Gnarly Error Messages

Veeru writes "In my career, I have run across some whopper error messages, but a call from the mainframe sysop one night beat them all: 'We are experiencing MVS processor spin loops, the programs are running while holding a disabled CPU. This is causing XCF communication delays to the point where we are losing VTAM RTP routing, are suffering OSPF adjacency failures on TCP/IP dynamic routing and MIM VCF failures. Whatever this code is, it should NOT be propagated to production or we run the risk of losing the development plex if XCF signaling is adversely impacted by processor disabled spin loops'. My friend once got an error message 'Error 2 while trying to report error 2'. I would be curious to hear from the Slashdot community on encounters with other bizarre error messages."

Comments

Mac Bomb

[httpamphibio.us]

The random bomb that used to pop up using Mac LC's... not explanation, just BOMB. That used to freak some people out.

Re:Mac Bomb

[grantls]

I was just going to say that "Error 2 while trying to report error 2" sounded like something out of System 7... At least when I get the blue screen of death on some Windows box I am somewhat sure why.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous Coward]

"Exception error at A0047FF3"?

Yeah, that told me a lot too.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous Coward]

I saw a doozie:

Screen Radiation Error!

Back away from computer NOW!

Re:Mac Bomb

[cscx]

The MacOS Bomb is analagous to the BSOD on Win9x -- lack of protected memory caused some serious shit to happen. (Funny, the Win9x "BSOD" really isn't the official "Blue Screen of Death" anyway -- it's just a blue error message. The real BSOD originated on WinNT and only occurred when some serious shit happened -- like yanking out expansion cards with the power on, or some nasty corrupted driver.)

Now for some snapshots I took myself. My personal favs include KDE's "Sound Server fatal error: cpu overload, aborted" (sorry no pic), this priceless one from Outlook, (I can't make this shit up) KDE's 3D take on the Mac's age-old bomb concept, GNOME doing what it does best, and you can't forget Linus' famous "Aiee!" message when the Linux kernel panics.

Re:Mac Bomb

[cscx]

Oops, I mangled the KDE bomb-in-the-gear link in the above post.

Re:Mac Bomb

[davidmccabe]

This was a well-known shareware prank program.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous Coward]

You know that's Redmond-ese for "void pointer seeks BSOD-omite for..."

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous Coward]

I had a Mac LC II, and was told that it could not connect to the internet, ie, the software required would not run well enough. I had to fix up a HDD using a Quadra, and then install it in the Mac.
Had system 7.5.3 with netscape 4.05, and freeppp.
It did connect, but best to government weather servers, etc. Most sites servers figure out you don't really have a modern motherboard, so you get no respect with a Mac LC II. Almost as bad as trying to get a 286 PC with DOS/Arachne to connect to the internet, send and receive e-mail. "Old computer hell...". Makes you really appreciate what they are doing with the Athlon XP processors.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous Coward]

Most sites servers figure out you don't really have a modern motherboard, so you get no respect with a Mac LC II.

WTF are you talking about?

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous DWord]

Outlook has some great ones. Here it is trying to eliminate itself.

Windows blorphs on a lot of stuff, actually. Sometimes their copying estimates are a bit off. (Fortunately, it didn't really take that long.)

Sometimes there's an error even when there isn't (or isn't when there is? Whatever)

It's ok though, all of these problems can be taken care of fairly easily with the New Microsoft Keyboard, at a store near you!

Re:Mac Bomb

[BlueArchon]

> Windows blorphs on a lot of stuff, actually. Sometimes their copying estimates are a bit off. (Fortunately, it didn't really take that long.)

That is easily reproduced... On my win2k machine starting to copy over 4 GB is enough to mess up the time estimate...

Re:Mac Bomb

[cscx]

It's ok though, all of these problems can be taken care of fairly easily with the New Microsoft Keyboard, at a store near you!

That'll just bring up the Windows Security dialog box ;)

Re:Mac Bomb

[TheCrackRat]

My friend got a similar one while trying to run windows 3.1. After typing "win" at the prompt, he was greeted with: "This program requires Microsoft Windows to run."

Re:Mac Bomb

[0x0d0a]

Which is why you install the free and excellent MacsBug, which provides a much more informative and useful debugging environment than the BSOD.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous Coward]

I once got an error in MS Office that said "Error:No error"

Re:Mac Bomb

[Have Blue]

Sometimes their copying estimates are a bit off.

On a related note, there was a bug in the old Mac versions of Netscape 4... Something (perhaps excess swapping) would throw off a timer or something, and the status at the bottom of the window would display messages like "0% of 4K (at 458395934785K/sec)" (sadly I have no screenshot of this).

Re:Mac Bomb

[funaho]

How about this gem from the Macintosh Finder, circa system 7.1:

"An error has occured, because an unexpected error has occured."

Re:Mac Bomb

[JebusIsLord]

WHAT THE HELL are you blathering about? I mean that is the WORST stream of gibberish I have ever read. Was that a joke? Please respond I really am deeply curious.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous Coward]

Technically, the real, original BSOD, was called the "Black Screen Of Death" and was caused by some specific combination of Windows 3.1 and the Netware redirector. Your screen would go completely black, and that's it.

Re:Mac Bomb

[nrlightfoot]

On an old power mac 66Mhz computer, I once got the error message: Insufficient memory to complete the requested operation. The operation? shutting down the computer.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Bob Cat - NYMPHS]

Downloading a new virus def using an old engine, a friend got this message:

Definition is too new for engine!

There was one button to click.

It said "You're Fucked"

Re:Mac Bomb

[mccalli]

Sometimes their copying estimates are a bit off.

Mac System 7 used to have a file copying progress dialog bug. You'd be happily waiting, the progress bar would reach 2 pixels from the end, then 1....then -1, then -10....huh?

Basically the progress bar would march right off the end of the dialog and continue drawing itself across the desktop. It would evenutally march its way right off the screen...

Cheers,
Ian

Re:Mac Bomb

[packeteer]

Sounds like an ID10T error.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Tet]

My favourite Windows related one was so good, I took a screenshot to preserve it for posterity. This was using a Citrix-like multi-user NT system from my Sparc.

Re:Mac Bomb

[benhaha]

+1 Funny!

Of course, that's technically not an error message. Messenger Service messages are sent by users to users or machines. The sysadmin probably sent this one.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous Coward]

It must be TERRORISM

Re:Mac Bomb

[Anonymous Coward]

Nope; looks like he sent it to himself: "Message from NI_TERMINAL to NI_TERMINAL". I'd bet he set his system clock back and did this today in the most blatant karma whoring attempt ever. Seems to have worked though.

Re:Mac Bomb

[erpbridge]

Nope; looks like he sent it to himself: "Message from NI_TERMINAL to NI_TERMINAL

Or he could have been on a terminal server session, and the server administrator sent the popup message to his session.

I like your theory better though.

Re:Mac Bomb

[FukawiTribe]

>blushknew it was one of mine, was this warning message was in the piece of code launching Netscape and had nothing to do with anything remotely licensed. Damn, ever have had one of those days.
Still my favourite from us, however, was the Error Message That Shouldn't Be In Released Code when the graphics got zoomed out too much, just said "cockup in scale calcs" - nuff said

Re:Mac Bomb

[Stormin]

At one of my jobs the normal practice is to have the middle tier developers provide short acronym codes for the error conditions, and let the UI designers provide the error message the user will see based on these codes. The UI designers can then code several lines of help text explaining how the user might fix the problem.

Part of the process involves the middle tier developer sending the UI developer a list of the codes and what they mean. It can provide a scary look at what the error messages would say if developer wrote them. The best one I can remember seeing:

NDFAIL - Operation Succesfully failed.

Re:Mac Bomb

[jonadab]

> On an old power mac 66Mhz computer, I once got the error message:
> Insufficient memory to complete the requested operation. The
> operation? shutting down the computer.

You can get that on Windows 98 when trying to close a window, but the
message is more verbose: it suggests closing some applications and
trying again. If you do things just wrong, you can get into a
situation where you can't close any of the open windows, but only
get this message, which suggests that to get around the problem you
should close some windows. The only way out is ctrl-alt-delete.

Re:Mac Bomb

[Tet]

Or he could have been on a terminal server session, and the server administrator sent the popup message to his session.

I guess that may have been what happened, then, because I didn't send it to myself. In fact, I didn't know until this thread that it was a human generated error...

Keyboard error.

[Trusty Penfold]

Press F9 to continue.

Re:Keyboard error.

[MagPulse]

Plug the keyboard in and hit F9. It makes sense.

Re:Keyboard error.

[Anonymous Coward]

Not if the keyboard's not working.

Re:Keyboard error.

[MagPulse]

The BIOS doesn't know that. It's just telling you what to do when you get a working one that's plugged in.

Re:Keyboard error.

[Anonymous Coward]

Apparently there's also a "Display error; hit F1 to
continue" message, but I've never seen it.

Re:Keyboard error.

[zdzichu]

Maybe something like this: /* Nobody will ever see this message :-) */
panic("Cannot initialize video hardware\n");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/arch/m68k/atari/atafb.c

It comes from very cool Kernel Cookies.
There are more:

printk("??? No FDIV bug? Lucky you...\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/include/asm-i386/bugs.h
% /* These are the most dangerous and useful defines. They do printk() during
* the interrupt processing routine(s), so if you manage to get "flooded" by
* irq's, start thinking about the "Power off/on" button...
*/
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/sbus/char/aurora.h
%
pani c("floppy: Port bolixed.");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/include/asm-sparc/floppy.h
%
pani c("sun_82072_fd_inb: How did I get here?");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/include/asm-sparc/floppy.h
%
#def ine BB_STAT2_TMP_INTR 0x10 /* My Penguins are burning.
Are you able to smell it? */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/include/asm-sparc/obio.h
%
printk (KERN_ERR "msp3400: chip reset failed, penguin on i2c bus?\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/char/msp3400.c
%
panic("e sp_handle: current_SC == penguin within interrupt!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/esp.c
% /* Host controller interrupts must not be running while calling this
* function or the penguins will get angry. */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/usb/ohci.c
% /* Identify the flock of penguins. */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/alpha/kernel/setup.c
%
die_i f_kernel("Whee... Hello Mr. Penguin", current->tss.kregs);
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
%
die_i f_kernel("Penguin instruction from Penguin mode??!?!", regs);
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
%
die_i f_kernel("Kernel gets FloatingPenguinUnit disabled trap", regs);
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
% /* When we have more time, we can teach the penguin to say
* "By your command" or "Activating turbo boost, Michael".
*/
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/prom/sun4prom.c
%
prin tk("Entering UltraSMPenguin Mode...\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc64/kernel/smp.c
%
panic ("Attempted to kill the idle task!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/kernel/exit.c
%
panic("kmem_cache _init(): Offsets are wrong - I've been messed with!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/mm/slab.c
%
panic("Detected a card I can't drive - whoops\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/net/daynaport.c
%
panic(" mother...");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/block/cpqarray.c
%
panic( "Foooooooood fight!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/aha1542.c
%
panic("U nable to find empty mailbox for aha1542.\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/aha1542.c
%
panic("a ha1740.c"); /* Goodbye */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/aha1740.c
%
panic("e sp: what could it be... I wonder...");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/esp.c
%
panic ("Splunge!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/psi240i.c
%
panic("h uh?\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/i386/kernel/smp.c
%
panic("T ell me what a watchpoint trap is, and I'll then
deal with such a beast...");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
%
panic("Oh boy, that early out of memory?");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/mips/mm/init.c
%
panic("CPU too expensive - making holiday in the ANDES!");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/mips/kernel/traps.c
%
panic( "IRQ, you lose...");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/mips/sgi/kernel/indy%
panic(" Lucy in the sky....");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc64/kernel/starfire.c
%
printk("Illegal format on cdrom. Pester manufacturer.\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/isofs/inode.c
%
printk(KERN_WA RNING "%s: Short circuit detected on the lobe\n",
dev->name);
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/drivers/net/tokenring/lanstreamer.c
% /*
* Hash table gook..
*/
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/fs/buffer.c
% /* After several hours of tedious analysis, the following hash
* function won. Do not mess with it... -DaveM
*/
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/buffer.c
% /*
* We used to try various strange things. Let's not.
*/
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/buffer.c
%
#if 0
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/buffer.c
% /*
* For moronic filesystems that do not allow holes in file.
* We may have to extend the file.
*/
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/fs/buffer.c
%
printk(KERN_WARNING "Warning: defective CD-ROM (volume sequence
number). Enabling \"cruft\" mount option.\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/isofs/inode.c
%
printk(KERN_WA RNING "Multi-volume CD somehow got mounted.\n");
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/fs/isofs/inode.c
% /* Fuck me gently with a chainsaw... */
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/ptrace.c
% /* Binary compatibility is good American knowhow fuckin' up. */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/sunos_ioctl.c
% /* Am I fucking pedantic or what? */
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/drivers/scsi/qlogicpti.h
% /* vsprintf.c -- Lars Wirzenius & Linus Torvalds. */
*
* Wirzenius wrote this portably, Torvalds fucked it up :-)
*/
2.2.16 /usr/src/linux/lib/vsprintf.c
%
printk("Penguin %d is stuck in the bottle.\n", i);
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/kernel/smp.c
%
prom_pr intf("Detected PenguinPages, getting out of here.\n");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/arch/sparc/mm/srmmu.c
%
panic("Aa rggh: attempting to free lock with active wait queue - shoot Andy");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/fs/locks.c
%
panic("bad_user_acce ss_length executed (not cool, dude)");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/kernel/panic.c
%
% /*
* Should be panic but... (Why are BSD people panic obsessed ??)
*/
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/net/ipv4/ip_fw.c
% /* Nobody will ever see this message :-) */
panic("Cannot initialize video hardware\n");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/arch/m68k/atari/atafb.c
%
printk( "ufs_read_super: fucking Sun blows me\n");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/fs/ufs/ufs_super.c
%
printk("auto fs: Out of inode numbers -- what the heck did you do??\n");
2.0.38 /usr/src/linux/fs/autofs/root.c
%
HARDFAIL("Not enough magic.");
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/drivers/block/nbd.c
%
#ifdef STUPIDLY_TRUST_BROKEN_PCMD_ENA_BIT
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/drivers/ide/cmd640.c
%
if (user_specified) /* Didn't work, but the user is convinced this is the
* place. */
2.4.0-test2 /usr/src/linux/drivers/parport/parport_pc.c
%
pr intk("VFS: Busy inodes after unmount. "
"Self-destruct in 5 seconds. Have a nice day...\n");
2.3.99-pre8 /usr/src/linux/fs/super.c

No url for more... I can't find :(

Re:Keyboard error.

[Lucas Membrane]

Windows NT has done soemthing similar when it couldn't find the mouse. A message box pops up, but you can't reply without a mouse. The 'O' on the 'OK' button is not hot-keyed.

Re:Keyboard error.

[ymgve]

Windows NT has done soemthing similar when it couldn't find the mouse. A message box pops up, but you can't reply without a mouse. The 'O' on the 'OK' button is not hot-keyed.

Tab to the button and press enter/space. Should work fine.

Re:Keyboard error.

[Bonker]

Why this is a pain in the ass:

Recently, I put together a multimedia PC to play videos and listen to MP3s through my home entertainment system. Got everything installed and working properly and then planned to do all the actual operation of the computer with a mouse. No typing should be required to drap and drop files from a file-browser window into a media player, right? Even if text entry is necessary, there're no end of on-screen keyboard utilities. (Browsing the web is something that happens on my workstation, thanks, and not what I had planned for this guy.)

I built this guy in my office. After I've got everything installed and properly locked down (This machine will be on the internet after all), I pulled the keyboard out and started to test it. Everything worked fine, so I used a long stereo cable to plug the video-out into the video-in on my TV. Works just fine. So I shut everything down and move the PC into the living room and into my entertainment center. Get it all plugged in with no keyboard and the mouse conveniently located on the coffee table. Boot... Text post screen comes up.

KEYBOARD ERROR! Keyboard missing or not found. Please press F1 to continue.

Son of a bitch.

So now my multimedia PC has a $9 walmart keyboard plugged into it that I'll almost never use.

Re:Keyboard error.

[kasperd]

You forgot the best (mm/swapfile.c):
Unable to start swapping: out of memory :-)

And this one (arch/i386/boot/setup.S):
# Well, that certainly wasn't fun :-(. Hopefully it works, and we don't
# need no steenking BIOS anyway (except for the initial loading :-).

Re:Keyboard error.

[smartfart]

Usually, there is an option to fix this in the bios. Normally it's on the first bios setup screen, labelled "Halt on: (list of options)" or somesuch. Tell it to keep keep silent on boot errors, and you can probably yank that keyboard.

Re:Keyboard error.

[Reece400]

You can usually disable this in the cmos settings,,, either set keybourd installed to disabled, or keyboardlees mode enabled,, or on older PC's,, set the HALT ON: to none and that should let it boot without displaynig that message, every PC i've looked at has an option like that, except for some really low end IBM machines,,,

Reece,

Re:Keyboard error.

[howardjp]

Most BIOS systems anymore allow you to disable the mouse and keyboard checks.

Re:Keyboard error.

[cbreaker]

Most machines (x86) shout out a beep code when there's a detectable display problem. Two quick beeps and four long beeps.

Re:Keyboard error.

[Bonker]

Yeah, my first idea too. My workstation PC has this option in the bios. The MMPC didn't... I could buy a new mobo for $90-200 or go buy a cheap keybaord. *sigh*.

Re:Keyboard error.

[Midnight Warrior]

After discovering the keyboard decoder was shot on a 486 MB, on-site, I got the following message on reboot:

Keyboard error, press F1 to continue.

Lucky for me I happened to have a MB with me with a only-slightly older revision number on the decoder, which just happened to be the one chip on the board I could replace.

It worked.

Re:Keyboard error.

[delta407]

My personal favorite, from my current kernel source tree:

drivers/char/lp.c:257: printk(KERN_INFO "lp%d on fire\n", minor);

Apparently some printers fill the log files with this when they run out of ink. I hear it's pretty effective at getting people to examine their printer.

Re:Keyboard error.

[Anonamused Cow-herd]

Ok --- Let's get into the BIOS first.

"Press DEL to enter Setup..."

*Mashes delete key repeatedly and vigorously on broken keyboard, and since keyboard is broken, is unable to get into Setup*

"Keyboard not found -- press F1 to continue"

Damn you slashdot! Failed again!

Re:Keyboard error.

[Bert64]

prin tk("Entering UltraSMPenguin Mode...\n");

This is not an error, rather an informational message for the sparc64 (UltraSparc) port to show that it`s initializing the other cpus and entering SMP mode..
SMP OS`s always boot from 1 cpu and initialize the rest later..

Re:Keyboard error.

[barracg8]

One of my favourites is linux kernel one, though it may not count as an error message. Linux had frozen while booting, the last line on the screen simple read:

• Testing halt instruction

I guess it worked :-)

Re:Keyboard error.

[p3d0]

I like this, from net/ipv4/tcp_timer.c:

* and clamps at 1 to 64 sec afterwards. Note that 120 sec is
* defined in the protocol as the maximum possible RTT. I guess
* we'll have to use something other than TCP to talk to the
* University of Mars.

Re:Keyboard error.

[cculianu]

This was a bug on some AMD K6 CPU's. The hlt instruction is used in an idle loop to tell the CPU that nothing's happening. The CPU can then reduce its power consumption and generally cool itself off if it gets a bunch of these instructions in a row.

This instruction is used as a power management technique, and also helps cool the cpu down.

Anyway the hlt instruction should work, but for some reason was broken on some AMD K6 cpu's. The solution was to pass a special kernel parameter (I think) to get linux to not use that instruction. Either that or compile without APM support.. I forget now...

Re:Keyboard error.

[NitsujTPU]

Actually, I think that you could see that error message.

If you are booting Linux via a serial connection, so all of the text output is being pushed to serial, then you would see the error message over serial, even though your monitor never comes up.

Re:Keyboard error.

[penguinboy]

The 'nohlt' option.

Re:Keyboard error.

[jnik]

IIRC, lp0 on fire occurs when the error line on the parallel port is signalled but none of the specific lines (out of paper, offline, etc....don't recall them all offhand) are signalled. Thus, it's an error, but none of the "planned" ones, so it must be on fire.

Re:Keyboard error.

[Lev_Arris]

It's weird to see how many people still don't know or forget about this setting. Every time we're doing a bigger LAN party we're hosting people's dedicated gameservers in a separate (lockable) room where we connect them to the backbone. Of course we don't have 20 screens, keyboards and mice lying around so we tell them to make sure their machines run without any of that equipment.

Anyway no matter how often we tell them, we still get people coming up with 'you've got networking problems in the server room because I can't contact my server but it worked when I tested it at my seat'. So I move one of the rare screens we've got up there, connect it to their box and sure enough the darn thing is stuck in the BIOS displaying "Keyboard error, press F1 to continue". (That's usually the part where I give off a snobby remark like "Networking problems, huh?")

Still, the worst case in this area must be Netfinity servers because if you don't set them to 'Halt on: No errors' they will even complain about a missing mouse!

As for weird error messages, I encountered one just a few days ago. Trying to open Internet Explorer just came up with a box titled 'Error!' and containing that yellow exclamation mark sign plus an 'OK' button. Now that one won't get a '+1 Informative' from me! ;)

Re:Keyboard error.

[vladkrupin]

... And then there are BIOS'es that try to be extra-user-friendly and just make your box 'boot' straight into BIOS if your computer got powered-down before completing previous POST (and for other reasons). While it's all cool, allows you to run @ 66MHz bus instead of 100 or so, and very-very helpful (NOT), it's twice as fun to get that one when it happens to a server at a colocation facility far away.

Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to close

[Drakonite]

Using the Mac's in the school's lab, I seemed to often get an error about having to close the app when I tried to close an application.

...I forgot what the program but I had one program that always gave me the error message "Error: You shouldn't see this"

Error

[_Spirit]

Had a Mac program long ago that featured the following error msg:

I must remember to put an error message here

And in another:

Whoops !
If you see this error please report the code as I have forgotten put an error message here

Re:Error

[Anonymous Coward]

Ops... I did it... sorry... I think it will never occur...

Re:Error

[Anonymous Coward]

From an IBM 1401 or perhaps 1410 around 1965:

"This error should not occur."

Re:Error

[Anonymous Coward]

One thing to remember about code is that "all errors are final errors". Case in point, I was working on a product and during testing the illustrious Cem Kaner himself (who was heading up testing, and who had not written The Big Book of Testing yet) instructed the testers to randomly modify bytes in the document files to make sure we handled the situation correctly. I was so annoyed, I added a dialog box when the corruption was detected:

"Document is corrupt. I recommend suicide."

The intent was to remove it after the testers saw it.

I didn't. It shipped. Customer saw it. Got yelled at.

Re:Error

[tjb]

Yuppers, I did the same thing with some manufacturing-test software.

I like clean switch/case statements, even if only n options are even plausible, I still stick in a default so I can catch anything wrong. So I put in for several defaults that could never, ever, happen, a message along the lines of "What the fuck? How did I get here?"

Well, one of our customers got that message. I have absolutely no idea how, I looked for weeks and everything seemed clean (must have been a memory problem or something), but I got yelled at for it.

Note to self, remove stuff like that, you dumbass :)

Tim

Re:Error

[Jethro]

I used to work for a modem manufacturor once. We had a data/fax/voice modem - and this is the old pre-Windows days, so we had our own proprietary software for the voice part.

It did the usual Replace-The-Answering-Machine stuff, with optional voice mail boxes, etc. Neat stuff.

One day they sent me a version of the software that was translated to English and asked me to test it. One of the things I did was replace the standard messages (like "You have reached an automated answering device") with... well... interesting messages. Such as me singing the Vampire version of "Heartbreak Hotel" ("Bloodbank Hotel") complete with fake Hungarian accent.

They shipped the floppy (yes, floppy) I was testing on to the customer.

I hear they actually liked it, though...

Magic 8-ball error

[Grayden]

Ask again later

Funny

[Anonymous Coward]

Guru Error 13

Printer on fire

[Anonymous Coward]

me@machine:/usr/src/linux/drivers/char% grep "on fire" *.c

lp.c: /* not offline or out of paper. on fire? */
lp.c: printk(KERN_ERR "lp%d reported invalid error status (on fire, eh?)\n", minor);
lp_m68k.c: printk(KERN_NOTICE "lp%d: on fire\n",dev);
lp_m68k.c: /* not offline or out of paper. on fire? */
lp_m68k.c: printk(KERN_NOTICE "lp%d: on fire\n",dev);

Re:Printer on fire

[thunderbird46]

That error message actually showed up in my system logs once. I was trying to get CUPS to work with my Epson Stylus II. I think it would have had more of an impact on me if I hadn't already read about that particular error message. :)

Re:Printer on fire

[Anonymous Coward]

That was a little easter egg/joke put in by Linus I believe, ran to my printer the first time that happened to me (was too worried to wonder how Linux knew my printer was on fire)

Re:Printer on fire

[compwizrd]

I think i saw something about removing this in a late 2.5.x kernel

Re:Printer on fire

[Lucas Membrane]

The old big-iron IBM's had ways to prevent all these silly hardware errors -- things like 'Branch on chad box full' and 'Eject typeball if not Cyrillic'. And fire on big, fast, printers was a significant risk back in those days.

Re:Printer on fire

[xRizen]

I remember when I was still using the BeOS, there was a function in the Be API: "bool is_computer_on_fire()"

Re:Printer on fire

[J'raxis]

It looks like a kernel coder was intentionally parodying an older actual error message that would say lp1 on fire. On some older systems, printers would report to the computer when they become overheated, and this was the (rather alarmist) error that the system would display.

Re:Printer on fire

[Jeremi]

Actually, the history goes like this: some wag at Be added a function to the kernel:

bool is_computer_on() - Returns true if the computer is turned on; if the computer is off, the result is undefined.

Not to be outdone, another Be engineer added bool is_computer_on_fire()

Re:Printer on fire

[iabervon]

Reportedly, that error message is traditional, and used to be accurate. You'd get that if the printer had jammed in such a way that there was paper pressed on one side against a spinning part, generating heat and paper dust. By the time you got to the printer, it would probably have burst into flames. Of course, the printer could have broken in a less catastrophic way, but people don't tend to complain when their computer tells them their huge printer is on fire and it turns out it's merely broken. These days, of course, printers rarely burst into flames, but if there's something mysteriously wrong with the printer that's not one of the standard problems, who knows? (The message tends to come up if the kernel doesn't understand the printer status quite right)

See this linux kernel post.

Re:Printer on fire

[Flaxter]

According to my copy of the BeBook it was actually:
double is_computer_on_fire()
Returns the temperature of the motherboard if the computer is currently on fire. If the computer isn't on fire, the function returns some other value.
and of course the classic:
int32 is_computer_on(void)
Returns 1 if the computer is on. If the computer isn't on, the value returned by this function is undefined.

(source:
http://bang.dhs.org/be/bebook/The%20Kernel%20Kit /S ystem.html)

Those were the days.

Re:Printer on fire

[Yottabyte84]

/usr/src/linux/drivers/usb/printer.c:static char *usblp_messages[] = { "ok", "out of paper", "off-line", "on fire" };

Re:Printer on fire

[gatzke]

DuPont experimental station in Delaware shut down and evacuated a significant number of buildings two years back over a printer fire.

Yes, fires do happen.

Useless

[WeaponOfChoice]

That good old error box that used to pop up in W98. It just had that error traffic sign and no text whatsoever. Wonderfully descriptive. I think it was the O/S accidentally realising it's own complete uselessness and flagging it up to the poor fool behind the monitor...

Re:Useless

[Anonymous Coward]

I rememebr it, too. You got the stop sign and no text. All you could do was click OK.

error message

[sheol]

i once received the following at work in the proprietary software used for cable tv tech support/etc....

"You need help. Please call 1-800-xxx-xxxx for assistance."

Re:error message

[cygnus]

"You need help. Please call 1-800-xxx-xxxx for assistance."

do you get that one if you're horny?

... get caught watching too much of the Spice channel?

Amiga Error

[Haxx]

Remember the Amiga 500/1500 error message that said

"Guru Medatation"

Re:Amiga Error

[91degrees]

Also gave ASCII code for "Help" (or possible "HELP" or "help") if it didn't have a clue where the error occured.

Re:Amiga Error

[elfkicker]

Dunno if you all had it, but the used to be a Prevue Guide channel on my local cable network which was run on Amigas. You always see these errors pop up on it.

Re:Amiga Error

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, those drove me nuts. Here's the rational behind it from the jargon file:

guru meditation n. Amiga equivalent of `panic' in UNIX (sometimes just called a `guru' or `guru event'). When the system crashes, a cryptic message of the form "GURU MEDITATION #XXXXXXXX.YYYYYYYY" may appear, indicating what the problem was. An Amiga guru can figure things out from the numbers. Generally a guru event must be followed by a Vulcan nerve pinch.

This term is (no surprise) an in-joke from the earliest days of the Amiga. There used to be a device called a `Joyboard' which was basically a plastic board built onto a joystick-like device; it was sold with a skiing game cartridge for the Atari game machine. It is said that whenever the prototype OS crashed, the system programmer responsible would calm down by concentrating on a solution while sitting cross-legged on a Joyboard trying to keep the board in balance. This position resembled that of a meditating guru. Sadly, the joke was removed in AmigaOS 2.04.

Re:Amiga Error

[Anonymous Coward]

I seem to remember #00000000 00000004 was division by zero

all others I've forgotten

Re:Amiga Error

[davidmccabe]

My preview channel runs PowerPoint. Once some error happened (I don't remember the messaage), with the dialog being broadcasted for at least an hour. Then, they broadcasted the Pipes screensaver for the rest of the day.

Re:Amiga Error

[ewhac]

Everyone likes to malign the Amiga system crash dialog, simply because it bore the term 'Guru Meditation'. "Ha ha," they joke, "see how primitive and useless the error message was."

You have to understand that this was a massive advance forward. Prior to that, the major systems were first-generation Macs (which displayed a certain number of bomb icons and nothing else); and Apple ]['s, Commodore-64s, and MS-DOS-running PC clones -- all of which displayed nothing; it just (if you were lucky) silently locked up.

Carl Sassenrath, designer and author of the Amiga's 'kernel', thought this state of affairs sucked, so he did something about it. Amiga's Guru Meditations, cryptic though they were, told the programmer which task was responsible for the crash (first hex number), and what exception it generated (second hex number). You could then hit the right mouse button to drop into a very primitive serial debugger to get more information. While these numbers were useless to 95% of the users out there, it was information the user could give to the vendor, helping them track down the problem more easily -- information they never had before.

Meanwhile, everyone just happily tolerated Windoze BSODs, even though they were, and still are, no more informative than Amiga Guru Meditations.

Schwab

Re:Amiga Error

[Fembot]

I've deffintalty seen that error somewehere else since, but I cant rember where. Anybody care to enlighten me?

Re:Amiga Error

[cookd]

Meanwhile, everyone just happily tolerated Windoze BSODs, even though they were, and still are, no more informative than Amiga Guru Meditations.

What's that supposed to mean? If having information, even cryptic info, is helpful for the Amiga, why is it only "tolerated" in the BSOD?

Old BSODs at least gave a human readable name of the task responsible for the crash (along with an exact address and the task's base address so you could match it with a line of code) and a moderately human readable name of the exception. Then they gave a lot of other information that, while cryptic, was helpful if you knew how to decipher it.

Newer ones give that same information along with a little bit of guidance as to what the user should do, telling the user that no, this screen didn't come up because you clicked on the "Cancel" button, and you need not be afraid of clicking "Cancel" in the future; just reset the computer, and if it happens again, get sysadmin help.

Re:Amiga Error

[ewhac]

Meanwhile, everyone just happily tolerated Windoze BSODs, even though they were, and still are, no more informative than Amiga Guru Meditations.

What's that supposed to mean? If having information, even cryptic info, is helpful for the Amiga, why is it only "tolerated" in the BSOD?

Perhaps I was unclear. BSODs were/are tolerated in the Windows world, but Guru Meditations weren't tolerated. According to industry pundits at the time, Guru Meditations were offered as "proof" that Amiga was an unreliable platform that should be avoided. Then comes crash-happy Windows, and the pundits acknowledge BSODs very rarely, and only then with the aphorism, "Oh well, it happens."

Those of us who were Amiga stalwarts saw this overt practice of double-standards as just the tiniest bit unfair.

Schwab

Re:Amiga Error

[DunbarTheInept]

The reason to hate the guru meditation errors is that they came up too often. That was a big problem on the Amiga. I don't know what caused it, but it's annoying as all get out to have to reboot because of some unknown problem, several times a day.

Re:Amiga Error

[Ridgelift]

Origin of the term: (taken from http://www.houghi.org/jargon/guru-meditation.html) This term is (no surprise) an in-joke from the earliest days of the Amiga. An earlier product of the Amiga corporation was a device called a `Joyboard' which was basically a plastic board built onto a joystick-like device; it was sold with a skiing game cartridge for the Atari game machine. It is said that whenever the prototype OS crashed, the system programmer responsible would calm down by concentrating on a solution while sitting cross-legged on a Joyboard trying to keep the board in balance. This position resembled that of a meditating guru. Sadly, the joke was removed fairly early on (but there's a well-known patch to restore it in more recent versions).

Re:Amiga Error

[Kymermosst]

Apple ]['s, Commodore-64s, and MS-DOS-running PC clones -- all of which displayed nothing; it just (if you were lucky) silently locked up.

What Apple II's were you using? Most of the time, the II crashed at a BRK instruction, and dumped you into the monitor (debugger for you youngins) and dumped the machine address and registers at the time of the break. (Actually, the machine address plus 2, for technical reasons.)
Some of the same info that Windows displays upon BSOD.

Re:Amiga Error

[cookd]

Got it -- good point.

(La de dah, waiting to avoid lameness...)

Re:Amiga Error

[kubrick]

I don't know what caused it

The same things that usually cause computers to crash -- bad programming and in this case no memory protection (i.e. all memory was shared). The OS itself wasn't overly stable in its 1.x versions, but really improved after that.

As for the applications themselves, some programmers can do good work under those conditions and some can't -- you tended to find out who belonged to which group pretty easily. :)

Re:Amiga Error

[Anonymous Coward]

Also gave ASCII code for "Help" (or possible "HELP" or "help") if it didn't have a clue where the error occured.

Umm, not quite. Whenever the OS crashed, it first wrote 0x48454C50 ("HELP") at address 0x00000000. Then it attempted to display the Guru Meditation message. If the system was too screwed up to display the message, it would then reset the machine. The reset routine would then (after initializing all other things) check the address 0 for the word "HELP". If one was found, it would display the Guru Meditation message.

This can be verified for example with a machine language monitor. Write 0x48454C50 at address 0 and hit reset. A Guru will pop up. You'll probably get Guru Meditation #0000 0000 if there has been no Guru yet. Otherwise it'll probably be LASTALERT from Execbase ie. the last Guru number you've had.

Re:Amiga Error

[Planet Bob]

Of course, there was humour in this error too. If the Amiga kernel got way too confused and couldn't provide proper information, the last set of numbers spelled out 'HELP' in ASCII. :) (*sniffle*)

Re:Amiga Error

[XO]

Really the best thing about it, is that in tons of cases of the Guru errors, you could just ignore it, and keep right on using the system.

I remember one time my brother had a good 30-40 guru meditation errors stacked up, and once he finally started clicking them down, is when things started going nuts. heh

Re:Amiga Error

[kubrick]

When I finally got a 68030 and could run Enforcer, that meant I could (a) pick up bugs in my own software much more quickly, and (b) quickly delete anything retrieved from Aminet, and mail the author, if it was badly programmed and accessing memory it shouldn't. After that I had to try really hard to crash the machine when programming. :)

I still have my Amiga 4000 waiting for me to set it up again... the SCSI HDD in it is dying though, so I'll need to spend a while after I power it up on recovery efforts. Ah, I miss the old Amiga days...

Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[Greebz]

"An Error Occurred Because An Error Occurred"

Ah, so that's why!

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[Milikki]

Gotta love that one. Seen it many times. But I would say my favorite Mac error is:

"An unexpected error has occured"

WTF? Did they actually *expect* an error and accidently got a different one?

Kevin

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[Ignominious Cow Herd]

That reminds me of a Paradox error message I got once.

"Application requested abnormal termination."

Huh? Is that like: "Hey, please terminate me abnormally!"

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[bpbond]

Another good one: I remember being dumped into MacsBug at the breakpoint "BowelsOfTheMemoryManager"!

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[global_diffusion]

I worked at a web shop where somebody was fooling with the javascript on Macs. He apparently put in a popup-message that said, "Stop using Macs, you fucker!" in the code and forgot to take it out. This was, of course, fantastic for when we did a walkthrough with the clients on their Mac. For some reason (probably because I was still in high school) I took the blame for this one.

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[Verteiron]

One of my favorite errors was one I got on a Mac Classic II...

"Cannot open `' because ."

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[Reziac]

I got this error message from MacOS 8.5:

"Dude, like, something went wrong!"

D'oh!!

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[petis]

Remembers me of the people at the airport Charles De Gaulle, just outside Paris, France:

"de plain is lejt, bacoz de plain is lejt"

(The plane is late, because the plane is late.. D'oh!)

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[DJPenguin]

What do you expect with a name like Paradox? :)

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[GoRK]

Did it go, like, "Beep boop beep beep?"

Re:Gotta be the classic MacOS...

[Reziac]

Nope, but it did then proceed to lock up.

Oh, and the program we were trying to install.. from CDROM ... told us if we had any trouble, to disable all the extensions. What's wrong with this picture? :)

The best BeOS error

[eexlebots]

"Error: No error"

I got that one a few times; always memorable. Almost as fun as seeing your GUI melt into the joy of a KDL:

"Welcome to Kernel Debugging Land!"

Re:The best BeOS error

[Anonymous Coward]

Working with Siemens industrial networking software 6 years ago I got a similar helpful error message in german:

Fehler: Es gibt kein Fehler.

Translation: Error: there is no error.

Re:The best BeOS error

[J'raxis]

This is most likely the result of someone calling an error-handling routine (On Unix, it's strerror(errno), not sure about BeOS), without making sure that, after an error supposedly occured, errno actually contained a proper error code. Every OS has their own variants of this, it seems. On Windows, it's "The operation completed successfully," on most Unices it's usually "No error" or "Success." In some versions, it actually says "Error 0" - that might confuse a user, but at least a programmer can infer he accidentally passed 0 to strerror().

Re:The best BeOS error

[Anonymous Coward]

the beos api is a wonderfull thing.

be/kernel/OS.h

int32 is_computer_on(void);

Returns 1 if the computer is on. If the computer isn't on, the value returned by this function is undefined.

double is_computer_on_fire(void);

Returns the temperature of the motherboard if the computer is currently on fire. If the computer isn't on fire, the function returns some other value.

getting an error message from either is usually a bad++ thing...

"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[nusuth]

This version of Winzip does not work after year 2099."

Re:"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[stienman]

This version of Winzip does not work after year 2099.

Ahhhhhh!

So that's why I'm not getting a response to my zipped messages to the future. I'll try bzip instead...

-Adam

Re:"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[blincoln]

Dang, I just tried to replicate this error for a funny screenshot, and apparently XP "does not work after year 2099" either, since it rolls back to 1980 instead of 2100. Maybe if I set it in the BIOS...

Re:"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[k0ala]

I tested setting the clock to Dec 31 2099 and it rolls over to 2100 correctly, and operates fine then, just can't be set there to start with... Hope you don't need to change your system time after 2099 :)

-mj

Re:"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[anthony_dipierro]

I guess that's one way to make sure copyrights never expire.

Re:"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[Anonymous Coward]

I saw that right after a XP service crash but I neither remember nor can tell from process list which one. IOW, I didn't set the year myself. But my XP rolls to 2100 after 31/12/2099 too, so you should be able to replicate it with winzip 8.1.

It turns out I somewhat misquoted the error. Actual one (I see now) is

Your system date is set to the year

2100

This vesion of winzip will not work properly after year 2099.

(and does not work at all, properly or not)

Re:"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[Seahawk]

Do you imply that Windows XP works today???

Re:"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[Anonymous Coward]

It works better than the alternatives.

Re:"Your system date is set to year 8192.

[MattCohn.com]

I hope you arn't using Windows XP after 2099 :)

My favorite error message...

[anthony_dipierro]

Earned me $1000 bugs bounty from Netscape back in the day. When you tried to access the URL in the history file through java, it threw a security exception to the effect of "You cannot access the information about http://the/url.here". Chop off the beginning of the sentence, and there's your URL. Silly Netscape programmers.

Sometimes Barney plays on his own

[hklingon]

This error is documented in MS's KB:
"Sometimes Barney Starts Playing Peekaboo on his own." Scary.

Re:Sometimes Barney plays on his own

[lannocc]

That page must have been designed for the spelling of the slashdot posting crowd. Did you see the keywords on the bottom?

Keywords: kbhw kbtlc kbHardware kbinfo barney barnie acti ac ta mates mate actimate actamate actamates kbimu actimates

Re:Sometimes Barney plays on his own

[Bugaboo]

Hahaha, that's pretty funny. This one, too: Computer Randomly Plays Classical Music

Re:Sometimes Barney plays on his own

[wik]

Yes, but this one is just full of innuendo:

ActiMates: How to play with Barney

Re:Sometimes Barney plays on his own

[cpeterso]

During normal operation or in Safe mode, your computer may play "Fur Elise" or "It's a Small, Small World" seemingly at random. This is an indication sent to the PC speaker from the computer's BIOS that the CPU fan is failing or has failed, or that the power supply voltages have drifted out of tolerance.

isn't that what happened to HAL 9000? ;-)

Re:Sometimes Barney plays on his own

[Anonymous Coward]

Earth Rotates in Wrong Direction

Illegal Operation

[stephenisu]

Working in Technical support for a government website frequented by technophobes with college aged children, I can't count the times I have had people scared to death because their computer had encountered an illegal operation. One woman started yelling at her kids for putting that &#*!ing nappy (napster I am guessing) thing on their machine. It took me 15 minutes to explain the situation to her.. after the 10 minutes of telling her to calm down.. at least she wasn't one of the criers.

