first though.
http://www.phallosan.com/
http://penisplus.com/
In Soviet Russia, penis enlarges you!
HelpUsObi 1
I think they sent the wrong stuff and his breasts started to grow.
Enzyte's even sponsoring a NASCAR car.
Is someone's going to sue the penis pill people, it would seem Enzyte's wearing a flashing red "sue me" sign.
Start a happiness pandemic
and don't forget that the tip gives little pleasure (to her). . . . .
whereas an upwards base-pressure to da' little-man produces a great deal (for her). .
although it sure is hard to sustain that curved motion!
.
(David Bowman, EVA near HUGE Monolithic Win-PC in orbit around Jupiter) "My God - its full of Malware!"
In any event: I think that, for most people, the size of the organ isn't anywhere near a important as how we get treated the other 23 hours of the day.
That having been said, I can easily understand why people are loathe to sue these people, because they'd have to not only publicly admit, but publicly claim that:
- They think that their penis is too small.
- they paid more than a hundred dollars to get it bigger
- their penis is still too small
And, of course, these have to be people who care enough about their organ size to spend the money on enlargers.And worse than all that, they'd have to admit that they bought something from a spammer.
Sometimes boldness is in fashion. Sometimes only the brave will be bold.
It should also be noted that the above statistics were researched by a penis enlargement company.
Sometimes boldness is in fashion. Sometimes only the brave will be bold.
(in a Scottish voice) Alex, I'll take "The Penis Firm" for $500!