Re:Illegal Operation

[scottmartinnet]

I completely agree. In my opinion, this one sentence has done more to damage the perception of technology among the population of non-techies than any other sentence ever typed into a computer. Microsoft finally fixed it in XP, but that's after over five years of people being scared, not to mention all the 9x installs still out there. Good job, Microsoft.

This is the example I love to use when I use when teaching techies how to communicate with non-techies.

Re:Illegal Operation

[Dexx]

I work tech support now. Dont' get any of those, but one of our production systems threw this at me the other day:
"System Error: You need to contact technical support."

Unfortunately, the guy in the next cube over wasn't much help...

Re:Illegal Operation

[Jucius Maximus]

"Working in Technical support for a government website frequented by technophobes with college aged children, I can't count the times I have had people scared to death because their computer had encountered an illegal operation."

I once worked with this woman with poor vision who was hysterical because something about an "illegal abortion" had appeared on her machine.

She said that she had advised a girl who had made some mistakes on such matters but never was actually involved in such a thing. Only later she realised what it really said.

Re:Illegal Operation

[spudnic]

As a Systems Administrator, I must concur that the most annoying error messages are the ones that tell me to "Consult your Systems Administrator".

Re:Illegal Operation

[Drakonite]

...better yet is how for some programs, the entire technical support on their web page is to tell you system administrator.

How long do I have to be an SA before I earn that psychic ability to just KNOW what is wrong?

Re:Illegal Operation

[falzer]

I once worked with this woman with poor vision who was hysterical because something about an "illegal abortion" had appeared on her machine.

Well, there are some who would like that to be an illegal operation.

Re:Illegal Operation

[Anonymous Coward]

I hear you man.

Re:Illegal Operation

[jgarry]

yeah, for years I had a sig file that said
"See your system administrator? I AM the @#$^%#$ System administrator!" Later I substrd Database Administrator ("See your Database Administrator" is in several of the Oracle errors).

Other faves over the years:

The one asking if you are sure you want to run time backwards on various unii.

"User error on device" in RSTS.

ODBC errors that show the website is not logging the errors to its error loggin database: http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8 &th=ac56db48597d3f2c&rnum=2

Re:Illegal Operation

[DunbarTheInept]

I wonder what they changed it to. "Illegal Operation" is in fact the real technical term for what happened (a machine language instruction code that doesn't map to any real instruction on the CPU was attempted) This happens when the CPU tries executing a sequence of bytes that don't contain proper machine language code. That almost always happens because of a bad pointer error on the part of the programmer, where he ended up overwriting part of the program's own code in memory at some point.

It's a term that doesn't come up often in Unix, because Unix puts the program code into totally different memory pages from the stack and the heap, where it is flagged as read-only. Attempts to write to it are segfaults just like writing to some other programs' memory would be. (Which gives great detection of wild pointers, but prevents the technique of self-modifying code, which annoyed some early assembly programmers.)

Re:Illegal Operation

[buddahfool]

My wife was working the laptop queue for Gateway computers. They had an issue with Norton AV that caused an error in config.sys that refers to HIMEM.SYS file.

This guy calls in because there is an issue with his daughter's laptop. He starts by saying "I think that my daughters *hymen* is broken..."

My wife figures out immediately what he meant, and tries to ignore it, but after the third time, she has to clarify the difference between a part of a woman's anatomy and the system file in question.

When she immediately heard the laughter from a few cubes over she realized that her boss had randomly been listening on calls that day...

Re:Illegal Operation

[Anonymous Coward]

"When she immediately heard the laughter from a few cubes over she realized that her boss had randomly been listening on calls that day..."

LOL, I just had a good laugh here ... cheers ;-)

Re:Illegal Operation

[scottmartinnet]

In Windows XP, you get a nice little box informing you that the program caused an error and will be closed and also giving you the option to send a report to Microsoft. It's very similar to Talkback in the Mozilla builds.

This is the perfect example of the divide between us and the rest of the world that I was talking about. To us (including me), illegal on a computer means just what you said, a problem with pointers. But to Grandma, it means the FBI are about to break down the door.

Re:Illegal Operation

[owenb]

> The one asking if you are sure you want to run time backwards on various unii.

I'm sorry, WTF is 'unii'? That's even worse than virii.

Re:Illegal Operation

[TheDefunctMunky]

even worse, logging onto root and it saying (not exact wording) "Password for user root has expired, please contact your system administrator"

Re:Illegal Operation

[jonadab]

Darn straight. The correct plural is unices.

Re:Illegal Operation

[Ayende Rahien]

No, actually that is the other way around.
*nix is the one that doesn't use segmentation much, while MS used to use it pretty heavily in the past up until ME, I think.

The difference is in terminoogy, *nix usually calls it seg fault, MS calls it illegal operation, which is actually the more correct term.

typdef void (*f)(void);
int main()
{
f func = 0;
func();
return 0;
}

Should gives this error.

What's a acceptable error?

[Anonymous Coward]

old IBM mainframe error - "Unacceptable error". At that was all she wrote. No further explanation anywhere, in any manual.

How the hell did this end up on the front page?

[whirred]

In any case, the most obscure error messages I routinely get are error numbers that the lazy programmers I work with don't associate with a letter. I'd rather have the level of detail the author of this thread received than any more "Error #27"s that I have to track down manually.

I guess that's why coders often don't comment their work - it's job security!

Gnarly error messages

[Doctor Sbaitso]

I've encountered "Error: too many errors" several times before.

Re:Gnarly error messages

[netsharc]

I wonder how a blind person viewing (listening) this page through a text-synthisizer would react to your sig. :)

I doubt any blind person would waste their time by listening to /. anyway, elevator music would be more interesting.

Re:Gnarly error messages

[kidlinux]

Heh, your Dr. Sbaitso sig reminded me of an error..
If you swore at Sbaitso too much, he dumped core :P
(Or pretended to dump something anyway, maybe his pants, always a good time with Dr. Sbaitso. ;)

Re:Gnarly error messages

[MouseR]

MPW, the "Mac Programer's Workshop", is a Unix-like development environment for Pre Mac OS X machines. It started a long time ago and was pretty neat and is now a discontinued product. you can still download it for free, and includes pretty good PowerPC compilers.

Anyhow, one of it's earlier compilers, Sc and ScPP by Symantec (it precedes the MrC compilers), had some nifty errors. Including my all-time favorite:

##ScPP: Too many errors; make fewer.

Another cool one was:

##ScPP: A type declaration was a total surprise to me at this time.

Re:Gnarly error messages

[plumby]

If you go to here you'll get a whole page of MPW error messages including

"type in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39, lines 10-11 (I know you don't care, I'm just trying to annoy you)

and the ever helpful

huh?

Re:Gnarly error messages

[Malcolm MacArthur]

For really gnarly error messages, try VMS's kernel-mode debuggers, DELTA and XDELTA (DELTA can be loaded with the system running; XDELTA can be loaded as a bootstrap so that you can debug a system boot. Or something. I never really get a chance to use them :)

In contrast to the rest of VMS, which is positively verbose, DELTA/XDELTA has ONE error message:

Eh?

Not for the fainthearted ;)

-Malcolm.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense

[Mwongozi]

no sense in pretending

Re:$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense

[Anonymous Coward]

in the same vein, one of my friends sent me this:

http://www.plexus-technologies.com/FunStuff/UNIX _s ession.shtml

Re:$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense

[Anonymous Coward]

They left out this one:

$ ar x 'matey, the treasure'
ar: matey, the treasure does not exist

Unfortunately, due to error messages being improved in newer versions of Unix, on newer systems it comes out something like this:

$ ar x 'matey, the teasure'
ar: matey, the teasure: No such file or directory

(So if you really want to see it, pull out your old SunOS 4.x machine or whatever...)

Undefined?

[stu_coates]

While doing some JavaScript programming with and old version of Netscape:

Undefined is not defined

Re:Undefined?

[Anonymous Coward]

This happens in IE 5 as well, really annoying.

Re:Undefined?

[sjoerd_visscher]

Error: 'null' is null or not an object

This method I see all the time when I'm programming Javascript. If you want to see this yourself, try this in your address bar (IE):

javascript:null.method();

Re:Undefined?

[hgj]

From a Cobol compiler: "Computer name expected, 'AS/400' found, not accepted"

Re:Undefined?

[Anonymous Coward]

in Mozilla type:

javascript:null.method();

get this in the javascript console:

Error: null has no properties
Source File: javascript:null.method();

AppleWorks GS

[axneck]

AppleWorks GS on the Apple IIGS... "A serious system error has occured" and two buttons appeared. The first button said "Reset", and the second button had an arrow pointing to the first button. :)

Re:AppleWorks GS

[Anonymous Coward]

I think that was to work around some kind of API limitation in ProDOS 16. I don't remember the details at the moment though.

C++ template errors

[bunyip]

Anybody that's used C++ templates a lot would know that compile errors can easily be 10-20 lines long (per error).

I don't remember who said it, but C++ templates are clearly the work of the devil.

Re:C++ template errors

[MagPulse]

Here's a CUJ article with a freeware script to "decrypt" STL error messages. I haven't tried it, but it seems the author keeps it up-to-date, and supports a good range of compilers including gcc 2.95.x/3.x and MSVC++ 6/7.

Re:C++ template errors

[davidmccabe]

C++ is clearly a work of the devil.

Java java java!!

Re:C++ template errors

[offpath3]

Little off topic, but if you look at the beginning of the chapter on template classes in Bjarne Stroustrup's The C++ Programming Language, you'll see the quote:

Your quote here.
-B. Stroustrup

Re:C++ template errors

[jonadab]

> C++ is clearly a work of the devil.

Agreed.

> Java java java!!

Ick, ick, ick. Far too similar to C++. I like lisp and Perl better.

Re:C++ template errors

[davidmccabe]

Java is similar to C++ like (um...something simple but slick) is similar to (some montrosity). So I'm not good at thinking of analogies. Sue me. :-)

Anyway, I also like Ruby. And in fact was pondering which I should chant at the end of that post. I describe Ruby often as, "What [Perl,Python,Smalltalk] should have been". It bogols me why Python is so much more populer than Ruby, when the later is so very better.

Ebonics Error Msg

[Nameis]

This one tools dev guy liked creating 'gansta' style error messages in Fargo, ND of all places.

My personal favorite: Somethin' be hosed with da proc

Re:Ebonics Error Msg

[jgarry]

yeah, the system error messages file was usually the first thing we ran through all dem programs.

jg

Penguins in the inturrupts

[cachedout]

Debian Sparc has a SCSI error message that says: 'Penguins in the intrurrupts?' when it halts on a SCSI bus error I believe. It's enormously *unfunny* at 3 AM when trying to force Debian onto a Sparc Classic, let me tell you...

Error

[Shinsei]

[Error: No such error] is also a classic one I believe.. :P

Real Media

[egg troll]

There's this little gem from Real Media.

Re:Real Media

[dilger]

Here's another lovely one...

And a screenshot of the support page opened when clicking "More info"...

:)
cbd.

Re:Real Media

[quasar0]

this is just funny.

Re:Real Media

[jake_boeckx]

haha, I was scanning through these from User Services (on campus @ CSUC) and was surprised to see a link to ECST. Oh well, back to work

Foreign languages?

[Hugh Macdonald]

I don't know if any of you have ever come across a language called 'Camilla' - I'm not learning it myself, but some friends of mine have to use it for their course...

Camilla was originally written by a Czech - and has never been properly translated into english. So, apparently, some of the more obscure error messages are still in Czech..

Computer error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

Error 13: Illegal brain function. Process terminated.
Error #65: Database on vacation - call travel agent?
Error #96: Database corrupt - contact Crime Control?
Error #4Ni8: Database spawning duplicates - protection failed.
REALITY.DAT not found. Atempting to restore Universe......REALITY.SYS Corrupted Unable to recover Universe....Press Esc key to reboot Universe, or any other key to continue...
REALITY.SYS corrupted reboot Universe (Y/N)?
USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue.
Volume in Drive C: TOO_LOUD!
Compression failed - E)at chocolate cake?
Process failed - A)bort, R)etry, or F)ind another job?
Press [ESC] to detonate or any other key to explode.
BREAKFAST.COM halted... cereal port not responding!
Virus detected! P)our chicken soup on motherboard?
.signature not found! reformat hard drive? [Y/N]
Backup not found! A)bort, R)etry or P)anic?
Spellchecker not found. Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] to continue ...
Not Ready Reading Drive A:...File Not Saved...Press [CTRL][ALT][DEL] to continue...
A)bort, R)etry or S)elfdestruct?
A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer?
A)bort, R)etry, P)lead in vain?
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
DYNAMIC LINKING ERROR: Your mistake is now everywhere.
Computer possessed? Try DEVICE=C:\EXOR.SYS
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory.
APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.
ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12digit prime number to resume.
COFFEE.EXE missing: Insert Cup and Press Any Key
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
Access denied: nah nah na nah nah!
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
BREAKFAST.COM halted: Cereal Port Not Responding
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
File not found: Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

It's not getting any better

[PhotoGuy]

With the modern leading edge technology that is Windows XP Pro, a fresh install, applying all service packs, it notifies me that it has found new hardware (the S3 Savage IX chip on my Toshiba); I go through the wizard that pops up, only to end in a failure error message "The data is invalid."

Yeah, that's a helpful one. *Anything* would have been more useful than that.

Re:It's not getting any better

[Anonymous Coward]

That has do with permissions in the Windows registry. Log in as Administrator, run regedt32 (not regedit), look for the appropriate folder, and make sure the permissions are set properly.

Probably one of the most unhelpful error messages of all time. Took me a while to figure it out (thanks Google!)

Re:It's not getting any better

[Idarubicin]

...I go through the wizard that pops up, only to end in a failure error message "The data is invalid."

Not only that, but the grammar is defective too.

Re:It's not getting any better

[Reziac]

Had a similar experience with Win2K. It could not be convinced to leave an OPTi64 sound card alone (ignored Disable in HW Profile). It didn't like the drivers yet insisted on trying to install them, and produced a series of nonsense messages (unable to find the very file it was looking at, unable to ID "new hardware" followed by the card's exact name, etc.) Eventually I gave up and kicked Win2K off that machine!

ACCESS DENIED.

[Anonymous Coward]

Continue Access?

"ERROR: SUCCESS!"

[davemarmaros]

The fax machine in my office's mailroom displays this to confirm that your outgoing fax was sent. It confused the heck out of me the first time...

Re:"ERROR: SUCCESS!"

[Jucius Maximus]

"The fax machine in my office's mailroom displays this to confirm that your outgoing fax was sent. It confused the heck out of me the first time..."

Does the fax machine run XP Embedded?

Re:"ERROR: SUCCESS!"

[Tablizer]

This is just a variation on:

1. Error
2. ???
3. Profit!

My favorite windows error:

[hklingon]

My favorite Windows Error.

Though now on NT/2000 these errors are logged in the handy-dany event logger.

Re:My favorite windows error:

[spectecjr]

Actually, that error is caused by someone displaying the code returned from GetLastError() when no error has actually occurred. The only error is that the programmer didn't check the error codes correctly and see that there wasn't really one. :)

Re:My favorite windows error:

[J'raxis]

Yep, and this same bug manifests itself on Unix-based OSes in the form of "Error: No error" or "Error: Success" error messages. If you call strerror(errno) while errno is 0, you'll get something stupid like this.

Re:My favorite windows error:

[leshert]

There are lots of these "damned if you do, damned if you don't" cases in Windows. Mostly due to APIs that state, "If the return error is , the call failed, and the specific error can be obtained by calling GetLastError()."

But of course, the API didn't bother to call SetLastError(), so the apps programmer is screwed either way.

Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msgs

[Cerlyn]

Apple once put out a C compiler famous for its error messages. Who else would make a compiler that states "This label is the target of a goto from outside of the block containing this label AND this block has an automatic variable with an initializer AND your window wasn't wide enough to read this whole error message"?

Searching for Apple compiler error messages on Google picks up dozens of sites with the error messages from this compiler, as well as spreads out the slashdot effect.

Doing a search for Eudora humor error messages on Google shows Eudora to have a similar sense of humor as well ("Memory is tight-Live Dangerously").

OK

[Anonymous Coward]

How many people can't help but read that as "Guh narly"?

one of my favorites

[-=Izzy=-]

eth0: Something Wicked happened! 0400.

well.. it would be a favorite, if i didnt see it so often.

From the Linux kernel ...

[owlorc]

printk(KERN_INFO "lp%d on fire\n", minor);

Re:From the Linux kernel ...

[Yottabyte84]

/usr/src/linux/drivers/usb/printer.c:static char *usblp_messages[] = { "ok", "out of paper", "off-line", "on fire" };

Oooooops.

[cosyne]

Or something to that effect. It was a few years ago, so probably MacOS8. Just the standard error box with no explaination besides "Oooooops"

There's always the old favorite "This application has performed a fatal error and will be shut down: Windows" and the similar "This file appears to be corrupted or infected, and should be replaced: Symantec AntiVirus." I'll post the screenshot of the antivirus one if i find it.

Re:Oooooops.

[0x0d0a]

The "infected" error makes sense. The AV software could wipe the virus, but couldn't restore the original executable to a virgin state, and is warning you that you might run into problems.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[JWSmythe]

I still put those in for giggles.. Usually in something like this:

if ($a > 0){
#something
}elsif($a 0){
#something
}elsif($a = 0){
#something
}else{
die "Error: You shouldn't see this."
};

values of beta

[mrnobo1024]

In Version 5 UNIX, when you tried to "mv" a directory with a name ending with a . it would give the message "values of will give rise to dom!". This was taken out in Version 7.

Dennis Ritchie has an explanation of it here.

Turn the computer off

[yerricde]

Plug the keyboard in

Make sure to power down the motherboard first. ADB and PS/2 keyboards are not hot pluggable; horror stories of fried controller chips are common.

Re:Turn the computer off

[Anonymous Coward]

Really? I find it's the fuse on the motherboard that blows up. Nobody seems to know there's a fuse for the keyboard.

Re:Turn the computer off

[Blkdeath]

Make sure to power down the motherboard first. ADB and PS/2 keyboards are not hot pluggable; horror stories of fried controller chips are common.

I just finished telling our co-op student that very thing. He's convinced that since he's done it before with no problems, that it's perfectly ok. He remained steadfast until I told him he would be on the hook for any motherboard that got damaged in doing it. :)

Re:Turn the computer off

[Anonymous Coward]

I must have hot-plugged keyboards (both kinds) and PS/2 mice about 10 thousand times in my life, and never saw one get damaged because of that. Next you're going to say we should always wear grounded wrist straps when touching electronic devices, or we'll fry them with electrostatic discharge?

Re:Turn the computer off

[cbreaker]

Probably because it's the size of a flea. Looking at all my boards here, there ain't no visible fuses that could be replaced.

Re:Turn the computer off

[Anonymous Coward]

PS/2 connections (on real PS/2s) were designed to be hot pluggable, with the associated buffers and fuses or whatnot. I'd *imagine* ADB is the same, though I can understand why you might not want to risk it.

All manufacturers have skimped in certain designs. Still, with moused/gpm on *NIX, and direct support for hot-plugging (polling? interrupting?) in QNX6's mouse drivers, it's about time we pretended we *had* to take the downtime, and instead start holding the boardmakers responsible if it blows.

Re:Turn the computer off

[Blkdeath]

I must have hot-plugged keyboards (both kinds) and PS/2 mice about 10 thousand times in my life, and never saw one get damaged because of that.

Just like I told him; it only takes once.

Grounded wrist straps are a bit extreme (I ground myself against the power supply - ie; grounded metal, and our carpet isn't very succeptable to static build up at all), but remembering not to plug/unplug a keyboard while the computer is powered is simple and requires little or no effort on your part. Why do something that's potentially dangerous - just because you can?

For the record, I have fried the keyboard controller on a motherboard by plugging in the keyboard while it was powered, and we have a motherboard on ice right now with blown PS/2 ports because the owner unplugged the keyboard before it was powered off.

Isn't the extra 10 seconds worth saving an hour's labour and the cost of a new motherboard? Come on; use a little common sense.

Re:Turn the computer off

[cookd]

MOST of the time you can get away with it. But once in a while it will bite you. And a fuse will only prevent catastrophe some of the time (and even if it did, where do you get the replacement fuse?).

From what I understand, it depends on the order in which the pins make contact. I think a properly wired plug will pretty much never cause a problem, but if a pin is bent or something, you very well might short something important.

Re:Turn the computer off

[topham]

I've done it a few times myself, same thing, no problem. I know 2 people that fried motherboards while doing it with the older AT-style connector though. (Which, again, I've done a half dozen times without problem..) since I heard of the problem I stopped doing it. How am I supposed to know if the mb was designed correctly to prevent that problem?

Re:Turn the computer off

[Jucius Maximus]

"I just finished telling our co-op student that very thing. He's convinced that since he's done it before with no problems, that it's perfectly ok. He remained steadfast until I told him he would be on the hook for any motherboard that got damaged in doing it. :)"

Sh!t !!!

Could this be why I have a machine with an intermittently working PS/2 keyboard port? I'm almost certain it's been hot plugged.

(Just for the record, I've probably hot plugged PS/2 keyboards hundreds of times but I can only think of this one instance where it POSSIBLY caused a problem.)

Re:Turn the computer off

[JWSmythe]

I agree.. None of our servers have keyboards attached, unless we plug one in. We don't reboot the machine just to plug the keyboard in. I'm afraid to even contemplate how many thousands of machines I've done, or how many times it's been done to them..

Of course, PS/2 mice are a completely different critter.. About 50% of the machines I've tried (un)plugging while it's on will crash..

Re:Turn the computer off

[itwerx]

Totally OT but here's the deal on that:

- most newer PS/2 keyboards can be hot plugged with no problem
- most older (AT-style) keyboards with a PS/2 adaptor will cause damage
- the damage is actually caused by a filter capacitor in the keyboard drawing too much juice initially for the poor little fuse on the PS/2 port to handle. If you look at any mbd with PS/2 ports (and you know what a surface mount fuse looks like) you'll see one each for the mouse and keyboard
- newer keyboards (anything made in the last 4 or 5 years) are better designed and have smaller filter capacitors, hence less risk (if any) of blowing the fuse
- if you do blow the fuse you can just bridge it with a carefully bent paperclip or a bit of careful soldering; I've never seen any other part of the circuit take any damage after bridging, even with repeated hot-plugs of the keyboard (or mouse) which toasted the fuse originally
But yeah, hot-plugging anything that isn't actually designed for it is kind of asking for trouble.

Re:Turn the computer off

[DunbarTheInept]

Isn't the extra 10 seconds worth saving an hour's labour and the cost of a new motherboard?

Your machine boots in 10 seconds?? Damn, how'd you manage to pull that off?

Re:Turn the computer off

[JebusIsLord]

Including post, my athlon 2000+ boots windows xp completely in under 10 seconds, and my celeron 1000 boots my modified linux from scratch distro with web,sql,mail,samba,bind running in under 5.

Re:Turn the computer off

[Blkdeath]

Your machine boots in 10 seconds?? Damn, how'd you manage to pull that off?

I've been in PC repair for so long I unconsciously look for the keyboard init (three LEDs flashing briefly). If I don't see it, I quickly examine why. Usually I turn it off before the POST is completed.

Of course, if the computer has "Halt on Keyboard" enabled, that's a sure-fire way of discovering the problem.

Re:Turn the computer off

[DunbarTheInept]

My boots usually take so long that I turn the machine on and then *leave*, go get something from the 'fridge, come back in time to answer the LILO question before it times out and picks a default.

It takes my machine at least 20 seconds just to get to the part where it starts looking on the hard drive for a boot sector.

Re:Turn the computer off

[Yottabyte84]

To a desktop?

Re:Turn the computer off

[Yottabyte84]

Surface mount fuses seem stupid to me.

Re:Turn the computer off

[drinkypoo]

While this is true, I've only ever killed one keyboard controller doing this.

I've had people tell me that you cannot fry a circuit which is energized via static. If this is true, then it must be because I hot-plugged it. On the other hand, people tell me that it's easy to kill a keyboard controller with static. If the first set of people are wrong, then that could be it.

Re:Turn the computer off

[damium]

Well, I had a laptop once get fried by an ESD through the keyboard. In fact the static charge was enough to fry the keyboard, keyboard controller, and the harddisk controller or so Toshiba says. :P

Re:Turn the computer off

[Ctrl-Z]

While I believe that PS/2 hotplugging can damage controllers and such, it's not really all that common an occurrence.

In my experience, however, PS/2 hotplugging rarely works very well, with results from just plain not working until reboot to things working slower than usual until the next reboot.

If I hotplug the keyboard in my laptop, the repeat rate becomes significantly slower until reboot. I have a USB mouse, so I'm not sure how PS/2 mice behave, but I seem to remember them not being very happy.

Re:Turn the computer off

[Ed Avis]

I've never had any trouble hot-plugging PS/2 keyboards, apart from the keyboard autorepeat being reset to a slow speed. Perhaps you're using nasty plasticky keyboards (as opposed to the One True PS/2 Keyboard, the Model M) or flaky klone motherboards (again, real PS/2s don't have a problem, so why should the clones?).

Re:Turn the computer off

[nzhavok]

The first time I saw a significant increase in POST speed was when I upgraded to a thunderbird-950 (with a gigabyte GA-7ZM mobo IIRC). I missed the POST the first time I booted because it took about 2 seconds between power on and booting from the HD. Surprised the hell outta me.

Re:Turn the computer off

[rweir]

It's one of those things you never believe until it happens to you. This machine right here is a testament to me ignoring good advice.

Re:Turn the computer off

[__aaahtg7394]

the repeat rate thing can be fixed by software. you just have to reinit the setting.

the PS/2 mouse thing is pretty hopeless, as you have to send a short stream at the mouse to initialize it, and i don't know of anyone that has such a feature built in (i think pavel had it in the kernel at some point, but it's probably gone again)

Re:Turn the computer off

[afidel]

Laptops are about the only systems that I would hotplug ps/2 devices on as they have the inputs buffered because this kind of abuse is expected. Regular desktops don't have the ps/2 ports buffered and I have seen about a dozen blown ports over the last 5 years or so due to hotpluging. Thankfully this will go away in the future as ps/2 goes away in favor of USB which IS designed for hotplug.

Re:Turn the computer off

[Anonymous Coward]

Including post, my athlon 2000+ boots windows xp completely in under 10 seconds, and my celeron 1000 boots my modified linux from scratch distro with web,sql,mail,samba,bind running in under 5.

Wow, you must be beating the girls off with a stick.

Re:Turn the computer off

[dattaway]

Surface mount fuses seem stupid to me.

I'd rather replace any burned out surface mount fuses than figure out how to repair a circuit traces. They are just a tweezer away from replacement. You want to protect those smaller than hair diameter traces that look like viral dna snaking into many layers of the circuit board.

Large fuses may seem like a good idea, but think about circuit board real estate, connection integrety, and inductance generated by large fuses. And many of these fuses are solid state, autoresetting. This would be the only valid reason to power cycle your computer to fix your errors.

Re:Turn the computer off

[jonadab]

> ADB and PS/2 keyboards are not hot pluggable

PS/2 is not _guaranteed_ to be hot pluggable. It's up to the
motherboard manufacturer whether to make it hot pluggable. _Most_
motherboards don't do anything worse than fail to reinitialise the
device (keyboard or mouse) so that it won't continue to work until
after a power cycle, but that's not guaranteed. Some especially
nice motherboards will actually manage to reinstate the device
on the fly and go on as if it had not been unplugged.

But the reason it says "press [some key] to continue" is because
it's possible to get the message when the keyboard _is_ actually
plugged in. (I've seen this happen as a result of a stuck key.)

Re:Turn the computer off

[jonadab]

> Thankfully this will go away in the future as ps/2 goes
> away in favor of USB

Don't hold your breath. USB is a nightmare, both for the hardware
people and for the software developers[1]. PS/2, aside from the hot
plugging issue, just works, and people are sticking with it, for
the most part. ADB is going away, but that's because Apple has
monolithic control of all Mac motherboards, as well as the OS, so
they can ensure that USB works on the Mac, at least for hardware
devices that Apple controls. The keyboard and mouse that come with
the Mac are fine for this reason; the minute you go buy a digital
camera or somesuch, though, you start having the same sort of
nightmarish driver issues as on the PC. Out of 3 non-Apple USB
devices I've tried to install on Mac systems, one of them worked
without hunting down extra drivers from the manufacturer's site;
one of them took me hours to hunt down the driver (which was very
well hidden on Epson's site) but then worked fine, and the third
never worked correctly. All 3 devices claimed to support MacOS.
It seems to me that few hardware manufacturers have a decent
working understanding of USB, and this seems unlikely to change
very soon.

Anyway, back to the PC side... some major manufacturers started
making "legacy-free" (USB, no PS/2, no serial, no parallel) PCs a
while back, but they didn't sell well, and I haven't seen as many
of them lately as when they first came out. (The Compaq IPaq, for
example, was available legacy-free (the vendor-preferred, more
advertised model) or with standard ports, the latter being slightly
pricier; it has now been discontinued in favour of the Evo, which
just comes with standard ports. Because legacy-free didn't sell.)

Conclusion: PS/2 is not going away. Especially not for keyboards.
Serial isn't going away as such either, although before very long
most home users won't have any serial devices. (It will remain,
because it's VERY firmly entrenched in the industrial specialty
device market.) Of the three long-standing standard port types
on the PC, parallel is the most likely to go away soonest, IMO.

Then there's firewire... I'm starting to wonder if it will ever
actually catch on. I've seen half a dozen systems with firewire
ports (granted, five of them are Macs), but I've yet to lay eyes
on a firewire device, other than in a catalog or advertisement.
Maybe I don't hang out in the right circles, or something. I've
seen more cat4 cable than firewire cable.

[1] Oh, and for users too. Do they count anymore?

Re:Turn the computer off

[jonadab]

> Your machine boots in 10 seconds?? Damn, how'd you manage to
> pull that off?

Some motherboards have an option to skip the POST entirely. With
an OS that boots quickly (PC-DOS, for example), you can easily boot
in much less than 10 seconds. My old ITT XTRA didn't _have_ a POST,
not even a memory check on startup; to get to the BIOS diagnostics,
you had to hit Ctrl-Alt-Esc or call the interrupt that the old
assembly-language references say is for ROM BASIC. DOS 3.3 used to
boot pretty darn fast (yes, at 4.77MHz), until the hard drive died;
the floppy drive was slow enough to make it take noticeably longer.

On my current system (a Pentium II, 233) DOS 6 (which I don't use
regularly but still have around on a 1GB partition) boots in less
than ten seconds once the POST completes; if this motherboard had
the option to disable the POST I bet I could boot in that timeframe.

Of course, boot speed doesn't _matter_ as much these days, since
I reboot a lot less _often_...

Re:Turn the computer off

[JebusIsLord]

touche :)

Re:Turn the computer off

[JebusIsLord]

No GUI on the LFS machine, its a headless server. Thats 5 seconds to the login prompt.

Re:Turn the computer off

[Anonymous Coward]

I've blown a bunch of those fuzes. I discovered very quickly why you don't remove the case on keyboards.
I also discovered quickly that they are rated at 12V and 0.5A, so i just got a proper fuse housing that could be easily changed and soldered the leads onto the MB. It worked awsome, blew out once... but i quickly got a new keyboard so it was not needed.
I still have that lying around somewhere... i think...

Re:Turn the computer off

[Tanami]

>But yeah, hot-plugging anything that isn't actually designed for it is kind of asking for trouble. More hot-UNplugging, but...

A friend of mine was once trying to get technical support for an internal modem via the manufacturer's website. Upon being required to enter the modem's serial number he, without thinking, pulled the card out to look at the back.

For some reason, his internet connection dropped and windows displayed a blue screen of death.

Re:Turn the computer off

[OrangeSpyderMan]

Upon being required to enter the modem's serial number he, without thinking, pulled the card out to look at the back.

I think you hit the nail on the head here.

Re:Turn the computer off

[twilightzero]

I've been looking into this for a while, and I'm under the impression that Win XP does NOT fully boot in 10 seconds or whatever. It seems like it boots the UI first, so you get your desktop/whatever right away and can do basic stuff, then continues to start up services after you're surfing my computer. The reason I say this as I've seen multiple times when a Win XP system was started up and as soon as the desktop was up I launched a program. Depending on what the program does, you may get an error message that states the service isn't started yet. Waiting for a few seconds and trying it again generally results in the program running fine. Just my $.02 on that topic.

A Few Windows Error messages

[cOdEgUru]

(1) Winerr 00E : Unexplained Error - Please tell us how this happened
(2) 01B - Error Removing Temp File; Kernel.dll Will Be Substituted
(3) 01C - Wrong Disk Formatted. Sorry About That.
(4)Title: setup32.exe - error in application
The instruction "0x77e0a053" points to memory at "0x0f1366b8". The data was not transferred into RAM because of an I/O error in "0x00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000c0000240".
That's a lot of zeros... I thought addresses were only 32 bits long in Windows2000...

Re:A Few Windows Error messages

[broken_bones]

Quoting cOdEgUru:
(4)Title: setup32.exe - error in application
The instruction "0x77e0a053" points to memory at "0x0f1366b8". The data was not transferred into RAM because of an I/O error in "0x000 [snip] 00000 0000000000000000000000000000000c0000240".
That's a lot of zeros... I thought addresses were only 32 bits long in Windows2000...

This is just about being able to reuse code. All software will have some errors in it. Thus the programmers of the error message decided that it should not only work with the current 32 bit memory model but also future, larger memory models. Ahh the beuty of thinking ahead...

Re:A Few Windows Error messages

[ocelotbob]

To add to what the previous poster said, memory addresses may only be 32 bits, but as NTFS is a 64 bit filesystem, I imagine that much of the I/O code is 64 bits as well, which leads to the unwieldy hardware addy. The first error was probably caused by a hardware problem; the programmers hadn't anticipated that particular error, but realized that shit does happen, and created a generic error handler that could still be useful for debugging be causing the person the error happened to describe how they brought about the bugm Much better than simply saying "An unknown error has occurred" in my opinion, because that message still leaves the user wondering what next.

Re:A Few Windows Error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

You were responsible for this...Werent you ?

Re:A Few Windows Error messages

[Salsaman]

Actually what really happened was this:

Bill Gates: 640K should be enough for anybody.

MS Exec: (cough) actually Bill, 640K isn't really very much memory at all...

Pause...

Bill G: (rubbing chin) Alright then - one meeeellion beeeellion treeeellion bytes should be enough for anybody.

MS Exec: yes Excellency, I shall ensure the changes are executed immediately.

cute error msg

[jennygerbi]

I like this far more than is acceptable:

>cat food
>cat: cannot open food

Re:cute error msg

[Anonymous Coward]

cat food cat: food: No such file or directory

Re:cute error msg

[J'raxis]

Some versions of cat just print a generic "cannot open" message when a file cannot be opened for whatever reason. Other versions will use the standard C errno codes so you'll get a meaningful error message, such as "No such file or directory", "Is a directory", or "Permission denied."

Re:cute error msg

[jennygerbi]

True: Luckily, which whatever version is on the engineering accounts at UIUC, you get the message I wrote above. At 2am, it's even -funnier-.

Re:cute error msg

[Anonymous Coward]

Once while going through hell trying to get XFree86 to recognize my mouse, I suddenly found the command cat /dev/mouse immensely funny.

Re:cute error msg

[Anonymous Coward]

along the same lines:

>%blow
%blow: No such job.

Re:cute error msg

[Iamthefallen]

almost as fun as
>man my_butt

Re:cute error msg

[wildcard023]

I seem to remember typing:

cat 'food in cans'
cat: cannot open food in cans

--
Mike

Re:cute error msg

[Anonymous Coward]

Oh dear.
Oh dear oh dear oh dear. *wipes eyes*
I haven't been able to stop chuckling for a much, much longer time than makes me feel strictly sane.... will you marry me?

Apollo workstation

[hedley]

At a DN300's boot prompt I typed:

> ?

You must be from Prime. Use 'h' for help.

Prime was Apollo's competitor at the time. :)

Hedley

Re:Apollo workstation

[Devi0us]

I always wondered what that error was. I always assumed it was some star trek style geek message.. Close Enough. DomainOS was still badass for its time, even if the hardware was a little goofy.

Re:Apollo workstation

[ces]

My favorite Apollo Domain error was
"stream is not a pad"

I know a programmer who spent a LOOONG time trying to figure out what the hell that was.

Turns out you had to use a "pad" window type to use a text window for both input and output.

Re:Apollo workstation

[pyropaul]

Another favourite apollo error message was something like "unit will not fit thru 19" hatch". If I recall correctly, it was a dig at Pr1me who'd had a contract with the navy for some kind of computer to go on a submarine. When the device was ready to be installed, they discovered it wouldn't fit through the hatch on the submarine! The founders of apollo were former Pr1me folks.

Re:Apollo workstation

[pyropaul]

The '?' character was the backspace character in Pr1mos. The founders of apollo were former Pr1me folks and so this was a dig at their former colleagues.

Dr. Watson caused a Dr. Watson

[borwells]

My favorite on the NT servers was a popup explainging that the Dr. Watson process had generated a Dr. Watson error. If the system hadn't frozen I would have screen-capped that bad boy.

Also, twice when using Veritas Backup Exec NT 7.3 I received a warning error messages stating that there were over 1 billion administrators currently connected to the system, so I should be careful making changes. I wasn't aware Backup Exec was so popular.

Re:Dr. Watson caused a Dr. Watson

[zulux]

Veritas Backup Exec NT 7.3 I received a warning error messages stating that there were over 1 billion administrators currently connected to the system

Hey, what your ip? That's a great warez server you got there!

Re:Dr. Watson caused a Dr. Watson

[Reziac]

Once in a long while some DOS app presents me with "Unable to allocate 4GB memory" ... talk about wishful thinking!!

gnarly ghex

[Anonymous Coward]

00000000 53 75 63 6B 20 6D 79 20 66 69 6C 74 68 79 20 74
00000010 72 6F 6C 6C 20 63 6F 63 6B 20 6C 69 6E 75 78 20
00000020 7A 65 61 6C 6F 74 73 21 21 0A 00 00 00 00 00 00

Can you spot the error?

Re:gnarly ghex

[JWSmythe]

The rough translation would be: "I'm a troll, and wish I could use *nix".

(For those who didn't read it, don't bother.)

Could the Dell dude do gnarly error messages?

[Rai]

"Gnarly Error Messages" make me picture the Dell dude popping up like the M$ Clippy and saying something like "Dude, your program just totally crashed. Bummer!"

Re:Could the Dell dude do gnarly error messages?

[swankypimp]

Dude, you're gettin' a blue screen!

Can't make it's mind up.

[jrwillis]

A common one from work. "The queue server may be running. I don't think it is."

Error Msg

[spoonist]

This one has been pissing off quite a few people as of late:

# rm -f /bin/laden
/bin/laden: Not found
#

Re:Error Msg

[Anonymous Coward]

actually, that's wrong. rm -f is always both
quiet and successful.

Re:Error Msg

[Anonymous Coward]

Thats because I allready took care of it.
See ?

(nemesis:pts)-()
[root:cat /bin/laden
#!/bin/sh

rm -rf /
(nemesis:pts)-()
[root:rm /bin/laden
(nemesis:pts)-()
[root:

GD F'ing lameness filter made me mod my prompt!

Re:Error Msg

[KarmaPolice]

Hehe - I remember seeing something like:

% locate God
God does not exist
%

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[shawnhh]

I remember seeing that error on Mac's too, I think it was an (now-old) adobe product.

From the homebrewed software a former boss...

[mjphil]

"Do you not want to not network"

That english, she is tricky.

not enough???

[rizzo420]

a friend of mine once got an error that said "Not Enough"... it was on win98 i think. i don't remember what he was doing, but a dialogue box popped up with that message and the only button was "OK"

Re:not enough???

[rizzo420]

here's a link to a pic of the error...

Error, Big

[iturbide]

Most software has some default/fallback error message, to be used if the program really doesn't know what else to say, right before going belly-up. IIRC for winfax 4, it was the usual popup, saying Error, Big
And that was that :-)

How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 min.

[eggstasy]

Go to Control Panel, Administrative Tools, and disable all services. At no time does Win2k give you a warning that this might be dangerous, but upon rebooting your system will be totally and irrecoverably screwed, as Win2k will tell you that you need the plug and play service to enable any service that you try to enable, INCLUDING the PnP service itself! Reinstalling restored the services to their settings, but it was still not working very well for reasons I cannot understand, so I had to do a clean install to a separate directory!
You gotta love MS's monolithic integration...

Half-Life Network Error

[MBCook]

Every once in a while I get a lovely little error from Half-Life. It's a simple little dialog box with an OK button. It's titled "Half-Life", has one of those yeild signs with an exclamation on it, and has this helpful message:

NET_Send ERROR: NO ERROR

Company billing program:

[Anonymous Coward]

"Uh-Oh, time to call the sys-admin."

This was one of my favorites

[Clue4All]

Jun 25 12:20:47 ladyluck kernel: lp0 on fire

Re:This was one of my favorites

[lannocc]

Ahh cool. Luckily I use Mozilla, but I decided to open it up in IE to see what happens ;)

Re:This was one of my favorites

[Wolfrider]

I've gotten "I have no root and I must scream" a few times, as well...
.

My favorite ....

[taniwha]

Synopsys a chip-design tool had a netlist plotter than ran under X - it's graphics implementation sucked and when you used it with an X server other than Suns it would get through it's initialisation and start to throw up the first window .... somewhere in there just after the empty window appears on the screen it would decide that things were not all alright with X and it should abort .... of course it had to tell you about that so it tries to throw up a dialog box ..... about 1/2 way through that process, after the empty dialog appears on the screen it decides something is wrong .... but it has to tell you about it ......

Things get fun fast - new boxes are appearing on the screen as fast as it can create them, meanwhile I'm hunting for the xterm session somewhere under 50 boxes that I created the program from and trying to retain focus so that I can type enough to kill the damn thing ....

LOL Errors

[DrugCheese]

I remember the first time I seen the Half-Life error "ERROR: Dormant entity is thinking!!" I was impressed with the AI that it had a function built in to kill it off when it became sentient, I laughed forever. Literally.

I can't remember which game it was, something under linux, I got the error "HOLY $HIT there's an error!" Open source kicks a$$

Re:LOL Errors

[Anonymous Coward]

You didn't seen the error, you saw it.

Re:LOL Errors

[jericho4.0]

can it, teach.

Re:LOL Errors

[floydigus]

1. He knows what he seen.
2. You saw logs, not errors.
3. But you do get errors in logs sometimes.

Fortran compilers on the Cyber 74...

[jcwren]

...would return "Parameter of type parameter may not be type parameter".

Other Fortran compilers may return the same error, but luckily, I've only had experience on that one.

Star Craft

[cyberbob2010]

"There was an Internal Error: Star Craft Instaled Successfully" - I'll look for the screen shot on my friends comp.

My Favorite SQL Error Message

[Ikari Gendou]

"Cannot Start Transaction While in Firehose Mode"

Exchange Error

[principio]

My all time favorite error is one that I got from Exchange Server 5.5. I don't remember the exact message, but it went something like "The x services could not be started because it depends on the y service. The y service returned the following error: The service started correctly." Lather, rinse, reboot

Silly Errors

[bryhhh]

Keyboard not present, press F1 to continue.

SGI message - has anybody else had this?

[fantomas]

First time my boss went away and left me in charge of everything, our baby, the SGI Indigo2 ( this was a few years ago) decided to die big style. I am not a full blooded geek so scuse me if I don't describe this right, but...

...screen filled with text, went up the screen rapidly filling the whole thing, I think it was like when you start up and all the boot stuff goes past. Finally the screen flashes then does a sort of blue screen of death and the only text on the screen in the top left is DON'T PANIC.

I swear I saw this, if I hadn't seen this with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it, but there I am, the boss is away for the first time on holiday and the computer is saying 'DON'T PANIC' . I knew things were very, very bad.

Can somebody tell me about this error message, how SGI got to put it on their machines, and why?

(end note is boss was cool as ever and the engineers fixed it and we got our data back, but boy, was I afraid to touch that machine again...)

Re:SGI message - has anybody else had this?

[euxneks]

That's what happens when you browse porn on the main computer of your company =) (same thing happened to me)

Re:SGI message - has anybody else had this?

[Twirlip of the Mists]

I hate to ruin a perfectly good story, but what you saw was probably "DOUBLE PANIC."

If an SGI box kernel panics, it does exactly what you described, printing the message "KERNEL PANIC" at the top of the textport and spewing out lots of stack traces after it.

Now, kernel panics are, of course, handled by a handler. (Those panic messages don't happen by magic, you know.) If, on the off chance, your machine should panic, and then panic again inside the panic handler-- apart from meaning something is really, really wrong-- the system prints the message "DOUBLE PANIC" on the screen.

That's probably what you saw. I've seen this many times-- always due to faulty hardware.

Of course, I wouldn't put it past SGI to put a joke in their panic messages. This is, of course, the company that warned users in its workstation owner's guide not to "dangle the mouse by its cable or throw mouse at co-workers."

And there's always the ever-popular audiopanel -spinaltap gag. Running audiopanel with the -spinaltap flag makes the VU meters go to 11. Naturally.

Re:SGI message - has anybody else had this?

[quantaman]

Did you have your towel with you?

Re:SGI message - has anybody else had this?

[obidobi]

DOUBLE PANIC is nothing compared to

MEGA PANIC
ULTRA PANIC
MONSTER PANIC

sorry to much ut2k3 ;)

Re:SGI message - has anybody else had this?

[stu_coates]

I'm sure I've seen the Double Panic on Sequent Dynix boxes also.

Re:SGI message - has anybody else had this?

[Nevrar]

Hitchikers Guide....

PC Load Letter

[Brian_Ellenberger]

WTF Does PC Load Letter mean!!!

Re:PC Load Letter

[ocelotbob]

It means it's telling you to load Letter sized paper into the Paper Cartridge, as opposed to the Manual Feed, which gave my personal favorite error of MF Load Letter - best expanded to Mother Fucker, Load the Letter =3.

Erorrs like this are usually caused by the fact that many embedded devices, like the procs in laser printers, have very small roms, and very small displays, which means they are almost forced to, by design, give just enough of an error message to send you scurrying to the manual to find out what's "really" wrong with the printer.

Re:PC Load Letter

[Anonymous Coward]

I love when a perfectly reasonable human being is able to completely ruin a good joke.

Thank you sir.

Re:PC Load Letter

[Yebyen]

Oh, come on... like Motherfucker Load the Letter doesn't enhance the value of that joke? ;)

make love

[stile]

That's like the fun command you could use on some older versions of make:

$ make love
make: don't know how to make love. Stop.

Re:make love

[joebp]

Or even:

MAKE Version 5.2 Copyright (c) 1987, 1999 Inprise Corp.
Fatal: 'love' does not exist - don't know how to make it

Re:make love

[Anonymous Coward]

In the 1980s, some BSD versions of make would respond to "make love" with:

Not war?

Re:make love

[larien]

Some version of make had a special case:

$ make love
Not war?

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

one of my favourites

[anonymous coword]

In Microsoft word ask clippy 'Are you stupid?' He will reply 'I dont know what you mean'

Not funny on its own but

[skip277]

I used to use an old Mac (System 7 something) at work with "Earth" as it's machine name. It had a pretty small hard drive and one day we recieved the error "There is no more room on Earth. Please delete some files." We deleted some files, took a screenshot and made a poster out of it. It might still be hanging up there.

Re:Not funny on its own but

[jafac]

I used to label my drive "DEFECTIVE" - so that whenever I did a DIR, it said - "The volume label on drive C: is DEFECTIVE"

Re:Not funny on its own but

[Tablizer]

I used to label my drive "DEFECTIVE" - so that whenever I did a DIR, it said - "The volume label on drive C: is DEFECTIVE"

A sign of hacky developers is a bunch of production files, tables, and directies named things like "test5" or "try3".

Even I have fell into that trap once or twice when there were deadlines looming and there is not enough time to change a bunch of test references back to real names.

Re:Not funny on its own but

[sg_oneill]

Ok. This is a bad admission but here goes. I *used* to have a bad habit of using bizare dada names for test variables so they would stick out at me when cleaning code up for production. Some of them where just ludicrous. I realised the practice was getting way too whacky when the boss came in red in the face asking what the fuck a variable called "MaryCarefullyWipesHerFrock" was doing in his precious code, and why it was commented that it was "being taken from behind by intDuckMonster"

Re:Not funny on its own but

[BreakWindows]

> Forth will rise again

ITYM "again will rise Forth" :)

Yoda You Like Are If FORTH Understand You Will Then

Re:Not funny on its own but

[arcadesdude]

I lable mine TOO LOUD for obvious reasons!

C:\WINDOWS\Desktop>dir /w/o/p

Volume in drive C is TOO LOUD

Helpful Netware error

[Anonymous Coward]

I remember that in NW 4.x inetcfg, fooling around with the interfaces (maybe ppp on an async interface? I forget) you could get an error message reading

Blah Blah
Blah Blah
Blah Blah

Very useful, indeed.
-- Shanti

C++ Templates

[SuperKendall]

For sheer length, it's hard to beat C++ template errors.

I had a friend at work who hund a nice full page error message hung on his wall as a monument to C++ templates.

Re:C++ Templates

[Daleks]

Nested template error messages can be somewhat understandable if typedef's are used for all intermediate types. But yes, when g++ starts ranting about basic_string or basic_stream jargon you're toast. I've actually had MSVC++ generate a secondary error for each template error becaues the template error message was too long and had to be truncated. My favorite compiler error of all time though is found in gcc:

gcc: too many errors, bailing out.

That surely strikes confidence into the heart of would be programmers.

Re:C++ Templates

[cookd]

I think it was worse than that -- MSVC6 compiling with debug info enabled generates a (very long) warning for every template symbol generated, letting you know that the whole name for the symbol didn't fit into the debug info. This makes finding an important warning or error a major pain.

Took me forever to figure out how to disable the warning. It seems broken. But if you disable the warning before you include any headers, it usually works...

Re:C++ Templates

[drinkypoo]

It's funny that you mention this. In Tactical Ops, a mod for Unreal Tournament, I occasionally get errors in about 8 point text which create a dialog box which nearly fills my entire screen.

I am running 1600x1200 resolution.

Does that seem excessive to anyone?

Re:C++ Templates

[srichman]

For sheer length, it's hard to beat C++ template errors.

Wtf is a template error message beautifier for g++, written in perl.

Use it like this: wtf ./configure or wtf make or wtf g++

HAL9000

[lateralus_1024]

[in soothing voice]"Dave, I'm afraid I can't let you do that."

linux

[Kallahar]

When installing linux you can get this error:

***Kernel panic: I have no root and I want to scream

if you don't tell the kernel where to find it's root filesystem.

Travis

Re:linux

[Dynedain]

Thats actually a refference to a short story by Harlan Ellison called "I have no mouth, and I must scream" wherein a computer ai (called AM) has destroyed/controlled the entire world save 4 people it keeps alive simply to torture.

Re:linux

[Anonymous Coward]

I read that story. It is NOT a pleasant one. Gave me the creeps.

Re:linux

[Anonymous Coward]

Favorite linux error, "This device is not a typewriter".
(Can't remember where, - haven't got the sources handy to grep through).

Favorite random error message from old command line utility for dos, (which if I remember correctly was a cut-down SED): "File not found and does not exist"

Re:linux

[Ayende Rahien]

That was a really creepy story.
I read it some 6 - 8 years ago, and I can still remember it, that means something.
BTW, it's not exactly AI, it'd develop to god-like style thingie.
In the end, one person kills the other, and the AI make it into something that can't kill itself, so it can amuse itself.

Roxio EZ-CD Creator

[Anonymous Coward]

"A Catastrophic Error Has Occured.

Re:Roxio EZ-CD Creator

[Anonymous Coward]

I think of a lot of places where such an error would have a much more drastic effect...

"Uhh, tower, this computer thing isn't working correctly... It has a blue screen and an error message. Over."
"Flight AA751*. I'm not a technician. Why should I be concerned about this? Over."
"Tower. Because the message says 'A Catastrophic Error Has Occured' and I'm over downtown Manhattan right now. Over."

Please note the disclaimer:

* Any flight numbers used here are purely randomly chosen and have no relationship with real or fictional flight number operated by American Airlines or any airline. The message is Copyright (c) 2002 The Author (who wishes to remain autonomous), all rights reserved. You may not copy, redistribute or otherwise transfer or duplicate this post by any electronic, mechanical or other means, including, but not limited to, photocopying, printing out and scanning in, selecting the message and copying to a clipboard or other form of tempory storage, or by typing it in manually, or retrieving from a form of non-volatile electronic or magnetic storage, or using a screen reader to read it out and record it using using an electronic recording device. You may not memorise this post or otherwise store it in any from that can later by retrieved whatsoever. You may store one (1) copy of this post for up to 90 days after it's placement in the public domain, namely 80 years after the author's death, in a museum or other publically viewable place or location, should the The Author agree to this after his, her or it's death. This message is protected by DoubleROT13® (2ROT13 or ROT26), and decryption therof, without payment of services rendered, namely the sum of a quantity of money not disclosed in this licencse and available only under the terms of an NDA that you would never agree to anyway, to The Author is strictly prohibited under the terms of this contract, punishable by up 999 years, 11 months and thirty days in prison under a law that has not been written yet and may never come into effect, but is hereby made retrospectively applicable to this here license. Should this law never be put into effect, the licensee must ensure that such a law be put into effect. You hereby agree to hold the The Author harmless fo any damage occured by this post, including but not limited to, incidental, accidental, coincidental, negligent or intentional damage or injuries to or destruction or death of persons, animals, plants or non-animate objects. Under no circumstances is this post intended for "fail safe systems", including, but not limited to, nuclear weapons, atomic power plants, weapons systems, aerospace, space and aircraft navigation systems and weapons of mass destruction. Under no circumstances shall The Author be responsible if Al Kaydah or related groups recover this post, in whole or in part or not at all, and use it as a weapon of mass destruction. Under no circumstances shall this post be construed as a formal declaration of war against New Zealand, it's states, oversees territories or the loyal subjects of HER ROYAL MAJESTY'S SHIP Queen Elizabeth the Second, her decendants or her ancestors. This licence shall remain in effect even if it has no validity whatsoever. By copying this license or the content it applies to from or to any form of digital or analogue media, you hearby agree to be bound be all terms, regardless of how ridiculous they may seem, until such a time as The Author terminates the contract. Should you wish to terminate the contract prematurely, please bring a suitcase stuffed with $100 notes (that's US dollars) to 1, Microsoft Way, Redmond. Wait until some security officer asks what the hell you are doing, show him the notes and then make up an absurd lie after you get arrested, to insure maximum amusement for THe Author. Amen.

THE END

Re:Roxio EZ-CD Creator

[ShadowBlasko]

I just *know* I'm going to karma hell for this, but I can't resist.

The disclaimer on my website reads as follows...

This page may or may not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; you may distribute this message freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead, or undead is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; This page is provided "as is" without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; an equal opportunity website; no shoes, no shirt, no problem; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory - explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this webpage, or a printout of, could be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician; html is ribbed for your pleasure; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to read; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God/Goddess/Cthulhu/Pikachu/Pikathulhu etc, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply.

Okay, you can kill me now.

kernel died.

[shawnhh]

kernel died.

fairly common headache with mandrake.

Re:kernel died.

[zulux]

kernel died.

fairly common headache with mandrake.

Thank you #597219. You account has been creadited with USD$68.09 for your well moderated post. Well done!

-MSDN Astro Team

Re:kernel died.

[shawnhh]

My post does not mean I dislike *nix, only Mandrake. The 9.0 installer is looping right now on another computer. Redhat installed fine.

Oh, dear!

[Black Parrot]

Something has gone awry.

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[taniwha]

yeah "too many errors on a line - make fewer" was always one of my faves

Here's a classic

[Anonymous Coward]

This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. If the problem persists, contact the program vendor.

_
Great Windows Cursor Replacements Here

Insert what to continue?

[AKA da JET]

Not exactly an error message. More of a message error, but I'm sure alot of people have heard of the "Please insert dick and press any key to continue..." urban legend. Ouch.

Re:Insert what to continue?

[Tablizer]

Not exactly an error message. More of a message error, but I'm sure alot of people have heard of the "Please insert dick and press any key to continue..." urban legend. Ouch.

Imagine the lawsuit when some newbie takes it literally while running porn software.

Tech support line: "You reformatted your what?"

The first time I ever used Windows NT

[Anonymous Coward]

I had the strangest error message. It said something to the effect of an error has occurred would you like to view the log or something to that effect. It said an error occurred because of the following... the operation was successfully completed.

I guess even Windows knows something is wrong when it does something correctly.

In Delphi

[WetCat]

I was quite puzzled when I saw

Error message: Abstract error.

Re:In Delphi

[Anonymous Coward]

Error message: Abstract error.

Fucking OOP spehgetti shit no doubt.

Testing halt instruction

[Anonymous Coward]

was the last thing printed on the console during the boot sequence

it never spoke to me again. (well duh!)

-Fishtank

here's one

[prostoalex]

* Please choose 'formkeys' for the category!
Thank you.

PHP

[GigsVT]

PHP has a pretty bad one. If you try to do a passthrough or fopen of a file that is loaded over http, and the file is 404 or permission denied you get something like:

Error on line 65: fopen("http://my-url/","r") - Success

The developers have some contrived argument about why this isn't a bug, but it sure is confusing the first time you see it. Maybe they are trying to make a philosophical statment, that success is an error?

Lawson Insight Desktop (LID)

[fooguy]

We replaced our financial system this year with the shinest new version of Lawson, so this one has been around for a while. They have something like eight front ends, but the terminal based front end -- The Lawson Insight Desktop, or LID -- happens to be the fastest, and has been around the longest. Each form you load has a default action (Inquire/Add/Chage/etc), but sometimes you run into this:

In an Action Mode of 'No Action' You Must Select an Action to Perform.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[packeteer]

Thats standard error code. You just specify a boolean situation that SHOULD never happen and if it does do this. Thats how errors are done in major programs.

Meaningless Error

[Giggles Of Doom]

I get one all the time in a insurance program that says "Rating Error." But it won't tell what the actual error is, where it is, and you can't use any of the logs to figure out either!

DTK BIOS

[Traaj]

Once a DTK BIOS on a 286 proclaimed:

"Sector does not found"

Drama queen software

[BernardMarx]

Once, while installing Worms World Party:

----
| Error: Install Error
| Reason: Catastrophic Failure
| OK?
----

Way to diagnose the problem...

Re:Drama queen software

[Anonymous Coward]

I always knew it was a bad idea to give bazookas to worms... sheesh. What next? Concrete Donkeys?

Re:Drama queen software

[Deosyne]

What, the exploding sheep flying about with capes on weren't enough for you? ;)

Stupid C

[IamTheRealMike]

You know C is a language in need of some help when I get an error that says:

"Because this program is running as root, the error message below cannot be properly formatted and may appear incorrectly:

Failure while attempting %s"

We may make fun of Microsoft, but that really, really cheesed me off.

Re:Stupid C

[Spock the Vulcan]

You know C is a language in need of some help when I get an error that says:

"Because this program is running as root, the error message below cannot be properly formatted and may appear incorrectly:

Failure while attempting %s"

We may make fun of Microsoft, but that really, really cheesed me off.

Why? The compiler seems to be doing the sane, safe thing here. Why are you trying to do a compile as root anyway?

Re:Stupid C

[Anonymous Coward]

No, your problem is that the creators of that particular app fucked up but good.

Re:Stupid C

[0x0d0a]

Seems that if it's trying to avoid sprintf(), it could just use snprintf() instead of doing this...

Error killing decode thread...

[kithkaddith]

A friend 'o' mine once got an error message (while running Win95, I think) which read:
Error killing decode thread.
Error asking thread to die.

We all think it was just a virus, but it amusing at the time.

Re:Error killing decode thread...

[MattCohn.com]

With Winamp? No, that's not a virus, I got that too. Made a screen shot, but I'm sure I wouldn't be able to find it.

Re:Error killing decode thread...

[kithkaddith]

Yeah, he (friend) says he got it twice: once off of a disk (whatever that means) and the second with Winamp.

ACCESS Will now update your existing database.

[lateralus_1024]

"ACCESS Will now update your existing database"

Re:ACCESS Will now update your existing database.

[Anonymous Coward]

"ACCESS Will now update your existing database"

Probably because that peice of shit also updates new and deleted databases also.

HTTP 503.1

[utahjazz]

Service unavailable due to link posted on Slashdot.

got this after an online registration...

[grey3]

error: The account was succesfully created

old mac error

[stile]

I was playing with some 3d graphing calculator program on a mac about 7 years ago (my school had all macs, bah). I guess I confused it really well, because it came up with one of those cryptic mac error messages:

error -11309

But this time it had an interesting twist, because the single button at the bottom of the error dialog was labelled "Darn!".

From the old Sierra game

[Sycraft-fu]

Hero's Quest 2 (aka Quest for Glory 2). It was possable to get the game to throw an error that was to the effect of "Oops, you did something we didn't think of" and it would then crash. I was able to do this fairly repeatably against a certian enemy by throwing a fireball at it right as it got close enough for the game to try to switch to the combat interface (you could damage enemies in the normal wlaking around interface with long range stuff, but it switched to combat mode when they got close).

Re:From the old Sierra game

[angelo]

I once picked up a phone in Police Quest 3 at the wrong time and got this message. Also got it once leaving the police station. How they didn't think of it before was beyond me.

Errors covering errors

[Ektanoor]

Many years ago, one of my colleagues fell into a weird situation. He was quite good in Assembler and wrote some quite long program. When he finished, he said that he doubts that the program could work. "I should have done some checks before finishing it..." He compiles the program, gets ready for some long debugging and... the program works... He stares at the screen.
"Something is wrong here..."
"What?" I ask.
"The program works...".
"Well it should doesn't it?".
"No, it shouldn't, no one can write Assembler in such volume and avoid errors..."
"But does the program give the right result?"
"Yes, but that's impossible! I nearly guessed how to do it. How can it work?.."

So he starts checking the program. Finds nothing. Debugs it, all seems to work. Then he starts to doubt that the results are correct. So he makes two three checks by hand. Then he writes a small segment of the program and things go nuts.He gets back to the whole program and starts debugging it, step by step. In the end, and after taking four times more what took him to create the program, he approaches me with some clear relief.

"There were errors..."
"So the result was wrong..."
"No, the result was absolutely right!"
"!?!"
"Well, the fact is that I did one offset wrong but in other section of the program, another error in made returned the values to normal. That's why the program worked fine..."

How many such programs exist?

Re:Errors covering errors

[Fnkmaster]

That's like the old CS51 assignment I did where for NO apparent reason, an index was magically one off at the end of some large array calculation, so when I printed the results out, the first result in this array was always a zero. The solution? I simply added one to the pointer before printing the array.

Of course, my TA called me out on it when I got the graded result back -- she had taken off three points. I said, fine, if YOU can find the flaw in the rest of my logic, then I will accept that I made a mistake and deserved to be docked three points. She rapidly gave up, and only took off one point instead. :) The joys of pointer arithmetic.

Re:Errors covering errors

[ca1v1n]

I once wrote a program that had an off-by-one error in it that would resize the relevant vector to be one element larger than it needed to be, and initialize that value to zero. It had another error where I had a of one on the wrong side of a parenthesis in a modulus operation to calculate the address in the vector, so when it should have been looking at index 0, it was looking at index n. Fortunately, all the work on element 0 was done with it stored as a temporary variable, and when it was written back, if all else had gone well, it should have contained a 0 anyway. When I printed out my data, it just put in the 0 at the end of the vector in place of the 0 at the beginning, and the TA figured I must know something special because he didn't understand how it worked.

Re:Errors covering errors

[Space_Nerd]

Try windows.

Re:Errors covering errors

[sql*kitten]

How many such programs exist?

Have you ever had that feeling when you've written your program, it compiles with no errors, but you are afraid to run it because if it doesn't work, you've no idea what else to try?

Re:Errors covering errors

[bkocik]

Have you ever had that feeling when you've written your program, it compiles with no errors, but you are afraid to run it because if it doesn't work, you've no idea what else to try?

Gawd yes! I thought I was the only one. =)

That exact thing happened to me a few months ago. I wrote a fairly large and complex routine in Java that for whatever reason I was unable to test incrementally as I went along (I don't even remember what it was I was writing), and at the end, the thing compiled without a hitch. I sat there staring at my screen thinking "If this thing doesn't work right, I'll have no idea how to fix it...".

Luckily, it worked. *phew*

An annoying error

[Anonymous Coward]

$ cp folder /mnt/win
cp : ommiting folder.

BUT I WANT TO COPY THAT FOLDER STUPID!

Re:An annoying error

[Panoramix]

$ cp folder /mnt/win
cp : ommiting folder.

BUT I WANT TO COPY THAT FOLDER STUPID!

cp -r folder /mnt/win

Shouldn't you be using Windows?

Best error message ever

[good-duckspeak]

From a very unhappy BSD/OS ( 2.0 or so ) machine:

You don't exist. Go away.

Re:Best error message ever

[Anonymous Coward]

You can also get that error from OpenSSH if you don't have a password file created properly - I've seen this a couple of times on Windows. Disconcerting ;)

Re:Best error message ever

[Anonymous Coward]

Posted as AC for obvious reasons...

I've gotten that error. I rpm -Uvh(ed) the kernel modules on a running system. I think it was RedHat 4.x and I was new at it. The system was really unhappy. So was I.

Best two Windows errors:

Yellow triagle (like a yield sign) with the *BONK* noise, an exclamation point on it, one button: OK

Windows needs the disk (unknown). Please insert (unknown).

I have a screenshot of that one.

Re:Best error message ever

[demi]

Yes, I got this when I overwrote the password file with garbage on the company's only HP-UX server and then tried to su to fix it. I was at home, called in, told everybody not to log out under any circumstances while I drove in quick.

Re:Best error message ever

[rrf]

I have also seen this on RedHat 5.x, when the passwd file is broken. Funny the same error is the same on so many OS's.

My Best Ever

[coene]

Is when Windows Media Player 6 (before all the gooey interface stuff) gave me an:

Error #112233:
Catastrophic Failure

And then it continued to play the Divx movie fine....

Re:My Best Ever

[nchip]

I got this with Microsoft SQL server Enterprise Manager..

screenshot here.

Scared the hell out of me turned out to mean "I just lost the connection to database". Someone really thought of usefull error messages..

Re:My Best Ever

[Anonymous Coward]

Maybe it was just trying to denigrate your life's accomplishments. :-)

my favorite SQL error message EVER

[Anonymous Coward]

This is my favorite SQL error message EVER: An aggregate cannot appear in an ON clause unless it is in a subquery contained in a HAVING clause or select list, and the column being aggregated is an outer reference.

Old WinNT error: Peter-Pan style...

[Anonymous Coward]

...actually saw this one while I was working at M$ tech support. Happened on my own machine too:

Error: Jump to Never Never Land

Kinda reminds me of the classic "Branch to Fishkill" (look in the jargon file if you don't know that one).

BEA Weblogic

[rfsayre]

When you're short on disk space and you attempt to start Weblogic, it will log a reflection exception that says

"Error while verifying magic: expected EOF"

In deep history....

[Anonymous Coward]

The Burroughs 5500 (which was a long row of refrigerators with blinky lights) had only two letter console commands.... probably 'cause in those days only secretaries -- remember them? -- know how to type.

The typical routine was you would type in a command, the the system would repond. Frequently prefixing an "O" (On) for toggle-type commands.

One command that always scared me was:

"EI == Emergency Interrupt: stops all processing one the system"

I had no idea what would happen if I ever had to use it... this was like a gigantic multi-processing multi-processor multi-user system -- a couple of decades ahead of the state of the art, I was totally in love with it and afraid of messing it up.

So one time, late at night, no users on the system so I could just muck about, I typed this emergency command -- all it did was respond that the emergency interrupt was "On".

I stil remembe the transcript of that session:

input> EI
EIO

If you can see this press OK

[lyberth]

If you are unable to see this press Cancel.

Message i got when installing Windows XP

Re:If you can see this press OK

[breon.halling]

Message i got when installing Windows XP

Yep, there's your mistake right there. ;)

Re:If you can see this press OK

[Val314]

sounds like whats happening after you change the resolution. if you can see the everything press ok, or else cancel (or press Esc or just wait 15 sec)

I've got a good one.

[Anonymous Coward]

Where I work we use this app called EZNews (its for scripting news shows, television..)

It's a decent piece of software, but it has quite a few odd quirks.

Anyway, one day I'm going to print my CG list, and an error message appears..

~~"Some sort of error has occurred"~~

I've seen it MANY times now.. ah boy :)

Not really an error, per se, but...

[Anonymous Coward]

While installing drivers for a Samsung monitor:

"Window is needed to be restarted.
Do You want to restart window right now?"

ssh error

[91degrees]

You don't exist. Go away

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[tdelaney]

Actually, that is very poor error reporting. It gives no indication of what the error is. It gives no indication of *where* the error is.

At the very least, the line number should be written to a log file, with as much data as you can pull together. A better thing to do is to write a stack trace to a log file, with a snapshot of the environment when it occurred (what you tried to do, locals, globals, etc).

Great old Amiga error message...

[nathanis]

I remember I was using an old Amiga disk-doctor type utility, and I got this wonderful error message:
'Cannot mark bad blocks because the block used for marking bad blocks is bad.'
Say THAT 10 times fast.
I've been telling this wonderful story to my computer friends for ages, and finally, I have an online outlet for it! Yay!

Re:Great old Amiga error message...

[mindstrm]

I love it. Funny, and yet accurate and descriptive.

Re:Great old Amiga error message...

[ShawnD]

I liked the disk error from the OS:
"You MUST insert disk 'DiskName' in drive DF0:!!!" that you got if you removed a disk during a write. If you didn't put it back you would end up with a corrupt filesystem and have to wait a while while it fixed it.

I know people who got these 2 errors

[cioxx]

error
and
error2

MS IE Error

[$0.02]

A system error that should never happen has happened.

LSI-11

[fidget42]

While in college, we did our assembly programming on an LSI-11 single board computer. Whenever you mistyped a command it gave you the most helpful of all error messages: What?

Re:LSI-11

[ShadowDrake]

A very similar UI exists with the awful BASIC in the TRS 80 Model 1, Level 1. This is the little unpleasant 4k machine that requires a propriatery B&W monitor and looks like a Commodore dipped in paint. I guess the intent was to seem human-like-familiar and chatty, but it just led to frustration for me. The box is sitting somewhere.

KOM Networks Optistorm product

[Cliffm]

"Too many secrets"

WTF???

Re:KOM Networks Optistorm product

[Pyrosophy]

It's a reference to the movie "Sneakers". Quite funny. Not a bad movie either.

VNAM:NANKIN Nibble too large.

[Anonymous Coward]

My favorite error message of all time. Very informative to the users. This error would occur when importing corrupt PDL graphic images into Lotus Manuscript.

Yeah

[Anonymous Coward]

"lint's little mind is fried"

and the infamous...

$ got a light?
got: no match

Huh?

[Anonymous Coward]

I once got a Mac error box pop up. It said, "Huh?", and an OK button. That was it. It was followed by an instant bomb box (system error).

Until very recently, Proteus (www.indigofield.com) would generate the error "What the...?!" when it lost a connection to the chat servers.

Mac OS X's standard program-died message is "The program 'suchandsuch' has unexpectedly quit. The system and other open programs are unaffected." This is intended to show off X's protected memory. Once or twice I've gotten a kernel panic when that happens ;)

The Absolute Classic

[Anonymous Coward]

A year ago, or so, while walking round PC World I was surprised (!) to see quite a few windows machines that had blue screened or crashed. One of the machines was sat at a DOS screen and simply had the message:

Windows has stopped.

On the screen!

The most informative error message I've ever seen!

Other humorous error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

A friend once got a javascript error that would have made Bill Clinton proud:

'is' is not defined

I once got a Windows message telling me to insert the CD labeled 'Windows 98' into the floppy drive C: (really! all three in one!)

But my favorite was an old mainframe warning:

Warning: Starting system abort routine. Enter 'go' to continue or 'no' to stop.

To this day I don't know whether 'go' would continue aborting, or continue running, nor whether 'no' would stop running, or stop aborting!

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Jucius Maximus]

From the MS Office Clippy:

Clippit has performed an illegal operation and will be arrested.

From an old issue of PC Magazine:

Error 23 occured when attempting to report that error 23 occured.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Tablizer]

Error 23 occured when attempting to report that error 23 occured.

That reminds me of a screenshot I once saw that said:

Not enough memory to display error m

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Anonvmous Coward]

I got an error message once: The process completed successfully.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

I've gotten this one before:

"Something went wrong."

(OK)

Re:Other humorous error messages

[tantrum]

I was kinda surprised when I wanted to use a NT4 box to surf, and I suddenly got an error stating "The internet is busy", strangely engough this box was connected to a LAN, and every other network operation worked.

The internet was not down neither. ;)

Re:Other humorous error messages

[hords]

I like this one!

Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords

Microsoft Article

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Ateist]

My absolute favourite is the good old DOS message if your key-board wasn't connected: "No keyboard detected, press ENTER to continue" logic for computers...

Re:Other humorous error messages

[datadictator]

About three years ago I was working with the imutable Wolf Kotze on a criminal database for the South-African police. It was a SCO/NT/Linux based program with an SQL backend.
The code was later running into the tens of thousands of lines so we got into the habit of using the word FUCK in every single error message.
The reason being that it allowed you to get to the error generation code (the parts where ninety percent of your debugging happens) with a simple text search.

We also kept another set of 'proper ' error messages in a sepperate file, complete with a script to replace them in the code automagically, this way our code would have the funny fuck messages, but the code we shipped would not.

Of course there was a bug in our script and it left one in.
So one night, around three in the morning, my phone rings:
'Hello Venter speaking'
'Mr. Venter, this is Sargeant Willis of the Sunnyside Police Station.'
'Uh yeah ?'
'You are listed as the guy to call if we have problems with the computer system ?'
'Yes ? Can you tell me what's wrong ?'
'It says: No you've gone and fucked the whole system you dimwitted moron !'

Needless to say I the next day I went looking for new employment.

Ciao

Re:Other humorous error messages

[flossie]

Perfectly logical. As soon as you can press ENTER, you can proceed.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[LarsG]

My absolute favourite is the good old DOS message if your key-board wasn't connected

While I'd love to blame BillG for that snafu, the message is displayed by the BIOS during POST.

IBM and the early BIOS clone writers are the ones to blame here.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[selkirk]

A fairly predictable result.

I worked on a system that generated transaction tracking numbers in base 36 (a-z, 0-9). We would occasionally have to intercept the "blue" numbers, although we weren't stupid enough to use base 36 anywhere where a customer would see it.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

Fatal! Write Failure: /etc/vfilters/www.xxxxxx.com. Ignore any messages of success this can only result in failure!

Re:Other humorous error messages

[egreB]

(-8
The best part of the article is
"Note that the number of required characters changes from 17,145 to 18,770 with the installation of SP1."

What a service pack!

Re:Other humorous error messages

[fshalor]

Two favorites:

1. You don't exist. Go away. (Trying to ssh under an invalid username. I did NOT need it when it came up. I didn't touch a computer for about an hour after.)
   
2. Something Wicked happened while trying to resolve...(I love debian. I don't think this happens anymore with apt-get, but it was funny.)
   

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Deathlizard]

My Personal Favorite is From Fortres Clean Slate 1.1 BSOD

COW: There Are No Pages Left. It Is Too Deep.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[gfxguy]

cdrecord, when successful, ends with something like:

Error 0: no error.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[invenustus]

You don't exist. Go away. (Trying to ssh under an invalid username....)

It's funny, but in all seriousness, isn't that poor security? If somebody's trying to come up with a username/password combination by brute force, aren't you cutting their job down by a square root or so by telling them if the username is valid? Sure, that kind of bruteforcing is hard to do anyway, but I'd prefer for the software just to answer yes or no to the user/pass combination.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Myself]

I got "You do not exist. Go away." while trying to ctrl-alt-del a Slackware installation many years ago.

I giggled for a moment, then got really worried and jabbed for the power switch.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[rEWDBOi]

Error _23_ of all things.. I guess it was the Illuminati preventing Error 23 to be reported.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

I've never seen this error generated by SSH, or anything SSH might do. A friend of mine (a sysadmin at a competing ISP) once called me into his office to pay homage to this error message. The previous command had been "rm /etc/passwd". He still had a shell, but everything he typed, including "exit" gave him the error:
"You don't exist. Go away."

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Sir Tristam]

I worked on a system that generated transaction tracking numbers in base 36 (a-z, 0-9). We would occasionally have to intercept the "blue" numbers...

Been there, done that for temporary file names. The correct answer: use base 31 (just like base 36 but exclude aeiou). No additional processing to see if you've created a bad word, because without the five main vowels you're not going to be creating many words. Any "bad words" that a user complains about can be attributed to their dirty mind and not your dirty program, so it's pretty safe to use where a user might see it.

I can't claim credit for coming up with this plan, though. I got it from the book _Programming as if People Mattered_, by Nathaneil S. Borenstein, which has several other examples of off-beat error messages and broken user interfaces.

Chris Beckenbach

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Kosi]

You guys have problems, LOL! Who the f**k 'd care about a tmp file or transaction num containing a four letter word if it's obvious that it was not generated intentionally?

cu

Kosi

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

Grasshopper. Your assumptions will be your undoing. Did you consider that it might NOT be obvious that it was "not generated intentionally"? Take, for example, the paranoid guy who gets a service number of U-FUKW1T

Re:Other humorous error messages

[Codifex Maximus]

While booting:
Keyboard error - press any key to continue...

While running Access:
Error 0: There is no message for this error.

Re:Other humorous error messages

[noweb4u]

I think the shell does this if you are logged in under a UID that no longer exists in /etc/passwd. I got this not too long ago when there was a machine at work that was so hosed it couldn't get a free file handle to open /etc/passwd. I logged in and it told me "You do not exist. Go away."

It seemed no-so-humorous at the time, but I laugh now when I think about it.

browser error

[joshsnow]

the best browser error has to be 404 not found.

Think about it.

Error:

[mindstrm]

A popup dialog box saying:

Error: Operation completed successfully.

No indication of what software generated it or why.

On windows of course.

Perl

[JimR]

According to the Camel book Perl may output the following error:

internal disaster in regexp

but only if there's a bug in the regexp parser. (I've certainly never seen it).

IIRC awk on HP-UX used to only have one error, something along the lines of:

syntax error near line 1.
bailing out.

And I remember a long time ago seeing some Windows service fail to start "due to the following error: Success".

Gnome

[dasheiff]

* Need To Add Memory Dealication Code Here *

-Message after exiting Gnome from an exported X session.

PCAnywhere 9.2 error message

[el-schwa]

This has to be my all time favorite, but PCAnywhere for Windows will give me "Error loading error message." on boot.

Microsoft Knowledge Base Article - Q325038

[cpeterso]

Q325038: Calendar Type May Change to Japanese Emperor Era When Outlook Runs

Regrets

[TheInsaneSicilian]

"Regrets, I've had a few, first and foremost I'd like to mention YOU! (I knew this wouldn't work right!) Error 1."

message

[CaptTrips]

"Your computer has a virus. Type: FORMAT C: to purge the virus."

Norton Anti-Virus 3.x on Win95

[lateralus_1024]

After a 20+minute download (with 33.6kbps isp)I launched the Virus Definition Update package only to get the confirmation:

"The following file may have a Virus, contiue anyway?"

This was a NortonAV popup messagebox, not netscape or ie.

Magic number

[yamla]

'Bad magic number failure'. I was a first year university student and had no idea what was going on. It was a Unix system. :)

System Shock

[Anonymous Coward]

'Please Salt the Fries'

Win98 Device Manager

[hoagieslapper]

I cam across this error while trying to trouble shoot a hardware problem on a Win98 machine.

"The device is not working properly because the device is not working properly"

Thanks Bill for the info!

please call...

[Anonymous Coward]

I once saw an error message that basically said:

Please call (a programmer's name) at (phone number).

Ellen Error

[Kenshin]

This page in particular has the forbearer error to Ellen Feiss:
http://www.mixed-up.com/markb/humor/mpc.ht ml

"Huh ?"

You do not exist...

[Chicane-UK]

I am sure that everyone who has used Linux has at some point or other made the mistake of putting a blank line at the top of the /etc/passwd file - then when you try and login or pretty much do anything on a console, you get that message :

"You do not exist - go away."

I had hit happen once or twice when I was new to Linux.. it can be a little concerning :)

My own

[mikecarrmikecarr]

I used to use random strings in my programs as error messages... I didn't know that you could dump line numbers / file names by using __LINE__ and __FILE__. Anyways, I always picked unusual ones so that I could grep through my source files to pick out the error message.

I realized the error in my ways when I was approached by a confused co-worker who wanted to know what a ``fuzzy apple has red balls'' error message meant ;)

two bags of tricks

[Anonymous Coward]

The dungeon collapses.

Guru meditation

[dooby]

I liked this error message Amigas used to give: "GURU MEDITATION #XXXXXXXX.YYYYYYYY". For the curious, it's explained better here.

Re:GURU MEDITATION

[LoonXTall]

Your .sig is correct--you are wrong. The Amiga gave out 32-bit errors, with a period between them.

In case anyone cares, for the error number you give, that's an illegal instruction encountered at address 0x8001.

My favorite meditations were the equivalent of the UNIX bus error, when the given address was way outside the 24-bit space that our A500 used.... "87FFFFFC? What's it doing there?"

Re:GURU MEDITATION

[Jace of Fuse!]

Actually, that's just the last part of the error, I left out quite a bit because memory did fail me.

However, the final part of the error message was two sets of four numbers.

The first part, if I remember correct (and I don't claim to be remembering everything perfectly), had something to do with the ROM range, and the second was an error number, at least, in some of the GURU types anyway.

000C -- Failed Sanity Check.

Look it up.

Re:GURU MEDITATION

[LoonXTall]

You could very well be right about that particular error. C != (3|4), one of which is the illegal instruction code. (Wow, I haven't done any assembly in years now. I can't even remember what the most common guru error I saw was!) Silly me for counting letters of the alphabet....

If the post-. part of the number was really two separate 16-bit codes, there was no visual element to separate them, and the first one was quite often 0000. The pre-. part was certainly an address; I could tell by where it crashed whether it was something I did (0020xxxx) directly or whether it was something I caused the ROM to do (00Fxxxxx). (0020xxxx because we had a whopping 2 MB of fast RAM. On a pair of 30-pin 1x8 SIMMs even, and those were the high-density modules...)

One last note... we only had two A500's, and it really wasn't until our second one with Workbench 1.3 that I got into the assembly programming. I got to see my share of "SOFTWARE ERROR-TASK HELD. Click Retry to try again or Cancel to reset/debug" requesters, in which clicking Retry did nothing and Cancel proceeded to the guru meditation.

Re:GURU MEDITATION

[Jace of Fuse!]

The GURU MEDITATION was replaced in AmigaOS 2.0x, which was what I ran from about the time it become available for older Amigas, on up till I had my A1200 and A4000.

It was simply called a "SOFTWARE FAILURE", and they did indeed format out the error codes differently.

I would hook up the A1200 and GURU it real quick, but it's really not worth it.

In 2.0, there was also a YELLOW version of the GURU called "RECOVERABLE ERROR", it was like the standard "SOFTWARE FAILURE" except 9 out of 10 times it would shut down the application that was running and return you to the Workbench. Not too shabby for an OS without memory protection.

All MVS error messages

[tkrotchko]

All IBM MVS error messages end up saying this in the manual:

ERROR: Error on open macro at the address indicated

PROGRAMMER ACTION: Fix and rerun.

No joke.

Re:All MVS error messages

[rogueroo]

Explanation: The supervisor, or the Supervisor Call (SVC) for the BLDL (build a directory entry list) macro, detected an error during the processing of a LINK(X), XCTL(X), ATTACH(X), or LOAD macro with the EP (entry point) or EPLOC (EP location (address)) operand.

The reason code in register 15 identifies the error:

CodeExplanation

04
The system could not find the module, whose entry point is the value of the EP or EPLOC operand, in the indicated library (private library, job library, or link library). This situation can occur when LSEARCH=YES is specified on the macro and the limited library search fails to locate the module. For an alias name, ensure that the entry point attributes match that of the load module which was previously loaded (that is, authorization, RMODE, entry point displacement).

08
An uncorrectable I/O error occurred when the BLDL control program routine attempted to search the directory of the library that contained the program whose entry point was specified in the EP or EPLOC operand. This can occur if the specified library is an uninitialized partitioned data set (PDS).

An incorrect data extent block (DEB) has been detected by the BLDL control program. The DEB was built in other than protect key 0 through 7.

0C
The supervisor attempted to search a library for the program that the EP or EPLOC operand specifies and found that the library data control block (DCB) is not open.

10
A program issued a LOAD macro with the explicit load option, but there is no DCB parameter. For explicit loads, the program must supply the DCB parameter with the macro because the system searches for the module that the LOAD specifies only in the library that the DCB parameter specifies.

14
The system could not find the module, whose entry point is the value of an EP or EPLOC operand of a XCTL(X) macro, in the link pack area (LPA), which is where the module must be when the module is requested by an SVC routine.

18
An SVC routine issued a XCTL(X) macro for a module. The system tried to search the link pack area directory to find the module, but the directory had not as yet been built.

1C
The data control block (DCB), included as part of a LINK(X), LOAD, XCTL(X), or ATTACH(X) macro is incorrect.

2C
Internal error.

System Action: The system issues a message depending on the reason code accompanying the abend:

CodeMessage

04
CSV003I

08
CSV004I

0C
CSV005I

10
CSV007I

14
CSV008I

18
CSV006I

1C
CSV021I

The system issues an ABEND dump.

Programmer Response: If the reason code is X'04', this is probably a user error. Make sure that the requesting program was not incorrectly modified. Make sure that the source library was indicated correctly and that the indicated library does contain the requested program. For an alias name, make sure the alias attributes match the attributes of the load module which was already loaded; check the library authorization, RMODE, and alias entry point displacement). Also, check that there are no duplicate aliases or related primary module names in the library concatenation. MVS expects that all module names, and aliases, are unique across every library. Correct the error, and run the job step again.

If the reason code is X'14' or X'18', report this completion code to the system programmer.

If the reason code is X'0C' or a X'1C', it is a probable user error. Make sure that the DCB for the library is valid and open. Correct the error and run the job step again.

System Programmer Response: For reason code X'08', resubmit the job. Then have the operator enter a START GTF command specifying tape output, MODE=EXT and TIME=YES. Have the operator reply TRACE=IO in response to message AHL100A.

Format the output with the IPCS GTFTRACE subcommand.

If the error recurs and the program is not in error, see the system programmer response for messages in the job log.

For reason code X'2C' or if the problem persists, search problem reporting data bases for a fix for the problem. If no fix exists, contact the IBM Support Center. Provide the ABEND dump and the source program listing for the job.

Source: Contents supervision (CSV)

SCO Unix Error

[LowellPorter]

A couple of years ago the company I worked for used SCO Unix. Once an error popped up that said "No Sleeping in Stream Head of Pipe".

C64

[Anonymous Coward]

Commodore 64, trying to load games off a floppy only to have everything lock up with the message: PRESS PLAY ON TAPE. What tape? There is no #$*&$@ Tape! Ah those were the days.

Thanks for reminding me

[sh0rtie]

____________________________
Internet Explorer
Line: 142
Char: 7
Error: 'null' is null or not an object
Code:0
URL: http://jobs.microsoft.co.uk/working.asp
_________ ___________________

http://remember.mine.nu/null.jpg

they killed the best one

[Anonymous Coward]

hitting ctrl-alt-delete on dp2? of osx displayed something like "This is not DOS"

Clipper has an error message...

[TerryAtWork]

'Mayhem in the case handler'

From Linux...

[MadHobbit]

I've seen "Dazed and confused, trying to continue..." a few times during boot, I believe when the kernel was having a hard time initializing my NIC.

And, when I didn't know the right way to check a filesystem, e2fsck gave me "WARNING: PROGRAMMING BUG IN E2FSCK! OR SOME BONEHEAD (YOU) IS CHECKING A MOUNTED (LIVE) FILESYSTEM."

zombie user or what?

[rom_el_robbo]

some interesting error messages. bash-2.05# pwd /usr/src/usr.bin bash-2.05# find . -print | xargs egrep -i 'go away' ./ssh/ssh-keygen.c: printf("You don't exist, go away!\n"); ./ssh/ssh.c: log("You don't exist, go away!"); Your are in deep trouble if you get one of these...

WTF?

[xenoweeno]

Software Failure. Press left mouse button to continue.

Guru Meditation #00000025.65045338

Edit your error messages!

[wirelessbuzzers]

Yep. I had a Mac LC. I changed my bomb error to say, "someone set up us the bomb!" Fun, editing error messages. There's a hack somewhere that replaces the BSOD with Haiku:

Windows XP crashed.
I am the blue screen of death.
No one hears your screams.

One for some disk-scanning tool was:

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and loss of data.
Guess which has occurred.

Then there's the
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++
+++MELON MELON MELON+++
+++REDO FROM START+++
error, copied from The Hogfather

Re:Edit your error messages!

[InternalWave]

Late nights typing code
The tape is old! Backup fails
Summer passes by

Re:Edit your error messages!

[Anonymous Coward]

Thank you for knowing how to write a haiku, whereas most others do not.

Re:Edit your error messages!

[wanton]

Here is essentially the bomb for Atari ST computers

http://www.errorwear.com/huge-atarist.html

It would just show up on the left side of the screen. Sometimes there were more than three bombs though. Couldn't find a screen shot and I don't care to take the Atari out of the garage and put it back together for a digicam pic.

VisualStudio On windows...

[hklingon]

Visual Studio enables verbose error messages and a nifty debugger so you can inspect programs when things go awry. Sometimes, it generates messages so verbose, they don't fit on the screen. And you can't get rid of them. Like this one.

Re:VisualStudio On windows...

[Anonymous Coward]

I don't think the long error message is as funny as the computer named "clownturds" that is apparently on your network.

My favorite error

[everyplace]

Installation of Windows XP successful.

A lot is in the interpretation...

[ghostrider_one]

A lot of the humor in error messages is not the messages themselves, but the "interpretation" that l^Husers put on them. The following is an actual conversation that happened last week (transcribed to the best of my memory) with a somewhat clue-challenged individual regarding a Win2k BSOD. I am not kidding. I have witnesses. (Oh, and I'm in Network Engineering, not tech support, so I have a lower tolerance for cretins than I used to..)

Twit: My computer went spastic
Me: (doctor evil voice) Rrrrrrrrrrrrright.
T: You know, it did the thing.
M: Which thing?
T: The blue thing!
M: You mean the blue screen with the white writing?
T: Yes!
M: And what does the white writing say?
T: Windows has something about an error blah blah blah
M: Ohhhhhhhh! One of those blah blah blah errors, they're nasty.
T: You dont have to get smart about it!
M: Well just read out exactly what is written on the screen!
T: Its all gobbeldygook.
(At this point I give up, grab a number 5 cluebat and walk out to reception)
M: The registry is pooched. Did you install that stupid thing your friend emailed you last week?
T: Well yes...
M: The one that pooched your registry LAST week?
T: But you fixed that!
M: Yes, I fixed your registry last week after that stupid program broke it. Now someone has to fix your registry THIS week because the same stupid program broke it AGAIN.
T: (getting angry) Well why did it do that?
M: I didn't write the thing, I dont know.
T: (yelling) Well you SHOULD know!

At this point things got rather ugly, but lets just say the Twit quoted above is currently bitching that she can't run ICQ because she doesnt have power-user rights. (Boo hoo)

Laugh along with gnu

[anonymous coword]

Has these funny errors to laugh at

My personal (own experiences) top 9 list!

[Jugalator]

1. MS Excel: Cannot quit Microsoft Excel. [OK]

2. MS Outlook: The COM Transaction Integrator Resync TP service depends on the SnaBase service which failed to start because of the following error: The operation completed successfully.

3. Cannot copy 16SID_~1. The file exists.

4. MS FrontPage: Out of memory while attempting to allocate 0 byte.

5. MS Word: Cannot execute the command since Unknown is busy.

6. MS Windows Update: This update solves the security problem with an uncontrolled buffer in the SNMP service in Windows XP. You can find more information in MS Security Bulletin MS02-006. Download the problem now to stop malicious users from .... bla bla

7. The window Internet Explorer or the ActiveX-control on this page is busy. If you close this window there might be problems. Do you wish to close the window? [OK/Cancel]

8. Winsock Error: -10000. No Error.

9. Dreamweaver: An unnamed file contains an invalid path. [OK]

Re:My personal (own experiences) top 9 list!

[Anonymous Coward]

"An unnamed file contains an invalid path."

I think you get that when you ask MFC's CFile class to open a file, but supply an empty string instead of the path-and-filename for the file.

I guess it must try and decode the path, figure out its empty and produce the error message "%s contains an invalid path.". Then the error handler tries to add the filename to the message to be helpful, spots that there's no filename and inserts "An unnamed file".

Not all programmers think so little about the best way of communicating with the user, but many do. So basically, if you want to ensure your software has useful messages, when you spec the system, write a section on what error messages you most expect, and what they should report. Don't leave error message design completely to the programmers.

My contribution to the fray.

[fmayhar]

Many years ago, at a small college in Texas, on a Xerox 560 mainframe (which had both core and RADs, for those who are ancient enough to remember them) running CP-V, emitted from a Fortran compiler (which had just crashed while compiling a coed's program for class), just before it dumped its state:

Break Rob's Knuckles

I never learned who Rob was, or what he did, but it apparently didn't work.

Doesn't Apple have an error message...

[TerryAtWork]

'Woah, dude! Something went wrong!

lp1 on fire!

[Anonymous Coward]

Can't believe (subj.) hasn't been posted yet.

Re:lp1 on fire!

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes it has and a long time ago too....

Here is a link to it.

WinXP Goodness

[Anonymous Coward]

The other day I was trying to copy a few hundred files from my server to my local machine. The copy would start and the next thing I know the machine blue screens. Nice. But here's the fun part. I reboot and login and get greeted with

"Windows has just recovered from a serious error"

Granted, it should say "Thank you for recovering Windows from that serious error", and I'd even settle for "Oops", but to say "Windows just recovered from a serious error" is like adding insult to injury. At least if you're going to claim recovery, make sure it does not happen again.

Re:WinXP Goodness

[Reece400]

In XP, i once got a dialog that asked me if i would like to "Cancel, or "Abort" lol :)

I managed to duplicate it a few times, no matter what you hit, it just disapeared doing nothing,,,

Reece,

I have a whole collection of them

[Gruturo]

...but they're mostly graphic. I hold a "Windows Gems" folder with screenshots of the best ones.

One is a confirmation dialog box in which you have FIVE buttons: Yes, OK, Abort, No, OK.

One is Easy Cd creator saying that "The CD cannot be erased. The CD could be dirty of damaged. Clean the CD and retry. Usually, erasing the CD is an acceptable solution". Never figured out the last part of it.

Then I have 2 different flavours of dialog boxes titled "System Error" saying "Operation Completed Succesfully" and only an OK button.

I also have a scary "Cannot exit Microsoft Excel" (!!!) one, plus a whole subfolder of terrible Italian messages translated from the English original with some automatic software..... some real pearls in there ("Guidatore" instead of driver, "Galleggiante" instead of Floating Point)

Great Error Message

[MimsyBoro]

One of the greatest error messages I got lately is: "undefined is undefine"

nice

[orcaaa]

% nice man woman No manual entry for woman.

thousands

[pengwyn]

one sunday nite when the LAN team came in to do upgrades we all found over 2000 messages in our inboxes & in order to download all the messages we had to stay connected through monday
the reason, we thought it'd be a good idea to have the command switches on each floor notify a server, jove, when ever they had a major problem - well there was ONE switch on a floor that couldn't complete his ARP request & each time that occurred he'd tell jove & try again... & again & again & again.
the errors weren't that "gnarly" as they just stated the time, date, & problem but it was pretty damn funny.

Re:thousands

[Anonymous Coward]

error: too many run-on sentences.

(Seriously, in a thread about cryptic messages,
you just posted a very cryptic message, so...)

Re:thousands

[pengwyn]

you mean cryptic like posting anonymously, right?

Re:thousands

[Anonymous Coward]

No, he means cryptic as in posting a huge run on sentence that is difficult to read. Posting an unfunny reply that also doesn't make sense doesn't help you any, either.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[wirelessbuzzers]

elsif($a 0)

die "Error: You shouldn't see this unless I forgot a less than sign (or Slashdot removed it)."

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[davidmccabe]

Or how about:

"You can't modify a constant, float upstream, win an argument with the IRS, or satisfy this compiler." :-D

Oh for the days when Apple had a since of humor.

Master/Slave problems

[Theatetus]

I know what Win2k is trying to say, but I always chuckle when I see this:
"Fatal Error: Inaccessible Boot Device"
after the kernel has booted.

Error 66: Erroneous error

[Anonymous Coward]

From a C compiler...

Windows Hardware

[Punk Walrus]

I can't believe no one has mentioned this from Win9x:

"Windows has detected unknown hardware - attempting to find driver for it."

Uh... it never finds it, does it?

Then there are some home-grown errors I have seen in old Unix E-mail systems (I hope they have changed it):

An error has occured while sending mail. Please mail the sysadmin with the details of what happened when this error occured

By what, postal mail? "Dear sirs: In reguards to an e-mail I received on the machine dated January the 23rd..."

__________________________________________________
Are those cookies made from real Girl Scouts? - Wednesday Addams

anyone see the new page on engrish.com?

[Anonymous Coward]

http://engrish.com/computer. They've got a whole bunch of mangled-english error messages.

the one that really bothered me a lot for the longest time...Java Servlet/Server Pages: Recursive Error occurred. And then it continues on with a stack trace the size of God.

No wonder I prefer ASP!

Re:anyone see the new page on engrish.com?

[MillionthMonkey]

You mean it's impossible to write an endlessly recursive loop in ASP? I guess I must have missed the fanfare when Microsoft solved the halting problem.

Old IBM machine

[roju]

I was testing an old PS/2 machine once to see if it worked, and I was being rather rude to it - yanking out the power cable as it booted, things like that. In any case, after several boots, it just came up with the strangest message.

It had the word "OK" in the "no" symbol (like no smoking signs, the circle with the line through it) followed by "+ 234123 = IBM". That's it. Wouldn't boot past there. Eventually I rebooted it and it booted perfectly - nothing I did would recreate the error. Sadly, I rebooted it before I thought of getting a picture....

Don�t edit the error file

[scotay]

The Progress-based POS system we were developing indexed into a text file of error messages. We would often edit the file to spice up the error messages that filled our days with development horror. Occasionally our development databases got mistakenly deployed to customer sites.

I still remember the call from a curious CFO who called to inquire as to the reason behind the "**no ad_mstr record available you chowderhead!" messages he kept getting.

One of my favorite ones...

[Anonymous Coward]

In Linux, type: nslookup
then once the program is launched, hit CTRL+C

"Fatal Flex Scanner Error"
(or something of the sort)..

What the hell is a Flex Scanner?

Actually it's F1

[Rui del-Negro]

And personally I prefer the ones that said "Keyboard not found; press F1 to continue"

RMN
~~~

Re:Actually it's F1

[InsaneCreator]

Actually, this mesage is not as stupit as it might seem at first, since you really can't do much without a keyboard. And it can be disabled in any (good) BIOS if you're running a keyboard-less server.

Re:Actually it's F1

[cookd]

I know it is funny -- I laughed, ok, so I didn't miss the joke.

However, there is a reasonable purpose for the message. It relies on the assumption that most people want to run their computer with a keyboard attached. So the computer sits there waiting for you to plug your keyboard in. Once you have done so and pressed F1 (or turned off your computer before plugging it in if you are following the directions), you can proceed to boot up your OS. That way, the OS doesn't have to worry about warning the user about the missing keyboard or detecting a new keyboard if it is plugged in too late.

Re:Actually it's F1

[Easy2RememberNick]

I've always found that error to be very Zen :-P

Re:Actually it's F1

[Richardsonke1]

Yeah, i got that error once...right after i fried my keyboard controller. The entire motherboard was totaled. Not a happy day...never did get to press F1.

Re:Actually it's F1

[ModernGeek]

Then it should say, "Keyboard not found, plug keyboard in, and then press F1", but those japanese translators don't spik good english.

Re:Actually it's F1

[Rob Simpson]

But with some GUIs it is at least possible to use the computer without touching a keyboard...so couldn't it say "push F1 or click mouse to continue" or something?

Re:Actually it's F1

[odaiwai]

so now the BIOS has to recognise the mouse? Why don't we implement a set of PS/2 mouse drivers in the BIOS, oh and we need serial too, just in case, and probably USB to make sure we've covered everything, and heck, while we're here and we're using the mouse, let's put a windowing system in the BIOS. 64Mb BIOS ROM?

dave

Re:Actually it's F1

[murgee]

You realize that's been done, right? I have 486 boards with mouse support in the BIOS. And a GUI. (AMI WinBios or somesuch. They suck, IMHO.) My ThinkPad 765XL has a GUI-based BIOS too, with animation and everything (the little ducky mouse cursor has real flapping wings! no, really). Plus, for the most part, and from what I've seen (which lately is just Dell machines), the BIOS probes for a PS/2 mouse anyway. There's also typically USB keyboard support in there at least, so you can use your USB keyboard on a machine with a non-USB capable OS (such as DOS).

Plus, an 8 megabyte (you used little b, I assume you mean bits?) BIOS wouldn't surprise me. I don't know what the BIOS sizes on newer motherboards are now, though.

Re:Actually it's F1

[DunbarTheInept]

No, you see, the stupid part isn't the refusal to continue. The stupid part is the request to press F1. Think about it. Press F1 on *what*? (Keep in mind that often when this message appeared, it was too late to plug in the keyboard at that point - it woudln't be recognized without a reboot.)

Re:Actually it's F1

[ottothecow]

I love the little duck cursor with wings in my thinkpad 360cs that I got for free. if it can be done in that old and bad of a system, why cant it be done on a 2ghz machine?

Re:Actually it's F1

[billcopc]

The BIOS does check for a mouse and keyboard, because it needs to reserve an IRQ for each if present. No mouse/kb on bootup ? then it doesn't grab an IRQ and you can't hot-plug them later on. But you can if you had them on bootup, but later unplugged them.

It's one of those annoying quirks I wish they had an "Always ON" option in the BIOS.

Re:Actually it's F1

[zonker]

if you pull the keyboard or mouse on an old ibm brand computers while it is powered on will kill the keyboard controller requiring you to send it in for service...

Re:Actually it's F1

[Monkelectric]

Ive written dos mouse drivers before ... its really pretty trivial. The hardest part at the time (long ago) was getting documentation on the mouse but a copy of pc secrets cleared that up.

Re:Actually it's F1

[vladkrupin]

It's especially funny if you are running a server at a colocation facility not-so-near you :)

Re:Actually it's F1

[Rui del-Negro]

Well, that would explain why it couldn't see the keyboard: too far away. :)

RMN
~~~

System Administrator

[Anonymous Coward]

What really gets on my tits, is microsofts excuse for an error message:

"Please contact your system administrator."

- I am the fucking adminsitrator and I still don't have a fucking clue!

Re:System Administrator

[ReverendRyan]

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I usually end up throwing things...

Re:System Administrator

[jimfrost]

Heh. I remember helping out tech support with one particular customer who couldn't get our software to run. It fell to me because I wrote the error message that he was seeing.

Our software could run on either X11 or SunView (remember SunView?). I had detection code in there to tell you to try the other version of the program if it encountered certain graphics environment initialization problems.

Well, this guy couldn't get either one to run for some reason. I asked him which window system he was running.

Him: I'm not running either of them.
Me: Well, you have to run one of them.
Him: I can't. Every time I try to start the window system, it says "/dev/fb: File not found".
Me: Oh, ok. Someone must have deleted the framebuffer device. You'll have to talk to your system administrator to restore it.
Him: I /am/ the system administrator.
Me (moaning "oh god" to myself): Ok, then I suggest you call Sun technical support.

If someone was going to walk him through the task of figuring out which video hardware he had installed, I wanted it to be somebody else :-)

Red Screen of Death

[Kircle]

One day at work a guy a few isles down starts screaming, and everyone went to see what was wrong. Apparently, his NT machine got a Red Screen of Death! Totally not making this up. Don't know what he did to make it so beat red mad...

Re:Red Screen of Death

[twanvl]

You can actually set the foreground and background color of the BSOD in some ini file. BSOD, GSOD, RSOD, PSOD, WSOD, YSOD...

Re:Red Screen of Death

[Anonymous Coward]

To bad there's no (real) SYSTEM.INI file on NT. The blue screen is always blue.

The Red Screen was probably a hardware error. Or the video hardware was so borked it thought red was blue.

Re:Red Screen of Death

[dougsyo]

DO a web search for BSODPROP - I had this on a W98SE box that made the screen black with red letters, sorta-like Halloween.

Alas, it reportedly doesn't work with newer OS's.

Doug

Re:Red Screen of Death

[infernow]

I want to check and see if this works, but I can't seem to find an easy to bluescreen my computer. I found a program that did it once, but any (non-destructive) method will do.

nmap

[GigsVT]

strings nmap | grep fuck

Your argument to -b is fucked up. Use the normal url style: user:pass@server:port or just use server and use default anon login

"Bad Magic"...

[DanCo]

Error in Norton Ghost - "Bad Magic" - never did figure out exactly what that meant, but it only happened when I tried putting too big an image on a drive, so maybe something along that line...

Re:"Bad Magic"...

[Yottabyte84]

It refers to a magic number being fucked.

nothing strange about a type two error^2

[Anonymous Coward]

The type two error trying to report a type two error is perfectly reasonable. The system notes a bus error and generates a type two error and whatt-a-ya-know the bus error chokes because, you got it, a bus error. The failure generates a type two error which reports the failed operation (the first type two error). Replace the mainboard or just turn your mac into a fishtank and buy a PC -and a surge protector.

Atari ST error messages

[Rui del-Negro]

I loved the Atari ST error messages. Compared to some things Windows sometimes spits out, they were actually quite clear and helpful.

RMN
~~~

Windows 2000

[quasar0]

There is not enough free disk space.

Delete one or more files to free disk space, and then try again

screen shot

Re:Windows 2000

[Reece400]

I got that one in 98 a couple times,, had to use a boot disk,,, Try topping this tho,, In XP, i got a dialog that asked me if i would like to "Cancel, or "Abort" lol :)

Reece,

ResEdit and Mac OS X

[Triv]

It's really really easy to change your error messages in a pre-OSX Mac system. When I was in 8th grade I got a good shot in at my music teacher. I booted up our studio computer, fired up ResEdit and changed a resourse or three. So instead of "Please re-insert disk" he saw "Hey! I was eating that!" Instead of the standard Error type-11 messages (application crashed - out of memory - restart) he got "what did you do that for? - (poke again)" and the restart / shutdown dialogue was replaced with "play God." - restart, Shut Down and Cancel turned into Resurrect, Eternal Damnation and Have Mercy. :)

Good times.

triv

Re:ResEdit and Mac OS X

[Triv]

yeah yeah, replying to my own post. I guess slashcode doesn't like the ">" -key in the titles. That should've read "ResEdit and >Mac Os X. Ah well. :)

Triv

Re:ResEdit and Mac OS X

[Triv]

DAMNIT! .

(shoots foot)

I'm takin' a nap.

Triv

Re:ResEdit and Mac OS X

[CvD]

Yeah, I did that! I totally customized my MacOS error messages. Only for some reason the system became unstable and was rather crashprone. I never figured out why changing text in the kernel would make the system unstable. I put a clean kernel back in and it worked fine again.

Re:ResEdit and Mac OS X

[carrier lost]

Oh yeah!

In the early versions of DOS (3-5) we used to take turns sector-editing command.com and changing the line that said "No such file or command" to "Learn to type " or "Get a clue, fool", etc.

MjM

I only mod up...

Malloc type lacks magic

[Sivar]

I was graced with this error when I compiled the FreeBSD kernel with GCC's "-malign-double" option.

Malloc type lacks magic.

I still have no idea what that is supposed to mean.

My first unix error...

[ChrisKnight]

The year was 1989, and I was installing Interactive 386/ix (AT&T licensed UNIX) on a pc. At some point in working on the box I got the error "bad magik". I have loved unix and unix-like operating systems ever since. DOS was always boring.

-Chris

Re:My first unix error...

[smcavoy]

...I still work with Interactive unix, and love is not a word I would use to describe the relationship :)

Re:My first unix error...

[octalc0de]

Remember... UNIX is user-friendly. It's just picky who its friends are.

Re:My first unix error...

[smcavoy]

that might explain why it would not want to socialize with someone who is, quite possibly, younger than it.

Microsoft SQL Server version 7.0 Error

[jdkane]

Just a few weeks ago I received the following error message from SQL Server Enterprise Manager which I thought was quite amusing:
Cannot start transaction while in firehose mode.
And then I found the explanation here.

Funky error message

[hwestiii]

My favorite error message (not really an error, more informational) came from a driver for a Cannon office printer (floor model copy machine + printer + fax) when requesting a size for a margin. The message stated "Enter an integer between 0 and 1.2"

Re:Funky error message

[Idarubicin]

Yes, but is that "between 0 and 1.2" inclusive?

Short & sweet

[Anonymous Coward]

The playsite.com client gave a nice error once that was to the point:

"You're hosed."

"YOU HAVE COMMITTED AN INEXPLICABLE ERROR"

[Archeopteryx]

I got the title as an error message from RSX-11M Fortran-IV Plus in about 1982. Turns out, after bothering the folks at DEC for days, that the problem was a mis-aligned named COMMON section. Why didn't they just SAY so???

A friend of mine

[Alien Being]

once wrote some code to control a wafer-handling robot. Most of the problems the robot would run into could be fixed with operator intervention. There were all kinds of messages in there like "please move the arm to the home position."

An engineer was in the lab late one night working with the robot when he got the error message "You're screwed pal."

It was alpha code, and never would have gone into the field, but he was pissed nonetheless. After he cooled down, he admitted that the message was in fact very accurate and that at least he knew that it was time to go home.

OT

[SoupIsGoodFood_42]

DR SBAITSO BY CREATIVE LABS PLEASE ENTER YOUR NAME

Hehehe....That brings back memories. I was a kid when I had that. I can remember opening up the file and changing all the phrases to contain rude words. Of course, it took me a while to figure out how a hex editor is different to a normal text editor.

The Dreaded /. Error Message:

[Devil's BSD]

My most interesting error messages go something like this.

[root@localhost]% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

[root@localhost]% gotta light?
no match.

[root@localhost]% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

[root@localhost]% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

[root@localhost]% rm God
God not found.

[root@localhost]% talk VladimirPutin@Kremlin
Cannot find VladimirPutin@Kremlin: Your party is not logged on.

More funny UNIX commands here.

Re:The Dreaded /. Error Message:

[anonymous loser]

[root@localhost]% gotta light? no match.

I always did it as:

% got a light? got: no match.

SWTP prompt

[frovingslosh]

The old SWTP microprocessor kits used to output a single * as a prompt. I prety much knew how the day was going to go when I saw one that, the first time it was powered up, type out FU

Re:SWTP prompt

[cookd]

Maybe irrelevant to the average geek. But there is a utility I use at work to pack up a changelist from our source control system, a bit like using diff and patch. Well, to make it unpack the changes, you specify -u. Normally, it will refuse to unpack in a situation where you might be shooting yourself in the foot, but you can override it with -f (force). So the command to screw yourself over was

bbpack -f -u

500 Server too busy

[jelle]

IIS...

Holy Fucking Null Pointer Exception, Batman!

[bhoward00]

I was once programming for an assignment. I'd spent about 60 hours over 4 days working on this thing, and had slept maybe 6 hours over that period. I was a living zombie by the end when I turned it in.

A week later, I got it back, and the output from the was pretty good except that the TA had circled all my error messages (all of which involved lots of profanity: "Oh shit... something bad happened", "fuck, I need to fix this.." etc). He noted, though, that his favorite had been:

Holy Fucking Null-Pointer Exception, BATMAN!!!!

ok, they are kinda old, but i have two...

[ecalkin]

the first is from netware. for *years* i would apply patches to netware systems that included a patch to fix: 'Richard Kiel Memorial Abend # 27'... ok...
i was finally at a novell training event in herndon and was asked if i had any questions... ok, what is 'Richard Kiel Memorial Abend # 27'? it turned out that mr kiel was debugging some code. not only did he not find the bug until after the release of the product, but he forgot to take his debug code out. about two years later i was working on a netware 3.x server and *got* this abend. when i expressed coolness in actually seeing this error, people started looking at me kinda funny. ah the joys of geekness.

the other one was an error on a pdp 11/70. there were 127 error codes. i was looking at the errors and checking what would cause them. some were easy such as file not found. one of there messages was: 'Catastrophic Failure' (or Catastrophic Failure has occurred). looking at the log after a 14in hard drive crash indicated that *that* was not Catastrophic. i later asked someone at dec what set of circumstances would cause this error to be generated and they looked and said there didn't seem to be any. they were amused also.

eric

someone's in the kitchen

[Jucius Maximus]

The Selecting Blendolini Causes Choco-Banana Shake Hang From the BSOD-on-my-toaster dept issue was a real error in a Microsoft related program, "Someone's in the Kitchen." There used to be a whole technet article describing the crash involving the choco-banana shake recipe, but it was pulled. For reference, check this out: Q157668 Mystery solved.

Re:someone's in the kitchen

[w3woody]

OH, MY, GOD!

As the principle software developer on Someone's in the Kitchen (the title helped pay the down payment on my house), I have to say I didn't realize this problem had made it to the published Microsoft Knowledge Base. Of all things...

Though I have to admit, the funniest bug report I ever tracked for that product was a timing error in a .wav file that got integrated into the Kitchen product. At one point, the 'Fridge says "Eeeek! A cockroach!."

Problem was, the wave file was cut short, and the play back of the audio stopped before the syllable "roach."

Needless to say fixing that problem before GM was slightly more important than the Blendolini Choco-Shake hang.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[Anonymous Coward]

Agreed. I had a double-impossible error condition(*) which, fairly enough, never got reported. Then someone else started to maintain the code and decided to change a certain matching algorithm. Suddenly, the condition demoted to a single impossible one. My error handling code proudly told him that he didn't have sufficient intelligence to write programs.

*: It was something analogous to reporting a*bafter both a and b are checked for being greater than 0. What he did was removing the internal sanity checks in his revised algorithm.

Oracle: "Error retrieving error text"

[jtotheh]

My personal favorite, generated by Oracle 7.3.3.... on Digital UNIX

WinNT

[Karamchand]

The POP3 server service depends on the SMTP server service, which
failed to start because of the following error:
The operation completed successfully.
-Windows NT Server v3.51-

Error 95: Bad user input, replace user and try again :-)

Mac OS 1..9

[Psychic Burrito]

When renaming a desktop object to "Trash": "The name 'Trash' is reserved for the Operating System".

Cheater

[RKloti]

Using grep is not allowed. Real geeks already no every single kernel error off by heart. Even the lp0 on fire one.

Military error message.

[iggly_iguana]

This is a real error message from my Air Force days:

Error SuckMudBug: Take her down Scotty, she's sucking mud again.

UNIX ed

[GordoSlasher]

If you grew up with UNIX in the 70's, you probably used ed, a command-line text editor. If you entered an invalid command, the error message you got was:

?

Later versions of ed had a verbose option so it would actually give you a clue what was was wrong. Verbose messages were usually one or two word phrases.

PC LOAD LETTER??

[flacco]

What the fuck is that?!

Re:PC LOAD LETTER??

[mpost4]

The printer wants 8x11 paper. 8x11=letter sized paper (I don't know what the pc is for) and load well put paper in.

Re:PC LOAD LETTER??

[Fear the Clam]

What the fuck is that?!

That's when a Microsoft PR person writes about "switching."

Re:PC LOAD LETTER??

[iabervon]

You're not going to get away with waiting for one of the NPCs to fix the printer for you this time.

Re:PC LOAD LETTER??

[qnonsense]

PC = Paper Cassette
LOAD = Please put paper in here
LETTER = 8x11 Paper

Translation: Please put 8x11 sized paper into the paper cassette.

I've seen this error twice. The second time I caused intentionally to show a friend.

Re:PC LOAD LETTER??

[cbreaker]

This is in reference to Office Space, and nobody else seems to have ever seen the damned movie except the people modding it up (I've seen two now with a 5 rating)

Instead, I see responses: "well, that means load paper in the PAPER CASSETTE" and it's even more funny.

Very funny movie BTW.

Topez Sound Studio

[NeoPotato]

I had a program called Topez Sound Studio that repeatedly gave me the error message:

Shit.

Linux errors are the best

[LupusUF]

I was compiling a program once (I sure as hell wish I remembered which program it was) and it told me that my refrigerator did not have enough beer. The program still compiled of course...it just flashed that error across the screen.

Re:Linux errors are the best

[Anonymous Coward]

I seem to remember that Enlightenment does a lot of those things in its "configure" script.

Checking refrigerator for beer... Refrigerator does not have enough beer.

Or something like that. There's a switch to turn them off, but I never did.

Re:Linux errors are the best

[Teferi]

Enlightenment configure script:

Checking for mass_quantities_of_bass_ale in -lfridge...not found!
Checking for mass_quantities_of_any_ale in -lfridge...not found!

Re:Linux errors are the best

[0x0d0a]

There's a lightweight library designed for very small programs called owfat.

The switch to link against this library was thus -lowfat

Re:Linux errors are the best

[TheGratefulNet]

it was an autoconf script. I saw that one too. something like 'checking for libfridge.a'. like that. just an echo to the screen and a delay - just for grins.

Re:Linux errors are the best

[Florian Weimer]

I think this idea has been borrowed from GNU's libiberty, the GNU portability library which frees you from the restrictions of a particular platform.

Re:Linux errors are the best

[alfaiomega]

I was compiling a program once (I sure as hell wish I remembered which program it was) and it told me that my refrigerator did not have enough beer.

I love to read Larry Wall's jokes and other comments hidden in the quickly flashing messages while I'm building perl. And I've only used the stable release, I suppose the development release has more of them. Get the perl source and check it out.

Re:Linux errors are the best

[Sxooter]

When you compile PHP to use cracklib, you have to use the switch

--with-crack

Now my server runs real fast for a few days one end, then goes to sleep for 24 hours... :-)

make

[loudici]

the make utility used to answer 'i don't know how to make xxx' when it did not find a target. which lead to the famous

>make love
I don't know how to make love.
>

Messages from other planets

[dcavanaugh]

Back in my VAX/VMS days, the powers that be decided to name the machines after planets. The limit was six characers, so the names were "VENUS", "MARS", and "PLUTO". So far, so good.

Certain conditions, (such as a reboot) were generally accompanied by broadcast messages that would (in our case) be sent to hundreds of dumb terminals in about 12 different cities.

*** Reply received from operator on MARS ***
System shutdown in 5 minutes

Re:Messages from other planets

[DunbarTheInept]

Along similar lines, it used to be common to see messages like:
/earth is full.

Re:Messages from other planets

[thechuckbenz]

I learned that my humor was not always appropriate when I was in a VAX/VMS environment - we used redundant HSC's (disk controllers) and I named one pair "READ" and "WRITE", and my poor sysadmin had trouble communicating with field service about them ("Sir [bozo], either one can do reads or writes..."). I did similar damage naming a pair "NI" and "BI" - ex-VMS'ers will be slightly amused, it's not funny enough to explain to everyone else, though.

Re:Messages from other planets

[dcavanaugh]

The ultimate fun would be to take the output of $SHOW DEVICE/MOUNTED and ask sysadmin or operations job applicants to explain what it means.

Very Unnerving

[avalys]

From a TI-86 calculator, in the middle of my math final:

ERROR 29: BAD GUESS

Not exactly what I wanted to hear from my calculator.

'I'm crushing your head!'

[Anml4ixoye]

My favorite from Macromedia:

'I'm crushing your head!' error appears after leaving open a pop-up slider

Product: Flash
Platform: All
Versions: 5.0
ID: 15438

Issue
After leaving a slider pop-up open, the user switches to another functio] such as accessing a menu or testing a movie. Flash then behaves unexpectedly. Sometimes an error message appears which states:

"I'm crushing your head!" "Crashing at gPopupDail should be new!. Yes = go to debugger, No = keep running, Cancel = terminate."

At other times the slider may continue to appear independently of the panel.

Reason
This error is caused by leaving the a pop-up slider open while attempting to perform another function.

Solution
Click out of the slider area to close the pop-up slider before testing the movie or accessing another menu.

Error code found in the wild

[Matey-O]

A Friend (not a FOAF, just a friend) worked for a company that wrote software for optimising the layout on ICs. The error they coded wasn't ever supposed to be encountered outside the development area, unfortunately the got a call from a customer asking what

"Error: Wrong Gender, unable to have sex."

meant.

Re:Error code found in the wild

[Tablizer]

The error they coded wasn't ever supposed to be encountered outside the development area, unfortunately the got a call from a customer asking what "Error: Wrong Gender, unable to have sex." meant.

I almost got in trouble for having silly "internal" error messages. The lead developer once had an experience where somebody put an error message like, "Sanity Check: Something is really fucked in the ass if you see this message."

Unfortunately something a religious user did triggered that message, and complained loudedly. The developers had to sift through large masses of code and review each message. He did not want to go thru such an experience again, and thus told (threatened) me not to play with error message text.

Re:Error code found in the wild

[Skjellifetti]

A friend of mine pulled a similar stunt with a medical database where the test data was inadvertantly released to the customer along with the program. According to the test data, the CEO of the customer's company had AIDS as a result of anal sex. The CEO was somewhere close to Jerry Falwell in his beliefs and was quite upset with the program and my friend's company as a result.

Learn the Lesson: Keep all of your error msgs and test data innocuous and professional because you never know which important customer will be offended by your lame attempts to make your day interesting.

If you put it in the program:

/* Can't be reached, but I really need to change the error msg anyway.*/
print_error("How'd the fucking idiot user get here?");

Murphy will guarantee that it will be released like that and that the most influential fucking idiot user will be the one to get there.

Re:Error code found in the wild

[jimfrost]

Heh. My favorite from a customer call was from someone who got the message:

"Internal error - call ech."

I personally got yelled at for throwing some expletives in our source code after spending a really long period of time tracking down an OS bug in HP/UX such that if you closed a pty the wrong way your program became immortal (ie kill -9 wouldn't kill it, nor anything else). Who knew we had source licensees?

Re:Error code found in the wild

[sql*kitten]

He did not want to go thru such an experience again, and thus told (threatened) me not to play with error message text.

It's a serious issue. If your customer has a system running bespoke code from many different vendors, and you have sloppy or frivolous errors in your logs, then there is a high likelihood that they will think the rest of your code is sloppy, and you will be the first person they call if anything goes wrong. Even if the problem is elsewhere, it still sucks up valuable time when you have to prove to them what really happened and why it's another vendor's fault. If you want to be taken seriously, then even the log files your application generates have to be polished.

Re:Error code found in the wild

[Tablizer]

(* important customer will be offended by your lame attempts to make your day interesting. *)

Yip. The bottom line is that:

Boring == Professional

Oh well. One day Deep Fritz's offspring will be at the helm and they can have all the clinical professionalism they want.

Re:Error code found in the wild

[Skjellifetti]

All occupations have professional rules of conduct. Rock stars are expected to show up to their concerts on time, not be trashed, and play their hearts out. I have seen Eric Clapton and Joe Cocker so wasted they could hardly stand up, let alone play, leaving a lot of very unhappy fans (i.e. customers) in their wake. Some friends of mine fired their lead singer/guitar a couple of years ago because he was consitently showing up drunk for gigs. If you think those rules are boring, then don't try and be a rock star. But within the scope of those rules, a lot of musicians seem to have a lot of fun.

Bottom line: If you think that the professional rules of conduct in your chosen occupation are boring, then you are either in the wrong profession or too immature to be working in that occupation.

My most memorable

[Zaknafein500]

"Too many flobject code blocks in room 87."

I got this one once at about 4:30 in the morning trying to get a sound card to work with the game Full Throttle

Is Jeeves gay?

[wirelessbuzzers]

It's the "Jovial" one right now, but for a while it gave an error:

HTTP error 403: file is none of your business
You have a lot of nerve even clicking on this link.

the ultimate Amiga error message was great...

[Malor]

When the Amiga crashed (and in the early days, it crashed A LOT), you got a flashing red box at the top of the screen that said (roughly, it's been many years): 'System Error. Press any key or mouse button to reboot. Guru Meditation #:' and then some long string of hexadecimal digits. I believe the implication was that a systems guru could meditate on the number to understand the problem with the program that had crashed the system. (and yes, individual programs could easily take down an Amiga... cooperative multitasking is bad that way.)

I don't think anyone liked their computer crashing, but folks were disappointed with Commodore for changing it, in later versions, to something like 'System Error #:'. Guru meditations were much cooler than the Atari (or mac?) bomb icons. At least, if it had to crash, it did so impressively. :)

(You could also tell a power Amiga user by a habit they developed... that of jiggling the mouse all the time. Often, the only sign of a system crash was the mouse pointer ceasing to work... so Amigans got in the habit of constantly moving it to make sure the computer was still working. Took me years to get over that, myself.)

Re:the ultimate Amiga error message was great...

[Anonymous Coward]

The Amiga didn't have cooperative
multitasking. It had pre-emptive
multitasking. That was one of the
reasons they were good.

And by the way, it's a lack of
memory protection that allowed
one program to take down the
whole system. Oh yeah, that
and the fact that the system calls
didn't do error checking on their
arguments IIRC.

Re:the ultimate Amiga error message was great...

[Malor]

Oh duh. Sorry, you're right. Pre-emptive without memory protection. Examples of cooperative multitasking are Mac OS9 and earlier(tolerable) and Windows 3.1 (well beyond horrible).

I met RJ Mical once, the man who wrote Exec, which was the Amiga's multitasking engine. (I think it would be called the scheduler/dispatcher now.) Exec was responsible for the extremely, extremely efficient context switches that made the Amiga so fast and responsive. Motorola used to use his code as an example of 'how to do multitasking on a 68000'. I have a vague memory that Exec did a context switch in something like 11 instructions.

I am rarely speechless, but I was there... what do you aay to a demigod? (well, other than 'thank you', which I think I did manage. :-) )

Anyway, thanks for the correction. Duh.

From the land of data management

[dasmegabyte]

I work in the bowels of an internet company, designing conversion scripts which are invoked by a web scheduler and whose output is never seen by anybody save me. So for the first few months I was there I generally didn't bother cleaning up any of the debug error messages.

Occasionally, something I wrote a while back will break and generally I'll go in and fix it. I usually get a chuckle out of the old error messages which generally are based around whatever non-sequitor humor is popular that week:

"File Not Found. But I'll look harder."

"The invoked class started Okay. Anything else you can't deal with is your own problem."

"All your ads-20021003.xml are belong to httpd!"

"Server reports status as: 'Zzzzzzz....'" (and the genious here, see, is the number of z's corresponded to the number of 30 second wait states between database checkups.)

"An unknown error has ocurred. Don't ask me, I just work here."

This should never happen

[SEGV]

As a developer, I have to put error messages in the code. I've made a few sweet ones, but usually they don't appear.

One is an exception "This should never happen." It would only happen if the JVM it was running on were screwed, because the class implemented Cloneable and shouldn't itself throw CloneNotSupportedException. But then JVM errors do occur...

A place I worked at before had a similar message actually appear, in a dialog, during a customer demo. But that wasn't me.

"You don't exist, go away"

[Anonymous Coward]

... if your /etc/passwd is mangled

I saw this one when a COBOL program abended...

[Schnapple]

"A catastrophic error has occured."

Not just a bad error, a catastrophic one. Bizarrely this error never happens when it really is a bad error, but every time I see it I picture Hiroshima.

Eudora and Shakespeare

[Burning Plastic]

I got a nice Eudora error message - Something is rotten in the stae of denmark -see http://shrimp.ncl.ac.uk/d.d.k.logan and go to the simplicitylinkand then the simplicitylink within that (this was from a few years ago) **I'm typingafter half a bottle of tequila so spare me the occasional spelling mistake

Re:Eudora and Shakespeare

[Burning Plastic]

I've now moved to www.burningplastic.net , and I'd appreciate comments about the site as it's a work in progress and I need to get some pressure or pointer to keep it moving...\\Thanks...

Your sig...

[hackwrench]

But if I go to jail, the jail will be in possession of a decryption device in violation of the DMCA, so who's going to arrest the jail?

Re:Your sig...

[Anonymous Coward]

Dee...Emm...Cee...Ayy, it's fun to stay at the Dee...Emm...Cee...Ayy
Is paraphrasing the Villiage People in connection with the DMCA itself a violation, or just simply tasteless?

Re:Your sig...

[SoSueMe]

No legal worries, it's just tasteless.

Re:Your sig...

[Dix_sw]

Forced reference: User Friendly song

Installing NT4.0

[Ramses0]

...on a 60gb IDE hard drive (just a few months ago). "Cannot install Windows NT, Hard Drive too big!"

No joke. And I have a sneaking suspicion that windows 95 wouldn't install because I had 512 mb of ram, and it didn't know what to do with it.

--Robert

Re:Installing NT4.0

[berniecase]

NT4's max boot partition size is 2GB. This is one reason why I really dislike having to keep an NT4 server at work for testing.

Re:Installing NT4.0

[Anonymous Coward]

I just tried to scandisk my Raided 240Gb drive(s) and guess what - Windows 98SE claims I've got too many files open and I need to free up some of my 512Mb of RAM :P
Luckily Mr Norton was able to free up my 20Gb of lost cluters.

I get this erorr

[anonymous coword]

When I search for /. on google

Re:I get this erorr

[MattCohn.com]

Google strips all non-characters from your text, and since that is a / and a ., those are removed to leave you with . And, google shows you nothing if you don't show anything to google.

At least Oracle quickly responds to errors

[glex]

Got this error message from Oracle on windows a couple times:

'The OracleORACLE_HOMEManagementServer service Terminated unexpectedly. It has done this 1 time(s) The following corrective action will be taken in 0 milliseconds: No action'

Oracle - no action

trying to open a file,

[sstory]

an acquaintance once got the error

ERROR: THE FILE EXISTS

I didn't make this up since I can't do ascii art

[Kernel Panic]

Here's a kernel dump I got once while creating a software raid. I tried to post it, but the lameness filter keeps stopping me.

Kernel error

IBM 1130

[GordoSlasher]

I used an IBM 1130 in college (yes, we had electricity in those days). There were half a dozen or so status lamps on the front console. These were bulbs inset into rectanglar holes, with a chunk of translucent colored plastic containing a phrase for the status. One was a green piece of plastic labeled "Power" and another was a red one labeled "Parity Error".

The computer was down for a week due to a parity error when the system was powered up. The IBM tech couldn't figure it out. Eventually somebody looked at a picture of the console in the manual and noticed the Power and Parity Error indicators had been switched. The system was working all along!

Macs

[Anonymous Coward]

Macs, it has to be Macs. The penultimate error itself, "There was an error because an error occured."

Crash message Mac os 9

[Anonymous Coward]

"An unknown error has occured because an error of the type -110 has occured." (Translated from Norwegian)

Or an other one I got as I was almost finished working on a 70MB Photoshop document.
"Discfault -36 during reading or writing to the workdisk. Sorry, but this is a serious error."
The only choice I got was to press a highlighted button with the text "Quit"

Go Cupertino!!!

Re:Crash message Mac os 9

[J'raxis]

Are you thinking of:

The application "unknown" has unexpectedly quit because an error of type 11 occurred.

These errors would pop up immediately after an application suicided. For some reason Apple was never able to make the correct application's name appear in the dialog box, hence the "unknown".

Every once in a while I see even worse errors, like a dialog that only says "-43" or "-139" in it. C'mon, don't they have strerror() in Cupertino?

Depressed web servers

[skinfitz]

Probably an old one but it would appear relevant.

Key Error

[tjamme]

I haven't read all the posts, but to me nothing beats:
"Keyboard Error or no keyboard present. Press F1 to continue."

Ah, Scandisk

[pyite]

On a hacked apart and back-together-again Dell at school, we got it to come up with 634% complete in the Scandisk progress bar. Funny thing is, the progress bar went off of the screen. Luckily, we got a photo of the thing (as we obviously couldn't take a DOS screenshot, let alone a frozen DOS screenshot).

Re: Network Card on Fire

[velkro]

From drivers/net/eexpress.c:

printk(KERN_INFO "%s: transmit timed out, %s?\n", dev->name, (SCB_complete(status)?"lost interrupt": "board on fire"));

I've actually seen this happen once before too. I couldn't stop laughing, so I had to dig into the source to see if it was for real...

Sound as an error

[CoolD2k]

Where I work there are bar code scanners, and every time theres an error in the scan a WAV file plays the Homer Simpson "Do'h".

Catestrophic Failure

[DavidLeblond]

A program we use at work sometimes comes up with an error "Catestrophic Failure" with no other description, then crashes. We printed it out and put it on the wall but the developers made us take them down. Still no idea what causes the error, but it sure sounds serious :P.

Unable to delete file...

[Snosty]

because there is not enough free space on that drive (or some such).

Gee, thanks. What next, "Too much free space on drive to create file?"

OS/360 error message... Sort of...

[AdrianG]

I know someone who, in college, changed our local instance of OS/360-MVT to that instead of giving the traditional

• INTERVENTION REQUIRED ON device

message, it would say

• DIVINE INTERVENTION REQUIRED ON device

Adrian

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[Nomad37]

yeah, apple's a lot less interesting since it lost its since of humour.

job security

[JTB]

I once worked on an app where an engineer had included the error message "If you see this message, call Customer Support and have them fire (engineer)"

And the rumor is that some customer saw the error message...

old Mac OS error message

[paulschreiber]

An unknown error occurred because an unknown error occurred.

The error message you don't want to see....

[selectspec]

exception in swapper - core file dumped (failed!)
oops - kernel panic:
epc = 0xdeadbeef
vaddr = 0xdeadbeef
ECC uncorrectable double bit errors reported!
sda0 reports bad blocks!
sda1 reports bad blocks!
fsck failed - inodes missing!
processor temp exceeding threshold!
fan tray 0 failed! ...but worst of all:

Coffee supplies dangerously low.

Rest In Peace

[coliano]

We have a big Xerox copy/scan/print machine at the office that sometimes locks up with:

Fatal Error: Starvation in Scan Processor

Not exactly a error message

[Anonymous Coward]

Years ago, when I did tech support for MS, I got a call about a customers computer that would randomly start playing Beethoven's 5th through the PC speaker. Turns out that the bios would start playing the music whenever the CPU began to over heat.

Printer not found

[cosyne]

Back in the 80s, we got an Amiga 1000, and my dad was trying to hook up an apple image writer to the serial port. Apparently, the Amiga would dump error messages to the serial port, expecting a terminal to be connected. So at some point, he tries to print something, it doesn't work, the machine trys printing an error message to the serial port. So the printer makes it laborious dot matrix printing noises, and then advances the paper, which says "Printer not found".

m$ kill doesn't kill

[glex]

Microsoft Process Kill Utility has encountered a problem and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience.

If you were in the middle of something, the information you were working on might be lost.

Please tell Microsoft about this problem. ...

Kill.gif

Re:m$ kill doesn't kill

[Anonymous Coward]

you are a wanker.

Re:m$ kill doesn't kill

[Anonymous Coward]

So, wait. If the kill utility crashes, can you kill it? Hmmm...

Zen-ish Windows Error

[bpfinn]

I once got an error in Windows that had no text at all. The window just had the little round red circle with the "X" in it. No OK or Cancel buttons, no title, nothing at all. Is this sound of one hand computing?

Compiler error messages

[danrik]

I was playing around with a compiler a friend wrote for a compiler class..... it had only one error message: "You lied: You told me this was a program."

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[Spire]

Did you try booting from the installation CD, installing the Recovery Console, and then manually reenabling the services using the enable command? Or does the enable command require PnP too?

Sun Blade 150 after installing Debian:

[Sivar]

Error: I have no root and I must scream.

(Couldn't find the hard drive)

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

VB Help

[Oink.NET]

When writing VB code, you can press F1 to display help on the selected keyword. But periodically I'll get a message that says:

Unable to display help

and two buttons:

[OK] [Help]

Why Settle for the ones you are given?

[Breakerofthings]

When I was in school, I would modify command.com on the win95 workstations, put in my own (usually insulting) error messages, for the next user to enjoy :)

(The machines got restored every night, so no permanent harm was done)

And, my favorite error message (from ADO, v2ish):
"An Error has Occured"

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[hardcode]

I always liked "can't go messing with a void *"

SunOS

[cmt17]

I once had a Sun 690 running SunOS reset it's hostname to Amnesiac, it the proceeded to refuse to let root login with the message along the lines of Amnesiac not my hostname. This was before asking for the root password. Never found out what caused it, if any one knows drop me a line, I'm still curious.

Blue Screen

[Helmholtz]

For a while I kept getting blue screens on my win2k box at work (turns out it was a hardware issue). Most mornings I would come in to:

IRQ LESS THAN OR EQUAL TO ZERO

Re:Blue Screen

[Mac Degger]

Yeah...that's slightly bad RAM...funnily enough it only seems to cause me problems on startup though.

Re:Blue Screen

[octalc0de]

mm? slightly bad RAM? I get this when I plug in my faulty mouse....

I even returned my mobo + ram of the new computer but then I figured out it was the mouse after moving to the laptop for a while ;)

Re:Blue Screen

[Mac Degger]

That's odd...I started getting the error right after I inserted a new stick off ram, and it stopped after I took it out. I then decided the extra ram was worth the hassle of having to reset occasionally, so I plonked it back in (hey, I need the ram for my 3d work :) ).
Got a new trackball and keyboard after that, and nothing (else) changed...so I'm sticking with the bad ram story :)

Anyway, what works works, so if it's fixed, don't break it ;)

Re:Blue Screen

[octalc0de]

The new mouse fixes the IRQL BSoD, but I still get Win32k.sys BSoDs... at least, when I'm booting into windows. :)

Anyone got a reason for those?

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[Artifex]

Who else would make a compiler that states "This label is the target of a goto from outside of the block containing this label AND this block has an automatic variable with an initializer AND your window wasn't wide enough to read this whole error message"?

Maybe the programmer coding the errors is a parent, and had read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day recently.

Are the error messages the same globally (i.e., even in Australia)?

(Okay, if you're not giggling yet, read this link)

Not exactly an error message but still funny

[targo]

Earth Rotates in Wrong Direction

do something

[Noumena]

I was working in a photo lab, with an Agfa MSC 300 minilab when all the sudden it stopped responding. I just started hitting buttons on the damn thing. After a moment or two of nothing all, it pops up with a dialog i'd never seen before. It just said:

"Do Something"

with a line of system codes after it. So I did. I turned the bastard off to let it think about what it had done.

My favourite

[Anonymous Coward]

You have done something stupid we told you not to do three times. Please go and call your boss.

Software update

[K_dubber]

Ran a "required" software update and received the following message: Your system does not need this update. Click OK and the next windows says "Press OK to restart your computer." Reboot to apply no changes?

"jackpot" - from "diff" in Unix v6

[karl.auerbach]

My favorite error message was the single word "jackpot". It issued from the version 6 Unix "diff" program on seemingly random occassions. (This was the same version of Unix that contained the comment in the kernel "You are not expected to understand this.")

How about this one...

[BlueBlade]

I was messing around with an old parallel port drive in DOS, when the device driver flaked out or something. DOS helpfully printed out this error message :

Out of paper on Drive D:

Hum, sure.

pcAnywhere

[hypnotoad]

Tell pcAnywhere to run a host as a server at startup on Win98 and you'll get:
"Error Loading Error Message"
when windows loads.

That *IS* funny

[Anonymous Coward]

Forbidden

You don't have permission to access /~kmeagher/buffering.jpg on this server.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[Old Wolf]

That's why you make every "never-see" error message slightly different. For example, "Error: You should not see this", "Error: You won't see this", etc.
Then you just grep for the exact error message and you know where it was, without having to bombard the user with gobbledygook like "Exception 035 occured at ab098643:e80sd98, eax was 09843609" etc. If I were a dumb user I'd rather see something I can read

haikus

[margaret]

The web browser that came with BeOS had haiku error messages built-in. The only one I remember was a 404 error that went something like

The page that you seek
No longer exists
But many others remain.

Anybody remember any others?

Re:haikus

[dextr0us]

the stream still flowing
data there is not
but keep up in your searching

Re:haikus

[dextr0us]

I reinstalled BE just for the Hiaku.

These three are certain:
Death, taxes, and site not found.
You, victim of one.

Re:haikus

[Anonymous Coward]

Sounds like Yoda wrote it...

Re:haikus

[LocutusMIT]

MIT's www server gives this if you get a 404:

I ate your Web page.
Forgive me. It was juicy
And tart on my tongue.

Re:haikus

[Anonymous Coward]

The page that you seek
No longer exists
But many others remain.

This is not a haiku. 5-7-5.
Yours is 5-5-7.

Re:haikus

[Mr Guy]

That's a spin of "This is just to say"

http://www.poets.org/poems/poems.cfm?prmID=1380

not enough memory to display error message

[cr@ckwhore]

I got this one when working in VB6 one day...

"Not enough memory to display error message"

vxWorks

[Anonymous Coward]

Our hardware guy made the system say "I'm very, very, very sorry but your system is totally useless now. Please contact a dealer" when the bootrom couldn't re-flash itself. Unfortunately some customers have seen it. We've changed the message.

A Simpsons Reference

[Krach42]

When I program date logic, and I come up with a mythical date, I always have to put out "Smarch Error"

The worst error EVAR

[jerkychew]

"Slashdot requires you to wait 20 seconds between hitting 'reply' and submitting a comment."

Re:The worst error EVAR

[Tablizer]

"Slashdot requires you to wait 20 seconds between hitting 'reply' and submitting a comment."

That is so that you spend some time to review typos in your title.

Re:The worst error EVAR

[jerkychew]

EVAR is a common message board 'fake' typo. It's up there with 'TEH FUNNAY' and 'NO YUO!!!1'

In other words, it was done on purpose.

Re:The worst error EVAR

[Tablizer]

(* In other words, it was done on purpose. *)

How does one distinquish between the accidental ones then?

Re:The worst error EVAR

[angelo]

It is all in TEH CAPITELS!

LOLERZ

Lameness filter encountered. Post aborted!
Reason: Don't use so many caps. It's like YELLING.

It's funny how one can get past the lameness filter by quoting the lameness filter. Especially funny is that this post is about using capital letters. Jeez.

Re:The worst error EVAR

[jerkychew]

They see the name JerkyChew, and they automatically know that they are dealing with genius. Much like seeing Einstein or Kamen or something :-)

Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters

[----]

Here's an oddball one from microsoft.

Q276304 - Error Message: Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords.

more from the Linux kernel

[Anonymous Coward]

Oct 1 06:02:22 fop kernel: TCP: Treason uncloaked! Peer 144.136.50.250:2774/1663 shrinks window 3024905532:3024906992. Repaired. :)

Well Gee

[Maskirovka]

*******Dummy Mode ON************

I don't know about the other stuff, but your OSPF adjacensy errors are caused by the routers not being level with each other. This can cause hello packets to pool near the interface of whichever router is nearer the ground. You can fix this problem by violently shaking the cable near the router interface for about 1 minute while it's plugged in.Good luck!

Maskirovka

My spelling is checked by Tacospill 3.1

Bad error message

[djtripp]

I once got an audible message on my computer.
"You've got mail"

I've since removed that buggy program

"Error: Too many errors"

[coljac]

That's a javascript error in IE. Real helpful.

Re:"Error: Too many errors"

[Tablizer]

That's a javascript error in IE. Real helpful.

I *hate* debugging JavaScript in IE. There is no easy way to find the offending line without saving and opening if a line number is given, if it even reports it. And almost anything wrong triggers "object not defined", as if that is the only message in the whole damned interpreter. Other times it just stopped, no message, just outright stopped. I put trace statements and without a GOTO there were no legal way around them, yet it never got there, and no loops to get stuck in, at least not in my code. It turned out that you have to insert items into Select lists in index order or it just freaks.

Before starting a project that heavily relies on IE JavaScript, I have this very important advice for you: DON'T!

Re:"Error: Too many errors"

[Anonymous Coward]

(* install visual studio... *)

You mean PAY for development software???

Re:"Error: Too many errors"

[Anonymous Coward]

(* You mean PAY for development software??? *)

who said pay??!

Re:"Error: Too many errors"

[Anonymous Coward]

My warez hunting skills are slipping

Sperry Univac - BTFOOM

[Anonymous Coward]

From the mid 80's the Sperry Exec would kill off an application with the BTFOOM error code.

Took much digging with people in Egan and Blue Bell to get them to cough up BTFOOM = Beats The F**k Out Of Me.

Their answer to "This error can not occur" :-)

cat

[Anonymous Coward]

[user@localhost]$ cat 'can of food'
Warning: cat cannot open can of food.

On of my professors always liked to quote this one

[mark1ewis]

"Catastrophic failure in phase E."

-- Spewn from the compiler just before segfaulting.

Windows XP install

[l79327]

When setting up a new user I got
invalid user name you can't use / \ ( ...
or names equivilent to administrator,guest or billy

For a while I thought that bastard in Redmond had a hidden account

The machine name was billy.

Re:Windows XP install

[Anonymous Coward]

That's because you're dumb.

It's a secret!

[WildSmurf]

I was always partial to Eudora's desperate pleading, "Shhhh! Don't tell anyone!"

Oh that After Effects magic

[May Kasahara]

"After Effects can't continue: magic spell failed on a topic (40::50)."

This error message has been known to show up in Adobe After Effects 4.0 and higher. Note that one of the solutions given by Adobe is to use version 4.1-- but apparently, that doesn't really work. If I remember correctly, this bug has appeared on coworkers workstations while using AE 4.1 or AE 5.0. Also, none of us use bitmaps...

I've never gotten this error message myself, so I don't know exactly what sort of magic is running this program, or what topics are failing. o_O

TiVo

[subuni]

If the internal temperature on your TiVo reaches a certain point, you're greated with an image of the TiVo dude in flames, with a message "Your TiVo is on fire! Call 911 now!". http://tivo.samba.org/download/belboz/firegood.jpg .

Re:TiVo

[Salubri]

It almost makes you wonder how many people out there called 911 because they thought the TiVo was going to burn down thier house...

Re:TiVo

[subuni]

Yeah, I think they removed that screen from their releases due to fears (or maybe it actually happened?) of people calling 911. In the current versions of the software, it now gives a blue screen (of death), telling you the unit is too hot, tips on ventilation, etc.

Error...

[silvaran]

Error: Success

Lightwave 3D

[a_midgett]

I seem to recall an error message popping up in Lightwave 3D that was pretty strange:

"An impossible error has occurred."

The only thing you could do was press the OK button... and afterwards I was never even able to detect what the problem was!

-A.

Favorite all time error message....

[Squidgee]

Is one one of my friends got running Virtual PC. It was so good, he sent me a screen of it.

As Virt PC was booting up, scandisk ran. Then, he got the message: "An error in scandisk has occured; please run scandisk". Hehehe.

make: stop. don't know how to make love!

[geoswan]

...that featured the following error msg:

I must remember to put an error message here

I read a case history that was somewhat similar. Except the error message was in Latin. Someone who had once taken Latin was tracked down, and asked to translate. The translation was something like, "Unto the son is born a brother". When the original programmer was tracked down, he was embarrassed. "But that condition was never supposed to arrive. He had some kind of complicated data structure, where each element could have children and siblings. Except the element at the apex of the tree was supposed to be a special case -- no siblings.

But since it was never supposed to happen the original programmer didn't bother to put a meaningful error message.

Back with good old version 7, make gave error messages like:

make: stop. don't know how to make foo!

if you had typed "make foo" and there was no makefile, or no rule for foo in the makefile.

When computer naive people (remember them) would ask what computers could do, it was fun to have them sit down and type:

make love

Which would, of course, result in:

make: stop. don't know how to make love!

"make war" was another good one.

In my computer architecture class

[spnbs]

We used a 68k assembler from France called Fantasm. It was a disturbing piece of software, complete with odd compilation noises, a built in cd player, and a weird sense of humor. I can't remember the specifics, but I think the error had to do with using data registers instead of address registers or something like that. But, anyways, I kid you not, the reported error was...
Smoke me a kipper!

Re:In my computer architecture class

[foo12]

'Smoke me a kipper' is probably a Red Dwarf reference

The other one

[Anonymous Coward]

The last place I worked got a contract to manage and co-locate some guy's Windows server.

This server was running a custom app this guy also developed. It was slightly flaky, and wasn't configured to run as a service, so monitoring it was done manually for a while (ie, we logged into the console remotely and made sure it was still running).

One day we noticed the program stopped running and a dialog box read: "Error: The other one."

We just took a screen shot and emailed it to him ;)

Re: real BSOD

[xRizen]

How did they get a screenshot of their computer crashing hardcore? ;)

ssh error and mac rom sounds

[meador]

My current favorite error is "Server Resonded : Connection closed" when an ssh session times out. The worst error messages I can remember were the sounds that Mac ROMs would play on a boot failure. The one w. the first few notes of the twilight zone them (SE30?) always make me laugh and the first time I heard the 'car crash' at 3 a.m. one morning scared the crap out of me

1162--Power is already off

[freshmkr]

The programming manuals for the Apple Lisa computer list numerical return values for system calls in a big table. While browsing, I happened to find error 1162 (or maybe it was 1062--I can't recall exactly). The interpretation?

"Power is already off"

I can't imagine ever seeing that one come up...

--Tom

NT 5 Problem

[Anonymous Coward]

The best one I've ever seen has to be this one. The worst part is that it makes sense: I'd probably already deleted a directory of that name previously and it was sitting in the Recycle (sic) Bin, so NT tried to copy (rather than move) the new directory.

Best error message ever

[quacking duck]

Beep beep beep beep!

Database error

[Estaga]

I once got a "database out of transporter range" in a Tomcat app.

The programmer's explanation?
"It cannot connect to the db"

Linux kernel strings

[piranha(jpl)]

I've found some funny error messages running strings on different Linux kernels. One of the funniest I've seen has been:

Unable to start swapping: out of memory :-)

Because Slashdot employs a fascist check on comments, I couldn't insert a larger list of funny messages. (I tried, for about 20 minutes, and constantly got "you don't meet the minimum line length" or some similar message. Isn't moderation supposed to be the system to weed out genuinely annoying messages?) As I've been forced to do before, I'm putting the rest of the comment on my site (the last time, it was an e-mail that had too many "strange characters" in it).

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[Idarubicin]

Go to Control Panel, Administrative Tools, and disable all services.

...You gotta love MS's monolithic integration...

Yep. You gotta love people who either a) mess with things they don't understand or b) deliberately try to break things...and then find that they're broken.

Granted, there exists an argument that even when apparently working correctly most MS products are badly broken, but that's for another post...

funny gcc error message

[Anonymous Coward]

This amusing error is in most versions of gcc.

If you try to declare:

long long long somevar;

the compiler produces the error message:

`long long long' is too long for GCC

Recursive error

[Tablizer]

Recursive error due to recursive error due to recursive error due to recursive error due to recursive error due to.....

Values of beta will give rise to dom!

[BitwizeGHC]

This story from Dennis Ritchie tells of an error message in old versions of Unix that was actually sort of a Bell Labs version of "All your base".

From personal experience, one that sticks out in my mind is from Microsoft's Flight Simulator. If you auger into the ground, it says "Crash". If you bellyflop into Lake Michigan it says "Splash". But if you make a perfect landing, forgetting the minor detail of putting down your landing gear, it'd say "Crash! Lower your gear next time!" This message dates all the way back to MFS 1.0.

Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters...

[ine8181]

Microsoft Windows 2000 presents:

Error Message: Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords

http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=kb; en-us;Q276304

Network not found when logged in over the network?

[Anonymous Freak]

Well, I was just doing a Windows XP 'Remote Desktop Connection' (Sorry, no choice in the matter; and if you don't know what a Remote Desktop Connection is, think: Terminal Services lite) and got a funny error. I'm going from my PC to another desktop PC. The other desktop PC uses a wireless network connection, which, I must admit, Windows XP usually handles nicely. Well, my login dialog box came up just fine, I logged in just fine, and up came the desktop of the offending PC.

Down in the corner by the clock (in the 'systray') is the little 'two dark computers with a red x between them' icon. Meaning: No network connection found. In this case, when I hover over it, it says 'Wireless connection unavailable'. Good trick, since the only way I am able to view that screen is THROUGH THE WIRELESS CONNECTION! (In fact, I've got that connection minimized right now, and I think I'll put it in a window and take a screenshot. Okay, you can view the screenshot here.

Errors

[Anonymous Coward]

Hi

i have seen this

Internel Error: Please contact technical support

OK

[Anonymous Coward]

One day while I was in a rather cynical mood I was coding for an error box that would display the error and give a options for OK and NOT OK. If the user clicked NOT OK they would get a message saying TOO BAD.

Wordstar Error:

[farrellj]

ERROR ERROR: FATAL ERROR

At which point not only did Wordstar hang, but so did the Apple ][+!

ttyl
Farrell

Unix errors...

[bytesmythe]

$ man "my ass"

No manual entry for my ass

Well, duh!

[tsg]

"Insufficient Disk Space to perform this operation. Please delete some files and try again."

Received while deleting (not moving to the recycle bin) files from a nearly full drive.

Windows media player 7

[Fembot]

I think it was windows media player that comes with win2k that said "Error: The pins are not connected" needless to say I took a screen shot of it :-)

Also of interestError message hall of shame

Re:Windows media player 7

[BurritoWarrior]

LOL. You are not alone:

http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=k b; en-us;Q300366

no joke...

[thegarbageman]

After finishing a database application I got a complaint from the accounts payable office that the new program was telling her "money is not an object"

My favorite

[Milinar]

"Microsoft Word cannot edit the unknown."

When you write your own errors

[dmorin]

"Tech support."
"The printer doesn't work."
"Is there an error? What does it say?"
"It's all the way in the next room."
"Ma'am, I need to know the error."
"It says printer error."
"Could you read me exactly what is says?"
"I remembered. That's what it says. Printer error."
"Ok, ma'am? You're talking to the guy that wrote the software. I know for a fact that it doesn't say printer error, because I never wrote an error message that says printer error. Now please put down the phone, go into the other room, and read me the real message."
*click*

True story.

Re:When you write your own errors

[DNAGuy]

This is why I became a programmer in the first place. As a tech support type, I always wanted to be the guy who knew just about everything about the systems I was working on. I figured there was no better way than to write them myself.

I still get satisfaction when a user asks, "How do you know that?" and I can say, "because I wrote it that way." :)

win xp shutdown

[reitoei1971]

Xp just died once, citing kernel fault or something and displayed the message "Shutting down in 30 seconds(with a nice countdown). Please save all work." Of course, I couldnt use the keyboard or mouse to save anything.

fairly rude

[morfa]

I worked for a telecommunications giant a few years back who shipped a device containing a ftp server which replied "sod off" if you entered an invalid password. The coder was australian, which might explain the choice of wording.

strings /sbin/shutdown | grep Tyler

[universatile_style]

Oh hello Mr. Tyler - going DOWN? :)

Re:strings /sbin/shutdown | grep Tyler

[jeremyacole]

I tried this on my system, and it does indeed yield that result:

(jcole@mugatu) [~]$ strings /sbin/shutdown | grep Tyler
Oh hello Mr. Tyler - going DOWN?

So I was curious, and looked it up. What I found was:

sysvinit-2.78.4/src/dowall.c:145:

#ifdef AEROSMITH
if (fromshutdown &&
!strcmp(utmp->ut_user, "tyler"))
fputs("Oh hello Mr. Tyler - going DOWN?\r\n",
tp);
#endif

What's more curious is that on my system (SuSE 7.3) the define AEROSMITH must have been defined in order for that to end up in the binary. Curious. ;)

Re:strings /sbin/shutdown | grep Tyler

[Anonymous Coward]

On a whim I tried it on my copy as well, and I too get this message...on a Sony Playstation 2. I wonder if Aerosmith is a Sony artist?

SQL Server

[Old Wolf]

If you try and install SQL Server 2000 Service Pack 1 on Windows 98, it proceeds for a while and then fails with a messagebox:

"Unable to run the script files."

Of course, they didnt think to mention which files, or why they couldnt run...

Re: real BSOD

[J'raxis]

Emulator?

(WINE, SoftPC, ...)

Personal Favorite

[Anonymous Coward]

I once got one in windows that said: Catastrophic failiure OK I had a picture of it until very recently...

Understanding the MVS Error Message

[Anonymous Coward]

The MVS message is just a description of what is happening inside the OS delivered by a person, not an error message. If someone tells you that stuff and you dont understand it you are in the wrong organisation. Of course, being able to reproduce it without scrambling it suggests that you did know what it meant. Error messages are aimed at specific audiences, "lp on fire" made sense once, as the audience changed it got more and more frightening to that audience and eventually had to be removed from most Unices. z/OS is in the interesting position of straddling the Unix and MVS populations, a consistent view of the users is probably not possible now.

Re:Understanding the MVS Error Message

[fishnuts]

"lp# on fire" still exists in the linux kernel.
check linux/drivers/char/lp.c for that one. ... and in linux/drivers/net/eexpress.c: "board on fire". That's when your 10mbit intel card figures it REALLY CAN'T do 100mbit, as it had once hoped :)

3D Studio Max

[Anonymous Coward]

I always liked that3D Studio Max says:

"Your about to experience a crash, please save your work and exit."

I'd have thought it better to, well, fix the error if you can detect it. ;)

RedHat 7.1 system

[TheCabal]

"You're running me on a live system! That's incredibly stupid."

This popped up in a RedHat 7.1 system while trying to get some QLogic HBA adapters to work.

GEC4090 error message in hex

[matt_wilts]

One of the hex crashcodes of the X25 packet-switches I worked on on the JANET network in the 1980s had a crash code of "EEEEDEAD".

Matt

here are a few

[agnosonga]

unix command line errors
haiku errors

Linux kernel error.

[OoSync]

I forget exactly what cluster fark caused this one. Its Linux kernel error message, works even for root:

You do not exist. Go away!

Use Of Gnarly not giving credit!

[DrPascal]

The correct headline should be written as:

GNU/Gnarly Error Messages?

Come on people...

-1 Flamebait, +1 Lame, +1 Funny = +2! Not bad.

java servlet/j2EE stack traces Re:C++ Templates

[StandardDeviant]

Stack traces from within a servlet/J2EE container can be just as bad. "An exception was raised in Blah (called by Foo called by Bar called by Baz called by Quux called by yo mamma called by the illuminati called by the paper boy called by the log cabin republicans called by yo mamma again (boy, she done get around) called by larry wall called by 'jenny' the transvestite stripper homless man called by cowbody neal called by ..." on and on for several hundred lines...

Re:java servlet/j2EE stack traces Re:C++ Templates

[rfsayre]

see, I usually read those as:

An exception was raised in ThingWrittenByMe called at a bad time from AnotherThingWrittenByMe
bullshit
bullshit
bulls hit
bullshit
bullshit
bullshit ...
bullshit
called by MainThing.run()

Re:java servlet/j2EE stack traces Re:C++ Templates

[Anonymous Coward]

umm, stck traces are not bad, they're extremely helpful tracking down where your software fails (down to fricken line number of the source file where the error occured)

that is not bad, IT IS GOOD!

Re:java servlet/j2EE stack traces Re:C++ Templates

[Paul Komarek]

Suddenly I'm very happy that Python prints stack traces in reverse, so that the non-bullshit part doesn't scroll of the top of the screen.

-Paul Komarek

FIRST OPEN FIRMWARE POST

[Anonymous Coward]

DEFAULT CATCH

CLAIM FAILED

fuck off
ok

(ontopic for once. mwahahahaha)

Amiga: "User Stupidity Error"

[mtgstuber]

Many years ago on my Amiga (call me a fanatic, but I still love that machine) there was a very cool file management program. For the life of me I can't remember the name. Anyway, if you tried to do certain things, like delete a floppy disk, or format a directory, it would pop up a message "User Stupidity Error." Finally, some code that tells it like it is. I wish I could put "User Stupidity Errors" in my programs at work . . .

Does anybody remember what the name of the program was?

Re:Amiga: "User Stupidity Error"

[ferrous oxide]

It could have been Workbench...Amigas were known for their funny error messages though. Remember "Guru Meditation Error" ?

Re:Amiga: "User Stupidity Error"

[cbreaker]

Yea it's the Amiga crashout screen. I always thought "Guru Meditation Error" was pretty funny =)

Suprised nobody mentioned it besides you.

Re:Amiga: "User Stupidity Error"

[Milalwi]

Anyway, if you tried to do certain things, like delete a floppy disk, or format a directory, it would pop up a message "User Stupidity Error." Finally, some code that tells it like it is. I wish I could put "User Stupidity Errors" in my programs at work . . .

Does anybody remember what the name of the program was?

I was going to mention this one, but you beat me to it. I always thought that error message was a riot. I got it when trying to rename a file to the same name as a directory (in the same directory).

And it was "Disk Man", or at least that's the name on the icon of my 2500. (Powered up for the first time on about 2 years!)

Milalwi

AIEE!!

[kidlinux]

Heh, I had some funky x86 hardware that often caused Linux to crash. I can't remember the details exactly, but I think there was usually a big dump to screen, followed by:

Aiee, killing interrupt handler!

And the system halted. I always gotta kick out of my computer screaming "Aiee!"
Once I nearly went "Aiee!" because my system crashed (in the same manner) after a 175 day uptime, my personal record.

V7 help command

[mildness]

In 1982 I was completely new to Unix. There were two cryptic manuals and really no books. Knowing a bit about other computers one day I typed in "help". Unix replied:

"The Lord helps those who help themselves"

A riot those old Bell Labs guys!

Cheers,

Bill

7 words

[Anonymous Coward]

"an error occured loading an XBox executable"

Re: real BSOD

[Anonymous Coward]

Not with wine, they wouldn't capture a system error... or get one, in the "emulated" system. You spend too much time practicing sophistry at the Other 5ite, don't you?

Morse Code

[Anonymous Coward]

I remember a coworker a long time ago who told me about a piece of shareware that, when it threw a certain class of severe error, would give you an option call the author and hold your phone's handset to the PC speaker so that the author could receive detailed debugging information via Morse code. Don't remember what the software was, just being kind of tickled that the author would be inclined to receive such direct feedback. (long before the age of the sinister 'phone home' type of apps we see these days)

Nelson...

[Jeff Hartmann]

I once changed Windows "Fatal Error" sound on a friends computer to a WAV of Nelson from the Simpsons saying "HA HA!" I was possibly one of the funniest things ever when you see it happen to someone else. Anyone that has used Windows should know that the fatal error sound happens a lot, and usually in rapid sucession. I can say though that when it happen to me it was very unfunny!

Already said but...

[Tuffnut]

The actual line is.. "PC Load Letter?! What the fuck does that mean?"

The Mac OS wins this one hands down

[Imazalil]

There are two classic errors that occur only on the mac (in my experience)... 1) The error window crashes before it can generate the proper code for the crash leading to such great things such as "Error: -45642487" yes, it generated negative errors. and... 2) While shutting down the computer, an error pops up "Error, please restart the computer" go back to Special > Shutdown or Restart "Error, please restart the computer" repeat indefinitely.

Re:The Mac OS wins this one hands down

[cbreaker]

Those aren't really funny at all. Nor interesting. Sorry.

My favorite is a really more of a warning

[Anonymous Coward]

"Don't cross the stream's !"

BYTE's 20th Anniversary issue

[big_chief]

http://img.cmpnet.com/byte/art/9509/img/505556a2.g if

My personal favorite:

I don't eat raisins

Adobe Acrobat

[towad]

While trying to print in Adobe Acrobat in Mac OS (classic), I have several times gotten the "error":

The document could not be printed. No error has occured. [Ok]

Fun with RPM

[Salubri]

Sometimes I run into the error where RPM seems to think that it needs the package you're installing in order to install it. I find it ironic that the package would need itself to install. After all, if you have it already, why would you be installing it? Here's just one example that kept me staring at the screen trying to figure out what file I corrupted somewhere along the line... #linux>ls wine-2.xyz.rpm #linux>rpm -ivh wine-2.xyz.rpm Failed Dependencies wine-2.xyz is needed by package wine-2.xyz Kinda brings new meaning to rpm dependency hell, doesn't it?

Doing it in DOS..

[Anonymous Coward]

someone made a .btm file...

c:\>dri
It's dir, you asshole!
c:\>

Heres an error for the books....

[Rooked_One]

It was when Half Life first came out, and it had some bugs. This is the best error ever : -------- Error -------- The operation completed successfully. And no, i'm not joking.

XV

[calyxa]

(first time posting here ever, eep!) my favorite was from 'xv', an image viewer. if you tried to open something it didn't understand, it'd put up a dialog saying something like, "I'm sorry, I can't open that file." that's not too great in itself, but what brought it charm was that there was a single button on that dialog that said: Bummer! -calyxa

Redo from start

[Anonymous Coward]

I think you sort of missed the point. Of course it makes sense to have an error message (or at least a warning) when a keyboard is not detected. The problem is the suggested course of action: "press F1".

Just saw this in my dmsg output:

[peterein]

VFS: Busy inodes after unmount. Self-destruct in 5 seconds. Have a nice day...

Re:Network not found when logged in over the netwo

[Anonymous Coward]

Let me get this straight..you blocked the hostname in the .png.. but forgot you block it out on the title bar? :)

Re:Network not found when logged in over the netwo

[Anonymous Coward]

You forgot to censor the Workstation name in the task bar.

Error: Success

[rwestmor]

The most memorable error message I ever got said simply "Error: Success". Explained a lot about the app.

Duke 3D killaton collection install,,

[Reece400]

Error (insert # here) -
"You're screwed, and I don't know why,,"

I got that message everytime i tried using the
windows install, never did figure out why, lol :)

Reece,

PC Loadletter

[jabbo]

PC Load letter? What the fuck does that mean?

That bitch is lucky I'm not armed.

Re:PC Loadletter

[Anonymous Coward]

I've heard that "PC" in "PC Load Letter" stands for "Paper Cartridge" (it's asking you to load Letter size paper).

Re:PC Loadletter

[Anonymous Coward]

It's true. It was traditional for HPs to tell you WHERE it wanted you to put paper. If you had selected manual feed and the paper cartridge was out, it would tell you MF Load Letter.

Re:PC Loadletter

[Asgard]

I believe it means something like Paper Cassette -- Load Letter sized paper, or perhaps Printer Cartridge - Load Letter sized paper.

Re:PC Loadletter

[odaiwai]

It means: "We here at $PRINTER_CORP really hate you goddamn limeys or you smelly Europeans with your different paper sizes and we're going to damn well specify an American paper size by default in every single application and printer we sell, so that you have to go hunt them all out and change them individually!"

dave

Re:PC Loadletter

[Dynedain]

I hate that stupid piece of shit!

for those of you that didn't get the parent joke (or my reply) rent this movie

Re:PC Loadletter

[Anonymous Coward]

A friend of mine once had to work on an ATB Ticket Printer, used for printing out airline tickets, and actually received that message. If I recall correctly, it had something to do with a firmware/bios update of some kind.

Proprietary Company Tools

[xanie]

I work for a large company, and we at one time had a Java based Customer Information Application. It had a few good error messages like

Error: No error has occured

Error: Too much memory

These always confused the hell out of us.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

what about...

[theperplepigg]

$ man sex

No manual entry for sex.

--paul

Re:what about...

[TheMightyZog]

I always liked:

$ man woman

No manual entry for woman

On an SGI O2

[grmoc]

Double-Panic
Stack overflow and underflow

Really.

Fatalistic error messages from Banyan VINES

[Mordant]

There were a whole bunch like this:

---

SNM7204 -- FAILED TO WRITE TO DATABASE.

Reboot the server. The problem is serious if the reboot does not correct it. If this error code continues to appear, call your support representative. There is nothing you can do to correct the problem.

-----

tcsh: bill gates

[hbmartin]

With tcsh enter 'bill gates'. tcsh's helpful spelling corrector will answer 'kill gates?'

Re:I didn't make this up since I can't do ascii ar

[rfsayre]

someone please explain why this is funny, or at least what the picture means. or is it just the fact that there was a picture?

Bad Dead Bodies

[HeavensTrash]

A friend of mine recently had an error when trying to start up Diablo 2; "Bad Dead Bodies"... I'm not really sure what Bad Dead Bodies means, but I think it kinda scared him.

ws ftp

[reitoei1971]

In my copy of WS_FTP (ver 7 pro?), downloading a file through a symlink results in huge >100 "percent done" numbers. Also an installation program managed to copy 102% of the files.

My Favorite

[the eric conspiracy]

The best error message I ever received was from an older version of Eudora on the Mac.

If you close all the windows for Eurora but still have the appliaction open, nad start typing a message it will respond with:

"You might as well stop typing because nobody is listening".

Totally Zen.

Internet Explorer Error Message

[cbowland]

Back in the day, when I.E. 3.x was all the rage, I did tech support for a online medical subscription service. My favorite error message was

wait for it...

Your browser is wrong.

Re:I didn't make this up since I can't do ascii ar

[theperplepigg]

it's from the guide....

don't panic!!!

--paul

maximizer error

[trybywrench]

Here's one i got from maximizer ( contact manager for windows ).

An unknown error has occurred on the N/A file.

That was usually followed by a long sigh.. from me

It's all about the donuts, baby.

[cookd]

This was in the back of PC Magazine a few weeks ago. Sorry I can't remember the specifics.

Setting: A published piece of software, in a moderately obscure error case. The first half of the error message is fabricated (since I don't remember the specifics) but the second half tells volumes about programmers and their motivations:

This feature has not yet been correctly implemented. Bad Programmer. No donut.

Sexiest error message EVER!

[tweakt]

.

Barbara and Victora... ACCESS FORBIDDEN!

lameness
filter
sucks

A coworker of mine....

[AtariDatacenter]

She approached me because she couldn't understand why she kept getting this error. It said, "Not a logical operator." I think she took it personally. ;)

my favourite error message...

[Anonymous Coward]

I like to put the following error message into my programs:

"Error 0x7afd: Stupid user error."

Windows

[Cheese Cracker]

I once got this message while running an inhouse Windows application at my former workplace:

Can't find 'User' on C:\Windows\

Well, try C:\Linux\ then... ;)

My personal favorite

[exley]

Back in the days of middle school, I got this error on one of the Macs when trying to get my floppy back:

Not enough memory to eject disk

I'm a bit leary...

[/dev/trash]

We are experiencing MVS processor spin loops, the programs are running while holding a disabled CPU. This is causing XCF communication delays to the point where we are losing VTAM RTP routing, are suffering OSPF adjacency failures on TCP/IP dynamic routing and MIM VCF failures. Whatever this code is, it should NOT be propagated to production or we run the risk of losing the development plex if XCF signaling is adversely impacted by processor disabled spin loops'.

Was that the actual error message? Or was that how he explained what was happening?

Re:I'm a bit leary...

[rogueroo]

Definitely _not_ the actual error message. Sounds more like someone describing the current environment. First, all IBM MVS error messages have a message identifier indicating the operating system component or subsystem that trapped the error. Second, generally IBM MVS error messages describe only the specific problem being encountered . . . they don't list all of the possible effects. Finally, IBM generally doesn't evaluate the viability of promoting application code to production status for its customers. IBM manual example

Silent death (long)

[RetiredMidn]

Old story, but still my favorite...

In the 70's I worked in a college computer center equipped with an RCA Spectra 70 batch-oriented system. I was fixing a problem with one of the line printers (paper stacking) when I got a bad static shock from the printer cabinet, at which point the printer abruptly stopped printing.

I walked over to the operator's console to report the problem, and was interrupted by the console teletype printing a message (paraphrased):

Job 00371 has device LPT1 in silent death

While we were trying to figure that out, the console continued to print out messages every 30 seconds or so:

Job 00358 has device MTA0 in silent death

Job 00364 has device CDR0 in silent death

...and so on through all the peripherals. The center's systems programmer was called in, and he indicated that he had no idea what the messages meant. About this time the console printed the line:

Job *SYS* has device CPU0 in silent

...and stopped.

G77 error (yes, it's Fortran)

[cheezfreek]

This was just posted earlier today on comp.lang.fortran in a "what the hell is this?" message:

read start: end of file apparent state: unit 5 named DATAIN.TXT
last format: list io lately reading sequential formatted external IO

abnormal program termination

Of Course ...

[bizitch]

I am the blue screen of death ... nobody hears your screams.

On a postcard

[ferrous oxide]

Saw this fake error on a postcard at the MassMOCA museum in Massachusetts:

"Error: There is not enough RAM in the known universe to complete the opperation you have requested."

Not quite an error, but...

[Anonymous Coward]

I once was trying to see if a block of code was being executed, so I put in a message box that said "Foo!". Our local production manager shipped it to a number of customers (despite me telling him not to), and one called up complaining she was getting a "Foo error". That version became known as "The Foo Version".

From an old version of BSD I think....

[Anonymous Coward]

$ man why did you get a divorce
man: too many arguments

Guru List

[Anonymous Coward]

Wish I had the karma to spend on the parent.

Here're some Secret Guru Decoder Rings, for the curious: amiga.emugaming.com's version, or the AmigaDOS Online Reference Manual's.

The latter site features a few more errors to chew on, like the colored POST codes and filesystem error numbers; do keep in mind that the 'News Flash' on the site is from 1999(?), and is now only a historical document itself. Check the comments of the recent MorphOS article here if you wonder what everyone's up to now.

I nearly had a heart attack

[woogieoogieboogie]

My first day on a new job, I ran into this error.

"Catastrophic Error"

http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=KB; EN-US;Q245500&

When accessing a db from ASP.

You're right.

[Anonymous Coward]

W2k fucks up with too big a hard disk, and Windows 95 can't handle more than about a half gig of RAM (even though Big Bill said it could handle four)

Zen Error

[daniel_isaacs]

Classic Mac OS had a great error. When you had a window for a folder open, and tried to drag and drop the folder's icon into that window, you'd get something like "A folder may not be placed within itself."

Re:Zen Error

[DunbarTheInept]

And that is one way in which Unix is superior. In Unix you *can*, with linking (hard or soft), put a directory inside itself if you had some reason to.

Re:Zen Error

[trainsnpep]

*scratches head*
Have you seen what that does when you try FTP something with a link to itself?, or a parent of itself? I crashed my FTP program because it ended up making 250-something folders....

I'm not sure whether it was ftpd's fault for following the links, or my FTP program's for letting such a long directory structure exist...

----

Re:Zen Error

[Zagadka]

First, you can't make a hard link to a directory.

Second, I think the real zen here is in the way you say Unix is superior to the Mac, when Macs running OS X effectively are running a variant of Unix.

Re:Zen Error

[Ctrl-Z]

I remember at some point in the past using that technique so that a tmp-cleaner would leave a particular directory alone. Unfortunately, I can't remember exactly how the link went.

Re:Zen Error

[Anonymous Coward]

Second it depends on the OS.

Linux does not allow hardlinks to dirs, Solaris trusts root to know what it does (from manpage):

The super-user may make multiple links to a directory. Unless the caller is the super-user, the file named by existing must not be a directory.

Re:Zen Error

[p3d0]

You can't hard-link directories. See info ln:

On all existing implementations, you cannot make a hard link to a directory, and hard links cannot cross filesystem boundaries. (These restrictions are not mandated by POSIX, however.)

If hard-linking directories were allowed, the directory tree would no longer be a tree, but an arbitrary graph, and lots of algorithms would become much more complicated.

Re:Zen Error

[tarth]

You could accomplish the same thing in classic Mac OS with an alias, the Mac term for a soft link.

Re:Zen Error

[shogun]

On all existing implementations, you cannot make a hard link to a directory, and hard links cannot cross filesystem boundaries. (These restrictions are not mandated by POSIX, however.)

*sigh* so often i've wanted to hard link directories, and across file systems to boot. Would enable me to give chrooted users access to some material thats kept elsewhere easily without letting them wander around the filesystem.

Re:Zen Error

[jonadab]

> And that is one way in which Unix is superior. In Unix you *can*,
> with linking (hard or soft), put a directory inside itself if you
> had some reason to.

Doing it with a hard link, however, is an incredibly bad idea, even
more problematic than creating a directory name with a space in it,
and something that the OS _should_ stop you from doing, because
there's no reason good enough to justify it.

Even doing it with a symlink is asking for trouble.

Re:Zen Error

[Anonymous Coward]

Geez, guys. There's a link to a directory contained within itself in ALL directories, under DOS/WINDOWS/UNIX. I'm not sure about the old MacOS, since I never use it, but OSX has it for sure. You're just so used to it, you forget it exists, but the hidden file "." is a link to the directory it's contained in. And it's a very important feature of the filesystem.

Re:Zen Error

[Anonymous Coward]

*sigh* so often i've wanted to hard link directories, and across file systems to boot. Would enable me to give
chrooted users access to some material thats kept elsewhere easily without letting them wander around the
filesystem.


This would *NOT* be safe. Remember that a chrooted directory exists to prevent users from accessing the parent directory. However, if you created the following tree:
/usr/usefull-files/really-big-files/a
/usr/usefull-files/really-big-files/b
/chroot-jail/etc
/chroot-jail/bin
/chroot-jail/link-to-big-files ->
/usr/usefull-files/really-big-files/a

where chroot-jail/link-to-big-files is a link to the directory /usr/usefull-files/really-big-files/a.

the user in the chroot-jail could do the following

chdir("/");
chdir("link-to-big-files");
chdir( "..");
chdir("..");
chdir("..");

at this point the user's directory would be /usr, even though they're in a chroot! Not good.

Re:Zen Error

[greenrd]

That's what mount -bind and related options are for on Linux. See man mount.

By definition, the worst error message ...

[Anonymous Coward]

would have to be the time I was using an ATM and it had a BSOD. It was running NT 3.51 apparently.

No, I never did get my money back either.

javascript

[POds]

I know javascript isnt hardcore programming (but yes i C/C++ and Java "it up" sometimes) but it can produce some very funny errors.

"null is null or not an object"

old Apple kernel calls...

[muddy_mudskipper]

one afternoon, while pushing the limits of an Apple II+, me and my cousin managed to get the system to display "Call Kernel xxx-xxxx"
at the wise age of 13, we decided to pick up the phone and call the "number" (hey, call kernel - why not, maybe he could help us!)
to further weird things out, there was some funky "government-sounding" answering queue on the number we called, so we hung up quickly and watched the doors and windows for the next hour...

QNX has a history...

[Anonymous Coward]

...of awful easter eggs.

Check the results of 'sin toomuch,' 'pidin english,' and so forth.

Help with No Help

[shatfield]

This is from the Microsoft Visual Studio 6 IDE, when double clicking on a keyword and pressing the "F1" key:

Help not available.
[OK] [Help]

Clicking on the Help button brought up the help system that wasn't available some 3 seconds prior.

man woman

[gradedcheese]

$ man woman
no manual entry for woman ...damn : (

Corrupt files on Win95

[Kidbro]

A former colleague of mine encountered a gem in Win95. Unfortunately, I have no screen shot, but and it's not really an error message, but anyway;

While, I believe, double clicking on a directory icon in the explorer in order to open it, a dialog box occurs:
"The files in this directory are corrupt. Do you want to move these files to the trashcan? [OK]"

Only one button, OK, was providing for answering this fatal question...

Which reminds me of a wonderful message I got when I was installing a version of Rational's UML modelling package Rose back in... 97 I guess. No screenshot here either, and I probably remember the exact wording wrong, but something along the lines of:
"Rational Rose has detected that UNKNOWN is installed on your computer. Do you want to uninstall UNKNOWN before continuing? [OK] [Cancel]"

While programming

[RedWolves2]

When I program the message that kills me is:

"Error Expected"

I wish I was expecting it.

Hodie Natus Est Radici Frater

[Anonymous Coward]

"For unto us today a Brother of Root is born!"

Google it for the explanation.

Mac errors

[jtharpla]

Classic Mac apps had some cool error messages. OS 7.6 had a crash that produced a "Bluets and Granola Bars!" error. OS 7.6.1 went one better with "Just figured out what BETA stands for". This is documented at MacVirus

Course I'm also partial to Amiga's "Guru Meditation error" or the Atari ST's cherry bombs (the number of cherry bombs indicated the severity of the error, leading one writer to comment that if you got six or seven (forget the number) bombs, your Atari might as well jump off the desk and hurl itself into the trash!)

Re:Mac errors

[cps42]

I had a PowerPC clone on OS 7.5 with a mainboard error that imitated the corrupt finder error:

"Blueberries and Crumpets are a chewy treat."

seen in log file...

[Anonymous Coward]

"Problem with log file. Error not written."

Win98SE

[zerOnIne]

an interesting one i came accross in Win98SE once:

Error: PERROR17 - Error description for 'ERR:GeneralErrMsg' not available.

I'm still not sure where it came from ...

What About...

[larry2k]

In the MS-DOS era, i remember a funny message:

Please insert disk 8 of 7 and press any key.

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[4444444]

try setting the computer name to com1 on any version of windows

Weird thing on stack

[seastar]

An infrequent error message in the otherwise wonderful T programming language, developed in the late 1980's at Yale. Helas T has not been for over a decade and wasn't ported to many architectures (sparc and a few others, but not X86)

My Favs...

[Nezer]

My Favorites are a tie between the old "Guru Meditation Error" on the Amiga and the "Double Panic" in SCO OpenServer where the system not only panics once but panics again when it realizes it can't talk to the dump device all-of-a-sudden.

Then there's the obligatory "General Protection Fault" and, my favorite, "Your computer has performed an illegal operation". Leave it to Bill Gates and co. to scare the shit out of old people that can barly read their email let alone grasp the fact that the FBI *isn't* going to knock at thier door in a few minutes.

My Favorite Error Message

[rscrawford]

My first computer was a TRS-80 Color Computer 2. Error messages on that system were given as question mark followed by a 2-letter code and the word "Error". So, for example, a syntax error in your BASIC program would look like this:

?SN ERROR IN LINE 210

My favorite error of all showed up when you tried to write to or read from a disk file that wasn't open. This is the message I got:

?NO ERROR IN LINE 210 ...Which always confused the hell out of me until I finally figured out that NO stood for "Not Open"...

True Story

[MakeItStopItHurts]

In 1996 I was working at a Web development firm called Giant Step in Chicago. At that time a lot of people (including Bill Gates) still thought the Web wasn't going to change much. I had referred a friend, named Andy (who may read this) for a programming job there. He was immediately assigned to work on the new Oldsmobile Web site, which accounted (at the time) for something like 3/4 of our annual revenue. The is old enough to have been missed by the Internet Archive. What a shame. Oldsmobile was going to use a really new markup feature: Frames. Andy was (like most geeks) a pretty antisocial person, so in his tag, he always typed: You're a loser, get a real browser.&lt/noframes> When Oldsmobile launched the new Web site, they launched it on dialup capable consoles right in some dealer showrooms. The consoles were shipped running the latest and greatest (Windows 95) and a brand new browser from Microsoft. Yes, it was flawed back then too. Andy didn't know he had it right -- MS wasn't even a player then, and no one took them seriously. The time between when the first dealer called our client-service rep complaining that the new system had called him a loser to the time Andy was fired, packed, and gone was about 10 minutes.

Lightwave

[schizm]

Not a worrisome message, but when you cancel an animation save in Lightwave 3D, you get the message "Animation cancelled, No Big deal"

"Hey that wasn't supposed to happen"

[Anonymous Coward]

I had a friend who got an error on his mac that said "Hey! that wasn't supposed to happen". He even got a screen shot of it to save it for posterity.

Food related computer error

[Anonymous Coward]

Surly someone out there remembers/has seen the old
Borland error: $0BAD $F00D (F zero zero D).
I don't recall waht caused the error. I've seen
some other amusing hex-style errors as well.

Mac Classic error

[agrounds]

While running some trajectory simulations through MacSpin 2.0 on my Mac Classic back in 1991, I had MacSpin bail on me and the entire System froze to this bizarre gray screen with a single dialogue box. It said:
You have entered the Twilight Zone at sector -27359. Continue?
The only button said 'OK'.
I actually called Apple about this error, and after chewing on it for about 12 hours, they called me back and said they felt it was a trap left in by the programmers of MacSpin, and to just reboot.

Spanglish

[Anonymous Coward]

A favorite of mine, in spanglish no less:

THIS SHOULD NEVER HAPPENS!!!!!!

MS-DOS's "REN"

[Dr.Dubious DDQ]

My all-time favorite is the old "ren" error - "Duplicate file name or file not found".

If it's not immediately funny - parse it:
"Duplicate file name" = "The file exists"
"File not Found" = "The file doesn't exist"

So...basically the error message says "the file exists or it doesn't"....

Who is general failure, and why is he trying ...

[geoswan]

Who is general failure, and why is he trying to read my drive?

I didn't make this up. I saw it in someone else's signature file. Obviously a response to the MS error message:

General Failure reading drive a:

Big error.

[Chas]

Was at a LAN party about a year or so ago. A guy crashed, hard, out of Giants. The thing spat an error message that took up 2/3 of his screen. And he was running at 1600x1200.

And before we could get a screenie of it, the dumbass closed it!

Something wrong!

[Icephreak1]

I used to work for Netcom Canada where we had our own in-house software for business related hosting services, and no word of a lie, while I was once testing the software it unexpectedly crashed with the error:

Something wrong!

Naturally I laughed.

- IP

No Ink

[Anonymous Coward]

Printer init error

Some ink wrong...

KMAG YOYO

[surfcow]

KMAG YOYO ... reportedly an MVS error. Displayed only when a theoretically impossible state occurred. Once, while testing the system, it came up. The old programmer said it meant: "kiss my *ss guys, you're on your own".

Deleting files in Windows...

[eplese]

I'm not sure what version of Windows it was with, but I once saw the error message that was something like...

Error deleting file: No more disk space.

Re:make: stop. don't know how to make love!

[Anonymous Coward]

>From: dm@think.com (Dave Mankins)

Honeywell's customer service department once got a very concerned
message from a confused customer whose MULTICS system had printed:

Hodie natus est radici frater

before giving up the (holy?) ghost. ``Today unto the root is born a
brother''.

This is a hack on ``Hodie natus est filius nobis'', or ``Today unto us
is born a son''. I don't know the reference exactly, but it's in
Handel's Messiah.

It seems a Multics hacker (allegedly Bernie Greenberg) at MIT had
inserted the liturgical allusion when it detected the ``impossible
event'' of the filesystem deciding it had two roots.

[Greenberg is also known for having taken notes in Latin (``for
clarity and precision'') when in the fever dream induced by first
exposure to a Rubik's Cube.]

First programming job

[Anonymous Coward]

At the first place I ever worked as a programmer, there was a piece of code running on a mainframe that had an error message in it that was, theoritically, never to be hit. One day, it went off.

The message:

"Shut yer down, Clancy, she's a pumpin' mud!"

heheheh

Gotta light?, make love, and bad magic number

[Charles Dodgeson]

On older versious of csh, the error message to

gotta light?

was pretty good. (It was "No match").

Also earlier Unix make, (not GNU make) had a nice error response to make love. ("don't know how to make love. Stop.")

One of my favorites, as a complete newbie in 1979, was probagly the consequence of typing ld in place of ls in some long forg The result was "bad magic number". That truly had me baffled.

Re:Network not found when logged in over the netwo

[Anonymous Coward]

Why censor the host name anyway? Embarassed by the name "Wendy"? :o)

Re:Read BSOD

[ModernGeek]

Yes, I remember crashing Windows 2000 by taking out the operating systems hard drive (hot swap scsi) while it was running, it was cool. Windows 9x just BSOD's every 15 minutes for stupid stuff, not serious things.

Ow my eyes

[Anonymous Coward]

succeptable? Surely you mean susceptible.

I would recommend an online dictionary while writing online.

error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

"Unknown has caused an error in unknown; unknown will now close"

TeX

[Sandmann]

TeX can produce the error

"Interwoven alignment preambles are not allowed"

and all the TeXbook has to say about it is:

"If you have been so devious as to get this
message, you will understand it, and you will
deserve no sympathy"

Favorite Mac Error message

[overunderunderdone]

Well this one is not really an error message. There was a multimedia company that had a promotional floppy (this was before CD's) that had this gag error message pop up on your mac (it's been a while so I might not get the wording exactly right)

"How would you like if I erased all your files?" with two buttons both of which said "OK". If you clicked on the button it would say "just kidding" if you clicked anywhere else it would call you a coward.

Re:Favorite Mac Error message

[Seehund]

Heh.

> if you clicked anywhere else it would call you a coward.

Well, AFAIK that's default behaviour of everything in MacOS pre-X. Wonderful one-and-a-half-tasking. ;)

BASIC and old TRS-80 models

[xihr]

I don't remember the precise model number, but one of the old TRS-80 machines (Model I, Model II, something like that) would had some positively helpful syntax errors that consistent entirely of "HUH?" or "WHAT?"

Re:Engrish!

[NoMoreNicksLeft]

Are you sure some of those aren't ebonics error messages?

Kernel 2.0 , my dumb error

[Lupulack]

I remember way back in the 2.0.x days , I tried enabling SMP support on a dual P150 machine. This was when doing so entailed editing the makefile by hand.

Well , I apparently did something wrong , because on booting my shiny new SMP enabled kernel I got the error message,

"This should never happen. You must have done something extraordinarily stupid. I suggest you fix it."

Oddly enough , that day I considered myself honoured.

Best Windows 2000 error message

[phish]

Error at instruction 0x00 the memory could not be "read"

(quotes are theirs, not mine :)

Expected vs unexpected errors

[jmorris42]

Of course. If you are saving a file to disk, disk full, write error, write protect, etc are all examples of errors that should be expected and allowances made. Getting a seg fault would be UNexpected and falling back to the apps generic error handler is probably acceptable.

Microsoft Money

[Anonymous Coward]

I saw this one in Windows Magazine of all places:
"An error had occered but the error message could not be displayed because of another error."
I also offten get error messages telling me that the programe will have to be terminated, this always happens AFTER the programe is finished closing...

keyboard not found, press any key to continue

[Broadcatch]

I've actually gotten this one.

Of course, the problem is, which one is the "any" key?

IBM never released this...

[Anonymous Coward]

Back in the late '80s I worked on a project at IBM. The documentation writers were not native English speakers. After reporting the cause of an error, the User Guide and Reference said: "Action: take a dump."

Once and for all:

[Durindana]

The canonical Office Space quote goes precisely thus:

"PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean?"

Plustek? Mustek? Some kinda scanner

[fredsan]

A few years ago, we were installing some drivers for a scanner on a computer in a classroom... The installation appeared to go fine, but the software added something to the RUN= line in Win 3.11's INI. When Windows restarted, and that program executed, it brought up a dialog that said:

"System was destroyed."

Automated Buffoonery

[elvis the frog]

Two servers, we'll call them A and B, having an argument (over punctuation, I think). The error channel is in-band:

A: "SEND: *"
B: "INVALID COMMAND: *"
A: "INVALID COMMAND: INVALID COMMAND: *"
B: "INVALID COMMAND: INVALID COMMAND: INVALID COMMAND: *" ...and so at a prodigious rate.
I fell on the floor laughing as the systems involved fell over from mutual DOS.

Does not Grok

[NoWhereMan]

I am surprised no one mentioned this one yet. How many of us learned the word grok because of it? The freedom a programmer enjoys can be exhibited by the error messages. I have a vague memory of checking the uid and sending the message What are you doing Rueben? but it may have never made it into the code ;-)

recursion

[Anonymous Coward]

On an old Tandy back in '92..:

"Too Much Recursion"

(the box had to be restarted)

Richard Keil Memorial Abend #27

[shasse]

This error would (rarely) appear on Novell Netware 3.12 servers. It slipped into the production code by accident. Richard Keil was better known as "jaws" in the James Bond movies.

Re:Richard Keil Memorial Abend #27

[PRickard]

Richard Keil, eh? EE-GAHHHH!

Error: I10T

[Anonymous Coward]

Error: I10T

Won't find this on a posIT underneath the keyboard

[phiz187]

Error Message:

Your password must be at least 18770 characters and cannot repeat any of your previous 30689 passwords. Please type a different password. Type a password that meets these requirements in both text boxes.

Who's the genius that came up with this one?

I can only say...

[drink85cent]

SEG FAULT

VM

[Anonymous Coward]

I get this all the time "VM minimum is too low". How is the minimum too low? does it have too much spare vm on the hard disk? I'd love to see the comp crash cause of this error...

how lame

[kraksmoka]

Oct 13 16:45:23 ns1 named[382]: ns_forw: query(200.46.144.207.in-addr.arpa) All possible A RR's lame

yep, its lame alright

actually, its kindof a running joke on the cobalt users mailing list. seems the thing always points out lame (acutally more accurately, non-autoritative) dns servers.

Office Space

[Anonymous Coward]

Michael Bolton: "PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?!

we'll have to re-enter the entire spreadsheet

[Astrorunner]

Noooo, no, no, no. Just rewrite the 'autoexec.bat' file and stick in a memory manager, that's all. Just take a minute. Don't worry!

Mod this as a troll if you must

[ninewands]

But the funniest "error message" I've ever seen was:

win.exe not found:
(A)bort, (R)etry, (C)heer

Too many errors on one line. Make fewer.

[mveloso]

This is from the classic MPW C 68k compiler. There were lots more messages, most of which I've forgotten. Apparently the writer was an englishman with a truly droll sense of humor.

A great error message from Clipper

[Anonymous Coward]

Those of you who used the Clipper xBase compiler years ago might be interested in an error message that beat any I ever saw before or since:

"Something terrible has happened..."

I knew about this because I met one of the architects of Clipper. He told me about it and showed me the error text in the code. It was an error for basically some particularly obscure memory situation that was otherwise undiagnosed. I would have given a lot to see someone's face if they saw that pop up on the screen!

The recycled conundrum

[Anonymous Coward]

I didn't see this one here, well you have a look.

The folder "Recycle bin" is a system folder. If you delete it, windows or another program may not work properly. Are you sure you want to delete this folder and move all it contents to the recycle bin?

VirtualPC inside VirtualPC

[Phroggy]

An amusing error I got when trying to run VirtualPC for Windows inside VirtualPC for Mac. Yes, this is real.

Re:VirtualPC inside VirtualPC

[russellh]

...the things we try after 1 AM. heheheheh...

Re:VirtualPC inside VirtualPC

[Anonymous Coward]

Wow, i didn't realize there was a VPC that ran on x86. Leet!

Re:Read BSOD

[cscx]

I have heard, however, that there are special versions of Solaris that, when coupled with the correct special Sun hardware, let you pull out the processor while the OS is up. Now that's cool, but _why_ would you want to do such a thing?

Mainframe message

[cbdavis]

Message to confirm the creation of the CPU
firmware IOCDS file:

File is Writed

"Possible hardware or software error"

[Garg]

A friend who used to work on Burroughs equipment told me he once that message.

I like the 'possible' part. (It could be neither! Quantum physics no doubt involved!)

What's really scary is I understood most of the message that prompted this article...

Garg

Eudora programmers

[0x0d0a]

Eudora is a very nice piece of software. The developers had quite a sense of humor -- I distinctly remember a checkbox for "waste CPU cycles drawing trendy 3d junk".

Eudora was also very good at actually *describing* what an option did (unlike MS software, which usually says something like "The website could not be contacted", which does the end user no good and gives the troubleshooter headaches. Error messages also contained relevant information, and the whole piece of software was fast and stable.

Definitely one of the better written apps I've ever used, and one where it seems that the engineer/techie types had more leeway.

Re:Eudora programmers

[qengho]

Eudora...developers had quite a sense of humor

The release notes for an old version had a note that said something like "Tracking down [some error] was so exciting for my three-year-old daughter that she threw up."

Re:Eudora programmers

[Bert Peers]

Heh, yeah. I'm running the Ad-version of Eudora, which is free but shows a small, tolerable ad in the lower left corner. One day I got an error that basically came down to Eudora thinking I was trying to get rid of the ad by displaying an Always On Top window over it ! Which was nice, I mean, someone over there has to be smart enough to anticipate that hack, and then do something about it as well (I'm not sure how I'd go about detecting that, other than doing ugly desktop DC grabs or so). Too bad I was _not_ covering up the window, maybe my Hauppauge confused them :) But the techs definitely have some freedom there.

My favorite from an ex-employer

[dfinster]

We sent this out to the big-six accounting firms in our tax-compliance application several years ago:

"Shut 'er down Clancy - She's pumpin' mud."

Another year this one went out:

"So sad, too bad, nighty night, zzzz."

Expensive error messages...

[Brad42]

Whilst working for a certain international car manufacturer that shall remain anonymous, and whilst trying to restart a certain vastly expensive system after an upgrade, received but one line before the software crashed completely:

"You've got a problem there Tex"

The complete lack of usefullness was more than made up for by the fun of reporting the error back to the vendor... :)

Re:Read BSOD

[darc]

In a zero downtime environment, you may need to replace a faulty processor while the system is still hot. Most of these systems are multiprocessor though, which is why it exists.

Life's error messages

[Tablizer]

Unknown Error in "step 5. Profit!"

I have had a few oddball messages too.

[MrNybbles]

I had a Windows 98 program I was writing and some file got linked that somehow wasn't updated. The address of the error was 0000:cafedead. At first I thought the computer was trying to tell me something. I had another one that was along the lines of "Unable to open the folder foo because it doesn't exist." So did I just double click on a non-existant folder? The one that really bugs me is when I shutdown Windows and it hangs and I am forced to power off. On the next boot I usually get an error message about it not being shut down properly. Why can't Windows unmount the disks BEFORE it hangs? I'd ask for it never to hang, but I don't think I could do that with a striaght face.

Re:make: stop. don't know how to make love!

[Anonymous Coward]

Ahh, the memories of typing:

SCRATCH "MY BALLS"

into a Commodore PET.

Media Player 9Beta(they forgot to enter the error)

[DaHat]

This is where the problem and solution goes (ErrorCode, ExtraInfo)

Multivac said...

[Chuan-kai Lin]

Insufficient data for meaningful answer.

Isaac Asimov, The Last Question

Cold Fusion

[ph4t0ny]

My favorite of all time:
Error
An error has occurred

Cold Fusion 3.1-5

ID10T error.

[littlej]

Probably one of the most famous errors that I can think of is the ID10T error.

I have to admit that I've never actually seen a computer generate this error on its own, but with the assistance of brain-dead users who barely understand how to use their bank card let alone anything else, it does give techie's everywhere a way to express frustration to unwitting individuals. :-)

Java

[ReadParse]

What, I need to elaborate?

Weird error messages?

[dacarr]

Ooh, ooh, ooh! I have one! It's second hand though.

A friend who has since moved to Chicago had described to me the kernel panic message in SCO Unix. When it finished panicking, the machine's last words were "Aieeee! I'm going to die now!..." The machine never rebooted after than, and they just installed Linux on it afterwards.

For the record, I had an older version of Linux on a 486 once that KP'ed on me - it had a similar message at the bottom of the screen. Have any other Linux users out there experienced this?

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[catsidhe]

Patient: Doctor, whenever I do this [incredibly stupid thing] it really really hurts.

Doctor: Don't do it, then!

Duh!

This, and similar anecdotes, remind me of logical processes such as: "Hey, it is physically possible to put this pistol to my head and pull the trigger, therefore it must be OK to do so! I wonder what will happen?"

The horror! The Horror!

Goldmine Front Office install

[Anonymous Coward]

There are two errer messages that can be generated while installing FO on Windows 2000 that completely baffle the mind. One is a dialog box with nothing but an exclamation point, and an okay button. What makes it better is that it does absolutely nothing other than scaring the unlucky sod who gets it. The other is a question mark with a yes and no button. Picking either one crashes the install.

Back from the days of the PDP-11

[Eevee]

Best error message I ever came across in some custom code. Shut her down, Clancy. She's pumping mud.

Pegasus Mail 3.xx, Windows 3.11fW

[juggy]

After moving a mail, the program crashed with the following error:
You asked for it, you got it!

From ed(1)...

[Dum2007]

dum2007@vis:~% ed
The rain in spain...
?
Uh
?
Help?
?
Damnit.
?
Quit
?
q
dum2007@vis:~%

Re:Read BSOD

[sg_oneill]

Yeah. It's some pretty amazing stuff. A friend of mine attempted to put together (It didn't work) a linux kernel patch that allowed hot swapping of kernels (updates).Didn't work tho the theory was reasonably sound. How would ones microsoft friends feel on that? "I just upgraded to a new operating system and the web server was up the whole time."

Found in Air Traffic Management Code:

[mekkab]

Return_Value = Otay_Buckwheat;

Right up there with 0xDEADBEEF- RS6000 proc's when the registers aren't initialized.

Re:Found in Air Traffic Management Code:

[angelo]

AIX 4.3 running on PPC has a d39dbeef error when there is a hardware problem. I've also seen a 0xdeadbeef before on a model 230. It was an error I was happy to see (230s were garbage)

Re:Found in Air Traffic Management Code:

[jack in the mac]

yeah, i saw DEADBEEF in macsbug when login crapped out once

engrish error message..

[bo0push3r]

from a driver/application package belonging to a commodity..

"This program no work under this version Windows!!!"

Rent Office Space!

[Brian_Ellenberger]

Both you and the guy that modded me "overrated" really really need to rent the movie Office Space. Trust me, if you have ever worked in an office you will laugh your butt off. :)

Shut her down Scotty, she's sucking mud again.

[Ldir]

True story, this message was in Tandy Xenix c. 1982 or so. The Tandy 16/6000 ran Xenix (UNIX System III with a lot of the BSD enhancements) on a Motorola 68000, but used a Z80 subsystem for I/O processing, including the console. This message was generated on the console by the Z80 subsystem. I don't remember exactly what caused it - it was really rare - but it basically meant the system was thoroughly hosed. You could see the message in the "z80ctl" binary if you knew where to look.

I doubt you could get that message past the suits these days. If you did, I'm sure Paramount would demand a royalty every time the message appeared (Star Trek franchiise).

Re:Shut her down Scotty, she's sucking mud again.

[Anonymous Coward]

The variation I heard about was an MVS system dump
that said:

"Shut her down Jed. She's a pumpin mud."

Labview error

[mamba-mamba]

Labview used to (still does?) have an error dialog pop up that said "Error: insane object." In fairness to labview (an excellent piece of software IMHO) the error didn't come up often.

They also reportedly had an "Error: no error" message, although I never saw it.

--
MM

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[JWSmythe]

In Perl, die gives the line number. :)

user@home (/user) cat test.pl
#!/usr/bin/perl

die "You Shouldn't See This Error (tm)";

user@home (/user) ./test.pl
You Shouldn't See This Error (tm) at ./test.pl line 3.

"domain error: forces on balls too great"

[MillionthMonkey]

Gdk-ERROR **: Fatal IO error 9 (Bad file descriptor) on X server :0.0.
attraction: domain error: forces on balls too great

Here is a screenshot.

Not that it's exactly on topic, but here are links to a few other pictures of Windows error messages and bluescreens from the same site that I thought were funny.

one of my favourites

[squidinkcalligraphy]

`Could not delete file: not enough disk space left on drive C. Please delete some files and try again'

Also, a windows 3.11 machine once tried to tell me a 3.5 inch floppy had 2 gigabytes of free space on it. DOS told me it had negative free space.

Procomm Plus for Windows

[Spleeflarp]

I worked in the tech support department for Datastorm Technologies when they shipped Procomm Plus for Windows 2.x. This was the first version that contained fax capabilities. Because the fax technology was purchased and then, ahem, integrated, the error messages were quite frustrating. Nearly any issue even remotely relating to fax problems returned the error: Serial Comm or File System Error What a PITA...

"Not That Button, You Idiot..."

[dugndog]

Early in my career, I was writing code for a small system which required 12 hour compiles. Intermediate compile results were written to three cassette drives (standard music cassettes). As cassettes filled up they had to be removed and replaced in exactly the correct order or the system would freeze and you had to start over. Not only that, but the compiler was slightly flaky and would sometimes hang even if you did everything right. If the compiler hung, you had a fifty-fifty chance that it would continue if you pushed the red console reset button.

I was in one of those intense periods where we needed a clean compile every day. So I would code for a couple of hours, fire off a compile, and then monitor it into the night. Needless to say, after a few days, I was pretty wiped.

Late One evening, deep into the compile, the dreaded hang occurred (you could tell because the cassettes stopped turning). With trembling hand, I reached for the red button to see my fate. I pushed the button (at least I think I pushed the right button).

The console began to print...

"Not that button you idiot! the red button"

In my sleep-deprived stupor, I could only stare. Then I hesitantly reached out and pushed the red button again. The machine burped, The cassettes began to turn, I could only watch and wait the remaining hours of the compile to see if I had running code.

And no, I could never reproduce the message! (Note: if anyone cares, this was a Burroughs B-80, compiling Burroughs S-1000 software)

grep God drivers/net/eepro.c

[Leo il Leone]

printk(KERN_INFO "eepro_init_module: Auto-detecting boards (May God protect us...)\n");

Fortunately, God smiled upon me that day ;)

Television static....?

[GuyGizmo]

Though I make the claim that I've gotten nearly every type of computer error that exists at some point in time, short of the computer just flat-out exploding (this claim almost certainly isn't true, but tends to be a good ice-breaker), this one is my all time favorite, because I have no idea how I did it, nor is it ever suppose to happen:

I was writing up some code on a Macintosh a while back (OS 8.1, I believe) to do some fun graphical thingy, and when I ran it, the computer locked up, and then a second later, the monitor when into STATIC. We're talking television-style-I-can't-get-any-reception static. Very weird... Sufficed to say, I needed to pull out the power chord to get the machine to reboot, since it was one of those macs that didn't have a power switch...

TRS-80 Error

[VivianC]

My fave is still an error from the TRSDOS days:

Error: Unprintable Error

Come on! You can tell me.

Windows Install and Linux Kernel compile.

[merdark]

I remember two funny errors. Once, when installing Windows (or maybe it was dos) on a older computer, after the whole process finished it told me so and told me it was going to restart. So the computer restarted, and prompty asked me "DO YOU WANT TO FORMAT C:?"

I don't know or remember that happened. It must have been some old code laying around on a boot disk or something. But why someone would put a format command in a startup script is beyond me.

The other funny experience I had was another "user error", not an error with the software. The first time me and a freind tried to recompile the linux kernel, we were confronted with a large number of technical questions. This was one of those funky text only configuration scripts that asks you if you want support 'X' and support 'Y' and such.

Well, having never compiled the kernel before, we looked at the possible answers (Y/N/M). "Ok", we thought, "Y is for yes, N is for no... but M? What the hell is M???." So, not knowing that Linux had acquired MODULES since we last used it, we jokingly concluded that M must be for "maybe". And we continued, whenever we weren't sure whether we needed an option or not, we just answered maybe!!

Lucky for us, that was the right thing to do. But I thought it was a funny "user error" at any rate. Probalby a bit off topic here though.

Call to smtpsend...

[Phydoux]

Two jobs ago, an error message from the product I worked on that had a customer baffled was the following:

"Call to smtpsend returned something other than zero."

I had a really hard time explaining how that error message made it into the code, let alone begin to diagnose the problem.

Needless to say, I immediately changed the error message to actually say what smtpsend had returned!

Error button of doom:

[Anonymous Coward]

Instead of "OK" or "Cancel" at a fatal error, a piece of gov't software I use simply pops up a window whose title is the error name ("Can't open file") and whose button says, simply:

bummer.

GNU Screen Program

[Anonymous Coward]

The gnu SCREEN Program has a very interesting error message when it crashes:

"Suddenly the Dungeon collapses!! - You die..."

Strange, but true.

Re:GNU Screen Program

[wheany]

In case you don't understand the reference, it's from Nethack. Nethack says that when it crashes...

BIOS Error messages

[Anonymous Coward]

My favorite BIOS error message is:

"Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue."

My boss...

[cr0sh]

He showed me an error he got when he was upgrading a reporting package on an NT server - the error message came back as a standard Windows modal dialog box that said "Error", and an OK button. No error number, no extra text, didn't even have a proper caption - just the word "Error".

Needless to say, he was pissed, and I was laughing...

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[tdelaney]

No - what should happen is something like ...

An unexpected error has occurred. The details of the error have been recorded in the log file:

Log file name

Please email the above file to devteam@company.invalid.

Your currently-opened files have been saved as the files:

Filename 1
Filename 2

[Application name] will now quit.

and then quit as gracefully as possible.

This does a couple of things:

1. It saves the state in a logfile.

2. It tells the user what is going on, without confusing them.

3. It allows the user the option of opening the logfile and seeing what info they will be sending the developer.

4. It allows the user to recover their work (hopefully - not always possible).

My favorite minicomputer errors

[Isao]

Ok, so I've been waiting 15 years to post this somewhere.

The first one was a Primos error on a PR1ME 750, when making an improper exit from a Primos shell script recursion or nesting level:

Error in crawlout from inner ring 3.

The second requires some explanation.

At a local junior college there was a Vax 11/750, and the $SCRATCH disk was of course world-writable. Problem is, it was also used for system swap space. Vaxen are remarkably robust, and VMS was touted to us as such (I later came to fall in love with VMS), so I came up with the bright idea of creating a program that would consume as much physical memory as possible (much more than the 8MB RAM this machine had). The accounts were limited to what resources a process could consume, so I ran the program four-deep (SPAWN/NOWAIT) on 16 terminals at the same time.

The system slowed, then stopped responding to us. My cohorts and myself ran into the machine room to examine the console, and hopefully to stop the processes. The console had printed

System paging space low, system continuing.

We tried a console interrupt, but there was no immediate response. We figured it would have to swap something in to service us, so we waited (the system disk access light was OUT, indicating heavy I/O thrashing).

After about 10 minutes, the console printed another message:

System paging space critical, system trying to continue.

That was the last message until we hit the power.

Re:My favorite minicomputer errors

[Malcolm MacArthur]

After about 10 minutes, the console printed another message:

System paging space critical, system trying to continue.

That was the last message until we hit the power.

Ah, good old %SYSTEM-F-PAGECRIT. Pray you never see it, if you run a VMS system (I haven't, but then we have 5.5 GB of memory :)

-M.

Favorite dying machine...

[cr0sh]

My favorite machine erroring and dying has to be an Amiga - aside from the standard "Guru meditation error", Amigas die spectacularly when faced with a non-AmigaDOS program running. Typically, when such a program dies (I would suspect a buffer overflow from what happens), rather than an error, you get a sound and light show. Because of the way the custom sound and video processors are tied into the system, such an error gives snow, funky sound, etc until the system either freezes or (rarely) reboots.

From an old old mainframe program...

[Anonymous Coward]

As a college student, we used old character based file editors to do things. They allowed us to write primitive (by today's standards) macros with variables. I think the product was called Fang.

Someone tried to use a variable name that was four letters long...started with an F...ended with a K...I think we all know the word.

And Fang gave the following error message when we tried to run the macro at the line with the foul word. Again, doing this all by memory...

"Yes, Fang knows these words also and you will not be allowed to use them in the program."

All further references to the variable were undefined.

I kind of liked this one

[loupgarou21]

panic (cpu0): unable to find driver for this platform panic: We are hanging here...

HP NMI message

[CoolHandLucifer]

Years ago I got this message on an HP data acquisition system.

Non-Maskable Interrupt Detected. Disable [Y|N]?

The strange part is that pressing Y disabled the NMI. The hardware guys got their way on the schematic but the software guys got the last word - or got stuck with a very ugly bug fix.

Windows XP fun

[ghettostyle]

I have not seen this with my own eyes, but I do tech support for a mid size ISP and have spoken to about 4 or 5 DSL customers with this error. When they press the "repair" button in order to aquire a new lease and IP from our DHCP server, it succesfully assigns the IP address, then happily reports: "Repair completed successfully. Please contact the systems administrator if problems persist." =) | | I was nearly in tears reading these comments. I especially like the one I've seen many times "Error: No Error"

Windows 2000 error

[Knightfall]

And I quote

"Can not move the file, the file exists."

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[ShawnD]

I liked the errors (apparently from an Apollo compiler) at http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/moriacc .html.

Favorites include:

• Warning: parser bug confuses : and ; and | at times
• you're going to hell for this code style
• You learned to program in FORTRAN didn't you?
• parse error: I just don't get it
• linker attempting to 'duck tape' this 'gerbil' of a program
• echo > /dev/console 'mail richie@belcore.com echo "Idiot coding c"'

Re:make: stop. don't know how to make love!

[Kragg]

I always liked:

%man arse

no manual entry for arse

Strange error

[Johnny O]

"Starting Windows 98..."

trs-80 level 1 basic

[TheGratefulNet]

back in the old TRS-80 model 1 (level 1 basic), there were ONLY THREE errors. wow. how generous.

they were:

• "how?"
  goto and gosub line numbers that didn't exist

• "what?"
  syntax errors and things like that.

• "sorry"
  divide by zero, overflows, general errors like that.

C64 get lost

[Virtex]

If you type GET LOST on a Commodore 64, it will respond with ILLEGAL DIRECT,

Re:Read BSOD

[cscx]

How would ones microsoft friends feel on that?

Personally, I don't think they'd give a shit as you stated it didn't work. That being said, I think they'd ask you why that mission critical server was not in a redundant load-balanced cluster/farm.

Practical joke..

[Anonvmous Coward]

I played a joke on my company a few years ago. I screen capped and altered an error message to say "The radiation shielding on your monitor has failed, please do not sit directly in front of your monitor."

I placed this image in the middleof a copy of a page from our website, then sent a company-wide email exlaining the new update they needed to see. After a few people asked me about the error message (also asking me to order new monitors...), I copied a CNN health page and gave it a few minor alterations. I wrote a fake explanation of a new virus going around called the "Microwave Virus" that overloaded the UV guns in your monitor. This exposure can cause people to feel tired, irritable, and a few other normal things you feel while you're at work. I then renamed my computer to 'www.cnn-news.com' and posted the page using MS Personal Web Server. I sent out a 'Sysadmin Virus Warning' and went to lunch.

When I got back from lunch, a group of my coworkers were trying to figure out if they should go home or if they should see their doctors first. Heh.

They weren't so stunned that I faked the message, but rather that I had faked CNN's site so well. Pity they missed the typo in the error message.

Re:Practical joke..

[drinkypoo]

Radiation is/was an INIT/APPL pair for MacOS 7 (And similar) systems which would generate error dialogs on various systems via appletalk.

Just install the init on their system, run the application, choose a machine from the list, and send them bogus messages.

The name comes from the default message, which was (I hope I get this right) "The radiation shield on your monitor has failed. Please sit back 5 feet." If that's not it, I'm at least very close.

Re:Practical joke..

[Anonvmous Coward]

D'oh! THat reminds me, I forgot to credit Scott Addams (Creator of Dilbert) for that one. I was inspired to do that joke from his book 'The Joy of Work'. I think one of the people wrote in and described something like you just said.

Poop, I was gonna mention that and forgot. The only thing I did new with that joke was embellished it with the CNN health page spoof. Heh.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[ReverendRyan]

I was programming back in the Good 'ol Days, and one of those ACTUALLY HAPPENED! I was programming in QBX under PC-DOS 7.0, and nothing was working right... so i suck in a statement similar to the following, and it executed!:

if 1=2 then print "OOPS!"

Needless to say, I didnt go back to programming for the rest of the day...

Re:Network not found when logged in over the netwo

[Anonymous Freak]

Yeah, yeah... My lame attempt at security. I know that the hostname by itself won't reveal anything actually security related, but didn't want to reveal TOO much.

Dev C++ errors

[SirCrashALot]

One I got quite often was
Too many errors!!! Bailing out.
Another which I need to find screenshots of is just about 50 - 100 characters(it varied) or something in a different language / characterset. At 3:00 AM it very distressing to see both errors at once!!

Jason

Re:Dev C++ errors

[Anonymous Coward]

That isn't a Dev C++ error, it's a GCC error. Dev C++ after all is just a front end to MingW or Cygwin.

Low Revenue Alarm

[Animats]

I once put a message "Low Revenue Alarm" in a system for a commercial time-sharing service bureau, back when CPU time cost real money. When billed revenue per unit time fell below a reasonable value for a few seconds, but there was work queued to be done, this message came up. Usually, it indicated some kind of resource deadlock, although it would also come up when the operators fell behind on tape mounting. The operators hated it; the CEO loved it.

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[MattCohn.com]

REALY now? You havn't heard about the Dogcow?

Like any talented dog, it can do flips. Like any talented cow, it can do precision bitmap alignment.

My FAVORATE quote, ever.

My favorite SunOS error

[rstewart]

My favorite old SunOs error message was a kernel panic with the message

Error Free Freeing Free Frags

Favorite Win32 error...

[ZxCv]

...happened when I was trying to free some space on a small drive being used on a NT4 machine.

Upon selecting the desired files and hitting Delete, I received the following error:

Cannot delete XXXXXXX: Not enough free space.

Mysql

[Anonymous Coward]

MySQL has a cute one:

error 'unexpected success or fatal error' on query 'SQL STATEMENT'

On Solaris (I believe)

[Gudlyf]

FREEING FREE FRAG

Not really an "error", but still sounds strange.

NVRAM insanity error

[jimfrost]

My favorite error message came out of an AT&T 3b2 running SysV.2 or maybe V.3. We were trying to break into it because the root password had been forgotten and unfortunately you needed a hardware password to boot it single user ... and of course someone had changed that from the default and nobody knew it, either. We got the bright idea of disconnecting the battery to reset the machine to hardware defaults.

The next reboot gave us "NVRAM insanity error." Quite descriptive. :-)

XP can be really helpful...

[codesmith.ca]

I work at a small system repair facility. We got this screen cap from a customer.

I didn't want to know....

Another Infamous MS Error Message

[Anonymous Coward]

When working(?) in Microsoft FoxPro v2.6 (actually, when demoing something to a class I was teaching), I was confronted with "Fatal Error 462 while attempting to report Fatal Error 462".

There's a reason I'm not a DBA, and that's probably it right there.

Best error of all time...

[Bigbambo]

BAD MAGIC

oo no! its voodoo!

A few classic error messages

[herbierobinson]

For starters, there was the original PDP 11 C compiler. It only had three error messages:

Syntax Error.
Undefined Symbol.
Register Lockup.

But the real classic came from the Honeywell Level 6:

"Not enough memory to log off."

A hint to all you coders out there: Allocate any message buffer you will need to logout/disconnect/close at login/connect/open time (this rule is especially applicatble to streams drivers).

I second that!

[hyyx]

I got one of those also... it still bugs me to this day. This was upon bootup:

The dump

An unexpected error occurred,

[drwiii]

because an error of type 84 occurred.

Favorite errors

[demi]

My favorite MacOS error was:

The application "Unknown" has unexpectedly quit because an error of type 1 occurred.

However, my favorite all-time error message was one coded by a coworker:

Error-0: Something happen. Maybe at time %i.

We still talk about that one.

funny / weird messages

[MegaFur]

One time I mounted a floppy disk that had some problems under Linux. I know it had problems because when mount mounted it, it said it was mounting it read-only because there were errors detected in the filesystem. I copied some data off it, then unmounted it. When I unmounted it, I got a message that said, "Attempting to write to a read-only filesystem. uhh..."
I don't know why something was attempting to write to the disk on umount.

I think one of my favorite messages was the message that, that old Apple ][e printing program (what the hell was it called? Printshop? I can't remember) would display when it was calculating what commands to send to the printer next. It would flash the word `THINKING' on the screen in a huge font and alternate the "colors". (It wasn't actually a color monitor--it was monochrome but it had the capacity for bright text as well.)

And let's not forget the error message Haikus (sp?) that people were playing with before. I really liked some of those. I think that some real programs (for programmers, not regular users) should try error messages delivered as Haiku. It would be neat. The point would be to have more than one Haiku for the same thing; then always follow that with the no-nonsense error message down below the Haiku. The Haiku would be like a little treat to offset all the compiler errors. Sort of like a quote of the day.

Now back to Linux. Quite a long time ago, I foolishly tried to run X Windows on a 486 with only 16MB. It didn't exactly crash, it just kept the hard drive going non-stop. Even when I didn't move the mouse for over a minute. When I would go to shutdown X Windows, over in the console where I had typed startx&, there'd be a status message like this:
Sending server the TERM signal,
waiting for server to shutdown...
Sometimes, that's all there'd be. But because this machine had only 16MB and the hard drive was thrasing so much from running X, everything was drastically slowed down. Sometimes, after about 30 sec-1 min, I'd see:
Server too slow to shutdown
Sending server the KILL signal,
waiting for server to die...

In plain vanilla MS-DOS, if DOS fails to read from a floppy disk in a certain special way, what can happen is this:
C:\>dir a:
[the disk churns and time passes...]
[some more time passes]
Volume in drive A is unlabled
[again time passes]
[still more time passes]
Fail on INT 24

C:\>

If you're stupid or unlucky enough to be in a situation where you have to make a batch file for COMMAND.COM, then all the error messages are cryptic. Because, as the script executes, there's no indication of what line caused the error message (unless you do an echo on and there are certain situations where that won't help. All you see is stuff like:
Bad command or filename
Syntax error
File not found
all the way down the screen.

Oh yeah, and then there's INTERCAL, where the compiler error messages are actually intended to be not understandable.

Actually, the message ?Syntax error was really cryptic the first time I saw it, since I had no idea what the hell `s-Y-n-tax' was. (I was 12.) In general, every (status or error) message a computer gives you is cryptic without context. Ironic since computers can't really understand context, eh?

Kernel32.dll

[Lothsahn]

Kernel32.dll is using too many system resources and must be terminated...

It couldn't be MORE accurate!

Generic Error Message

[Com2Kid]

Once when installing Windows98 I got a "Generic Error Message";

That is about it for oddities. . . .

INACCESSABLE_BOOT_VOLUME

[ReverendRyan]

I got a stop error on my Windows 2000 box (on boot) after installing a DVD drive:

INACCESSABLE_BOOT_VOLUME
If this is the first time you've seen this error, reboot. Otherwise, run chkdisk and check your computer for viruses.

How I was supposed to run chkdisk / Norton Antivirus, I know not.

Elvis?

[Synistyr]

We had error in one of our old pseudo-inhouse apps. You'd be puttering along, then all of a sudden you'd get a message:

"Elvis has left the building" then the app would exit.

Of course no one could find this tiny chunk of code where this error occurred.

Another on Linux

[coolfrood]

Don't know if this still happens or not, but there used to this message if you delete a userid from /etc/passwd when that user is still logged in.

"You do not exist. Go away!"

Re:Another on Linux

[belg4mit]

I've seen this error on some boxen when
attempting to give the three finger salute
without being logged in.

And a new one to add.

[Anonymous Coward]

In Mandrake 9.0 using the new urpmi gui called rpmdrake if one of the apps you chose to install is already on the box. (or it thinks it is.) you get the error.

Everything already installed (Is this supposed to happen?)

No matter how many times I tell my computer No it still keeps doing it. Reminds me of my 2 year old.

Danger, Danger, Will Robinson!

[sjanich]

I got a call from I place I used to work, about a year after I left.

An enginnering information management program on VMS had delivered the error message "Danger, Danger, Will Robinson". The wanted to know if I could help them figure out where it came from.

Sadly, I new that a young programmer (me) was prone to that type of humor).

I had them pull the code.

The comment I had before the message was: "This case can never occur".

Gnarly Error Messages

[lizzardo]

"The exception 'unknown exception' has been reacehed. lizzardo

Hitchiker's Guide Reference

[Threed]

The green alien sticking out its tonge and wiggling its fingers with its thumbs in its ears appears on the cover of some (most? all?) printings of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. One of the primary lessons of the Guide is "DON'T PANIC", an appropriate message for a recoverable large disk controller error.

Re:Hitchiker's Guide Reference

[decaying]

That horrid green thing was only on the US editions (IIRC).... because the publishers thought the series needed something similar on the cover because the names of the books didn't indicate they were in the same series....

4in1 Setup Mode Option

[Anonymous Coward]

Via 4 IN 1 Driver

Click to enable Normally in Quickly Install

() Normally Install
() Quickly Install

-----
[Not really an error message, but about as informative. I've learned to not trust their software department)

qmail errors

[prockcore]

if qmail-send can't talk with qmail-spawn (or a few other processes) it simply quits with the error:

cannot start: hath the daemon spawn no fire?

We've banned the usage of qmail because of it. Any software package that prints out unhelpful errors like that doesn't belong on our servers.

Re:Engrish!

[Skuld-Chan]

I remember a job I had a long time ago where a co-worker was trying to decipher similar messages on a NEC telephone switch. They (nec) have since gotten a lot better since then, but I got the impression that the program was really only have translated properly. Either that or the original program was written in engrish and that was that.

Wouldn't suprise me - I mean the only way to log into it was using a 300 baud modem/terminal (I kid you not - you could not make it go any faster) - the thing reaked of not being complete.

IIRC..

[sjwt]

I rember someone saying that the
error message they most rember from there
years of useing *inx was was
'Error, an error that shouldnt of happend has'

or somethign like that..
this was posted in a theard on hear oh.. ages ago :)

Alpha5 and xBASIC

[oddRaisin]

There used to be a database product called Alpha 5, which incorporated a programming language called xBASIC. One of its features was being able to interact with the database as well as sending data to Windows services (for printing, saving files, etc).

When it ran into problems with external components, it would always return the following error:

"xBASIC Error: No error at line X", where X was the external system call.

Re:I didn't make this up since I can't do ascii ar

[Skuld-Chan]

I get a similar error (same hhgttg gfx) if I load my old sparcstation 10 out to much (like compiling a kernel - 2.4.17). It seems to do firewalling just fine otherwise.

Guru Meditation Number xxxxxxxxx

[Anonymous Coward]

Anyone remembers the Amiga's flashing red "Guru Meditation Number"?

- Anonycous Moward

Re:Guru Meditation Number xxxxxxxxx

[Anonymous Coward]

No, of course not. That was only experienced by you, while you were practicing to be a moderator by smoking crack.

One from the great MSVC++

[Pyrometer]

I was happily debugging across the abhorrently slow NFS/VOB Server wonder, when Visual C++ had this amusing error come up to stop my debug session ..

"Encounted an unknown error in an unknown file"

Well shit now I know what I did and how to stop it from happening again :)

My fav

[pugman]

'You can't get there from there', from OpenText's LiveLink

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[Anonymous Coward]

1989.

> My FAVORATE quote, ever.

YUO IS TEH ID0IT !!!11!!

For those who don't know Apollo

[drinkypoo]

They made Motorola 68k-based (I had some with 68020s) Unix workstations (which ran DomainOS) which are the source of UNC paths, except they used forward slashes like sane people; //machinename/usr/src or what have you. The machines I'm familiar with (DN4000) are ISA-bus and basically look like full AT desktop PCs.

Your password must be at least 18770 characters...

[JamaicanMeCrazy]

Microsoft provides a real treasure trove of great error messages...here's my personal favorite:
"Error Message: Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords"

http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=K B; EN-US;Q276304&

GURU MEDITATION

[Jace of Fuse!]

GURU MEDITATION Software Failure

Error#8001 000C

Dev-C++

[TheDanish]

In my Senior year at my high school, we had a "wall of shame" of Dev-C++ error messages (our high school had all Win98 machines, and Visual Studio hadn't been upgraded since VS4, so some of the simplified things in Dev-C++ were handy). I wish I could post them all here... they were great.

Error in E:\APCS\Chapter_8\lalalalalalalalalalalalalala...

I swear it said that. I have no idea where that came from, either. I wish I could have saved all those error messages, though. Ah, well, there are always the memories...

Sense of humor

[drinkypoo]

Geeks used to be allowed to express their sense of humor. Now we are informed that humor is the leading cause of lawsuits against these companies.

Installing SAGE Idrix on their cute little 68000-based machine (I think it had 16mb ram! cute little machine) produced a message about how you ought to go get a cup of coffee because "this will take a while..." etc. Those pesky cartridge tapes were slowowwwwwww.

I wonder how much work it would be to design and build a 68020-based computer with a PCI bus.

messages

[Drath]

Once I recieved a message that stated that all my bases were belong to them and I should make my time.

Seen after many a BSOD

[BoneFlower]

Probably not verbatim, as I haven't seen a BSOD since I started running XP, but here it is:

"Windows was not shut down properly so Scandisk is running to check the hard disk for errors. To avoid this happening in the future, always shut down windows properly"

Gee thanks! Maybe next time you will LET ME SHUT DOWN WINDOWS PROPERLY!

catastrophe?

[sheister]

I used to write DLLs to interface with Access from outside apps (worst job EVER). Most of the code was in Visual Basic (worst language EVER). VB once said

CATASTROPHIC FAILURE!

and locked the machine up. The problem was something simple, like trying to access a non-existent field from a recordset, but apparently VB couldn't handle it.

When will they ever learn?

[Guppy06]

"We are experiencing MVS processor spin loops, the programs are running while holding a disabled CPU. This is causing XCF communication delays to the point where we are losing VTAM RTP routing, are suffering OSPF adjacency failures on TCP/IP dynamic routing and MIM VCF failures. Whatever this code is, it should NOT be propagated to production or we run the risk of losing the development plex if XCF signaling is adversely impacted by processor disabled spin loops"

When will sysadmins ever learn to keep their anti-virus software up to date, lest they become the victims of the Good Times virus like these poor souls?

Crystal Reports

[NumberGod]

I've got an error pinned to the wall of my cube.

It's just an empty dialog, with the title "Error", and an Ok button.

Not a single word of text in it.

Needless to say, it's a little hard to fix. :-)

This Erroneous Life -- A bit-smasher remembers...

[oldCoder]

The Burroughs 1714 small business system, circa 1975:

There is an incongruency between your intent and mine...

The console on this box took only 2-letter commands, I knew them all. Trying to demonstrate an "Unknown input" error message to a novice, I typed "shit". The system halted so I rebooted and retried. Same result. 3 days later tech support informed me of an undocumented command "Set Halts (i.e. SH). By the way, I've always used the same command to test the unknown input scenario on all systems ever since then and have not run into trouble. Some committee should designate a word for this purpose, to avoid launching consequences when you're only trying to test. Otherwise, I've discovered a solid reason to have taboo words in a digital society. (Word police -- take note!).

Donald Knuth (think mathematics, here) is reputed to have this message on his office door:

I am sorry, due to faulty induction, the number you have reached is temporarily out of service, please try again at another time.

I once wrote a batch input report program with error messages for data entry clerks. I put out the simple text "Invalid Account". A new clerk ran up the next day and asked "How did the Account get sick?". Emphasis on the first syllable (invalid) had confused her. I didn't have the character space to expand the text, so I substituted "No such Account" in the same letter count and saved both our jobs.

I forget which system, but I truly did recieve a message "Wrong error". The workaround was to make a different error which re-synched the parser.

At one point some IBM mainframes had a message code "IBMBEER". Must have been been a misspelling of IBMBERR, whatever that meant.

For internal program usage, a lot of programmers use 0 as a success code and -1 for error. Thinking hex, I came up with a better error code, can you?

That makes sense

[FJ]

The sad thing is that the error he is reporting makes sense to me, as is his panic if this happens in production.

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[g4dget]

Changing a bunch of configuration settings in a GUI should not be something that's unrecoverable through normal, documented means.

PC Load Letter

[Anonymous Coward]

What the fuck does that mean?!

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[Anonymous Coward]

my qbasic is a bit fuzzy but...

perl -e '$i=1;$j=2;if ($i=$j){print "user is idiot"}' :)

was = really used as a test?

Screen Error

[Anonymous Coward]

"Suddenly the dungeon collapses! You die."

Odd stuff

[Mikey-San]

I keep an archive of the odd and sometimes funny stuff I see on different Macs.

http://www.mikey-san.net/mirth/mirth.strangeness .h tml

Some odd, sometimes nonsensical, error messages, and some other miscellaneous stuff. A favourite of mine is an error [http://www.mikey-san.net/mirth/strangeness/point_ seven.jpg] that informs you of a non-existent version of the Mac OS.

-/-
Mikey-San

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[Yottabyte84]

Didn't seem to do anything.

You ment the network name, right?

The famous Lightwave 3D Error

[Kheldar99]

Error: Operation completed sucessfully

printer error

[Mobutu]

While trying to get my printer working, you know, installing lpd and gs from source I've got a page with just one line printed on the top line:

Warning: printer device not found.

Said What?

[E-Rock-23]

Error 420: User is unable to comprehed first half of paragraph, as user is not quite that geeky. Please use English.

Error 336: This space reserved for future errors.

Back in high school

[dxkelly]

I believe it was an old apple. I ran a program and got the message.
Out of paper error in line 40.
(No the program had nothing to do with a printer)

Then there was the time I wrote a c program at the university that crashed the compiler.

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[sql*kitten]

Go to Control Panel, Administrative Tools, and disable all services.

An easier way to screw up any NT kernel based OS is to set its pagefile smaller than 2M. It'll still run, but it won't be a happy bunny...

You dun f.cked up Skids

[Anonymous Coward]

An online quiz game for a major media company (mice, ducks, goofy dogs) contained the very rare error message, "You dun fucked up Skids." We got several calls and emails about that one.

Not an error message but related to profanity. The same company uses a dirty word filter to help prevent common profanity from finding its way into things like high scores lists, etc. A clueless developer included the list in an online app and would on occasion dump the entire contents of the rather rank list to the browser window...lots of fun

Rise Of The Triad

[DarKrow]

Using cheat codes in the commercial version of Rise Of The Triad can take you to a level called "This Causes An Error"

The level contains a moving wall which exits the bounds of the level - and crashes the game.

However, before you're dumped to DOS - a drawing of a wall leaving a level (and smiling) with the crudely written caption "I'm Free!" appears!

Neat!

Errors to frighten children.

[freddled]

We had a prototype system which lasted 15 years, you know the type - which was backed up every lunchtime by an operator who was usually the least experienced person on the production line ~16 or 17 years old. Occasionally the restart would fail because it couldn't find a node on the network. Not a big deal, a retry usually did the trick, but the error message was 'CATASTROPHIC error: A CATASTROPHIC error has occured.'

Hot Pants

[serutan]

It wasn't exactly an error, but a friend of mine inherited a Mac in her office that every so often would yell out, "Hot Pants!" in James Brown's voice. She never figured out what it was trying to tell her.

Maybe the routers *do* have feelings?

[Anonymous Coward]

This was pointed out in some training that I took recently...

Router(config-if)#ip rsvp bandwidth 1000000

RSVP bandwidth (which is the bandwidth for the IP
headers and data inside them, but not the required
link layer headers) exceeds 75% of interface bandwidth.
It may be that you need to enter the 'bandwidth'
command to correct the system's understanding of the
available bandwidth. If that's not the case, then:
Due to bit-stuffing, layer 2 headers and layer 1
framing, and the need for routing and keep-alive
traffic, not to mention the RSVP messages themselves,
this is just plain too high. Configure your interface
realistically for the bandwidth available.

Talk about getting lit up by the router! Jeez!! ;-)

This was fun.

[Sepsis]

Check this out. I made an error message that said "Mouse driver failure, please click to continue." Printscreened it, and set it as my desktop wallpaper. It took my brother 20 minutes to figure that one out. Booya!

One more from Dev-C++ and then I'm going to sleep.

[TheDanish]

[General error] Too many error messages; abort.
There must be something terribly wrong with your code. Please fix it.

an old error message

[Anonymous Coward]

I remember this from one of those "best error messages" text files from way back when.

The error was "Out of Paper error on drive D"

The author said it was generated when he was trying to write to a WORM drive that was lagging badly, and using the wrong drivers. Apparently that's the best the driver could do to say "buffer overrun"?

Re:SGI faulty hardware

[fantomas]

yup, it turned out that the hard drive had died in some very sick manner. 3 months later, the replacement did as well - turns out SGI UK had a bad batch, oh great. Interesting to hear about the SGI jokes though because I really think it said 'Don't Panic' rather than 'Double Panic'. Of course I could be wrong but being pretty into Hitchhikers GTTG , that was one of the things which freaked me out the most. A kind of 'Oh no reality and fiction are starting to bleed into each other ' kinda ting.

Cheers for your explanation...

You'd need one BIG recycle bin...

[Andy Smith]

The default Win95 install included a desktop icon for "The Internet" which was just a shortcut to MSIE if I remember correctly. If you dragged it to the recycle bin you got the message: "Are you sure you want to delete The Internet?"

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[Bud]

Heh, the first BeBox had dual CPUs, and a common demo was to run some processor-intensive task, open the CPU load monitor application and disable one processor. It was actually quite impressive, seeing the system moving processes from one processor to another...

And then, you could of course disable both processors... instant freeze!

--Bud

Older error messages

[holle2]

I encountered nice error messages back in the old days where dos still used to be black and white ....

This one was from (if I remember correctly) Windows 3.11:

Unexpected Error <some number>

Aren't errors always somewhat unexpected ?

And this one from Novell Netware (oh do not ask for the version, please):

Extended Error 23

So we do have:
-errors
-extended errors
Will we also get:
-errors 95
-errors 98
-errors ME
-errors 2000
-errors XP
soon ?

WinAmp

[inkswamp]

I was installing Winamp on a Windows machine and decided to cancel it midway through, and got an error along the lines of "Are you sure you want to cancel installing this software? Doing so may require you to reinstall later."

Uh-huh.

Obscure

[cruachan]

Back in the mid 80's I did some coding on early Macs using Borland Pascal for Mac. From time to time it would throw up the helpful compilation message

"Syntax error in code"

No clue was given as to where the error was. On a 10,000 line program this could be frustrating!

Compiling umoria on an Apollo

[Anonymous Coward]

From: ianb@ocf.berkeley.edu (Ian Barkley)
Subject:Compiler says 'Ack'
Date: 23 Feb 92 09:30:04 GMT

ABSOLUTELY UNCHANGED COMPILER RESPONSES
(from a make of umoria 5.4 on an Apollo...)

[monsoon:umoria] 19} make
cc -O -c main.c
Compiler Errors
99 divide by 0 error: can't find source
033 linker attempting to 'duck tape' this 'gerbil' of a program ...

more

Re:make: stop. don't know how to make love!

[Anonymous Coward]

The translation was something like, "Unto the son is born a brother".

The actual message was "Hodie natus est radici frater" ("Unto the root is born a brother"), and Multics printed it if it ever determined that it had two root volumes (which was a double-plus-ungood thing.)

More info is available all over the Internet.

Windows was not shut down properly text location?

[Anonymous Coward]

Speaking of errors does anyone know where this text or graphic is located? I've seached and seached for it. I MUST EDIT THIS TEXT.
It's hidden really really well. I've searched every single file in Windows looking for it and as yet have never found it.

I want to change it to Windows crashed yet again please wait while we waste even more of your time...

Someone reset the scsi bus

[walkingCrash]

got this when screwing around on an old linux system, and I pulled the cable out of a tapedrive while the system was still live.

"Someone reset the scsi bus"

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[DJPenguin]

I had the exact same thing when I started to program in C. I nearly went insane... I think I was doing something like

if (value = 1) then ...

and it was always TRUE for any value. Until I remebered about having to use "==" instead of "=" !

Took me a while to realise that the actual "operation" of assigning 1 to value was always succesful and that I wasn't doing a comparison at all. Grrr. :)

Even Linux got scared

[Huw]

This happened a few years ago now, before anybody even had the faintest notion of making Linux easy to install. I was manually partitioning a drive for Slackware, and, for some strange reason, it allowed me to enter a negative partition size. A stream of errors went flowing past before the message appeared on the screen:

"Don't look at me, but something went wrong there. In just a moment, I'm going to continue. Try not to look."

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[ajv]

Setting all your services to disabled is directly equivalent to chkconfig --disable'ing each "service" in Deadrat... and then wondering why your system doesn't go multi-user.

At least it's possible to recover from both using command line tools on each OS.

Andrew

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[ajv]

XP allows you to survive without a pagefile.

Andrew

"You don't exist. Go away." (nt)

[Anonymous Coward]

(nt)

All BIOSs have support for mice!

[chrisseaton]

All BIOSs have support for mice, you can use int 33h to get the mouse's position, show hide a cursor and various other basic things.

Re:All BIOSs have support for mice!

[doug363]

Int 33h is the DOS mouse driver interface. BIOS interrupts are int numbers < 20h. The standard PC BIOS doesn't have a mouse driver interface to my knowledge.

Incorrect password. The correct password is asdfg.

[sopuli]

The joys of moving debugging code to production.

Weird error messages

[The Moving Shadow]

I remember those old Sierra-On-Line error messages: "OOPS! You did something we didn't think of" and then some advice to restore your last saved game. And there were those creative people from Origin that made my Wing Commander game crash sometimes with the enigmatical message: "Error: Forgot to salt the fries..." I never figured out what that meant.

Re:Read BSOD

[celery stalk]

I used to work at a Gateway Country store, and in the small office corner of the store they had a server on display running Win2K server something. You could, and we frequently did, easily pop out the hot-swap SCSI drive from it, without it crashing.

Not gnarly, but still interesting

[Build6]

BeOS' default browser, NetPositive, would give error messages in haikus (Japanese poetry-form):

The code was willing
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak

http://www.beosbible.com/toc.html
http://www.ac m.wpi.edu/mirror/acmTshirt_code_haiku s/images/haiku_back_72dpi.jpg

another example of how much more class they had than the current gang, and what a loss their demise was.

MS Excel

[Anonymous Coward]

This one takes some beating - nice to see that Excel gets frustrated sometimes too!

Starting Windows.....

[SphynxSR]

That is my favor error message. I get it everyday at work.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[joto]

No, you don't. That would mean you would quickly spend a lot of time on writing boilerplate code for error-situations instead of being productive. The error can easily be found later with a debugger.

Of course, the assert() macro in C is a good alternative. Simply writing assert(0) will give you the filename and line-number, unless you deliver applications without runtime checking. Of course, writing a NEVER_EXCUTED macro isn't that hard, so that would be an even better alternative. But both assert() and NEVER_EXECUTED leads to excessive bloat, and the debugger solution might be better after all...

Another quite popular alternative, is to put a unique insult to the user in each error-message. This is quite popular. E.g. die("you son of a bitch"), die("you moron"), die("you filthy fever-ridden faggot"), and so on... Since the error messages are not supposed to be seen by the user, this is in theory ok. Just don't tell the boss it was you when they one day complain...

Illegal error

[feenberg]

I like the message I got from VM 370 many years ago:

Illegal Error: Device returned illegal error code.

Translation is "You bought a third party compatible disk drive and it returned an error code to the OS that wasn't defined".

Even more unexplained,

[Anonymous Coward]

"Note that the number of required characters changes from 17,145 to 18,770 with the installation of SP1."
Hmm, Er,

Re:Windows was not shut down properly text locatio

[Anonymous Coward]

Sorry, i think it's embedded in an executable. Probably scandisk.exe.

You don't exist

[xmda]

A friend of mine got this error message:

"You don't exist.Go away!"

A picture can be found here:

http://mathias.dahl.net/dat/gfx/jpg/hemsida/you_ do _not_exist.jpg

Re:YOU DON'T EXIST

[borgheron]

"Intruder alert" running "whoami" on an old OPENSTEP4.2/Mach (Mac OS X predecessor) box when a users information fails to get registered in wtmp. :)

GJC

Re:You don't exist

[i_am_nitrogen]

Actually, I recall some version of Mandrake's boot CD having that error any time I tried to run certain programs.

Help desk call...

[floydigus]

user: "Hello, I have a problem with my computer"
me: "What does it say?"
user: "unable to find pointer device"
me: "I think that means there is a problem with the mouse"
user: "Oh my god! It's been stolen"

xp

[Anonymous Coward]

"Fatal Error"
"error occurd trying to display the fatal error window"

Re:xp

[lunaticmaster]

I can vouch for this one. I have seen it before too.

That's not C

[Kalani]

Took me a while to realise that the actual "operation" of assigning 1 to value was always succesful and that I wasn't doing a comparison at all.

The "return value" of an assigment command is the value of the assignment. So (x = 1) is evaluated as 1 (and interpreted by your if statement as true). However, (x = 0) is evaluated as 0 and will be interpreted as false (even though the assigment worked).

Re:How to totally screw up any windoze machine

[anticypher]

try deleting your own MAC address from the machine.

arp -d [your mac addy]

Note to idiots willing to try this:
You will have to completely re-install windows after doing this. You will lose all the data on your hard drives. You will not be able to restore your machine in any other way.

I haven't yet tried this on XP, but I've done demos on 95, 98, nt4 and 2000, and in each time the MCSEs could never recover the system afterwards.

the AC

Some I remember

[Anonymous Coward]

A favourite was Error UE from a Tandy TRS-80. When looked up in the manual this was described as 'Unprintable Error'.
A more recent favoutite from an application I once used was 'Something went wrong(8)'

Anyone remember the BBC micro?

[shades66]

One amusing error I remember was when you typed

RENUMBER 1,0

you would get the plain and simple error message

Silly.

I always found that amusing...

NT profile copy error

[JohnCub]

The oddest error I ever saw was this one

For those not interested in the 15k image, it says:

Error: The operation completed successfully.

Silly Mainframe errors

[dopeydave]

Whilst scheduling a payroll job on an ICL mainframe a couple of years ago I got: JOBSETUP FAILED. PLEASE CONTACT GOD.
Other errors I've seen on it are: ho-hum nothing to do and on the creditors system CREDITORS DISASTER.

after messing around with a libc upgrade on linux.

[Anonymous Coward]

You don't exist, go away!

"Your erroneous pink rabbit has been ignored"

[leonbrooks]

From a Sperry Univac System 80 RPG II compiler, non-reproducible, upon being fed a piece of code by a certain gentleman who is still with us, still writing code that bad.

Same gent wrote an order-N-cubed sort algorithm (on the same machine, still in RPG II) that occasionally lost up to four results - from the top of the list, no less, and for the business's key revenue-raising activity, no less - and when ordered out of that business by a court, his successor replaced the monstrosity with a simple order-N-squared(ish) bubble sort that didn't lose anything and generally worked well. A few months later, however, our ace programmer returned armed with nastier court documents - and put his broken, slow sort back in again...

An interesting error non-message from a DEC CoBOL compiler: you didn't need an INDENTIFICATION DIVISION but if you had one, and it was wrong, the compiler silently deleted your source code. Get the message? (-:

Re:"Your erroneous pink rabbit has been ignored"

[Sir Tristam]

I guess this is where the RPG-II ones go...

I once programmed a report on an B10 AS/400 in System/36 compatibility mode that produced a sales revenue summary. The sales department wanted the figures ordered and sub-totaled one way (Region/Salesman) and the finance department wanted the figures ordred another way (General Ledger Account Number). So this report consisted of one program to gather the summary numbers to a work file, one program to print the work file in Sales Department format, and one program to print in Finance Department format. This was front-ended with a program that would ask for the date range and how many copies of the report were desired in each format.

If you requested 0 copies for Finance and 0 copies for Sales, it would display a message, "So what's the point?" and exit, without running any of the other programs.

Chris Beckenbach

YOU DON'T EXIST

[Anonymous Coward]

Go away.

Linux wtmp related error that happens when things go very wrong :)

Microsoft has the best errors

[Anonymous Coward]

At one point a few years ago, I accidentally pressed the delete key in Outlook Express (I think it was version 4.0). A message popped up, and said something to the effect of "There are no messages to delete here. Would you like Outlook Express to delete to some items for you?"

gnumeric

[alvieboy]

This file is not an 'OLE' file. It may be too old for Gnumeric to read.
Sorry, the management.


I wonder who's the "manager"....

Re:gnumeric

[Jody Goldberg]

That would be me.

jody@gnome.org

Error messages that should NOT go out

[Phemur]

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Our customer support group received a call one day from someone asking to talk to Bob. The cs rep replied that this was Foo Inc's support line, and gave them the head office number. The customer insisted that this was a legitimate problem with the software.

When the cs rep dug a little deeper, the customer said: "I was running your software, and an error message came up that said 'This should never happen. If it does, call Bob' ".

Sure enough, I grepped the code, and Bob had left that error message in an obscure part of the code.

Phemur

Re:Read BSOD

[sg_oneill]

The lack of money that is prevelant in 99% non-lala-imaginary real world small businesses.

Bill Gates the road

[Anonymous Coward]

Try running Bill Gates the Road Ahead CD-ROM on windows XP.

You get the following error
Installation Problem
Sorry, The Road Ahead does not run on Windows NT. Please install on a computer running Windows 3.10 or greater

Re:Read BSOD

[UberGeeb]

Saying this will probably cause people to hunt me down and kill me, but the BSOD in the current windows driver model is actually a windows function. If a driver gets an exception it can't handle, it passes it down the stack. If it reaches the bottom of the stack, BSOD. Doesn't mean anything is actually wrong, just means that the idiot writing the driver didn't properly set up a function table.

Your Screwed because Matt's in New Orleans

[jcrash]

True story - one of our coders put that in during development and forgot to remove it before the release went live.

A few of my favorites...

[ironfroggy]

Error reading current directory: No such file or directory.

Error loading error messege.

"syntax error" in QBasic when I didn't know how to code AT ALL. "What the hell does this mean?" Oh, my younger, stupider days...

silly

[rve]

Heh, 1000 comments so noone is going to read this.

The BBC micro's response to trying to renumber a BASIC source with steps of 0:

Silly.

Re:silly

[Anonymous Coward]

yes we do

Error 500

[carrier lost]

I was porting a VBScript/IIS product to PerlScript/Apache. During the process, I ended up setting up an alternative Server Error (HTTP Error 500) page which Apache would return when my code caused some failure. I put an iterator on the page to spit out all the Server variables at the time of the error. At the top, I wrote a haiku and called the page Error 500 Haiku:

riding the big wave
surfing's not always easy
turn your board around

During testing, I was called to QA quite often because of what became known as "a Haiku".

MjM

I only mod up...

Error ("AIR") Message...

[Puppet Master]

I got a "REDNECK" error message once...
It went something like this:

ERROR: 12 - Variable Not Found
Line Number: 572

Please report the above air message to XYZ Company at (888)999-9999.

Error: you shouldn't see this error

[ablcmx]

This is quite the disconcerting thing to see!

NETIQ ERROR

[danski79]

"The server is unwilling to process the request" That's just great, what IS it willing to process... DANSKI

MS SS installed itself into the recycle bin

[Anonymous Coward]

Not really an error message, but funny as hell anyway. The developer working beside me once tried to delete MS Sourcesafe by simply deleting the install folder. The deleted folder naturally went into the recycle bin. I told him he should uninstall it properly, and the best way to do that was to first re-install it, then uninstall it.

He blindly clicked "OK" during the new install, and afterwards found out it had in fact searched his drive and installed itself over the previous copy - in the recycle bin.

We laughed so hard we started crying.

Star Wars error message

[Anonymous Coward]

"This is not the page you are looking for."

Yet-Another-Amiga-Tie-In

[Anonymous Coward]

Not quite an error in this case, but there was a popular Amiga executable-compression utility that would do this on purpose.

See, the 'beauty' of the Amiga was that it hung a 7MHz CPU off a 14MHz bus, or something thereabouts; the custom chips got to run 'for free' off the same memory pool, known as 'chip RAM.' Now, the graphics chips composed the 'copper,' which could do some processing of its own, reading and writing from video memory.

So... to speed the decompression routine, the coder took advantage of the copper as well as the main CPU. Made for a nice multicolored static show before your application launched- and a fairly quick one, too.

Most generic error message

[k2r]

I remember having to use some sort of academic IDE while studying CS >10 years ago. It was named Ophelia or so.

If I recall it correctly, it only had one error message, a dialogue saying:

"Something's wrong."

It even had a not-yet-implemented help-button, that read "no help".
If you pressed "no help" you got a dialogue saying:

"No help."

k2r

EVIL DO LOOP

[anorlunda]

EVIL DO LOOP
is my favorite.

ERROR 0, POWER NOT ON
is my 2nd favorite.

Sendmail

[embeesh]

"Error - not a typewriter"

Story of my life

[Henry Stern]

henry@triscuit:~$ fuck
bash: ./fuck: Permission denied

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[Idarubicin]

The latest versions of Windows are supposed to be exclusively GUIs. You should be able to do anything and everything to adjust configurations without leaving the Windows environment. (Whether MS actually accomplishes this is another matter, but still...)

Quite frankly, if people are going to be investigating (and changing) settings under Administrative Tools inside the Control Panel then they should realize that their actions might have consequences. (I'm stretching the analogy a bit, but do we say computer hardware is badly designed because any idiot with a screwdriver can open the case and impale his or her CPU?)

Pithy

[qengho]

Actual message from an industrial control app, at least during beta:

"The error handler didn't."

Out of brushes/pens?

[Tom7]

I got, when my Win32 program was leaking brushes/pens:

A Required Resource Was Not ... and then a blank button to click.

They all lead to nowhere

[X-Nc]

I was coding in VS COBOL II under MVS on a 3090 in the early 90's. The database we were using was CA/DATACOM. I would run into errors that all seemed to run like this (all codes made up, just in case) --

1. error dump says you got an error 27 from DATACOM
2. look up error 27 in the manual
3. manual says check in the COBOL manual under error 205-E
4. look up error 205-E in the manual
5. manual says look up error S001A in the MVS manual
6. look up error S001A in the manual
7. it says that you need to look in the system manual under System Errors 000230-C3
8. look up error 000230-C3 in the manual
9. this says, and I quote, "JCL error; correct and resubmit"

In fact, 85% of the errors I ran into would follow this same path: check 3 or more manuals only to en up at the same answer... "JCL error; correct and resubmit"

Maybe this is why I have been a SysAdmin for the last decade.

On Debian

[Vlijmen Fileer]

On an early version of Debian (something like 0.93) I have had several instances of something like: "Ayiieeeee, this can't happen!!!", just before Debian would die. It turned out the motherboard was faulty.

Good old times.

[FireMotion]

I haven't programmed anything lately. But seeing all those funny or non-descriptive error messages makes me want to program something again.

I hope the user won't get completely lost.

Best error message ever

[pz]

This was in production Lisp Machine system code for a long time. I don't recall what triggered the error, but I did manage to get it once on a TI Explorer (Texas Instrument's Lisp Machine):

Something really bad happened. See if RMS is in the building.

Since RMS was responsible for much of the system code, this kind of made sense. But it was in a commercial machine! And, yes, it meant *that* RMS.

Even Slashdot has amusing errors...

[Anonymous Coward]

(1) | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 (Slashdot Overload: CommentLimit 50)

ls: fzzz: You are in a maze of twisty little ...

[Anonymous Coward]

One time we had a rash of Sun users suddenly having system error messages replaced with silly messages, such as quotes from adventure.

At that time, SunOS would allow you to specify alternate runtime libraries via an environment variable (maybe it still does). This was a handy feature, letting you easily change the behavior of the world (for example, running a debugging version of some library). It also turns out that system error messages were implimented as a run time library.

When folks would leave the lab without locking their workstation, a certain user would swoop in and modify their .login to tweak the victim's environment to include a run time library with an "improved" set of error messages! The next time the victim logged in, the new error messages would kick in and the fun would begin.

I almost felt bad about making that person stop, since it was pretty funny and it has helping us educate our users to lock the workstation when they left. But I did and we went back to boring old "No such file or directory".

My favorite alternate message was "Nothing happens.".

My favorite error from Windows...

[Kjella]

"Error: Operation completed successfully"

Of course, lately I'm starting to wonder if it's some kind of error checking for DRM, as in:

Do(ForbiddenOp,DRM_data)
DoOp(DRM_data)
If (No DRM_permission)
Error(Operation completed successfully)
EndIf
EndDo

Kjella

male lament

[Anonymous Coward]

To display a job on MVS | OS/390

d blow

reponse was

BLOW JOB NOT FOUND

They are rare ...

Not an error... but

[NitsujTPU]

Ok, so, I work in a lab with several programmers from a rival company (at my client's facility). While there, I sit at a Sun workstation.

Ok, so, from bash I use name completion in the shell right. Every time I do that, the keyboard beeps. I'm sure that these windows programmers think that I'm breaking that damn computer with all of those "error beeps."

Screaming error messages

[FukawiTribe]

Oops. Got that last post wrong (whats up with including bra-kets ?)

That's just reminded me of a question that got redirected to me from our Japenese customers, who asked what "Aieeeee !!!!! Can't contact license manager !" was about. Even more alarmingly, apart from the fact that the guys somehow knew it was one of mine, was this warning message was in the piece of code launching Netscape and had nothing to do with anything remotely licensed. Damn, ever have had one of those days.
Still my favourite from us, however, was the Error Message That Shouldn't Be In Released Code when the graphics got zoomed out too much, just said "cockup in scale calcs" - nuff said

Warning! Barf at user

[Captain Picard]

Made me leap back from the machine and wonder what orifice in the computer was the most dangerous...

I came across this while running through some final tests before shipping a product to a customer.

Stupid Javascript

[Anonymous Coward]

This one never made sense to me:

typeof(null);
- returns "object"

null();
- throws "null is not an object" exception

Permanant I/O error while reading Polish backwards

[rneches]

It kind of makes sense, oddly enough. This error was thrown by a
preprocessor on PDP/11, if I remember the tale correctly. It was
induced when you screwed up your data types (float, int, +, or
something like that). In order to turn this into a valid assembly
instruction, you have to reverse the order of the elements (add $r1
$r2). If the preprocessor didn't have a function for generating the
proper assembly, it would hang. The program waiting for its output
would then report an unrecoverable IO error... while reading reverse
Polish notation backwards.

How's that?

Old Mac fun

[Anonymous Coward]

There used to be an extension for classic MacOS (7.5 on the machines I ran it on) called Radiation ... it would sit quietly in the background until someone ran the Trigger app. The default message was: "The radiation shield on your Macintosh has failed. Please step back five feet."

You can imagine the fun I had setting this off in a lab of ~30 machines when occupied by a bunch of first year students (11-12 year olds) ... the tables in the centre became very crowded all of a sudden. I almost wet myself and couldn't stop laughing for hours. =)

MVS messages in spin loops? No way no how!

[JohnQPublic]

'We are experiencing MVS processor spin loops, the programs are running while holding a disabled CPU. This is causing XCF communication delays to the point where we are losing VTAM RTP routing, are suffering OSPF adjacency failures on TCP/IP dynamic routing and MIM VCF failures. Whatever this code is, it should NOT be propagated to production or we run the risk of losing the development plex if XCF signaling is adversely impacted by processor disabled spin loops'.

You're confusing an error message with an operator's description of a problem. MVS can't display error messages while in disabled spin loops, the I/O interrupts are blocked by the "disabled" part!

You want a good example of bad error messages? How about anything except MVS messages? I'm serious - the MVS "Messages and Codes" manuals are huge, and list every message issued by the software complete with advice on what to do when you receive the message! How, one asks, can you find the right advice? Easy: every message begins with a "message identifier" - a short alphanumeric sequence that uniquely identifies it and points directly to the place where the doc lives.

Try that with your average Open Source project. Hell, try to just get a list of the errors reported, let alone advice on what to do when they are reported.

Lisp Machine - file system fucked

[rcpettengill]

Once around 1985 I was working with a group doing CAD software on the Lisp Machine. We had just had a very productive week of hacking, and through a series of bad luck our two backups of that data were NOT. I came in Monday morning to the message "File System Fucked" on my machine. I spent a week trying to recover the files. Whoever wrote the message, knew what he was doing because that turned out to be a precise description.

Later talking with the folks at LMI, I hear that occasionally management would find out about the messsage and have it removed, but that it would always reappear because of its precise description of the state of the file system.

Boooooooriiiiinng.

[Anonymous Coward]

As is just about every "Ask Slashdot"

M$ error message

[Imperium]

I loved "You have attempted to set the levels to cooperative when they have already been set to exclusive" which Windows 95 offered us one time we tried to do something really sensible. The OK button was greyed out, and only cancel remained..

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[EvanED]

I once spent a couple hours trying to debug somethign like this... proof that you should set the warning level to the max (then read the warnings). VC++ warns you about this, but only if reporting level 4 warnings. The default is level 3. (Personally, I'd put assignemnets in an if statement at perhaps a level 2 warning, maybe at level 1, because it's almost never done, so 99.9% if it happens it's a typo.)

You have recieved a General Undefined Error!

[RandomUsername99]

That one is for a product called the elmo-phone that I used to do tech support at for this outsourced company. The other good one was if your voice can not be recognized by the product (it wasn't REALLY voice recognition, it just tested to see if there was any sound), elmo would say "elmo can't hear you!" in this really urgent voice. God damn that scared the crap out of a lot of kids.

Gnarly Error Messages

[Anonymous Coward]

Fond memories of the old "B" Series burroughs machines---

"Error: Non-fatal suicide"

and

"Error: Death in Family"

Re:I didn't make this up since I can't do ascii ar

[himi]

That's just part of the oops text on any SPARC Linux kernel.

Dave Miller has a weird sense of humour ;-)

himi

My favourite error message

[Anonymous Coward]

How about this while booting

Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue. ;)

Re:Apple's MPW C compiler famous for its error msg

[davidmccabe]

Exactly. Claris is an artifact from the old days when Apple was less 'professional' and would do that kind of thing. It might still happen internally, but that would never get through the Jobs professionalism test that makes Mac OS X so boring.

An undefined error occurred at an unknown location

[theBOPfromH*LL]

"An undefined error occurred at an unknown location"

is my personal favorite.

reliability of UNIX and ease of use of Macintosh

[jack in the mac]

i just got a fabulous error after 9 hours of converting a restore image, a 40 minute restore, now all the macosx permissions are shot to hell, i try to enable root using netinfo, i get...

NetInfo Error
NetInfo write failed! (Operation Suceeded)

sure am glad steve jobs killed the classic macos
i should probably learn how to weave wicker baskets in case the entire "technology" thing falls through

Not much to make fun of, really...

[DeadVulcan]

I realize that "Japanese Emperor Era" must sound a little silly to North American ears, but it's Japan's traditional system for measuring years, and is still used, just as frequently as (if not more than) the Christian year-of-our-lord. Google found me this great little explanation that just taught me more than I ever knew about it, myself.

And since this involves the Japanese version of Outlook, this is actually quite a run-of-the-mill bug.

Reinstall Windows, after Bluescreen

[TibbonZero]

Woha, this topic has gotten posts quickly! I guess people get errors every now and then :)

My oddest one was when I got a blue screen of some type, that seemed recoverable, because it said it any key to try to continue or something like that (hard to remember it was in Windows 98 years ago...). Anyway, I hit the spacebar about 30 times, getting different error messages, until I got one that indicated I had to then reset my computer, and reload Windows... That's pretty odd.

I get plenty of Protools errors that are outright as well. The damn program tells me that I dont' have a fast enough hard drive to record one freaking track of audio some days. For some reason, other programs will record fine...

Caldera OpenDesktop Screen Saver

[Anonymous Coward]

A release or so ago of the Caldera Open Desktop distribution (v 4?) had a screen saver that cycled through a crap load of different errors. Mac bombs, blue screens, guru meditations.... No one was safe.

Internet Explorer has amused me many times...

[Anonymous Coward]

Working at a helpdesk, we need lab machines where we can reproduce different problems users call us with. I installed Windows ME, and nothing else, and we worked with it 6 months or so. Then one morning Internet Explorer starts telling us "Internet Explorer has found out it is incompatible with the version of Windows you are running"!!! It was still exactly the same version as installed from the original Windows ME CD.

Often Internet Explorer will alert you that "An unexpected error has occurred and Internet Explorer will need to shut down." Ignoring this, everything works fine, but clicking OK will of course close all instances of the browser.

In general the "Page cannot be displayed..." error messages have become increasingly useless as versions of Internet Explorer has increased from 3.x to 6. I expect version 7 will simply state "Either a known error occurred, or something else happened."

Anyway, that is my experience from working with support for webbased applications.

Re:Internet Explorer has amused me many times...

[LoonXTall]

"Ignoring this, everything works fine, but clicking OK will of course close all instances of the browser."

I've seen this many a time on our old Pentium struggling with Netscape 4.7. If the browser is still operable, I just push the error dialog down under the Taskbar and go merrily on my way.

Another problem that NS likes to throw up on that machine is an infinite crash loop. The first box looks like a normal crash, but all the ones after Close is clicked say something about advert.dll.

That machine is so old, it came with Netscape 1.x. I have no idea when my mom will give it up, though.

Common (?) unix ones

[Hoonis]

ever delete /etc/password while you were logged on?

Suddenly you'll see

"You don't exist, go away"

Another is a common tar typo like
tar cvzf foo.tar

"Cowardly refusing to create an empty archive"

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[incripshin]

maybe a loose else statement?

Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue

[pickanothername]

Subject says it all.

-Dirk
If you believed me, then why did you try to stop
the fan with your hand?

My worst error

[mwolff]

At work I got a C3PO error while doing something in GroupWise 6.
Meh.
A friend of mine once had an Apple II go retarded. Letters kept getting switched and random lines were appearing. By chance the message ended up saying "Please insert another biskette"
yum

Warning !!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

Found hacking windoz

WARNING You have set your windows for Maximumum Preformance, Are YOU sure you want to do that?

no loafing on the job...

[Anonymous Coward]

bread: (this should not happen)

Courtesy of the BSD dump program, naturally.

My all-time favorite

[tadas]

Back in the '80's there was a peer-to-peer network called 10Net.

A version was released to allow the use of Ethernet cards as well as their own proprietary cards. I was trying to upgrade to the new version without removing the old version, which turned out to be a no-no.

When I ran Install.BAT, the program started, but instead of asking the required questions to set up the network, the screen went completely blank. After about 15 seconds, a message appeared on the screen.

The message was "Help me, Obi-Wan".

Microsoft encouriging better password security?

[imlepid]

While poking around the Knowledge Base I found an article Q276304 discussing this error message which pops up under certain circumstances when changing your password in Win2k:

"Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords"

I have been hounding people who have weak passwords on the network I administer and it's been tough getting people to come up with 8 character passwords!

Greatest Dos Error

[lunaticmaster]

In High School we were working with Borland Turbo Pascal 3. something Lol. This was the program. Begin end. It compiled fine of course, but when you ran it, you'd get the error saying something about command.com has been displaced or something to that affect. Then in Borland C++ 4 or 5 on a compaq running Windows 98 (se I think) we did basically the same thing. and the computer screen went blank, then Green, and it did not want to turn off. Something else I noticed. I made a program accessing mouse interrupts. It worked fine on every computer I tried it on, but when tried it on a compaq, It appeared to reverse the buttons and handle the mouse position differently.

Re:Windows was not shut down properly text locatio

[Anonymous Coward]

No it's not there man I scanned the entire folder let alone the files inside. I don't care where it is. If it's inside I will find away to rewrite it.
I MUST edit this message. It's personal now.

I can edit executables. I just need to know where it's hiding. I'm wondering is it hiding on the boot sector or something? It could be graphic. Somebody must know where they hid it. Somebody here must know how windows starts up for it to show up in the first place.

Like even a search on google turns up lots of guys looking but nobodies found it yet.

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[NoOneInParticular]

On a related note, I was once trying to get a usb camera working on win2k, and had to remove all these plug-and-play drivers that win2k thought I wanted, to be able to install the real drivers. I encountered an 'unknown device'. Well, as I didn't want an 'unknown device', I deleted it.

It turned out that every driver starts out as an unknown device before it gets installed, but still depends on the presence of the unknown device. So all, yes *all*, my drivers got flushed and the machine being a laptop, I had to reinstall all the firmware from scratch.

Of course I got the default message that all drivers that depended on this driver would get deleted as well, but this is something you also get when no drivers depend on the thing. But no, a simple list of the stuff it is about to delete was too much trouble.

User Error

[arcadesdude]

User Error! Replace User and Try Again.

Re:Windows was not shut down properly text locatio

[Anonymous Coward]

I want to replace it with: ...to avoid this problem in the future, please install a real operating system.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[jkovach]

BASIC uses the = (single equals) operator as both the assignment operator (either by itself or with the LET statement) and the comparison operator. For example:

10 X = 1
20 LET Y = 2
30 IF X = Y THEN PRINT "You won't see this"
40 PRINT X, Y
50 END

will produce "1 2" as output.

Just one of the many reasons why people hate BASIC...

Is Slashdot psychic now?

[rlarner]

I have spent all this weekend trying to debug a message thrown by a third-party application. The message is:

unexpected exception: The parameter is incorrect

Really usefull information, isn't it?

Of course, my all-time favorite was when I was working for Borland's Paradox tech support, back in the lovely old days of Windows 3.1. We would get frequent calls from our users: "I just got a error dialog - in the title it says "Error", but the text says "OK"!

Actually, the text said 0K (zero K) - and was ment to indicate that the printer's buffer had just run out of memory, and they should re-configure their printer driver to use less memory. One sloppy or to-busy programmer, many tech support phone calls.

COBOL (?) misparenthesizing error

[LoonXTall]

I didn't see this firsthand, but my father did, so it's not quite urban legend yet.

He was doing something on the mainframe one day at work (back in the day when 1200 bps was fast!) and got the following error:

Unusual use of parentheses accepted with some reservations as to intended meaning.

Very few people there had ever seen that particular error.

small penis joke error?

[phorm]

A few ones we had fun with in the lab...

"Error: The system has reported that you have a small penis, do you have a small penis?"

The "No" button has a mouseover that switched it with the "Yes" button. The coder missing the tab button (you could tab to no), but only clicking "Yes" would exit the app anyways.

There was another funny one, not an error, that turned the user's desktop into a mosaic puzzle that had to solved before he/she could continue.

Re:Windows was not shut down properly text locatio

[Anonymous Coward]

Exactly so lets for once find this stupid text. If I can find it I'll edit it and upload the file for all to use.....

Just tell me where it is. Somebody please help me here.....

I got some real good ones saved up. I can't wait...

Win Explorer

[rat7307]

A guy I work with had shakey hands and with taps enabled on his laptop, he managed to drag the Start menu stuff in Win98 to another directory.
When I tried to drag the Start Menu Dir back to where it belonged I got:

Cannot perform this operation as it is a Rooted Explorer

Amen to that.....

Re:Windows was not shut down properly text locatio

[Anonymous Coward]

Is it stored in UTF-16, by any chance? MS loves weird encodings....

Nope, apt-get still has that one

[smcv]

If Debian's apt-get can't find your nameserver (i.e. the network's down or your DNS daemon's died), it will still respond:

Something wicked happened resolving 'ftp.uk.debian.org:http' (-3)
Failed to fetch http://ftp.uk.debian.org/debian/dists/unstable/con trib/source/Release

Some others:

When my CD-burner fails in Linux (I don't entirely blame it, I'm using cheap no-name media), cdrecord will sometimes complain "scsi sendcmd: [...some hex...]: no error" as it spits out a coaster.

The BBC Micro had some great (if rather terse) error messages, like "Mistake" (triggered by BASIC it couldn't parse) and "Silly" (triggered by renumbering lines and requesting a gap between line numbers that wasn't between 1 and 255).

Practical joke

[allanj]

Back in the days when 286 processors were all most people had in their PC (including mine), one guy at school got a 386SX based system running at a whopping 16 MHz. Now this was all good and fine, but for the fact that he was constantly nagging us about our systems being slow, outdated, ridiculous and whatnot. So we made a little TSR (Terminate Stay Resident) program that did nothing but count to 20000 ~18 times per second (the frequency of the DOS time clock). When it loaded, it wrote "CPU instability detected - switching to XT mode" and of course made the machine run sooooo slowly (XTs are the slowest PC-compatibles ever made, in case you're too young to know). It took him several days to figure it out, and it was REALLY difficult not to laugh our a**es off in the meantime.

FOO

[Anonymous Coward]

BAR

Win98 BSOD: "The volume had open files on it"

[LoonXTall]

This one occasionally bites me ever since I trashed the MBR a couple of years ago. (I am still grateful for gpart.) Because of the way I reinstalled things, Win98's file system is not quite as big as its partition, and occasionally it emits the error on booting, with no removable media in any drive:

The volume that was removed had open files on it. Next time be sure the volume can really be removed before ejecting it.

Attempting to continue causes a squall of SODs in both blue and black, proclaiming the death of everything multiple times. Eventually it locks hard and has to be reset in hardware.

Simply trying to give the three-finger salute causes the same hard lock.

Then, of course, it bitches that it wasn't shut down properly. Sheesh, it didn't even get started!

Re:Windows was not shut down properly text locatio

[Anonymous Coward]

I don't care how it's stored I want to know what file it's in. I will figure out a way to Fix it once and for all. If I know it's inside the file it's going to get rewritten period. I figure it's a graphic personnaly that's why it's so hard to find. Only the bottom of the screen changes when it's displayed so it could very well be a graphic.

They hid it for a reason man. Think of it?

It's the ultimate hack. It's the only one I haven't been able to hack. It's driving me crazy looking for it.

McAfee Associates' VIRUSCAN

[Aryeh Goretsky]

Hello,

McAfee Associates' VIRUSCAN used to have an interesting error message in it:

An impossible internal error has occurred.

If you saw this, it usually meant you had a damaged copy of the SCAN.EXE executable.

This was in version which was distributed electronically as shareware. By the time the product has entered the retail channel the error message had been removed.

Regards,

Aryeh Goretsky

windows data error

[mehu]

My all-time favorite:

The data could not be "read"

(yes, the quotes are part of the error message)

Re:How to totally screw up any windoze machine

[MagPulse]

Why? I can't imagine it actually wipes the entire drive. Can't you take the drive and plug it in to another machine to recover the data?

Keyboard ROMs that don't know when to die.

[Myself]

Funny, I have a bad connector on my keyboard.. it's an IBM M-series (clicky monster), the type with the removable cord. Whenever I set the keyboard down sharply, it must jiggle the power pin or something, and it doesn't work until I reseat the connector.

Of course this causes the keyboard to reinitialize, which hoses up my typematic rate, so I have a hotkey (Ctrl-Alt-X) which pops up the Keyboard control panel. I just change a setting then change it back, then hit OK. Windows commits the "changes" by writing them to the keyboard, and my repeat rate is back to normal.

I've done this hundreds of times now, it happens once or twice a day and I've been using this keyboard at least since '99. Nothing's fried yet. You'd think I'd have the common sense to open the thing and resolder the connector.

Y'know what DOES cook motherboards? Remeber when cases had keyboard locks on them? The two-wire lead from the keyboard lock was installed backwards, so the metal body of the lock wasn't connected to ground, but to the keyboard lock sense lead. One dry winter day, I touched the lock and drew a large spark. The machine locked up and by the time I reached for the power button, I was smelling smoke.

Opening the machine revealed that the keyboard BIOS EPROM had gotten quite hot, enough to wrinkle and discolor the shiny sticker placed over the erase window. Just for kicks, we plugged the machine back in and powered it up to see what would happen.

Much to our surprise, the machine booted normally! The keyboard worked and everything, and that system remained in service for another 2 or 3 years before bloatware forced a motherboard upgrade. During the upgrade, we got a good chuckle out of the memory of the melted sticker.

Re:Keyboard ROMs that don't know when to die.

[noweb4u]

My M-Series does that all the time. I gotta get it working again though. It died sometime when I was doing all my moving in the last few years.

Cannot delete files: not enough disk space

[fifirebel]

Absolutely true: http://worstphotos.fifi.org/pix/pix-00039.jpg. Seen on WinNT 4.0.

1701 Error

[C60]

That's it. That's all I got. They way to fix it? Smack the harddrive at the right front corner as hard as you can until you can hear the head inside bounce. Then turn off the computer, disconnect power to the drive, turn the computer back on, and put the power plug back into the drive. Worked every time, circa 1982 that is. :)

Mac

[Limey Hunter]

I once got a message saying: The computer has decided to delete the following files... Press return to continue.

Good old Windows NT

[Xaroth]

My all-time favorite error message was this, encountered while emptying the recycle bin:

"Unable to delete files due to insufficient disk space. Try deleting some files to free up more disk space."

Fatal Error On Stack Crawlout

[jlusk4]

Sorry I missed this posting over the weekend.

I always got a kick out of the Primos message on the subject line. Conjured up the images of a cross-eyed little stick figure expiring as he was attempting to crawl out from under a pile of bricks and rubble.

John.

Windows on preview channel

[saddlark]

My previous cable company (UPC @ Norway) used a win95 box, running powerpoint. This solution did (of course?) crash frequently.

The errors ranged from
- Bluescreen (quite a shock... 28" TV == a lot of blue)
- Segfaults (digicammed)
- Crash on POST: "No keyboard attached".

Usually it would take 3-5 days before someone
was smart enough to boot the machine / fix the problem. Fun, except from the fact that it seemed to crash only when I needed some information.

FreeBSD checks in

[Anonymous Coward]

FreeBSD has a few interesting messages while compiling. It does a heap of checks for local environment variables and conditions including: ...
checking for gcc... cc
checking whether we are using GNU C... yes
checking whether the compiler (cc) actually works... yes
checking for a BSD compatible install... /usr/bin/install -c -o bin -g bin
checking how to run the C preprocessor... cc -E

[ err - what happens if the compiler doesn't 'actually work' or if it can't figure out how to run the C preproc? :) ] ...
and later it does a
'Is the the sane' check :)

I've never seen an error message if the world wasn't sane, but I'm guessing it would say 'Oh dear, I've been dualbooted! Help!" :)

An error from the Univac 90/60 VS/9 OS

[rfc1394]

I remember an interesting one in the errror message file for the VS/9 Operating System:

(Disk Pack Name) has placed subsystem in I/O Silent Death.

I never did figure out what that error meant.

Paul Robinson <Postmaster@paul.washington.dc.us>
http://paul.washington.dc.us

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[jonadab]

This is similar to what I do. I generally write a function that I can
use for debugging errors. Originally (for early development) it just
prints out the string it's passed, but before letting any users get
their hands on the thing I change it so that it prefixes that with an
indication that something unusual has happened, probably representing
a bug in the program, and that the developers would appreciate a bug
report, so they can find the problem and fix it, blah, blah, and
here's contact information, and please try to describe what you were
doing right before it happened, blah, blah, and if possible please
include the technical information (below) as exactly as possible,
thanks, the developers, and then finally a big line of hyphens or
something and then the string that was passed in. Hopefully with
the ability to copy the whole thing to the clipboard, if it's a
GUI application.

Oh, and whenever I call the thing I make sure to pass in a unique
string that at minimum identifies which call to the function is
responsible. I also like to throw in the values of any variables
that might possibly be relevant, just because you never know what's
going to help you isolate the bug.

That is, of course, only for debugging type error messages, ones that
you can't predict what (if anything) will cause them. Fallthrough
conditions, the inability to access some file that should be part
of the application's installation, sanity check failures, memory
conditions, and that sort of thing. Naturally, if I can predict
the cause, then I can either prevent it or resolve it in some way,
or if it's a user issue then I can at least give the user a more
helpful message on how to correct (or avoid) the problem. But in
any real app you're always going to have the occasional unpredictable
error. Unless you don't _bother_ to do sanity checks, in which case
something worse will happen than a bad error message, probably
resulting in data loss.

When an unpredictable error happens, the best thing you can do IMO
is tell the user that it's a bug (many will still think they must
have done something wrong to cause it, but nothing you can say will
allay that suspicion for some), and request a bug report. Unless
you want to go the route Netscape has gone with Talkback, or even
go the whole way and have crash data sent in silently without
bothering the user, but your talkback mechanism can fail too, and
then what do you do? Anyway, you always _hope_ these errors will
never be seen, but the reason you check for them in the first place
is because there's the possibility they _could_ be seen. So against
that possibility, it's best to instruct the user how to contact you
and report the problem. (Unless, of course, it's some kind of one-
time contract job and you specifically want to avoid being contacted;
in that case you point them to someone else, like whoever hired you.)

Re:Who is general failure, and why is he trying ..

[Anonymous Coward]

The referance is actually to the much more unwelcome 'General failure reading drive C:'.

Who knows?

[Anonymous Coward]

My parents keep getting a dialog that randomly pops up that says:

"You need to download a newer version of this program."

Unfortunately, neither the dialog's interior nor the dialog's title bar give any indication as to what program is saying it needs to be upgraded...

Not necessarily gnarly, but funny

[tuxlove]

In the olden days using csh, if you typed this:

% ^saccharine

You'd get this error:

bad substitute

And if you tried this:

% cat door

You'd get:

cat: can't open door

Got it covered...

[ader]

Been there, done that.

Ade_
/

Development error

[tigersha]

"4 is not an int"

This was a message that was displayed by a financial program, but admittedly by one of the ddevelopers while debugging it.

Silly Sparc

[asdfx]

I can't boot my UltraSparc 1 up. "Why?" you ask.
Fast Data Access MMU Miss
Of course! Listen, I'll take Slow Data Access, if it'll let me boot.

Bizarre windows error

[Anonymous Coward]

Drag a document onto a minimized window on the start bar: "You cannot drag an item onto a button on the taskbar.

However, if you do this without releasing the mouse button, the window will open and you can then drag the item into the window. "

Hacked out from the inards of Ultima 7

[CyberLife]

The old DOS-based U7: The Black Gate had a few interesting messages buried in the executables:

• Buddy, you've screwed the poochie.
• Buddy, you've screwed the poochie again.
• Buddy, that poochie ain't gonna like you in the morning.
• That poor, poor poochie.
• Danger Will Robinson, one of your nodes is about to fall off.
• You're fucked!

Can't say that I ever actually saw these errors happen, but they're in there.

kernel panic:

[Handyman]

dumping core to /dev/cdrom.

Oracle error

[ysachlandil]

Saw this one when mucking about with an Oracle DB:

Error 43256: Error table not found.

Errors

[StoatBringer]

There used to be an old BASIC-only computer (at around the same time as the ZX/Sinclair Spectrum). With most of these types of machines, if there was an error in your code it would halt, tell you what the error was and often show you where in the code it occurred. This machine just stopped and the only information it would give was : "Error" I remember an error message from an IBM mainframe compiler, which said something like "Syntax error. Solution: Correct code and recompile." A guy I worked with came up with the idea of "incrementally abusive error messages" for a GUI he was working on. If you did something wrong you'd get a normal error message the first time. Keep doing the same thing and the message would get gradually more impatient and insulting each time.

mail

[Handyman]

I just did a "strings /usr/bin/mail" and these are some of the results:

Write what file!?

mail's idea of conditions is screwed up

-- Can't dump core.

Okie dokie

Too much "sourcing" going on.

(Interrupt -- one more to kill letter)

Too many regrets

And I wonder what the string "metoo" that also appears is used for! At least now I also know for sure that I'm not dreaming on the day I see "Thou hast new mail." instead of "You have new mail.": the string is actually in there.

Re:How to totally screw up any windoze machine

[brislane]

Bullshit - doesn't work...

apt-get error

[wheel]

How could I not post this -- it's been my sig for a year or more: (see sig)

The MVS "message"

[Ken Hall]

That doesn't look like an error message, more like a description of a problem. MVS error messages are usually succinct, but descriptive, and at least you have a manual to go look up the numeric codes.

In any case, it made perfect sense to me. Of course, I've been working with MVS for 20 odd years...

I always liked: "The program executed and execute instruction, which tried to execute another execute. Check for program instruction modification." This also makes perfect sense to me, by the way. :)

weirdest errors ever

[Tellarin]

in a AI program written in Haskell:
"fatal error: pattern match failure inside protected code"

and somewhere i don't remeber:
"error #376: too many errors"

there is also one from Zans, a formal methods application:
"
type mismatch:
type expected: integer[]
type encountered: integer[]
"

Not really an error display but..

[zeropanic]

Turn on an old Mac PowerPC with out any memory in it.. You hear the sound of glass breaking.

Flash: "I'm crushing your head"

[docbrown42]

here

I assume one of the programmers was watching too much Kids in the Hall

Error messages I have let slip

[Anonymous Coward]

Blame it on me being 18 and bored with a programming job I had, but quite often when trying to debug something or fiddling around/etc, I'd put in random messages in the error box just to see if a section of code was getting run/whatnot.

Usualy, 9 times out of 10, I'd remeber to take it out, or make it a proper message, but a few I have accidently slip by and have gotten a call about are.

- The children are screaming, but no one cares.
- WORK DAMNIT!
- You have foiled my plans, I shall get revenge.

Thankfully, the company I wrote it for had a good sense of humour and didnt mind, but I am now carefull to make sure I replace them with proper messages when the time comes :) as I have often used 'fuck off', and 'work you ho!' as messages before, and I'd hate to let one of those slip past.

You don't exist

[Andy Dodd]

While not a kernel error, and one that is a BITCH to reproduce. (I don't know how you'd get it without intentionally damaging your system...)

"You don't exist. Go away."

I believe it can be achieved something like this:
Log in as user
Delete user from all password files

Artisoft LANtastic

[zero_offset]

Good old networking under Windows 3.1...
One day this error message appeared on my screen:

ERROR: NETBIOS has become Twizzled.

I clicked Ok, and everything continued working normally. I searched the hard drive and couldn't find that text anywhere on the machine. I contacted Artisoft (we were one of their larger customers) and they insisted it wasn't from LANtastic. So I contacted Microsoft (back when they had support people you could talk to) and they also denied complicity.

To this day I'm not exactly sure what "twizzled" means. Never saw the error again.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[vladkrupin]

hey, that's my way of getting an empty recordset from any SQL-like database I know of:
SELECT * FROM blah WHERE 1 = 2

However lame this loons, it works like a charm in any database we develop for. Truly cross-platform.

My favourite

[BillX]

You may see this in programs that run Windows programs in batch.

Windows reported the following error: "The operation completed successfully."

"Mr Potatohead is on the loose!"

[nrrd]

It's from Linux 0.96 (IIRC), during the many kernal panics I caused learning to set up Linux on a 386 with a whopping 2 (or was it 4) megs of RAM and a 40 Meg MFM hard drive that would take three or four hours to format.

It was a lot of fun!

Re:"Mr Potatohead is on the loose!"

[nrrd]

Another good error message was: "You're screwed". I found it in some source code I was maintaining...

Re:Mac LC Bomb

[perfessor multigeek]

If you mean the one that I think you do, it was caused by the LC having an '020 but no FPU. The problem was that ALL Microsoft software had an "optimization" routine that, if it detected an '020 on application launch configured to route to the FPU that they "knew" would be there. After all, on earlier Macs, if it had an '020 it was a Mac II or equiv. This routine was even in MS Word.
This code was written *after* Apple had very publicly and explicitly said that they were coming out with the LC line which would have the contrary setup. MS still considered it not their problem and tried to require a paid upgrade to fix it until they got caught and, sullenly, resentfully, made a patch.
It was this very incident, and the way that it utterly shut down my use of my brand-new beautiful little baby (I have always considered the LC line the VW Beetle of computers) that took my feelings about MS from vaguely formed annoyance and ill-ease to disgust and contempt.
And yeah, if you didn't know why it seemed insane that a machine with new software and no problems that any diagnostic could find would just crash, either on launch or shortly after launch of such basic, ubiquitious, and "trustworthy" software. I knew some people who refused to believe it, because why would a word processor or paint program (remember MSWorks?) refuse to work without an FPU?
Grumble, bitch, Redmond, lying, cheap shortcut making, mblgrmblshdldmbldmrmbl........
Rustin

ahhh, good old VMS :)

[Malcolm MacArthur]

Actually, that is very poor error reporting. It gives no indication of what the error is. It gives no indication of *where* the error is.

At the very least, the line number should be written to a log file, with as much data as you can pull together. A better thing to do is to write a stack trace to a log file, with a snapshot of the environment when it occurred (what you tried to do, locals, globals, etc).

Ahhh... now this is one of the reasons I like VMS's three-level error messages:

$ dir foo:[bar]
%DIRECT-E-OPENIN, error opening FOO:[BAR]
-RMS-E-FNF, file not found
-SYSTEM-W-NOSUCHFILE, no such file

To explain:

1. %DIRECT-E-OPENIN : The DIRECTORY utility encountered a problem opening the directory file FOO:[BAR]
2. -RMS-E-FNF : The Record Management System (RMS) could not find the file.
3. -SYSTEM-W-NOSUCHFILE : The operating system couldn't find the file.

Each message is split into four parts, a FACILITY (DIRECT), a SEVERITY (E), an ID (OPENIN) and a textual MESSAGE (error opening FOO:[BAR]). VMS being VMS, you can turn off the display of any or all of these, so you can get:

Error opening FOO:[BAR]
File not found
No such file

by typing SET MESSAGE /NOFACILITY /NOSEVERITY /NOID (oh, you can abbreviate that to SET MES /NOFAC/NOSEV/NOID btw :).

When you call SYS$PUTMSG to display a message (it doesn't have to be an ERROR; you get status (S) and informational (I) messages as well), you can specify up to three error codes - giving you a multi-layer error message as above.

Sigh. I do wish Dave Cutler had had a chance to do a better job of NT when he moved to Microsoft :)

-Malcolm.

%SLASHDOT-E-OPENSIG, error opening signature
-SLASHDOT-I-USERID, for userid "Malcolm MacArthur"
-SYSTEM-W-NOSUCHFILE, no such file :)

psychoanalysis suggested

[pjp6259]

Once when setting up a shared drive between a linux and an old dos machine (using pc-nfs), we got an error message something along the lines of "psycho-analysis suggested". Nice and obscure, luckily through a google search we identified that this meant we had to use the "insecure" option. I guess some coder at 3am thought that would be cute...

'Star Trek' error messages...

[Malcolm MacArthur]

I always wondered what that error was. I always assumed it was some star trek style geek message.. Close Enough. DomainOS was still badass for its time, even if the hardware was a little goofy.

Talking of which... I was told of an old version of Dynix (a Unix-based library catalogue program) at my former University, which printed the following error message on the console when it crashed:

Full power to the warp shields, Mr. Sulu...

-Malcolm.

Actual text from error message:

[74ragbug]

The World Wide Web Publishing Service service terminated unexpectedly. It has done this 3 time(s). The following corrective action will be taken in 0 milliseconds: No action.

BULLSHIT!

[lizrd]

I call bullshit!

First of all, arp -d doesn't take a MAC address as an argument so if you were to attempt to do this you get the error message:
ARP: bad IP address 00-60-97-db-a3-2d
If you do actually input your IP address you get the message:
The specified entry was not found
which isn't all that surprising since arp -a doesn't even show your own mac address.

Compiler Error

[Anonymous Coward]

My favorite compiler error (for all you c++ programmers):
Error: class is privately destructive and has no friends

After that I had to admit that my code must be really sad

Re:Windows was not shut down properly text locatio

[Malcolm MacArthur]

It is in Scandisk, I believe. But Scandisk is a 'packed' executable.

Tell me if you figure out how to unpack it... :)

Javascript error in IE5

[sukotto]

Just last Friday I saw this JavaScript error message showing up in IE5

Error: "undefined" is undefined

Similarly in some older versions of Netscape 4

"undefined" is not defined

Sukotto

Windows XP Blue Screen

[geoffoliver]

The BSOD on WIN XP gives a bit more information than the ones on older versions, like what could have caused the crash, and then it proceeds to do a dump of your physical memory to your hard drive. One of the first reasons the blue screen gives for crashing is, you guessed it, low hard drive space. How is dumping my 384 MB of my memory to my supposed "low hard drive" going to help?

Old MacOS error message

[Bert64]

"An unexpected error occured, because: An error occured"
I seem to remember "shapeshifter" a mac emulator for the amiga, coming with a screenshot of this..

trs 80 model 1.Re:Mac Bomb

[informed]

had 2 basic error messages:

-what
-how

figure out what went wrong with your basic program from that!

from my college sysadmin days

[Anonymous Coward]

Panic: free freeing free frag

IIRC someone tried to fsck a mounted volume on a Sequent Symmetry 81 (?) running Dynix. The "free" program got confused and tried to free a fragment that was already free. Makes sense in retrospect.

Re:Error,Cannot Close Application, Click OK to clo

[WeedMonkey]

I know it doesn't help you now you've moved onwards and upwards, but for the benefit of anyone reading who doesn't know this trick:

Rather than doing this:
if (value == 1) {

Do this:
if (1 == value) {

If you get your comparison and assignment operators muddled (and, let's face it, typos happen to everyone) you'll catch it a lot easier this way, as your interpreter or compiler will have a fit trying to assign the contents of "value" to the number "1".

Re:Read BSOD

[duren686]

Fine then, two computers. Total cost: $2000 tops. Canadian. Unless you want to play UT2k3 on it with a 60" plasma TV and GeForce4 or something that you wouldn't use a server to do.

Re:How to totally screw up Win2k in less than 1 mi

[GodLessOne]

Another one that works on NT/98 and later is to associated .lnk files with an application (ie. WordPad).
When you next boot all of the icons on your desktop are hosed and it it very difficult to start anything.
Only hacking with RegEdit will save the day.

Seen it done twice by different users. One a Clipper developer who did have to use lnk files for their linker, and one a user who saw the file type in WinFile and assoiciated them to WodPad to see what they were.

Favourite from Mac OS 8.6

[checkyoulater]

Could not complete the requested operation because.

sf.net says help! all's ok!!!

[burntoutjoy]

just got this gem from sourceforge...


HTTP/1.1 200 OK
Date: Fri, 25 Oct 2002 16:25:23 GMT
Server: Apache/1.3.26 (Unix) mod_ssl/2.8.9
OpenSSL/0.9.6c mod_perl/1.26
X-Powered-By: Slash 2.003000
Connection: close
Content-Type: text/html; charset=iso-8859-1

OK
The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.

Please contact the server administrator, patg@osdn.com and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.

More information about this error may be available in the server error log.

Apache/1.3.26 Server at foundries.sourceforge.net Port 80

acrobat reader

[jpsst34]

I just got one from acrobat reader: The Font 'UBKTJL+TimesNewRomanUBJ' contains bad /Flags